//------------------------------// // 170. Rushing Russia. // Story: Baa-Ram-Ewe! // by Darkonshadows //------------------------------// -Equus, Airship Wemauliya, Airship Mauled, The Witch’s Fare, Celestia- “You cut and serve me at the table, yet I am never eaten, what am I?” Sekhet the sphinx stated with a hint of glee in her voice. “What an intriguing riddle.” I stated as I tried to figure what could be cut and served at a table that you would never eat. “You don’t do anything horrible to people who don’t get these riddles wrong right?” “I’m not overly cruel. Well… to evil things I might be, war goddess and all.” Sekhet smiled a bit like she caught a canary. “So aside from the riddle how is sun priestess Jaded doing in the world of politics?” “Better than I thought she would. She’s driving people insane with bizarre trade agreements, but it is one of the few times I’ve seen Discord be so agreeable with ordered chaos. Discord could want anything and he could give you practically anything in a trade agreement.” Chaosica wasn’t a united realm despite the fact that the dictatorship is holding a rigged election, said election is being rigged so the opponent wins is not something I’d ever thought of doing to get out of being a princess or putting my sister Luna in charge. I mean passing the buck to Twilight was still what I chose and I’m not regretting it, but Luna and I were still considered world powers in and of ourselves. “You’re lucky you don’t have to deal with all the nonsense.” “It can’t be that bad can it?” Sekhet tilted her head. “Politics are supposed to be bloodthirsty, as a war goddess I am to understand them intrinsically. So what’s the worst of it?” “Jade getting Discord statuettes and Discord wanting to spend a day under Yggdrasil in return, don’t honestly know what both of them are actually getting from the trade. Jade is good at fine print and has tried to destroy the concept of Saddle Arabia no less than five times in a number of agreements, everyone swears she’s doing it subconsciously at this rate.” I thought it was quite exasperating that Jaded could hold a grudge for that long. It wasn’t in the cards for Saddle Arabia be in any other state than alert as long as Jaded, AKA the evil sorceress Mirage, was breathing in the countries general vicinity… from more than a thousand miles away. Wait… that’s it! “A pack of playing cards!” “Right!” Sekhet stated with a broad smile. “I am a shimmering field that reaches quite far, yet I have no tracks and am crossed without paths. What am I?” “Did someone mention Discord?!” The ever peppy pink Bastet appearing made us both yelp, the goddess of life had always been attracted to Chaos. Quite literally one of Discord’s alternative names and it came with a distinctly attractive blue winged cat form. Bastet was a goddess that always got Discord nervous. That’s why I’m good friends with her, he’s less likely to bother me when she’s around. “Aw, it’s cute that you’re hanging out with ‘good’ friends, maybe you can even share bananas via mouth to mouth. By the way Wadjet says hello!” “Is she still winning sexiest snake goddess of the year?” I asked conversationally, completely ignoring Bastet’s utterly appalling attempts at getting me and Sekhet together. We were just friends, of a highly attractive sort like Jaded and Captain Jaqueline Sparrow. “You know it!” Bastet said with a bright smile. “Oh and the Quarrelsome Quartet are doing exactly what Jade wanted them to, they are holding up their end of the bargain.” “Good to know.” Sekhet and I said at the same time, it had been a somewhat small concern. “Also there’s a lot of cloak... but where are all the daggers?” Sekhet asked. -Earth, Russia, Location: snowy mountainside, Shanty- “Woo that crash be a good one!” I be saying as my body be being stuck in the snow. “You can barely be telling how we got here.” The Cooper Van landed nearby without even a single scratch on it. The airplane we be in, that be strewn about the place, on fire and the remains were being small enough to mostly fit in Cooper Van. How does Launchpad be rebuilding that? “Please don’t encourage Launchpad to crash like this Shanty.” Pom is still being a big lovable whiner. Also we are all being a bit stuck. “Dodo can you get out?” Dodo be buried with his head pointing to the sky, he warbled sadly. He was unable to angle his beak downward far enough to shovel or energy blast the snow away. “He can’t be moving.” I be looking at the dog and everyone else, we all be stuck up to our necks in the snow. It be like being buried in a sandy beach by pirates and left for the ripper crabs to feed on, while I be enjoying the imagery… I didn’t like living it and it be freezing. “I can’t be feeling my flank, is that being a bad thing?” “Right, anyone have an idea how to get us out of this quickly, Smolder what about you?” At least Pom be taking charge of the situation. We turned our heads to Smolder who was directly behind Ocellus. “Can’t breathe fire without hitting Ocellus.” Smolder informed us. “I think I’m stuck in this form while buried like this.” Ocellus be answering afterwards swiftly. “Can’t you use your super strength?” Gosalyn asked from next to Drake. “My beak is starting to form icicles here.” “Again, I need to remind everyone, that despite the fact that I’m… admittedly enough… fairly strong by a respectable amount, I’m not impossibly over the top stupidly super strong. My best abilities are defensive, though I have been getting better with my offensive abilities as of late. I really don’t appreciate how dangerous I actually am.” Pom be knowing her strengths and weaknesses, she be telling me that knowing yourself and your capabilities can be helping in a lot in many situations. “I’m as stuck as everyone else is, no leverage and my wool is tightly packed in by the snow. I hope I don’t get a cold from this.” “If I could just get to my gas gun…” Mumbled Drake as wiggled his head trying to pry himself out of the snow, he not be getting anywhere fast. He did be managing to shovel some of the snow away with his beak. “Sorry guys, I got so excited with showing Pom a comic book, I kind of forgot to keep flying the plane.” Everybody would be forgiving Launchpad for this, because I know I would. This is being a known thing with him. If we be knowing this would happen, then why should we be mad? We knew that we would end up in a plane crash, just not how or why, but it was being quite inevitable from what the Duck family be telling us. “Well none of us are dead… though if frostbite sets in that’ll be a different story.” Stated Pom with a drawn out sigh. She be removing the eyepatch for The Ungulates big debut, her eye is being fine and I be the proud owner of it now! “Also don’t blame yourself Launchpad, we all knew what we were getting into by getting on a plane with you. We did it anyway even knowing that it was fact that this kind of thing was informedly chronic for you.” “Well someone hurry up with an idea, I have snow in places I’d rather not say.” Humorously enough Mopsy be mirroring Pom’s dour expression. “Maybe we could shout for help?” At least Murray was being constructive. “Bad idea if this is an avalanche zone.” Shot down Bentley. “I’m unfortunately not one of those turtle bipeds that can detach my shell at will. So don’t bother asking me to squeeze out.” “Now that is a question, how do you be putting on clothes?” It only be occurring to me now that Bentley wore clothes under his shell. Now everybody be looking at Bentley. “I buy my clothes special…” Bentley be looking away. “Also this cold is not exactly very healthy for me, I can feel my mind numbing and freezing up already.” Dolly started barking something from next to Pom. “Will you have complete control of it?” It seems Pom be responding to something Dolly suggested. “Also aren’t you cold?” Dolly responded cheerfully or at least as cheerfully as I can be understanding, she doesn’t seem to be very cold at all. “It’s ridiculous that Dolly has the best chance out of all of you and she’s a breed of dog known for having short fur. Well you better make it quick, all of your vital signs are dipping pretty badly, aside from Dolly’s which is fairly anomalous that her heat has been consistent since you got stuck in the snow.” Dormarch be stating from right next to me, buried up to his handle in the snow. “What a way to start our adventure into attacking a super villain’s lair.” “Glad to hear you’re actually in a talking mood again Dormarch.” Pom be looking happy to be hearing him talking at all. “I want you to know that I’m worried about you and that we need to talk about things. Communication is supposed to be healthy right?” “Right.” Domarch be seeming to be quiet about something, I narrowed my eyes at the device and then went back to looking around to make sure nothing be coming to eat us. “I wouldn’t say Clockwerk is a Super Villain, but… I think it is fitting for a guy who’s survived thousands of years on pure hatred for my family.” Looking to be thoughtful, Sly finally deciding on something with a nod. “Maybe that’s why he didn’t kill me, he probably needs that hatred to keep going and is using me to fuel his mediocre existence of one-upmanship. You’d think he would move on to world conquering the world by now instead of being the best thief in the world with all the talent he has for wiping out Cooper’s over the ages.” “I just know this Clockwerk guy is going to end in fighting a massive swarm of robots somehow.” Bemoaned Pom again, she not be being even wrong considering what Bentley be saying about Clockwerk having mechanical minions. “Well that’s a cursed statement.” Stated a shivering Ocellus. “Really wished I had a better internal heating system like Smolder, wait… why aren’t you melting the snow Smolder?” “Enough packed and melted together formed ice around me, I could enter a long sleep like this… it’s actually kind of cozy. If my girlfriend’s life wasn’t currently being threatened I could do a fifty year nap like this.” Smolder looked to Ocellus with a sheepish grin. “Not enough for a greed growth, sorry. I just don’t find snow dangerous enough.” “It’s okay.” Returned Ocellus brightly while stuttering as her head shivered. Dolly barked angrily and everyone quieted. “She needs to focus and we’re all being distracting.” Pom stated dully. “If you’re going to do it, now would be the time Dolly.” Unleashing a bark, a swirling green vortex erupted around us pulling a few of us into the air, along with a mass of snow that went flying skyward. Bentley was pulled halfway free and was already working the rest of himself out of the snow. “Well the good news is most of us are free, now we need to dig the rest out.” Pom stated as she helped me up, Smolder, Ocellus, Gosalyn and Dolly were also being free. “Good work Dolly! Shanty, Ocellus, you two go get in the van and get warm, I’m sure Bentley can turn on the heat for you. Smolder, help me with everyone else. Shanty can you get Dolly?” Dolly raised her right paw and flicked up a digit while breathing roughly, that be looking quite tiring for her. I be picking the Dolly up and tossing her onto my back, then I be slowly making my way towards the van to someplace warm. -Thirty minutes later, Smolder- Launchpad said he’d get the plane working again. I had asked, what plane?! In exactly the kind of incredulous tone you could expect from a shredded mass of metal strewn across the base of a mountain’s slope. His answer was to look around and just shrug, he said he’d be fine and for us to go on. He even said he’d catch up with us eventually. The guy was kind of a legend in the making, especially if he could rebuild the plane from that. Launchpad had warm clothes and plenty of snack foods that had survived the crash, even said this wasn’t the first time that this has even happened to him. Everyone absolutely believed him on that. Though I kind of worried about the guy as we drove away, he was waving to us and was all smiles as we packed into the van like canned sardines. Being the traditional pegasus fish snack, I thought it was an acquired taste and I had acquired a taste for them in New York. We had eventually found a road into the city, picked up a few supplies and then started making our way towards the Krakarov volcano. With the possibility that the Clockwerk guy was expecting us and would be ready with all manner of nasty surprises, if he was as smart as Bentley thinks he was. Bentley gave Darkwing and Quiverwing a complete run down of Clockwerk’s history and the owl was a serious piece of work. He’s been alive as long as Princess Celestia and Luna, possibly as long a dragon. After an explanation of how technologically advanced the various ages of this world were. How did someone like Clockwerk managed to build advanced technology and slowly replace his whole body with machinery, even before the medieval ages of this world? Was his hatred and genius both that disturbed and grand? There’s genius and then there’s rampant insanity that goes beyond the impossible. Clockwerk was the latter with some of the former. I looked to Ocellus when I noticed she was getting twitchy, we were about to pass through a small town. “Are you okay Ocellus?” She looked at me and continued to be a bit twitchy, she shook her head no. “Can we pull over, I think Ocellus is feeling something she doesn’t like.” “Sure thing!” Murray announced while doing so. “What’s the problem little lady?” “So… much… hatred…” We were like somewhere between fifty to seventy miles from the volcano and could see it in the distance. If Ocellus was feeling what I think she was feeling… “Oh Overlord Ember, that bad Ocellus?” I asked as I got up and hugged her tightly, she dug her face into my neck and continue to shake and quiver. “I don’t think we can take Ocellus anywhere near the volcano.” “It’s him… it’s him…” Ocellus whimpered with a blank or dead look in her eyes. “So much hatred… so impossibly strong even at this distance.” “She can feel Clockwerk from this far away?!” Sly asked with surprise. “That’s a lot of hatred.” “Yeah, Ocellus is sensitive to that kind of stuff, especially all the malice or evil cores from the last world. Incapacitated her pretty badly and left her with headaches.” I held Ocellus tight, and started to run my claws down her frill and caressed her head as she clamped onto me tightly. “I can’t in good conscience let her go near the guy if he’s generating enough hate that she can feel it from miles away.” “He’s pacing around in a circle, he’s feeling anticipatory.” Ocellus was starting to space out, her eyes were clenched tightly as she squeezed me harder. “He knows we’re in Russia…” “That’s an incredible talent. Murray what’s the name of the town we’re on approach for?” As Bentley inferred someone older, I noticed Pom look my way. She knew I would be helpful around a volcano, but that would require that I leave Ocellus behind. She wasn’t about to ask me to help out. “We need to drop Ocellus off with someone that can watch her.” “The town of Sobaka.” After Murray said the name of the town, it seemed to surprise Bentley. “Huh, that’s ironic.” Stated Dormarch with a humorous tone, next to the device was Pom calmly brushing Dolly’s fur and Dolly looked like she was trying not to enjoy it. “What’s ironic about it?” Quiverwing asked. “Well ‘Sobaka’ is kind of related to the Russian word for canine, which is соба́ка.” Dormarch stated with a slightly hint of amusement. “It’s okay to be concerned… but I’ll be much safer in the town.” Ocellus barely managed to get out through what looked like a migraine. “I can watch Ocellus.” Offered Mopsy as we drove onwards. I didn’t know how to feel about the possibility of leaving Ocellus behind, I held my troubled cuddle bug closer to myself. “Also the town is run primarily by canine animalistic and biped people and the area has a few animal wolf packs.” Bentley murmured while glancing at Pom. “No bets on what the most popular pet of the region is.” “Why-….” Droned Pom out as she cuddled Dolly to her chest, Dolly looked up at her and yipped something that sounded encouraging while wagging her tail. “Oh no, I’m not getting out of the van or showing myself in town! After what happened within the Yellow Dog territories in the last world, I’m well within my rights to veto making an appearance of any kind. Ask Shanty, Smolder and Ocellus about why I’m reticent about this town. Also I’m pretty sure even Dodo is aware enough to know why.” Dodo stuck his head down next to the windows on the passenger’s side and nodded, the motion being caught by the people in the back. “If we get into trouble…” Started Ocellus, still clutching to me like her life depended on it. “I’ll show myself, but I won’t like what might happen.” Yeah, I can see why Pom would be wary of an area with an excessively large number of canines. Like what happened with Dolly’s family in Camden Town. -An hour later, Pom- Okay, Ocellus was going to be quite upset that she was once again a liability, but at least Mopsy could look out for her. I had kept to my promise of not stepping one hoof outside the van or letting myself be visible to any of the hundreds of canines in the area. I didn’t want a single person in this town to get even a hint of a whiff of me. I so did not need that kind of attention right now. I didn’t ask Smolder to come with us, she could have stayed with Ocellus, but she decided to come with us. Gosalyn Wattlemeyer Mallard, much to her adoptive father’s complete surprise, also chose to stay behind and that gave Drake some peace of mind. “Hey someone’s on the side of the road under a tree!” We were about five miles out from the volcano when I spotted a figure laying in the snow that was almost unnoticeable. Pulling to stop, Murray hopped out and quickly brought back an unconscious cold and injured fox back in. We tended to his wounds quickly with Dormarch’s help directing us in what we needed to do to save his life. Even as we worked on the fox we continued driving towards Clockwerk’s lair. The fox’s injuries, while bad, did not currently require a hospital visit provided he didn’t do anything too stressful. We stopped about two miles away from Krakarov for a snack break. Ten minutes later after working our way through snacks on the side of the path we were on, the fox woke up clutching as his side with a grunt where he had a particularly nasty gash that had to be sewed shut. “Where… where am I?” He sat up and glanced around his eyes then fell on us. “Are you okay sir?” Sly asked of him. “We found you in the snow and patched you up.” “Where… Carrots? Cottontail?! Funny Bunny!?! Hopps!?” He seemed to recognize Sly from what I can see, but didn’t seem to care as he was more worried about something else. He tried to get up, but sat back down gasping in pain. “Oh no, where is she, please tell me you didn’t find a dead rabbit next to me!” “You were the only one out here.” Crossing his arms, Murray tilted his head and hummed in thought. “Yeah, you were the only one around and we helped you out.” “Who are you?” The fox was started to look panicked and wild eyed as I asked my question. “Also calm down, we’ll find your friend if we can get a lead. We’ll make a search party of it.” “Interpol Officer Nick Wilde at your service and I seriously don’t want to lose my partner like this!” Nick was hyperventilating and his eyes were looking around wildly. “Dormarch, a little help here?” I haven’t had a good breakdown in a while, Nick was doing more than enough of that on his own and going into hysterics. “Apply at least two pounds of force to his face to focus him.” That Dormarch suggested that without a hint of humor in his voice. Shanty stood on her hind legs and slapped Nick across the face and grabbed him by the shirt, then started shaking him violently with her hooves in a comical fashion. “You be getting a hold of yourself and be telling us what be happening to you so we can be being helpful!” Shanty then sat down and held out a hoof to him while looking to the rest of us. “I do be needing to test my leadership skills after all.” “Right…. you’re right. Judy, my partner, isn’t going to go down that easily… I think she still had her shock pistol when I last saw her. Mine was destroyed by those robot falcons.” Nick shivered and hugged himself. “They were everywhere. We got ambushed pretty badly investigating Clockwerk’s lair, Judy, Carmelita and me.” “Is Carmelita okay?” Sly asked intently. “She was captured before we could make a full escape, Clockwerk is no joke and needs more than a few decent Interpol agents. The guy has robot falcons, lava slugs, mines, laser traps, poison dart shooters and likely much more waiting… Judy lead the falcons off of me and we got separated.” Nicked was looking at his bandaged side. “Still had one falcon on me, took the machine apart with a well-timed swing from a tree branch… but as you can see… I’m in no condition to demand arrests.” “You don’t seem very intent on talking down to us… why is that?” Quirking his eyes at the fox, Sly waited for a response. “I have a bit of a history… with hustling people. Also you patched me up and possibly saved me from bleeding out.” Giving a quiet chuckle, Nick added on. “Aside from that, you’re not really bad guys from what I know of the Cooper Gang. Judy owes me a twenty… if she’s still among the living.” “Can I get it on record that my friends and I are not in the Cooper Gang?” I clarified while looking over the poor guy’s sorry state. “As far as you’re concerned, we’re just concerned citizens looking to help some people out of a bind and are hitching a ride with people we can’t know for certain are certified criminals.” “Oh Leap Lamb working with criminal scum, say it isn’t so! Sorry for the sarcasm, but I think I’m a bit stressed.” Fairly understandable Nick, given the current circumstances and everything that may be happening. “Still, nice to know that I have some heroes to help.”