//------------------------------// // Chapter 27: Contention, Criticism and Compromise // Story: Hazy Days and Magical Ways // by Dogger807 //------------------------------// The excitement in the Janus Thickey Ward tended to be of the most unpleasant variety. Had it been in the muggle world, it would have been a home to St. Jude. Its residents were afflicted with ailments that were beyond the reach of current magical knowledge. However, much like Pandora’s Box, amid a world of despair, there was still hope. Most recently, it had come in the form of an arrogant, small, brown unicorn with medical knowledge from another world. Hitherto incurable conditions were now foal’s play to the arsenal he brought to bear. Synergies between the two magical worlds and the medicines of the mundane had resulted in remedies that none could have managed separately. Still, there were cases beyond even this revolution. For the most part, the ward was a waystation to the next world, where the residents had yet to surrender to inevitability. It therefore came as quite a shock to the young healer when a spectral voice said, “He . . . he . . . hello?” With wide eyes, she practically jumped out of her own skin as she turned, half expecting to find the ghost of a newly-departed. Instead, she locked gazes with a frail woman who did not have the strength to lift her head from her pillow. “Hello? Where am I?” came an unsure voice. Deftly, the healer took out her wand and pointed it at one of the many crystals situated throughout the hospital. With a muttered word, it turned yellow and started blinking. “Lady Longbottom,” she then said, running scans with her wand over the woman as the bed moved the patient into a sitting position. “Can you understand me?” “Yes . . .” The voice was frail from disuse. “Where are we? Why is Frank sitting there and not moving?” “Lady Longbottom, you are in St. Mungo’s. I am Trainee Healer Bafort.” “St. Mungo’s?” Alice Longbottom shuddered as memories returned. “How badly was Frank hurt? Where’s my Neville?” Ignoring the first question, Healer Bafort responded. “Your son? Last I heard, he was taking classes at Hogwarts. It’s safe to assume that’s where he is now.” “Hogwarts?” Confusion laced her voice. “He’s not even out of his nappies yet. He wouldn’t be at Hogwarts.” “You’ve been here for a while,” the healer said, double-checking her readings. “If I remember correctly, since the end of the war.” “How long was that?” There was panic creeping into her voice. “How long have I been out?” “Mmmm . . . nine? Ten years? I think,” the healer said, marking down her readings on a clipboard. “Ten years?” It didn’t come out as the shout that was attempted; it was a stage whisper that broke half way through the first syllable. “I’m going to have to ask you to remain calm,” the healer stated. “I can’t risk giving you a calming potion, all things considered.” “Ten years? Ten bloody years?” The rant was interrupted when the doors to the ward opened and three senior healers strode in with brisk steps. They took one look at the hysterical woman sitting in the bed and pulled their own wands, filling the air with diagnostic spells. Much data would be collected, and a certain novice healer would be getting remedial training on how to break sensitive news to patients. As an educator, Professor Minerva McGonagall had scoffed at the notion that ignorance is bliss. She now knew better. With the collapse of the Statute of Secrecy, the ways of the muggle world had come crashing in like a tsunami, sweeping away the status quo. Since that fateful day, she had come to dread the cock’s call and its promise of yet another attempt by the cruel world to drown her in a sea of change. It seemed that just as she had gotten comfortable treading its waters, it would start to rain. Minerva was now positive that if she ever met the individual who coined the phrase ‘when it rains it pours’ she would be indulging in some therapeutic hexing, with prejudice. It would be safe to say that she wasn’t a happy kitty. The gargoyle guarding the entrance to the headmaster’s office must have sensed this, as it had jumped out of the way without requiring a password, letting the Professors of Transformation, Herbology, and Muggle Studies, along with the visiting inspector, pass without breaking stride. “Come in, Minerva,” Albus Dumbledore’s voice called out before the entourage reached the door at the top of the moving staircase. “Albus!” Professor McGonagall was the first through. “We’ve got a problem.” Rising from his seat behind his impressive desk, Headmaster Dumbledore replied, “It would seem it is the day for problems. What is it this time? Another foreign dragon?” “Worse,” Professor McGonagall said. “One of the staff, Extra Security, has been sending students to her home with the express intent of persuading them to form herds. She was interrupted in the process of owling her second student.” Professor Dumbledore blinked before sitting back down. “She has started already?” he asked. “I must say, that didn’t take her very long.” The other professors in the room blinked at him in return, silent for a second before Professor Sprout demanded, “You knew she was going to do this?” Professor Dumbledore nodded before pushing a bowl full of sweets forward to offer to his guests. “Lemon drop, anyone?” “Albus,” Professor McGonagall said with a threatening tone. “You knew this was going to happen and did nothing to prevent it?” Professor Dumbledore nodded a second time. “Yes, she came to me this morning. She wanted to check the upper years for individuals who change into her breed of pony. Given what Severus has told us about their dire need for new blood, I felt it would do no harm to accede to her request.” The Muggle Studies Professor spoke up. “You gave her permission to kidnap students?” “Kidnap? No,” Dumbledore said. “Why would I give her permission to kidnap students?” Professor McGonagall rubbed her forehead with her right hand. “What exactly did you give her permission to do?” Popping a lemon drop into his own mouth, Professor Dumbledore said, “I told her that she could test the students for their alternate forms. I recall informing her that she wouldn’t need parental consent for the students that were of age, but she would need it for younger students before taking them from the school grounds.” “Oh my,” the Muggle Studies Professor said. “Did you perhaps inform her that she would need the permission from the of age students before relocating them?” “I would think that such a thing was obvious,” Professor Dumbledore said, studying the faces of the people in his office. “Surely, she wouldn’t . . .” “She did!” Professor Sprout snapped. “She tossed Mr. Walker into an owl’s pouch without so much as a by your leave.” Albus Dumbledore sighed and shook his head. “I assume that didn’t go over well.” “His girlfriend wasn’t happy,” Professor McGonagall said. “When she caught up with Mr. Walker, words were exchanged, and ponies were hexed.” “How unfortunate.” Professor Dumbledore frowned. “I trust that no permanent damage was sustained.” “A budding relationship was almost certainly cut short,” Professor Sprout snarled accusingly. “Headmaster, you know herds are a considerable commitment. How could you allow such a thing?” “Why wouldn’t I?” Professor Dumbledore asked. “I had, no matter how wrongly, assumed that Ms. Security would be more circumspect. We do not interfere with our students’ relationships, after all.” “Albus,” Professor McGonagall said. “Can ye not see that there will be people who will think the whole thing is predatory?” “I suppose it is to some degree,” Professor Dumbledore said. “Though, considering the cultures involved, it is up for discussion as to which side contains the predators and which the prey. May I remind you that marriage contracts are still very much in use. This way, instead of being betrothed to the woman of their parent’s preference, these young men are being introduced to young women of their own age, being given a choice. I would think that this is preferable. Not to mention, given the nature of herds, the aforementioned marriage contracts are not completely ruled out.” “Marriage contracts are a thing?” asked the inspector, who had been observing quietly. “Very much so,” the Muggle Studies Professor acknowledged. “It is one of the major sticking points the normal government is contesting with the magical.” “I’m afraid I will need to put on my Chief Warlock hat for a moment and inquire over the reaction of the ponies concerning the hexing you mentioned.” Professor Dumbledore changed the subject. “They are reacting amazingly amicably,” Professor Sprout admitted. “They were happy when I removed the hexes my badger inflicted them with.” “I have sent an owl to the princesses, apprising them of the situation,” Professor McGonagall said. “Hopefully, we can allay any concerns they may have over our treatment of their subjects.” “Wait a minute.” Said the inspector. “Wasn’t she responding to what she perceived as a kidnapping? I’m sure that will grant some leeway.” “We can only hope that is the case.” Professor Dumbledore said. “THEY DIST WHAT!?” Princess Celestia allowed the briefest of cracks in her unnatural poise as a reaction to her sister’s outburst, flinching at the rage-filled voice. “They foalnapped two young colts from the human’s school for magic.” “AFTER WE HAST ADMONISHED THEM FOR SUCH BEHAVIOR? THEY WOULD DARE?” “It would seem that we have underestimated their desperation.” Princess Celestia glanced at the scroll she was floating. “If it is any consolation, they got permission from the second colt’s father, so it wasn’t a foalnapping.” Princess Luna stared at her older sister with sheer astonishment. “What?” “They got permission from the colt’s father.” Princess Celestia repeated. “It would seem, he signed a consent form.” Princess Luna continued to stare. “What is wrong with the humans?” “Now Luna,” Princess Celestia chided. “We must make allowances for the differences of other creatures, as long as they do not harm our ponies.” “Yet, it dost not speak well of the humans; they be so callous concerning their stallions.” “I am starting to get the impression that they would be just fine with it, if ever mare in Canterlot sauntered over and started claiming stallions, willy nilly, just as long as they were back in time for tea.” “They do make good tea.” “Yes, they do. Remind me to introduce you to the newest blend I have acquired.” “And the chocolate covered espresso beans be divine.” “Luna.” “We are just saying.” “Luna.” “But We digress. What actions must be taken?” Luna relented on the one subject. “Surely, such impudence cannot go unpunished.” “First of all, even though they haven’t come right out and asked for it, some kind of amends for the injured parties must be offered.” “We shall make sure that our subjects comply.” Luna said fiercely. “They have crossed the line.” Princess Celestia nodded firmly. “Banishment of the mares in charge shall be considered.” “’Tis a just punishment for such a crime.” Luna nodded as an owl flew into the room. “More news.” She inclined her head. “I think we may have just received our first official letter of condemnation.” Princess Celestia sighed as she used her magic to relieve the owl of its message. “We are sorrowful that such would be richly deserved.” Luna sighed as well. “Our subjects hast sorely angered us.” “It is from Professor McGonagall again.” Princess Celestia started reading. “Wha?” “What news, sister?” Luna prodded. “Just a second.” Celestia’s eyes flew over the message at least two times before she continued. “She says that their headmaster gave permission for the thestral to test the students for their pony forms and that underage colts could be introduced to willing herds given approval from their guardians. The only real infraction was the older colt being taken without consent and he declines to take offense.” “What is wrong with these humans?” “She is also offering apologies that the colt’s fillyfriend took out her anger on the fillies gathered for the introductions.” Princess Celestia blinked her eyes rapidly in bewilderment. Luna stopped to consider this. “Hast we done some deed that makes them wary of our wrath? Why dost they fear our ire against rightful retribution? Any filly hast the right to defend her claim thusly.” “Patriarchal society.” Celestia said. “Remember that they are a patriarchal society, Luna.” “Thou dost say that as if it explains their madness.” “In a way, I think it does.” Celestia hummed. “Does thou think their reaction would alter if it were fillies being taken to be herded so unethically?” “That is a distinct possibility.” “And what actions are to be taken? Are we to ‘wait and see’ whilst these crimes go unpunished?” “As galling as it may be, that is exactly what we shall do,” Celestia said. “The main culprits have effectively banished themselves.” She waved the newest parchment as an example. “They have relocated to the badlands, outside our sphere of influence. That doesn’t even take into account that the laws, as they now stand, are in direct opposition to their survival as a race, and thus they may consider them unjust.” “We would counsel official banishment of the culprits.” Luna protested. “Our first foray of mercy was thrown back in our face.” Celestia scanned the parchment yet again. “Sister, it is time to stop thinking of this in terms of right and wrong and start thinking in terms of practicality. We are currently faced with an entire race of ponies that has taken the first step to divorce itself from our rule, going so far as to banish themselves for crimes they feel they have no choice but to commit.” “Their crimes are unforgivable.” “And yet, it would seem that the humans have already forgiven them.” “Must you play Centaur’s advocate?” “Somepony must, and your anger precludes you from that duty,” Celestia said. “I, too, am enraged, but experience has taught me not to just start hoofing out punishments in cases like this. Unless we take action to facilitate their survival, they will only get sneakier, and somepony will get hurt when, not if, it gets out of hoof. This isn’t a herd of entitled mares snatching a stallion; this is an entire race of ponies concerned about extinction.” “Tia.” “Don’t ‘Tia’ me. Repercussions are only effective as far as the perpetrators are not willing to suffer through them. The stakes are high enough that the thestrals have already hinted at being willing to suffer anything to ensure the survival of their kind.” Luna stared balefully at her sister. The large white alicorn sighed again. “We need to address the underlying cause. Telling somepony ‘Don’t steal the bales of hay from your neighbors even though your foals are starving’ never works out well in the end.” “And their crimes shall go unanswered?” Luna gritted her teeth. “This time, their crimes were committed outside our borders.” Celestia reminded her. “They art our subjects.” “They won’t be for long if you continue down this line of thought,” Celestia countered. “Tia.” “They have gotten a mouthful of hay. They will be back for more and it is our duty to ensure that nopony and nohuman suffer as a result. Punishing them will only make them fight harder.” Luna snorted. “You would allow them to pillage unwary colts?” “No, not unwary. Neither of the adult stallions involved are willing to press charges, and the underaged one had permission. We have no injured parties at this point, and I would very much like to keep it that way.” Celestia regarded the floating scroll once again. “Professor McGonagall’s last letter stated that she was just made aware that the muggles have something called ‘artificial insemination’ which may eliminate the ‘instant herd’ problem.” Luna blinked. “Those words hast no business being put together thusly.” “Instant herd?” Celestia queried. “Artificial insemination.” Celestia chuckled. “Good. Now that you’ve calmed down, it’s time to be a mediator.” True to their daily routine, Nissy and Bella were sitting on the couch, watching their soaps when the owl arrived. “Bark!” “Oh, hello Hedwig.” Nissy said, brandishing her wand. “I don’t see a letter. So, passenger?” “Bark!” Hedwig nodded. “Ex dimittere.” Nissy tapped her wand on the owl’s pouch. The expected sound of retching reverberated as a pony tumbled out of the pouch, landing on all four of her hooves as if she traveled by owl every day. The two witches looked at the newcomer without recognition. The pony looked back with half-lidded eyes. “Hello there,” Nissy ventured. The pony looked back with half-lidded eyes. “Are you going to say anything?” Bella asked. “eek,” said the pony. The sisters blinked. “Well, that was the calmest scream I have ever encountered,” Cissy admitted. “Do you have more? Or are you done?” Bella asked. “I have one more,” the pony said and then there was a pause. “eek.” “Now that you have that out of your system; would you like some popcorn? The story is getting good,” Nissy said, gesturing toward the telly. It was at that point that Pinkie stormed into the room. “Is everyone all right? I heard scre . . .” She took in a surprised breath. “Maud!” she called out as she flung her arms around the stock-still pony. “Maud, are you hurt? You were screaming your head off.” “Pinkie,” said the pony who still hadn’t moved. “Yes Maud?” “You’re not a pony,” said Maud. “Oh, right,” Pinkie said as she shrunk down to her four-hooved form. “It’s so good to see you! What a surprise! I’m so happy! Why didn’t you let me know you were coming?” “Pinkie,” Nissy scolded. “Don’t jump around like that. It isn’t good for the baby.” “You’re pregnant,” said Maud, still not having moved. “Yes! Isn’t it great!” Pinkie held a hoof to her mouth as she started giggling. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen your eyes go that wide before. It isn’t that big of a surprise.” The Black sisters looked at the half-lidded eyes of Maud before glancing at each other then turned their attention back on the ponies. “Perhaps introductions are in order.” Nissy ventured. “Sorry, sorry, sorry.” Pinkie beamed. “This is my big sister Maud Pie. Maud, these two are Narcissa Black and Bellatrix Black.” “Please to meet you,” Maud said calmly. “Likewise,” said Nissy. “Hello,” said Bella. “Maud,” Pinkie chided, tapping her sister’s shoulder with a hoof. “There’s no reason to be so suspicious. They’re friends. Family actually, they are cousins of my stallion.” Sirius decided it was time to rush into the room. “Have you seen Pinkie? She just took off like there were cupcakes burning somewhere.” Gloria stuck her head into the Hufflepuff’s seventh-year’s girls’ dorm room and called out, “Ruby? You in here?” “Go away, Gloria,” replied Ruby’s tear-filled voice. “Sorry, I can’t do that,” Gloria called back. “You got an owl. Well, actually, a visitor.” “A visitor?” Ruby sniffed. “You know, it just occurred to me that the wards around the school are completely useless at this point,” Gloria said. “Anyone can get in at any time they want, so long as they have someone here willing to let them out of an owl’s pouch.” “Gloria . . .” Ruby said testily. “Visitor?” “Right, sorry. I brought you a cute ball of fluff that you can cry your eyes out into.” “Ball of fluff?” Ruby shuffled off her bed and approached the other girl, reflexively looking down. “You!” she said with venom in her voice. “Me,” confirmed the pony. “Me too,” added Gloria. “Oh, shut up Gloria,” Ruby said before narrowing her eyes at the pony. “What do you want?” “You need to come fix this,” the pony answered. “Fix what?” “Torin Walker is a mess. You know how sensitive stallions can be.” “What do I care?” Ruby snapped. “You stole him from me.” “We. Do. Not. Poach. Colts,” the pony snapped back. “You had an argument. You both said hateful things, and you both ran away crying.” “He broke up with me,” Ruby snarled. “Stallions are overly emotional, prone to outbursts they don’t mean,” the pony snarled back, baring her fangs. “Didn’t your mother ever tell you that?” “Hold on,” Gloria said. “Just a minute. What is your name?” The two other females broke off their staring contest long enough to give her a bemused look. “I mean I can’t just keep on calling you ‘flufflepuff with fangs’ in my head. You have a name, don’t you?” “Shadow Flow,” the pony said. “Don’t mind me, I’m just trying to get my alpha mare to do her job.” “I’m not your alpha mare,” Ruby snapped. “Do you seriously think any of us are going to deny you that position?” Shadow Flow countered. “I don’t want anything to do with a herd,” Ruby snapped. “Yeah, yeah, we got that,” Shadow Flow said. “Humans are normally monogamous, and the mares have to be eased into the concept of a loving herd. I’ve heard the seminar. Now, can we do the easing later? We’ve got a hysterical stallion to deal with.” Ruby sputtered, then opened her mouth to say something only to sputter again. “Flufflepuff with fangs and no sense of tact,” Gloria amended. “When did my life become a bad romance novel?” Ruby complained. “Around one o’clock,” Gloria said helpfully. “Is she doing that on purpose?” Shadow Flow asked. “Sometimes, I seriously don’t know,” Ruby admitted. “Well excuse me for interrupting.” Gloria huffed. “You’re welcome to go back to growling at each other.” “She did kind of kill the mood,” Shadow Flow said. “Whatever. You can leave now. I told you I’m not joining your herd.” “You’ve got it backwards. We are trying to join yours . . . if you’ll just give us the chance.” “I thought I made myself clear in that regard.” “And we would have backed off to give you some space before approaching you again. It’s the whole ‘trying not to become extinct’ thing. We can’t exactly give up just because you are being culturally selfish.” “Culturally selfish?” “I’m not sure exactly. It was part of the seminar, but I kind of zoned out during parts, and I left the pamphlet at home” Ruby placed two fingers against her temple. “Damn it, you little creeps have got to stop making it so hard to stay mad at you.” “Flufflepuff with fangs and no sense of tact, yet still caring and lovable.” “Shut up, Gloria.” “So can we go to comfort -- I’m going out on a stalactite here -- ‘our’ stallion?” Shadow Flow asked hopefully. “What exactly do you want from me?” Ruby asked. “Just the basics for now. Stop our stallion from crying. Hug and make up with everypony. Maybe get to know your mares. Then some more hugging.” “Her mares?” Gloria looked at Ruby and gasped. “You’ve got minions! How is that fair? I want minions!” Shadow Flow looked warily at Ruby. “Is she joining the herd too?” “Is everybody ready?” Twilight asked as she entered the room. “The reservations are in one hour. Oh hello, a visitor?” “Hello, dear. I see you finally managed to pull your nose out of your book.” Sirius grinned as he greeted his first wife. “Say hello to Pinkie’s sister Maud. She received a letter from their mother letting her know that Pinkie was planning to visit the old homestead; so, she decided to pop over to Ponyville and share the train ride with her. Bon Bon was kind enough to forward her via owl.” “Be glad Sirius summarized for you,” Bella said. “Otherwise, there are some weird translations going on here.” “Bella,” Nissy growled. “What?” Bella shrugged. “I’m not exactly sure how I’m going to manage it, but for the sake of my sanity, I’m filing this entire conversation under ‘Pinkie being Pinkie’.” “Oookay.” Twilight turned on her heel. “I’ll just go and call the restaurant and let them know we need another seat. Pleased to meet you, Maud. Did you want to go as a pony or do you want a ring to turn human?” “Hello,” Maud said. Twilight paused midstep, waiting for an answer to her question. Everyone waited. “Pinkie, stop bouncing. Andi told you it’s bad for the baby.” And waited. “I can be a human?” Maud asked. “Yes.” Twilight nodded. “It’s not nearly as disorientating as you might imagine. Oh, I should warn you that humans are omnivores who eat meat.” “Oh . . .” . . . . . . “eek.” “Maud! Calm down!” Pinkie exclaimed. “Humans don’t eat ponies!” “Is she panicking?” “I think she’s panicking.” “Pinkie or Maud?” “Take your pick.” “Do something.” “Rictusempra,” Nissy intoned, pointing her wand at Maud. Maud stood there. “heh.” “Great, she’s gone from screaming her head off to laughing her head off.” Pinkie waved her hooves at her sister in worry. “Tickling charm?” Twilight asked. “Yes.” Nissy nodded. “I’m pretty sure that there isn’t anything like terminal calmness, but I didn’t want to put that theory to the test; so, I didn’t use the calming charm.” “Try something else!” exclaimed Pinkie. “This place is weirding her out!” “Quick cousin.” Bella suggested. “Hug and kiss her. No woman can resist some serious comfort.” There was a pause. “Did Bella just give me a complement?” Sirius asked. “Backhanded as it may be.” Nissy nodded. “The tickling spell is still working.” Maud said. “…heh.” Nissy quickly cancelled the spell. “Are you calm now?” Twilight asked. “Yes.” “Well, that was redundant to ridiculous levels.” Bella said. “Think your ready to go out and eat?” “No thanks.” Maud said. “I lost my apatite.” “Hehehe.” Pinkie giggled. “Even scared out of your mind, you haven’t lost your sense of humor.” The humans in the room looked at the pink pony as if… well as if she were Pinkie. “It’s a good joke.” Pinkie giggled. “Get it? Apatite, appetite. It’s rock humor.” The humans continued to stare. “Aw, just forget it, it’s time to end the chapter anyway.” Pinkie pouted “Pinkie, what are you tal……….