//------------------------------// // No One's To Blame (☜︎⌧︎♍︎♏︎◻︎⧫︎ 💣︎♏︎) // Story: Why Do You Speak My Language?! // by Soaring //------------------------------// I had gone back to bed to get some more shuteye, but then I realized that sleep was a waste and now my brain is more active than a couple rabbits trying to repopulate. I knew why I was acting this way. I was stressed because Nurse Redheart had told me that I needed to talk to someone about my feelings. I had someone in mind, and that pony, even though we’ve only talked a few times, had me worried. Why? I was worried about what she would think of me, and how this all would fall into place. Actually, I might be lying. I’m only worried because, well… the human brain likes to do this. Okay, maybe that's a lie too, like a terrible cover up for a scandal. It’s because I actually care. I care about what she thinks. She’s made it easier to at least digest all of this, but I have a feeling I know what she’ll say to me. She’ll say something like “Rick, you’re overthinking this. Relax. Take-Ten Interactive.” She probably wouldn’t say the last part unless it was in magical horse language, but I digress. Point being is she would read me my rights and privileges, even if they were in very small print, and I’m worried she’ll hate what I have to say in response. I don’t know. All I know is I need to get my ass up and tell her as soon as possible, so I can then take a long nap called hibernation. I sighed, got my ass up, and took a few seconds to stretch. Once I was done simulating what one would do during yoga, I got dressed (just kidding I’m in the infirmary, so I got this one-piece gown that makes me feel like I’m naked with an asterisk next to it) and waited patiently for said pony to greet me. Three. Two. One. “Hey, Rick, are you awake?” I could hear her voice through the door. I took a shaky, deep breath and put on a happy face. “Yep. I am. Come on in.” My tired voice must have concerned her as she yelped and quickly fondled the doorknob. Once she figured out how to open a door, Starlight slammed it wide open, sending the door crashing into the wall. She walked in with a cart that only had a small plate of classic breakfast cuisine on it. She quickly set that aside though, and scurried to shut the door. The door clicked rather unceremoniously shut, but the sudden locking of said door made me raise a brow. She sensed something was wrong with me already? And why does she have this glint in her eyes? Starlight, in all her glory, stared me down before she spoke to me softly. “What’s wrong with you?” I tilted my head. “You can tell?” Starlight made her way to my bedside, before sitting on her flanks. She nodded. “Yep. Your eyes are bloodshot. Bad dream?” “Not exactly,” I said, before glancing at the open door. No one else had entered but her. Where’s…? “Where’s Nurse Redheart?” “She’s just down the hall. I can wave her down for you if anything’s hurting or what not.” “No, I’m just confused as to why you’re delivering my food and not her.” Starlight smirked. “Thought I’d save you from the terrible food this place had to offer, so I whipped up a breakfast you can’t deny, otherwise Redheart will bring that infirmary garbage." “Guess I have no reason to deny you. Was that all? I mean, wouldn’t this place be a bit more untrustworthy that a patient’s friend brought food unapproved by the doctor or a nurse?” “Well, see, technically Redheart did approve it, since she said it was fine to deliver your breakfast to you. She also said it would ‘allow her to focus on getting Rick back on his feet faster’. Sounds like she wants you out of her mane.” “That would be funny if that was the case, but no, she probably knows I’m walking out today,” I said, rubbing my head. “Yet again, you don’t look like you’re better. But that’s probably because you’re tired and need some more rest.” “I’ll just tell them that I’ll take a catnap after I get my mind all sorted.” “So there was something wrong with you…” Starlight’s voice trailed off, but not before she set a hoof on my leg. She didn’t slap it or anything, but she gently held it there, grazing over my gown. I sighed. “You’re not going to hate me with what I’m about to say, right?” “Depends on what you have to say, but I most likely won’t.” I raised a brow at that. “What’s the dependency?” “If you tell me that you hate me, then of course I have all the power in the world to hate you back.” “Perfect, because that’s not what I was going to say.” Starlight smiled. “Good, then don’t worry. I won’t hate you.” My heart decided to perform a loop-de-loop in my body as butterflies (or bad gas again) filled me with a sense of urgency to get rid of them. “Great. I’ve been putting this off for some time so…” “Really? Are you frustrated? Is it your time of the month? I don’t know if human anatomy is the same for us mares but—” “No, no, guys don’t stream Red on Spotify. Don’t worry, I’m not frustrated. I just feel like I’m trying to win a gold medal in mental gymnastics, and from what I’ve heard from the commentators of the mental olympics, they say I am on track to win gold, so at least I’m successful at something.” “Congratulations on your mental anguish, I guess. This sounds like this has been happening for quite some time.” “Yeah… I’ve had this ever since I’ve been put in that room. I just never vocalized it. And now it’s escalated due to me getting knocked out by everyone’s magic.” Starlight gently rubbed my leg. “Well, I never thought I’d knock someone out with my magic. Sorry about that.” I put my hand out and held her hoof there. “Not your fault. You and Twilight were operating on a hunch and you wanted to make sure you were right.” Starlight retracted her hoof. She looked away for a brief moment before looking back at me with her wide eyes. “I guess if you want to validate what we were doing. Still, though, I’m surprised and thankful that you’re sharing this with me.” “Really?” Starlight bobbed her head before she cracked a small smile. “Yeah, I mean, I thought you were going to avoid me after everything happened. In your POV, I strangled you with a pillow and tried to kill you—” I let out a chuckle, which caught Starlight completely off guard as she winced. “You’re not wrong about that. Was thinking ‘why is this bitch trying to strangle me’. My brain messed with me after that, thinking that everyone was out to get me, but I knew better. There had to be a reason for all this, especially since you were also trying to help me. And I was right, right?” Starlight giggled. “Yeah. You were right.” “Exactly. No one would just one-eighty from being extremely helpful to serial killer unless they were royally and mentally tarnished upstairs, or they were a pro-skater trying to attempt to do a 900 instead. So, I thought I’d give you a second chance.” “Glad you did,” Starlight said. She slowly set her right hoof to the side of the bed as she continued, “Hopefully we can start on the right hoof this time.” “Was that intentional?” I said, pointing at her hoof. Starlight giggle-snorted. “Yes.” “Good, because you’re on the right track,” I replied, meeting her hoof with my right hand. We keeled over in laughter like two friends laughing at something only they would laugh at. It was good to get all that anxiousness out of me, and it was even better that I chose her to confide with. I knew Starlight was the right pony to get myself put back together. Only a bit of worry resided now, as I wanted to know what her advice would be. So, I channeled some gusto, calmed myself down from my contact high, and cleared my throat.  “So…” “So…?” “This whole mental gymnastics thing I got going on…” “Yeah?” Starlight said with a head tilt. Every time she did this, her ear would twitch. Pony behaviors, man. “It’s hard to comprehend. I get that this magic is messing with me but it’s gotten me traumatized.” “I hope I didn’t damage you too much.” I shook my head. “No, but I do plan to sue you for damages. Cough up ten bucks and a free week stay/park access to any theme park of my choosing, and I’ll drop the charges.” “Ten bucks? Like kicks?” I forgot they were still horses. I facepalmed. “No, no, like dollars. Money. That green cash hash.” Starlight nearly broke her neck. “Bits, you mean?” “Yeah. Bits. Give me the equivalent in USD and we’re good.” “I don’t know what the conversion rate of that is, but we’ll get that sent to you for you to… probably do nothing with.” “Right, I’ll hold that cash money to remind me of your generosity.” “That’s not me at all. That’s Rarity’s job.” “Good, because you don’t need to take her job. To me, you’re fine as you are.” The words rolled out of my mouth like thunder. I didn’t have time to take them back, as it just felt natural to say, but man the reaction I got was something else. Starlight, who I have never seen this way, was blushing. Her eyes were wide, her cheeks wore a reddish tint, and her magic tried to fizzle to life, but the ring around her head reminded her of her judgment day, which made her blush turn into pain. She yelped, and shook her head as she let out a flurry of stutters. “Y-You d-didn’t mean it that way, r-right?” “What do you mean?” I said, leaning toward her. She slid back a bit. “You don’t like us like that.” “Like you like what?” I asked. “Did you think of it in another way that I’m not reading into?” Starlight gasped. “Uh…” Then, it hit me. Oops. “Oh.” That’s all I could say, my mind racing. I am way more smooth than I thought. Thankfully, my brain caught up to my emotions and continued, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” “N-No, you didn’t make me uncomfortable. I-I just t-thought of something else for a moment!” “R-Right,” I said, rubbing the back of my head. I let out an awkward chuckle. “Anyway, let’s get back to my problem before I cause more problems.” Starlight shook her head. “Good.” “So, I have this feeling of being lost, like I don’t know what to truly believe anymore. And that’s caused me to also feel like I’m alone in this world. I’m just here in a room, drifting nowhere, y’know?” Starlight was about to say something, but it was like the words couldn’t come out. Either that, or she was choosing what she wanted to say. Maybe she was closer to this type of thing than what I thought?  I watched as she battled herself, her muzzle scrunching up like an accordion, while she ever-so-slightly pursed her lips. After a few moments, she took a deep breath and began to search for the right words, “I… never felt that way, I guess. I mean I took over a town right? Then I was alone once all that power I had was taken away from me, but I haven’t felt what you’re feeling. I wasn’t taken from a completely different world where things were different. However, I do have a suggestion if you don’t mind.” “Shoot,” I began, propping myself up with my arm. “Anything is better than nothing at this point.” “Okay, bear with me. I have to ask a few questions first. This will help you, I promise.” “Sure… that’s what they all say.” “They?” “It’s a joke. Anyway, what do you got for me?” “Why do you feel alone?” I tilted my head and pointed at the obvious: her. “Newsflash, you’re not a human.” “Obviously, thanks for pointing that out,” Starlight said with an eye roll. I threw my hands up in the air. “What did you want me to say?” “The obvious. It was just painfully obvious. But I do want to point out something that you didn’t say.” “That I didn’t say?” Starlight looked me directly between the eyes, and with a clearing of the throat, laid a truth bomb on the top of my head, “Are you really alone?” I was about to say yes when I realized something. I was talking to her, I had talked to a nurse, a doctor, a purple maniac, her best friend who breathes fire, her friend group who all have varying degrees of crack addictions—they all were here for me. They wanted to talk to me, or rather, they were told to talk to me thanks to Twilight. Now I knew what Starlight was getting at. I shook my head. “I guess not.” “Why?” “Because you all exist.” Starlight cracked a smile and patted me on the head gently with her foreleg. “Exactly. Celestia above, you’ll most likely gain more friends once we figure out how to get you to not eat all the magic in the area, but my point still stands.” I was about to retort with something that would help me understand her more, but then something stuck out to me. “Celestia above? Who died?” Starlight face-to-hoof’d, because it totally look like she planted her face on that hoof of hers. “No one died. It’s a… turn of phrase.” “Right…” I said while I raised a brow, which earned me a disgruntled grunt from Starlight. I chuckled and dished out that retort of mine. “So you say that I’ll gain more friends, but do you really know that, Starlight?” The words rolled out of my mouth and into her ears. They twitched, once again, and her muzzle did the twist. She even let out a snort, like a frustrated reminder that next week was the beginning of the work week and Starlight hated her job or something—  “No. Not 100%,” Starlight began. She kept me in place, her hoof grazing my leg again. “But I know one thing about you that makes me want to talk to you more.” “Really?” “Yeah, you’re strong. Even if you don’t believe it, I know that you are. You’re stronger than most ponies I know, especially that you’re still somewhat sane despite everything you’ve been through.” I blinked. I have never been complimented like this before. “Uhh… thanks?” “You’re welcome. But I hope you realize that I’m not finished. You’re not feeling alone, you’re feeling homesick.” Homesick. The words rang in my ears like a sweet song from yesteryear. I frowned as she nailed my brain with approximately twenty nails straight into my skull. “You don’t know what to believe in, Rick. You don’t believe that you’re really here. You’re waiting for the moment that you’ll wake up back home and everything will be over. Of course, every time you go to bed, you wake up in the same room, and the cycle continues.” “I…” I felt the words begin to clog my throat. She really kicked my face in with that. I miss home. I miss everything and yet I… “I kind of feel that. No, wait, I totally feel that way. I try not to think of home as much as I know I’ll get there soon but—” “Rick, you know that’s not healthy, right?” I reluctantly nodded. “I know, but I don’t want to accept that—” “You might not return home?” The words fell out of her mouth and hit me right where my blood clots. I took a shaky breath in an attempt to compose myself, but Starlight was unwavering, waiting for me to respond. I took another deep gulp of air that sent shivers down my spine. I responded in kind, “I really don’t want to think that way.” “You have to at least remember home. You know, so that way you can give yourself a good picture of it every time you remember it.” “Even if it hurts or stresses me out?” “It could, but only if you let it. I’d rather you remember your home fondly just in case you can’t go back.” I felt my heart fall out of my ass with everything I heard. My worst nightmares raced in my mind. Never going home. Never seeing mom, dad, and that little asshole next door who threw snowballs at my window every winter—I miss them. I’d even miss my college friends, who all thought that, as a collective, teepeeing the dean’s office would be a great idea. I’d miss all those times I could’ve had if I just did something, and now, possibly, I’ll never be able to see them again. I’ll never be able to redeem myself. I’ll have to stream Red without Spotify. It’s just a terrible reality that I don’t want to face. But… those words. Letting stress beat me would make me look like a fool. That noise isn’t me. I just need to suck it up and start fresh if that happens. I can’t let my circumstances kick me to the curb! I struggled through the pain, but I let my thoughts free, “I guess… I guess you’re right. So you’re saying I should not worry, but only be cognizant of it?" Starlight twirled her hoof around like that was the whole point the whole time. “Exxxxactly. Not to mention all this magic has made you even more worried. I mean, you couldn’t even trust yourself at some points, I bet.” “Yeah, judgment calls were hard to make,” I said through a weak, strained chuckle. “But I powered through.” “Yep. And I know you will again. That’s how you are, Rick. Trust me, at least. Not only have faith in yourself but have faith in us. Twilight and I won’t make the same mistake twice. There will be no more magic used around you until we’ve found a way to plug up your magic absorption, mister.” I shoved my hands up. “Okay, okay, I got you. But…” “But what? This seems pretty straightforward, right?” “Kind of. I’m still worried about how I’m going to cope with all this.” I felt the nervous tick embrace me, and I let it go wild. My thumb gently grazed the underside of my other hand, and I rubbed it slowly, hoping that I could distract myself. Unfortunately, Starlight wasn’t on the same plane of distraction. Instead, she was sailing on the S.S. Pay Attention, Maggot.  “What do you want me to do, Rick? Hold you and rock you to sleep every night?” I waved her off. “Pfft, no! You’re not my mother.” Starlight giggled at that one. “If I was your mother, that would be not only impossible, but also weird. Would you be considered a defective foal then?” I blinked, waited, and then blinked again. “Defective what? I hope not at least. And what I meant by the coping bit is to—" Starlight rolled her eyes. “Just talk to us. Tell us what’s wrong. If you don’t tell me or anypony else something, we won’t know that we had a magic misfire happen and you’re suddenly seeing Twilight trying to flap her wings like a bird and squawking—”  “This is so oddly specific. Is there a story here?” “There is, but I’ll only reward you with it when we don’t have magic using your judgment like a tornado.” “Are you saying that I won’t believe it because magic is affecting me?” Starlight nodded. “Yes. You wouldn’t believe what Twilight did to get to that point. Let’s just say it involved peas, an electric floor waxer, and two jars of moonshine.” “Right…” I let my voice trail off, my brow raised in tandem with that sudden silence. Starlight picked up on it and nudged me gently with her hoof. We laughed it off for a moment, just being happy that we understood each other. Heck, Starlight has gotten a lot cooler for doing this for me. She’s made everything feel… okay, even if I need to entertain the possibility of not going home. I’ll have friends here to support me if I have to go down that route… I sighed. “So, you want me to tell you if there’s something wrong with me?” “B-Basically. Hopefully when I get to tell you this story, you’ll laugh again with me. It’s so good.” “I bet,” I said, snickering. I smiled. “I’ll let you know if I have anything wrong with me.” “Good, because if you don’t, I’ll have to ramble to you in Equestrian, and I know how much you hate how it sounds.” “It’s not that I hate it…” “Oh? Maybe I can distract you from all this by teaching you it.” “Good, because I think you advertised that to me briefly before. When do we start?” “Probably when magic stops affecting your body most likely. We’ll have to find something for you to do in the meantime…” “Definitely,” I said in reply. “I’ll be extremely bored if you just kept me in that room again.” “Noted. Not that we intend on you being bored out of your mind. You have other friends to talk to, remember?” “Yeah, you’re right.” “Exactly. And hey, when that’s all fixed, it’ll be easier to distract yourself. I mean, maybe we could go to a restaurant or something and celebrate your no-longer-going-to-explode-into-a-million-pieces party!” “Yet again, oddly specific. Has that happened before?” Starlight shook her head but then smiled. “No, but I know Pinkie would totally name your party that. She’s a natural at naming those.” “Alright, I have no choice. Promise me that and I’ll keep myself out of harm’s way.” To my surprise, Starlight shook her head here. “I would promise you, but then I feel like Pinkie would somehow drop in and sumo slam me to the ground, only for her to tell me that I need to observe your promise by observing how to do one.” My eyes widened at that possibility. Pinkie could suplex her friend? My mind created several different MMA style arenas to showcase this, but then I realized that would be stupid and sent those outrageous ideas packing. “Okay, I’ll take your word then.” “Good, because I’m not going through that whole routine. Last time I did, I actually poked my eye and had to wash it out because some dirt got stuck in my eyelid.” “Nice. Did you blink a lot after?” “That’s for me to know and for me only. I would not want that mental trauma on your hoove—er, hands.” I chuckled. “Gotcha. Still, anything else?" Starlight frowned. “My wisdom is exhausted at the moment. Like I said, I’ve never been in your position before, but I know for a fact you’re not alone. Talk to us, and we can be your distraction for a while. We can try and verify what is actually happening around you, but it’s up to you to figure out what is true and what isn’t.  Besides, from what I know about you, you probably even know what is true and what isn’t already!" “I guess I do. I just—”  “You’re over worrying and it’s stressing you out. Magic will eat you alive if you continue to do that,” Starlight pointed out with her hoof pointing square at me. I hung my head. “I think I’ve said you’re right way too much, but it’s going to be a habit. Guess I just need to take a few chill pills.” Starlight’s eyes boggled out of her head. “You had those in your world?” I shrugged. “If you count antidepressants as chill pills, then sure! But nah, it was a figure of speech. A goofy one, but it works.” The mare looked like she was completely disappointed in my reply, but then she sighed and saw reason. “Fair. We have a few of those, but knowing your ears, they’ll sound like we’re being tortured in a back alley somewhere in Manehatten.” Did I say reason? I meant to say she wanted to torture me with that possibility. I scampered to her statement and pointed back at her. “Now you’re understanding what I’m hearing!” “⬧︎□︎❒︎❒︎⍓︎ ♓︎ ♍︎♋︎■︎ ⬧︎◻︎♏︎♋︎🙵 ♌︎♏︎⧫︎⧫︎♏︎❒︎ ⧫︎♒︎♋︎■︎ ⍓︎□︎◆︎. Hopefully that sounded like I was drowning in a pool of water.” “More like you were inhaling the entire ocean, but I digress. It still bothers me that I can talk to you guys.” “Why so?” “It just feels too good to be true. Most alien encounters I saw in movies were always where the alien did not speak English. They spoke in some other way: colors, symbols, giant floating inflatable green monsters; you name it, the movies definitely captured it.” “I mean, if they did speak English, isn’t that because the people who made the movies also spoke English?” “Of course—I mean that’s obvious.” Starlight hummed to herself, rubbing her chin with her forehoof. “Then that was what they thought would’ve worked, or rather, what would’ve made sense for the audience.” “True… And you said your wisdom was in short supply.” “Touché. I hope what I told you helped you.” “It did. Thanks, Starlight.” “No problem. Anything I can do for a friend is what matters to me! Now, do you want something else to eat before I send Rainbow Dash here?” I imagined a world where I could eat loads of bacon on top of bacon. Then I grew thirty-five pounds in my mind, and then vanished into thin air. “Sure I would like a bit of—” My mind caught up to what Starlight said and skirted to a halt. “Wait, why are you sending Rainbow Dash here?” “She’s the only other pony that I think is traumatized as much as you. I mean she was the last pony to really see you before you knocked out on the floor, remember?” “Right… I remember I was talking to her and then everything went black.” “Maybe it would be a good idea to talk to her, as she definitely remembers that differently. One moment she’s gloating about us to you, and the next you’re ‘dead’ and she’s wailing for us to help you—” My eyes widened. “Okay, yeah that’s not good. Definitely get me something to eat but bring her up something as well. Give her whatever she likes to eat too—we both need comfort food for this talk.” “I’m not your waitress, but as you wish. And don’t get used to this. I’m not going to serve you every time you faint.” I gave her a thumbs up. “I’ll try not to have a track record of nearly dying.” “You better not have a track record!” Starlight said as she turned tail and made her way towards the door. She stopped at the cart she had tossed to the side, picked out the plate, and stopped in her tracks. “Uhh, your food might be a bit cold now. We kind of lost track of how long we talked and—” I reached out and signaled with my hands to ‘hand over the precious booty’. “Gimme.” “You’re okay with—” “Yes. Nourishment is required at this very moment, and my stomach demands it.” Starlight quietly gave me my plate of food. The steam was gone, but the smell was still inviting. My mouth watered at the sight: egg, grapes, a banana, and some toast. A classic breakfast of champions. I watched as Starlight smiled at me, before she waved goodbye. I waved back but stopped myself from digging into my food. I had one more thing to say to the mare before she brought up Rainbow Dash. “Wait, Starlight!” Starlight turned around once more. “Yeah?” I gave her a cheeky grin. “Thanks.” “Thanks?” “Thank you for talking to me about that. I appreciate it.” Starlight cracked one too. “You’re welcome. Now get eating!” “Yes ma’am!” I said with a mock salute. I dug into the plate and devoured it happily. I was too focused on success to see Starlight chuckle to herself before she left the infirmary, leaving me to my own happiness.