//------------------------------// // A Cozy Talk // Story: We Don't Belong Here! // by Dark Krystal //------------------------------// “Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm……..hmmmmmmm? Hmmmmmm…HM, HM, HMMMM mhmmmmm… mhmm hm hmmmmmm.”  The sound of thoughtful hums travel through the empty hallways of the school of friendship, Anonymous, the school janitor stands with hands on his hips as looks over the freshly mopped floor. Of course it was mopped perfectly but making it look like you’re doing something when you’re very much doing jack shit is the true role of the janitor. Successfully looking like he was judging the hallway for five minutes he smiles and places his mop back into his mop bucket. “All right! Now….” Anon looks up at the clock and his smile fades. “Five more hours to go. Fuck.” Anonymous sighs and walks down the hallway with his precious fancy looking mop bucket. When Twilight told him she had a job that fitted him at the school of friendship he thought being a counselor , athletics coach, or something that wasn’t a fucking janitor. The only good think about this job was the fact he was pretty much by himself, no Sparkle to come fuck with him with question, no Glimmer sarcasm, no Spike worrying about his role as a side character in life, no issues just him, himself, and mop. Hell he even had his own room at the school, well not a liveable room but a room that only he could enter, the janitor’s closet. The best place to waste time when he had to work during school hours. As disappointing and shameful the role made him feel the job itself was very lax and almost unneeded because what kind of student would dare make a mess in the school lead by Equestria’s guardian princess of friendship. Only dumbfucks or reincarinations of the mane six like thep pillars of something and those six kids who do dumb friendship shit and bothers him. Opening the doors to the library he gazes around for any easy to see spots of trash, his eyes catching an empty bottle left on the table. “Motherfucker.” He hisses out at the sight of this crime. Walking over to the table he picks up the bottle and turns on his heel to lock onto the trash can, with the skill that rivals gods and tosses the bottle at the trash can and watches it hit the trim and fall onto the ground. He stands there, stunned at this failure before letting a sigh escape him and walking over to pick up his shame and dunk it in. “Golly!” Anon misses the trash can as he spins around, nearly falling over himself and forcing himself to catch himself on a nearby table. He looks to his left to see the pink pegasus filly smiling at him from the corner of one of the bookshelves. “Cozy, you did that on purpose didn’t you!” Anon glares at her. Cozy gives an innocent smile as she walks around the corner to him. “Maybeeee….” Cozy brings a hoof up to her lips and giggles. Anon frowns and stands himself up straight.  “Maybe? Maybe my rear, Cozy. What do I always tell you about staying after school?” He crosses his arms and glares down at her.  Cozy rolls her eyes and pouts. “That should go home instead of snooping around school because Twilight will get on your flank.” She repeats with a strong lack of enthusiasm, Anon nods his head along. “But!” She points a hoof to the man. “It’s the only time I get to see you!.” She huffs and sits on her flank with her forelegs crossed. “You’re never around during school hours….” “Cozy….” Anon sighs and puts his arms on his hips. “I’m just a lowly janitor, you shouldn’t be staying late just to talk to me.. I appreciate it but I got a job to do and you have friends or a home to go to.” “But Anon, I like hanging out with you!”  Cozy gives a genuine smile that makes Anon’s resolve to be left alone crack.  “Cozy…” “Anon…” The two stare at each other, their resolve being challenged. Cozy puts on her doe eyes and anon challenges it with a sharp glare.  She sticks her bottom lip out, he forms a mean scowl. Eventually her fluttering her little wings breaks his resolve, he groans and facepalms. “Fine, we can hang out…”  He says with a strong bitterness in his voice. Cozy breaks into a big grin and hops onto all fours. “Yay!” Anon grunts and returns to his mop bucket as Cozy follows. “Do you know if the Library has any leftover trash?” Anon looks over to Cozy who shakes her head in response.  “Alright, classrooms then.” Walking out the doors with Cozy following him he slowly walks down the hallway. Looking over to his side he watches Cozy walk beside him with a pip in her step, he really didn’t know why she liked hanging out with him or enough to stay after hours to hang out with him. He couldn’t help but feel like she had some ulterior motive, abusive parents? Maybe, vocal abuse counts since that is what most ponies will do. He closes his eyes as he tries to think of why Cozy would always hang out with him after school even after he keeps telling her not to.  “Anon?” He opens his eyes and looks down to see Cozy forward with a unreadable expression.  “Somethin’ up?” “Yeah… it’s well I wanted to ask you a question… regarding friendship.” She looks down at the ground. “Cozy. I ain’t a professor nor am I the professor type especially with… friendship of all topics.” He turns the corner of the main hallway. Eyes focusing briefly gazing out a nearby window to the castle of friendship. Ugh he really hated how Twilight started labeling stuff with “of friendship”. “Yeaaaah but..well it’s controversial and I think only you can answer it.” Anon turns to look at Cozy, his eyes meets hers as she looks at him expectantly.  “A controversial question regardin’ friendship' that only I can answer?” He pauses for a moment to think then inhales. “Alright, I’ll take your bait.”  Cozy gives a small smile.  She slowly inhales and looks away from him. “Do… Do you think friendship is a tool?” “Oh?” His eyes slightly widen and he stops all movement as he fully processes her question, slowly he brings a hand to his chin and thinks. Cozy reacts late to his sudden pause and turns around when she is two feet away from him, her face bearing some surprise to see his thoughtful expression. “Is friendship a tool…?” He mumbles to himself as he thinks, Cozy trots up to him and waits for his answer with a small smile forming on her face. After a minute or two he removes his hand away from his chin and looks at Cozy then around him to check if there were any eavesdroppers or spies from Twilight to watch him. Seeing the coast is clear he crosses his arms and looks at Cozy. “No.” Cozy mood deflated hearing that and she looks down. “But… if you want my honest and not biased opinion…” Cozy’s ears perk up and she swings her head back at Anon who has crouched down to almost her level, with a final look of his surroundings he answers. “Friendship is absolutely a tool.” Cozy’s eyes widen and she finds herself unable to stop a smile growing on her face as anon looks away, she takes a deep breath in breath speaking up. “R-really! I’m just asking because I ..um.. Well noticed that friendship is able to help ponies a lot! But Twilight and others make it seem more…relationship focus and I couldn’t help but start thinking of..w-well… bad ways to use friendship.” Anon lets out a chuckle that catches Cozy off guard, she tilts her head at him. “What's funny about that?” “Oh! It’s just… hehe. I never really expected a pony to think like a human in terms of friendship.” Cozy couldn’t help but feel a tug of pride that made her push out her small fuzzy chest out a tiny bit. “G-golly! Is that good or bad?” “Twilight and others would say it’s bad but as the one and only human in Equestria I have the right to say it’s good.” Anon gives a small smile as he stands back up and starts moving again.  “If you told tell Twilight that friendship was a tool she’d deny it and talk more about the relationship part but friendship is a tool in the end. Befriending someone is getting close to them and lowerin’ their guard so they be more open about themselves, y’know a shoulder to cry on, a buddy to hang out that type of stuff but where I come from lowerin’ your guard is one of the biggest risks you could take.” Cozy’s focus was completely on Anon as he walked beside him, nodding along with his explanation.  “A lowered guard lets you be tricked, used, manipulated. I've seen people befriend someone solely for the reason of getting close to someone in that person's friend group. Heck, back in my world leaders befriend each other solely to look good and extend their power! Not because they like each other.  Befriendin' the right people can get you into high places.” Anon points to himself and smirks. “Take me for example, I’m friends with Twilight and she got a job at one of Equestria’s most honored schools and lives at her castle. Do you think if some random per-pony asked if they could live at the castle she’d easily just let them?” Cozy shakes her head which makes him snap his fingers and point at her with a smile. “Exactly.” Cozy nodded  “Golly…Friendship sounds dangerous, Anon!” “Cause it is, Cozy.” Anon's expression fell a bit when he said that causing Cozy to almost reach a hoof to place against his leg but stops herself quickly. “Lowerin’ your guard lets you get..hurt when others abuse it. In many ways, I had my fair share of betrayals to me and betrayals to others. It's why despite what I tell you or others about  my relationship with Twilight and her friends I don’t really consider them my actual friends y’know like part of my inner circle.” Anon gazes back at the castle again, a small frown comes to his face before he shakes his head and focuses back on Cozy. “Isn’t that… using Twilight then?”  “Don’t say that. It makes me feel guilty but pretty much. Don’t tell others that.” “You can trust me Anon!” Cozy smiles and brings a hoof over her lips and makes a motion as if she was zipping them up. Anon nods in approval of her silenced lips. “Well, does that answer satisfy your curiosity enough to go home now?”  Anon moves again with his mop bucket to the west wing of the school. “Nope!” Cozy follows after him with a pip in her step. “Figures…” Anon rolls his eyes and scans the hallway for any clocks on the wall. “I do have a follow-up question now! Can I ask?”  “Hit me.” Cozy inhales once again as nervousness fills her form before she exhales. “Is friendship powerful or just power in general?” Cozy struggles to look at Anon and turns her head away. “Oh yeah! Friendship is probably one of the most powerful things to exist. With friendship you can literally end wars by befriending the enemy, turnin' wars or battles in your favor with multiple friends by your side. Friends can literally make you stronger via numbers and just general support. Honestly seeing Twilight with her friends is one of the best examples, one messed up and the rest picked them back up.”  Anon spots a clock and sees that only thirty minutes have passed, wow talking to people makes time fly fast. He stops in the middle of the hallway and decides to make time pass fast by randomly mopping. “Like I said, friends can get you into high places. Twilight’s friends with the princesses and with that she became a princess and before that she literally lived in their castle. Honestly if Twilight was anywhere else she probably would be more… normal maybe or worse. I don’t know.”  Cozy fails to hide her smile and fluttering wings. “Wow! So friendship is a really powerful tool?” Anon smiles seeing her excitement and nods. “Golly! Why would she not want to keep it for herself?”  “Cause she's too nice. I wouldn’t be surprised if another villain attacks us using a group of villains like uh.. Tirek and Chrysalis, maybe Sombra but I think he’s dead. Teaches them basic teamwork or improves their relations with each other so they can do teamwork. Hahah! I bet if that happened Equestria would be pretty screwed.” Anon doesn't see Cozy taking her notepad out of her saddle bag and writing that down with a smile. “Golly, Anon. I never thought of friendship like this…” She looks up from her notes with a smile. “Yeah, with how Twilight’s teachin’ you She expects you all to use it in I guess a good way because…. Pony culture, no offense.” Cozy giggles and waves him off. “None taken! I do wanna know though… if you could, would you use friendship to gain power or maybe take over Equestria and become a ruler, subjugate other races and build an unbreakable empire that can’t be challenged?” Anon pauses and slowly turns to Cozy and slowly blinks. Cozy gives a smile and looks up at him with sparkles in her eyes. For a minute he stares at Cozy before staring off down the hallway.  “Cozy that sounds extremely villainous and I feel like that is some foreshadowing in the future for you.” Nervousness starts to hold Cozy as her smile falters. “However, that doesn’t sound bad. Probably would work too if you have enough charisma. Ponies are pretty gullible, don’t really take kindly to other creatures like uh.. Didn’t Twilight have to deal with a guy who said no non-ponies here?” Cozy nods. “Right, so as long as it’s not an absolute dictatorship you could probably do it. I might give it a try if I get bored enough one of these days.” Cozy beamed at his explanation. “Golly Anon! You sound like you’d make a great villain!” Cozy clapped her hooves together  for the human who chuckles and rubs the back of his head. “Oh shush you. If you became a villain now you’d have a better chance than me just cause you’re a pony and you’re really young.” Cozy faintly blushes and looks away, trying to hide her face with her curly mane. “G-golly do you really think so?” Anon nods and her smile grows wider. “Mhmm, as far as I heard you’re a smart mare. Whatever you do with friendship is up to you, just know Twilight isn’t going to like it.”  Cozy nods and turns around. “I understand, Anon. I think I’m going to head home now! I have a lot to think about…” “Good, stay safe.” Anon gives her a small wave then returns to his mopping. Cozy walks around the corner and breaks her façade, Blush covering her cheeks and a grin on her face, she could help to excitedly stomp her hooves on the ground and scream inside her mind. She excitedly whispers to herself. “I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! I knew Anon was the only one who could really understand me!” Saying that only made her heart beat faster and her to laugh to herself. “I knew I wasn't the only one who saw friendship as power! “ She stops moving to look down at the floor, staring at her own smiling reflection. “Only he understands me… hehe. He really does! I knew it….” Cozy closes her eyes. “I knew it since we first met…” She slowly walks to the front doors of the school as she gives a genuine smile forward. “When I become empress , I'll make him my second no Advisor of friendship…. And maybe, someday…” She stops at the door, placing her hoof on it. “I can… We can…” She shakes her head. “No… don’t hope just yet Cozy! Start hoping after you take Equestria!” She lifts her head up with a smile on her face, opening the door she trots down the path to town.  With Anon’s advice fresh in her mind she had new plans to make if she was going to become a ruler and get her human.