//------------------------------//
// You're Worse than My Brother 
// Story: Ernest Saves Equestria 
// by Emerald Harp 
//------------------------------//

Spitfire tucked herself behind tufts of cloud and glared down at the idle host of trolls.  Even from a mile high she could see the enormous army preparing itself for battle underneath the thick canopy of the Everfree Forest.  It would not be long until this host would begin to move.  She checked the skies above the horde.  Great squadrons of winged trolls patrolled the airspace of the army and were keeping a close eye on the ground searching the forest floor.  

The Wonderbolt smiled.  You didn’t bottle up all the pegasi in town, she thought.  Spitfire looked to the north and east, and there it was, a purplish stain on the horizon.  The Tree of Harmony.  The tree was so polluted with evil that its aura could be seen for miles in any direction.  Spitfire’s lip curled in distaste.  All this sneaking around in the clouds was wearing on her nerves.  All it would take is for one troll to fly up here and see them, and the game was up.  It hadn’t happened yet, but that didn’t mean it couldn’t.  She put her pair of binoculars back into her wingsuit and turned to the rest of her squad.  There were six Wonderbolts including herself, Zecora, and a chariot.  In the chariot were the zebra’s potions and a suitcase full of dolls.  The flier sighed.  She could have done without the vehicle, but it was the best way to carry a non-flying pony.  This mission would have been impossible without Zecora. 

Spitfire thought back to that meeting in Twilight Sparkle’s hospital room when the Princess had awoken to Ernest tearing paper.  She smiled at the thought; that was one way to wake up an egg-head.  She had thought the human crazy for going up there on the roof of the hospital.  She still thought it had been an insanely stupid stunt even by Wonderbolt standards, but the idea had worked even though the crazy alien had almost died.  Her hooves still ached from hammering on his chest for a full minute trying to bring him back to life.  She was pretty sure she had broken a couple of the human’s ribs, but Ernest didn’t seem to mind.  The human was made of tough stuff.  And when the Tantibus had been beaten, Ernest had approached her and thanked her for saving his life.  The creature had even given her a jar of authentic Bulgarian Miac . . . whatever that was.  She pitched the stuff after taking a whiff of it.  During the meeting she had listened to the plotting and planning that was above her pay grade.  When she had heard her marching orders, she had grimly accepted her task.  It sounded like they wanted her and her best flyers to go on a suicide mission.  There were simply too many trolls in the air surrounding the town to break out.  And even if she and her ponies could, the second the Wonderbolts moved toward the Tree of Harmony, the trolls would teleport back to their base.  That was when Zecora had told her about the wonder oil that bent light around whatever the stuff touched . . . or something like that.  The zebra was hard to follow in the best of times, but when she was trying to explain magic and science at once Spitfire just tuned her out.  The only hitch was she didn’t have that much of the stuff, just enough for a one-way trip.  “Good enough,” Spitfire had said.  

Afterwards herself, Zecora, and five other hoof-picked members of the Wonderbolts were dismissed to prepare for their mission.  Luna and the human alien went to rescue Shining Armor and had returned not only with the Prince but with a wooden troll.  That had created quite a stir with everypony, but if Luna vouched for the thing then who was she to judge?  Besides, she had her own fish to fry.  After Princess Luna had returned, the alicorn had sequestered herself with five dolls in one of the operating rooms of Ponyville hospital.  When she had emerged from her labors, she had called a final briefing of the Wonderbolts and Zecora.  At that meeting she presented the suitcase of the five element bearers to Spitfire.  She explained that the Elements of Harmony are the key.  If they could reverse the wood curse on the ponies who could use the Elements, then there was hope.  

Spitfire had shuddered when she saw the horrified and hateful expressions on the dolls of Rainbow Dash and the other bearers.  But there was something new.  The five dolls had two sets of midnight blue runes carved into the wood of each figurine.  Princess Luna had done that, cutting with painstaking detail and care.  Into each magic symbol she had poured her knowledge, purity, heart, and soul.  She explained to Spitfire and her team how to place the dolls into the Tree of Harmony.  She would need the tree’s power to begin her two-pronged spell.  Again a lot of the magical theory of what the Princess had explained went over her head, but she understood the basics.  Once in the tree, the first set of runes would activate, tap into the energy of the Tree of Harmony, convert and reverse the evil magic that bound the element bearers, and transform the five ponies back to the way they were.  Thunderlane had asked how long this process would take.  The answer the Princess gave was not reassuring.  She didn’t know.  But whenever the first set of runes did their job, the second set would be dormant but still visible on the bodies of the freed ponies.  Once the bearers were free, Spitfire or somepony on their team would speak a command word.  This word would activate the second set of runes and teleport the five ponies back to Ponyville.  Only then when all this was done would the mission be considered a success.                             

Spitfire blinked and her mind returned to the present.  She wordlessly checked up on her fliers; the ponies were reapplying the ointment to their suits and coats and were making sure that all the milk they stowed away in their saddles was still secure.  The invisibility oil smelled like rotten eggs, but so far it had worked as advertised.  Spitfire walked up to Zecora.  “We got a few more clouds to hop before we’re right on top of our objective.  Once we’re there, we’ll see how many trolls are left at the Tree of Harmony."

Zecora nodded.  The zebra had donned her green war-paint and ceremonial combat spear.  She looked up at the sun; it was almost noon.  “Soon the trolls will fully deploy.  Our mission is important and not a decoy.”

No sooner had Zecora spoken those words a great bellow went up from the troll army.  

Spitfire galloped over to the edge of the cloud and looked down.  The troll army had begun its march.              



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Iarumas could feel his blood boiling beneath his skin.  His body was screaming at having to contain the power of so much converted soul-energy.  He focused his mind, shut out the pain, and continued to run.  Three hours.  He had three hours until the power consumed him and returned to the Tree of Harmony where another of his chosen would take his place.  The massive troll’s senses were heightened to unbelievable levels.  Fighting through the haze of pain, he could see the wing beats of hummingbirds and taste the very air.  He knew what animals had passed through this stretch of forest hours ago.  As much 

as he was relishing his final painful minutes among the living, he would have preferred to teleport the army right into the heart of Ponyville.  That’s what Lord Rabuf would have done.  But he couldn’t. The ponies had erected a magical defense around the town that prevented his spell slingers from phasing into the village.  Iarumas grunted.  Sometimes the old-fashioned ways were the best anyway.    

He looked around at the legions of trolls that ran by his side through the forest.  This was not his army to lead, but lead it he would.  He was the chosen of Rabuf and would see his Lord’s orders fulfilled before his time ran out.  He had personally executed the pitiful excuses for troll flesh that had failed to protect their King with the milk stores below the ruined castle.  The last thing the survivors of the cottage massacre had seen was Rabuf carrying Hctorc Retib through a portal and then tumbling backwards as the door shut.  The now dead trolls had described it like Rabuf had fallen as though pole-axed by an invisible assailant.  Iarumas did not like the sound of that.  He also did not like the fact that Rotnart had unequivocally betrayed them.  

So lost in thought, Iarumas had barreled through a four hundred year-old oak tree like it wasn’t there.  The tree combusted and blew away in the wind in the span it took for the troll to draw breath.  His beserk army cheered at the sight of mindless destruction.  He ignored them and continued to run.  On more than one occasion packs of wild animals and colossal beasts that inhabited lagoons or glades rose to attack the trolls.  Every single one of them had backed down and retreated.  A primal instinct of self-preservation forbade the creatures to attack the supernatural juggernaut that led the trolls.  Iarumas ignored them too.  Vengeance.  That’s what he wanted.  Vengeance on the traitor and vengeance on the ponies who had banished his king.  He would turn that pathetic excuse for a hovel into his funeral pyre.  He would light a fire in that town that would burn for all eternity.             



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“It’s not enough.”

“What does thou mean?” asked Princess Luna.  

Rotnart’s gesture encompassed everything outside the shattered windows of Sugarcube Corner.  “This is not enough.”  The amulet beneath the wooden troll’s massive chin buzzed with energy.  The magic housed in the trinket bridged his vocal chords and helped to make his voice quiver in annoyance.  “Remind me.  How many horses are here in this town?”

“Ponies,” corrected Twilight Sparkle.  “And there’s 941 of us; that includes you and Ernest.”    

The wooden troll winced.  Never in all his days had he ever expected to be numbered with his victims.  This was like a lion being forced to fight alongside a warren of bunny rabbits.  Rotnart glanced across the large party-table at Ernest.  “Bunny rabbits and a lion hunter,” he mumbled.

“What did thou say?” asked Luna.  

“Nothing.”  Rotnart pointed at Twilight.  “You’re good with numbers.  I have a math problem for you.  My dad back in Missouri took five kids and turned them into dolls and put them in a tree.  The tree made 100 trolls from those five dolls.  My brother made off with about 200 kids and assuming the tree cranks out 100 trolls per five dolls, how many trolls are coming here right this second?”

Before Twilight could answer the troll’s math question, Ernest blurted out, “You’re telling me there’s half a million trolls out there?”  

Rotnart groaned and rubbed his eyes in exasperation.  “You’re worse than my brother.”  The troll paused.  “But you might have a point.  This is no ordinary tree Rabuf is using.  He might be getting a lot more trolls per doll than my dad ever did.”

“Do any of you need refills?”  Mrs. Cake appeared balancing a picture of water on her head.  

“I’ll have another glass of milk,” declared Rotnart.  “Since the stuff can no longer turn me into a pile of $*%t, I kind of like the taste.”

Ernest covered Sunset Shimmer’s ears just in time before the troll got off his swear word.  “Hey, watch your mouth.  There are ladies present.”  

Rotnart felt the cord that held the amulet around his neck snap.  The magic jewelry was floating just out of his reach, engulfed in a blue aura.  He looked over at Princess Luna. 

“Thou shalt use thy voice more eloquently from now on or thou shalt lose that privilege permanently.  Am I clear?”

Rotnart rolled his eyes and nodded.  There was no doubt in his mind the alicorn could make good on her threat.  She was powering a very large percentage of the shield surrounding the town, and it did not seem to be draining her in the least.  Nope, he did not want to get on her bad side.  After Luna gave back the amulet into Rotnart’s wooden hands, a tall plastic glass was slammed down on the table in front of the troll’s large face.  

“I hope you choke on this, troll,” Mrs. Cake hissed.

The pony stormed back into the kitchen without another word.

Rotnart sighed and retied the trinket around his neck.  “Yeah, yeah, let me guess.  Her kids got snatched up by my brother.  I’m trying to help with that.”

“How?” asked Spike.  The little dragon shoved a ruby into his mouth angrily.  “We wouldn’t be in this mess if it weren’t for you.” 

The troll shrugged.  “True, I started this war, but maybe I can help you win the peace.”

“What does thou mean?” asked Luna.  

“If I make it out of this alive, I’ll try and convince the other trolls to return home to the Old World.” 

Ernest was about to say something, but Rotnart cut him off.  “And before you say ‘why not just kill them all’ and let whatever god you believe in sort us out, I got news for you.  That won’t work.”

The human closed his mouth and whispered to Twilight.  “I didn’t know trolls could read minds too.  I need to write this down.”

The Princess thought about telling Ernest that she did not believe Rotnart was a telepath but decided against it.  Instead she thought it would be easier on everypony to just levitate some paper and some crayons from a nearby foal’s table so Ernest could take notes.

Spike smiled wickedly. “That seems like a good idea to me.  Why won’t it work?”

Sunset Shimmer thought about Spike’s question for a moment.  “Because there’s too many trolls.  If even one gets away, they can start this nightmare again in some other village.”   

 Rotnart looked at the orange pony and tapped his nose.  “All it takes is one.  My brother may have been insane, but he was not dumb.  I’d be willing to wager my wooden teeth that he has dozens of trolls under hibernation spells buried throughout the forest.  No doubt they have orders to pop out of the ground months or years from now.”  The wooden troll took a pull from his cup to hide his face.  He had no idea if what he’d just said was true or not, but for what he had planned, he would need to make himself useful to the ponies.    

The table went quiet when hearing that bit of news.  The silence was broken moments later when a loud bang was heard from the center of town.  Only a couple of heads turned to look in that direction having grown accustomed to the noise of the CMC experiment being conducted at City Hall.

Shining Armor looked at Ernest and asked, “So what are you and those kids building out there, Ernest?”

Ernest looked up from his writing.  “A railgun,” he said proudly.  “The Crusaders are calling it ‘Willie's Revenge’ since we’re still using a lot of Willie’s old body.  Those bangs you're hearing are metal balls breaking the sound barrier.” 

“Is anypony watching them?” asked the Prince.  “That sounds kind of dangerous.”  

“Oh yeah, Rimshot is supervising the youngons while I’m over here,” replied the human.           

Before Shining Armor could say anything about a dog overseeing the construction of a railgun by a bunch of kids, Princess Luna replied to what Rotnart had said, lost in her own thoughts.  “Tis not unheard of.  The Crystal Heart wars were a series of conflicts that lasted for years.  Everytime we thought we conquered Sombra and his troll allies, they would return in greater numbers later.  I fear that the trolls may have been preying on the yak children and other young creatures in the frozen north to build back their strength.  It wasn’t until Equestrian forces retreated and the trolls attacked the Crystal Empire with their full might that we were able to defeat Sombra decisively.  We may have lost the city, but because there were no more trolls, we eventually defeated Sombra,” Luna stated grimly.    

Rotnart nodded, “Nobody wants to go back to those days.  And If you had a king among the trolls who is willing to live in peace with you ponies and will keep the rest of his people in line, then that would go a long way towards stopping another few generations of warfare.”

Twilight Sparkle lifted an eyebrow.  “And I’m assuming you’d be this king?”

The wooden golem smiled.  “Well . . . if you insist.  I’d be willing to take time out of my busy schedule.”  Rotnart’s smile vanished as quickly as it appeared. “But all this fine talk of peace and me being a king again won’t amount to much if we’re all dead or dolls.”

Shining Armor winced in pain.  He had just touched his crystal-encrusted horn and jerked his hoof back.  “Don’t count us out yet.  We’ve fended off the trolls for this long.  Everypony is in position and as ready as we can make them.  Our side is armed with all the milk this town has.  All we have to do is wait until the attack starts and hold out until the rest of the Element Bearers get here.” 

Rotnart shook his head.  “You don’t get it.  The real problem is not the thousands of killer trolls coming to stomp this town into the ground.  It’s their champion.  There is a juggernaut coming that is more demon than troll.  His name is Iarumas, and he scares the tree sap out of me.  Rabuf had begun the process of changing him just before we went to Zecora’s hut.  Milk won’t do crap to this thing.  Only unconditional love will kill this beast.  Oh, and by the way, if we don’t kill Iarumas in the next few hours, he will explode, which will unleash all that evil nasty spirit energy.”

Luna frowned.  “I never encountered a being like this while fighting the trolls a thousand years ago.”

“That’s because King Sombra wanted to rule a kingdom, not a wasteland.”  Seeing a crude children's map of Equestria tacked to a corkboard, Rotnart stood up and waddled unsteadily towards it.  He picked up a crayon Ernest wasn’t using and drew a red circle around Ponyville.  “This circle is 5 miles across.  If Iarumas blows up in Ponyville, then everything in the circle dies.  Humans, ponies, trees, grass--all get turned to dust . . . except for trolls.  Trolls are immune to this dirty kamikaze bull crap Sombra programmed into us.  All that energy doesn’t go away either.  It collects back at the tree after a few minutes and another troll gets the honor of violently exploding.”

After hearing this Twilight Sparkle took a couple of blank sheets of paper from Ernest’s pile, grabbed her own crayon with her magic, and started to write furiously.  

Ernest looked up from his notes and turned his attention to Rotnart.  “So how do we fix the Tree of Harmonicas?” 

Rotnart paused.  “What?”

“How do we fix the Tree of Harmonicas?” Ernest repeated.

“Tree of Harmony,” everyone at the table provided. 

“Yeah, that,” Ernest nodded.  “I mean, that tree you came out of back in Missouri was still gnarly and ugly as sin.  How do we fix that other tree that has brussel sprouts growing off of it?”

The wooden troll stared at Ernest.  “That’s not my department.”

“Fear not, Ernest.  I am sure we can restore the Tree of Harmony when this is over,” declared Luna.

Sunset Shimmer pointed at the map.  “What about . . .”

The orange pony never got to finish her question.  An ear-splitting alarm pierced the air in every direction.    

Ernest looked at the clock mounted on the wall of the bakery.  “Well, that’s not the noon balloon.”

Princess Luna could feel the trolls trying to break the barrier.  She could sense the trolls strike the force field surrounding the town with their primitive weapons and brutish magic.   The alicorn turned to Ernest and asked, “Is your weapon combat worthy?” 

In response to the question, Ernest picked up a nearby walkie-talkie and in his trucker voice said, “Fort Botswanna this is Troll Fighter One.  Is Willie’s Revenge good to go?  We’re about to kick the tires and light the fires.  Come on back to me.”

Moments later a reply came back.  The voice sounded like Scootaloo.  “Troll Fighter One, this is Fort Botswanna.  Willie’s Revenge is combat ready.  I repeat, Willie’s Revenge is combat ready.”

“Excellent,” replied Luna.  “Sunset Shimmer, Rotnart, you two will go with Ernest back to City Hall and protect the weapon and its crew.  Princess Twilight, Prince Shining Armor, and Spike shall accompany me back to the hospital.  We shall coordinate the defense of Ponyville from there.”              



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Meanwhile above the Tree of Harmony



Spitfire’s heart leapt into her throat.  She turned her head to the west and listened.  The alarm she heard off in the distance was faint, but its meaning left little doubt.  The trolls had begun the assault on Ponyville.  The pegasus donned her goggles and trotted up to a high spot on the cloud she and her team were occupying.  

“That’s our cue, Wonderbolts.”  The pegasus leader swallowed and fought down the apprehension she was feeling.  “Now one more time.  Thunderlane, take Sliver Zoom and secure the Tree of Harmony.  According to our reconnaissance, the tree should be lightly defended on the surface . . . unless they’re all hiding underground.  Let’s hope that’s not the case.  You two will wait here for thirty seconds before disembarking.” 

Spitfire turned to the other part of her team.  “Misty Fly, Fire Streak, Blaze, you’re with me.  We’re going to jump first and be the diversion on this milk run.  There’s a ton of flying trolls down there guarding the airspace.  We’ll draw off any air-borne trolls so they don’t interfere with Thunderlane.  Any questions?”  When there were none, the Wonderbolt leader continued, “You all know what you have to do, so let’s get down there and save Equestria.”

The Wonderbolts nodded and made ready their squirt guns and milk cartons.  Spitfire turned to Zecora and said, “We’ll be back.”

The zebra smirked and said, “Do not fear, I’ll still be here.”

Without another word Spitfire joined her group.  The leader of the Wonderbolts waved her hoof forward, and as one, the four pegasi dove off the stratus cloud.  The ponies didn’t meet any resistance until they were 1000 feet above the ground.  There they encountered the trolls' aerial picket line.  The four flying guards they encountered had no clue what was about to happen to them.  The bat-winged trolls had enough time to see four blue blurs pass them by before their bodies dissolved and rained down on the trees below.  The hole the Equestrians had punched into the troll’s defenses did not go unnoticed.  Yelling like banshees, a dozen trolls gave chase to the elite flying ponies.  The Wonderbolts ignored them and continued their descent.  The ponies liquefied another six bat-winged trolls before they had to pull up and skirt the forest floor.  As a unit, the pegasi climbed above the trees, turned, and engaged their pursuers.  The years of training the Wonderbolts put in to become the greatest flyers in Equestria was put on full display.  The pegasi weaved and glided around the gangly bat-like trolls with ease scoring kills at will.  Spitfire grinned. At that moment she was never more proud of her ponies.  She saw Blaze fly between two trolls.  The creatures fired their crossbows at almost the same time.  One took a bolt in the wing while the other took a projectile in the face.  Both trolls tumbled to the ground.

After dispatching three trolls at once with her super soaker, the Wonder Bolt leader saw Misty Flight hurl a carton of milk straight down a hundred feet at a troll that was taking aim at Blaze.  The milk fell and exploded all over the sniping troll.  But all was not going the Wonderbolt’s way.  The fight in the sky was attracting even more bat-winged trolls from every direction.  The ponies were now fighting as individuals rather than an elite unit.  Spitfire rolled and banked successfully dodging the bolts and arrows sent her way.  However, she didn’t see the troll closing in above her.  The monster stomped down hard on the base of Spitfire’s right wing, nearly breaking it.  The pony gasped in shock and pain.  Moments later she felt the warm dripping remnants of a troll rain down on her.  She hoped it was the one that attacked her.   Wincing in agony she dropped in altitude, having just enough control to land roughly in the trees below.   She paused for a moment in the branches to rattle her weapon.  Her Super Soaker was empty.  Cursing she took a carton of milk from her saddle bag and started the painfully slow process of reloading.  Out of the corner of her eye, she saw one of her flyers hit the forest floor hard.  It was Fire Streak.  The pegasus’s wings were roped together by a bola.  The pony’s body tumbled end over end before coming to rest in an open clearing.  The space was instantly filled with pouncing trolls.  Drawing two milk cartons from his saddle the pegasus melted two trolls before a third creature placed a gnarled claw around the pony’s throat.  The elite Wonderbolt turned to a doll in the blink of an eye.         

Without thinking Spitfire howled and sprang forward out of her perch, her hurt wing screaming in protest.  The enraged pegasus hosed down five trolls and scooped up the remains of Fire Streak before the doll hit the ground.  The Pegasus nearly dropped the figurine; her wounded wing was not functioning at all like it should.   

“That looks bad, Chief,” the newcomer sniffed.  “And it smells worse.  Your wing’s bent at a weird angle.”

Spitfire looked to her side to see Misty Fly had flown up to her three o’clock position. 

“I’ll live,” replied the Wonderbolt leader.  Her entire wing felt like it was on fire, but if she could fly that was good enough.  

“Anything to report?” asked the Wonderbolt leader.

The junior flier picked up a steaming piece of near-liquid troll from her leader’s back and dropped it.  “All flying troll resistance has been neutralized.  Blaze has two broken hooves and a concussion where a troll rammed him in midair.  Zecora is seeing to him back at cloud base.  Fire Streak is miss--- . . .” At this point Misty Flight noticed the doll in Spitfire’s hooves.  She winced and looked away.

“Let’s rendezvous with Thunderlane,” Spitfire ordered.

The other pegasus nodded. 

The two flyers slowly made their way to the Tree of Harmony.  Even from this distance Spitfire felt nauseous just looking at the Tree’s evil aura.  The Wonderbolts glided down the stone staircase.  Here and there Spitfire saw evidence of slain trolls.  She saw Thunderlane just outside the wide cave entrance that led to their objective.  The other pony had a frantic look about him.  His right eye had a bandage over it, and his left hoof was pinned to his chest with a sling.  His mane was matted to his neck with troll gunk. 

“Spitfire, ma’am,” Thunderlane eyed his leader’s wound and troll spattered uniform.  “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine.  Where’s Sliver Zoom?”

A familiar weak voice echoed from the bowels of the cave.  “Help me.  I–I can’t see.”  The voice began to panic.  “I can’t see!  My wings are broken!  I can’t move!”    

Thunderlane grimaced and nodded towards the cave.  “The trolls have him.  We secured the ground outside the cave when half a dozen trolls stormed out of the cave.  Those bucking troll wizards used their magic to ground Silver.  I . . . I got a lot of them.  I tried to rescue him, ma’am.  I really tried.  But they have this really big troll in there that’s stronger than Big Mac.  He was covered in that bucking bark armor.  I dove right at him and tried to aim for his face.  But that Bucker swatted me halfway across the forest.”  Realizing that he had been swearing a lot in front of a superior officer, he coughed and added,  “Begging your pardon, ma’am.”

Spitfire waved off the apology.  “Can you still fight?”

Thunderland puffed himself.  “Yes ma’am.”

“Help me!” wailed Silver.

Misty Fly eyed the cave entrance with trepidation.  “This has got to be a trap.  The trolls can manipulate their voices to sound like damn near anypony.”

“I know,” muttered Spitfire.  “We still gotta go in there.”  The leader of the Wonderbolts thought for a moment.  “Okay.  Thunderlane, Misty Fly, you two fly back up to the cloud and bring Zecora and Blaze down here.  Let’s see if she has anything in her bag of potions that might help us smoke out these trolls.”

Wordlessly the two pegasi took off.  Spitfire paced nervously in front of the cave entrance trying to ignore the mewling pleas of her captured flier.  Five minutes later a crowded chariot pulled by two Wonderbolts landed in the clearing in front of the cave.  

Spitfire trotted over to the chariot and got a good look at Blaze.  The hurt flier’s head and torso was covered in a sticky yellow substance that was preventing him from moving.  The pony was sleeping soundly, his chest rising and falling rhythmically.      

Zecora dismounted the chariot and stood by Spitfire’s side.  “Do not worry about your friend.  With my heal and hold honey, he will be on the mend.”

The Wonderbolt nodded.  “Thanks for looking out for him.  But we got another problem.  The trolls are hold up in the cave, and they have Silver Zoom.  Do you have any magic potions or ointments that will make taking back the Tree of Harmony any easier?”

Zecora thought for a moment before replying, “I think I might have what you desire.  Lend me your milk, that is all I require.”

Spitfire gave the zebra a strange look.  “I’m not asking you to go in there by yourself.”

Zecora nodded.  “You and yours have done much, that I can see.  It is now my turn, leave this to me.”        



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“Can anypony hear me out there?”  The troll mimicking their prisoner’s voice nearly broke character by stifling a laugh.  This was too easy.  Soon those idiot ponies out there would come storming through the cave right into the trap he and his kin had set.  The small troll risked a glance over the rock he was hiding behind.  It looked like the other flyers had returned with some kind of sky wagon and a black and white striped ground horse.  The ground horse was taking milk cartons from the flyers and setting them aside in the sky wagon.  The troll raised a bushy eyebrow.  Was this insane ground horse going to assault the base by itself?  The troll smiled.  Another hostage couldn’t hurt.  But then the ground horse was doing something strange.  She was mixing the milk with some other vials of liquid.  The troll couldn’t put his filth-encrusted finger on it, but something was very wrong here.  Something about that brew the horse was making made his eyes twitch.  The troll slumped behind the boulder he was hiding behind and grabbed a small stone.  The troll spoke into the small pebble.  

“This is Drut.  Problem at the cave mouth.  Attack incoming.  I say again, attack incoming.”  

The pebble glowed a dull orange as it was filled with the troll’s magic message.  Drut hurled the rock deeper into the cave and returned his attention back to the ponies.  The three pegasi that could still cause a problem were huddled together.  The one with the orange and yellow mane was gesturing at the sky and then pointing at the cave. 

“What’s going on?”

Drut almost wet himself in surprise.  He looked to his side and was met by a massive troll in bark armor.  Drut pointed to the black and white ground horse.  “That horse thing is mixing something together.”

The other troll squinted out into the daylight.  “That’s probably a cook for the other three.”

Drut shook his head.  “No, I think she’s making a weapon.  She has most of the milk from those flyers, and she’s mixing it together with other stuff.”

The larger troll reached under his armor to scratch at his armpit.  “Maybe.  But she ain’t gonna get me to drink it.  Go out there and stop her.”

Drut blinked and looked up at the other troll.  “You want me to go out there?”

“Did.  I.  Stutter?” asked the other troll with deliberate slowness.

“No . . . but . . . ah come on, Tihs.  Why do I gotta be the one to go out there?   Why don’t we send Kcoc? He’s not doing anything.”

Tihs grunted.  “Kcoc’s watching the prisoner.”

“The prisoner is a F*#k sucking doll.  It’s not going anywhere,” moaned Drut.  

Tihs glared at the smaller troll.  “You got magic, right?”

Drut nodded and whimpered.

“Then all you gotta do is teleport over there, doll their cook, and teleport back.  And if you don’t get moving in the next five seconds, I’m going to use my muscle to throw your scrawny ass out there.  Do you get me?”

Drut swallowed.  “I get ya, boss.”  The smaller troll took a couple deep breaths.  “I can do this, I can do this, I can do this.  Okay.  On the count of three.  One . . .”

A large glass vial exploded above the heads of the two trolls.  Before either creature could do anything about it they were enveloped in an expanding white fog of airborne milk.  Misty Fly and Thunderlane used their considerable wing strength to push the cloud further into the cave.

Spitfire nodded approvingly.  “NIce throw.”

Zecora hefted the suitcase that held the dolls of five of the six element bearers.  “Thank you.  Now let us bring back our friends.  And bring this cursed nightmare to an end.”