//------------------------------//
// Chapter 25: Where in Equestria? 
// Story: Caverns & Cutie Marks: Our House Now 
// by TheColtTrio 
//------------------------------//

“You know... you really would look good in crimson or carmine red,” Light Patch said, looking down from the top of the book shelf.
    “And you would look good in the colors of a bruise,” Rarity retorted, glaring up at the colt.
He opened his mouth from a twisted smile, but she cut him off. “Don’t you even,” she warned. She looked at her sketch pad, considering the one accurate drawing she’d made of the costume Light Patch had been influencing her over. “I must ask, why this? I would have thought you’d be more for adventuring gear.”
    “I’ve had a song stuck in my head for a while.”
    “Well, if you hold still and come closer, I can use some of the books to knock it free of your head.”
    “And Twilight would use our hides to bind new books. I’ll stay up here out of range.”
    “I’ll tell you what: you stop pestering me about this outfit and I won’t throw anything at you.” She could see the colt’s hesitation. “To sweeten the deal, I won’t even kick you. If you’ll be civil about all of this, I too shall be civil.”
Light Patch peered over the edge of the book shelf and eyed Rarity suspiciously for a few moments before he drifted down to the floor.
    “I can do civil. I’ll be the most civil pony ever. I’ll be more civil than a civil servant. I do have to ask why you’re so desperate to be civil about this?” Light Patch asked flitting down to sit at the table Rarity had claimed as hers in the library.
    “As a business owner, I am curious how you’re finding that cloak I made for you.” Rarity evaded, pouring a cup of tea for Light Patch.
    “Layered Permafrost seems so much happier with that cloak, much better than that burlap sack cloak I watched him cobble together,” Light Patch said coyly, smiling at the way Rarity’s coat bristled when he mentioned what her cloak replaced. “A lot warmer too. Significantly warmer. A lot of the locals have mentioned he strikes a much more imposing figure now and the mercs don’t seem to be as embarrassed to be seen working for him now.” Light Patch took a sip of his tea, pointedly ignoring the way Rarity’s eyes widened when he mentioned the mercenaries.
    “So you really are trying to dig up the Orb of Glacious, then?” Rarity pressed.
    “That does seem to be Layered Permafrost’s plan.” Light Patch half smiled and sighed, “Who, I must remind you again, is not me. You haven’t forgotten my name, have you, dear?” he asked with a twisted grin on his face.
    “Oh come now. Do you really expect me to believe that Layered Permafrost isn’t you?” Rarity asked, arching a skeptical eyebrow.
    “Of course I do. Because he is not me and I am not him. Besides, wouldn’t you think that if it was me, I’d have come up with a name that doesn’t match my initials? I might not be at Wit’s level in scheming, but you don’t really think I’m that dumb?”
    “Of course not, but as a fellow creative- and don’t try to deny it,” she said, cutting Light Patch off, “Sunset showed some of those shorts stories you’d written and, in any case, we’ve all encountered some version of writers’ block and had to choose the easy answer rather than the more creative one.”
    “I appreciate the vote of confidence, but I assure you that LP has no relation to this LP.”
    “Well... if you’re the one saying it...” Rarity let the way she trailed off tell Light Patch that she didn’t believe him but was willing to drop this conversation. “Speaking of Wits, how is he doing right now? Do you think he’ll calm down about whatever spat he had with Twilight soon and help us find Purple Heart?”
    “He’s quite busy with his own plans. Otherwise, I’d run Layered Permafrost’s plan by him to see if he has any insight. He probably wouldn’t really like me interrupting his little study sessions though,” Light Patch said with a shrug and a noisy sip of tea.
    “And just what is he studying? I’m sure Twilight would love to assist him with it,” She asked, ignoring his noisy sips.
    “She seems more tempted to help him to learn to breathe without access to air at the moment. And I also see what you're trying to do with this really good tea and cookies I like.”
Rarity smiled sweetly and batted her lashes.
    “Why, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
    “You're pumping me for information on me and my friends’ plans,” he said, emphasizing the word ‘friends’ in a way Rarity wouldn’t have ever expected him of all ponies to do.
    “S-so, wha-what have you been up to?” Rarity stuttered as she tried to get over her surprise.
    “Oh, you know. A little of this and a pinch of that, keeping an eye on the mercs, watching Moon Dancer keep the dig team on target. That artifact spell I lead her to figuring out is actually doing good. Daring Do might have to look out or she might be getting out-scooped before too long.” Rarity snorted.
    “From what I’ve heard of Moon Dancer, she’d be more likely to just sit in a library all day. And if she did ever meet Daring Do, she’d likey faint from excitement and be more than happy to team up. Or talk about some literary analysis of the books,” Rarity tittered.
    “I don’t know. Leading this dig has really changed her. She seems to be more confident. I think she’s actually planning to pull a Nigel Billingsly before I can get to it,” Light Patch said, snagging a couple more cookies.
    “A Nigel Billingsly?” Rarity asked.
    “Grab the artifact and pull a runner before I can get my ambiguously shady-evil mitts on it,” Light Patch explained, with a shrug.
    “You know, she’s not the only one who’s changed. You and your friends seem to have undergone a fairly significant change yourselves.”
    “When you're thrust into life endangering situations and you unfairly keep getting the blame for it, how could you do anything but change?” The grey pegasus blinked. “Oh ho ho no. I see what you're trying to do.” Light Patch pointed a mildly accusing hoof at the alabaster unicorn.
    “And just what am I trying to do?” Rarity said, taking a mouth full of tea to hide her gulp of concern.
    “You’re trying to get me to monologue. And it’s a bit early in the story for that to happen now, isn’t it? We’re barely into the twenties, chapter wise. In most murder mysteries, the villian doesn’t monolouge until past the halfway point.”
    “With you and your friends, it feels more like we’re in some one thousand page novel.” Rarity quipped coolly.
    “I thought we were going to be perfectly civil here?” Light Patch asked with a forced smile.
    “Of course we are. I was just saying that you and your friends bring so much...” Rarity hesitated for a moment, “depth to what is going on right now.”
    Light Patch took a sip of his tea and looked at Rarity with a malicious grin. “Nice save. Speaking of depth, the dig has actually proceeded fairly well. Moon Dancer’s ecstatic about the wealth of artifacts and riches that’ve been unearthed… or should that be unequised? Or maybe un-iced since it’s mostly ice where we’re digging.” Light Patch waved a hoof as if to shoo away flies.
“Thoughts for later. In anycase, she’s been quite happy. It’s mostly Old War relics. What would you expect from a dig on an ancient battlefield? Sometimes I wonder if she’s forgotten about the Orb of Glacious. The miners have to remind her to check every now and then to make sure they are still digging in the right direction.” Light Patch paused for another of the cookies.
    “Half of the team are locals and the other half are some diamond dog bandits who owe some of the local ponies. I’ve had to keep a close eye on them to make sure they don’t pilfer too much to sell on the market. Though, the big thing I’m worried about them doing is calling in some more friends without as many scruples to help them take the Orb for themselves.”
    “It sounds like you’ve been able to keep a lid on things for the most part,” Rarity commented. “Neither Twilight nor I could track down much information on the Orb and Moon Dancer seemed moderately convinced we were there on Twilight’s behalf.”
    “My ability to poof around and show up at hilariously inopportune times for nefarious actions haa been helping. But I’m afraid they’re getting better at avoiding that.” Light Patch sighed.
    “I’m sure you, Moon Dancer, and the locals are doing your best to keep dangerous things out of the paws of scrupulous diamond dogs,” Rarity drawled.
    “I’m doing my best, but lately, Layered Permafrost has been worried about another issue. Two larger groups of bandits have been skulking around the area. He had me focus on them primarily. He’s actually worried the dogs might have gotten a message to one or both of the groups,” Light Patch added.
    “I’m sure if you and Layered Permafrost put your minds to it, you could easily come up with a plan to deal with the two bandit groups. Or you could ask the Crystal Empire to send some of their guards up to improve your security.”
    “Why not? Because the best way to say ‘there’s nothing to look at’ is to post armed guards and build fences with signs saying there’s nothing to look at and to move along,” Light Patch riposted, an eyebrow raising up over the brim of his teacup as if the steam of the tea had lifted it.
    “Ah. So, curiosity is a hard thing to deal with.”
    “Of course. It doesn’t help that Layered seems to be changing his plans on the fly a little.”
    “And what makes you say that, Light?”
    “Well, he’s been letting Moon Dancer double check some of his math. It sounds like he’s gone from just finding a way to jump from one universe to another to making the path a little more structured and permanent,” Light Patch explained as he took another cookie.
    Rarity choked on her tea, just barely managing to not do a spit take. “I don’t know much about teleportation or portals, but even I know that it takes immense power and precision to accomplish such a feat. Without an alicorn, where would he get that much magic, let alone use it?”
    “I’d have gone to Wits myself, but it’s not my plan and he’s busy anyway.”
    “Naturally.”
    “Yes, naturally. I think he’s letting Moon Dancer in on things with the hopes of her channeling it. As for the power, well, the Orb is leaking so much of it even I as a pegasus could feel it. He’s probably hoping to syphon the magic from it.” Light Patch jumped at a slight buzzing sound coming from his pocket. Rarity opened her mouth to ask what it was, but the grey pegasus pulled out the pocket watch she’d heard Twilight describe so many times she’d started to see it in her recent dreams.
    It took all of her willpower to not drop her cup and lunge over the table for the timepiece if only for the purpose to stop Twilight’s constant whining. However, she resisted the urge and remained seated, though her tense body belied her ambivalence.
“I know it’s very rude to leave as suddenly as I showed up, especially considering the effort you’ve put into this,” Light said, taking a couple more cookies, “but I’m afraid that my hoof is being rather forced at this point.” He then vanished.
    Rarity sat there, staring at where the pegasus and that pocket watch had been mere moments ago. She sighed, a small bit of relief flooding through her before a shock of cold realization shot down her spine. She was relieved to know that Light was not planning to use the Orb for what it was originally intended for, but she couldn’t imagine using it as a power source for a connection between universes. More troubling however was that his plan, by his own admission, had shifted and if it moved once could it not move again.
    Rarity shook her head to clear her thoughts. She was about to calmly finish her tea before she recalled the one big concern the pegasus had. When her mind connected that with the reason for his hasty departure, she decided good grace be damned and gulped the last of her tea and bolted for the door to warn Twilight.


* * *


    Rainbow Dash hovered at what was, at least to her, a blisteringly slow speed. “Remind me again what we’re looking for? And why we’re taking our sweet time about it?”
Fluttershy—the reason for the slow-down—was walking a few steps behind her, wings folded at her sides. “Um, we’re trying to find any other ponies who’ve talked to Wits? Aaaaand we’re going slow because, uh, they aren’t going anywhere, I guess?”
The rainbow-maned mare rolled her eyes, then turned so that she was facing her friend, hovering backwards all the while. “You know, I thought that of all of us, you and Twilight would be the ones tryin’ to find that Portobello colt.”
“Wh-what do you mean?” Fluttershy asked. “Also, um, it’s Falabella-”
“Well,” Rainbow Dash interrupted, “Wits kept callin’ you his waifu, right? And whenever he needed help from one of us, he went straight to you. Based on what Twilight said about what happened in that human world of Sunset’s, it sounds like the same thing went for that world’s version of Fluttershy too.” She flipped onto her back, paddling the air with her wings. “It’s pretty obvious he’s got some sort of feeling for you,” she mused, then a wide grin spread across her face. “Any chance those feelings are reciprocated?”
“Wh-wh-what?” Fluttershy’s face turned red. “I don’t- I’m- He’s-”
Rainbow Dash broke into a giggle fit, nearly colliding with a tree as she recovered. “Relax, ‘Shy, I’m just teasing! But you gotta admit, you two got pretty close during the first part of Discord’s ponynapp- I mean, adventure.”
Fluttershy turned her head so that her mane hid her blush and mumbled something unintelligible. “And you didn’t?” she said eventually.
“Eh.” Rainbow Dash rolled over and slowed so that she hovered next to her friend. “It’s not like we had a whole lot of adventure together. It was more like we both happened to be in the same room at the same time.” She glanced over at Fluttershy. “Not that I don’t like the little guy, mind you. I think he was just more interested in you than me.”
Fluttershy had sunk about as far into her mane as she could while still walking forward. “Wh-what about Twilight?” she asked, desperate to distract Rainbow Dash from embarrassing her further.
Fortunately, Dash took the bait. “I mean, it’s almost just as obvious, but in typical Twilight fashion neither of them seem to realize it. They butt heads and lock horns so often, they might as well be engaged at this point. Heck, their names are practically anagrams of each other.”
“That sounds more like they don’t like each other.”
“Nah, nah, nah. You gotta remember that these are two pretty smart ponies. That means they thought of every logical explanation for why they keep fighting, and completely ignored the emotional one.” Rainbow Dash shrugged. “Twi thinks Wits is specifically coming after her for revenge. I say this is just an extension of their ongoing will-they-won’t-they. I mean, she’s even magic-proofed her castle so he can’t get in through the doors or windows. That’s a little excessive, don’t you think?”
Fluttershy was silent for a while. “Um… Since when do you care about how ponies feel about each other?”
Rainbow Dash stopped hovering, standing still on her hooves. “Look, I’ve had a lot of time and not a lot to do,” she said defensively. “Wits blowing up Trixie’s wagon was the last real exciting thing I got to take care of around here.”
“Oh… Oh!” Fluttershy clapped her forehooves together. “We should talk to Trixie!”
“I thought we were looking for ponies who’ve talked to Wits?”
“Do you think that Wits would leave Ponyville without talking to the last pony who’s property he accidentally destroyed? He probably stopped by to apologize.”
“Or practice gloating,” Rainbow Dash added. “Alright, let’s go ask. I think her new wagon is still out on the edge of town.” The mare took off again, shooting down the street so fast she left a trail with all of the colors of her namesake.
Fluttershy, after the air around them had calmed down again, lifted a few inches off the ground with her wings, and followed at a much more reasonable pace.
It didn’t take long for the two mares to meet up again outside of Trixie’s new wagon, one that looked an awful lot like the old one, but far cleaner and with less road damage. “So, how’re we gonna play this?” Rainbow Dash asked. She punched her forehooves together. “Good guard, bad guard?”
Fluttershy blanched. “Wh-what? No, we’re just asking friendly questions!”
Rainbow Dash seemed to deflate slightly. “I never get to be the bad guard,” she grumbled before rapping her hoof against the door. “Trixie! It’s the Fast and Incredible Rainbow Dash! Open up!”
Fluttershy cocked an eyebrow. “Fast and Incredible?”
“She was going on about being Great and Powerful and all sorts of other epithets. I had to speak her language.” The two of them waited for a few seconds, but there didn’t appear to be any movement from within the wagon. Rainbow Dash sighed heavily and knocked again, more gently this time. “It’s the Lowly and Apologetic Rainbow Dash,” she droned.
The door swung open immediately to reveal Trixie, dressed in her full magician’s regalia, and a big, smug grin on her face. “And what can the Benevolent and Formerly Wronged Trixie do for you two?” she asked with all of the melodrama that her career required.
Fluttershy glanced at Rainbow Dash, then turned back to Trixie. “Um… Can we come in and talk?”
Trixie thought for a moment. “Trixie has no other pressing concerns. Please, enter.” She retreated into the wagon. “Trixie shall prepare a most welcoming tea!”
Fluttershy looked back at her companion, who had already started towards the door. “Lowly and Apologetic?”
“I had to speak her language,” Rainbow Dash said flatly. She took a seat at a small round table in the center of the wagon, then sniffed the air. “What’s that smell?”
“The Lowly and Apologetic Rainbow Dash,” Trixie replied, setting a kettle on a small burner in the corner, “likely smells a cheeseburger.”
“Cheeseburger?” Dash sniffed again as Fluttershy sat down next to her. “Smells good. What’s in it?”
Trixie took a seat across from them. “I… don’t know, to be honest.”
“You don’t want to know,” Fluttershy said, her face pale.
Rainbow Dash turned to her. “You know what a cheeseburger is?”
“Trust me on this one,” Fluttershy said, swallowing hard. The blood had drained from her cheeks. “You don’t want to know. I worked with some Griffons once who told me. They shouldn’t have told me, but they did. And now I’m telling you: you don’t want to know.”
“...So!” Trixie cleared her throat. “What would you like to talk to Trixie about?”
“You know that unicorn I talked to you about before?” Rainbow Dash asked, taking the initiative while Fluttershy practiced the anti-anxiety exercise Twilight used.
“The one who destroyed Trixie’s last wagon, along with almost all of her worldly possessions?” A hard edge crept its way into Trixie’s voice as she spoke, only to vanish the moment after she asked the question. “Sure, what about him?”
“Have you seen him around lately?”
Trixie went silent. A strange silvery haze seemed to flit about in the corner of her eyes for a brief moment before vanishing again. At that moment, the kettle began to whistle. “Excuse me for just one moment,” Trixie said, standing and trotting over to the burner.
Fluttershy leaned closer to Rainbow Dash and whispered. “I think she’s hiding something.”
“Ya think?” Dash muttered back, keeping an eye on the unicorn as she added tea leaves to a teapot and collected mugs. “Did you see her eyes?”
Fluttershy nodded. “She’s under some sort of spell, at the very least.”
“5 bits says it’s the same spell Wits got from that knock-off Celestia in Discord’s game world.”
“Guiding Sunlight? We should get Twilight. Maybe she can break the spell?”
Rainbow Dash shook her head. “Not yet. If we run off now, she might run away too. Let’s let this play out, see what info we can get out of her, then we’ll hightail it to Twilight’s.” The two of them separated as Trixie started walking back to them, a steaming teapot and three mugs following behind her.
“You were asking if Trixie has seen the unicorn who ruined her life and caused her severe emotional distress.” Trixie said, as if to refresh the conversation as she poured the tea. “Well, I have. He came by the next day.”
Dash’s eyebrows shot up almost to where her mane started. “He did?” 
Trixie nodded, summoning small containers of cream and sugar from her kitchen. “He apologised for what he had done, and asked for some help with teleportation.”
“And what did you tell him?”
Trixie paused, a sugar cube hovering above her mug of tea. “Trixie may have said some things that she cannot repeat in mixed company.”
Dash’s eyes narrowed. “Secrets?”
“Expletives.” Trixie sipped her tea, then added another splash of cream. “It would not be good for my reputation if the general public learned that the Great and Powerful Trixie had picked up some habits from performing for sailors in Baltimare and taxi drivers in Manehatten.”
“I see…” Rainbow Dash glanced over at Fluttershy, who was busy sipping her own tea. “And what did he do after that?”
Trixie shrugged with her eyes closed. “He ran away before Trixie could get to the most colorful parts of her vocabulary. Or perhaps by my threat to drop what was left of my original wagon on him. It’s difficult to tell.” She sipped her tea with a quiet slurp. “Trixie got quite heated. Never even got his name. Just,” she motioned something moving away at high speed and whistled.
“Sorry I missed it,” Dash muttered. “So you haven’t seen him since then?”
Once again, the silvery light seemed to glow behind Trixie’s eyes for just a moment. “Nope,” she said, sipping her tea. “Haven’t seen hide nor hair of Wits since then.”
Fluttershy tapped Rainbow Dash on the shoulder—an unnecessary motion. “Didn’t you just say you didn’t get his name?” the rainbow-maned pegasus asked.
Trixie blinked. “Huh? What are you talking about?”
“Wits End.” Rainbow Dash’s gaze turned hard. “You just said he never said his name.”
“He didn’t,” Trixie said with a frown.
“Then how did you know it just now?”
“I…” To their surprise, Trixie’s expression shifted to one of confusion. “You… must have said it at some point.
“Um.” Fluttershy shifted uncomfortably. “We didn’t.”
“What?” Trixie’s confusion grew stronger, and she set her mug on the table. Her eyebrows knitted together as she stared at a point just above the table’s surface. “I must’ve heard it somewhere…”
“Trixie.” Rainbow Dash put a forehoof on Fluttershy’s shoulder, as if ready to push her to safety. “Have you seen Wits End since he came to ask you questions after destroying your wagon?”
The silver light flashed again at the edge of Trixie’s eyes. “Nope,” she said. “Haven’t seen hide nor hair of Wits since then.” She blinked. “Wait…”
“And what did Wits do after you yelled at him?”
“He ran away,” Trixie said, her eyes glinting with silver, “before Trixie could get to the most colorful parts of her vocabulary.” She shook her head, as if to clear the light from her eyes. “What is happening?”
Fluttershy glanced at Rainbow Dash. “Um, yeah, what’s happening?”
Rainbow Dash shrugged. “Pretty basic hypnotism. She’s got a pre-programmed response to certain questions.”
“How do you know that?”
“...Well, I might’ve read it in a book once.” Fluttershy raised an eyebrow, and Rainbow Dash sighed. “It was the plot twist in a Daring Do book, alright? My point is that if Wits is a villain, he’s probably acting on the same level as the bad guys in those books. They always leave a hint that gives it away.”
“Basic hypnotism?” Trixie spluttered. “Are you trying to insinuate that the Great and Powerful Trixie is under the effect of some cheap magician’s trick?”
Rainbow Dash smirked. “Have you seen Wits since he destroyed your wagon?”
“Nope. Haven’t seen hide nor hair of Wits since then. Buck!” Trixie slammed her hat on the table, rattling the mugs and spilling the cream. “How long has this spell been on me?!”
“I dunno,” Dash chuckled. “When was the last time you saw Wits? Was it some time after he destroyed your wagon?”
“The unicorn who ruined Trixie’s life and caused her severe emotional distress? He came by the next day. Stop doing that!”
“Sorry, sorry.” Rainbow Dash held up her forehooves to keep the showpony back. “Well, at least it seems like you’re not doing this willingly.”
“Willingly?” Trixie was out of her seat and stomping around the small room. “Of course I’m not being willingly mind controlled! The inside of Trixie’s brain is not something to be scrambled and manipulated like… like… like some common Ponyville plebeian!” She paused, and turned to the two pegasi. “No offence.”
“None taken,” Rainbow Dash said sarcastically. “What’d you think, Fluttershy?”
Fluttershy, who had been trying to clean up the spilled cream before it sank into the new floorboards, looked up. “What?”
“Should we take her to Twilight? See if she can figure out what’s going on with the Brainwashed and Puppetted Trixie?”
“I do not like that epithet,” Trixie muttered.
“Um, I think we probably should,” Fluttershy said slowly. “Maybe Twilight can fix whatever Wits did. Or… maybe she can track it back to him?”
Rainbow Dash nodded. “Sounds like something she’d be able to figure out.” She turned to Trixie. “Ready to go?”
Trixie brushed off her hat and resettled it on her head. “The Great and Powerful Trixie was born ready.”
“Oh really?” Dash asked. “Hey, when was the last time you saw-”
Trixie held up a hoof. “Trixie is ready,” she said simply.
The three ponies trotted out of the wagon. Trixie was the last to leave, and once the door was empty her horn glowed with magic. A moment later, a soft ‘woop woop’ came from the wagon. “What was that?” Fluttershy asked.
“What?” Trixie raised an eyebrow. “I’m supposed to leave without locking it?”
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “Let’s just go. It’s gonna take us long enough with both of you walking.” A thought struck her, and she turned to Trixie. “Hey, can you teleport us to the castle?”
“I don’t see why not. Hold on to your lunches, please!” Trixie focused for a moment. In an instant, the three mares vanished in a burst of pink magic. An instant later, and the mares appeared in Twilight’s castle, right next to the friendship map. “Please take care as you disembark from Trixie Airlines, and be sure to collect your baggage as you leave.”
“I think Wits has a point about the teleportation sickness,” Fluttershy muttered.
Twilight, who had been taking another shot at fixing the map, stared at the newly arrived ponies. “What’re you doing here?”
Rainbow Dash lifted off the ground, gesturing to Trixie. “Looks like the Great and Powerful had a run-in with-”
“Not you.” Twilight cut her off with a raised hoof. Her eyes narrowed as she looked past the three ponies. “You.”
Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy followed her glare past Trixie to a point behind them. As they turned, the door leading out clicked shut. Standing by them stood a stallion, his coat cyan and mint, and a glowing horn upon his head. Wits End turned to face them, a smirk on his face. “Did ya miss me?”
“Wait,” Rainbow Dash muttered. “But… I thought Twilight magic-proofed the castle-” Her eyes grew wide, and she turned on the other unicorn in the room. “You.”
“Me?” Trixie asked, a wide grin on her face.
“You’re working with him?”
“Did Trixie leave that part out?” Trixie stuck her tongue out and winked. “Oops.”