"You have a problem." Sonja was peering at a great mushroom that had once been a building, or so she'd been told. "Never saw a rift that looked like that."
"And it's spreading, slowly." The great pony that had led her there was seated, facing it. "Your job is to stop that."
"And you haven't sent soldiers in there for... some reason, I assume?" Sonja snorted softly. "Don't know the army for just accepting this kind of invasion without taking a shot."
"Any soldier that steps inside becomes part of it. I can't risk them."
Sonja raised a brow high. That was admission that she was so much more disposable. "Yeah... What about setting it on fire?"
"We tried that the first day. Get in there, clear it out, and I'll get your friends that chance. That's the deal." His words were strict and even. There wasn't room for negotiating.
"Huh..." She considered asking to bring her friends along to help, but that'd be risking them. Though it was also their quest... Well, couldn't hurt to take a shot when offered. "Say. The others." She didn't know where to point, so she didn't bother with that. "They're adventurers. Why not let them be my spotters? More people, more odds of success."
"Your presence is tolerated only because you have some military clearance, however small." She couldn't see it, but she could imagine a frown under that metal. "This is a restricted area. Civilians and outside agents are not permitted, and they're both in most cases. Are you up for this job or not?"
Sonja drew her breath in a hiss that ended in a cluck of tongue against teeth. "Just lining up my shot. Alright, I'm not the sort that gives up on the aim. Time table?"
"You have three days." He raised a single hoof.
"One question." Sonja looked over the large guard. "Why did the first guard say 'ma'am'?"
The large figure leaned in. "It's not against the military laws to be genderfluid, merc. As far as she's concerned, I am a ma'am. That's between us, and has nothing to do with this mission. So let's put that away where it belongs." For being a she to at least one pony, his booming voice was heavy with masculinity. "Any other questions?"
"No. This is between me and my target now." Sonja advanced without further delay. "Just gotta find what's holding it down."
The rest of the party ate well. They were enjoying themselves. For however dour the rest of the town was at times, that inn proved to be a haven of civility and welcome. A platter floated over and settled on the table between them. The top yanked off with a faint metal against metal noise, revealing an assortment of light sweet snacks. "You all having fun over here?" The gem pony was smiling brilliantly, a glow coming from under her mane.
Jon gave a thoughtful huh. "You're a unicorn?"
"Hm? Oh, most of us are." She waved around the room in one circle. "This is a unicorn town. I just happen to be a little extra." She laughed as she sank to her haunches. "And the horn's not all that big." Her cheeks warmed, fur coloring with it as she looked away.
"There is no reason to feel timid. The proper length of a unicorn is not so rigid." Zecora's eyes were on her. "It is clearly long enough. No reason to fear it being in the buff."
"It's fine," joined in Jon. "Cute, really, and it does the job."
"You're both very nice, but pardon me if I draw a line here." She drew an imagined line in front of herself. "We've only just met. I want to be a good host, so let's stop talking about the size of my parts." She laughed nervously. "Enjoy your dessert, you sweet things."
Sues thumped Jon suddenly, hoof against his shoulder. "Ah ha, no wonder you were concerned. Your eyes are out for jolie mares." His brows waggled together. "Already an odd thing to be hunting, being a human. But then a stallion? No wonder you are overwhelmed, poor thing."
Jon coughed, cheeks going as bright as the gem pony's. "Uh, is that even a thing?"
"Is what?" Sues leaned in a few inches. "A man and a pony? I say yes. To be honest, we are two of the randiest races I am aware of. If our eyes fall on something that pleases us, what ancestry they call matters little, in the end." He shrugged softly. "Love wins in the end! Alofa!" He snapped up a treat from the platter. "Mmm, chewy."
There were a hundred questions in Jon's head. A pity about none of them reached his lips. At least the treats were tasty. "Hope Sonja's alright." That wasn't even a question.
"I am a lone cat," noted Black without being asked. "So count me out of those discussions."
Sues laughed at the idea. "Oh, yes. The feline species are far pickier, and flighty. Their romances, I have heard stories. But I am not one." He considered Black a moment. "I had wondered if you were like a pony or a cat."
"Cat." That answer came simply enough. "At least on that side. So keep your lust on your side of the table." That didn't stop him from pawing over a gumdrop like thing, which clearly pleased him with the way he chewed on it.
Zecora chuckled softly. "In this, I agree with our feline friend. Such desires I have yet to extend." She lifted her shoulders, looking at the others. "Single I am, and I am in no hurry. I am not sad, so no need to worry."
Sues nudged against Jon, leaning against him a brief moment. "Wahai sahabat, we are the only ones with any warm blood in us, even if yours is confused."
Jon pushed the zebra away, but only laughter came from it, as if the touch were just part of the game being played.
The interior of the mushroom was... disconcerting. Sonja advanced, jingling, but in a new way. Like the tinkling of a pixie's wing instead of the solid jangling of heavy metal parts. Her body felt flat and round all at once. It was a world of cartoons, and she had become one entering it. "Hate it."
Her eyes went from one fleeting thing to the next. There was no shortage of possible targets, but only one of them would actually end things. Shooting the others would likely draw a lot of attention, the violent kind. She lifted a tail that was too thick, with a tassel that was too small. "I want to talk to the boss. Where are they hiding?"
An equally animated looking pony grinned at Sonja. "Oh, he's taking a nap right now. Why don't you relax? We're about to play a game, you can join in!" He began to clap, but instead of the clops one might expect of a horse, it sounded like human hands as those hooves came together. "C'mon!"
"That isn't the shot I'm lining." Sonja turned away, walking in a new direction. "Have fun." The receeding 'aw' behind her didn't stop her from fleeing the strange not-pony. "How does Zecora handle it?" She was like that, like a cartoon, though a step up from what Sonja had become. "The sooner I can finish this..."
"You can't finish what you haven't started!" A mare landed on Sonja's back, hugging her from above. "You're looking so sour. It's because you're not playing."
Sonja shook herself vigorously, but the pony was still clinging to her in all its alien lines. "Get off me!"
"Not until you play!" The pony was clinging to her quite firmly. "It's fun!"
"Get your sight cleared." Sonja threw herself down, rolling on top of the clinging mare on the way to the other side. "Ah ain't in the mood!"
"Ow." The mare was dizzy from the squishing and the spinning. "You don't need to be that way... He isn't gonna talk to a sourpuss like you anyway!"
That got Sonja to wheel about on the mare. "You know where he is?"
"I'm not gonna say," sang the almost two dimensional pony. "You're just a mean grump. He doesn't want to talk to people like that anyway, so there."
He would very much likely not enjoy the words Sonja had for him, but she managed to hold that part in.
"Why wouldn't he?" Or maybe she didn't? "Are you planning something naughty?"
"This place is getting to me." She put a hoof over her face, the contact producing a loud slap noise she was sure she shouldn't make. "Please just show me the way to your boss." An idea! "He'll show me how to have fun, then we can play games."
The mare's eyes sparkled. "Oh! That's a good idea. I shoulda thought of that." She bounced up to all fours. "Follow me." And she pronked right past Sonja.
"Finally," Sonja grumbled, following after the bouncing mare. That bouncing motion... She was pretty sure any pony larger than a filly would find it quite uncomfortable. It was, perhaps, for the best that she had never met Pinkie.
The cheerful mare led the way to a grand bed. On the bed was a pillar of pillows. On top of the many pillows was a sleepy looking stallion. The stallion was not a cartoon, like most of everything else. He yawned as they approached. "Cindy? And a new one." His eyes locked on Sonja, as well as they could in half-slumber. "Hello..."
Sonja's teeth set. Was the stallion the anchor holding it down, or was he a victim? Would shooting him solve the issue, or just be casual murder? Why couldn't it just be a big bad monster? So many less questions... "Hello. Nice bed you have there."
"It's comfy." He sank, hugging the pillow under him. A great yawn paused his conversation, jaw cracking from how wide it was. "I'm still tired."
"Sorry!" The mare shrank back. "But she needs help." She waved a hoof at Sonja wildly. "She doesn't know how to have fun, and said you could help. You're the best, so I brought her here."
"Oh." He sat up slowly. "Good... job. Let me talk to her."
The mare nodded and bounced away, each bounce coming with a spring-like noise that receded with distance, laving them alone. "Are you from outside?"
Sonja's ears perked upright. "If I am?"
"Rescue me," he begged. "I've been--" He paused, having to yawn all the wider. "--trapped in here for... I don't know how long." He flopped against the pillow he was on. "Everything else is... It's like I'm in a dream, and I can't wake up." Two tears began to bead up, one on either eye. "I want to..."
"Alright..." The plan to shoot the stallion was aborted. "Do you know what's keeping this place here? I'll put a hole in it if you can point out a target."
"I wish I knew." He let out a piteous snort. "Or I'd try to... No that's a lie... If I get off this..." He tapped at the big pillow pile he was on. "I fall asleep, and they put me back on top."
Sonja quirked a misshaped ear. "Think it's the pillows?" She prodded at the pile suspiciously. "Could be the problem."
"Well don't set them on fire." He smiled sleepily. "I'm on top of them."
"That'd be a misfire..." She rubbed at her cheek. "What if we got you off, you went to sleep, and then fire?"
A moment of hope, but it faded quickly. "They're mad. What if they put me back on top while it's still burning..." He yawned despite the dire nature of the situation. "That would be... bad... to put it mildly."
Sonja winced at the mental image of that. "Right. Wait. Wait!" She was grinning, a thing that came easily to her cartoon body. "I have an idea. Let's take the shot."