//------------------------------// // 2. Dad Talk // Story: Pinkie Pie takes Earth // by Goldstar //------------------------------// Heather took a moment to figure out how to explain the situation, “Well, you see, I found, I mean Luna found her out in the yard earlier, seemingly passed out in the snow...” Pinkie then took over with fast words. “Hi Mr. Young, I’m Pinkie Pie, the most fun loving, party planning pony, well, now human, you’ll ever meet! I’m from Ponyville in Equestria, but it looks like that isn’t around here, in fact, I’m not even in the same world anymore. So before I ended up here, I decided to help one of my besties, Twilight Sparkle, with a teleportation machine. I sneezed at the last possible moment before the machine worked and I teleported all the way here, completely off course from Canterlot.” The father looked dumbfounded for a few seconds, realizing Pinkie didn’t pause for a breath. “Don’t you need to catch a breath? Mr. Young sounds so formal, just call me Logan. I must say, you have quite a wild story. Quite frankly, it sounds nearly impossible as well.” “Dad! While she hasn’t proven these claims to be true, she’s certainly not a normal human being. Why, when she was crying when I treated her as crazy, her hair deflated like a balloon, became straight, and her skin and hair lost some of its color. Then I apologized and they reverted. Maybe she’s a good illusionist. Funny. I mentioned earlier we don’t have magic like Equestria does, but people pretending to do magic on Earth.” “Heather, I need some along time with Pinkie.” “Alright, fine.” Heather replied. “Okey dokey lokey!” Pinkie then followed Logan upstairs, while still bouncing on all fours. Heather thought about that for a few seconds before going back to her Switch. Oh yeah, I left this on the whole time. Well, it’s going to be hard to just get back to this without thinking about Pinkie. How can she be a pony, but somehow turned into a human upon coming to Earth? How is this even possible? At least with dad, I’m hopefully not alone with this madness and that makes this whole thing somewhat more creditable. Upstairs, Pinkie and Logan set on his bed. “Normally I would be quite upset about Heather just letting anyone in, but you don’t seem intent on causing harm. My daughter is very much a shut in these days. Mostly spends her time in front of her computer and Switch. She refuses to even entertain the idea of meeting new people, yet alone making friends. She’s really depressed, and I don’t know what to do. I tried to get her to meet more people, but she pushes them away. I even got her a dog, Luna, but I mostly end up taking care of the dog myself and she seems really annoyed by Luna being here. Maybe you’re meant to be here, although coming out of what sounds like a little girl’s cartoon is quite out there, but there’s many mysteries and things we can’t explain on Earth and beyond. “I think you might be able to help break Heather out of her shell. She thinks being a loner for the rest of her life is best for her and that people can’t be anything but annoyances, but I know that isn’t true. If I could afford it, she would be in therapy.” “Sounds like a friendship problem Mr. Young, I mean, Logan. Consider me on it! If dragons, of all creatures, can get along with ponies, I’m sure humans can’t be that bad. I can whip up a party and I’m sure Heather will love it!” “It’s been close to a year since Heather last had a party. She flat out didn’t want to attend any family parties and didn’t even want her own birthday party last year.” “I can have a party up and running easily! I just need Sugarcube Corner... wait, that’s not here. I can probably get a party going with what you have here.” “Ever since she had a breakup with two childhood friends, I hardly seen her happy. I fear this is going to really cause problems going forward in her life. But I refuse to give up on her. She’s doing great with her grades, but she’s starting to have more conflicts with students. At this rate, I might have to pull her out of school entirely so she can get homeschooled and later on, her GED. “You know what? I really shouldn’t trouble you so much with my own family drama. I haven’t even really considered that you probably don’t even want to be here, especially if you got teleported away from your friends and family back home.” “Knowing my friends, nearly all of Ponyville and beyond back home, I’m sure they’ll find me.” “We don’t have magic or technology like teleporting anywhere on Earth. As for when that technology becomes possible, I’ll give it some decades. Also, I’m not exactly running a shelter service here. Ah yes, if you’re going to stay here for any length of time, well, you’re going to need a job. You’re an adult, right?” Pinkie nodded. “It’ll also pay your dues for being here because I can’t just magically get extra money to house a third person living here, even as much as I think you’ll be a positive influence in our lives. “And another thing. You can’t go bouncing around on all fours like this. Humans don’t move like that. We walk on our two legs. Hair dying, especially for women, seems to be a popular trend these days, so your hair looking like that shouldn’t draw much attention.” “Don’t worry Logan, I’m on the case! Heather will be smiling and praising friendships sooner than you think! Twilight, when she first came to Ponyville, was like ‘no Pinkie, friendships are dumb and lame’ and later that night after we dealt with Nightmare Moon, she opened up to friendship. Then we had a bunch of friendship lessons, saved Equestria at least a dozen times, and now she runs her own friendship school as the Princess of Friendship.” “Good thing I’m used to fast talking people to keep up. I suppose the universe is big enough that something would have come visit us by now and what you call magic is another form of science that us humans don’t understand. It’s dinner time soon. So, what do you eat, hay and grass?” “Yummy treats, cupcakes, cakes, candy, pies, rocks, carrot dogs, hay sandwiches, flowers...” “I get the idea. Wait, rocks? Never mind. Look, I’ll get some fast food soon. I’ll buy you a vegan salad. I don’t know if despite your new body, you’ll want to eat meat.” “Salad sounds fine, but later on, I’ll make all kinds of treats!” “We don’t have much in the way of stuff to make that, but, a shopping trip will take care of that. Oh, right. You’ll need some kind of ID to apply for jobs. This is awkward. We can’t very well say you came from a fantasy land and transformed from a magical talking pony into a human. People will think I gone mad. “I was going to prepare a TV dinner, but since I already mentioned what I’m doing, I’m going to get ready to go soon. I want you to come with me so I can help you get a bit of a layout of the city. Do you have cars back in Equestria? How would a pony even drive one without hands?” “We have carts pulled by ponies, but you only really see that in Manehattan. Trains used to be pulled by ponies. They must have been so strong, like multiple Big Macs put together. But now all the trains run on engines. We also have carts that can drive with some goofy engineering. I even saw an Applewood Derby where foals would team up with an adult to build a cart. What happened was...” “So, I guess you won’t be unfamiliar with cars. Sorry, you could probably go on for days about all the things you’ve seen and done in Equestria. Let’s just get ready to go. I’m already thinking about all the busy work. There’s a guest room, but no bed, so you’ll have to sleep on the couch. There’s two bathrooms so that should be fine. As for clothes, I hope you brought some because otherwise, there’s shopping to be done. And I’m guessing you didn’t bring any American dollars with you. You’re almost the same size as my daughter, but I rather not you two share clothes, I doubt she would want too anyway.” “Sounds like you need a checklist. Twilight is super at those. She makes checklists for her checklists for her checklists.” “Geez, talk about being crazy prepared. Anyway, head back downstairs to Heather. I’m switching out of this construction uniform.” Pinkie bounced on all fours downstairs. Heather noticed Pinkie come in. “Ugh, I hope dad teaches you how to walk. How do you even have the energy to bounce like that? Lemme guess, infinite stamina cheat?” “Lots of sugar, sweets, and laugher.” “Laugher? How does that even... I’ll be asking questions all day at this rate. Lemme guess, my dad put you up to teaching me the ‘virtues’ of friendship. Like I said, been there, done that, no.” “But you probably never had a friend like me!” “No I haven’t, but that’s not a good selling point.” “I won’t treat you like how you’ve been treated before.” “You know what? Fine, I’ll entertain this idea, but when I get tired of this, I’m back to being a loner. Totally random, but if there were like a worldwide pandemic and we had to keep away from each other, I would be so ready. My time to shine would come! I would... just keep staying away from people. Hopefully such a thing would mean no having to go to school either. I’m not saying this because I want people to get hurt or anything, but because... actually, I really don’t know. But surely that can’t happen in our lifetime, right? How crazy would that be? Oh yeah, I’m talking to a pony turned human. I’m not bringing you up at school and if I do, it won’t be anything about Equestria.” “You’re giving friendship a chance and that’s what counts. I once helped a donkey named Cranky get back together with his special friend, now wife. He was so annoyed with me before hoof, but in the end, it all worked out.” “I really hope you don’t plan on nagging me till that somehow makes me friends with you.” “I wouldn’t possibly do that to you silly Billy.” “You already are. I still don’t know what to make of this whole situation. This is the kind of thing that just simply really doesn’t happen on Earth. We can explain nearly everything with science and if we don’t know, we try to find out, or just claim it’s beyond our understanding.” At that moment, Logan came downstairs, dressed in more casual clothes, which included a sweeter and coat for the temperature outside. “Heather, I’m going out to get some something for dinner.” “Yes! No lame TV dinner today!” “And Pinkie is coming with me so I can show her what’s on the route. You know what? Let’s try practice walking Pinkie. First, stand on your two legs.” Pinkie managed to do so just fine. “I have stood up at times, I’m not completely new to this.” “Now, put one leg front... wait, clearly you know how to walk on four legs, I don’t have to explain this to you like you’re five. Use your arms to balance out if you have trouble walking.” Pinkie walked and had a few moments she nearly fell over, spinning and flailing her arms around in place. “Hey, careful! Don’t hit the TV!” Heather said. A few minutes later, Pinkie finally walked normally. “That’s great!” Logan praised. “I have a spare coat for you, it’ll be oversized since it was meant for me, but it’s cold out there and I doubt you have any warmer clothes. It’s time for us to go. See you later Heather.” “Sure thing, later dad, later Pinkie.” Pinkie ended up bouncing her way out of the room. Heather took a glance at this, but didn’t say anything more. “Finally, some peace, just me and you Luna. Why should I warm up to you anyway? It’s not like you even understand what I’m saying beyond your name, right? But at least I’m not talking to myself, so I can act like speaking to you is me talking to someone that’s a good listener. And yet, I can’t bring myself to be as annoyed with you as usual. Does Pinkie had some kind of positivity aura that’s rubbing off of me? I would say that sounds stupid, but, look at what we’re dealing with. If her pony friends accidentally teleported her here, maybe they can somehow reverse it and bring her back home. But then that would mean I could also visit this Equestria. “If Pinkie became a human upon coming here, surely I’ll become a pony upon entering Equestria. What type of pony would I be? An alicorn would be pretty sweet, but, like no way that’s happening, I guess I’m not important enough or whatever. Earth pony sounds the most boring by far, I don’t want to farm. The strength might be nice, but that’s hardly going to help me play video games. Do they even have those in Equestria? “Pegasus might be pretty cool, flying and all, but I’m scared of heights. And surely flight must come with a bunch of problems like crashing. Crash, Rainbow Crash, wow, that sounds funny. Wait, that would be something bullies would call Rainbow Dash. I doubt I’m so creative that no one over in Equestria came up with Rainbow Crash. I just hope pegasus ponies are really durable. Maybe it’ll be like a cartoon where things that should be lethal like bombs are just a minor inconvenience at worst. I should ask Pinkie. “Unicorn ponies would probably be my pick. Magic is where its at. People can be strong, people can farm, and people can even fly with technology. But magic? No human can do that. But then how hard would unicorn magic be? Would it be something that really hurts to use like a Green Lantern ring? Maybe it’ll take an insane amount of willpower that I know I don’t have. Wizards are so cool in games and anime. I could be like that anime girl, what’s her name, Megumin? Boom, explode magic! And that’s all I know about that. Maybe Equestria is too peaceful for need of such spells anyway. “But I’m getting ahead of myself. I doubt I would ever see this Equestria anyway. What if Pinkie is a government project... yeah, I’m not entertaining that. I don’t want to become a conspiracy theorist, no thank you Luna. But this does take the cake for strangest thing to happen in my life. “I wonder if Pinkie could come to school. Maybe she’s older and thus, has no need for school. Maybe the education system works differently in Equestria? Perhaps they learn practical life skills, not dumb stuff like what happened halfway across the world thousands of years ago or biology formulas. But among the three main species of ponies, surely, they couldn’t go to all the same classes or even same schools. You couldn’t teach an earth pony to fly. We’re not split up like that as humans. “Are you even listening Luna? Oh of course, in your own little doggy way. Anyway, my throat is starting to get sore.” Meanwhile, Logan was driving Pinkie to get fast food. They were in his red truck. “I spy something red,” Pinkie said. “What is it, a stop light?” “Nope, stop sign.” “I lost again. I want to focus more on explaining what’s around, while of course, paying attention to the road. So, to our right, is where you go clothes shopping. We’ll probably have to come here later. You know what? I’ll bring Heather along, she can probably help you with that. Get some bonding moments in.” “No problem, the Element of Laugher is on the case!” Pinkie saluted. “Okay Private Pinkie Pie.” Later back home, Heather, Logan, and Pinkie set down at the kitchen table to eat. Pinkie grabbed her bowl of salad and held it up to let it slide down into her mouth, ignoring the silverware entirely. The Youngs jaws dropped. “How did you do that? Humans can’t do that.” Heather stated. “We have table manners, involving using a spoon, fork, and knife.” Logan added. “Oh... so that’s what they were for. My way is way faster.” “This is going to be a long day.” Heather complained. “I need to get Pinkie Pie some clothes, so you’re coming with.” Logan ordered Heather. “Ugh, fine, I’ll just bring my Switch on the way. I’m glad you got the OLED model.” “I’ll help pay for Pinkie’s clothes, but then I want to help her get a job very soon so she can start earning to make up for the extra spending we’ll have to be doing.” The Youngs ate their dinner while Pinkie played with Luna. The dog could not keep up with Pinkie well, especially when Pinkie bounced around, although on two legs this time. After dinner, the three got ready to leave. “I really don’t like clothes shopping Pinkie, so let’s make this quick.” Heather bagged. “Well... it might take me awhile to see all the fashions. And then finding the correct size and making sure the price is right.” Pinkie said with a huge grin. “Right, you naked most of the time ponies wouldn’t know about this subject well aside from Rarity, I guess. And my day just drags on. I’ll help you try to make this quick.” Heather said annoyed, barely even able to focus on her Switch with Pinkie along for the ride.