Fluttershy’s Star

by Marina Stars


You Will Find Her There

Deep in a peaceful meadow, underneath the hanging branches of a weeping willow tree one ancient being sat still as the night around him.

If she hadn't known better, she might have mistaken him for a stone statue, nothing more than a twisted gargoyle cold and lifeless. 

But the Princess of Equestria did know better. She knew despite what he wanted the world to believe, the lord of chaos was still there, still breathing, still alive. 

And he hadn't moved from that spot in days. 

His ears flicked almost imperceptibly at hearing her hoofsteps. As it was, he had been so still even the slightest change was easily spotted. But he didn't turn to face her. How could he? 

She almost wondered if she was ready to face him. 

Still she approached her hooves barely making a sound against the soft summer grass. 

"Mind if I join you?"

His response was a simple shrug. "If you must,"

So… she did, very simply, sit herself on the grass next to him, only facing the opposite direction. 

While he sat facing the trunk of the tree where a beautifully carved memorial rest on top of freshly disturbed ground, she sat facing the outside world, looking past the night sky to the stars. 

She sat in contemplative silence for a while longer with him but, despite their immortal nature, knew she didn't not have infinite time to sit like this and wait for him to speak. 

She'd made a promise, and if she didn't follow through, well, What kind of a friend would she be?

"So," she drawled a moment, seeing his ears flick again, "this is how you've been spending your days?"

"I'm hoping if I can sit calmly long enough I can quietly disappear into oblivion." The dull, even, sadness of his voice surprised him, perhaps more than it surprised the princess. "No pain. No suffering. Just poof and I'm gone."

Had he ever told her of that side effect to normality? It had been so many years, he could scarcely remember who knew what. 

Still she responded with dry sarcasm, "How's that working out for you?"

And his bitter chuckle was the closest he'd come to laughing in days, "No matter how I fight to silence them, my thoughts are swirling in chaotic madness. I can't calm them, and until I do, the very chaos of my own thoughts is what perpetuates my misery."

"Discord, I know this is hard-"

"Hard." He snapped, suddenly more hostile to his visitor, even if he didn't intend it, "Hard doesn't even begin to describe it. Loosing a friend is hard, highness. Sure, even losing five is hard. But losing your very heart and soul, your brightest light in the darkness like pitch, even your very reason to live and breath and take up space in an otherwise bleak and hopeless world…. That is beyond words, more unbearable than the worst torment in all of Tarturus. Hard does not even begin to describe it"

Silence.

She knew it came from a place of heartache, that this was all part of his grief. That's why she had come in the first place: to try and amend some of that grief. To help him heal, even just a little.

"You've really been thinking about this, haven't you?"

A Pause.

 "Yes."

Half a week in motionless solitude certainly give him time.

"Discord?"

"What?"

"Have you-" it might have been a silly question. He hadn't looked away from the memorial since she'd arrived. She couldn't imagine he looked away when there was no reason to do so. Still she asked, "well, have you looked at the night sky since-" 

"The Willow doesn't block out everything."

"Sure," that wasn't what she meant, "but have you really looked. Not just glanced, or stared blankly past the branches of this willow but searched and seen?"

At first he couldn't answer. Truthfully, he couldn't bear to. Not since… not since he lost her. But he was Discord, and despite years of working on this, he still put up a mask and hid some of his hurt, silencing the more heartbreaking truths.

"No. Why do you ask?"

Instead of responding, the princess stood, extending a hoof towards him; one undecorated by royal horseshoes. Now that he looked at her, really looked at her, he found her without royal vestments, no decorative armor,  no crown. No shred of evidence nor hint of her royal status… besides her wings, but she'd had those most of their oddly unique friendship.

Right now, she wasn't the princess of Equestria, not the commander of the sun, moon, and stars, not the bringer of peace and harmony the ponies adored. Right now she was simply Twilight Sparkle. 

Did she know how powerful that simple gesture was?

It brought him back to a time when she, like him, was still learning, albeit she was much farther along on her journey. Back then life was simpler, when he could forget his endless nature and just be. Before she became the ruler, before she had duties and obligations that pulled her in every direction. 

She had a job in the night, a part to play as Luna once had. But she'd stepped down for one evening... just for him.

For a moment they weren't two immortal beings who'd outlasted the ones they loved, they were simply two strange beings. Unlikely friends. 

He missed the days when that was the norm.

Perhaps that's why he accepted her hoof and let her guide him from the safety of the willow tree, into the vastness of the night. 

"Follow me," she whispered, taking off into the sky.

Curious, he obeyed, following her beyond the reach of city lights. Though he carefully followed, he could not bring himself to look at the night sky. He couldn't find the will to look up at the stars. He didn't know how long they flew, his mind was far too preoccupied to keep track, but when they stopped it was safe to say they were in the middle of nowhere. 

Twilight drifted to sit on one of the clouds, Discord following closely behind, facing her with questioning eyes.

"I wanted to show you something," she admitted sheepishly, every bit the awkward mare she'd been when they met. "And don't worry,, you can see it from the cottage but… I wanted you to have the best view tonight."

Discord watched as Twilight took a shaky breath, and for the first time that night she seemed nervous. Her calm sincerity shifted to a sadness similar to his own, and a great amount of hesitation. 

What was she up to? 

She braced herself, flopping backwards onto the cloud rather unexpectedly and when she opened her eyes, he could see thousands of stars reflected in them.

How many times had he done this with Fluttershy? How often had they watched the galaxies together? It had only been a few days but he missed seeing the stars in her eyes, he missed the wonder she always held, no matter how many times he'd shown her a pure sky.

He missed her. 

"Don't just sit there and let me do this alone, Discord." Twilight's voice drew him back to the moment as she gently pleaded with him,, "Look at the sky, please,"

He was suddenly all too aware of his ragged breaths, the hot tears in his eyes, and the clenching in his heart as if bound by an iron grip. 

It hurt too much.

Every reminder of her hurt. Why? Why must it be this way?

"I… can't,"

"Please." Twilight begged again, "For her"

Along with the sparkling of the stars, her eyes glazed over with tears, he could hear how hard it was for her to speak. He'd heard it over and over with the others when they passed, but somehow this felt a little more tender. Perhaps it was the two of them together, feeding off of each others heartache?

"She wanted you to see this."

He couldn't speak. He couldn't agree or deny or find the words for anything. And yet, the very words Twilight pleaded with tugged at his heart enough to convince him. 

Do it for Fluttershy.

He, like Twilight, braced himself with a shaky breath before flopping backwards onto the cloud. He'd done the first step. Now all he had to do was open his eyes. 

But his eyes were clenched shut, leaking with a new round of tears. It was a wonder he had any tears left to cry. Who knew it would hurt like this? Who knew saying goodbye would be so devastating.

"Discord…?"

He took another deep breath and forced his eyes open. 

Before him were all the magnificent lights of the cosmos, all the glories of the endless universe. A million little stars glimmering like fireflies in the vast blackness of space. There were so, so many. In an ever expanding Equestria, it was rare to find a corner of the sky like this, dark enough to see all these stars. 

It filled his heart with wonder and sorrow and pain. Everything in him ached at the reminder of all the nights he and his late wife had spent under the canopy of the sky. 

But… There was something different about this sky. Something new. Something that caught his attention and made him look twice.

Amidst all the shining lights there was a new star glowing brightly, twinkling almost hopefully. It may have been his eyes tricking him, but he could have sworn it glowed with a calming pink light. He'd never seen that star before, nor any like it.

"Where did it come from?" He rasped, eyes fixating on that one star. Was that what she wanted him to see? Was that why she'd brought him here?

"Fluttershy knew that losing her would be more than hard on you. So… she came to me and asked if I could make a star just for the two of you. It took some work to get it right… I've never even made a star before…" She said in bewilderment of the memory, and the task that had been placed before her, "but we made it work."

And because she knew he'd be interested, she shared the most important tidbit of knowledge she had of this star. "The magic was tricky but I managed to tie a piece of her to that star. When she passed, that piece of her spirit lit it for all to see. But- and she wanted be to be sure you know this- that star shines just for you, Discord."

He was speechless. 

Of all the crazy wonderful things his mare had done in all her years of life (no matter how fleeting they seemed in the eyes of an immortal) this was… spectacular.

"For me?" He struggled to whisper in awe, tears starting anew in his eyes.

"She knew she wanted to leave something behind, to remind you of your love. I know you guys loved to watch the stars together."

"It made the world seem so small and the moments last forever," he replied breathlessly. His aching heart beat a little faster, a little more alive.

It could never replace the joy of having her at his side, or the beautiful sound of her voice, but… it could help take an edge off the pain, knowing he could see her in some small way. 

"I wish I'd done it for all of them." Twilight sighed, "I hadn't thought of it before. But I guess it makes it more special this way."

"She's amazing," he said so lovingly that Twilight couldn't help but look away from the sky to see him. Discord's smile was sad and broken but hopeful. It was like he was feeling every emotion at once, and she was pretty sure she was too.

She was just glad she could experience this moment with him. Because even through the pain there was a sense of wonder at the last gesture she'd made. Theirs was truly a love like no other.

She didn't know what possessed her to do so but Twilight placed a hoof on his shoulder, and began singing softly to him,

"I know you feel alone but 
we are here beside you,"

He only briefly glanced away from Flutershys star to aknowledge Twilight before they once again turned their eyes heavenward.

"She left a star up in the sky so she could guide you,
And you will see her in your dreams.
For Fluttershy is closer than she seems."

His paw reached over to rest atop Twilight's hoof, giving it a thankful squeeze.

"When your feet don't touch the ground. And your voice won't make a sound. 
You'll be safe in this place 
Above the clouds."

As if all the hope she'd given him wasn't enough, she was ready to leave him with one final lesson. Just a sliver of wisdom for him to use as he pleased.

"Just try to remember all the things she taught you. 
You made her proud to be alive, how she adored you.
And I can see her in your eyes.
She'll always be there by your side."

"When your feet won't touch the ground,
And your world's turned upside down,
You can fly to the sky
Above the clouds"

"When your feet don't touch the earth
You won't feel the things that hurt
Keep your faith and in time
You will spread your wings and fly."

The last notes rang out through the calm night and she was pretty certain he was bawling at that point. Hot ugly, non-theatricized tears.

"It hurts,"

"I know Discord. I know," She couldn't say it would ever stop hurting. But she could hoe time eased the pain. She prayed the wounds would scar over and that they could carry on.

Fluttershy's star would be a constant reminder to him to savor every friendship, fulfill every moment. She'd continue to light ponies' lives for centuries to come. So long as their love endured, Fluttershy and Discord would always be together, even when separated by the veil of death.

Truly theirs was a love like no other.