//------------------------------// // Chapter 15 // Story: Swapping Scales For Suave // by Jest //------------------------------// Spike tossed aside the last of the invitations and dropped his head to the table with an audible thunk. He then groaned, and turned over to look at Rarity as she assembled the ones he had discarded along with the others into a giant tower of card stock. “Please tell me that's the last of them,” Spike groaned. “My horn feels like it's going to fall off.” “Oh it will not…” Rarity glanced at the unicorn’s slightly glowing appendage and winced. “On second thought it might. Why don't you get some ice and lay off the magic for a while?” “Gladly,” Spike replied. The pony trotted off into the kitchen and returned not long after with both a bag of ice as well as a sandwich. Plunking back down into his seat, Spike bit into his snack and chewed slowly, his gaze focused on the writing utensils arrayed before him. “Is that all of 'em?” Spike asked between bites. “Yes,” Rarity replied with a frown. “What are you eating?” “Peanut butter and banana, see?” Spike opened his sandwich to reveal that was indeed what he was eating. “Got a problem?” “No, no. You’ve been quite adamant about your morning runs so I have little doubt that won't all end up on my flanks,” Rarity exclaimed. “Damn right,” Spike declared. “Now what do we gotta do, other than add the actual date of the wedding to these like… nine hundred invitations?” “Pinkie Pie and Applejack were handling catering, correct?” Rarity asked. Spike nodded enthusiastically while he munched noisily on his sandwich. “Then I believe it's just a matter of arranging our honeymoon, getting the wedding license, and finally securing our reservation,” Rarity exclaimed. Spike swallowed hard. “Is it really going to be that difficult to get a date? I know this place is prestigious, and that we want to get in relatively quickly, but surely it wouldn't be that hard.” “Trust me darling. We are going to be very, very lucky to get in within the time frame you’ve set out for us,” Rarity declared. “Alright then,” Spike glanced at the clock. “We got an hour before dinner. Wanna head to the town hall and get that license?” “That sounds like a wonderful idea,” Rarity replied, rising from her chair. “I’d very much like to get everything squared away before we leave to get our reservation.” “Wait, leave?” Spike interjected. “Why can't we just send a letter?” Rarity scoffed. “The owner will want to meet us in order to see if we are a good fit for their establishment. Something he cannot do if we do not show up in person as it were.” “I mean I guess. But they're a business right? Why’d they turn us away?” Spike continued. “Because they are a prestigious business that has held the ceremonies of kings, queens, and heads of state the world over!” Rarity gushed, sweeping her partner into a sudden hug, stars shining behind her eyes. “This is no average venue, this is the Belmont! To have our service there is to join the most elite of the elite!” “Help,” Spike wheezed. “Crushing me.” “Oh, sorry darling,” Rarity muttered, unceremoinsly dropping Spike to the ground. “I guess I’m still not quite used to how strong you are.” “Well get a grip on that quick. Cus I don't know if your ribs can take much more,” Spike murmured. “Right, err sorry about that,” Rarity blinked. “Where did your sandwich go?” “Look down,” Spike replied. Rarity followed her lover’s suggestion and sighed when she laid eyes on the peanut butter covered bread pressed against her chest. “I suppose I was thinking of having a shower anyway…” Rarity murmured. “Great. You go do that while I enjoy another sandwich,” Spike replied. Rarity sighed. “Yes dear.” Rarity strode up to the door and pulled it open. “After you darling.” Spike rolled his eyes. “You know this whole chivalry thing is far more annoying then I would have anticipated.” “Really? But it's so endearing,” Rarity replied, following after her partner as he entered the building. “I can open it myself though ya know?” Spike retorted. “It kind of feels like I’m being told that I’m too weak and pathetic to manage the incredible feat that is simply opening a door.” “Pish posh darling. Don't think of it as an attack, but a compliment! You are beautiful, and others wish for you to know this fact,” Rarity explained. “Augh, that just makes it worse,” Spike groaned. “Chin up darling. You’re going to give me wrinkles,” Rarity exclaimed. Spike groaned even louder, and pouted as hard as he was physically able to do so. “Well now you’re just being childish,” Rarity muttered. “Whatever,” Spike remarked, walking past the dragon and up to the desk. “Hi. We’re here to apply for a marriage license.” The earth pony sitting behind the desk raised her scarlet hoof for a moment before going back to reading her book. Confused, and slightly annoyed, Spike stood there silently while the young mare read until she found a spot to stop. Then she slowly placed a bookmark between the pages and closed them, setting aside the thin hard cover. “What did you want?” she asked in a bored, apathetic tone. “We wish to apply for a marriage license,” Rarity interrupted before Spike could say a word. “It's rathter urgent by the way.” “Sure,” muttered the mare. “Just a sec.” The earth pony slipped off her seat and walked into the back at a slow, plodding pace. “Hmm. The help only seems to get worse around here,” Spike remarked. “Did you catch her name by chance?” “Stupid Law,” Rarity replied. “Now that's just rude. Why would you call her that?” Spike retorted. Rarity pointed to the small name plaque sitting on the desk. “I’m serious. That's what it says.” “No wonder she's so irritable. I’d be a dick too if I had a name like that,” Spike muttered. A moment later and they were joined by both Stupid Law, Mayor Mare, and a third pony they didn't recognize. Shorter then both of the other mares, she stood a full head below even Spike, though it was clear that she was older than the former dragon. The newly arrived unicorn had a tightly cropped black mane, sharp gold eyes, and rust colored fur that was slightly fluffier than the average. “Oh it's you two. Good thing you grabbed us,” Mayor Mare exclaimed. “No kidding. This could be quite the problem,” remarked the mystery mare. “Wait, who are you? And why would this be a problem for anyone?” Spike declared. “I’m Shirley Temple, and I specialize in the laws which surround curses,” explained the unicorn mare. “What are you talking about? My family didn't make any of those stupid rules,” muttered Stupid Law. “It was this mare over here.” “Actually it was my predecessor, Overly Cautious who put that law on the book,” Mayor Mare answered. “You wish you were the one to recommend me that book,” Stupid Rule muttered. Mayor Mare rolled her eyes. “What I’m trying to say is that we may be facing a bit of an issue surrounding your application as there is a good chance it will be rejected.” “What, why?” Spike exclaimed, throwing up his hooves. “Because the mayor before me established that no parties could wed one another while under the effects of a curse,” Mayor Mare exclaimed. “Well thats a stupid law,” Spike muttered. “No, I’m Stupid Law. Shes Mayor Mare,” Stupid Law replied. Spike groaned. “That's not what I meant.” Rarity cleared her throat and stepped forward. “Surely there must be some way around this.” “There is, and Shirly was my mother’s name. Please just call me Temple,” Shirly declared. “Err right,” Rarity muttered. “So how do we get around this stupid-” Spike bit his tongue. “How do we bypass this ridiculous injunction?” “Well we’d need a few assurances before we could grant you a license,” Mayor Mare declared. “Starting with a note from a medical professional declaring that you are both of sound mind.” “But the curse didn't make us stupid, it made us switch bodies,” Spike exclaimed. “Pfft, obviously it didn't make you Stupid. You’re not me,” remarked Stupid Law. Spike groaned. “I meant that the curse didn't affect our mental capacity, or alter our minds in any such way. We just got swapped around. And go read or something, you’re not helping anyone!” “Pfft whatever. I don't need this,” Stupid Law exclaimed, flopping back into her chair and flipping open her book. “So, this whole thing is like freeky friday?” Shirly Temple asked. “Exactly!” Spike shouted. “Regardless,” Mayor Mare interrupted. “We can't continue unless we have some guarantee that you aren't being coerced into this in any way. Which is why we’ll need some kind of curse expert to discern the nature of the curse itself.” “Wait, you could do that, right?” Rarity asked, gesturing down to Shirly expectantly. “Yeah, you’re just the mare for the job!” Spike exclaimed. “Were not actually related,” Mayor Mare interrupted. “That's not what I meant!” Spike yelled. “Surely there is no need to yell darling,” Rarity whispered. “I wasn't yelling,” Shirly exclaimed. Spike groaned loudly. “Just anylize the curse already!” “Right you are lad,” Shirly exclaimed, her horn burning brightly as she cast a spell. “Well that was easier than expected.” “Good news, I hope?” Mayor Mare inquired. Shirly Temple nodded. “Indeed there is. This curse is rather simple after all, and does exactly what they said it does. There is one small, teensy little thing which strikes me as odd however.” “Oh and what is that?” Rarity pressed. “The trigger to dismiss the spell. It's not as clear cut as the others. Was there a cryptic warning or perhaps some silly riddle that came with the rings?” Shirly Temple inquired. “Only that it would allow us to see how much the other cares for us,” Spike explained. “The guy who sold it to Spike indicated that getting married could indeed break it,” Rarity added. “Good news then!” Shirly Temple exclaimed. “We wouldn't need to worry about that pesky regulation at all.” “Great! The less I have to deal with that stupid law the better,” Spike exclaimed. “Aww come on man. Now thats just rude,” Stupid Law exclaimed. Spike groaned. “I think I’m going to burst a blood vessel.” “Please don't darling. I would hate to have to hire an illisionist on such short notice,” Rarity whispered. “Just deal with them, why don't you?” Spike whispered back. “Right,” Rarity stood straight. “So if we werent dealing with that… roadblock. Is there anything else holding us back from getting the marriage license?” “Oh no. The process of applying for a marriage license for the purpose of breaking a curse is actually quite expedient as one might expect,” Shirly Temple remarked. “Huh. Whoever must have put that law into the books must have been cautious,” Rarity exclaimed. “Actually that one was me,” Mayor Mare exclaimed. Rarity sighed. “That's not what I… you know what? It doesn't matter. How do I apply for it and how long will it take? Surely it wouldn't take that long as it's supposed to be for emergencies.” “Please, call me Temple,” Shirly Temple offered. “That isn't…” Rarity squeezed her eyes shut and took several slow breaths before opening them again. “What do I have to do?” “Just fill out the application like usual, then simply indicate in the field at the bottom that you both are currently cursed,” Mayor Mare explained. “But make sure you cross out the box that says you are applying for the purpose of breaking that curse, not that you are currently cursed and are a hostage of some kind,” Shirly Temple added. “Ahh right. I always forget about that one. I really should move those two sections so they aren't on top of each other but Overly Cautious made so many copies of everything that it would be a waste to throw them all out,” Mayor Mare remarked. “What, but they look identical!” Rarity exclaimed. “Which one is the right one?” “Oh, you can tell because the addendums are different,” Mayor Mare exclaimed, flipping over several sheets of paper and pointing to the bottom of the page. “See, this one indicates that the top box is for any manner of cursed based cooresion while the other is not.” “But that's several pages over! Whoever made this thing is stupid,” Rarity muttered. “Actually it was Overly Cautious who made it. I just started this week,” Stupid Law explained. Rarity’s eye twitched. “I can see this whole thing is stressful, why don't you take the documentation home and bring it back once you’re done?” Shirly Temple offered. “That would be great,” Spike interrupted, swiping the small stack of papers from the desk. “Thanks for your help everyone.” “It is no problem at all,” Shirly Temple exclaimed. “Congratulations by the way,” Mayor Mare offered. “Thank you mayor,” Rarity murmured. “I still say this is ridiculous,” Stupid Law remarked. “A happy marriage is such a rarity these days that you’d have to do something crazy like spike his coffee every morning just to stay married.” Spike inhaled deeply, only to have his muzzle clamped shut by Rarity. “I am not doing this for even a moment longer,” Rarity muttered. “Come along darling.” Spike grumbled, but reluctantly followed after his partner, muttering to himself the entire way out of the building. “Well then. That's over with,” Rarity muttered. “Wanna grab a bottle of wine, and of those premaid salads from the grocery store for dinner?” Spike asked. “Better make those two bottles,” Rarity replied.