I honestly am not sure how to react. Externally, I am very happy that I am a princess and a Princess of Justice at that. Internally, I am seething. Becoming a princess is not something that I ever wanted, and it goes against everything that I believe in. I feel a whole variety of emotions, but I need to act properly in front of one hundred thousand ponies! I can’t screw this up. Besides, I just launched a firework into the sky, which should exhibit happiness; but I don’t feel happy! I feel, well I don’t know!
It doesn’t matter, anyway, because I have to give a speech now, and everypony is waiting for me to say something! I cast a quick spell, and a few cue cards are put into my hooves. I glance at them, going over my notes, and then I take a deep breath. Here goes nothing!
“Good afternoon, everypony.” I manage to whisper. I think Noah is the only creature who heard that. He taps me on the neck, and whispers “Try again Starlight. I am right here.” It’s a good thing he remounted before my speech started! I need him right now, and he doesn’t even know how badly I need him. I trot in place for a few moments, before clearing my throat. Maybe this second attempt at giving a speech will work?
“Good afternoon, everypony!” I exclaim, to which I am met with a reply of thunderous applause and cheer. That certainly put me in a better mood! Might as well continue!
“It is the highlight of my life to be crowned your newest princess. Before I get into the fine details of my mandate as Princess of Justice, I wanted to say thank you to a few ponies, first. I wouldn’t be here without my teacher, friend, and mentor Princess Twilight Sparkle!” I say, trying not to cry. My voice did get a bit higher pitched. Twilight trots over to me and we both embrace tightly. The crowd goes wild, with chants of “FRIENDSHIP! FRIENDSHIP! FRIENDSHIP!” This feels like the Buckball finals all over again!
“You’re welcome, Starlight. You can continue now. I am right here.” Twilight says, making her way to the bridge chair that she just conjured next to my podium. I nod, signaling that I am ready to continue my speech.
“Obviously, I also need to thank Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, because they were equally instrumental in my Friendship Studies over the past year. Don’t think I forgot about you two!” I chuckle. I take a deep breath and continue.
“Right, where were we? Oh! Right. Princess of Justice. Some of you might be wondering what exactly that is? Isn’t Equestria already a just society? Don’t we consider Friendship to be paramount? Well, I am here to make the case that a lot of work still needs to be done. Would anypony care to listen?” I ask rhetorically, as the crowd unanimously chants “YES, PRINCESS STARLIGHT!”
I chuckle at the group mindset, before continuing. “Well, Justice isn’t just a concept, but also a mindset. Ever since I was a little filly, I have noticed that some things in life aren’t totally fair. Initially, I thought the best way to deal with this was by forcing everypony to be equal. I took away hundreds of ponies’ Cutie Marks when I was mayor of “Our Town”. I sadly didn’t realize that my vision of Justice was warped. Justice involves cooperation and pacifist activism, rather than unilateral decision-making and offensive maneuvers. My year of study under the tutelage of Princess Twilight showed me that while my intentions were noble, my means to achieve them were flawed.”
This is true, by the way. As much as I am posturing to the crowd, I am being dead serious. I am still adamant about ensuring equality amongst all Equestrian citizens, but I don’t plan on using such draconian measures to bring about my ideal utopia. I just hope everypony will like my ideas! Here goes nothing!
“So, now you are all probably curious on how I am going to harbor Justice within the confines of the law. Well, now you are going to find out! I plan on broadening the money laundering laws in Equestria, to ensure that nopony will get away with white-horseshoe crime again!”
The crowd cheers and I see some of the Canterlot nobility begin to shift uncomfortably in their seats! My plan is working, like clockwork! I couldn’t be happier. Seeing those rich, self-absorbed excuses of ponies be brought to justice brings me utter joy.
“No offshore bank accounts in Seaquestria, no insider trading on the ESE, and no more tax evasion! Everypony can and will pay their fair share!”
My rider chuckles. I think he’s heard this line before back on his planet. I’ll agree to disagree with him. He’s being incredibly well behaved for a creature who doesn’t like loud noises and large crowds. I am proud of him!
“It’s not just white-horseshoe crime I am going to fix. There is a problem in our society with regard to discrimination against nonponies. My senior Princesses, save for Twilight, are still somewhat antiquated in their definition of Friendship. They believe it can only be achieved between ponies, and ponies alone. That is very outdated, in my opinion.”
Perfect segue to talk about my rider and his Friendship program! I am so excited to talk about it!
“Not only will I bring justice to Equestria, fix her criminal code, and improve wages for all ponies, I will also maintain and improve Twilight’s Friendship Program! As Twilight said before during her address to you, exactly one week ago today, she discovered a new planet. I don’t particularly remember her misadventures with Sunset Shimmer, but it’s not that planet. It’s a different one. Twilight gave me a unique assignment. I was to meet, interact, and befriend one of these planet's denizens.”
I need to act impartially in regard to Noah right now. He’s my coltfriend, rider, and student, but nopony here knows any of that. I have to keep the “lovey-dovey” stuff to myself! This will prove to be quite the challenge!
“The human who has the honor of being mounted atop an alicorn is named Noah. He is around my age, and we have gotten along quite nicely together. As Twilight said earlier. This youngster has a neurological condition, called “autism”, that allows him to see the world quite differently than most. While he is highly intelligent, astute, and bookish, it came at a heavy price. Noah’s brain cannot process social cues in the same ways that other humans, or ponies, can. His brain is like a library, that isn’t cataloged! The books are there, but they aren’t in the right places!”
I turn my head back towards my rider and ask: “Does that sound about right?” He nods and gives me a gentle pat on the neck.
“Keep going, Starlight. You’re doing great. Hell, I wouldn’t have put it any other way” He says, scratching me affectionately behind the ear. I try not to blush, and I continue with my address.
“From what Noah has told me about his race, humans are a complicated species. They fight, destroy cities, damage their own planet for resources, and discriminate against each other. Even with all of that, humans are innately social creatures. They need Friendship to survive properly, and Twilight thinks that we can help them get there. When I first heard of this plan, I was appalled! I am vehemently against imperialism of any sort, as you have probably inferred by now.”
The crowd started laughing, and even the Princesses in attendance joined in! At least I have a good sense of humor, right?
“Thankfully, this program is on a volunteer basis, and only those humans who fully consent to participation will be admitted to this program. Now, for an announcement!”
The crowd oohs and ahhs, wondering what I am going to announce. Twilight nods, signaling I am allowed to announce the School of Friendship on her behalf.
“Princess Twilight and I are opening a school! It’s not going to be any old school. It’s going to be a School of Friendship! The two of us want to bring Friendship into the modern era, and we think inviting some new creatures into the mix would make things more fun!”
The crowd goes silent. I am not sure if they are waiting to hear more, or are about to riot in objection to my inclusive agenda!
“Twilight sent out letters to the leaders of several nonpony races, inviting them to send their youngsters to learn our ways. As of today, we have dragons, Kirin, griffons, hippogriffs, and even changelings who are sending their young to our school for the next scholastic year! Humans from Noah’s world will also be in attendance, but I need to work on the finer details of that.”
The Canterlot nobility, who are sitting in the front row, look at me with disgust and indignation. First, I call them out on tax fraud and evading the law, and now I am breaking the wheel of Friendship, and building a new one!
“A unique addition to the program in regards to human pupils is that they will all be “neurodivergent”. This means that these students will be differing in mental or neurological function from what is considered typical or normal. Now, don’t get me wrong. That doesn’t make these kids any less intelligent. They just show their smarts in a different way. Please take note that I got my wings for bringing Friendship to a creature who needed it the most.”
I hear a significant amount of boos and hisses in the crowd. I guess someponies are ableist! Celestia gives the crowd a stink eye, and the jeering ends as abruptly as it begins. Somponies are jerks!
“We all need to catch up with the times, it seems…but I digress. The point is that it is an act of Justice to bring Friendship to those who wouldn’t receive it normally. Making the world a better, more equitable place is something I’ve always wanted to do since I was a filly. Now, I can.”
Now, for the technical stuff. It’ll be a bit boring, sure, but it’s just as important as the sentimental aspects of a speech.
“The first batch of humans will be neurodivergent adolescents and young adults between the ages of 13 and 25. I expect there to be maybe fifteen or twenty, but no more than twenty-five. My goal is to teach these humans how to interact with anycreature without needing to hide who they are. Conversation skills, empathy lessons, heck, even board games! Anything that can help these humans discover Friendship for themselves can and will be used in this groundbreaking, highly innovative program.”
I turn my head once more, to see how my rider is holding up. Looks good on his end! He seems to be quite pleased with these progressive ideas that Twilight and I came up with. Noah seems more relaxed now, shifting himself comfortably in his seat. I am happy that he’s relaxed!
“Some of you might also be wondering what this young man is doing sitting on me, and with a bridle in my mouth, no less!”
The crowd quickly turns their attention to my rider, who goes pale as a ghost!
“Don’t worry, everypony, what he’s doing is actually part of the Friendship Lessons I’m giving him! It’s called “riding”. Where Noah comes from, there are creatures somewhat similar to us that humans have domesticated. They are much simpler creatures and are not sentient like us. Humans use them as beasts of burden. I personally find that abhorrent, and Noah does, too! Before you all get mad and throw things at me, let me explain myself, first.”
I hope this part goes well! Please, please let it go well!
“As I just stated, the main difference between ponies and “equines”, as Noah calls them, is sapience. We can exhibit how we feel, emote verbally, and are conscious of our surroundings. Ponies happen to be strong! We have abilities that humans don’t possess, such as flight for pegasi, or magic for unicorns. Even Earth Ponies have a hoof-up on them, with uncanny stamina and durability!”
The sea of ponies all look at each other, each race noticing their differences and similarities. They promptly return their attention back towards me.
“If we want to help humans, especially neurodiverse humans, in their quest to learn Friendship, we need to show them that we can be trusted. Lending our backs to a human is a reasonable step in this direction. We can aid them in their travels, possibly lift them into the heavens if you’re a pegasus, or provide well-needed companionship! I can assure you from personal experience that “riding” is a painless activity, and actually can be quite comfortable at times!”
I think the word of a Princess should be enough to quell the fears of the masses, but life has taught me that I cannot be certain about anything. I need to play it safe!
“The best part is, other nonpony races can help humans in this regard, too! Kirin, Changelings, Griffons, and even Hippogriffs are all tall enough and strong enough for a human to use as a “steed”, as Noah calls a creature who is used to aid humans in their travels. Nopony will be forced to do anything. I can assure you all of that! Besides, this is a trial run in the Equestrian Exchange Program. If anything goes wrong, the next batch will improve and learn from our mistakes.”
So far, this speech is going quite well. I just hope that the crowd won’t break out into heckling again! That really bugged me! Everypony needs to learn some decorum, especially in Canterlot, of all places!
“Providing a physically weaker species with assistance in travels, as well as emotional care and support is a true act of Friendship. In fact, I could even go as far as to claim it saves lives!”
It’s anecdote time! I love anecdotes!
“Imagine, for a moment, a human child who has nocreature to care for them. They are alone, sad, and even melancholic at times. Then, they hear that a talking pony is willing to teach them Friendship, possibly even befriend the child, as well! Once being properly vetted by both human and pony governments, the child will be brought here to learn our ways! Feeling a tangible bond with a friend can improve empathy, cognition, and even reduce depression! Hugs work, too, but imagine if you are a pegasus, and you take your human friend for a ride in the sky! Imagine being a unicorn, taking your human friend for a ride, enhanced with magic! Imagine being an Earth Pony, taking your human friend for a ride, teaching them valuable life lessons and social skills along the way! The possibilities are literally endless, and I have a very good feeling teaching Friendship to as many creatures as possible will enrich the lives of everypony!”
I think I hit the nail on the head because I heard one pony clapping her hooves. I think it was actually Bon Bon! A second pony joins in, and then a third. A few moments later, the entirety of Canterlot Square burst into voracious applause! Chants of “Friendship” and “Starlight” could probably be heard from all four corners of Equestria!
My rider gives me a hug and whispers something into my ear. “I am one lucky human, you know that, right? Riding an alicorn goddess, being her friend, being her boyfriend, the whole nine yards!”
Well, of course, he’s a lucky human! He’s my lucky human, and now it’s his turn to give a speech!
“Well, I think everypony’s heard enough of me already. Before we get to the party, which I hear was planned by none other than Pinkamena Diane Pie herself, there is one more speech that needs to be given. I would like to introduce to you my student, my rider, and my co-equal sovereign of Justice. Introducing Noah the Human, Rider of Justice! Can everypony give him a round of applause?!”
***
Woah, my pony goddess girlfriend sure can give a speech. Honestly, it was probably one of the best speeches I have ever heard in my life. What I certainly wasn’t expecting was the lack of applause or even a reaction to Starlight introducing me! I guess ponies are not used to new things? Maybe Friendship is a façade? I don’t know. What I do know is that the silence was deafening. Perhaps the crowd was only applauding out of duress?
Twilight looks at me with a sorry muzzle, almost as if she feels bad for me. She probably does. Celestia gives the audience yet another stink eye. Nothing happens, but Starlight turns her head and gives me a pleasant look, signaling that I can begin my address. She casts a spell, giving me a few cue cards, too! Starlight doesn’t let me dismount her, and I could see why. The atmosphere looks like a volcano is about to erupt!
I clear my voice, and Starlight smiles at me. “You can do this, my adorable rider.” She says, affirming me.
“Uh? Hello everypony?” I say, only to be met with the chant of “Go home, monkey!” by a few annoying pony racists. Thankfully, Trixie uses a spell to augment her voice and says: “Trixie is friends with the human. Be nice to him! Friendship isn’t just between ponies, but between any sentient creature who wants it. Stop being so foalish!”
Starlight sighs but nudges me with her wing. “You have a supporter, stud. Good for you, kid!” She says dryly, urging me to continue my speech. At least Trixie’s defense silenced the haters! That’s good, right?
“Sorry about that, guys. Anyways, I am not that good at speeches, so I am going to keep mine short and sweet. My name is Noah. I am human, and I have the honor of being Starlight’s rider, and student. Now, the thought on your mind is: “What the hell is a Rider of Justice?”
The audience nods, eager to learn what the aforementioned title is, and what duties it holds. Might as well try to explain it to them? I honestly don’t know for myself!
“Well, a “rider” is a human who mounts an equine and steers them where he wants to go. Obviously, I don’t steer Starlight. She’s just as smart, if not smarter than me. She just lets me ride on her back because humans are slow, and she wants to make things easier for me. In an ideal world, the bond between steed and rider is one of mutual trust and understanding. Most humans don’t have that with their “equines”, but I’d go far enough to state that I have that with Starlight.”
Hope I am not ranting or anything! So far, so good, right?
“We both trust each other, care for each other’s well-being. She trusts me to the point that she fused souls with me to teach me magic! Apparently, human DNA can channel magic, but only if a unicorn wants the human to learn it!”
To prove my point, I use my basic telekinesis spell to levitate my cue cards in the air for a moment, before placing them back into my hands. The unicorns in the audience were impressed, to say the least!
“Magic is one of the many things I have learned during my stay here, but the most important thing I learned was how to exhibit empathy. A few nights ago, I was invited to attend Trixie’s magic show in Ponyville, and she botched a spell. She seriously hurt herself. While someponies say Trixie is a braggart and an exaggerator, I think she’s rather charming! She was nice to me when I first came here and gave me a helping hoof!”
I hear one pony in the audience start to sniffle. I take it that’s Trixie?
“She hurt herself doing what she loved: trying to make ponies happy. I felt bad for her, so I rushed through the crowd to check in on her. I had never felt that way towards someone before, even when some of my closest relatives passed away. I could have only done that with the help of the pony I am riding on.”
The audience is stunned. I don’t know what else to say, but Bon Bon shouts from the rafters “He was nice to me, too! We went out for lunch for one of his Friendship Lessons, and he didn’t care that I was dating a mare!”
Woah, that came out of leftfield. I hear the same heckling ponies say the word “fillyfooler” over and over, before Bon Bon breaks out into tears, galloping away from Canterlot. As much as I felt bad for her, she also brought it upon herself by “outing herself” like that. Read the room, much? Still, poor Bon Bon!
Starlight puts a hoof on my shoulder and interrupts me.
“Whoever made such a ponyphobic comment is hereby ordered to come and reveal themself!”
Now that Starlight is a Princess, she can actually enforce things! The royal guards comb through the audience, looking for the usual suspects. Snow Piercer, the Earth Pony captain of Celestia's guard, drags an Earth Pony Stallion to the front of the podium, where Starlight and I were standing.
“State your name, jerk!” Starlight says, horn alit with magic, in the event things go downhill. I sure hope they don’t!
“Clout Chaser, Ma’am.” The colt says, sheepishly.
Clout Chaser? I almost wanted to burst into laughter at the mere mention of such a silly name. I guess all ponies’ names reflect their talents?
“Clout Chaser! By royal edict, I hereby demand that you find Bon Bon and give her an apology! If you don’t, you will be charged with inciting Discord of the second degree, which is punishable with 2 years in Tartarus, if proven in court!” Starlight says. Clout Chaser isn’t in the mood to be incarcerated, so he gallops off to find Bon Bon to apologize.
“Sorry about that, everypony. While it might be taboo, nopony should insult another pony in public!” Starlight says sternly to the crowd, before letting me continue.
“Right. I just wanted to tell everypony about how Starlight was nice to me and loved me for who I am. I plan on helping out at this School of Friendship, and I can’t wait to make more friends!”
Starlight is getting the feeling that something bad is about to happen because she spreads her wings! Could it be Ultra Alicorn Instinct?
“GO HOME, MONKEY!”
A unicorn zaps a massive bolt of lightning at me, point-blank.
“Grab the reins and let’s go!” Starlight says, as the Royal Guard immediately pins down the equine assailant. I am honestly a bit scared!
I grab the reins and urge my mare to take off, quickly and promptly. “I’m so sorry about this, Glimmy. Giddy up, and let’s get out of here!” I say, flicking the bridle. Twilight takes off before we do, leading the way to Celestia’s castle. Starlight gallops off the stage, launching herself into the air. I think Starlight is trying not to cry. I stroke her mane while we ride, trying to calm my mare down.
I guess Equestria is a lot like Earth after all. People and ponies both hate for no reason.
“No…nopony will ever lay a hoof on my rider!” Starlight screams at the top of her lungs, as Twilight sighs.
“Ponies never learn, they never learn,” Twilight says, as we fly towards Celestia’s castle.
Some coronation, this was!