Heather was in bliss playing online races in Mario Kart 8 Deluxe. She was in first and seemingly no spiny shells in sight to ruin her day. “Yeah, check me out! 200cc and I didn’t even fall off course once!” She said to herself. All was going well, till Luna started barking. This much barking was beyond her normal amount. “Shut up Luna, I’m in the middle of an online race, can’t this wait?” The barking didn’t stop, “I wish dad was home to take care of this. You know what? Fine. But this better be pretty darn important! I was winning for once and I’m going to lose this race so badly.”
Heather followed Luna outside in the snow and saw a young woman faced down in the ground. What really caught Heather’s attention was how the young woman had pink hair. “Oh great, some other girl who thinks dying their hair makes them oh so interesting. What happened here anyway? Is she okay? You can stop barking now Luna, I get the message.” Heather walked over to poke the body with a stick and the young woman suddenly jumped up, really catching Heather by surprise. When the young woman spotted Heather, she screamed loudly, leading to Heather covering her ears. “Quiet down will ya?! I don’t want the whole neighborhood to hear.” The mysterious woman took several quick glances around, a few toward Heather, Luna, and many toward herself.
“This is so wild!” The stranger exclaimed, “This isn’t Ponyville or from the looks of it, Equestria. I look so different! Oh... right, humans, Twilight mentioned them. But, this doesn’t look like anywhere near Canterlot High.”
“What?” Was all Heather could let loose.
“I’m Pinkie Pie, what’s your name?”
“Err... Heather Young. Wait, Pinkie? Sounds like an Internet or nickname. What’s your actual name?”
“Pinkamena Diane Pie, but ponies feel uneasy about that name.”
“You know what? Fine, just stick with Pinkie. I’ll take your nickname over something that sounds almost just as fake, but even I get a bad vibe from Pinkamena. It’s like the name some crazy evil person would have. Anyway, what are you even doing here anyway?”
“It’s a long story. It started when...”
“Actually, just come in the house with me, it’s cold out here.” Pinkie and Luna followed Heather inside. Pinkie bounced on all fours. What? She really thinks she’s a horse? But even horses don’t bounce like this. What is wrong with this girl? Also, bringing a stranger into the house? Dad will be so mad. Clearly something is screwy about this girl. Heather thought. They sit down in the living room.
“So, I was helping Twilight with an experiment in her castle. She was working on a teleporter to help creatures get across Equestria far quicker than any other transportation like trains could. The trials involving objects went fine, so she wanted to test out a pony. I volunteered. The goofy machine had a lot of spinning bits and funny noises. I sneezed and I think that threw off the results. And now I’m here.” Heather did a double take.
“You expect me to believe any of that?! Come on, what’s the real reason you’re here? Did you partied too hard?”
“I love parties! If there’s a party happening in Ponyville, I probably planned or made it myself. I’m a party planning professional pink pony.”
“If you haven’t noticed, you’re not exactly a pony. Wow, I wish I could have some of what you’re having if it makes you this happy.”
“Why such frowns? I turn frowns into slimes. Smile smile smile!”
“On second thought, maybe not. Are you seriously breaking into song? Please no. Welcome to Earth. We’re in the United States of America, New York state. The city of Niagara Falls and today is February 22nd, 2022.
“You look pretty fine now, so I’m sure you can find your way home from here before dad gets back home and wonder why I brought a stranger into the house.”
“But my home is way off in Ponyville. Do you have any teleporters or spells that could take me back?”
“Spells?!”
“You know, magic.” Heather started laughing, barely able to contain herself. “I like to make ponies laugh, but I didn’t intend it this time.”
“So, you’re from a land called Equestria with ponies and magic and probably sun shines and rainbows. I gotta hand it to you, you sure know how to make up crazy stories. Look, I had to lose my Mario Kart online races because you somehow shown up in my yard and Luna wouldn’t stop barking. The whole walking on fours thing and even your dyed hair kinda helped sell what you were saying. Oh, wait, I think I know what it is. You’re homeless, ain’t you? Well, this isn’t a shelter. I don’t know how it is that homeless people get by, but, this isn’t my problem. Whatever is going on up there in your head, I don’t want to deal with it.” Pinkie’s eyes started to tear up.
“It’s clear you need help, but I can’t give it to you.” With a matter of seconds, Pinkie’s hair deflated, she became pretty grayscale looking, and she was on the verge of crying. “Whoa, how did you do that with your hair? It was like a balloon going off, including the sounds. And somehow you’re way less colorful. That... doesn’t really make sense.”
“I’m sorry to have bothered you, I’ll be going, you’ll never see me again.” Upon witnessing this, Luna started to bark angerly at Heather.
“Wait!” Heather called out to Pinkie, “You have to understand, the stuff you talked about, this doesn’t happen around here. There’s no such thing as magic. There’s people claiming there is, but they never have solid proof. There’s stage magicians, but they use numerous tricks and illusions to make it look like something is happening that really isn’t. Now that doesn’t mean I suddenly believe everything you told me, but, the fact you did something seemingly impossible, or just really good at faking it, might mean there is some truth to your claims. But, even if this is all true, we don’t have quite anything here that could teleport you back home. I’m sorry I snapped at you, okay? This just all happened so fast. You popped outside the yard seemingly out of nowhere. The name and dyed hair come off like someone trying too hard to be an anime character. I don’t handle people well, okay?” Suddenly, Pinkie’s hair returned to normal, along with her colors. She then put Heather into a big hug.
“Thanks for giving me a chance!”
“Umm... could you not choke me? Personal space please lady!”
“Okey dokey lokey.” Pinkie backed off the hug. “Your dog is named Luna? That’s neat, we have Princess Luna back home.”
“Princesses? I shouldn’t be surprised. Anyway, dad brought this dog to try to get me to warm up to something if not people. Let me tell you, it isn’t working. I haven’t held or even petted this dog once since dad got her a few months ago. She’s a Miniature Pinscher breed.” Pinkie holds out her arms and Luna jumps onto them.
“You should pet her Heather,” Pinkie suggested.
“No thanks, that’s going to take like, a lot of work on my part.”
“And what better time to start than now?”
“You know what? Fine, you probably won’t let this go until I rub the dumb mutt.” Heather does rub the top of Luna’s head. “There, I did it.”
“Didn’t that feel good?”
“No, not really. Just forced. I’m not exactly looking to make friends.”
“Ahh... why not?”
“Because they hurt me. I thought friendship was wonderful, but then, I was betrayed by those who I thought were my friends. I went through days of crying and being an emotional mess, in the middle of school no less. I don’t want to risk that again.”
“You sure there’s no making up? You have me and all the new friends we can make.”
“Really? But I barely know you and if you really are a pony from a magical land, we probably don’t have much in common at all. I also don’t think I can go back to those people and just talk it out and everything will be fine. The fact I still see them in school is enough to make me super nervous and sweaty.”
“That’s where we start. We don’t have to be very alike to be friends. Why, my bestest friends back home are quite so different from each other, especially Rarity and Rainbow Dash. Twilight Sparkle is probably the smartest pony in all of Equestria. When we first met, she didn’t even believe in friendship. Then a bunch of stuff happened and she’s the Princess of Friendship. She even opened a school to teach friendship.”
“A school to teaching friendship? Good luck finding around here. That’s great, but that’s not Earth. I bet ponies in Equestria all get along super easily and stuff.”
“Not as easily as you might think. We have many conflicts and lessons to learn about each other. And there are some really mean ponies and creatures who we couldn’t reform through friendship.”
“I can picture it now. This being a cartoon filled with moral and friendship lessons. Although if it gone on for multiple seasons, I bet some of you would have to forget what you learned in order to make certain episodes work. Wait... no. I’m curious, how many girls are there compared to boys in Equestria?”
“Quite a lot more. Me and my other five besties are all mares. The ruling ponies like Princess Celestia are all female. I have three sisters but no brothers. Even a lot of background ponies are mares compared to stallions. Although outside of ponies, the other creatures are more likely to be male.”
“So, in order words, a largely female driven society. Which would mean such a cartoon would likely be marketed toward girls, with a lot of pink and pretty dresses. No way that could ever catch on, especially with guys. And if it did, they would have to be secretive about it.”
“You’ll be surprised.”
“What?”
“We’re not as girly as you might think. There’s Rainbow Dash, the coolest, most athletic pony out there.”
“So, a tomboy?”
“She’s not a boy named Tom.”
“I mean a girl with largely boyish traits.”
“Oh, yeah, that’s her. But even Rainbow will wear dresses occasionally.”
“Lemme guess, she’s into girls?”
“Well... her and Applejack may have a thing going on.”
“And this Applejack, also a tomboy? Jack is very much a guy’s name. Oh, that reminds me, we have Apple Jacks Cereal.”
“They made a whole cereal for her?”
“Not quite, no. They’re apple flavored cereal, but, it has nothing to do with the pony. Who are your other besties?”
“There’s Fluttershy...”
“Wow, that name is so on the nose, she’s shy isn’t she?”
“Yup, although she has been coming out of her shell a lot more. She’s really great with animals, which is normally an Earth Pony trait although she’s a pegasus pony.”
“If there’s ponies with wings, then does that mean there are also unicorns?”
“Yup. Rarity is one and so is Twilight, well, used to be one before she became an alicorn.”
“A what?”
“A pony with both wings and a horn.”
“That sounds OP, I mean, if they were like classes in a game, seems like they would have the traits of all the pony species, almost as if they’re a straight up better species.”
“That doesn’t make the rest of us inferior to them, they’re... different.”
“Still sounds like a straight up upgrade. Actually, how many of them are there?”
“There’s five. Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, Princess Cadance, Princess Twilight Sparkle, and Flurry Heart.”
“Princesses? Well then, females really get a good deal. And I’m guessing Flurry Heart is female as well? Wait, are there any princes?”
“Yeah, but they’re all unicorns.”
“Sounds totally fair. If there’s unicorns, pegasi, and alicorns, then there’s ponies who don’t have wings or a horn?”
“We call them earth ponies, like Applejack and I.”
“If you can’t fly or use magic, then what can you do? Earth ponies sound like they get a raw deal.”
“We’re the strongest ponies and we tend to the earth better than any other ponies. We’re needed to keep up farms and everypony fed. My family works on a rock farm.”
“A rock farm? What?!”
“We even have meals like rock soup.”
“Do I even... never mind.”
“Don’t knock it till you try it.”
“No thanks. I’m guessing you don’t eat meat? Surely don’t have to try that to know you won’t like it. Actually, since you’re a human now, maybe you would.”
“Eating animals? No way, I can’t do it!”
“It’s not as bad as it sounds. Well, I guess that makes you a vegetarian. Please no superiority complex about how you’re better than us meat eaters. Equestria surely has carnivores and omnivores.”
“Yup, and we even taken more steps to make sure other creatures can live just fine in Ponyville especially since the friendship school is located there.”
“Anyway, you mentioned earlier that Rarity and Rainbow Dash are quite different from each other and that Rarity is a unicorn. What’s she like?”
“She’s a high class fashion pony. If a pony in Ponyville is wearing something, there’s a good chance she made it.”
“Ponies, clothes. I really don’t know either way if you ponies wear clothes as much as humans or hardly any. On that note, I’m glad you shown up in clothes or this whole situation could have been way more awkward with me trying to use my clothes to fit you.”
“Nope, most of the time we don’t wear anything at all, except for special moments.”
“Right, a pony that makes clothes for a mostly naked society. I can see it now. Everything Wrong with Equestria in Many Minutes by Heather Young! I would then add sins for everything I thought was odd in Equestria.”
Heather heard the front door opened. “Heather, I’m home!” Her dad said.
“Pinkie, hide!” Heather commanded.
“Pinkie, who?” Heather’s dad asked. He came into the living room quickly. “Heather, who is this? Did you make a friend at school? I thought the day would never come. Wait, she looks older than you, what’s going on?”