I made it to my next class and took my seat, thankful that I had been able to do it without an incident, not counting the name calling or getting jabbed with pencils by students who "accidentally" bumped into me. I let them do it though, without saying a word, hoping that they would just leave me alone eventually. But I knew it was just a matter of time before there was another post and someone would lose there temper again and I'd have to go a couple more rounds as the "human punching bag". As the thought struck me I realized, I'm getting pretty sick of letting these people hurt me, I was seriously reconsidering my choice to not fight back, at least back when a student started something with me and I broke their nose they would think twice before messing with me again, even Gilda hadn't messed with me since I had broke hers.
As I sat down I sighed in relief knowing the day was almost over and then I could go back to being alone at home, though I wasn't looking forward to spending another Christmas by myself. This year was supposed to be different, I was supposed to have friends, supposed to spend Christmas enjoying homemade meals and warmth and good company. All I had to look forward to now was the all too real chance of freezing to death on my ratty stained mattress in the corner of my room in the abandoned warehouse that I had called home for the entire time that I had spent in the human world.
I was lucky I'd kept my home life a secret from everyone, not that it was hard, no one ever tried to pry into my life, not even my so called friends that where supposed to care if I was homeless or not. Not even ONE of them had ever asked me where I lived, out of the five of them Pinkie Pie was the only one to even ask for my phone number. It was one of my first truly happy moments with Pinkie, actually now that I think about it, Pinkie was the only one of the five that I've ever had a truly happy moment with. I remember every detail of it too, It was 4 days after the fall formal, my first day back since I had went home and locked myself in my room and hid, I was terrified of the thought of going back to school but I had continously thought about twilights words. Over and over again they crossed my mind as if on repeat, and I decided I didn't want to be alone forever, so the next morning I packed my school bag and returned to school.
As soon as I walked through the front doors I regretted coming back, all the glares and stares. I could feel the hate and rage rolling off most of the students I passed, a couple even stopped me in the hall just to threaten me about what would happen if I tried to rule the school again. The rest were afraid of me, having seen the demon inside me, the one I turned into, and feared that I'd somehow figure out a way to turn into the demon again. I made it to my locker and was switching out some of the books in it with the ones in my bag, when I closed my locker door there was Pinkie standing on the other side with the biggest smile on her face that I'd ever seen and yelled "Hi Sunset Shimmer!!!" I had almost fallen over in fright of Pinkies uncanny ability to pop out of anywhere, but the pink girl had grabbed my hands at the last second before I fell and steadied me.
"Whoa, sorry I didn't mean to scare ya, I was just soooo excited to be friends I just couldn't help it!"
She looked sad for a second and I knew she meant what she said, then she was back to that big smile of hers. It took me a second to overcome my shock but when I did I ended up looking Pinkie Pie right in the eyes and being blown away by just how beautiful those pools of blue were, and they were sparkling with all the excitement and life that the pink girl contained.
I blushed and looked away just to notice that we were still holding hands, Pinkie seen me as I glanced down and realized it too and blushed what I thought was a really cute hot pink before we both let go of each other's hands.
I was able to stumble out some actual words as I came back to my senses "You r-really want to be friends with me?"
Still blushing and failing miserably to hide it she said "Of course sill willy, I've wanted to be your friend for years!!!". "I just wasn't sure if you needed or even wanted any friends, Mrs Cake says I'm too forceful with getting everyone to become friends with me, and I was scared I'd screw something up and you wouldn't want to be my friend".
Being alone all my life, I jumped for the chance to have someone in my life again. "Yes......" I clamped my mouth shut as I realized I had been only a couple octaves low from shouting that, I looked around to see if anybody noticed but it seemed nobody was paying us any mind. Relieved I cleared my throught in embarrassment before I composed myself and spoke again. "I-...... yeah, that would be okay with me, maybe we could catch a movie together sometime!"
Pinkie had almost recovered from her blush when I said that and she immediately turned hot pink again from her poofy hair down to her shoulders and did what I considered a spot on impersonation of fluttershy before we made eye contact again. She brought her hands in front of her and started nervously playing with her fingers. Eventually she spoke. "I'd like that alot, could I get your ph-phone number?"
I don't know what it was but at that moment when she agreed to hang out with me, It felt like I had fireworks going off in my head and I reached out to her school binder that she was holding and snatched the pen out of the top. I quickly grabbed her free hand and scribbled my phone number on the back of her hand with a small sun next to it
She watched me as I wrote my number and as I finished the little sun, when I looked back up, Pinkie was smiling so big she was almost lit up like a Christmas tree. Before anything else could be said though the first bell rang telling everyone to head to class, I looked into those big blue eyes one more time before we said our goodbyes. Before I could move Pinkie surprised me with a quick hug before she disappeared down the hall with a "Bye sunny". I stood there for a moment stunned with my cheeks burning wondering why I felt all tingly and why I wished that hug could've lasted a bit longer, but before I could think too much on it I quickly came back to my senses and shrugged it off and headed to my next class, chalking it up to Pinkie just being Pinkie.
Even after the battle of the bands none of the other girls treated me even close to how Pinkie treated me! Still, even with how nice Pinkie was to me, none of the other girls tried to get close. Pinkie was the only one of them that ever got close enough to suspect I was homeless, but she never figured it out.
Now though I saw it as a small blessing in disguise, because if nobody knew where I lived then I was safe, at least at home.
And by now I was already praying for the day to be over so I could go back to my fortress of solitude and sleep, to feel the few moments of bliss under my blankets that sleep would bring, to be alone and to leave everything behind for those few moments of peace. Of course my daily ritual since my friends abandoned me would get in the way, but not for too long, just long enough to find a place on my body that I hadn't marred yet and leave today's tallys, another untold number on my skin of the abuse and heartache I'd endured.
"Great I'm back to thinking about this!" I said as I sat there watching the teacher drone on about something I'd already learned back in my early CSGU days.
"What was that miss shimmer?"
It took me a second to realize I'd spoken out loud, and the teacher had an expectant look on her face, waiting for me to answer, that expectant look quickly morphed into anger as she became increasingly more impatient with waiting for me to answer her.
"Well miss shimmer where waiting?" She said as she put her hands on her hips, more students turning to look at me.
I don't know what it was but for some reason I just couldn't respond, a huge lump formed in my throat that felt like it was the size of a bowling ball and seemed like it just would not pass, and the teacher looked like she had waited long enough as her posture straightened, and there was a twinkle in her eye, at me giving her a reason to punish me.
"Well miss Shimmer! Since you refuse to speak, you can go to vice principle Lunas office and she'll explain to you the rules of the classroom and how not to dirupt the class, now move Missy" she waited several seconds for me to move and when I didn't she stretched her arm out, pointed her finger towards the door and raised her voice as she boomed "OUT". I grabbed my bag and was out the door before she could try to add anymore days to the weeks of detention I was already dealing with.
Out in the hallway I started for the vice principals office, it striking me just how open the hallways where when they weren't filled with psychopaths trying to hurt me. Then another thought struck me as I was walking,"nobody knows where I'm at right now, it would be so easy to sneak off somewhere, maybe hide in the girls bathroom, or one of the unused classrooms or behind the stage, they would eventually find me but by then it would be too late. I'd had this thought more times than once, but those hadn't felt real, those times had felt more like (nah, maybe but not yet). This time however, It felt like a very serious moment one that could make or break everything, as if even one more thing would send me over the edge, and send me falling to pieces.
"SUNSET SHIMMER!!!"
Me and my minds big mouth!!! I turned to see Applejack storming towards me with the mother of all pissed off faces looking right at me.
"DO YOU KNOW WHAT YA JUST DID?!!!".
She all but sprinted the last few yards between us and grabbed me up by the collar of my leather jacket and slammed me against the lockers. "Do you know what you just did to me and Dash with that post Sunset?!!!". She had tears streaming from her eyes which was incredible in its own right, one of the first things I learned about the hardened apple farmer was that she didn't cry. One of the other most important things to know about this hardened apple farmer is that she's got the strength of a professional body builder
"I don't know what your-hrk" that was all I'd managed to get out before she grabbed me by the throat with her left hand and actually lifted me off the ground and slammed me again against the wall lockers, this time holding me securely against them with an iron grip.
"Ah don't want to hear it snake" she sneered in my face spraying spittle, what ever was posted it must of been really bad for the normally honest and fare farm girl to become so unhinged. "Mah family is so old fashioned mah granny is still trying ta mary me off." I felt her grip tighten on my throat. "Do you know what's gonna happen when they find out ah'm a lesbian?" "Ah'll be ostracized by my own clan, and mah granny and mac and bloom will be black sheeped if they don't disown me"
She stared into my eyes for a moment before she spoke again, by this time I was probably starting to turn blue.
"The Wonderbolt military academy is just as old fashioned as mah family, they automatically reject any applicant in Ah homosexual relationship!"
"With one post you've ruined mah life, and the dreams of the one Ah love!!!" If it was possible her grip got even tighter, if I could see her hand I knew without a doubt she was probably white knuckleing my throat.
"I ought to snap yer neck right here and now!!!".................
.................................
.................................
"But Ah wont"
I felt her grip finally release from my throat and my jacket, and I fell to my hands and knees gasping for breath and I clasped my aching throat with one hand as some of the color came back to my face.
"Of all the good people that ah've known in my life, all those good people that lost their lives........ mah parents..........grand apple..........!"
"The fact that your still here and they aren't is insulting to everything Ah know and stand for, and that's the honest truth!"
Sometime during her speech I had looked back up at her and she looked me in the eyes as she said the last part, boring into me with those pools of green. I could clearly see there was no doubt in those eyes about the words she'd said and the feelings they conveyed.
Applejack took a step back but didn't break eye contact as she spoke her final piece. "Ah hope you get wats coming to ya, and if I never see you again, it'll be too soon, goodbye Sunset Shimmer!!!"
As she said the last word she broke eye contact, turned and walked down the hallway never looking back, but I didn't see it, I was already running in the other direction trying to find someplace I could hide and be alone where no one could find me.
..................................
I ran until I was safely hidden behind some of the backdrop props backstage in the gymnasium. As I sat down with my back against one of the backdrops I felt something wet on my face, I brought my hand up to wipe my eyes and I realized I was crying. Why did this have to happen, why did anonamiss have to push me so far, and bring me to this point? Why didn't I just give up and leave this place? If only twilight would open the portal, I'd rather be imprisoned in equestria than live here!
"Well the decision is finally made" I thought as I began rolling up my sleeves, when that was done I reached into my coat pocket and retrieved my straight razor. Opening it up a memory flashed into my mind of the the pony that'd given it to me.
("A mare protégé, surely you jest your majesty!!!?"
"I assure you this is no joke ambassador, and you would do well to remember courtesy and respect in my house"
"Yes your majesty my apologies, I had simply realized I'd assumed wrong in the gender for which my present was intended." He looked at me with contempt as he approached me with a neatly wrapped box, he came forward and stood still a moment glaring at me before he glance at princess Celestia then back to me. He pulled the cover off the box to revile a straight razor stored neatly in a velvet box. After uncovering the razor the ambassador spoke saying "forged by our finest smith's and sharpened by the masters of our homeland, the handle is made of pure quick silver and is engraved with the cutie mark of the pony it is gifted to, the blade is made of a special blend of only the finest rare metals forged together with alchemy and honed into this blade!!!"
The ambassador took a couple of moments to speak "such a magnificent blade!!! I only hope that you do not kill yourself when you mishandle it, such a blade is meant for a stallions use, for we are the ones with the power to wield them!"
I looked at the ambassador with eyes full of anger, then the silver handled blade he offered and said
"It will take alot more than this blade to kill me, and if i wasn't ordered by the princess to be respectful I'd show you just how powerless you are, and any other stallion that would dare challenge me, remember that!")
Now all these years later, I stared at the blade as if entranced, holding the blade firm in my right hand, I brought the edge of the blade to my left hand and forced the blade into the flesh of my palm. The pain was white hot, burning like a fire under my skin so intense my mind started to swim from the pain. Then I steadily pulled the blade up, across my wrist and halfway up my forearm, the pain was so intense I almost blacked out, but I didn't and was left in a state of mental numbness. I could still feel all the pain but I didn't care, at this point it almost felt good, since it was so different from the pain I felt in my mind. The blood was pouring from my arm in Scarlett rivulets that cascaded down to the small pool that was forming on the ground. I watched the blood continue to gush from my arm for a few seconds before I pulled the blade from my skin. The cut was long and deep, and spilled my life blood out like a broken water pipe. With sluggish, heavy movements I placed the freshly blood stained blade in my shaking, jerking left hand, trying to ignore the searing pain long enough to complete my task. With the rapidly fading motorskills that I had left in my mutilated arm, I turned my sights on my right arm.