by Reese

Wedding Remarks

"Thank you, all of you, for being here today, on this, the happiest day of my life. My dear Chrysanthemum Crown and I have now bound ourselves to each other in harmonious matrimony, and, really, it feels like a new day is dawning. Ever since Nightmare Moon and Discord... Well, Equestria... Equestria has been going through some hard times. And in this difficult period, where would I have been without all of you?

"After all, I'm just the silly little pink Princess of Love, tee hee, the young understudy to the thousand-year-reigning Princess of the Sun. And what use is love in government, right? Hah, yes, we can all laugh at that. But you, some of the highest nobility and wealthiest businessponies of Equestria, gathered here as my special guests, were here to step up and take over! You've made sure I didn't have to worry about the law, the economy, the welfare of my subjects, oh, any of that difficult stuff! Even if I wanted to!

"Yes, you've given me just as much respect as you thought I deserved, and accordingly done your best to sideline me at every turn! You've made me a pretty figurehead for your self-interested oligarchy, and profited greatly at the expense of my subjects. I see some of you are starting to frown, but don't worry! This is a happy day! And you know what? I'm not even upset. Oh, I used to be -- but without you, I wouldn't have met the love of my life, who does, after all, seem to be one of your number. And it just feels like, with my new life with her in front of me, I have more important things to think about than you. Or will soon, anyway. And I know, I know, even apart from any lingering resentment I might have, there've been concerns raised about Best Moon Inc. gaining an advantage over its competitors due to my marriage, but you'll be glad to know that my dear Chrissi did eventually convince me that it would be best for her to step away from her position as CEO to take up a position just as important as mine in the running of Equestria! Hah, yes, I don't blame those of you who just sighed in relief; she can be quite a terror when she wants to be, can't she?"

"Mmmmm... Ahem, sorry about that, but I'm sure you won't blame a new bride for being a bit distracted by her wife. Aaaanyway, we've a busy time ahead of us -- haha, wow, you are not subtle at hiding what you're imagining, back there! Eh, you might as well go ahead and enjoy the fantasy for now, much as the idea of being with you disgusts me. But hey, maybe, if you consolidated your power for a few more years, you could just force me into it? Could have happened! Haa... But yes, yes, we've decided on what might be called a working honeymoon. Some redecorating, reviewing the staff, that sort of thing, and we can get to the sex and whatnot after that's done.

"Ah, and one of you just discovered that the doors are locked! Tell me, are you just a prude, or did somepony finally pick up on my subtext? Ah, the latter, I see! You were right, Chrissi, this is fun! Ha! Ha ha hah! Oh my, the looks on your faces! Most of them. Some of you -- did you just literally scoff at me?"

"Wow. And then say that to my face? You're bold, I'll give you that! ...Eh. Actually, no! I won't! The rest of you are just cowards! See, that mare there, she's remembered that, as far as you believe, I'm harmless! What, the rest of you are scared of some mean words from the Princess-in-title-only? Pathetic! Or are you afraid I've just finally gone crazy, and I'm about to go at you with my bare hooves? Good news: I haven't! Hah. Noo, no, I know exactly what I'm doing. And I'm not going to hurt you at all. Come on, settle down... Just... venting..."

"That's better. Sorry about that slip."

"...Nope! I lied! Hah, false hope, delicious! See, bad news, well, you know how, when you came in, you were complaining that somepony had forgotten to stock the buffet? You were wrong. My beloved? Enjoy."

(Within only a few years of the wedding, the new diarchy had brought a golden age to both their formerly-separate peoples, and the most dangerous of the last misguided holdouts were serving society in the new cocoon-based prison system. The Two Queens are, however, still seeking information on an unknown purple pegacorn mare, likely a hostile foreign agent, spotted aiding the rebels...)