Chapter XIII: Preparation
Our embrace lasts a while longer than usual, Sunset clinging onto this hug just as much as I am. Again, I wasted her time by watching another movie with her in the middle of the night, causing her to lose more sleep than she would have had, but I suppose that’s the cost of accepting her offer. Sunset is such a kind person that she’s always willing to stay up way past four in the morning just to make you feel better, not a complaint falling out of her lips. Holding my arms around Sunset tightly, I never want to let go of her. I want to keep her safe and happy… I want to just be close to her for the rest of my life, yet I have a hard time admitting that to Sunset herself. She sees our relationship through the friendship stained lens, not detecting my own feelings of frustration and anxiety deep down in my soul.
Once more, my heart breaks slightly as Sunset pulls away from our embrace, standing up in front of the couch. “Thank you for this, Adagio~ I really needed a relaxing time with you after my stressful day,” Sunset says with a soft smile adorning her face. “Please. Stay with me,” she says softly, my heart fluttering to her statement. “I would… hate for you to go out at this hour. It would be a lot safer and warmer if you stay here than risk going back to your place.” Her face has more of a serious tone for now, making my fluttering heart sink back down, realizing her intentions behind those words.
“Yeah, I can,” I agree, knowing damn well that I am not in any shape to stay at Sunset’s apartment one more time. Just seeing her now makes my heart quiver, feeling these forbidden desires… You never should have told me I deserve love, Sunset… Now my heart has taken it quite literally. “I’ll stay on the couch.”
“Okay, but remember something for me, okay?” Sunset asks me as she grabs my hands, looking into my eyes once more, still as bright as ever despite her tired expression. “You can always come vent to me or tell me about anything that’s on your mind. That includes nightmares,” Sunset giggles with a wink, patting my head gently. “I get them sometimes too~”
No matter what I try to do, I’m hopelessly captured by those beautiful eyes, bending to her will instantly whenever she wants. What have you done to be so perfect in my eyes, Sunset…? To capture my heart so effectively, holding the key right in that kind smile… “Okay, I understand,” is all I can seem to let out without giving in to the urge to cry right then and there. All I want to do is collapse in her arms and fully let out everything that’s happened in the last few months, but if that happens, Sunset will just ditch me even faster, realizing how damned clingy I am. Once more, Sunset catches me off guard, hugging me out of nowhere and sighing into my shoulder.
“I’m glad that you can trust me, Adagio~ Have sweet dreams, okay? Maybe we can hang out more tomorrow.” Sunset’s small voice seems unsure in herself or her statement, trying to seem confident, yet revealing a nervousness in her tone. Before I can ask her what’s wrong, Sunset pulls away from me, walking down the hall to her bedroom. A slow wave of her hand signals yet another goodbye as Sunset warmly smiles to me again, mouthing the word “goodnight.” Calmly, I wave back to her, trying my best to keep my composure once more. Why do goodbyes hurt so bad? Even if they’re only temporary…
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The concrete is cold and hard, not unlike the wind blowing against my face. My hands are drenched in my own tears, resting on my lap as I weakly kneel down, tears streaming down my face the entire time. Unfortunately, the sun exposes my weak form, letting her see me for how I truly am. A pathetic sniffle comes out of me as I slowly look up to Sunset, trying to discern what her reaction is. Everything leading up to this moment has been nothing but horrible, ruining my life once more. The only thing I have left is her…
Weakly, I raise my hands up at her, desperately trying to hold the tears back and feeling the sobs work their way out of me. “S-so, that’s why I love you,” my hoarse voice weakly states, looking up into her ocean eyes once more. “You mean the world to m-me and I… I never want to lose you…” Instantly, I let my hands fall back down to my sides, my head drooping and staring directly at Sunset’s feet. No matter what I try to do, I can’t seem to bring my head up to meet her gaze. I can’t bear the overwhelming feeling of guilt hitting my soul and the shame of it all. I shouldn’t be confessing to her… I don’t deserve her… I’ve only tried to ruin her life and now my heart wants a “happily ever after” with this girl…
Sunset slowly takes a couple of steps, standing right in front of me as she brings her finger to my chin, aiming my gaze back up at her. Her cold smile and blank look greet me again and she simply giggles to herself. “Oh, Adagio~ That’s… very thoughtful of you,” she states kindly as she brings her hands to my cheeks, cupping them slightly. “It’s just… too bad that you’re not a good person.” Her hand instantly throws me down to the ground, Sunset standing up and dusting herself off with a smile. “Adagio, what seriously made you think I EVER wanted to hear that?” Sunset’s tone turns from one of amusement to disgust as I slowly pull myself off the ground, looking up at her with my tear-filled eyes. “I just wanted to be friends once upon a time, but it seems I was wrong for even accepting this… You are just as greedy and evil as before.” Her words hit me like a ton of bricks, finally breaking down and letting all of my sobs out onto the concrete sidewalk below me. “I would never want to be with someone who tried to ruin my life and my friends’ lives. I don’t know why you thought I would, but I don’t, Adagio.” My breathing is unsteady and I can’t seem to take a full breath in without choking on one of my sobs. Sunset sighs to herself as she walks closer to me, crouching down next to me. “You haven’t changed at all… It was a mistake to become your friend in the first place, Adagio,” she states in a whisper, standing up and turning away from me as she walks down the sidewalk. “Don’t ever consider us friends anymore, Adagio. I’m done.”
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Tossing onto my right side, I slowly groan, rubbing my eyes open to look at the dark room around me. It’s so goddamn annoying… Nightmares usually plague my sleep, but not this bad. I swear I’ve had three alone tonight. Maybe it’s due to the migraines or my sore thighs from all the walking I did yesterday… Slowly, I bring my hand to my face, sighing deeply and looking up at the ceiling. Shadows in the room make the ceiling look like a canvas of messy art, like one of those paintings that are meant to convey a thousand different messages at once. Who am I kidding…? The only reason I keep having nightmares anymore is due to the ache in my heart… I just want to hug her again and tell her how much I love being her friend. How much I love her…
Life is such a tricky thing… Why do these emotions have to be so confusing? Maybe it’s because I’ve never felt them before… I’ve always been so self centered and focused on my own goals, barely paying attention to the ones I called sisters back then. Everyone served as a pawn, moving me up the metaphorical ladder of life. Even Sunset was… It hurts to think of her in that way now… Sunset means the world to me and I… I don’t want to live without her anymore.
The worst part about these feelings is that I won’t be able to pull that trigger if she rejects me. I know Sunset would just blame herself once more. I don’t want to live without Sunset… she brings so much meaning into my life and I only wish to do the same for her, but I have to keep going afterward. Not only to keep her happy, but to honor her message that I can be happy too. In that sense, I suppose it doesn’t make any sense why I still have the revolver in my purse…
The funny thing is that I never cease to think about her happiness. Even when thinking about the possible end to our friendship, I can’t stop thinking about doing what’s best for her happiness, even if it means I’m not happy… Maybe she just means that much to me… As much as I hate the thought of Sunset and I… not being friends anymore, a small part of me hopes that maybe the outcome will be something different. I mean, Sunset isn’t heartless, so maybe she will forgive me for… falling for her? Sighing to myself, I slowly sit up looking around Sunset’s living room. Bringing my hand to my head, I scratch gently, trying to make an itch go away from the back of my head. Well, I suppose that’s not the whole truth… I sometimes like to imagine it’s Sunset’s hand once more, just like our week long sleepover a bit ago.
Standing up from the couch, I quietly stretch to myself, finally reaching down to pull my jeans on. It feels weird to be oddly warm at this time of the night since my heater would have quit working long ago. Shaking my head, I yawn slightly, bringing my hand to my mouth before walking away from the couch. I don’t know why I feel compelled to walk this way, but I try not to think about it as I reach Sunset’s door, gently opening it and peering inside. A part of me feels bad for intruding on her personal space at such a late time in the night, but another part of me just wants to see her one more time before I leave. I have a big day tomorrow with Apple Bloom, but I still feel bad for ditching Sunset like this… Though, I suppose it’s to help me confess my feelings to her. To finally tell her the truth…
A smile appears on my face as I see Sunset’s peaceful look as she sleeps in her bed, the blanket tightly wrapped around her to keep her warm. I can’t help but feel myself melt inside from this sight, the sight of pure innocence on her face as she dreams of sheep. Perhaps she’s actually dreaming about friendship~ Maybe… about us…?
Slowly, I start to close her door, regretting for this moment to end. I promise we’ll watch movies together one more time before I… ruin things… Before I can think about anything else though, a slight squeak startles me as the door almost shuts. My hand all but throws the door away from me, my expression being one of embarrassment and surprise. By the time I come to my senses, I see Sunset shift in her sleep, turning a bit and opening her eyes slightly. Her gaze is instantly directed at me and her tired expression disappears from her face, being replaced with one of concern.
“Adagio…? I-is something wrong?” she asks in a groggy voice as she sits up, looking at me with a concerned gaze. Her hands slowly rub her eyes and I finally see her pajamas with a fire pattern. She looks… really cute.
“N-no, I um… I just wanted to tell you bye and all,” I state nervously, averting my own gaze from hers. Trying to preserve my pride, I hold my hand to my cheek to avoid her seeing my blush, even if it is dark in here. Slowly, Sunset leans in her bed, looking at me with a more observant look than before as she fully wakes up.
“Bye? Are you leaving?” Sunset asks in a worried tone, beckoning me over to her side. A small sigh escapes my lips as I walk over and sit down beside her, keeping my gaze away.
“Yeah, I um… I just thought I should go and all. It was really fun and-” before I can finish my sentence, Sunset’s arms wrap around me, pulling me into her warm embrace. Her whisper slowly shushes me as she holds me close to her, rocking back and forth slightly.
“Was it the nightmares again?” she asks as quietly and warmly as ever, her hand gently rubbing the back of my head. Her warm body pressed against mine… Her soft hair. And of course, her ever so kind personality. Why do you do this to me, Sunset…? Why do you treat me so kindly and make me want to be with you so much…?
Slowly, a couple tears form in my eyes, gently exploring my cheeks as I nod, wrapping my arms around her and sighing. “I-it’s the… nightmares,” I lie to her again, fearing what she may think if she hears the truth.
“Hey, hey~ It’s alright to cry~ Shh. It’s alright. I’m here, I’m here,” her lips gently whisper into my ear, holding onto me tighter. “Nightmares aren’t fun, I know. But I will always be here for you~ You’re one of my best friends, Adagio~” The floodgates are finally cracked open and I can’t help but stain Sunset’s shoulder with my tears, desperately holding onto her. That word hurts so much now… You mean so much to me and I never want to lose you… It makes me so scared to think that we may not… talk again if I admit my feelings for her. This harmless love turns out to damage us both more than I can imagine. Sunset is just my friend and I… I’m taking advantage of that to make myself feel good… I’ve taken in too much of this friendship, becoming drunk on the feeling of seeing her happy and our laughs together. I’m really sorry, Sunset…
Slowly, Sunset’s arm reaches over me and pulls the blanket over us, holding onto me just as tightly as before. “You know, one of the best ways to get rid of nightmares is to be near someone you care about,” Sunset says with a caring whisper. “One time, I had a really bad nightmare about… my own past. It was at a sleepover and the girls found out. Everyone came and slept in my room. Pinkie Pie even slept in my bed with me.” With a small breath, Sunset’s hand moves to my face and moves my hair slightly, rubbing my cheek with a smile. “I didn’t have any more nightmares that night, so, please don’t leave yet,” Sunset pleads, looking directly into my eyes. “I want to help you if I can~ So, how about you try sleeping here, okay? Maybe being close to a friend will help you sleep better~” Her statement comes off just as cute as ever, her pure innocence not meant to be cute. If I had any sort of backbone, I would be able to reject her offer, but this time, I just want to accept it… Maybe it’s because of my cries and the sad thoughts in my mind. Or maybe it’s because I’m tired, but either way, a slow nod comes from me.
“Great~” Sunset says as she lays down on the bed, pulling me into her warm embrace with a smile. Our cuddle makes my heart feel warmer than it has been all day, making me think that maybe my heart isn’t dead after all. Wrapping my arms around her as well, I can’t help but wish for this to never end. You mean so much to me, Sunset…
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Apple Bloom excitedly drags me past multiple trees, possibly too excited for her own good. Maybe it was a mistake to tell her about my night with Sunset, but regardless, Apple Bloom seemed to think that it was a good thing for my confession. “Specifically, it means she’s close enough to you to enjoy cuddling with you, so she may be more likely to accept your confession than you think,” Apple Bloom excitedly states as we practically run through this apple orchard. I don’t try to question Apple Bloom’s judgment, but my mind still tells me that Sunset accepting a confession from me is a long shot…
“Apple Bloom, it’s not likely… I’m trying to not hold out hope for something that is extremely unlikely to happen,” I state as I try to catch my breath, holding onto my scarf.
“But you have to take that chance! It’s better to know the answer than to always be left asking yourself what would happen. That and it’s better to be true to yourself. Trust me,” she says with a smile, expertly weaving past the trees again. “I… I know it’s easy for me to say, considering I’m not in your situation, but I honestly think there’s a good chance she will accept you and your feelings, Adagio.” Again, Apple Bloom tries to comfort me as we run further into the orchard. Taking a deep breath and clutching onto my scarf, I close my eyes and instantly jump off the ground. Feeling Apple Bloom jump too, I can tell we jumped over the same ditch as before. I feel a bit happy that I remember where it is, considering how bad I hit my head not even two weeks ago. Apple Bloom’s hand is still clutching onto my arm, even after we land. A small sense of deja vu creeps onto me, reminding me of a time only a few weeks ago. Taking a deep breath, Apple Bloom again pulls me in the direction of the club house, clearly excited to tell her friends about the news.
“Can I count on you to not be too excited about this?” I ask shakily, out of breath as we run along. It’s funny that the young farm girl hasn’t had a single drop of sweat yet, despite the distance we’ve traveled so far. Apple Bloom’s eyes look behind her and meet my gaze, nodding as enthusiastically as a dog waiting for a treat. It’s a bit ironic that I would have called her that a few months back as an insult, but now, it’s more of a compliment.
“Yeah! I won’t be too excited! But I can’t guarantee the girls won’t,” Apple Bloom nervously giggles as we finally run into the clearing with the clubhouse in the middle. Perhaps it’s just my anxiety creeping back on me, but I feel like I will end up embarrassed by this whole endeavor. Nonetheless, Apple Bloom really wants to help me once more, so I figure I owe her the benefit of the doubt, especially after being gone so long. It’s almost ironic how similar our situation is, considering I need her help again and she’s all too eager to offer it. I really am a mess, aren’t I? I step all over myself at this point. Hopefully, I can try to fix that later.
Before I can say another thing, I see Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle wave from the clubhouse, seemingly confused about why I was here. Despite their curiosity, Scootaloo calls out to me, “Hey, Adagio! How are you feeling?” Sweetie Belle tries to stop Scootaloo from yelling, but it’s fruitless considering how determined she is. I think that’s a trait shared between all three of them.
“I’m feeling alright,” I slightly yell back, giggling to myself that I now spent my days talking with kids and trying to confess to a fiery summer mist. Slowly, Apple Bloom stops me a good distance away from the clubhouse and runs up to the girls, ushering them inside for the inevitable news. Honestly, I feel a bit tempted to climb up to the clubhouse as well, but I know that it isn’t my own space. A chuckle comes from my lips as I walk towards the table sitting next to the garden. Sunset is right about Apple Bloom and her friends. They sure are determined. Three little dreamers trying to help a broken soul like me. I would tell them that they’re drastically over their heads in this issue, but I know they wouldn’t listen. Sitting down at the table and feeling the soft scarf around my neck. It’s the beginning of February and I honestly can’t believe it. Sunset and I have been friends for more than a month now. And my life changed forever close to two months ago… I never thought I needed friends, but here I am, desperately trying to spend as much time with Sunset, while looking forward to my daily talks with Rainbow Dash during lunch breaks. I even look forward to texting with Apple Bloom and seeing her reactions to my life. I do admit, it is a bit funny to see Apple Bloom rant about her life or show me “cool” things she found, such as a rusty bucket or an old toy sword. At least, she says she found them, but Apple Bloom does have a tendency to find things around the city and use them to make the CMC’s hideout cooler.
I open my eyes suddenly as I hear excited gasps come from the clubhouse, followed by what sounds like Scootaloo yelling incomprehensibly with Sweetie Belle joining in. Finally, they settle down enough for me to hear Scootaloo yell, “Really?! I called it?!” with Sweetie Belle running to the window and looking out at me. Our eyes lock together and her sheepish grin takes hold before she shuts the window’s blinders. More yelling can be heard from the treehouse, but now it’s too faint to tell what they are all saying. Though, I suppose it is a private conversation, so I shouldn’t be trying to eavesdrop anyway.
Suddenly, my phone buzzes inside my pocket, causing me to reach inside to grab it. Flipping it open, I instantly see the picture of Sunset sleeping on my shoulder from all that time ago. It is one of the best memories I have from my life over the past year, making me smile every time I see my phone’s background. Maybe I should have asked for permission to set her as my background. Not to mention take a picture of her. She was just too cute to resist, in my opinion. After another moment of looking at the background, I look at the notification to see a message from Sunset. My heart feels warm to see her icon on my screen, beating faster than before.
“Hey, Adagio~ I was wondering how it’s going? You said you were hanging out with Apple Bloom today, right? What are you two doing? I hope it’s going well~” her text states, unsure if she will get a response or not. A chuckle comes from my lips, letting my nervous mind express my feelings clearly.
“We’re working on a scavenger hunt. Pretty exciting stuff. I owed Apple Bloom, so I thought I would help her out,” I text her back quickly. My response is a lie again, which seems to happen a lot now. I don’t lie because I want to hurt her… It’s actually the opposite. “What are you doing today?” I ask innocently, looking at the screen for her response.
“Well, I was thinking about playing a few video games after I get home from my internship,” Sunset’s text says within a moment after my message. “It would be a lot of fun playing a video game with you if you would like that sometime? Oh! I was also meaning to tell you before you left, but I found out I won a scholarship! It’s the Filthy Rich scholarship. I don’t quite remember applying for it though.” An odd smile takes hold of my face, feeling unsure of whether to be happy or sad about her response. On one hand, Sunset is proud of herself for winning the scholarship, thinking she won it by herself, but I also feel bad for the lie. I suppose it doesn’t matter as long as she benefits, right? I would do anything for her, so I suppose a white lie wouldn’t hurt…
“Great job! I knew you could do it~” I type quickly into my phone’s keys. Sending the message, I begin to type another message instantly after. “See? You’re so worried about ending up in debt for school, but here you are, earning scholarships~”
It takes a moment before Sunset begins to type once more, making me feel a little insecure about what I said. “Thank you so much, Adagio. Seriously. For being here for me and being my friend. The girls don’t really understand how big this is for me, considering I didn’t really have a record before high school. It’s really hard, you know?” Her words hit me hard in a particular way, resonating with my previous struggles. Slowly, I nod to myself as if Sunset could see my physical assurance.
“Yeah, I know how it feels. But it’s no problem. We’re friends, right?” I try to type my message in a sarcastic tone, but an underlying tone of seriousness is still present.
“Of course we are~ We’re friends forever~ Especially now that you’ve worked so hard to become a better person.” Before I can try and respond to Sunset’s message, I hear the door to the CMC’s clubhouse open up and multiple footsteps walking down their staircase towards the ground.
With a sigh, I slowly type into my phone, “Sorry. I have to go now. Apple Bloom is back now.” Quickly, I slide my phone back into my pocket, despite the buzzing of a new message. Sunset probably texted to tell me goodbye, but I can’t afford to respond to her. Looking up from the table, my eyes meet the three girls walking up to me with a smile. Scootaloo's is especially curious and humorous.
“So, um… Adagio~” Scootaloo states, trying to think of what to say. “Apple Bloom told us what happened and all~ And um… Is it true? Can sirens actually fall in love?” Scootaloo asks plainly and quickly, Sweetie Belle quickly covering her mouth and shushing her.
“I-I’m so sorry about her! We mean we’re happy for you! And that um… we would love to help you~ It’s our promise as the Cutie Mark Crusaders~” Sweetie Belle’s statement is much more thought out than Scootaloo’s, clearly displaying the empathy in her voice. Despite how close the friends are, it’s clear these two are still nervous about what to say around me. I suppose that’s due to how much Apple Bloom and I have been together. Hopefully, they will become more comfortable around me sooner or later.
“Yes, Scootaloo. Sirens can indeed fall in love. Believe me, even I didn’t know that it was possible a while ago,” I quietly state, chuckling at first. “I understand your curiosity though. Ask me whatever you want and I’ll tell you what you want to know about siren culture~ Though, I can’t guarantee that the answers will be ones you’re looking for.” Scootaloo’s eyes instantly go wide, hearing the possibility to learn more about sirens. Sweetie Belle, who also looks intrigued, lets go of Scootaloo and smiles nervously.
“Well, do sirens like makeovers?” Sweetie Belle asks me with an awkward look, seemingly nervous in herself.
“Makeovers…?”
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It has been more than two hours and we’ve tried everything… Multiple pep talks from Scootaloo, makeovers from Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom reading advice columns from teen magazines. Nothing has worked so far. Again, Sweetie Belle is messing with my hair as I sit in front of a mirror. The other two girls pace back and forth behind the chair, Apple Bloom’s eyes intently looking at one of her last magazines with a pen in her hand.
“Okay, we’ve established that ya don’t like the ‘hard to get’ approach. And ya don’t want to do some big romantic gesture,” Apple Bloom states as she paces perpendicularly from Scootaloo’s pace.
“And you don’t want to try and impress her with cool tricks,” Scootaloo states right after Apple Bloom, tracing the ground with her eyes as she walks.
“And you don’t want your hair straightened either,” Sweetie Belle chips in as she intently works on my hair. As she says this, the other two stop pacing and look at her with a confused tone in their eyes.
“Um, Sweetie Belle? I don’t think her hair choice is the biggest problem here,” Scootaloo says in an uncharacteristically serious tone.
“I know! I just want her to look her best.” Sweetie Belle’s retort is understood by the other two as I raise my hand to stop Sweetie Belle.
“Wait. Stop,” I briefly whisper as I stare into the mirror, looking at the curls in my hair while remaining long enough to touch the middle of my back. “I like that.” My statement confuses Sweetie Belle at first, before she comes around the chair to look at me face-to-face.
“Like this? Well, I can make it work. I’ll need some product to keep it in place though.” Her expression tells me her thoughts as she nervously looks at my hair. “Are you sure? It’s good and all, I just thought you wanted it all made up for your confession.” Technically, today is all about practicing for the real thing, but Sweetie Belle still takes it as seriously as she can. Clearly, the three girls care enough to try their best to make this perfect for me.
With a nod, Sweetie Belle picks up a brush slightly and brushes a few strands out of my face. “I don’t want to be extremely made up. I want to be genuine with her. It’s best if I look as normal as possible,” I state with a relaxed sigh, letting Sweetie Belle do her work.
“I got it!” Apple Bloom yells, startling everyone else in the room in the process. A confused glare comes from all three of us as Apple Bloom furiously scribbles into the margins of a magazine, a wide smile encompassing her face. “Ya don’t want to do something really big, but you want to be alone with her. How about Valentine’s Day?” she asks with a noticeably big grin. Instantly Scootaloo’s mouth widens into a grin as well, giving Apple Bloom a high five. “Think about it~ Even if Sunset cancels, it’s a particularly romantic time of the year, so you could still take her out a couple days before or after while achieving the same effect~” Apple Bloom’s enthusiasm is nice to see and I can’t help but admit it’s a good idea.
Scootaloo practically squeals, finally saying, “Yeah! You can get all dressed up and take her stargazing! Both of you would be alone-”
“In the embrace of the night~” Sweetie Belle interjects, finally finishing my hair. All three girls look at me in anticipation as I glance at myself in the mirror, my hair slightly curlier than before. Not too much change. The only thing that could make it better is a bit of lipstick to compliment the look. A slow chuckle comes from my lips as I meet their gaze.
“I like your style, girls~”