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// I Might do Little Extras at the End of Chapters 
// Story: I Blame You 
// by Whitestrake 
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	I had no way of knowing how quickly the Elements of Harmony would figure out that Cadence was an imposter, or even if they ever would. Of course, there was the easy way, if you catch my drift, but we would never find the real Cadence if we offed the faker. I was off to Shining Armor's private suite, Twilight was likely to be there as well, maybe I could kill two birds with one stone on this. Granted, the changeling who had taken the alicorn's form might be somewhere nearby, which could be very dangerous if he/she/it? got her claws/hooves/tentacles? on me. Good thing I retrieved the revolver from my room before heading out.

Walking across the large complex that was Canterlot Castle proved to be fairly easy, the shoes Rarity had made me some weeks ago were holding up to repeated stress like a professional had made them. When I neared my newest bro's temporary dwelling, I slowed to a stop. Waiting outside until Luna took over the observatory, really it was just a telescope used by the princesses so they could feel like they were doing something, I would have backup that knew the full situation. Soon, my future partner would make her presence known, and then I could add to my conspiracy against the changelings.

Damn, I need a hobby.

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Jay was having one of those days. With the threat of what was essentially an entire species of emotion vampires that had the ability to disguise themselves as anyone else, things weren't exactly looking up. That be said, he was dutifully performing his assigned task, even if he absolutely despised grunt work. Taylor was just sending him away as a distraction, something to take the heat off him while he worked the sorcery known as sabotage.

“JAY!” No. nonononononononono- “I haven't seen you in days! which is weird, because I know where everypony is, most of the time, except for when I lose them, like this one time, I didn't know where Berry Punch was for two whole weeks!” Yep, that was Pinkie Pie, here to destroy dimensional barriers and party, and she was out of walls to break. The number one party pony of Ponyville seemed to notice the red tinge on the flautist's face. “Is something wrong? You look like a tomato. Are you sick? Too hot? Too cold?”

For Jay, putting up with the hyperactive pony was worse than any punishment legally permitted by the Geneva Convention.

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Princess Luna had dealt with many conspiracies and dark plots in her long life, she'd also been the unfortunate head of one such plan. However, alicorn had never used cloak and dagger for the forces of good, that is, until now. The larger human seemed to have a mind for stealth, and had given specific instructions for her to follow. What the dark blue mare couldn't figure out was why Taylor wanted Celestia to take a dive if things came to combat with the leader of the changelings. Nevertheless, the royal pony marched through the halls of Castle Canterlot, intent on finding her older sister, whether Celestia believed the news Luna would deliver was another story entirely. Speak of the Smooze, there she was on the observatory!

With a beat of her powerful wings, the younger princess flew to the impromptu watchtower.

“As much as I enjoy seeing you, it isn't time to switch out, yet.” The tired, alabaster alicorn known as Princess Celestia looked exhausted by her constant necessity. The eldest royal visibly perked when her sister smiled in a way she hadn't seen in months.

“Taylor has a plan for us to defeat the possible changeling threat.” Luna wasn't using royal plural, she meant we to mean all of us in Canterlot.

“So he also determined who made the threat about the wedding ceremony?” The white mare wasn't even certain what would happen, but the human seemed to pick up on things rather quickly.

“Actually, it was Jay that made the initial discovery.” Celestia blinked several times, despite her knowledge of the flautist’s sneakiness, she hadn't been fully expecting him to identify threats to Equestrian life. Then again, she also hadn't anticipated her younger sister to be wearing a Nazi hat and associating her self with humans. Stranger things had certainly happened, she supposed.

“So, what does our fearless security chief think we should do?”

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“Why are you hiding in the bushes?” Twilight had just emerged from Shining Armor's private suite, looking very shocked and scared. Regardless, I had to shake her a few times to be sure she was the real deal. She didn't like that, not one bit. “Stop that!”

“Sorry, safety procedure.” That being said, I scooped the tiny equine into my arms and ran like hell, my hand was clamped over her mouth, and would prevent any guards form hearing her muffled screams. It's probably a good thing that I'm a good guy, if I can ponyknap without any difficulty. I would be able to take the lavender pony a fair distance, she barely weighed more than a buck twenty, which was nothing thanks to my increased physical activity.

“You're completely insane.” Twilight had wrenched her mouth from my grasp, but thankfully didn't make any alerting noises.

“Don't you know it.” A statement, not a question, she knew my stance on sanity. Much like sleep, sanity is for the weak, and only the weak wish to remain sane. After I had carried her into the underbelly of Castle Canterlot, which was the sewers for any of you that doesn't get espionage terminology, medieval espionage terminology, I mean. “You are aware that Cadence isn't who she seems to be, aren't you?”

“You disappear for two days and show up by ponyknapping me and claiming my foalsitter is an imposter?” Twilight gave me a once over, before smiling and nodding her joy. “You're lucky I think the same.”

“So, you ready to together on this?” Much to my surprise, the lavender pony shook her head, and I think I knew what was wrong. In truth, I was way off the mark.

“She's got my friends fooled, we need them if we want to stop her.” I keep forgetting that this world seems to follow Disney Logic, in that all members of the Good Guy Squad are need to defeat Generic Villain #1. Sadly, we didn't have that kind of time.

“Even if we did bring the other Elements around, stopping the fake Cadence would leave the real one stranded, and we might never find her.” My reasoning gave her pause, which was more than enough for me to take advantage of the situation, and bring her over to my plans. “You need to confront her at the rehearsal tomorrow, I’ll back you on it. Celestia and the others will respond negatively to our accusations, but the phony Cadence might use this as a chance to get us alone.”

“How does being alone help us? Couldn't she just kill us and get replacements to fool everypony?” Now, dear reader, this is where my ability to bullshit comes in handy.

“She knows that you are an Element Bearer, and the other would be alerted to your death instantaneously, and she'd be found out.” A look of worry drew over her features as the implications sank in, and for once, I think I had her full attention.

“How do we get around that, and stay alive, if she gets us alone?”

“Simple, my little pony, we are going to get ourselves captured.”

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-INTERLUDE- Spike Learns a New Word
Week Two in Equestria, actual date unknown.

I was eating breakfast, still adapting to the lack of meat available to me, but managing just fine. By that, I mean Jay and I had a plan to trap a deer that wandered too close to the portion of the Everfree we used for all of our unsuccessful hunting trips. Yes, deer have citizenship in Equestria, and yes, it is technically murder, but I’m hungry, dammit! With all of my usual hatred for the challenges a habitually carnivorous omnivore faced in a land of herbivores, things seemed pretty normal. Until I was approached by everyone's favorite dragon, and I don't mean Crackle. However, that would have been like that time Jay met Derpy, and therefore awesome on degrees my keyboard cannot express.

“Dude, I've been meaning to ask you something.” It didn't sound like a moral question, so Spike was well within his right to ask, as specified in Codex Brostartes.

“Talk is free, little man.” Actually, Spike came up to my mid-thigh, which meant he could be dangerous if he turned violent. Those jaws could crush gemstones, I ain't fucking with their owner.

“What does fuck mean?” Someone kill me, please, I beg you. I had no doubt where he had heard the word, but that didn't mean I was ready to be asked its meaning by draconian neonate. I needed to think of an excuse, some reason for me to leave. There was no such luck to be had, and I was only able to think of an alternate meaning.

“It's a grownup word for candy.” Fuck. That is going to bite me in the ass, I just know it. As if to spit in my face, the reptile proved my fear.

“Sweet, Rarity's gonna think it's cool that I can talk like an adult!”

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-INTERLUDE- Lyra's Big Surprise
Week One in Equestria, actual date forgotten because of my horrible short-term memory.

“Come on, it's not much farther.” Lyra was clad only in my hoodie, and still human from the day's transformation spell. It would wear off tomorrow night, a miscalculation on Twilight's end, but it did mean that I was spending the night at Lyra's house.

“I've been there before.” I was slightly irritated, because while I enjoy teaching those who wish to learn, I hate incompetence with a fiery passion. Teaching the human-loving mare to walk upright was the definition of that most hated of traits. However, she was a hot, naked chick, so human biology forced my teenaged ass to get the fuck over it. Lyra fetched the key from under the mat, and in a flash, we were inside her shared home. Just as soon as we were inside the comfortably-warm domicile, a familiar, dark blue garment covered my face.

“I was starting to get hot in that thing.” The human-loving pony had taken off my jacket, but hey, her house and her rules, I’m not gonna bitch about anything. I also enjoyed the view, but what can you do about it?

“Lyra?” Shit, a voice upstairs, seems my friend’s roommate came home early, or late, it was after sundown.

“Bon-Bon's home, I can’t wait to show her this!” Stairs might have been too difficult for her clumsy self to handle, so I was drafted to help the naked woman to her marefriend. Yes, Lyra and Bon-Bon are together, just one of the many fandom bits that applied in this universe. As soon as we stepped into the master bedroom, the two of us were assaulted by a feathery pillow.

“Who are you ponies?” Technically, only Lyra was a pony, but we were both identifiable as humans at the time, so Bon-Bon was incorrect. She also threw a vase at me. Did I mention that the earth pony has nightmares about home-invasion? Curiously enough, she also had a fetish for that sort of thing, from what I'd been told, though I have no idea how that came up.

“It's me, Bons!” Oh sure, she stops for the naked chick, but not for the upstanding guys in the green long-sleeve, she hit me with a fucking alarm clock. And another pillow, after the human-lover had started to explain herself.

“Lyra?” Bon-Bon looked stunned, to say the least, before she glared daggers at me and tossed a book my way. Apparently, she was under the impression that I was using evil magic to keep her lover in human form. “Change her back!” Just as I was readying my response, said human-loving pony-turned-ape came to my defense. With a phrase I had no idea would be involved in the night's shenanigans.

“Happy birthday!” I looked at the green-haired woman, slightly stunned at her words, before I came to a realization.

“You went through all of this trouble, just to surprise your girlfriend with kinky, inter-species, lesbian sex without involving a third party in the actual fucking?” A better question was why the hell was I still in that house? This wasn't really the sort of thing strangers should be observing. Unless, of course, I was going to be involved, in which case I'm game.

“Pretty much, yeah.” I put my arm over the naked woman's shoulder, a smile was across my face and I felt on top of the world.

“I am so goddamn proud of you.”