Chapter Five: The Horrid History of the Apple Tree
In the library, Applejack had begun to tell her story. "Alright ya'll! Ya'll ready ta listen ta mah story?" Applejack asked. The ponies nodded. "A'right! It is said that a long time ago, in an orchard far far away..."
"Applejack! No Constellation Wars references!" said the egghead Twilight, proud to show off her egghead knowledge.
"Ya'll just hush now and listen to mah story!" an angry Applejack yelled. "Anyways, as Ah was sayin..."
"POPCORN!" Pinkie Pie blurted, making a dash for the kitchen.
"Oh, for Celestia's sake!" Applejack cried, face-hoofing. Eventually, Pinkie walked back into the main library area carrying a massive bowl of popcorn. Applejack glared at Pinkie, who was oblivious to the stare while shoving large hoof-fulls of popcorn into her mouth. Once all of them seemed content, Applejack continued to try and tell her story. "It is said that a long time ago..."
"Can we skip this part?", asked Rainbow Dash,"You already tried to do an introduction." Applejack suppressed her anger and desire to wring Dash's neck, and continued her story.
"One day, an almond farmer named Almond Shell was plantin' his trees. The government would only let him have a certain amount of trees, ya see..."
* * *
"Mister Shell."
"Just call me Almond!" Almond Shell said, bumping hooves with the official Celestia had sent to do Almond Shell's field inspection. The official seemed disgusted, looking down at his hoof, now tainted by the dirt of the farmer's field.
"I am sorry to tell you this, Almond, but all of your trees are going to be up-rooted." said the official.
"What?!" yelled Almond Shell, outraged. "What in the name of Celestia would make you want to do that?" asked Almond Shell, heart-broken.
The official shook his head. "You didn't make enough money last year, and now you are being forced to give up your property. We leased you this land so you could plant your trees and make money from your almonds. You weren't able to pay the money. So now you must move on. Go find a job doing something else, you're obviously not cut out for this almond-selling business." he said harshly, staring at Almond Shell with distaste.
"No! My family's been in the almond business for generations! I will not let my family's heritage be destroyed by the likes of you, not even Princess Celestia herself!" The official had had enough of this country pony's behavior. He had always hated everything about them: the filth on their hooves, their stupid accents, the way they were always so nice, and the way that they couldn't ever just forget about their stupid "heritage". Somepony needed to teach Almond Shell a lesson. The official glanced around the property. Nope. Nopony in sight! Let's get this over with.
"Oh yeah?" the official asked. He leaned up to Almond Shell's ear. "What are you going to do?" he asked provokingly. Almond Shell didn't fall for the trick. If he attacked first, he would surely be thrown into the Canterlot dungeons. Almond Shell just stood where he was, desperately trying to refrain from smashing this sassy Sally's face in. The official smirked.
"Good boy." he said, lightly smacking Almond Shell across the face. This managed to piss Almond Shell off even more than he thought was possible. Still, he refrained from attacking. All he did was get red in the face. Very. Very. Red. And angry. Really angry. The official laughed again. "A sissy boy, huh? I guess you won't do anything about THIS!" he said, raising a hoof up to smack Almond Shell across the face. He was wrong.
Almond Shell ducked and planted his forehooves into the ground. He then spun around and lifted his rear legs into the air. He bucked with all of his might. His hind hooves made direct contact with the official's neck. The official's shades flew off of his face, then hit the ground several feet behind him. The official's windpipe was instantly crushed under the force of Almond Shell's hooves. The official hit the ground, gasping for air. Almond Shell quickly realized what he had done, and knelt down to the dying official.
The official looked up at Almond Shell, his outlook on these farm ponies instantly changing. Unfortunately for him, he would not be around long enough to enjoy this new outlook on life. Every breath he tried to take just killed him faster. The pain in his neck was unbearable. "Oh my sweet Celestia! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to!" Almond Shell spluttered. Actually, he had meant to at the time. The agent's eyelid muscles began to grow weaker. His heartbeat grew irregular. Almond Shell had never seen death before. The intelligence and thoughts of the dying pony could be seen leaving his body as his eyes began to glaze over. He tried to take one more breath of air. The oxygen could be heard failing to pass through his larynx. Almond Shell didn't know what to do. He was now a murderer, and he was staring at his victim.
Almond Shell could just stare as the official died right before his eyes. The official's eyes now had a complete glaze over them, and some blood trickled out of his mouth. Almond Shell shakily reached his hoof out to the official's eyelids, and closed them gently. I'm so sorry, Almond Shell thought. How was he supposed to cover this up? Almond Shell suddenly got a brilliant idea. He glanced around his property. Nopony was looking. Almond Shell quickly dragged the body to a hole he had dug earlier. He dumped the body in the hole. It landed directly on top of the almond seed that Almond Shell had planted earlier.
Almond Shell quickly covered the hole up with dirt, and headed for his house.
* * *
"Tia! That was a good idea! I didn't know you could write so well!" Luna exclaimed. Celestia looked at her sister disbelievingly.
"How could I not be a good writer? I'm a thousand years old! Do you know what kind of documents and files I have to look through every day?" Celestia asked her sister.
"No I don't, actually. I just get to be the princess who sits around all day, doing nothing important! Why do you think that I'm the one who's always ignored?! Why doesn't anypony ever ask about me?! Why do all of our subjects only care about you?!" Luna asked angrily, the rage flashing in her eyes.
"Luna, shut up and eat the popcorn." Celestia told her sister. Luna obediently shoved her face into the popcorn bag. Seconds later, her face emerged covered with butter.
"Absolutely delicious, Tia! You sure you don't want any?" Luna asked, still chewing on a mouthful of the delicious food. Celestia made a disdainful face at her sister.
"Eew. After you just shoved your face in the bag? No thanks." Celestia said. The two royal alicorns looked back into the window, waiting for the part where they could intervene.
* * *
"Honey! I'm home!" called Almond Shell. His wife, Spring Blossom, came trotting out from the kitchen. She embraced him in a hug after he hung up his Stetson.
"How did it go?", Spring Blossom asked. Almond Shell's smile faded as he told his wife the story. "What?!", she asked loudly. "He tried to attack you?", she asked disbelievingly. Almond Shell nodded. Spring Blossom silently stood there for a moment, but then burst out laughing. "That's a good one, honey! That's funny!" Spring Blossom laughed. Almond Shell was silent. Spring Blossom stopped laughing. "Umm... you're serious, aren't you?" she asked. Almond Shell nodded.
"I buried him in one of the tree holes." Almond Shell told his wife. Spring Blossom was silent again.
"You know we can't get away with this, right?" Spring Blossom said.
"Yes we can!" Almond Shell said. "It's not my fault! He attacked me first!"
"Princess Celestia will send somepony to investigate." Spring Blossom said, concerned.
"We can't do much until then though." Almond Shell said, heading up to the bedroom. Almond Shell just wanted to sleep. Spring Blossom went upstairs as well, and the couple slept peacefully while they still could.
A week later, the couple was surprised to hear a knock on the door. Almond Shell got up from his recliner to answer it. "Hello?" he asked. An official stood there, looking almost identical to the deceased one that had been there a week ago.
"Good afternoon, Mr. Shell. I was sent here on behalf of Princess Celestia. This is in regards to the disappearance of an agent that was sent here to tell you about the destruction of your trees a week ago. Do you know the whereabouts of Agent Smith?" the official asked Almond Shell. So that was his name... Agent Smith.
"Nope." Almond Shell replied. "He headed off my property after he told me the unfortunate news. Has something happened to him?" Almond Shell asked. The official nodded.
"He hasn't been seen since his trip to your orchards.", the agent replied.
"That's horrible!" Almond Shell feigned disbelief. "Has there been any reports about his location?"
The official shook his head. "All we know is that he was here before he disappeared."
Almond Shell shook his head sadly. "That's tragic. Sorry to hear about that. Anything else?" he asked.
"I don't believe- Ah! Actually, there is some good news. Due to the investigation of Agent Smith's disappearance, your orchard's trees are at the bottom of our priorities list. Your trees will be left intact for another few months or so. If you manage to raise enough money by then, you might be able to pay off your lease." the official said. Almond Shell resisted the urge to jump up and down with joy. "That is all. Good day to you, Mr. Shell." With that, the official began to make his way down the almond field trail. Almond Shell smiled and shut the door.
The official strolled through Almond Shell's almond field, admiring the way the trees so gracefully danced up from the ground and blocked out the sun. There were a few smaller trees in the field that looked like they had been planted fairly recently. One was just barely starting to poke it's way up from the ground! The official continued to walk, only stopping when something caught his attention. A lone pair of sunglasses sat on the ground. The official chuckled. Did the cowpony really need sunglasses? The sun was hardly visible through the thick branches of the almond trees. The official thought about telling Almond Shell that he had dropped his sunglasses, but figured that Almond Shell would find out on his own eventually.
* * *
Meanwhile, in Agent Smith's makeshift grave...
The almond seed had sprouted, and Agent Smith's body had all but decayed. The seed's roots had wrapped around Agent Smith's heart, preserving it. The heart of Agent Smith had adjoined with the almond seed. Now, new roots had begun to grow out from his heart. A new fruit tree was born in the process.
* * *
"Sister, they are getting to the part where we are to make it rain." Celestia told her sister, who was still eating popcorn.
"Huh?" Luna asked. She was busy thinking about the castle for some reason.
"You know! The part where we make Spike do extra work..." Celestia hinted. Luna still looked confused. "Ugh! Are you sure that the moon's low gravity didn't mess with your brain?"
"I don't think so." Luna answered, looking insulted. "Actually, I think my brain is more developed than yours!" Luna said.
"How dare you?!" Celestia asked. "Of course I'm more intelligent than you!"
The two sisters continued to bicker. Back and forth. Back and forth. They were so caught up in their battle of wits that they forgot all about their story for the time being.
* * *
Almond Shell walked through his orchard, proud of all the work he had been doing over the course of the past eight months. He had managed to make quite a profit off of his almonds, but it still wouldn't be enough to pay for his lease. A few weeks ago, the spot where Agent Smith had been buried had started to sprout an odd-looking tree. A few, strange fruits had begun to grow on the tree too. Most were red, but one was green. Now the tree was pretty well developed, but Almond Shell decided to wait until the fruits fell off to harvest them. This was always a signal that the fruit was ripe.
Spring Blossom had been impregnated the night that Almond Shell had involuntarily murdered Agent Smith. They had went to the hospital earlier that morning to have the foal delivered. Almond Shell sat down under the tree. He had decided on a name for the fruit the tree was bearing. Apples. He didn't know why he chose that name, but it just sounded appealing at the time. His daughter was green, just like the largest apple. Almond Shell sat under the apple tree, pondering this years events. He closed his eyes and sighed. He had started to drift off, but was rudely awakened by a hard thunk on his head. "Ow!" Almond Shell exclaimed, opening his eyes and looking down.
The apple lay on the ground next to his right leg. Almond Shell looked down at the apple and smiled. The first apple. This was the grandmother of all the new fruits. Smith had died in this spot. He was the reason this new fruit was on this tree. Granny Smith, thought Almond Shell. His expression brightened as an idea popped into his head. "Honey! I have the perfect name for our new filly!" Almond Shell shouted, sprinting for his house. Perhaps it was time to give up his heritage. Maybe almond harvesting was a thing of the past. Maybe now, it was time for the reign of apples. The family tree would no longer be a tree of Almonds, but a tree of Apples. And it would all start with Granny Smith...
* * *
"What?!" the mares shouted in unison.
"Where did you learn that from?! Is that true?" Twilight asked.
The other mares made disgusted faces. "That better not be true!" Rainbow Dash shouted. "I don't want to think about how many dead bodies are in Applejack's orchard if that's true!"
The mares all looked at Applejack nervously. She gave them a look of pure disbelief. "If ya'll actually think Ah'd murder somepony, then Ah'll murder you." Applejack said. The ponies continued to stare at her uncomfortably. "Come on ya'll! How many ponies d'ya think live in Ponyville?! Do ya know how many trees Ah have?" Applejack asked. Rainbow Dash laughed hysterically.
"Did you guys actually think I was being serious?! Why would Applejack murder somepony?! She can't lie to us! She's the Element of Loyalty Honesty for Celestia's sake!" The other ponies began to join in the laughter. Of course Applejack would never kill anypony! Or would she?
* * *
Meanwhile, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna were finished up with their trivial little argument, and were now back at the window. "Darn it, Tia! Now look what you've done! They already finished the story!" Luna said angrily.
"My fault? Who's the one who was shoving her face into the popcorn bag like an idiot?" Celestia countered.
"Whatever, Tia. Talk to the hoof." Luna said, sticking her right forehoof into the air.
"You're soooo mature, Luna." Celestia responded. Luna continued to ignore her. "Would you get over it? We have plenty more chances to do it!" Luna still didn't acknowledge her sister. Celestia sighed.
"Whatever."