Can you ever know me? Can you ever truly say we know each other, if the fates deign to keep us apart? I spiral darkly down, circling ‘round your perfect beauty, and fall further from the grace of your light. It is the only thing keeping me tethered to this miserable little rock. Were it not for the warmth of your touch and the pull of the earth I would cast myself free from this place, never to return.
I say this and you insist that you’d follow me. Would you really leave them behind? I know it’s cruel of me to question your love, your loyalty, but I must ask regardless. I know the answer just as well as you do. Your place is with them — It always has been. Just as my place is slightly removed, kept in the quiet shade of memory reserved for lesser bodies.
I have been fighting it. I want you to know that. If you know nothing else of me after I’ve gone. I have seen the darkness that laps at my fetlocks and pulls my wings down to my side and I have fought against it as best I can. I fear it has a hold of me already. I fear that perhaps I was born in its clutches and I shall die in its grip and I will never know a moment that isn’t soaked in inky blackness.
I have learned that immortality does not inure one to any sort of painlessness. I have learned that, even as wounds close and broken bones snap into place and torn tendons resew themselves, the pain is still there. The pain never leaves. Would you let me hurt if I said it was to feel closer to the little ones? Would you let me bleed if I said it was my attempt at living a life stolen from us?
I know She positions herself as our enemy but isn’t she me, in a way? Isn’t She both of us? Or do I misunderstand why you cry, late at night when you think nopony is awake to hear you. I think She is more like us than anything else in this life or the next and for that reason alone She should be shown some sort of understanding. She should be shown some sort of mercy.
I have dreams where I’m not a princess. I have dreams where you’re not a princess either. We live together and love together and our lives are full of the delicious complexity that should always be a part of a pony's life. I dream of parties and friends and jobs that don’t demand you kill the ones you love. Jobs that don’t demand She kill you. Jobs that don’t demand the death of every living thing.
I threaten to smother this world in darkness. I am not incorrect when I insist that it deserves as much. Do you see what it has made me into? What it’s made us into? You say you’d sooner see it all burn than choked to death under infinite night. I feign surprise and you chuckle. It is good to hear you laugh; one of the very few good things left to me. You know Her too. She is different in you than She is in me; more headstrong, more brash. The ponies are lucky to have someone as kind as you to guide them.
I think you’re lucky. You have the light instead and the light has you. You can shield your eyes or seek shelter from the brilliant sun. I am mired in the murky depths of a destitute soul, too far down for even a shred of sunshine to penetrate. The only light that finds purchase in my psyche is you, dear sun; only you have ever broken through. It is through your gift that I see at all and when you are gone from my side my vision leaves me stranded.
Please, sister, do not leave me. ☽