//------------------------------// // Rock Bottom // Story: A Dazzling World // by Spyder27 //------------------------------// Chapter XV: Rock Bottom Closing my eyes, I wipe the tears away from my face as I walk down the sidewalk. She deserves better… No matter what I try to convince myself, I know this is the truth. The world deserves better. Sunset spent so much time trying to convince me that I am not the same as before. She even put that much effort into trying to convince her friends… She shouldn’t do that for a monster. A manipulative monster who dragged herself back into Sunset’s life. I never should have hurt them… I am evil… Ever since my conception, there’s always been that spark to dominate and crush the world under me. I wasn’t looking for approval from other sirens… I was trying to accept myself. I always wanted to rule the world and in the process, I hurt the one I love and her friends. I suppose even monsters can love, but the difference between monsters and people? Clenching my fist, I try to wipe the tears away before they fall down my cheek, walking through the light mist of rain. People deserve love. Monsters don’t… Again, my phone buzzes, notifying me of a text message. No matter how much I tell myself to ignore it, my mind makes me look at each one, reminding myself how much I don’t deserve what I want. There’s no room in this world for me… I don’t deserve the life where I wanted to conquer everyone and I don’t get to have the life where I just want to feel her touch one more time.  Flipping open the phone, I look at the screen and see the phone number texting me. Despite deleting the name and picture I put under the contact, I can still recognize the number as clear as day. “Adagio? Where are you? It’s been a couple hours now and you’re still not here?” A sad smile comes to my face, trying to resist the urge to turn back or type a response into my phone. “It’s alright if you decided not to come… I’m just worried about you.”  Slipping it back into my pocket, I shake my head and feel another tear slide down my cheek. I guess the cold atmosphere of the rain can perfectly hide them though, so it doesn’t matter much… It’s better for me to disappear from her life… She needs to find someone else. A better friend… It shouldn’t be that hard, given the fact that I’ve never been that great of a friend. Creatures like me don’t deserve friendship or anything more. Well, at least I don’t… Maybe others do, after they find out the true meaning of what’s wrong and right. Even Sonata and Aria deserve their happy endings. I was the one who led them to this life… I manipulated them. I was born with a cold and dead heart, right? Bringing my hands to my head, I let a few cries out, not caring if anyone else sees the pain I display. It doesn’t matter anymore. Every last shred of pride and honor has left my body at this point, letting me show my weakness as bright as the day. I’m weak for a girl with fiery hair and eyes like the ocean… I can’t be a good fit for her, so the best thing to do is leave her, isn’t it?  My body fights with itself every step of the way, walking down another alleyway with a silent sob. Using my hand to steady myself on the brick wall as I walk, I look ahead and gently walk towards the end of the alley, coughing to myself. It’s hard to not choke on your own tears or the remnants of your cries and unfortunately, I didn’t know that when I let myself start this ridiculous trend back then… Ever since that one night, I started to let myself cry more and more openly… I didn’t want this. I never wanted to be weak enough to cry, even if my life was going in a downward spiral. Maybe I should return to that spiral. Sunset doesn’t need me to ruin her life or even try to once more… I am- Feeling my feet slip on the wet concrete, my body loses its balance, quickly falling backward as my arms desperately try to catch myself. The normal panic I would feel in a situation like this isn’t anywhere to be seen. Rather, I just accept the eventual discomfort I would feel… After all, I deserve this… Within a moment, large surges of pain go spiraling throughout my spine and the back of my skull, groaning instantly afterward.  The pain in my head is thumping much harder than any time before, causing me to grip my skull with a grimace. Opening my eyes, I look up at the cold and dead sky, nothing to be seen other than gray… Raindrops fall on my face, momentarily distracting me from the pain in the back of my mind, slowly picking away at my thoughts. All this pain… It’s not even a fraction of the trauma I’ve caused everyone else in this world. “I-I… I’m sorry,” are the only words I can whisper, letting the tears flow from my eyes. I reach up slightly, as if I could touch her here and now… I never wanted to be good before… But now that I do, I realize it’s entirely too late… Slowly, turning over on my side, I push myself up off the ground, still holding onto my head as I cry silently. The ground’s slippery surface tries to drag me back down again, but thankfully, the ground turns into dirt soon. There’s a dirt path up ahead, so I won’t have to deal with this shit anymore…  Stepping onto the path, I gently rub my head, wincing at the pain. It should be over here somewhere… Shaking my head slightly, I bite my lip and try to force away the urge to let out even more tears. Looking down towards my feet, a broken smile comes to me, gently trying to grab out into the air where her hand would be…  ======================================== The sound of giggling fills our ears as we skip along the dirt path, a trail that she insisted we go to after we watched Romeo and Juliet. Sunset’s soft hand holds mine as she drags me along, the trees passing by quickly. “Slow down, okay? I don’t need you to repeat Apple Bloom’s antics,” I say with a giggle of my own, Sunset’s eyes meeting my own. Meeting my request, she eventually slows down, and walks right beside me with a chuckle.  “What? Are you not energetic today?” she asks me with a wink, bumping me slightly as we walk along the dirt path.  “I mean, you are the one who fell asleep on me and not the other way around~” My cheerful comment makes my bright summer mist cringe to herself slightly, covering her face with her hand.  “Oh, yeah. Again, I’m really sorry about that,” she mentions slowly, averting my gaze and opting to look at the trees around us. Her lips gently wrap around the edge of the coffee cup she prepared before we left, drinking it silently. She also gave me one, so I appreciate the gesture of kindness. Even the way she drinks seems so gentle. Honestly, I’m really… lucky to have a friend like her. She’s always here for me and I love talking with her. I just wish I could take her to nice places to repay her kindness. Maybe someday I can… “It’s not a problem, really,” I say slowly with a giggle to my voice. “You were… kind of cute.” I choose to omit the part where I took a picture of her in her sleep, but my comment still seems to bring a pink blush to her cheeks, her arm instantly covering them in embarrassment.  “Thanks, Adagio~ It’s… really nice to hear you say that~” Wrapping her arm around me, she gives me the best hug she can while we walk, giggling at the awkward position. “And again, thanks for watching the movie with me. It was really nice, even if I was asleep for half of it,” she states with a nervous chuckle at the end, slowly scratching her head.  “Well, it was really nice. It left us both a chance to rest after our stressful days and all. And…” Yet again, my tongue is tied… Why do I always have a problem finding the right words with her…? She’s my best friend, yet I can’t seem to bring myself to find the words I need to say. “It’s always fun to be with you, Sunset,” I slowly state, looking into her eyes for a moment longer.  For a second, Sunset’s mouth opens to say something before the sound of the ocean catches our attention, Sunset smiling at this. “Come on, it’s right this way~” ==================================================== Walking off the dirt path, I feel the unsteady sand beneath my feet once more. The sound of the ocean filling my ears as I watch the rain fall down. A defeated smile comes across my lips as I try my best to walk further into the beach, away from the imposing tree line. This is where Sunset and I walked… At least back then… It was a really nice time together. We had watched a movie just an hour before and then… I went back to the studio and fell. It all started here, didn’t it? My realization of my feelings. Every thought of love associated with Sunset Shimmer started here…  Slowly, I walk over to a decently sized rock on the beach, holding my head slightly as I sit down. My previous injury… it acted as a boost to my clingy nature, wanting to hold onto every possible moment with Sunset. The week-long sleepover only cemented my feelings for her, letting me realize just how beautiful she is, in and out. Greedily, I fell in love with her… Sighing quietly to myself, I bring my hands to my face slowly, covering my eyes from the sight of anyone else, even if I am alone on this cold beach. I suppose I should feel ashamed for… everything. Sunset deserves a better friend and someone to love… Even her friends said so themselves. After all the pain I’ve caused everyone, I don’t deserve to live in this world. Or any other world… I was given a chance to be her friend and I took it so greedily, not realizing that it’s an opportunity I took advantage of… No matter what I do, I can’t scrub my hands of the red nor my mind of the guilt. I know I’m just a monster… I never deserved a second chance. I never should have indulged in these feelings. Maybe… just maybe everyone will have a better life if I just disappear… Slowly, my hand reaches inside my purse, pulling out that same damn revolver, my other hand feeling the shiny surface. Spinning the cylinder once more, I chuckle slightly. It would be so easy to pull that trigger one more time… Just once more. My fingers expertly feel the surface, knowing how it would be the right thing to do, now that I’ve already ruined this reality enough. Isn’t that the whole goal of a siren…? To ruin the world as much as possible, not caring for the ones they hurt… My life goal is completed so easily, leaving no hint of happiness in the aftermath. A small sigh exits my lips as I return the revolver to my purse, taking my phone out instead when I hear another buzz. Again, I’m too scared to do it. My life’s ember, begging to be cut short, remains ablaze simply because I am too cowardly to do the job myself. Flipping the device open, I ignore the text as best as I can, tapping on the phone number itself. Sunset… deserves someone else. She needs to forget about me and move on already. A couple tears well up in my eyes as I hear more texts come in, going to the settings of the number itself. Don’t make this harder than it needs to be…  Finally, the tears stream down my cheeks fully, my thumb selecting the option I want quickly. As a confirmation screen appears to make sure I want to block her number, a small sob escapes my lips as I look to the ocean. It started here… It needs to end here… I’m just afraid I will always love her… With a deep breath, I hold back my cries and click accept. Maybe now they can move on…