//------------------------------// // Chapter 20: Revelation // Story: Shadow of a Doubt // by MayhemMoth //------------------------------// It was snowing.  Though harvest season wasn’t quite over, a few heavy clouds had escaped the Pegasi’s watchful eyes and wandered into Ponyville. Mixed among the lazier ones, they’d stayed unnoticed until the sun had set, releasing a gentle flurry that would likely melt by morning. Though hazardous to the remaining crops, it left a temporary beauty to admire. Sombra seemed to appreciate it, at least.  Starlight had found him on the balcony, staring into the sky with a focused tranquility and his music box in a hoof against his chest. It was the first time in days that he’d left his room for more than a few moments, and she’d thought to join him, but a frigid gust of wind changed her mind. She set a thick blanket by the doorway for him after that, catching a glimpse of him sticking his tongue out to catch a snowflake. “Good to see somepony’s enjoying this weather,” She said with a giggle, making him jump. He held his music box closer as he did, briefly glancing at her in annoyance before fully registering who she was. “I’ve always been partial to Winter,” He responded, staring back into the sky, “You’d think being trapped in a glacier would make me hate the cold, but it’s comforting. It reminds me of the Crystal Empire.” From what little she saw of his face, Starlight saw his muzzle wrinkle, but she wasn’t sure why. Her first thought was anger, but his tone didn’t indicate such an emotion. It must’ve been something else. “Do you miss the Crystal Empire sometimes?” She asked. For a moment, he was silent. Then, just as Starlight was turning to leave, a quiet but firm “No.” Starlight said nothing more, she knew the conversation was over.  Making way to her room, she nervously watched for either him, Twilight, or Spike. The latter two probably wouldn’t be too disappointed in what she was about to do, but she didn’t even want to imagine how Sombra would feel. Shutting herself within once she made it to her room, she reached under her bed and pulled out what she had come for.  Sombra’s journal. A relic of the past that looked as if it couldn’t have been more than a few years old, especially with such an unusually bright cover. Perhaps Crystal Ponies had used more dye than the rest of Equestria? The archaic design of the clasps revealed its true age, however. Unlatching them, she felt a twinge of guilt. Not only was she betraying Sombra, but Sunburst as well. He was probably right that she should’ve talked to Sombra first, but she feared he’d become distant, so this felt like the only way. Jumping onto her bed, she opened the journal. She didn’t even need to start reading for the interior to catch her interest. Despite being over a millenia old, the pages within were in perfect condition. She knew it was because of the curse, but it still amazed her to see something so old and so pristine. There was still a fragility to the pages, so she was sure to read with care. Moon Cycle 1, Waxing Crescent Day 1 Princess Amore is encouraging me to write a journal again. I’m not entirely sure why, it made sense when I was a foal who needed to learn how to write, but it doesn’t really make any difference now. I can write just fine. Perhaps she wants me to try writing with my magic instead? There was a row of ineligible scribbles below that first paragraph. Starlight could not read any of it. Or I suppose I could write about my joust matches. I assume she gave this to me to vent my feelings. I lost today. Miserably. I would rather like to never pick up a lance again, I think.  Moon Cycle 1, Waxing Crescent Day 3 Practiced with Knightingale. Got into a fight with Whetstone. Entertained and frightened the rest of the group. Why am I doing this, again? At least Ms. Chestnut and Princess Amore seem happy. Better than getting into more physical fights, I suppose, and Princess Amore has been helping me with my magic. My outbursts have been getting worse, but is that really surprising? I’m being forced to bond with ponies I hate. Princess Amore tells me to fight it, but I can’t. Hope isn’t very happy, I think she wants me to come back home. I want to, but I’m not allowed to leave the castle without the princess, not until my magic calms down. I don’t think that’s going to happen. Moon Cycle 1, First Quarter ‘Write every day’, she says. Because practice is so talkworthy. The following entries were dated much further apart, mostly cataloging Sombra’s jousting matches, and a few about magic training. There were even a few sketches of armor on some pages, but none of it looked like what he wore during his time as king. It was much more elaborate, with tiny details scribbled onto the designs. Vines and butterflies seemed to be a recurring motif in the doodles. In fact, Starlight realized that there were butterfly doodles across various pages, some without a journal entry to accompany them. It was rather cute, really. Though, there hadn’t been much in Sombra’s journal that told her anything, other than his jousting hobby. He never did mention that, though from the looks of his writing, he hadn’t been very fond of it. Another entry caught her attention, one that wasn’t entirely about jousting. Finally. Moon Cycle 6, First Quarter The Crystal Faire is in less than a week. Princess Amore dismissed me from any activities that day, does she know? I’m sure Ms. Chestnut told her. I won’t be able to perform, I won’t be able to do anything. I don’t even want to be in the castle that day, I want to go back to the orphanage, with Hope. I don’t want to live in this castle anymore. It’s lonely here, Princess Amore tries to be friendly, but I don’t feel welcome. She’s stern, and though I can understand that, her rare praise feels strangely false. Her words feel empty. Her touch is cold.  I still don’t know why she specifically chose to take me under her tutelage. I know I’m volatile, Hope would do much better with her sort of magic, though it’s somewhat relieving that she isn’t here with me. I wouldn’t want her to deal with such coldness.  Moon Cycle 6, Waxing Gibbous Day 3 I can already feel it creeping upon me. It’s going to hurt. Moon Cycle 6, Waxing Gibbous Day 6 The faire is tomorrow. I could already feel the pain welling up inside me as I trained, but I ignored it as well as I could. I’m sure it made me more irritable, but Hope had decided to visit, and she helped cool my nerves. She said she’ll be staying the night in the castle as well, Princess Amore is allowing it. Does she know? Does she suspect something? It’s different this time. The pain is stronger, and I can hear something. Hope says it’s her fairy friends, but I have doubts. They’ve never talked to me before, I’ve never even been sure if they truly existed. Why would they be talking to me now? Are they the reason it hurts so much? The next entry wasn’t dated, but Starlight could easily assume what day it must’ve been. Do you know what destiny is? It’s cruel. It’s being found in a raging blizzard by the guards. It’s barely surviving those quiet few days where I was more dead than alive. It’s growing up, learning that you’re a monster, one that most wish had died during those fateful days.  I suppose you can say that dying would’ve been a worse fate, but what’s a quick & quiet ending compared to a lifetime of being hated? But sometimes, destiny is also kind.  Healing. Hope can heal. She always could, just not like this.  It hurt. It’s over. Thank you, Hope. You truly are more worthy of Princess Amore’s tutelage than I, though I really do wish you don’t tell her what you can do. You deserve much more than her cold touch. Moon Cycle 6, Full Moon Nopony seems to believe Hope about her healing magic, not even Princess Amore. I’m not entirely surprised, it’s such a wondrous gift, though it’s hard to prove its existence when nopony wants her around the injured. I personally think it’s for the better, such a gift could easily be taken advantage of. She asks me to convince them of the truth, but I don’t. She told me that she wants to prove that she’s worth something, and she is worth something, but she wants to be worth something to them.  Moon Cycle 6, Waning Gibbous Day 4 Princess Celestia and Princess Luna are set to visit tomorrow, staying overnight to watch a jousting tournament the next afternoon. I won’t be partaking, though Princess Amore has requested I still wear my armor and stay by her side for the day. I’m still not entirely sure what the visit pertains to, but I won’t bother her for an answer. It matters little to me. Though, I am beginning to wonder if she’s been training me to be her own personal guard. Quite the funny thought, really.  Moon Cycle 6, Waning Gibbous Day 5 It’s been a very eventful day. Everything started out well enough, the princesses arrived, and we got them settled in. I’m not entirely sure I behaved quite as Princess Amore would have liked, and I’m certain I’ll get an earful about it later, but what was I to do? It’s not every day you meet the Rulers of the Heavens face to face. Princess Celestia is rather unnerving, if I’m to be honest. She made little effort to speak to me, other than a kind greeting, which is all well and fair, she had duties to attend to, after all. But there was just something off about her. Would it be rude to say I don’t trust her? Her sister, Princess Luna, is a touch more… approachable, I suppose. Strangely intriguing, as well. She spoke even less, and something about her felt odd. It was as if I could feel some sort of sadness enveloping her. I asked her if I could watch her raise the moon. It seemed to make her perk up a bit. It was such a wondrous sight too, I can only imagine how lovely it might’ve been had the moon been full. Regardless, I couldn’t admire the sight for long, because it was right as the moon hit its peak that we saw them. Yetis. They’d somehow slipped past the guards around the Crystal Empire, and now they were stalking the streets. Luna bolted after them, while I went to fetch Princess Amore for help on her request. I do wonder if I should’ve gone with her, perhaps the two of us could’ve driven them off together. But I digress. What’s done is done. Nopony seems to have been injured, and the yetis have been run out of the city, though they still stalk its edges. Princess Luna is still keeping them at bay. A party will be going out to run them off tomorrow, it’s far too cold tonight, and quite late. Dangerous conditions all around. I ought to head to bed myself, seeing as I now have a jousting match tomorrow. She shouldn’t have saved me. That was probably the most vague entry yet, unclear and undated. Starlight read it over again, making sure she didn’t miss anything, before she flipped to the next one, met with more butterfly doodles. Except, these ones were different from the earlier ones. These ones were much rougher scribbles, and some of them were even splotched with ink that seemed to have been haphazardly dripped onto the pages. A single sentence was written in the mess. Leave me alone. Starlight couldn’t help but stare at it, concerned. She couldn’t dwell on this either, she couldn’t exactly ask Sombra about what any of this was about.  So she flipped the page, met with a single journal entry, free of doodles and undated. You’ve been reading my journal, haven’t you? She nearly slammed the book shut at that, but reminded herself that this journal was a thousand years old. Sombra would never have known she was reading it, he wouldn’t have even had a clue of the section of Equestria she’d been born in at that time, let alone her entire existence.  She flipped the page again, more focused than before. None of the entries were dated anymore. You can’t hide the truth from me, you know. The hints have been obvious. The others are being nice to me, is that your meddling? It has to be, you can’t even put the book back where you found it.  Was this why you wanted me to write the journal? So you could spy on me? Were the guards patrolling the halls not enough? What do you want from me? Haven’t you done enough? I won’t tell you anything, not until you tell me everything. She’s gone now. You took her. You knew this would happen, didn’t you? Did you talk him into that sabotage?  You’re the monster, not me. Don’t you know I’ll die without her? Is that what you want? What do you know about me? What do you know about them? What am I and why won’t you let me know? I know what you are. You really are a monster, but you knew that already, didn't you? You haven’t just been hiding things from me, you’ve been hiding things from your own ponies.  What exactly does that accomplish? Afraid that they’ll call you what you really are?  Sleep well, Princess. I’ll be sure to let the Crystal Ponies know exactly what you are. That was the final entry. Starlight flipped the pages to see nothing more, not even any more doodles. Just blank white pages, and a new confusion. Sombra’s journal had given her more questions than answers. More worry, as well. She wasn’t sure if any of that had answered any of her questions. “So, have you learned anything of note?” Starlight shot up with a gasp, slamming the journal shut and turning to the very last pony she’d hoped to see, “Sombra? I’m sorry, I just wanted to-” “I’m not upset with you.” “What?” He approached her without a word, setting his music box on the bedside table before slipping onto the bed itself. His body pressed against hers, pleasantly cool from the outdoors and sparkling with lingering snowflakes. He opened the journal and frowned. “I figured you had this,” He said, “I’d seen it in your friend’s bag. I was angry at first, that they’d gone into my things, but I see now that it doesn’t matter.” “What do you mean by that?” “I’m a part of history. Had things gone how they should have, and I died, this would’ve gotten out eventually. Everypony would know a part of my story.” Folding her front legs beneath herself, Starlight stared at the words within and said, “Maybe they would have even begun to understand why you did what you did.” “Doubtful,” He huffed, flipping a page, “But even sometimes the past is better left unsaid.” “And sometimes it’s worth talking about.” She took a breath, preparing herself before readjusting again and looking at Sombra, “I need to talk to you.” “Hm?” He tilted his head, wary but curious. “What do you know about me?” “You?” He sounded amused, “You’re the student of a princess, and one of the most powerful creatures I’ve ever met. You’re quite possibly one of the most perfect ponies out there.” Starlight noticed his eyes widened, taken aback by his own words. Perhaps he realized something right there, but Starlight was sure to shoot down his ideas before they got too much. “And not a single part of that is true.” “What?” “I’m not perfect. I’m the furthest thing from perfect,” She stated, slipping off the bed to pace, “I’m horrible, I hurt ponies. I took away their cutie marks and their talents and then Twilight came to stop me, but then I took away her cutie mark and hurt her, and then I learned a forbidden spell to get revenge and then I-mmph?” She was silenced with a hoof to the mouth, Sombra suddenly in front of her. She hadn’t noticed him getting off the bed. “You’re going to have to slow down if you want me to understand any of that,” He said, removing his hoof. “Oh,” She laughed nervously, “Sorry, I ramble when I get anxious.” “I think I can see that.” He motioned to the bed, “Sit. Unless you’d like to do this in another room, perhaps? I feel like this might be a bit of a long talk, and it’s a nice night for cocoa, so why don’t I make a small batch for us to talk over?” She hesitated, anxious to get everything out, but couldn’t help the small smile that made way to her face. It was always nice to see that he cared. “I think that’d be nice.” She’d chosen the library. It was much more spacious than that spare little bedroom, giving her much more room to pace if she started, as well as many more places to sit. Sure, their beds were comfortable, but something just felt more professional about speaking at a table.  Well, when she was the one helping creatures, anyway. This time it was going to be her confessing everything, to the pony who was least qualified to help with her problems. At least he seemed willing to listen. Sombra passed her a mug of cocoa without much thought, dumping a hoof full of marshmallows into his own. It hadn’t been something he’d added before, she remembered him saying the concept was disgusting, but had caught him conversing with Spike about it one evening. Apparently the little dragon had convinced him otherwise. “I thought you hated marshmallows,” She said, to which he threw one at her. It bounced harmlessly off her nose and onto the table. “And I thought you were scared of me, but that no longer seems to be the case,” He replied, tossing another marshmallow at her when she laughed, “Weren’t we here to talk? I want to know what you did to Princess Twilight.” “I thought you didn’t understand what I said?” “I heard ‘hurt’ and ‘Twilight’. It was enough to interest me.” “You’re horrible.” “Yes, we’ve already established that many times.” He sipped his cocoa, “Feel free to talk when ready.” Starlight wasn’t as quick to talk after that. Now that her panic at being caught reading his journal had faded, and Sombra’s anger non-existent, she didn’t feel quite as sure about this. She knew she’d gone too far to go back though, so that left her stuck. She had to talk. Taking a deep breath, hooves on her mug in the hopes the warmth would keep her grounded, she said, “I took away ponies’ cutie marks.” “Is that it?” Sombra took another sip of his cocoa, “I always did see those things as more of a blemish than a mark of destiny, so is it really a problem?” “Of course it’s a problem,” She said, annoyed. That comment probably would’ve bothered her more if she weren’t dealing with a markless pony, but as it was, she was sure Sombra was biased, “Acting out of spite because you were abandoned doesn’t give a pony the right to strip away another’s talents, don’t you think?” Still holding the mug in his hooves, Sombra brought it to his lips, but didn’t drink. He just stared into it for a moment, before asking, “I suppose you stole the marks of the princess and her friends?” “Yes, and believe it or not, that was just the beginning. You wanted to hear of my ‘illicit deeds’, didn’t you?” She asked. Sombra’s right ear twitched slightly, and he nodded, “Well, I hope you’re ready.” “Ready as I’ll ever be, Starlight.” She sighed, getting comfortable, “I made an entire village for the ponies I’d taken the cutie marks of, and led them the way I wanted. I called it Our Town, because that’s what it was. It was ours, it was mine. Everypony was the same, no talents to keep them apart. It was supposed to make us equal, I’d always thought that talents and destiny tore us apart.” “Does it not?” “No. Twilight and her friends showed me that. They came into Our Town one day, and they conversed with some of the villagers and found out where I kept everypony’s marks. It was the perfect opportunity to take theirs, so I did,” She admitted, trying to keep her eyes off Sombra as he stared at her, “They got them back, of course. Everypony did, after they found out I’d never gotten rid of my own mark, I just hid it. I needed it to use my magic, after all.” “So you manipulated them.” “Yeah, that’s pretty much exactly it.” “I never took you as the tyrant type, Starlight Glimmer.” She flinched, sipping her cocoa to calm herself before saying, “It gets worse. A lot worse.” Sombra’s head tilted curiously, “How so?” “I time traveled.” Sombra’s apparent lack of interest was immediately replaced with perked ears and widened eyes. Starlight was sure he’d have said something, but she started before he could. “I wanted Twilight to suffer,” She said, looking away from Sombra’s gaze, “There was a very special event tying her and her friends together, and I went back in time to destroy that moment. Twilight tried to stop me, but she failed. I won. Equestria suffered.” She expected another quip from Sombra, but a quick glance at him told her that he was all too focused on her story now. The time travel part always seemed to catch a pony’s attention, and she supposed it made even more sense to interest a pony who’d skipped a thousand years. “Changing the past changes the present, and I did it multiple times. Twilight told me about every alternate Equestria,” She said, “And, though I never told her, I saw some of those horrible things for myself. An Equestria shrouded in darkness, one torn apart by war, and more than few that were on the verge of falling completely. Every enemy from Equestria’s past seemed to have gotten the upperhoof at some point or another.” “Every enemy?” That got Sombra’s attention, “Was I among them?” Starlight nodded. “Was I winning?” “I’m not even going to give you an answer to that.” “That’s not a ‘no’.” “Sombra.” “Right, wrong time. Sorry.” He gently shook the mug in his hooves, stirring its contents, “Please continue.” “There’s not much else to say, really,” Starlight said, fidgeting a bit with her mane. She saw Sombra glance at her hooves at this, so she stopped, “Twilight pulled me out of it, eventually. She pulled me into one of the time portals so we wound up in the same place, and saw a wasteland worse than any of the others. I guess I gave in about then, and Twilight decided to make me her student.” This was leaving out a few crucial details, but she wasn’t sure if she wanted to talk about that quite yet. This was already a lot, and she was sure Sombra was still contemplating the time travel part. “Why’d you do it?” “What?” She’d been wrong to think that, apparently. “Why’d you do all of this? What made you take away others’ cutie marks? I very much doubt a pony like you just woke up one day and decided to eliminate them, there had to have been a reason.” “Oh, right, well...” She hesitated, the reason was always something she would rather not bring up, but she supposed it only made sense to do it here, “You remember Sunburst, right?” Sombra nodded. “We had a bit of a falling out when we were little,” She said, “He got his cutie mark, and his parents sent him off to Celestia’s school. I felt betrayed, because getting his cutie mark had him taken away from me, so when I got my own a year later, I was pretty angry about it.” Sombra said nothing. In fact, he’d looked away.  “We never saw each other after all that, we only got back together because of Twilight,” She continued, but Sombra still avoided looking at her. Lowering her head, she sighed, “I know, it’s pretty pathetic, isn’t it?” “No.” He still wasn’t looking at her, putting his attention on anything else in the room. His hooves absentmindedly curling around his near empty mug, he slightly bared his teeth, “I can’t say it’s pathetic.” “But the way you’re acting-” “Doesn’t mean anything,” He interrupted, prompting Starlight to lift her head. He finally looked at her, his eyes that same harmless green they’d occasionally been before, “You did something stupid because of a friend, the princess likely does that all the time. There’s no harm in it, especially since you two got back together.” “I hurt ponies, how is there no harm in that?” “It’s impossible to grow without hurting others, isn’t it?” He downed the rest of his cocoa, looking out the nearest window. It was still snowing. “It’s either you hurt someone, or they hurt you. It depends on which path you choose, and what you’re given.” “Now you know that isn’t true.”  “It’s true for us.”  Sombra rose from his seat, still gazing out the window as Starlight watched him in silence.  “I didn’t just ask you to come in here to talk about what you did,” He said, watching the flakes fall slowly. He wished he was back on the balcony. “I knew my journals would be found, and yet I tried to hide that one. Unsurprisingly, as with most text, crucial details are absent.” “What are you saying?” “I’m saying that there are things I want to tell you, but I don’t know if I can.”  Though Starlight had previously hoped, more than anything, for Sombra to say something about his past, she didn’t want to push him. So, despite her own wishes, she said, “You don’t have to.” Strangely, Sombra didn’t seem to agree. “No. It’s only fair,” He said, finally approaching her. He lowered his head and demanded,  “Present me your horn,” Starlight stepped back, but not out of fear or uneasiness. Just confusion. “What?” “You told me about why you did what you did, and now I wish to do the same,” Sombra explained, horn glowing dully. His magic seemed different, somehow. Off-colored. Blue. “Except, I will not speak, but show.” “You… You want to show me?” Sombra said nothing, and made no movement. He seemed unsure, but didn’t relent. Starlight blinked, surprised. One of the most dangerous ponies in Equestria had presented his horn to her. A horn that caused years of pain and suffering, a horn so cruel and unwelcoming that even a simple glimpse of it would have ponies running the other direction.  A horn that, as she raised her own to connect with, she knew belonged to a pony she trusted.