I lay there on my left side, holding the obstinate little blue unicorn close to my body. I could feel her warm fur and she seemed to like laying her head on my chest to hear my heartbeat. I could hear her purring as I thought about the events that led to this moment… How dare she try to love me and show me affection! The nerve! The out and out gall of this little horse! I think to myself while frowning and staring down at the pony. I give a reserved sigh before normalizing my mouth and holding her body close to mine.
I hear her whisper, “Shh! Trixie desires more sleep! Hold her close to you and we’ll snuggle some more!”
I roll my eyes and cautiously hold the horse closer to my body as her white hair goes into my face and I glare at her while thinking, This little blue butthole! Oh, she’s gonna pay! As I slowly and calmly smile to myself, and loving surrender overtakes my mind…
I suddenly hear the pony give out a passive sigh…
This causes me to grin wider as I think about how this is bullshit and I still don’t really want a waifu, but I somehow just can’t say no at this point… I suddenly widen my eyes when I contemplate on how long-winded that last thought was when the pony stirs in my arms, and I loosen my grip to let her little blue body wander before she stops, and I tighten again to secure her lovingly in place.
I look down to see my hands are now wrapped around her upper torso through the pits of her forelegs and I can’t help but notice her smile and sigh lovingly there.
She whispers, “I love you, Betty!”
I lowly say, “Jerk!”
“Idiot!” She quickly responds before smirking even wider and scooching closer to my cozy body.
I give the most silent sigh I can make before lovingly kissing her forehead through her wiry mane, to the left of her horn and holding her soft warm pony body to mine… I close my eyes and eventually drift back to sleep…
<*****>
I open my eyes as I wake up alone on my side, to see Trixie sitting there in my computer chair, eating microwave popcorn from a floating brown paper bag, encased in a blue glow, and watching My Little Pony on my laptop. I also notice a can of soda to the left of the laptop as she sits there, looking away from me and watching her and Starlight talking on the screen.
“Ugh! Uh, what time is it? How long was I out?” I say blearily as I rise on the bed to put my legs over the side and sit staring back at the scene.
Trixie giggles and looks at me over her right shoulder, “Oh, it’s almost eleven in the morning! Uh, I found your ponies!”
I narrow my eyes and say, “Yeah, considering it’s in the folder clearly marked ponies, that’s surely no easy feat!”
She snickers, “Yeah, well hey baby! Wanna watch them with me?”
“Uh, I skipped breakfast and should probably eat a sandwich? Do you need anything?”
Trixie then levitates the half-eaten bag of cheddar popcorn to the left of her sitting on the chair so I can see it in clear view. “Well, I was okay while you were asleep? I got food from your snack stash, there’s soda you keep under your bed, and you have some dope left in your stashbox!”
I narrow my eyes, “No smoking without me!”
Trixie narrows her eyes, “Wouldn’t dream of it, sweetie!”
I frown, “You like pet names, don’t you?”
Trixie whimsically says, “Oh, but you know I wuv calling my sweetums cute and fun nicknames! And I know you like it too, right?”
I frown deeper, “I’m uh, actually not sure?”
She leans forward interestedly, “Well, that’s what a lot of your writing suggests?”
I look at the blue magician intently as she sits there at my computer chair, with my nightstand between us, “What do you want, again?”
Trixie perks up wide-eyed and smiles, “To be your waifu!”
“But I don’t want a waifu?”
Trixie lowers her gaze, “Why not?”
I lowly sigh out my nose before lowering my gaze, “Because I don’t want to pretend…”
Trixie frowns and widens her eyes, “What?”
I furrow my brows, “Look! I know things like love and togetherness aren’t really meant for me, and so I’d much rather just resign myself to a life of being alone, that to make believe, anyone, or anypony as the case may be, actually cares about me…”
Trixie frowns, “B-but I do care about you?”
“But you’re not real! I’m just talking to you in my head right now!”*
She smiles, “What if I'm as real as I need to be?”
I raise my gaze, “W-what?”
She giggles softly, “Oh, but you said it yourself earlier, Betty! Sure, I’m not real or physical in the traditional sense. But I am a character and I represent an idea!”
I scrunch my mouth, “Just what idea would that be?”
She narrows her eyes, “Well, I’m the pony who left and came back to discover a better way! Sound familiar?”
“Until 2018, I didn’t live in this town…”
Her voice raises slightly as her brow furrows angrily, “That’s not what I meant!”
My eyes widen, “Well, just what do you mean, Trixie?”
Trixie sighs and moves her head down before raising her gaze back up to me and calmly says, “Look around you, Betty… Look at this room you’ve made for yourself… You could’ve decorated it any way you saw fit, and yet, you chose to have eight different colorful posters of ponies on the walls… You have a small army of therapy ponies intended to make you feel better after well… After everything… You ever think maybe you’re going back to someplace you can’t really get to?” she lowers her gaze, “You think maybe after your brain injury, hormones, and many awful things that you’re trying to recapture a spark you lost long ago?” she smiles gently and warmly at me, “Trixie thinks it’s absolutely wonderful that you found ponies to do that for you…” Her mouth goes regular, “But I want to know… Why don’t you think love and happiness is meant for you?”
I raise my left eyebrow, “Happiness? You know, in my experience, love has never exactly brought happiness!” I regularize my eyebrows, “Always just more turmoil and strife!” I sigh, “I don’t want to do it anymore or ever again, Trixie… I don’t believe it’s worth it…”
Trixie widens her violet eyes while leaning closer to me off the side of my chair, “Well, why not?”
I snort and shake my head slightly, “No Trixie… You don’t wanna hear my whiny emo bullshit, okay?”
She blinks, “Actually, Trixie kinda does?”
I widen my eyes, “Okay, let me rephrase that another way then!” I point my right hand at her, “I don’t want to tell you my whiny emo bullshit!” I lower my hand and my gaze, “There! I think that gets the message across…”
Trixie smiles, “Then don’t!”
I frown and raise my left eyebrow again, “What?”
Trixie lowers her gaze as a glint suddenly shows in her purple eyes, “Do you know why Trixie often refers to herself in the third person?”
I blink and start, “Uh, no I don’t…”
Trixie smiles wider, “Because even The Great and Powerful Trixie gets nervous! And so, she always talks about herself like that so it’s not really her performing on stage… That’s The Great and Powerful Trixie! I’m only narrating! See what I’m doing here, Betty?”
“I think so? Uh, just a sec! Let me get ready!” I say before taking a mighty swig of the black coffee from my nightstand and looking into the purple eyes of this curious pony, “I uh,” I blink, “Betty feels that after so many tries and so many catastrophic failures that love is simply not worth the effort… She would much rather spend the rest of her life alone than waste time pursuing something that’s never going to happen…” I sigh and glance off to the left before back at the blue pony, “After all the pain I’ve uh, Betty has been through, she doesn’t believe it’s worth it…”
Trixie frowns, “I don’t understand?”
I lean forward slightly, “What do you not get, Trixie?”
She raises her neck, “You write these wonderful romantic stories about lesbian ponies all the time, and yet, you… You don’t believe in love?”
“Well, I think that’s a tad extreme at this point, honestly? I think it’s better to say that love just isn’t really meant for me I guess?”
“Hey, weren’t you married for six years?”
I nod, “Yes! And well… I wasn’t what I was supposed to be and so, eventually, I had to go away… And while I don’t regret a minute of my marriage, I also understand that that’s not my life, as it were…”
She raises her left eyebrow, “And just what are you supposed to be, Betty?”
I chuckle lightly and smile, “You got me, Triscuit! I’m not male or female anymore!”
Trixie smiles, “Well, how about this then! Trixie will make a deal with you! Call it a wager if you like!”
I narrow my eyes to the pony, “And just why should I make any agreements with a fictional talking horse?”
Trixie giggles softly, “Oh, you don’t have to! But Trixie will tell you what it is, regardless!”
I blink and regularize my eyes, “Well, are you gonna tell me?”
She furrows her brow and frowns angrily, “Trixie is getting there!”
I smile.
She sighs, “Okay, why don’t you simply accept Trixie as your waifu for the time being unless you don’t need me anymore?”
I normalize my mouth, “Didn’t I already say that I don’t want to pretend?” I raise my left eyebrow again, “Was sure I did?”
She grins broadly while furrowing her brows deviously, “You can’t hold out forever!”
I smile back and widen my eyes, “Watch me!”
She leans towards me again and widens her eyes, “You need love!”
“NO, I DON’T!”
She frowns, “But Betty! I love you! Don’t you love me?”
I eye this pony carefully before letting out a long-resigned sigh… “I don’t want to, Trixie… It’s not for me… I’ve already decided…”
At this point, the pony stares at me as her big eyes start to quiver and fill with tears as her frowning mouth shakes, “B-but Betty! All I wanted to do was love you?”
At this point, all I can do is sit there at the edge of my bed and mutter, “GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!” under my breath, before rising to my feet on the hardwood floor and walking past the left of my round wooden nightstand to get right up to the blue pony, currently with shaky watery eyes and on the verge of tears, and grasp her from under her pits with my hands before lifting her 30-pound** body lovingly to my chest and snuggling the warm furry equine close to me as she solemnly moves her head to the right so her horn doesn’t poke my abdomen. Worries of her condition currently encircle my mind, as I lovingly hold this little blue unicorn to my chest… I give a final resigned sigh before whispering into her floppy pony ear, “Okay Trixie… Okay… I’ll try to love you… But uh, can we take this slow?”
The blue pony smiles widely while laying her head on my chest to listen to my heartbeat as her floppy right ear flaps against my chest as she says, “DEAL!”
I squint my eyes, “I still think you’re a butthole!”
“I still think you’re a dorky moron!”
“This isn’t over!”
“Not if I have anything to say about it, Betty…” She moves her head left and right as I feel her bony 4.5-inch horn poking me in the chest. She gives out a long-loving purr and says, “Not if I can help it…”
At this point, madness overtakes my fractured mind as I stare down at the blue magician and I remove her small body from my chest to hold her before me and I stare deep into her wide purple eyes…
She frowns deeply and nervously asks, “W-what are you doing, Betty?”
I narrow my eyes as I lowly and gruffly say, “I don’t know anymore!” before bringing her face closer to mine and lovingly nuzzling her as a small smirk comes over my mouth and all she can do is frown and blink… I gaze into her pupils for maybe another split-second before instinctively tilting my head right to give her a warm loving smooch on her pony lips…
(To be continued…)