So, apparently a lot of fans out there have been pairing me with different ponies. So, because I always like to give back to all you fans (and Iām desperate for more content), Iām here to give you my opinions on all these pairings.
Here goes~!
Ohmygosh, I love Izzy! In the friend sorta way. I tell ya, I took one look at her, and I knew in, like, one second that that unicorn was built for the stage. Infectious smile, bubbly personality, wit and charm!
Just like looking in a mirror~!
And it was such a shame that her talent was squandered for so long being trapped in such a depressing place as Bridlewood. Glad that sheās now on social media and spreading her cheer to all of Equestria!
(Though she now has more followers than me on PonyGram and itās lowkey kinda weird. Is this what it feels like to be yesterdayās trend? To be a has-been? To watch a new, young, shiny star eclipse your once iridescent fame?
Is this what it feels likeā¦
ā¦to be OLD!?)
But Iām only 21!
Another lesbian ship, huh? Well, I guess I never said I didnāt like girls in that wayā¦
Sunnyās cool too! Sheās a worldwide hero, but of course you donāt need me to tell you all that. Iāve been giving her lessons on how to manage being a celebrity (itās harder than you think!), and sheās such a quick learner, you know. Like, during that dance match with Alphabittle, she picked up dancing so fast, it was like, actually uncanny. Like, TBH, it took me a lifetime of practice and a dozen tutors to finally get good at dancing on stage. And she masters it in, like, ten seconds. Like, Iām telling ya, Iām lowkey kinda jealous.
I really need to get Sunny to be a guest on one of my livestreams. Help me generate new content. And, you know, itāll kinda smooth out the whole āroyals lying that they can flyā issue if Iāve got the pony who brought flight magic back to distract my viewers.
Gosh, donāt you just love getting cancelled?
ā¦
ā¦
NOT!
Hitch is a wonderful stallion. Much better than all those snooty ponies from Zephyr Heights that Mom used to set me up with. Heās moreā¦down-to-earth Iād guess you say.
I didnāt tell you, that first night the five of us ponies were camping, Hitch accidentally fell asleep on my wings like a pillow. Oh my gosh, his head was so heavy! And it was really hot and sticky that night, and his sweatā¦it soaked in! And you know my downy wings canāt get wet! I mean, not that I hate him for it or anything. He was really embarrassed when he woke up the next day, and he apologized to me a ton. And that was nice. But I still wouldnāt want Hitch to fall asleep on my wings on a hot night ever again.
(Next time, itāll have to be someplace air-conditioned.)
Hitch is a good pony. He has morals. He supports his friends. And most importantly, that perfect maneā¦
Weāve all parted ways, now that magic has returned. I wonder where Hitch is now. Sunny tells me heās starting a new pet daycare. I wish the best for him, and wherever his future journeys lead him, to Maretime Bay, or Bridlewood, or Zephyr Heightsā
No, heās not in Zephyr Heights. Definitely nowhere near Zephyr Heights.
And definitely nowhere near my bedroom.
And heās definitely, definitely not in the shower right now. š
ā¦
My sister!?
Come on, there canāt actually be fans that think weā¦
ā¦ohā¦
ā¦oh good lord.
How do you perma-delete your search history again? (Mental note: use BuckBuckGo next time.)
I will admit though, Zipp and I look really different, and a lot of ponies who meet us for the first time canāt believe that weāre siblings. The funniest response I remember was two years ago, when Zipp and I went on winter vacation to Buckinridge Mountain (Zipp shreds powder down the double black diamond slopes, I sit and drink hot chocolate while showing off my winter wardrobe). And the poor baggage attendant, bless his soul, said to me, āMadame, may I escort you and your husband to your room?ā
And then after that Zipp locked herself in the hotel bathroom the whole afternoon and had this whole, like, āidentity crisis.ā (Which I may or may not have secretly livestreamed with an air freshener camera.)
The point is, Zipp and I are really different. Sometimes Zipp and I joke about which one of us is the adopted one.
I donāt know that makes this ship less creepy or more creepy.
My mom!? Seriously, enough with these.
Izzy introduced me to Alphabittle. He actually gave me a lot of useful marketing tips to help boost my album sales! Who knew that being a gambler also makes him a good businessman?
But yeah, no. Noooo way. Heās almost three times my age!
Ugh. What a jerk. And I hate a man with mommy issues.
Also, didnāt he make some homophobic comments at one point? Ugh, Iām so triggered.
(Not that Iām attracted to mares myself, but wellā¦youā¦you know what I mean.)
Okay, the biggest sin with this is, like, the implication that I still use a selfie stick.
Really!? Come on, get with the program! Selfie sticks are so, like, five years ago!
You know what isnāt āso five years agoā, though? Crypto and NFTs!!
Really? You just had to pick up off that last line I said, didnāt you?
NFTs are for making money, not making love. And just because I bought an overpriced NFT of the September page of Hitchās calendar, doesnāt mean you have to, like, rub it in my face.
Okay, first, that was for a music video. It was artistic. Artistic, you hear me!?
And second, why should you care that I rolled around naked in a pool filled with golden Bitcoins? Filly, look at your own pony self in the mirror sometime. Weāre all butt naked.
Why do we have almost the same name? And is she wearing a military uniform or something? Itās certainly nothing like what our royal guards wear.
First of all, heās a kid. Funny his name is Pipsqueak, because he honestly does kinda look like some of my child fans.
But why does he look soā¦how do I say this without being offensiveā¦
ā¦flat?
Sheās a pop star like me, I guess. But whatās with all these 2D ponies?? I feel like Iām gazing into some alternate dimension.
Well, that wasā¦interesting to say the least! Canāt say Iām all that honored by my fandom, butā¦content is content I guess! Remember to like and fav this story, and follow my Fimfic page for updates on my upcoming cryptocurrency, Pippcoin!
Oop, it's my turn to get in the shower! Bye for now! Pip pip hooray~~!!!