//------------------------------// // Racing is Magic // Story: A Hearth's Warming Buyout // by ChibiRenamon //------------------------------// Rarity groaned when her alarm clock finally announced that she could stop tossing and turning in her futile quest for sleep. She had decided against any sort of sleeping pills at the last moment, scared that she’d somehow sleep for too long on this crucial day. Now she wondered whether ten hours of nightmares, anxiety attacks, and crying into her pillow had been the wiser choice. “I can nap for a bit in the car,” she muttered as she dragged herself to the bathroom. I just need to look awake and strong while dealing with Gilda. Once we’re on our way, I can relax. The shower helped. A bit. A look in the mirror after getting dressed and applying makeup told her that she would be able to pass for somepony who had gotten... at least three hours of sleep, which was an improvement. “It’ll have to do,” she muttered while reaching for her phone. A few taps and slides later, she had ordered a taxi to pick her up. “Okay,” she said and took a glance at her To-Do list. “Breakfast will have to wait until we’re on the road. Note for the housekeeping service has been written. I guess all that’s left to do is to wait-” She raised an eyebrow when her phone started ringing. “Hello?” she answered the call. “This is Prancing Princess Taxis,” a female voice on the other end answered her. “We’re calling to confirm your order for-” “Goodness, I did not install an app and make an account just to have my order immediately questioned, did I?” There was a slight pause, but the operator was apparently used to complaints. “Of course, Miss Belle, I apologize. We will send the second taxi on its way, then.” “Good, and next time-...” Rarity blinked. “...second taxi?” “The one you ordered, Ma’am. The one in addition to the one that’s already on its way to you.” Rarity narrowed her eyes. She could think of two people who would have the foresight to order a taxi for her on this day, and Twilight would have sent her a text message to announce it. “I see,” she said and took a deep breath. “My bad, I apologize. Feel free to undo my order and bill my account for whatever cancellation fee applies.” “No worries, Miss Belle,” the operator replied, opting not to gloat over Rarity’s about-face. “The taxi should be at your place in two to three minutes.” “Splendid, thanks for catching... my mistake.” Rarity hung up and forced herself not to throw her phone against a wall. “Great,” she hissed after having calmed down a bit, “this day is off to a splendid start.” By the time she had dragged her suitcase outside, she could see a yellow taxi waiting for her. She saw who was sitting on the back seat but didn’t bother to wave or perform other, less polite gestures with her hands. Instead, she simply crammed her suitcase next to the one that was already in the trunk and entered the car, sitting on the free back seat. “If you wanted to talk, you could have just called,” she muttered, staring straight ahead as the taxi started moving again. “You wouldn’t have answered my call,” Gilda pointed out calmly, then sighed. “Temporary truce?” Rarity moved her head ever so slightly towards Gilda and rolled her eyes. “Well, the driver probably carries a taser, and it’d be awkward if one of us needed medical attention before the contest even starts, so... sure, truce.” “Heh.” Gilda crossed her arms. “Real talk: you look like you got roughly as much sleep as I did.” Rarity finally turned to give Gilda a good look and found herself agreeing - the griffon had seen better days, and the bags under her eyes spoke volumes about how little sleep she must have gotten. “This isn’t how I wanted our rivalry to end,” she admitted. “Yeah, it sucks. Years of subtle and not-so-subtle maneuvering, and now it all comes down to whoever makes it first to the middle of nowhere?” “Well, there is negotiating to be-” “Pah!” Gilda gave her a look. “We have fixed upper limits in our funds for buying the entire village, and we both know the stupid apple farm is the biggest asset to be acquired, so what’s left to negotiate?” There was a moment of hesitation. “Well, okay, aside from me flexing my talons or you showing a little leg.” She ignored the way Rarity was grimacing at that. “But let’s be honest, when you’re throwing around six or seven digits, threats of violence or promises of sex won’t really move the needle all that much.” True. We may start with a low bid, but by the time whoever is second starts knocking at the door, we would default to the highest amount and pray. Rarity frowned as something occurred to her. “What happens if the farmer refuses to sell?” Gilda opened her beak, then closed it again. “I’m pretty sure that that would fall under not being able to close a deal,” she finally whispered. “Surely she wouldn’t demote both of us, right?” “I forgot that you’re a naive fool before your first coffee,” Gilda muttered and let her head hit the side window. “She made it clear that neither of us is irreplaceable. And if this deal falls through, we will have failed to do our job. We’ll be lucky if she allows us to pick up our successor’s dry cleaning.” “I’ll admit that sounds probable.” Rarity clenched her fists. “So, what do we do?” She knew the griffon was as nearly as intelligent and twice as cunning as she was, so if anybody knew how to think outside the box, it was her. “Here’s the plan.” Gilda gave her a smile that was equal parts fake and reassuring. “I will arrive first in Ponyville. I will talk to the farmer. I will buy the farm, then the village. You, meanwhile, will arrive last. You will address me as Miss Dawnstar. And you will remember how I like my coffee.” There was a long silence. “Right,” Rarity finally said. “I remember now - your plans always sucked.” “If you have better ideas, let me know.” There was a hint of sadness in Gilda’s eyes. “I promise I’ll be all ears.” The car came to a halt, and a quick look outside showed that they had arrived at their destination. “I’ll keep you posted,” Rarity muttered and pushed open her door. She grabbed her suitcase while Gilda paid the driver - it had been her cab, after all - and raised an eyebrow when she realized that the company parking lot was more crowded than she had anticipated. Aside from Twilight, Trixie, and Miss Lestia, there was also a moderately sized crowd of onlookers and a small refreshment stand with various beverages, a popcorn maker, and even a hot dog vendor. However, the biggest eye-catchers were the two cars that stood side by side, polished to perfection and ready to take their passengers on a massively fuel-inefficient ride at roughly half the speed of sound. Rarity felt a pang of anxiety when she saw the arctic white Corvid ZR1, Miss Lestia’s go-to choice when it came to business trips. She was no car buff, but she knew that she was looking at serious power, wrapped in the sleek body of a sports car. The perfect vehicle for a race. Of course. The car next to it was nothing to laugh at in terms of power, either. Still, the Fjord Mustang was quite obviously the bulkier car. It looks like it ate a Corvid for breakfast and then asked for seconds. And... are those back seats? Why did Twilight get a car with back seats? Toss them out! Surely we can squeeze out at least a tiny amount of additional speed that way, right? She took a deep breath to calm herself down. Easy. This race will not be decided by such minimal optimizations, so let’s not cause a scene by asking for a hacksaw. “Miss Belle, delightful timing!” Twilight met her halfway from the crowd and picked up her suitcase with a flick of magic. “Miss Lestia wants to make an announcement, we still have to go over the travel plans, and I have a tiny personal request to make.” Announcement? Personal request? Rarity frowned but nodded slowly. “As long as I can get a cup of coffee somewhere along the way...” “I packed a thermos, no worries,” Twilight assured her. “I also made some tea for you to calm down later on.” “...why would I need to calm down?” Twilight tilted her way this way and that. “One thing at a time, Miss Belle.” The uncharacteristic secrecy set off several alarm bells. “Twilight, I demand-” “Well, look who finally arrived!” Miss Lestia’s voice cut off Rarity’s protest, making Twilight smile happily. “My two favorite dealmakers!” Her voice carried across the entire parking lot without the need for amplification. “Miss Lestia,” Rarity said and smiled warmly. “Boss,” Gilda added. “We’ll be ready once Trix takes care of my stuff.” In the background, Trixie was already doing her best to squeeze Gilda’s suitcase and her own into the Corvid’s tiny trunk. “Of course, of course.” Miss Lestia gave them a thin-lipped smile. “Before you burn rubber, I do have to add one minor condition for this challenge.“ “Condition?” Gilda asked with an audible edge to her voice - she had never liked surprises. “Yes,” Miss Lestia replied happily, as if she had missed Gilda’s tone. “To ensure that there aren’t any regrettable accidents and that this competition will proceed fairly and within legal bounds, I would like to take certain precautions.” “Oh no,” Rarity snarked, “there goes your plan of murdering me and setting the barn on fire...” Her smile widened when she saw Gilda’s glare. “I want both of you safe and sound,” Miss Lestia chimed in, her smile slightly forced. “And I want this competition to be decided by skill, not by whoever is the last employee standing.” “I’ll make sure to make a daily vlog of both of us,” Gilda said, not bothering to hide her annoyance. “So you can keep track of us that way.” This time, Miss Lestia’s smile was both genuine and slightly smug. “I did not build a business empire by micromanaging my employees, Gilda.” She raised her hand, and a pony stepped up from behind her. “Ladies, in case you haven’t had the pleasure yet, meet P. D. Pie. She will act as a judge for this competition.” The Earth pony standing next to Miss Lestia nodded courtly, and Rarity briefly wondered if she was very good at color coordination or just incredibly bland. Her light pink coat made the darker shade of pink of her mane - kept in a strict bun - stand out nicely, and her minimalistic pantsuit likewise used two shades of grey for a similar contrast. “Pleasure,” Miss Pie said evenly and without any inflection. Rarity searched for any hint of an emotion in her eyes and shuddered when she found none. This pony was not happy, sad, pleased, or angry - she just was. And suddenly, she realized where she had heard that name before. Oh, no... “Pleasure’s all mine, PewDiePie,” Gilda replied, obviously determined to test the waters by tossing a grenade into them. “It’s P. D. Pie,” the Earth pony corrected her evenly and without any hint that she was mad. “Short for Pinkamena Diane Pie. But you will address me as Miss Pie.” Gilda laughed at that - she had never been impressed by a quiet act. “Hey, check it, Rarity! Miss Pie here drew the short straw and now has to act as your babysitter!” She hesitated a bit when she saw Rarity’s expression. “Please don’t antagonize the Adjudicator,” Rarity whispered. “Well, yeah, she’s an adjudicator.” Gilda shook her head in a way that signaled that she was too annoyed to catch the nuance in what Rarity had just said. “I mean, that’s who you send to, y’know, act as a judge. That’s what the word means.” She pulled out her cellphone and did a few quick taps. “Adjudicate. Verb. To settle a legal case or other dispute. To act as a judge.” The urge to correct Gilda was there, but Rarity simply smiled and nodded instead. Worst case, I get free entertainment. Best case, I get to watch Gilda getting stuffed into a trashcan. “Ah, my bad.” “Yeah, your bad,” Gilda sneered, obviously happy that she had won a battle of intellect against Rarity. Miss Pie cleared her throat. “I assure you that straws were not involved, Miss Dawnstar. Miss Lestia is sending out two of the company’s best assets, so she-” “Blah, blah, blah.“ Gilda strolled over to the refreshment stand and grabbed two soda cans. “Here, lemme show ya what you’ve been asked to judge, Pinkadink,” she said and idly tossed one of the cans at Miss Pie, who caught it easily with one hand. “It’s Pinkamena-” Gilda dug her talons into her can, puncturing its sides. Then she quickly raised it to her beak and shotgunned its contents before smashing the empty can against her head, crushing it with a mildly satisfying “Crink.” “-Diane Pie.” Miss Pie sighed as Gilda gave her a wild grin. “Ah. Yes. I have read your file, Miss Dawnstar. You are a savage, even by the high standards set by your species. Very focused on the rule of the strongest. A solid asset in the corporate world and an effective leader, but a nuisance to have as a coworker.” “You talk way too much,” Gilda said and waved at the second can. “Show me what you got, then I’ll decide whether to toss you in a dumpster or simply ignore your incessant screeching once the party’s gettin’ started.” Miss Pie gave first Gilda and then the can a bored look. Then she calmly shoved the entire can into her mouth. The first bite produced a muffled “PSSSHHH-POOMPH!” and the subsequent chewing resulted in loud crunching noises. “Ah,” Gilda commented lamely when Miss Pie swallowed the remains of the can. “I’m starting to remember now. P. D. Pie as in P. D. ‘once took an office chair to the face by an uncooperative employee and then billed him for breaking company property on top of firing him for the history of bribery she had uncovered’ Pie, right?” Then she walked over to Rarity, trying not to look too unnerved. “Next time,” she hissed, “just tell me that she is the Adjudicator; capital A and all that jazz.” “My sole flaw is that I only told you once,” Rarity replied and smiled widely. Gilda smiled back, then lowered her voice: “Humiliate me like that again, and I will eviscerate you.” “You tried before, so why should I start worrying now?” Rarity’s smile turned into a smug grin. It was of course a risk to antagonize Gilda even on the best of days. Now, after she had been embarrassed in front of several dozen ponies and her boss, Gilda was pouring her entire willpower into not murdering Rarity right on the spot. Finally, after half a minute of looking as if her whole body had cramped up, she exhaled and unclenched her fists. “She won’t protect you once I win this,” she hissed, then turned around abruptly, slapping her with one wing. “Well, our car is a two-seater, so I guess it’s okay if Miss Pie rides with Miss Belle, right?” “Of course, Miss Dawnstar,” Twilight was quick to answer, cutting off whatever snarky reply Rarity could have thought up. “In fact, I anticipated this turn of events and already adjusted our travel plans accordingly.” Gilda stopped in mid-stride and turned towards Twilight. “Well, now, how about that?” She gave Twilight one of her rare, genuine smiles. “Tell you what - once all of this is over, you won’t have to worry about your job.” Is she-... IS SHE TRYING TO POACH TWILIGHT FROM ME? “My job is not on the line here, Miss Dawnstar.” It was Twilight’s absolutely neutral expression that sold the line. Gilda blinked once, then again for good measure. “We’ll discuss this later, then.” Rarity watched briefly as Gilda chatted with Trixie while the latter was still doing her best to fit two large suitcases into a trunk designed for a moderately sized purse. Then she turned her attention to Twilight. “Please tell me you have a plan,” she muttered. Twilight turned towards her, and Miss Pie respectfully took a step back to let Rarity interact with her assistant in peace. “Of course I do, Miss Belle. Speaking of which, you still have to sign off on the plans and schedules which I sent you last night for review.” You know very well that I don’t have the patience to read your essays on the best of days, darling. “Yes, it was a gripping read,” she lied, and they both smiled at that. “You know I trust you, so just tell me where to put my signature.” Twilight quickly produced a tablet and thumbed through several pages, and Rarity signed each one in rapid succession. Twilight checked something on the tablet. “Good. The documents and schedules are now on the company intranet servers. It’s always good to leave a paper trail, should the need for review arise.” “Sure, sure. So are we ready to go?” “Ah, one more thing.” Twilight reached into the inner pocket of her suit jacket and produced a thick envelope. Ignoring the way Rarity’s eyes went wide, she started to file through its contents. “Um, darling,” Rarity said and laughed nervously, “with all due respect, but I feel like this is not the best time to cash in your favors.” “You are correct,” Twilight whispered before pulling out one sheet of paper. “And I’m not here to redeem any favors, but to change one.” She handed Rarity the old note, followed by two new ones. Rarity looked down at the old note, then back up at Twilight. “Awfully generous of you to not make me sing the Kitty Dance song, but what do you want instead?” She looked at the new ones. “Two vouchers... for me to not get mad at you... for withholding information until it becomes funny?” She narrowed her eyes. “Any particular reason you need these?” “Yes,” Twilight answered. “Two, in fact.” She hesitated, then pointed at the two notes. “Obviously.” “Is this information that will endanger the mission if you withhold it?” “No.” Rarity shrugged, then burned the old favor with a spark of her magic. “Fine, then do as you please.” She signed the two new notes and handed them back to Twilight. “Let’s get this show on the road.” Rarity slipped onto the passenger seat of the Mustang and let out a content sigh as she felt the cool leather even through her suit. Miss Pie sat behind her. She had not said a word since her introduction, which Rarity approved of for the time being. Finally, Twilight opened the driver-side door and slipped onto the seat next to Rarity. “Please make sure your seatbelts are properly adjusted,” she said. “Our schedule might get disturbed if one of you flew out through a side window.” “Well, it’s not like we can go very fast during rush hour,” Rarity said but reached for her seatbelt anyway. The last thing we need is the police pulling us over just because I decided that the seatbelt’s color clashes with my suit. “There is not going to be rush hour traffic from here to the highway,” Twilight replied and pushed the ignition. The Mustang’s engine came to life, its low growl sending a shiver of pleasure down Rarity’s spine. “The police is blocking off the streets for us as we speak.” “You asked the police to disrupt traffic on such a scale?” Even after years of service, Twilight still managed to surprise her with her forward-thinking moments. “Technically, you did.” Twilight didn’t even bother to look uncomfortable. “It was the eighteenth document you signed a few minutes ago.” “Ah.” Rarity frowned. “Do I also have a brilliant plan to finance the complete shutdown of more than a mile of road in the middle of Canterlot at 8am?” “Oh, absolutely!” Twilight laughed quietly to herself, and Rarity paled under her coat. The last time she had heard this laugh, Twilight had agreed to do Rarity’s taxes. And now, her tax returns were almost on par with her annual salary. Somehow. Possibly because her apartment somehow counted as both a church and a nature reserve now. “I don’t want to know my brilliant plan, do I?” “No, you don’t.” “Right.” She eyed Twilight’s easy grip on the steering wheel, and an odd thought crossed her mind. “Um, no offense, but given that we are probably going to set a new land speed record for the drive to the highway... do you have any training in this sort of thing?” This time, Twilight did look a bit uncomfortable. “...yes.” “That didn’t sound particularly reassuring, darling...” Twilight did not make eye contact. “I took lessons in stunt driving and car racing in the Crystal Empire during my honeymoon.” “Okay, that-” Rarity did a double-take. “Honeymoon? ...you are married?” She glanced down at Twilight’s hand and blinked when she saw a ring. Was that always there? How long has she been married? How did this never come up? “But-... I mean-... When-...” She took a deep breath and leaned back in her seat, causing the leather to creak quietly. “Wow... okay... so... you’re telling me that you took lessons in handling a car like this in... high-speed situations.” “Yes.” Twilight was still looking uncomfortable somehow. “My wife and I-” She paused briefly when Rarity did a second double-take at that. “-spend quite a bit of time racing each other in all sorts of cars. And I am contractually obligated to point out that...” She grimaced. “...she is better than me at this.” Rarity couldn’t help but smirk at that. The very concept of Twilight A. Sparkle, certified super genius, not being the best at something was somehow endlessly amusing to her. Okay, let’s not taunt the lady who will be responsible for not driving your car into a wall at five hundred miles per hour. She forced herself to downgrade her smirk into a silly smile. “Well, that... that happens to the best of us, darling. Can’t win them all, right? It’s okay to not be the very best at literally everything.” “Thank you, Miss Belle.” “Besides, you don’t need to be the best driver in all of Equestria today. All that matters is that we beat Gilda at this race. And you can do that, right?” Somehow, her words only seemed to make Twilight more uncomfortable. “The chances are slim, I’m afraid. The ZR1 and the Mustang are not worlds apart in terms of specifications, but there is a subtle difference, compounded by our car carrying a larger load. In addition, benchmarks rarely test under street race conditions, but my estimate is that the ZR1 may have the upper hand in maneuverability, especially when it comes to taking corners.” She reached into her pocket and handed Rarity one of the two new favors. “And like I said, my wife is the better driver.” “And like I said, it doesn’t matter if your wife-” Rarity froze when her brain resolved the implication. Very slowly, she leaned forwards and looked past her stone-faced assistant. In the other car, Gilda was sitting in the passenger seat. Next to her, Trixie Lulamoon was revving the engine with the most lunatic grin Rarity had ever seen. “Oh, good heavens, no...” She very slowly focused on Twilight again. “YOU MARRIED TRI-” “GO!” Miss Lestia announced, and the roar of two engines drowned out the rest of Rarity’s question. Rarity had never cared much about car statistics. She of course had a general understanding of concepts like “0 to 60 in x seconds,” but she had never felt what such numbers implied. Now, forced deep into her leather seat by the sheer force of the Mustang’s acceleration, she was starting to understand what she had been missing out on. Somewhere, somepony was screaming as the two cars practically flew onto the street; it took her a moment to recognize her own voice. She glanced at Twilight, then back at the road, then immediately wished she hadn’t done that. A skyscraper was rapidly coming closer, and her brain barely had time to comprehend that they were still accelerating towards a T-junction. SLOW DOWN SLOW DOWN SLOW DOWN- Twilight manipulated the gear stick and yanked the wheel around. The Mustang started to turn sideways far too soon for Rarity’s liking, but instead of driving straight into the houses that had been on their right side, the car kept drifting down the streets, leaving burnt rubber in its wake. Twilight worked the gear stick again, and the Mustang started to work its way around the corner, finally moving forwards again instead of just sideways. WE MADE IT! WE ACTUALLY MADE IT! Rarity let out a slightly insane laugh. I CAN’T BELIEVE WE- The ZR1 moved past them, having taken the corner far more tightly than the Mustang had been able to. “NO!” Rarity yelped as she was forced to stare at the back of the Corvid, its license plate “CEO-LESTIA” silently taunting her. “GO FASTER!” Twilight didn’t even bother to respond to her futile demands. She stayed absolutely focused on the road, undoubtedly working out the physics of the next three curves in her head. “Sharp right coming up!” she finally shouted. “Hold on to something, don’t scream, don’t grab the wheel!” This does NOT instill confidence, darling! Rarity thought but did as she was told. The corner was coming closer. And closer. Something told Rarity that last time, Twilight had started the wide-radius drift much sooner. One car length in front of them, the ZR1 started to turn, leaving its own set of skid marks. Only now did Twilight turn the wheel, and Rarity’s grip on the handle in the door tightened. Then she made the mistake of looking to her left. Both cars were moving sideways. And the distance between them was shrinking. “FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-” Rapidly. “-UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-” In the other car, Gilda was looking out through her right side window, and she seemed to be at least as horrified as Rarity. Unlike Rarity, however, the griffon either had better reflexes or less trust in her driver - she grabbed the wheel. The Corvid altered its course from one moment to the next, moving away from the Mustang. Of course, sudden course alterations were never a good idea at high speeds. Doing them while going around a corner? Also bad. And combining these two scenarios? In the city? There is going to be a Corvid-sized hole in a wall in about one second. Her heart skipped a beat when she considered the alternative: Unless the wall is stronger than the car. There was no time to even think about screaming a warning - not that it would have done any good: at its current speed, the Corvid would probably need several hundred yards to stop, and it had less than ten. Rarity couldn’t will herself to look away in horror... which was good because otherwise, she would have never believed what happened. One moment, the car was inches away from the wall, and the next, it squeezed itself into a narrow alley, only avoiding the walls because they happened to align perfectly with its current course. Twilight shifted into a higher gear and sped down the now empty road as if nothing had happened. “Okay, the on-ramp for the freeway is just a few blocks down this road. If we can keep this-” “WHAT THE HAY WAS THAT!?” the question finally found its way from Rarity’s brain to her mouth. “Portal spell,” Twilight replied. “Trixie excels at them.” She briefly glanced at Rarity’s still horrified expression and sighed. “Please, Miss Belle, I know Trixie very well. And even if she had somehow panicked, the car itself has emergency enchantments to maximize the safety of everybody involved.” The car is enchanted? The thought immediately struck her as silly - if any vehicle on the planet was enchanted, then it was Miss Lestia’s. And enchantments aren’t that cost-prohibitive - each car in the company’s motor pool probably has half a dozen enchantments; I just never stopped to think too hard about this. “O-...” She cleared her throat when only a croak made it past her lips. “Okay. So... are we in the clear?” Twilight frowned at that. “What I did was a risky move. We’re technically in the lead, but there is no telling where Trixie is right now. And I made her mad - she hates to use magic in races because she feels that it amounts to cheating.” “Then why did you provoke this situation!?” “Because the Corvid would have smoked us on this straight road, especially with more than a full car length head start.” She grimaced. Twilight was most likely right, but Rarity was too agitated to admit it. “So now what?” “On-ramp,” Twilight simply replied and pointed at the entrance to the freeway that was quickly getting closer. “Right.” Rarity took a deep breath and let her hand run over her seatbelt, as if making sure that it was still there. We can drive more strategically and slowly build a lead once we’re on the freeway. There are going to be more cars there, so that’ll hopefully put an end to this kind of reckless- The Corvid literally came out of nowhere. One moment, the Mustang had been the only car in sight; the next, a portal opened in the middle of the road, spitting out more than three thousand pounds of metal moving at more than a hundred miles per hour. This time, it was Twilight’s turn to drastically change course, and she did it with just a tiny bit more finesse than Gilda had done. Their car went into a brief, uncertain skid before deciding that, yes, moving straight towards the nearest house was a fantastic idea. There was not even time to curse - Rarity’s last word on this plane of existence was going to be, “Right.” The house wall came closer. And closer. And- There was a flash of light, and suddenly, the Mustang was a LOT further away from the wall. However, it was still (and now again) speeding towards it. Twilight stomped the brakes with enough force that Rarity briefly thought that her hoof would punch a hole in the car’s underbody and skid across the asphalt. The magic aura around her horn, which was already going strong, flared up even more, and the car slowed down with enough force to throw Rarity against her seatbelt, producing a slightly undignified, “HURGH!” The car stopped maybe two yards away from the house, and Rarity finally noticed that the entire exterior was wrapped in Twilight’s magic, with multiple chain-like extensions anchoring it to the street and even the houses behind them. Then, accompanied by a slow exhale, the magic aura faded. Rarity waited a moment to allow her life to finish flashing before her eyes. “Wh-...” She stopped herself when she felt a rush of nausea coming up. For the first time today, she welcomed her decision to skip breakfast. “Apologies, I had no time to put up a proper stasis field when I applied the brakes.” Twilight did not look particularly sorry, but Rarity had learned long ago that, most of the time, her assistant was simply too busy to waste time on proper social cues. Case in point: right now, she was rummaging in her purse with both hands while her magic aura operated the phone menu integrated into the dashboard. “This is Lieutenant Flash Sentry speaking,” a surprisingly smooth and friendly voice came over the loudspeakers after two rings. “This is Tango Alfa Sierra, requesting blockade adjustment for Objective Bravo,” Twilight said even as she grabbed an energy bar from her purse and unwrapped it. “...Miss Sparkle, need I remind you again that this is the Canterlot Police, not the army?” the pony on the other end of the call asked after several seconds of silence. “Well, you are not the army,” Twilight said and smirked. “I, on the other hand, only opted against doing this race with my tank because you asked nicely.” And with that, she unceremoniously stuffed the entire energy bar into her mouth. “The LAV-25 is not a tank, it’s not street legal, it wasn’t built for racing, I would have ticketed you for using its armaments within city limits, and owning one does not actually make you part of the army.” Lieutenant Sentry sighed. “You know what? I’m not paid enough to argue with a madmare who somehow managed to buy a ta-... military vehicle. You are cleared for Objective Bravo, Tango Alfa Sierra.” “Mh,” Twilight replied, still chewing, and pushed a button on the dashboard to end the call. “Miss Sparkle,” Miss Pie suddenly spoke up from the back seat, startling Rarity - the Adjudicator hadn’t made a single sound during the entire race, and Rarity had completely forgotten about her presence. “Since Miss Belle seems to still be in shock, will you allow me a few questions?” “Mh-hmmm?” Twilight encouraged her even as she put the car back in gear and started to speed down the road. “First of all - I thought the talk about your military equipment acquisitions were simply tall tales. Are you saying that you actually own an armored vehicle? Also... why?” Twilight finally swallowed. “Ah, it was the result of a friendly bet with Miss Belle. I told her that I had a firm grasp of the tax code, she didn’t believe me...” She made some vague gestures with her right hand. “Well, long story short, I bought it from my tax returns a few years ago. About the reason... well... it’s a neat conversation starter, and it’s fun to take it out onto off-road tracks on the weekends?” There was a long pause. “I see,” Miss Pie finally said, her voice and face as unreadable as before. “Second question.” Her eyes briefly flicked over to Rarity. “Why are we moving away from the freeway on-ramp?” Freeway on-ramp? Rarity frowned. She found it hard to think, even as her adrenaline was slowly dropping back to sane levels. What’s the significance of the-... She blinked as her brain reluctantly unsealed her short-term memory, even if it meant revisiting the near-collision with the Corvid and the two near-collisions with a house wall. ...freeway on-ramp. Corvid. Gilda. THE- “-RACE!” she finally yelped. “Ah, there we go,” Miss Pie muttered. “TWILIGHT!” Rarity frantically looked over her shoulder - the on-ramp was barely visible by now - and then at her driver. “WE’RE GOING THE WRONG WAY!” Her rational side finally released the ugliest of truths before taking shelter behind blast doors: “WE’RE LOSING THE RACE!” Her assistant let out a quiet sigh. “We are heading towards Object-” “YOU ARE COSTING ME MY CAREER!” Rarity grabbed the wheel. “TURN THIS THING AROUND!” “Miss Belle, I already used up a healthy burst of magic a minute ago, so please don’t make me waste more.” Twilight grabbed her wrist without taking her eyes off the road before twisting it. “HNNNGYAaaahhhh....” Hidden away in its bunker, her rational side quipped that she should have seen this move coming, not so much because she knew how to do it herself, but because Twilight had been the one to teach it to her in the first place. When she was sure that she had Rarity’s attention, she let go again. “If you don’t mind, we can discuss this on the road. After all, we have an appointment to keep.” “...appointment?” Rarity asked even as she was rubbing her wrist. “Yes. The one outlined in the travel plans you reviewed and-” “YOU KNOW I DIDN’T!” Rarity roared, but neither Twilight nor Miss Pie flinched. She took a deep breath. “Just tell me where we’re going, darling.” To the airport, maybe? We could rent a small plane and jump out with parachutes over Ponyville... Twilight drifted around a corner with ease and pointed at the large building a few hundred yards in front of them. “There.” “...the train station?” she identified the building and raised an eyebrow. But then she slowly nodded. “I see... if we take a high-speed train to whatever city is closest to Ponyville, we could narrowly beat Gilda!” “Even better, Ponyville has its own train station!” Twilight one-upped her, though her smile was looking a little bit forced. “Ponyville has a train station for high-speed trains?” Rarity narrowed her eyes, trying to read her assistant’s expression. “...no?” “NO.” “Miss Belle, just trust me and board the train. I even reserved a comfortable compartment for us.” Rarity had held her tongue while Twilight had parked the car at the train station. She had held her tongue while Twilight led them through the massive building, all the way to one of the most remote platforms (though at least she had volunteered to levitate all three suitcases with her magic). And she had held her tongue despite Twilight refusing to share more details about what her grand plan was. However, seeing their mode of transportation was her breaking point: “THIS IS A STEAM TRAIN, TWILIGHT! A LITERAL LO-CO-MO-TIVE!” “Yes, and if it leaves without us, Miss Dawnstar will arrive in Ponyville before us.” Rarity was trembling. A part of her was convinced that Gilda would arrive in Ponyville long before this quaint steam locomotive managed to make it a mile out of Canterlot. But a bigger part of her acknowledged that Twilight was a genius, if an eccentric one at times. Then again, she is apparently married to Trixie of all ponies! Trixie! Who is not just working for The Enemy, but is also TRIXIE! I’m not gone far enough yet to think that she is working against me, but REALLY? Little Miss Glitzy-Ditz? Though aside from that, Twilight’s record so far is spotless... and I would look like an idiot if I openly or implicitly admitted to Miss Lestia that I had not bothered to read “my” travel plan and that I needed a car. Again. “Also, you would have to drive by yourself since Miss Pie and I will have taken the train,” Twilight added. “And you hate driving cars yourself.” “Well, that is-...” Rarity froze. “Did you just read my mind, darling?” “My special talents in terms of magic are teleportation and transferring power, not telepathy, Miss Belle.” Twilight allowed herself a sly smile. “But I have worked for you long enough to be able to take an educated guess most of the time.” “Point.” Rarity smiled for the first time in what felt like an eternity. “Fine, I’ll go. But once we’re seated, I want to hear a few details.”