In a floating blue bus above the sky, Magical Douchebag and Backwards prepared to jump out of the bus down onto a building below. As the building came into view, Magical Douchebag shoved Backwards out of the plane, which sent him tumbling out as well.
The two fell for a little while, then Magical Douchebag pulled the parachute cord. Backwards also pulled the cord, except he became the parachute instead.
When they landed, Backwards and Magical Douchebag dumped their parachutes in the bushes. Magical Douchebag knocked on the door.
A man with blond hair and excessively dark sunglasses opened the door. “What the fuck there’s nothing here,” he said.
“Dude, your shades are too dark,” Magical Douchebag pointed out.
“Oh yeah,” said the other guy. He removed his sunglasses to reveal that he looked identical to Jonesy from Fortnite. “Hey, what’s up?”
“Apparently the author wants to keep the general plot of the story the same, so we’re here to infiltrate the thing.”
“Aight, lemme bring you to the kitchen.” On their way to the kitchen, Fortnite (yes that is his actual name) was quietly singing, “Ten kills on the board right now, just wiped out tomato town.” They passed a door which was sealed shut. The words on the door were slightly smudged, but Magical Douchebag made out “Phil Swift Clone #17 Handle With Care”. Seeping underneath the door was a clear sticky liquid which Magical Douchebag recognized as Flex Glue Clear, and definitely not some other sticky liquid that would require some other tag to be added. No semen here, yes sir.
They soon entered the kitchen, where an Australian man and another man that looked like Oswald Cobblepot were working. The Oswald Cobblepot lookalike washed dishes, while the Australian guy cooked meth. Ospot Cobblewald and Australian Drug Dealer continued their work in the kitchen. A vent was situated next to the sink.
“Ahem.” Ospot and Australian Drug Dealer turned their attention to Fortnite, who held a dog that wasn’t there five seconds ago at gunpoint.
“Whoever shoved a hot soup can up Edward’s is going to pay my dog!” Ospot threatened Fortnite. Ospot pulled an umbrella out of somewhere. The umbrella was black and had a blade at the tip. Ospot pointed the umbrella at Fortnite. Australian Drug Dealer poured what appeared to be cocaine into a paper airplane.
“If you don’t put that down, I’ll kill you to death until you die, every day for the rest of your life,” Magical Douchebag said, brandishing a baseball bat.
“You'll never catch me alive!” Australian Drug Dealer shouted, running out the back door. He dropped the cocaine filled paper airplane right next to the vent.
As Ospot charged, battle cry not included, ඞ the lights turned out, and everyone stopped. The sound of metal creaking was heard, as well as metal grinding on bone, and the screaming of Ospot Cobblewald. The metal object creaked again ඞ. When the lights turned back on, Ospot Cobblewald’s bottom half lay on the floor, guts not included. In the doorway behind Backwards was a man with light brown hair, green eyes, sunglasses, and a glowing golden crown floating above his head. He also for some weird reason was wearing a black and neon green winter coat.
“Excuse me but what the fuck did you just do?” asked the newcomer.
“Uh, I can explain?” Fortnite said with zero confidence.
“My office. Now. All of you.”
Loomis stared at Magical Douchebag, Backwards, and Fortnite from the other side of his desk. All four were seated in chairs, though Loomis’s chair was definitely higher quality. It was made of leather, and had red accents. Everyone else was in a metal folding chair.
On Loomis’s desk lay a pencil, a notebook, a laptop, a potted cactus, a letter from Vladimir Putin, the left eye of Grigori Rasputin, a nuclear launch button, and a picture of Arnold Schwarzenegger.
“So, mind telling me what you were doing in the kitchen with the dead body of my faithful assistant Ospot Cobblewald during a power outage?”
“Someone came through the vents,” Fortnite quickly said. “I don’t know who, but it’s probably not good.”
“Fine. I’ll investigate that. You are all dismissed.” As everyone prepared to leave, red lights and sirens went off in the entire building. The normal lights dimmed until it was almost black. Fortnite rushed out the door, followed by Backwards and Magical Douchebag. Loomis slipped out a little bit after them.
The sound of screaming echoed down the hall from the cafeteria. Fortnite equipped his gun and ran towards the sound, followed by everyone else.
When the trio arrived at the cafeteria, a dead body lay on one of the round tables. Three other people were sitting at the table, staring at the dead body, with half-eaten food on their trays. The corpse's face was planted in a pepperoni pizza.
"Excuse me, but what the fuck happened here?" Loomis asked.
"I was eating," said one of the guys unhelpfully, the one with the deformed neck.
"Ass, ass ass ass," said another one. The third one said something muffled which no one heard.
Loomis coughed to get everyone's attention. "All of you, clear out. I'm going to call each and every one of you into my office until we figure something out."
Everyone in the cafeteria quickly stuffed the last of their food into their mouths, got up, and left. When everyone was gone, Magical Douchebag turned his attention to a vent in the corner, one very similar to the one in the kitchen.
The vent creaked open, and out popped a jelly bean-shaped astronaut with a knife, at least a foot shorter than everyone else (the astronaut, not the knife).
"Hello, my friendos!" the astronaut greeted. "The name's Impostor. Coz I'm the greatest impostor, I'm an Among Us legend. Broke into the Skeld, slaughtered them like Veteran."
"You don't have to rhyme," Fortnite bluntly said.
"But I want to! Anyway, do you like what I did? Sliced a guy in half, snapped a guy's neck, I'm good, aren't I?"
"... you're hired," said Magical Douchebag.
"YES! I'm in the Legion of Doom!"
"We're gonna need to rename that, boys," Backwards said. "Don't wanna get confused with the Legion of Doom (DC Comics) or the Legion of Doom (My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic)."
"Did-did he just talk in parentheses?" Impostor pointed a disembodied hand at Backwards while looking at Fortnite and Magical Douchebag.
"Eh, we don't question it."
"I did find a dead body elsewhere, I don't know who it was. Haven't been here long enough to find out."
Cain knocked on the door to the laboratory belonging to Dr. Ovi Kintobor. The door opened to reveal a fat man clad in red with facial hair.
“Santa Claus?” Cain quietly said.
“Ho ho ho! I am not Santa you imbecile! I am Doctor Eggman, esteemed scientist and not a part time Jim Carrey impersonator.”
“Ooh. Hey, do you know anything about this blue hedgehog robot thingy majiggy I’m supposed to retrieve?”
“You must mean Metal Sonic. What do you want with him?”
“Someone told me to gather a team of villains, and he diagnosed Metal Sonic with chronic backstabbing disorder.”
“A team of villains, you say? May I join? I promise I won't backstab you for my own goals.”
Cain pondered Eggman’s request. “Maybe. I’ll check in with the other guys.” Cain tapped his new smart watch to send a message. “Anyway, the agreement between us all is that each of us recruits gets to pick a world, while everyone else gets a corner of that world.” Cain’s watch beeped. “Oh, and they said yes.”
Eggman moved to the back of the room to open a chamber. “This is where I keep him,” Eggman told Cain. “He’s a bit of a wild card.”
“We don’t have a home base yet,” Cain said. “You think you could make us one?”
“Bitch-Ass Motherfucker I have an entire fortress.”
“Eh, good enough. Welcome to the team, Egghead.”
The blue ram known as Grogar arrived at the foot of Foal Mountain, where Ponhenge once stood. Using the power that remained in the Bewitching Bell, Grogar put the rubble that used to be Ponhenge back together. He pulled a bottle of ink out of his saddlebag. He covered his hoof in ink, and drew a group of runes on the ground in the middle of Ponhenge.
He used a teensy bit of magic to charge the spell. A ball of darkness formed above the runes. Two hooves slammed out, then two wings, a head, and finally, the full glory of the Pony of Shadows. The Pony of Shadows yawned, then looked down at Grogar.
Standing fully upright, the Pony of Shadows was three times as tall as the ram who revived him.
“Grogar. How are you free? I thought you had at least another five thousand years before your escape.”
“Well, Cozy Glow’s plot weakened my prison enough for me to escape from the stars. I have to admit, Gusty’s a lot more powerful than most. She made a really strong prison, most expire after one thousand years."
"I'm guessing you need me for something, or else you would have done this yourself."
"Go to the location on the map I’ll give you, find the petrified remains of a storm creature, and bring them back here. If you have time, go to Canterlot Gardens to grab a certain statue of a centaur, changeling, and pegasus filly. I’ll head to the Well of Shade to do something else.” Grogar dug into his bags and pulled out a map, with a location marked “Canterlot Gravel Dumping Grounds”, and an X marked on the western side.
“Why exactly do I need to do this?” asked the Pony of Shadows, slightly confused.
“A wise man once said, ‘Villains must stick together like bubble gum and the bottom of school desks’ or something like that. In other words, strength in numbers.”
“And what will you be doing?”
“Resurrecting my army.”