//------------------------------// // Chapter 1: Irresistible Force versus Immovable Object // Story: Trixie Lulamoon: Best Waifu Ever! // by Betty_Starlight //------------------------------// I wake up on my pony bed… This is a twin bed with colorful purple and pink blankets and sheets featuring various little horses and I recall hugging my huge Pinkie Pie plushie when I went to sleep, except now I was on my back and not really snuggling anything… I also couldn’t help but notice the thick weight on my chest and so I open my eyes to see a pair of large violet eyes staring back at me, from underneath a pointy purple magician’s hat of sorts, decorated with stars of various colors and sizes… These eyes and hat belonged to the blue pony, who smiles at me from underneath the top assembly as she says in a feminine voice, “Oh goody! You’re awake! My name is Trixie Lulamoon and I’m your waifu now!” I widen my own hazel eyes and brush my long auburn hair away from my face with my pale-skinned right hand, as I look at this strange pony and say timidly, “Uh, I don’t have a waifu?” She looks visibly more excited as her body happily jitters and she exclaims slightly louder, “Well, you do now! You have the best waifu around! Me, Trixie!” My eyes normalize, “But, I don’t want a waifu?” She giggles as she looks at me coyly with her purple eyes, “Well, nopony asked you, now did they?” “How did you get in my room?” She grins and giggles nervously, “Who’s to say? I mean, you got a door! You got windows! There’s a big, grated vent on the ceiling! There’s lots of ways Trixie could enter your room!” I narrow my eyes, “You sound like you’ve thought this through?” She stares down into my eyes, “Of course Trixie would try to figure out how to get in here! You’re here!” I widen my eyes all the way, “M-me?” She smiles down at me, “Yes! You Betty!” <*****> I set her down on the front porch and look down at her from the other side of the door. She turns around and stares up at me with wide-open violet eyes as they quiver, almost in tears and her wavering mouth can only stutter, “B-but! Trixie was gonna be your waifu?” I quickly slam the door and slowly walk back to my room muttering under my breath about a stupid pony and an annoying blue nuisance and I reach my room and open my white door to see a familiar blue pony sitting on her haunches in my computer chair at my desk on the near wall on the right, across from the door. She looks at me, smiles, and says, “Do you really think you can keep me out of here?” I raise my left eyebrow, “Uh, how did you get back in?” She giggles while grinning at me mischievously from underneath her violet magician’s hat, “Wouldn’t you like to know!” I narrow my eyes at the blue pony and give a resigned sigh, “Well, okay fine! You can stay… For now…” I clear my throat and add, “I’m gonna go get some coffee from the kitchen… Uh, do you get high?” <*****> “Ugh!” I grunted as I licked the side of the brown blunt wrap and closed it yet again to try and bake it with my lighter and hopefully form a proper seal this time. Trixie sits on my floor with her magician’s hat off on her right along with her cape folded neatly underneath, smiling at me before saying, “Want me to give it a try, baby?” Baby? I think to myself before looking at the unicorn and saying, “Uh, if you think you can do better?” “Au contraire! Watch in awe!” Trixie exclaims before looking up at the wrap in my hands and narrowing her eyes. The half-folded blunt wrap filled with weed and the cardboard filter tip on the right side soon glows pale blue and levitates up out of my hands! “Whoa!” I say as I throw my hands down to the chair seat and the wrap floats over towards Trixie… Trixie, who promptly licks it with her long pony tongue and furrows her brows as she magically rolls it around in a blue glow to make the wrap close tightly. She looks towards me and forces the red disposable lighter on my table to my right to float towards her while encased in a similar faint azure light. She causes the lighter to ignite underneath the freshly wrapped blunt and makes it go up and down the structure to heat up and seal the moist portions as a small amount of steam visibly rises out of the blunt while little blue magical rings are formed around the blunt to hold it sealed while baking.* I stare onward at this peculiar pony as the tipped end of the blunt floats into her mouth and the lighter flies to ignite the other end, “Where did you learn to roll like that?” Trixie exhales smoke from the left side of her mouth before half-smiling and saying, “You learn a lot of things on the road!” before pursing her lips around the stoge for another draw. I narrow my eyes to the unicorn, “Tell me again why you’re here?” The blunt soon floats from Trixie’s lips to me as she exhales smoke out the right side of her mouth. She smiles and says, “Because Trixie decided that you need a waifu and Trixie should be it!” I carefully grab the blunt in mid-air with my left hand before bringing it towards my mouth, and frowning down at the pony and saying, “Wait! I decided? Need a waifu? Why do you think that I need a waifu? And why are you watching me?” before pondering momentarily and deciding to bring the blunt to my lips for a drag.** Trixie smiles sharply and says, “Because you’ve been on your own for a very long time now, Betty… Because while you actually do need companionship, you’re also no doubt aware that because of the way you are coupled with the way your mind Is reforming right now, a relationship with well, anypony wouldn’t exactly be advised…” she raises her gaze to me, “And that’s why you need Trixie!” I exhale smoke slowly before looking to my little ashtray on the right and switching hands to snuff the blunt out straight down inside and look at Trixie as I exclaim, “Like hell I do, Trixie! I don’t need companionship and I definitely don’t need a waifu! Get the fuck out!” Trixie continues to smile as she gets up and begins trotting towards the door. She takes a few paces, before turning her body left to face me. I frown, “Uh, what are you doing, Trixie?” She smiles as her purple eyes gaze at me determinedly and she scrapes the ground with her right forehoof while lowering her head… She suddenly takes off at a full gallop towards my computer chair on it’s wheels! She quickly launches herself onto my chest and begins kissing me with her horse snout, while the chair is knocked into the back wall where it makes a resounding clack! My eyes widen as I stare into the half-closed violet eyes of this little blue horse, and I soon feel her long slimy pony tongue entering my mouth. She disengages her kiss and brings her head back a few inches to smile at me, “Do you believe me, now?” I looked down at the bold pony wide-eyed with my mouth agape, “What the hell is wrong with you?” She smiles and giggles, “I love you!” I grimace and quickly reply, “Idiot!” “Steel head!” She says before giggling and leaning to my face to nuzzle my nose with her pony snout. I widen my eyes at the blue, white-maned pony, currently snuggling my chest and face from my lap. I can’t help but notice that she’s not nearly as heavy as you’d think as I look down at her and say, “Wait! How do you know I’m stubborn?” Trixie giggles and nuzzles more as she smiles happily upward at me, “Anypony who’s known you longer than 15 minutes knows this, Betty!” I finally look past the blue pony towards the door behind her, give a resigned sigh and finally say, “Alright, Trixie! You win! You can be my waifu or pretend companion or, whatever…” I give a second sigh before widening my eyes and saying, “I’ll write a bit in my stories before heading out for lunch later…” I look down at her, “But since my coffee is cool now, I’m popping my hormones before finishing up this blunt!” I nod, “It’s better to be ready!” I narrow my eyes at the blue pony, “You wanna finish it with me?” <*****> I remember that I packed the blunt tightly with my good herb as I stare off blankly back towards my door and the weed I just smoked begins to work it’s way through my blood to my brain. The remains of the blunt now sit smoldering in the ashtray, although I decided the roach is smokable later and mentally make a note to save it as I stare onward at this tenacious magician horse. The little blue pony to the right of the door looks at me and asks, “So uh, do you believe me now?” I look down at Trixie, “But why?” “I uh,” Trixie shakes her head and adjusts her eyes to me, “Didn’t I say you’ve been alone for far too long?” She glances off to the right side wistfully, “Thought I covered that already?” I widen my eyes, “What does THAT have to do with ANYTHING?” She frowns and looks at me, “You need companionship, Betty!” “Why?” I exclaim loudly, “I’ve done great, so far?” She widens her eyes, “Really? Because what I saw was a nihilistic misanthropic wreck of a trans-woman who hated life and the world!” I scowl at the blue pony, “How were you watching me, anyway?” Trixie smiles, “Now, a good magician never reveals her secrets!” I glower at this obstinate blue pony and give another reserved sigh. “Well, how you were watching me is beside the point!” I narrow my eyes to her, “Why you, though?” “Huh?” The blue pony asks with wide purple eyes. I shake my head as the herb begins to take a greater foothold in my mind, “Why you, Trixie Lulamoon? I mean, okay, let's just say that hypothetically and for the sake of argument that I do need a waifu or make-believe wife or whatever, right? Why YOU?” Trixie raises her gaze and smiles, “Because I’m great and powerful and I’m arrogant enough to put up with you and I’ll do most of the things you like to do!” “Yeah, but aren’t you already with Starlight Glimmer?” Trixie smiles wider, “Well, maybe in Equestria, but we’re not in Equestria now, aren’t we?” I frown, “I don’t think she’ll like you being with me?” Trixie finally breaks her stare and smiles while giggling, “Open relationship Betty! We already talked about you!” My eyes widen and mouth narrows, “Talked about me? What did you say?” Trixie rolls her eyes, “Oh, just that there’s a cute trans-woman who needs a waifu and that I’m perfect for her!” “C-cute?” My eyes normalize, “You’re insane!” She chuckles more, “And you’re stubborn! Besides, me being crazy is all the more reason I should be your waifu!” before nodding. I narrow my eyes again, “Tell me again why I don’t just throw you out?” She lowers her gaze and sighs, “Because you know Trixie will be back within two minutes!” I widen my eyes, “Okay um, you got me there!” Trixie looks up at me and smiles proudly, “Of course!” I eye this azure horse carefully as she sits on her haunches on my floor and stares up at me while grinning broadly. “I don’t get a choice, do I?” Trixie lets out an exasperated sigh, “NOW she gets it!” I lower my view at the pony before finally saying, “Alright! I’m stoned and I’m sure you’re feeling it as well Trixie… Ready for a little test?” Trixie raises her eyebrows, “Oh? Do go on, my new waifu-haver!” I start and shake my head before quickly deciding better of it, “Now, since you know me so well, you’re undoubtedly aware that I love stoned snuggles, yes? Do you see where I’m going here?” Trixie normalizes her eyes again and triumphantly declares, “Very well, human! You can get into bed and hold me! Once you see how much comfort I can give you, you’ll just accept me as yours and we can get on with it!” I raise my left eyebrow, “You seem pretty confident?” She leans forward slightly with wide purple eyes, “Because you NEED me!” I widen my own eyes, “NO I DON’T!” She smiles wider, “I was actually hoping it might come to this…” she mimics her best friend as she lowers her gaze adamantly, “IT IS ON!” I start, “Oh, bring it on, Little Miss Raggedy Magician Horse! I can cuddle you all day without breaking a sweat!” She tilts her head to the left, “So, why don’t you get into bed, I’ll scoot in front of you, you can hold me, and we’ll just see how you feel then…” I gaze at this insane pony when it suddenly occurs to my cannabis-infused mind that I had just opened Pandora’s Box… I can only then, calmly get up from my chair, turn right, walk a few feet back to my bed, past my table on the right, and get in, underneath the covers. I scoot my big Pinkie Pie further from me, towards the edge so Trixie will have enough room to slide in. She calmly sighs as she trots to my bed, just a few feet to her left and slides onto it with her hooves, before raising her body all the way to stand all of two-feet tall on top of the blanket and trotting towards me on the bed to get underneath as I move my hands away. She then lays with her head on the pillow, on her left side, with her back to me as she says, “Alright now, human! Hold me!” I cautiously wrap my arms around her and hold her soft warm fuzzy body. She sighs, “Closer than that, dork! I wanna feel your body heat just like I’m sure you wanna feel mine!” “I do?” I timidly say as I nervously bring my arms and the blue pony closer towards me and suddenly feel the warmth of her soft pony body against my big Rainbow Dash night shirt. She giggles and replies, “Well, it’s a start! Now, just a little bit closer, human!” I bring her cozy body close to my chest and suddenly blurt out the word, “Bestiality!” as I smile and giggle softly to myself… * “Shush!” The blue magician hushes me… I then whisper softly as I feel her body against mine, “Bestiality…” “Knock it off already, and snuggle me, jerk!” I hold this obstinate little blue magical pony closely to my body… I feel her warmth against me and it occurs to me suddenly that I haven’t had that, outside of my cat, in a very long time… She gives me comfort and warmth and makes me feel loved and I can’t help but wonder if that was my real problem with the world all along? I think maybe I just don’t feel loved. I do not have the answer at this time… (To be continued…)