//------------------------------// // I'm too Sexy for My Skin // Story: Patches and Bubbles // by loststone //------------------------------//                                         Several days went by in a flash for Anasta and Hexxus as they continued to travel southwards. The days themselves were very much alike, starting with Hexxus waking them up at an early time in the morning, then they would eat a quick breakfast before taking off. Then they would fly all day, only stopping once for quick five minute lunch break. At the end of the days, they would set up camp under the trees and get prepared for the night. Anasta would take care of the beds and making the fire, while Hexxus would fish up some dinner, and when it was time to go to bed he would play his pan flute till she went to sleep.         As they continued to move southward the trees grew smaller, and the mountains in the distance became more visible. The types of trees were also starting to change from giant mangrove trees to smaller, but still big, red barked pine trees that could be found in the mountains. The swampy ground was replaced first by patches of tall grasses, then by rock formations and scrub oak.          Half way through the six day of traveling, Anasta started to recognize the surrounding area, and was able to find a small village that she had stayed in before called Low Nest. It had been a long time, but when she had last stayed here, it was back when she was around eight years old and she, and her parents stayed with her Uncle.          “No Hexxus stop!” Anasta pleaded as she tried to hold him back from darting into the village. She could feel the hairs of his scruffy little tail slowly sliding in her grip. I am not giving up the chance at a warm bed because of this idiot! Even though she was forced to double her efforts by flying in the opposite direction, it was doing little good as Hexxus took step after step towards the village.          There were a collection of about forty or so tree house buildings that were protruding out of seven of the large trees, about a hundred feet off the forest floor. Each building encircled the tree and was held up by a series of wood planks underneath. Most of the houses had a great distance in between each other to make room for the grape vines that hung from the bark of the trees. These vines stretched all the way down to the forest floors at the bases of each tree.          “Let me go Anny so I can see the world!”          “No Hexxus, stop now!” Anasta commanded as she continued to lose ground. I must stop him before we’re noticed! “You can’t just go flying up there and-“          “But why not master Anny?”          “Because Hexxus, if you go flying up there the way you are now they may think you are a threat.” Anasta could feel him starting to calm down and stop pulling as hard. ”No one has ever seen something like you before and I can guarantee that they won’t take to it lightly.” Hexxus stopped his forward advance and turned back to Anasta, who was breathing heavily. ”Most gryphons are very hostile towards things they don’t know about or understand. We may not be able to stay there if you look the way you are.”          “Okay Anny, I understand, what do you suggest I do?”          She pondered on this for a moment. “Well, I was thinking that since you have magic and all you could maybe cast a spell that makes you look like a gryphon.”          “Well, I can cast an illusion spell that can imitate anything I have seen but that breaks after anything touches me. Will that work?”           The problem with that isn't keeping things from touching him, its keeping him from touching other things, and with this buffoon that's going to be impossible. “Umm, I don’t think so.”          “Well, then I can only really think of one other thing that could possibly work.” Hehehe I just know she is going to like this when she sees it, and even if she doesn’t, I sure as hell will! Hexxus took a step back and put his hands together as if he were praying, put them up to his mouth, and started blowing into them. His skin started to swell up as if it were a balloon being pumped full of air. He continued to inflate until his midsection had enveloped his arms and legs, and he looked like a awkward beach ball. Just when Anasta thought he was about to explode, a loud hissing came from where a quarter sized hole had appeared in the center of his head. As the air left him, his skin deflated and soon it hung over his new body as if it were a pink wrinkly elephant skin rug. Okay whats going on? It’s not moving. Anasta slowly came up to the side of the mound of flesh and gave it a quick poke with one of her talons. “Umm Hexxus… a-are you alright?” She gave the lifeless mound another poke. But this time something grabbed her finger through the skin and wouldn’t let go. Anasta screamed in fright as she yanked her finger away from him. “Hehehe I got you!” said a feminine voice that was oddly familiar, as something stood up underneath the blanket of skin. A talon poked through the small hole where the air had escaped and started to tear a line down the skin large enough for whatever Hexxus had transformed into to get out. “Wahhhh?” Anasta watched in absolute horror and amazement as a perfect mirror imitation of her pulled itself out of the folds of skin. Hexxus looked over his new body with a smirk on his face. DAYAM I look nice! “Well, how do you like it Anny?” Anasta was equally flattered as she was disgusted that he would choose to transform into her, also hearing him speak in her voice made it just creepy. “It’s a start, but why did you have to turn into me?” “Well, this spell only allows me to turn into things I have touched, and well, your one of two gryphons I have ever put my hands on. And I don’t think you would like the other one I have touched.” Hmm, I wonder how I’d look if I did this? “Who is the other one... and stop that right NOW!” Hexxus stood up on his two back paws, putting one of his talons behind his head and one on his flank. He gave Anasta a seductive gaze. “Mmhmmhmmhmm sex-“ He was abruptly met by a unidentified flying fist, right in the face. “You know what, I don’t care who this other gryphon is that you have touched, just transform into him.” He tried to protest, but one hard look from Anasta and he submitted.  “Okay, whatever you say Anny.” Hexxus got back onto his feet before walking up to his old skin. He opened it up and climbed back inside, but not without teasing Anasta one last time by flicking his tail up and exposing everything to her. He wrapped the skin around him tightly, and a green glow emanated from it as the rip in it started to close up. Once closed, it started re-inflating much like before, but faster this time. Once it was at the point of nearly bursting a small hole appeared in its top again letting all the air out. But this time when it deflated, the mound under the flesh was nearly twice as large as Anasta was. Like last time Hexxus cut a hole in the skin, and stepped out as a large and fairly muscular male gryphon. The feathers covering his upper body were a dark rustic color and his lower body was tan. Of course, it just had to be him, Anasta thought to herself as she looked at a mirror image of the very gryphon that tried to rape her, Ulser. “Like I said before Master Anny, I don’t think you will like this one.” His voice was much more low and gruff than before, and sounded as if he were on the brink of anger, even if it was unintentional. “Well, I can honestly say that I don’t approve of it, but its not like we have that much of a choise here”. And it’s better than having you parading around as me. She shuddered at the thought. “Well now that we have what you look like down, all that is left is sorting out your attitude.” “Why, what’s wrong with my attitude?” “Well, think about it for a second, if I can barely put up with you then how do you think everyone else will do? No you need to tone things down a bit and act normal.” Hexxus didn’t like where this was going. “Like what things?” “For starters, the way you act around others.“ She started counting off her fingers. ”You are too loud, cocky, arrogant, impulsive, silly, idiotic, and the way you insult others, even if it is just for fun, will more than likely get you in trouble.” Hexxus looked as if he had just been struck across the face. “Don’t break out into song randomly, no magic unless it is absolutely necessary, don’t get into fights, behave yourself, etc, etc.” Hexxus fake feinted as she basically denied him his whole personality. ”Also, you can’t go around touching everything that you fancy, some gryphon may think you are trying to steal from them.” “So you want me to act like your average, run of the mill, mortal?” He had a dismal look on his face. “Good! I think your finally starting to get what I mean when I say for you to be normal.” Hexxus shifted in discomfort.          “Hhhnnggeeerrrraaahhh okay I’ll try, but I’ll have you know; you are really pushing my limits here.”          “Good boy!” She took off, but not before giving him a light pat on his head. “Now, let’s go and see if old Uncle Bill still has that loft on the second level of the third tree.”          She flew up to the village of tree houses with a small grin on her face. She loved her time in Low Nest when her parents had brought her here for vacation five years ago. Nothing had changed over the years. She would occasionally offer a smile and a wave to any of the gryphon’s that she had recognized, and they would all return her smiles and waves, whether or not they remembered her. Afterwards they would return to whatever activity they were doing beforehand, which was mostly tending to the masses of vines that coated the trees. Meanwhile, Hexxus just trailed along behind her clenching his fist multiple times in an attempt to suppress the urges to… well be himself.  His eyes flashed back and forth at houses that they passed, and his curiosity kept making him want to know what most of the things were that he saw in them through their windows. He silently cursed the advances and changes that naturally came with time. Everything was new to him and if it weren’t for Anasta being there he would have been all over everything like a fat kid in a candy store. Pretty soon though his attention was pulled to one place when Anasta stopped in front of one of the tree houses that was nearly unnoticeable because of all the vines that had completely covered it. In fact, if it wasn’t for a small circular window half way up part of the wall, Hexxus would have asked why they were stopping. They landed on a small porch, which was also covered in vines, that jutted out a few feet from the house. Anasta walked up to the window and pulled some of the vines to the side, revealing a small grey door that was painted to match the color of the tree’s bark. She gave it three hard rasps with the back of her knuckle. After a few minutes of nothing, she gave the door another two knocks, and after another minute of silence Hexxus decided to break the silence. “Anny, I don’t think anyone is ho-“ Suddenly they heard a series of very loud locks being undone from the other side of the door, and thirty seconds later it was open revealing a old gryphoness. She had grey feathers adorning her upper body and an even darker shade of grey covering her flanks. She had that old look about her, but it was also the look of someone who held themselves with pride, and were pleased  with how their life was. But the most distinct feature about her was the centimeter thick black glasses that sat on her beak. They magnified her azure eyes to such a preposterous size. Oh dear Eden this is going to be hard. Just breathe Hexxus and resist the urge to laugh. But as he looked into those deep blue orbs, it became painfully obvious he was fighting a losing battle. It soon escalated to the point where he had to had to hold his beak shut to keep him from laughing. She shifted her glasses up her beak so she could get a better look at the two gryphons at her door. “Ehhh whose there?” Her voice was very high pitched and made her sound like she was whining every word she said. Oh my Eden. The glasses! The voice! I give up! Hexxus fell over and gave into the uncontrollable laughter. “It’s me Antie Robin, Anasta !” Oh please say that she will recognize me... and Grydon damnit Hexxus! While her aunt adjusted her glasses some more, Anasta gave Hexxus a quick kick with her back leg. “Anasta?” The old bird adjusted her glasses a few more times before realizing who it was. “Oh Anasta, how’ve you been? Its been so long since we last saw you.” By this time Hexxus had went into a seizure, and was foaming at the mouth from laughing so hard at how Antie Robin sounded when she talked. Anasta just ignored this and moved to hug her aunt. “I’m fine Auntie Robin, and it’s been too long since we last saw each other.” “Indeed it has darling.” She then looked over to the other gryphon on her porch, that was convulsing uncontrollably. “Umm, before we catch up, Anasta dear, don’t you think we should get your friend some help first? It sounds like he’s suffocating.” “Oh don’t worry about him he is just a bit weird.” Anasta put one of her back paws on his side and shoved him off the edge of the porch. There that should help him stop being an total jerk. Turning away from the edge she beamed a smile at her aunt, who looked a little concerned about what just transpired. “Now what say you, we go inside and set up a nice cup of tea Antie Robin.” Just then a whoosh of air ruffled Anasta’s feathers as a rustic blur flew up past them and landed on the porch. Hexxus had a full recovery and put his A-game face on as he approached Robin. “Well Mrs. Robin, it is a pleasure to meet you, and I do hope you can forgive my rudeness from before.” He picked up one of her wrinkly talons and gave it a kiss. Oh hell no! Is he putting moves on my aunt? Hexxus continued kissing his way up the limb. Yep, it’s finalized, I’m going to KILL HIM!!! “Oh well ain’t you the charmer. Anasta aren’t you going to introduce him?” Robin had a slight blush across her cheeks. “His name is-“ “I am Hexxus Algra Celbrus,” he bowed his head slightly, before giving the old gryphon a mischievous gaze, “but you can just call me Hex.” “Oh how exotic! Please do come in. I was just starting to make some lunch, and well, I always have a habit of making a bit too much food for me and Bill to finish on our own.” Robin turned around and walked back into her house, and Hexxus followed close behind, only to be stopped by a hard tug on his tail preventing him from advancing any more. Anasta pulled him back till she could look into his eyes with her ice cold gaze. “What in Tartarus do you think you’re doing? I thought we agreed no funny business.” A rattle snake’s poison had nothing on the venom that dripped from her words. “What? I’m just being polite.” “Being polite, and flirting with my aunt are two completely different things.” She reached up and pulled him down to her eye level by the beak. ”Now promise me that you won’t do it again.” “Uhg… okay I promise.” “Good.” Anasta pushed past him and entered the house. Hexxus chuckled to himself as he lifted his talons, which just happened to be crossed, up to his face for a few seconds before following Anasta. The inside of the house was obviously made using unicorn magic. It went deep into the tree, where at its center there was a single pillar of wood that opened up, revealing a spiral stair case that went up and down into two more floors. Almost everything was made of wood; the tables, chairs, couches, even the plates and silverware.  In fact the few things that weren’t were the glass in the windows, cushions on the seats, and a single iron stove in the far corner of the house, but even that was painted brown to help it match the interior. There weren’t any curtains on any of the windows since there was no need for them, the vines outside took care of that. Hexxus and Anasta wiped their feet off on a rough mat  made of some sort of bristly bark before entering. Hexxus let out a whistle at all the wood around him, which Anasta gave him a jab in the side for. Antie Robin disappeared somewhere in the back of the house through two doors that were shaped to look like western saloon doors. “Bill we have company!~” “Ehh, who is it?” Came a winded voice that sounded as if the user was under a lot of strain. “It’s Anasta and she’s brought a friend with her.” There was a grunt and the sound of something heavy hitting the floor from one of the other levels, and not soon after the figure of a large gryphon ascending the stairs could be seen. Hexxus could honestly say he was intimidated by the looming figure of the old gryphon that just appeared because of how muscular he was. If it weren’t for the wrinkles on the gryphons face and the grey feathers that covered most of his body anyone would have thought that he was still in the mid twenties. Two hard scarlet eyes slowly looked over Hexxus, who was grinning like an idiot and waving slightly at him. Then he turned to look at the significantly smaller Anasta, and that hard look of his softened like butter. “Well look here, our little Anny has grown all up, and she has gotten a boy friend!” The large gryphon had a small smile on his face as he rushed over to her and picked her up, easily enveloping her in his big arms. Anasta blushed furiously and tried pushing her way out of her uncle’s vice lock grip. “He’s just a friend Uncle Bill, now please I need air!” She said patting him on the shoulder. “Oh sorry dear.” He put her down and ruffled the feathers on her head. “Look at you, it’s almost as if you haven’t grown an inch.” He chuckled as a frustrated look entered her eyes. He then turned to Hexxus who was just Dwahhhing at the site of the family reunion. “And who might you be?” “Who me?” Hexxus looked around as if someone was standing next to him. “Why, I am the infamously favored idiot of yester year, but you can call me Hexxus sir.” He held out a talon, which Bill hesitantly accepted. “Bill,” the large gryphon squeezed Hexxus’s hand a bit too hard and it let out a pop, “it’s a pleasure.” “Hehehe I like you Billy,” Hexxus replied by squeezing the larger gryphon’s hand equally as hard, “maybe you and I can hang out later.” The two were looking each other in the eyes with the fiercest of looks and the tension in the air could be felt swelling as their heads kept moving together. Bill had an almost angry look on his face, and Hexxus just stared back with an unsettling grin on his face that could scare a manticore shit-less. Okay I need to put a stop to this before Anything happens. “Okay you guys break it up, and Hexxus what did I say about behaving yourself.” “Oh don’t worry Anny,” Hexxus said, Bill gave him a intrigued look when he called her Anny, “I was just introducing myself like any veteran of war would.” “Damn right my little Anasta, we are just two soldiers greeting each other, and I must say it’s been a long time since I have seen someone with enough guts to stare me down like that.” “Wait Hexxus how did you know that Uncle Bill used to be in Gryphonica’s militia?” “Anny it’s only something a fighter would know, and by Eden judging by your uncles eyes, I can already tell he has been though a great many battles.” He said with a smirk on his face. “And right you are lad,” Bill said returning Hexxus’s grin, ”but now I have to ask, what are you supposed to be? Never in my life have I ever seen a gryphon like you before. You have the look of a warrior in your eyes but there is something more dwelling in their depths.” “Well let’s just say I’m a veteran form a different time and leave it at that.” “Okay I can respect that, but how are you associated to Anasta?” The admiration in his voice was replaced now by concern. “Well, umm… ” Darnit what do I do? I cant just say I became her servant after saving her from nearly being raped. ”Anny do you want to cover this one?” “Yah I guess I may as well. Well Uncle Bill we met up at Birch Peak. I saved Hexxus and then he saved me, and from then on we have been traveling together.” Bill had a small amount of anger in his face when he turned back to Hexxus. “You haven’t done anything to ruin my niece’s innocence, have you boy? Cause if you have I swear I’ll-“ “Uncle Bill stop, Hexxus and I aren’t like that,” Ewww, why’d he have to bring that up? Now I'm thinking about it and... ewewewewew! “we are just friends.” “Yah if anything I’m more like her bodyguard.” “Bodyguard?” Bill raised an eye brow. “Well you see, when we met I was in quite the pickle and Anny here help me out, so now I am repaying the favor.” “Well now, I never took you to be the brave type Anasta.” “Well you know, time changes all things.” She said rolling her eyes. Just then Robin’s voice came from the kitchen requesting some help to make dinner. Hexxus was about to volunteer but Anasta knew better that to trust him alone with her aunt so she went instead leaving him alone with her uncle. A few awkward moments passed before Hexxus broke the silence that had befallen the room. “So… umm… what was it you were doing right before we came in here? It sounded like you doing some pretty heavy lifting down there.” “Well, you are pretty close when it comes to that. Here why don’t we go down and I can show you my wine cellar.” Hexxus couldn't help but to notice a twinkle of pride in the Bill’s eyes. “W-wine? You make wine!?” Oh thank Eden, booze! Bill chuckled as he started back down the stairs to the basement. “You ain’t from around here are you boy?” Hexxus merely shook his head. “Well to be honest, nearly everyone in this village has some sort of a wine cellar, after all it is our main export and one of the only things keeping this town afloat.” He ducked under a low piece of wood that had had grown out into the staircase despite the enchantments in the wood. “Watch your head.” Once at the bottom he flicked a light switch that lit up the room in an instant. To any normal gryphon this would have been normal, but to an impossibly old demigod that had been sealed away for a few thousand years, it was some sort of new magic that he couldn’t comprehend. So for less than a second, Hexxus had a momentary loss of sanity, and here are a few things he did in that .823 seconds; ate an unholy churro, sculpted a very very detailed marble statue of Celestia, befriended a retarded horse, climbed a mountain, farted fire, put down the retarded horse when it got rabies, sang ‘Country Roads’ with an elk while wearing a sombrero, fought off a zombie apocalypse that was lead by the retarded horse, and finished up by setting fire to a dress making shop in some distant town far down south. But to Bill this all sounded as if it were an excited squeal. “What was that?” He looked back at Hexxus who had a calm face. “What? I didn’t hear anything.” He said as he used one of his back paws to push a sombrero lying on the floor out of sight. “Right.” Bill narrowed his eyes slightly before continuing on into the center of the basement, where there was an assortment of different wine related objects. It was a very large, open basement that had the ceiling go up a good fifteen feet high, to make room for the numerous wine making necessities. Half of the room had barrels stacked up on their sides, each easily larger than the average gryphon, and would require two sets of hands to lift when filled. On the other side of the room was several stations where the actual making of the wine would take place. In each area there was different assortments of tools that would help in the making of the wine. “Well, this is where the magic takes place.” He first walked over to a large round stone, that was set up in the same way you would see wheat grinding mill stones, set up in the middle of the room. “This is where it all begins for making great wine; first I take whatever fruit I am making into a wine, which is usually grape, and grind it down to a pulp here.” He pointed to a small trough that the stone wheel went around where there was already some mashed up grapes in it. “This was what I was doing right before you and Anasta came in here today.” There was a thick leather collar, modified to fit a gryphon, sticking out from an assortment of gears and pulleys that made it easier to push the wheel around. He then picked up a scraper and took out a mound of mashed grapes. “Now if you look underneath all this mashed up fruit, you can see these small holes under the trough.” He pointed to the holes, each were the circumference of a pencil. “These let the mash fall into the glass bowls below. And then once enough mash has been acquired,” he picked a half filled bowel up and brought it over to what looked like a meat grinder, “we put it in here.” He dropped the mash into the top and flipped a switch making the machine come to life with a little whirring sound. “This device is used for two different things; removing the juice from the mashed up grapes,” another bowl underneath a tap connected to the machine started to fill with liquid, “and filtering out all the seeds from the leftover mash so they can be replanted.” “You know Bill, I would have never taken you for a guy that makes wine.” Hexxus said with a cheesy grin on his face. “Yeah I know, but there isn’t much that a guy can take passion in doing after retiring. Anyway the wine business isn’t half bad paying, if you know what I mean. Plenty of bits and all the booze you can drink.” He let out a hearty chuckle. “Well, I do enjoy someone that knows how to live and certain-“ “Boys, lunch is ready!” Anasta yelled down the stairs. “Come get it while it’s still hot!” A wide smile spread across Hexxus’s face as the thoughts of food entered his mind. “Joy!  Come on Sarge, last one there doesn’t get seconds.” He darted up the stairs in the blink of an eye leaving behind a gryphon shaped cloud of smoke that had a slight tint of green to it. The old gryphon let out a sigh. “These younger gryphons are starting to make me feel old.” Suddenly came a loud thunk, and Hexxus came rolling down the stairs with a red lump on his forehead from hitting that stray branch in the hall way. “Then again, this one is a bit of an ignoramus so I guess that makes up for it.” He then stepped over Hexxus, who was seeing wine bottles and corks doing cartwheels around his head. This fictional piece was brought to you by the letters B and O, and by the number 2232. You know it =). Now I would like to hold a small memorial for all the lives lost in the making of this chapter. Brain cells 232-641(2003-2012) You guys won't be missed. Opelesence(???-2012) Such an annoying cat. Retared horse(1765-2012) The only one I really cared about. The Frontier Phychiatrist(1968-2012) GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!! Kenny McCorrmick(???-???) Those mother f***ing bastards. But really thanks once again to my proofreaders Meeester, Mally, and Ex-Nihilos. Also big thanks to all of you who are following this story, it really means allot.