Don’t get me wrong; Dream sex is a good replacement for the real thing. I mean, it’s pretty fuckin’ solid, all things told. There’s not really a debate there. However, slipping between the dreamscape and the mindscape starts making things a pain in the arse around the time one finds themselves copulating with the wrong person. It’s also awkward as fuck to see my penis disappear inside Twilight only to pull it out of Noir, so yeah. Nah. Don’t get too high before passing out, especially if we’ve already been ‘active’ in the night. Oddly enough, I woke up with Twilight’s cheeks keeping me extra warm as I was technically helping her wear her clothes. No penetration. It was weird and kinda unexpected, but a relief all the same.
Instead of getting up and ruining the moment, I appreciated the peace of the morning for what it was. Cherry’s warmth kept me cosy sans-blanket, and there wasn’t a single thing in our day to worry about. At least, not at that particular moment. I could rest where I lay for a while longer, and getting up wasn’t on Twilight’s to-do list when she woke up either. In fact, the sun was still holding the horizon, so we napped on and off. At least, Twilight napped. I ended up getting dragged into the mindscape from the dreamscape because oops.
Noir’s irritation was… More mild than I was expecting, given that I’d actually considered the possibility of accidentally sexing her up. She snagged me practically the moment that I dozed off, glaring at me on sight. “Maximus. You annoy me. You annoy me without. Compare.”
Pursing my lips, I sucked air through my teeth and nodded. “Yeah… Sorry…”
She rolled her eyes, seeming a touch more annoyed. “I only knew of the passing moment; The sensation did not accompany the vision. That said, I have seen your penis from both of our perspectives.”
“Well, that’s just not fair-” She raised a brow. “To you! It’s not fair to you! Such an- Uh- So awkward! Yeah, that’s it!”
At the very least I was still clothed, otherwise she might’ve taken the easy target with the look in her eye alone. Even then, pyjamas didn’t feel adequate to defend against a flick from her, let alone a punch. “Indeed. Shall we rectify this injustice, Maximus?” Uh- “Oh? Would you prefer to not know the sight of your sexuality from another’s eyes? Or are you repulsed by your intrusive fantasizing, as one may be?”
… And we’re back to mean Noir… I wasn’t fond of her tone, nor was I terribly enthused with the fact that her aggravation seemed to grow with her own words. Barking back was my first move, but it failed every time. Arguing with Noir just ended with both of us hurt and letting it go. “... You’re hot as fuck, Noir. Tall, dark, dashing, dangerous.” I shrugged. “I can’t help that you’re brilliant and ingenious. Can’t really do anything about your hotness either-”
“You are an irritating creature,” She deadpanned.
“And you’re hot, so get fucked, nerd!”
Noir scoffed, smirking at me. “Only in your dreams, dork.”
She just- Counter Quip!? I didn’t have a response to that. My Mentor’s smugness deepened considerably as I failed to find a suitable retort. She’d beaten me at my own game, so it made sense for me to try my luck with hers. Tackling Noir was and has always been a dumb idea, but feinting her wasn’t half bad. I rushed Amazon Alicorn and she failed to react to the feint beyond a mild jolt. Seeing that I had actually taken Noir by surprise for once, it made sense to follow through and try for a cheeky little take down.
Unfortunately, Noir’s the single tallest pony I’ve ever met and is also the heaviest. Not to make more excuses or anything, but her centre-of-gravity is closer to her waist anyway, which didn’t help at all. Her stupidly long legs, dress, and agility meant that a single-leg take down was my only legitimate option since a momentum-based technique would just get me thrown. To a point, that would’ve been a preferable outcome.
My Mentor let me get a solid grip on her and give it the ol’ college try, but she did not move. She did not move, at all. “Maximus. Recant that thought-”
I looked up and scoffed. “What thought!? You mean ‘fuck’? Because I’m still holding your thigh and you didn't move!”
She sniffed and snatched me up before I could go anywhere, proving that it had been foolish to try in the first place. Being face-to-face with her considering the past thirty minutes might have brought a manly, masculine warmth to my cheeks. As a red-blooded manly man of menly man-stuff, it was natural to at least make an attempt toward ignoring the ungodly mammaries that Noir walks around with. However, having that woman’s gaze boring holes into your head kind of makes a guy just face her instead of shying away. Even while embarrassed out of one’s fuckin’ mind.
“First of all, Maximus, I am not fat. I am a sculpture in motion.”
I cleared my throat before answering. “I mean- Yeah…”
Noir made a slight noise of approval and narrowed her eyes. “Second, you know it was foolish to attempt anything other than a momentum-based assault with an opponent my size.”
“... Well…”
“So what was your goal? To rush recklessly into a training session?” She intoned so drily, I nearly requested a cup of water to help wash down the message. “Well? Are you-”
I looped my arm around her neck, garnering a pause. “Blackberry. I’m sorry.”
Noir held onto her retort, nibbling the inside-bit of her lower lip. “... For what?”
“For tackle-hugging your thigh instead of your waist-parts. And, y’know, having an odd moment of legally ambiguous sexual tension.”
She blinked slowly and sighed, but her glare was crippled by the direction her lips curved. “... Terrible. A terrible apology.”
“I’m terrible and you accept me,” I snorted.
Her eyes softened and she gave into the smile. “... That I do, Max. As foolish as it may be… You are an exceptionally acceptable being.”
“And you’re an Alicorn.”
“A more obvious statement is hard to make-”
“I love you, Blackberry. Even if you are a tosser.”
She shut up for a moment, blinking once or twice. “... I see.”
“Do-” I felt her shift and saw the grin. “Noir, no- Noir. No-”
“Noir, yes!” She growled, yeeting me, myself, and my person into the air like a blooded Australian.
Her extra-boomer arse just decided to be the rudest creature while letting me fly higher and higher. She didn’t need to throw me that damn hard, even if protecting myself in the mindscape was more of an expected thing rather than a surprise at that point. Given that statement, I did catch myself with some creative thinking, using a Spider-Man 2 style web to sling myself off of literally nothing. Still, it’s not stupid if it works and that shite prevented me from doing a big splat.
I landed in Swindon. Why I’d landed in Swindon was Noir’s business. I knew how I felt about being there and she damn well knew herself. There was a point and I could be patient for a few more minutes, but I was more than a touch irritated at this point. However, walking around didn’t expose her presence to me. Either she’d just wanted me to bugger off for a bit or she was fucking with me in a particularly mean fashion. I couldn’t expect a multi-millennia old being to be on-point with modern trends, though it still seemed a touch cruel to throw me back to a place I’d never see again.
Noir didn’t come to me, so I went to her with a little friend I’d found online. Zone-tan had made some… Interesting works on Earth, but my fondest creation is and always will be the same little friend-o. I met her face to face under the willow near our pond, but her cheeky grin was a touch flighty. “... I do not trust your expression, Maximus. Whatever it is-”
“Whatever do you mean?”
She furrowed her brow. “Cease. I apologize-”
“I’m not doing anything, though.”
“Your nasty little plot, Maximus. Cease its creation and implementation.”
“Lemmy, see about that, yeah?”
Noir stared at me from her seat. “Why did you emphasize-” Her voice died in her throat when Lemmy came into being, his tentacles wiggling jiggly-style. “Evertide, hold my Anima…”
“Hm?”
She shook her head, not giving me an ounce of mind. “No…”
“Noir-” Lemmy started moving without my orders, meaning that Noir had taken control of the construct. The problem with that happened to be the amount of terror radiating from the single most intimidating entity I’ve truly known. Blackberry spilled out of her seat and backed away, even after I’d wrested control from her and made the creature completely still.
It didn’t really matter. Her eyes were glued to the thing, misting as she saw scenes I wasn’t supposed to share. “Please… Please… Help-”
It doesn’t take all that much to really piss me off, I guess. Not if I actually consider the actions themselves. Pouring a drink on someone is disrespectful, sure, but not really harmful per se. Spitting on someone? Gross and, again, disrespectful, but not wounding. However… Noir. She, of all people, does not ask for help. Forgiveness, yeah. Help, though…? Nah, I had to ice Lemmy in front of her. Granted, the creature amuses me, but murderating the shit out of it seemed to be the help Noir needed.
Constructed spears pierced the tentacle beast from the ground up, holding it off my lovely grass. “One mo’ yeah?” I pointed at Lemmy and set it on fire, but used black flames for the effect. It was interesting.
Noir continued staring at the creature as it was consumed by my bonfire. “... Die…”
I nodded, walking over and sitting next to her. It wasn’t like I didn’t know exactly how the thing would burn away, but it was a moment to share all the same. That feeling of ‘sonder’ hit me harder than ever before. The sensation of knowing and comprehending that one will never truly know or comprehend everything from another’s mind. To know that you, yourself, can never experience how someone felt from their own precipice. Whether success awaited the next step or one’s own demise, neither experience would ever truly equate between two souls.
“... So…”
My Mentor let her breath escape her grasp, allowing me to slide my hand behind her wings and rub her shoulder-blades. If her tone were colder, I’d have been less worried. If she were angry, I would’ve been less concerned. Noir’s neutrality was unsettling to say the least. “... A familiar monster. How do you know of it?”
I shrugged. “Internet. Is it like the Lursite?”
“Hunted into extinction. Yes. Predominantly by my own hand,” She answered, literally underneath my fingertips, yet further away than I’d felt before. “Eleven years, one hundred and seventy-seven days. Each and every one. Burned. Slashed. Slaughtered.” A ghostly smile came to her lips as if reliving the memories. “... They were horrid creatures. Invasive. Eldritch, and in dire need of culling. They were not great foes. They were vermin to exterminate.”
There are questions that don’t need to be asked, bruv. “... I’m sorry.”
She snorted. “It was a joke… A humorous jab for my own… I knew that my ploy was dirty, though I felt it… Reasonable. It was not, despite my justifications… You, however, meant no true harm. The fault is mine.”
“Noir…” I tried holding her head to my chest, but she’s still a lot taller than me. I got a chuckle out of her, in any case. “Okay, so you’re still bigger than me and that’s fine. Still, though. Swindon isn’t… It’s not a deep wound. It’s a scar that’s still healing, but those scabs are done with an’ all that. An intended jab doesn’t really strike the same as a full-on blindside, y’know?. I… I am sorry, Noir. I didn’t mean to open Pandora’s Box.”
She held me to her side and chortled a time or two. “... I thank you for your tact.”
“I appreciate you for being straightforward for once-”
“Then allow me to continue,” Noir interrupted, taking my chin in her fingertips as if holding a Fabergé Egg.
There weren’t many things I could generally expect from Noir, and such a tender embrace wasn’t on the list of things I considered likely. The context didn’t really make sense to me either, no matter the mental-hoops I jumped through. A bigger waste of time was hard to find, so I gave up after a moment. The cabin was our destination; It was a subconscious thing on my part. The sofa was fine and all, but the hearth set itself ablaze and the air filled with the warm aroma of mulled cider and pine.
Oh… “I’ve always liked fall best…” I admitted softly.
“As have I. For many, many years.”
Being on top wasn’t unusual, but being on top of Noir… A different experience every time. “You ever think about how Orion’s Belt and ‘Sola’s Sash’ look exactly the same?”
“No matter the night, yes,” She chuckled. “And you… Have you ever noticed the galaxies above?”
“... Yeah. You could only ever hope to see half of it from Earth.”
“And yet you strode the stars and perhaps even reality itself. You have travelled far, only to land in the clutches of this sinister mare~”
I leaned in, sighing. “Sinister, huh?”
Noir held me as close as she could. Our noses were touching, her horn pressed against my forehead. “It is a term more apt than you would associate with me… A descriptor I have heard in passing many, many times.”
I kissed her cheek, just above her jaw. Noir giggled and coaxed an unstoppable smile to my lips with her tender caress. “Mmm… While I believe it used to be as accurate as any statement about you…” I hesitated, smirking a bit. “Is it still true?”
Her grin was too warm to keep up my bravado, melting the machismo out of me in two seconds flat. Noir kissed me, holding me to her for just a moment. “... Maximus, would you stand by my side-”
“Yes.” My Mentor had no business asking stupid questions. That’s my thing.
She rolled her eyes. “Even in the face of the Equestrian Diarchs? Or rather, the Triarchy of Ali-”
“Noir. Yes.” Starting to get silly, now.
Blackberry’s laugh rang through my chest as if a bell was ringing between her breaths, which was pretty fuckin’ rough. She’s loud. However, turning down the volume would’ve lessened the effect. “Oh… Maximus, you are a fool… But a wonderful one with an odd amount of insight. A touch blind, but insight all the same…”
“You’re gonna get kissed if you keep insulting me.”
She snorted softly. “... Would I receive a kiss were I more open with you?”
“More than a kiss if that’s a genuine offer, Blackberry.”
My Mentor nodded, laying back with me on top of her. As comfortable as I was… There was plenty of disquietude to follow throughout our conversation. It’s not my place to record what she told me, but the only comfort I had for her was that the abominations of man and monster that had hurt her were no longer around to do so. That her crimes were long in the past, even if that was normally a point of dysphoria. She did ask me for a few moments to herself, so I left the room instead of exiting the mindscape entirely.
It hadn’t been what Noir intended, more or less asking me to leave and go back to my comfortable reality. To escape from the misery she was feeling so that I wouldn’t share or sympathize. She told me telepathically that she’d wanted me to go back to Twilight once my defiance of her precise meaning was clear. I wasn’t leaving until I knew she was okay. It wasn’t in me. I felt my eyes begin to close, so I used my fingers to hold them open, but my vision slowly turned black anyway and I felt myself shift until I was lying on my side.
Twilight was still snuggled up in my arms, but I had another heart to mend. One that had lent me more wisdom than I’d ever attribute to myself, and that had beat with my own to ease my pain. Noir’s past wasn’t pretty. Nothing more to be added as far as depth on that. However, not being able to step into the world and fix her mistakes… It tears her apart, and Blackberry has never been the type to wear her emotions on her sleeves. I gave her a moment or two. A few minutes to stretch as she could because I knew she could.
Staying out of the mindscape hadn’t been in the plan at all, so I dove back in with barely one-hundred and forty seconds having passed. Shut up, I know counting them was unnecessary, but fuck you. The cabin was as we’d left it, though the weather had changed a bit further. The autumnal briskness came to bite with a sharper breeze and a cloudy sky. Fuck all that noise. Misery is for Stephen King novels and me when I have hope instead of educated suppositions and guesses.
I warmed it up a bit and let the scent of fall rise through a light fog, the earthy scent of the forest’s decay reminding me deeply of Swindon. It wasn’t home, but the scent reminded me of the Whitetail Woods as well. The Everfree, to a point. The wild, where I’d found another kind of freedom, and that kind of… It wasn’t apathy, per se, but a form of confidence bordering on arrogance. Noir… Noir is more to me than almost any other, and I’d be damned nine ways to the Inferno if I sat on my hands with my thumbs up my arse while I could do something to help her.
She was breathing more easily than she was when I’d left her, though a more baleful glare could seldom be found. I didn’t know what to say to her, so I sighed and shrugged. “I-”
“Not even three minutes.”
“Sue me,” I snorted, folding my arms.
Noir’s arm lay over the back of the couch, the high, rolled-over arm allowing her to recline. Still, she’s long as fuck and wasn’t in cuddle-mode. Her sigh was discouraging, but she didn’t say anything to the contrary when I came over, vaulted the couch, and crawled right back on top of her. “... You know, in all the time I have spent within my sister and within Luna, I have never told a single soul any of what I have just told you,” She murmured, letting me close the distance a bit more. “None that would hear my thoughts so clearly, without charter or restraint… Few that would presume to approach with no permissions granted-”
“Blackberry… You’re so deep inside me, this isn’t even reciprocation by half.”
The look she gave me was fuckin’ worth it. “I can still hit you. Easily, may I add.”
She didn’t hit me before, during, or after the kiss. “That was a good chance, I’d say.”
“Then would you be pressing your luck?” Noir intoned drily.
“What makes you ask something that dumb?”
Her brows furrowed and her eyes narrowed. “I beg your pardon?”
“Okay, so if I needed your permission to be this close, you’d have corrected the ‘assumption’.”
“Yes, though-”
“If I was pressing my luck, you wouldn’t have let me come back to the mindscape.”
“True as well, but-”
“Noir. If the unspoken must be spoken for the senile among us,” She snorted and rolled her eyes, grinning despite her little theatrics, “then I’ll state the obvious; I trust you with my literal soul. If you say it, I… More or less believe it… If that goes both ways, then you know that my love and acceptance for and of you and who you are doesn’t change until I can’t trust you anymore.”
“... Until one truly betrays you, they will hold your love…”
“... I don’t think I have anyone more loyal and… Awesome, in so many senses-”
“Cease. I have no pancreas, yet I need insulin.”
I shot her a dirty look. “You’re well within stabbing range.”
“Do it, then.”
“I will-”
Noir rolled her eyes and answered while propping her head up with her free hand. “Do it, coward.”
I sniffed. “Maybe I don’t feel like it right now?”
“Then when would be a better time?”
I pretended to think about it. “Uh… How do you feel about frenching?”
It was oddly cute when Noir had to think about modern terminology. Her cheek always raised just a touch, lifting the corner of her mouth. “As in ‘french kissing’?”
“Yeah.”
“Your tongue would be less apt for ‘stabbing’ than my own, then.”
I shrugged. “Like the Warbling Blade against ol’ Mordemor.”
She sighed. “Mordemor…”
“Don't sigh your sword’s name more sexy-like than mine, Blackberry. I’m wounded-”
“He is harder, longer, and far sharper than you, Max.” I couldn’t reply to that, honestly. “Not to mention he is a very handy fellow with a wonderfully far reach-”
“Oi. The moment, though.”
“Were we having one?” Noir asked innocently.
My reaction wasn’t terribly genuine, though just a touch. “Ouch, dear, you might as well snag the papers and a lawyer.”
Her lips curved and she laughed lightly, though she held me down when I tried to move. Her smile grew warm again, though I could hardly guess what she was thinking. I didn’t really want to. If I was meant to know, she’d tell me. “... I have known two people as intimately as I know you, or rather, I have known them as completely. This time is different.”
As generous as Noir’s physique is, her fingers have never been much thicker than my own. Longer, sure, though also not by much. As assuring as her touch was, her hands were kind of small for her stature. I held the dorsal side of her hand to my lips for a moment and traced the ridges beneath her fur. Ponies are weird. They smell weird. “It’s rude to speak of past relationships with your current lover.”
Noir cupped my cheek, tilting her head a bit as her thumb carefully swept across my lips. “Then with whom would I speak to? Even my sister’s ears were numb to my heart. Lovers passed on lusting for my body or my power. Few to love me as I was and fewer to love me as I am. None to comfort as I would wish for myself, and none to offer that comfort in turn.”
“... I…” For once, I didn’t have something that would just spill from my lips. Some message from the heart. Instead, it was… Frustrating… Because stating the obvious wasn’t necessary and phrasing gratitude into the conversation was hard. Gazing into the Serpent’s eyes showed me a glint of truth. “... You see all of me… All of my memories, experiences, and… The shit I’ve done, Noir. The real reasons, and I can’t lie about them. You see the thoughts… I’ve accepted that I would and pretty much will never be able to hide anything from you…”
She held herself silent for a few seconds. “Any question. Ask and I will answer.”
“What’s your happiest memory? Not even something you did or caused, but the thing that made you happiest.”
Her grin was light, her brows arched just slightly before she burst into giggles. “Now? Now I find myself happiest knowing that you are well and looked after. Cared for, and succeeding in life and in combat~”
Blackberry squeezed me and rolled, putting us on our sides. “Erg- Noir!”
“Maybe I will warn you next time, hm?”
“Maybe you can tell me your happiest memory?”
She tried distracting me with warmth and softness. “Can my new memories not be happy?”
“Well, I meant something before we met in general-”
“Throughout my entire life span?”
“Pick a few if that makes it any easier.”
The sigh escaping from the lips above me came with cautious words. “... The first that comes to mind is the first war I ever battled through; The first of many victories to partake in. Victories and bloodshed. The final battle was fierce and lasted for seventeen days and nights. I rested in fits and spurts when I could… It was more common to fall and find myself awakening from the blood and mud when I did rest. A roof meant that I had taken another encampment. A clear sky meant we were travelling…”
Blackberry stroked my back, letting me weasel my way up a little higher. For all we’d said, she struggled to return my eye-contact. To give me what I’d wanted. “... Guess a cloudy sky meant war.”
“... I spent entire days doing nothing other than ending lives. Days upon days… Killing any who stood before me until there were no more people willing to fight. No more willing to enter my sight without my colours and crest upon their person or kneeling in fear of what I would do should they rise. Even then… Another Civil War stricken from Equestrian History, the Socphyrric Wars… The bloodiest battles have known this land to face, and yet mercenaries... I cut down a Dragon and a few Naga. Whoever hired their might mattered not. I was the only one who left that battlefield… When… When Ersica fell and the roots of Castle Everfree were seeded… I was the last to rise, unbroken.”
I squeezed her. There weren’t many questions to ask. “And that made you the happiest?”
She snorted. “... No.” I didn’t believe you in the first place. “For many years, the tales I told of those days were the proudest in my mind. I told myself that slaying my enemies and surviving through the battle made me happy. I realized while I was in Luna that it was actually one of the saddest moments in my life. Remembered… Remembered crying over the loss of so many lives… But realizing that I was wrong... Knowing that I could see that I was wrong… It made me happy. It made me feel as though someone like me was more than what I’d known myself to be.”
“... We’re always our own harshest critics… But yeah, I’m glad to know that you could at least see a piece of your puzzle.”
“A piece, yes…”
“... That picture isn’t-”
“Yes, Max,” Noir whispered. “I know it is not the whole puzzle… Just a part. A fraction of the tapestry, yet… Tied with many threads all the same. You know what it is to be wrapped in memories of days you cannot change…”
I nestled into the crook of her jaw. “You know that it wasn’t until I spoke and confronted that pain… That it didn’t start to heal until after a bit of intervention from a certain cobbler-scented curiosity.”
Noir hummed softly. “And so began a life happier than I knew I could have… So your question, dear one, is difficult to answer. What I have now is not what I once had. Akin to comparing sweet oranges to hot peppers.”
“Ah, so I’m the hot peppers because I have more Vitamin C. Understandable.”
“... You are the oranges because sweet things are easier to peel.”
“... Help?” I chuckled, barely noticing the shift in her apparel. I was busy cuddling. “... It’s sweet of you, though. Sweet and honest… Though I have to wonder if there’s more we could do-” she huffed out a breath, making me pull back a bit. Actually being able to see that she’d more or less changed into a T-shirt was amusing. “Cool, but I meant like, games and stuff. Movie night.”
“My time with you is well-spent, even in turmoil. I would expect you to know this by now.”
“I expect you to know that my love is unconditional. I expect you to understand that… Your happiness matters to me too… And I-”
“You nut,” She chuckled, pulling me back to her. “As your happiness would wax and wane, so shall mine.”
I snorted. “If I’m a nut, you’re a nonce.”
The look I got for that was hilarious and thus cracked me up. “I suppose I still owe you an answer, even if you are being a nutter-butt... There is not much I find joy in, but seeing you happy makes me happy, even if you’re not being happy with me. I like it when you spend time with Twilight and your family. When you smile, so can I.” I understand that so much more than I want to. “I know.” Stop reading my mind and replying to my thoughts! “When I feel like it.”
I rolled my eyes. “Difficult. Just difficult. What about some of the things I do? Like that fight with Blueblood?”
She smiled and nestled her fingers into my hair… I liked it a lot. “I was proud beyond compare, despite his inadequacy as an opponent. Your anger did little to divert your effectiveness, and your movements in reality are growing more fluid by the fight. Truly, the contest was a good measure to find your better qualities in a brawl, and your reflexes are a touch…”
“Scary?” I offered.
She grimaced and hummed. “No… I was more thinking ‘alluring’, or something of the sort.”
She’d earned herself a kiss, and I was all too happy to give it to her. “I would go picking fights to test my strength, but I wouldn’t have even fought Blueballs if he hadn't had his dummies pour drinks on Twilight. Also, it gets harder to explain when I pick the fights myself. I’m happy enough being left alone, love, but if I ever go on another mission and switch modes… Well, I’m sure you’ll be watching.”
Noir stroked my face, the gesture familiar and more than welcome. “I love you, Max... Not as Twilight loves you, but it is love all the same.”
“You’re-” I considered what I was about to say. “You’re going to get kissed, but there’s gonna be more if you don’t cease all this… Sweetness. I’m really getting some mixed signals right now.”
“Now is a good time for anything you want… What your heart would soever desire; Ask and it is yours without fail,” She replied softly, holding my gaze as she spoke. Her words had come as a bit of a surprise, though...
That’s awfully broad. “There’s nothing I want from you, Noir. Nothing you don’t already give me. Other than a smile and genuine happiness for yourself, I can’t ask for anything.”
She rolled her eyes, chuckling. “Intercourse is on the table. I know that your desire for me is still-”
“I mean, I kind of want to ask Twilight’s permission-”
Noir chuckled. “She already gave it to you. Whenever we are ready, Maximus. I am prepared to give myself over to you, and I would like to do it before you fulfil your plans today.”
“... I usually wouldn’t question you, but... I mean, I’ve waited this long for it, I don’t mind waiting longer.” God forbid I take advantage. I’d never forgive myself.
She slid her hands up my back, making my breath catch in my throat. A kiss was stolen yet again and her assurance came in tender tones I could bear to hear any day of the year. “With all certainty, I would ask that you share yourself with me as I would myself with you. I may be out of practice, but I assure you that I will be better than Rarity.”
I chuckled. There just wasn’t much to say to that, but a lot we could do.
(Ctrl+F Scene Is Over To Skip)
Noir waved a hand and we appeared in the bed in the cabin. She rolled her eyes at my surprise, which was a bit unwarranted. I just hadn’t been expecting the sudden change of scenery, even if I should’ve. That said, I loosed a breath I didn’t know I’d been holding. Noir gave me a disarming smile, barely having to move at all to kiss me. Familiar territory had come again for the time being. Noir took things slowly and I followed her lead for the first minute, but I felt something inside of me push me forward to explore her mouth with my tongue. I put a hand on her waist and the other cupped her face, gently stroking her cheek with my thumb as we kissed.
I wanted to revel in the moment for as long as I could, but I knew that my hands would only stay put for so long. The hand on her cheek slid to her waist and I stepped as close as I could get to her without breaking our kiss or running into her voluptuous breasts. I’d never been a breast man, but with Noir, the temptation was too strong, so I let my hands wander upwards and palmed them gently until she took her arms from around my own waist and pressed them against her mammaries more firmly, squeezing them a little too hard in my opinion. I guessed that Noir wasn’t one for soft loving, but I thought at her, telling her that I would be rougher during the actual event.
She pulled away for a moment. “Maximus, I am no gentle flower. I am a blade forged by war and toilsome ventures. Do not try to treat me like the proper lady you think I am. Think more of Strawberry than Celestia.”
“I… I can do rough. Just let me know if I start going too far,” I replied, a little out of breath.
“No spanking. I do not find it sexy.”
“So try and break you the normal way. Again, quite doable.”
She gave me a sultry smile and let me steal her top, then taking and flinging my own to join hers on the floor. I’d assumed she was wearing a sports bra and wasn’t disappointed. “If you could assist me with this…?”
I didn’t need to be asked twice. “As much as I was expecting it, I’m still a bit surprised that you went so casual.”
“I thought you would appreciate the lack of formality,” She crooned.
I let my hands glide over her incredibly soft, warm, weighty breasts and teased them a bit. Even if she preferred it rough, a bit of tickle to go along with the slap was more my style. “Whatever makes you comfortable is fine by me.”
While I already had her massive mammaries in my grasp, I took care while locating her areolas. I’d yet to actually see Noir’s breasts while bare, and they were the largest I’ve ever seen on a woman in person. Her brow and mild grin told me that she expected me to explore a bit. I held each enormous globe in my hands and Noir allowed me to sink my fingers into her soft, pliant flesh. I wanted to try and tease each of her inverted nipples until they’d expose themselves. There was also the fact that I wanted another kiss. However, she had other plans for the trousers I was wearing before she allowed me to go any further.
Noir’s beautiful teal eyes met my own dichromatic set and I felt like she saw straight through me, knew every plan I had for her and then some. Of course, she literally could know all that whenever she pleased, but feeling it while nude beneath her was something else entirely. She raised a brow at me while I was trapped in her gaze and I blinked to snap myself out of my reverie, reminding myself that I had nipples to lick. I firmly grasped her right breast and maintained eye contact as I licked its tip. It tasted faintly of blackberries, though it wasn’t like I was surprised at all. With that out of the way, I decided to see if I could tease the nub out of its hiding place by licking inside its enclosure, and when I felt it stiffen slightly, I decided it was time to try a bit harder. I placed my mouth over Noir’s areola and sucked gently, but when I drew no results, I got a bit rougher with her, biting her breast in a way that made her gasp.
“That is new. I have never had one of my breasts bitten.” She murmured.
‘I’m full of surprises. You know that already,’ I thought at her.
“Yes, yes you are,” She sighed.
As I licked, sucked, and teased her breasts, her nipples breached their hiding places. Oddly enough, they tasted faintly of ice cream, though chalking that up to sheer imagination wouldn’t be uncalled for. I decided to try nibbling on another part of her breast and that actually made her moan a bit. With her nipple in view now, I switched and went to the left one, giving it the same treatment. I used the tip of my tongue to sweep around its full circumference before latching onto it and biting down while sucking. I kept teasing the other breast all the while, splitting my attention between the two tasks to the best of my ability. As tasty as her tits were, there was only so much teasing that I myself was willing to bear. Noir gasped when I nibbled on her nipple and pulled, though she didn’t say anything. Rolling it around for a moment earned me a few more moans until I let go.
With both of her nipples in view, I took them between the index and thumb on each hand and gently rolled them around, getting firmer with each rotation. Noir gave me a lascivious look and I couldn’t help but want another kiss, but this time, we were both aroused and ready to take control. Noir tongue wrestled with mine as each of us tried to assert dominance. Hers was significantly longer than mine, but my tongue was more… muscular, I suppose. It was a bit like using a sword against a whip: hers would wrap around mine, and we would be in a stalemate as our lips met, but there was nothing she could do to overpower me unless I allowed it to happen. I was not going to lose in snogging, no matter the opponent.
I kept up my endeavours with Noir’s breasts with my digits as she moaned into my mouth. Her responses were better when I got rougher with her, especially if I suddenly pulled at both at the same time. I suddenly let go of her breasts and withdrew my tongue, and when she did the same, I nibbled on her lower lip because it seemed like a sexy thing to do. The look she gave me when I did it would have been enough to make a lesser man lose a load then and there, but at this point, I was certain that my shaft was harder than actual wood, blocking off any sort of release.
My Mentor hooked a finger into my boxers and literally tore them off, tossing the discarded material off to the side. Before she could kneel, I imagined a memory foam pad since kneeling on hardwood floors fucking sucks and she looked down when she made contact with it, raising her brow again. “Why do you always think of the most random things?” Noir asked, taking my rigid member in her hand.
She started stroking me as I spoke. “Are you complaining right now?”
Her brow went down and she gave my helmet and shaft a long, slow lick using the entire length of her tongue, dipping my rod into the back of her throat to blind me with a touch of bliss. “No~ I am not.”
That was all she said before she let her tongue wrap around the top portion of my member, covering the tip entirely before she eased it into her mouth, looking me in the eyes the entire time. Her tongue massaged my shaft and she used her lips to form a seal around my tip as she gently increased the pressure. Noir started slow, teasing me to no end as she lubricated my shaft for easy access. She knew that I would have preferred to go down on her first, but then again, I was in bliss while she blew me. Her blowjob easily rivalled Fleur’s, and I know it’s terrible to compare the women, but it’s hard not to.
I’d thought that Noir would be rusty after thousands of years without any action, but I felt as if Blackberry had been waiting all this time, preparing for the day we could finally be together and it showed in the careful attention she was giving me. My Mentor was careful to give my helmet plenty of affection while she whirled her tongue around it, and the only time she took a break from taking my shaft into the back of her mouth was to spit on it and work it a little more with her hand.
As she sucked, Noir stroked the base of my shaft and I thought I was in heaven until she showed me that she was just teasing. In one sudden go, I was in the back of Noir’s throat and her nose was touching the shaven area above my shaft, but she didn’t stop there. She held me and pressed her face against me a bit harder, massaging my tip and some of my shaft with her throat as she turned her face side to side, making me doubt that my stamina would last much longer. That was when I felt Noir’s throat relax and she extricated my member from the depths of her mouth, though she didn’t let me pull all the way out. She lightly held my tip between her teeth as if to gauge the distance and that’s when she started in earnest. On her next pass, she took her time with getting me back into her throat, but when I felt her tongue wrap itself around my shaft loosely, I felt my eyes widen and she began to bob her head, picking up speed as she went along.
The stimulation was powerful and a little scary. She’d been holding back this entire time, but now, she was giving it her all and I let a moan escape from my lips, despite not being a terribly vocal lover as a male. “I don’t need to tell you that you’re doing the best thing you’ve ever done,” I moaned breathlessly.
‘You have not even tried the goods yet, though I accept your early conclusion,’ She thought back, humming as she did.
A bottle of scented oil appeared in her hand and she lifted it up for me to take, so I accepted the welcome distraction and read it aloud. “Edible oil? Blackberry flavour?”
‘You shall see.’
That was the only hint she gave me, but her fellatio had continued as we were ‘talking’. I was getting close from the skilful manipulation of her hands, tongue, and mouth. There was little I could do against her ministrations, and we both knew it. Minutes passed without another word between us until I started getting ready to pop. Noir slowed down, but increased the pressure in her throat as she bobbed her head, making me feel like I was about to burst and about a second before I let my first load loose, she let my tip slip out of the back of her throat and increased the suction. I gave her shot after shot, my orgasm lasting for a good ten seconds before I was finished and Noir made sure to show me what she had collected.
Once I had my breath back, Noir was already standing, so I knelt before her majesty until I realized that she was too tall for me to take her panties off that way. I raised myself a bit and pulled them down with my teeth, the scent of her arousal hitting me in the face full force. Noir was already soaked, and when I brought her panties to the floor, I knew that she wouldn’t complain if I skipped the cunnilingus and went straight for the main event.
“Fuck that noise.” We practically scoffed in unison. It was kinda cute.
I grinned and pushed her onto the bed, though it only happened because she let me do it. “Blackberry, I think you’ve earned a bit more than usual for that.”
Her answer came in haughty, husky tones. “Your lips are flapping. Put them to better use.”
I nodded and spread her legs as I scooted the pad under my knees so I wouldn’t have to deal with that pesky stone floor myself. I let myself stroke the dense fur of her thighs for a moment, taking note of how thick it was in comparison to most ponies. It was also a bit longer near her knees, but as I moved my hands upward, the hair became shorter and finer until I was sure that I was touching skin. Noir put some pillows underneath her head and shoulders so she could watch what I was doing and I couldn’t really blame her. If there was ever a time to pull out the stops, I’d put this one in the top three.
Kissing my way down her thigh, I took my time and gave myself a chance to get used to the heady scent emanating from her. It made me want some blackberry cobbler and it helped stir my member from half-mast to nearly erect again, but I had to be patient. Build a good one for her. It was hard not to dive right in since she’d shown me her own skills in spades, but as I came to her petals, I held myself back from trying to click her depths and instead kissed around the outer edges where her nectar hadn't quite reached. I stopped right above her clit and stroked the thigh I’d just kissed as I began my trip down the other one. Again, it was difficult to go slowly and tease her like I wanted to, but then again, I knew that a slow build up would mean a strong climax. Moderation and all that.
Once I’d kissed my way down toward her entrance, I gave her thighs a few more strokes before tracing her outer lips with my tongue, collecting some of her juices on the tip while I manoeuvred it around her incredibly tight slit. I did as Noir had done and tried to look her in the eyes while I was tasting her, doing my best to keep her mesmerizing gaze. I was doing pretty well until one of her hands ran through my hair, blocking my view.
“I am not a patient mare, Maximus.”
I gave her honeypot a flick or several with my tongue, barely entering. “You’re going to have to be. You know it’ll be for the best.”
She groaned. “Only for you will I put up with this. Even then, not for long.”
I rolled my eyes and got back to my preferred dish, though I did pick up my pace slightly. I moved my plans ahead a bit and teased her hood until her clit was exposed before giving it a gentle flick with the tip of my finger. Noir didn’t even budge, so I tried doing the same thing, but considerably harder and she made a noise somewhere between a gasp and a moan. With that information, I tried gauging how much pressure I could apply before I actually hurt her, but settled for pinching the somewhat large button and rolled it around with my fingers until Noir grabbed my hand and pinched harder than I ever would have considered doing to a woman. She writhed under the pressure and held my hand there, so I figured she liked it a bit rougher than I had ever expected. It felt a bit uncomfortable for me personally, but I abused her pearl and explored her honeypot with my tongue, lapping up the steady trickle of her nectar.
It didn’t take long to find out exactly how tight Noir could get, though having her grip my tongue as if performing an excellent impression of a vice was a touch intimidating. In any case, I could feel her constrict around my tongue and I was rather scared for my penis, all things considered. I was also fearing for my head since Noir was making sure that I wasn't going anywhere soon, but at the very least I had long arms that allowed me to keep up the pressure on her clit without too much trouble. I tried my usual trick of spelling out a page or two from random stories I had written with my tongue, but Noir pulled at my hair. It just wasn't going to do much since her tongue was probably as long as my dick. I was more blessed below the belt, but dat mouf.
At this point, maintaining eye contact with her hand in the way was impossible, so I let go and Noir released my head with her legs, but her hand still firmly grasped my hair. I tried to move upward for the next stage of my plan, but she wasn’t letting me go for a moment. I didn’t stop while she held me in place and decided to bite her lips somewhat hard, which actually got her off. She continued to hold me in place, but after a minute of her being frustrating, I had to stop entirely.
‘Oi! Let me go for a moment and you can put your hand back where you want it.’ I thought at her.
She grumbled something mean under her breath and let me go, so I didn’t waste a second before placing my mouth over her clit. I sucked on the nub as hard as I could, but that barely elicited a half-arsed moan from her, even when I started teasing it with my tongue. It just wasn’t the level she was looking for, so I nibbled on her clit gently and she started giving me a more appropriate reaction. I had her squirming a bit now, so I increased the pressure until I thought I would actually puncture the tender skin, and that’s when she came for the first time. It had taken me nearly twenty minutes to get her off, but when I did, I was proud of the results. A dumbarse would have stopped there and called it, however, I am no dumbarse most of the time. While Noir was writhing, I had to hold onto her thighs to avoid actually hurting her, moving with her thrashing, but she didn’t calm down, and I’m sure that adding a finger into her entrance to search for her G-Spot was no help to my cause.
When Noir finally did come down from her ecstasy, I found her G-Spot in a few tries, exploring with my middle finger until I found it. From there, I put as much pressure on it as I could, still licking her clitoris since I’d never bothered to let go. Her grip on my hair tightened and I got the point. She was still quite tight when I added a second finger to her honeypot, but now that I knew where that familiar little bump was, I could stroke it as hard as I wanted, as long as I wanted, and that’s exactly what I did. Noir had never quite stopped writhing, but by the time her second orgasm came, I was fully prepared to get on with it and I suspected that she was too.
I pulled away and licked my fingers clean before doing the same to her entrance, sucking up every drop of her sweet honey until I couldn’t taste it from anywhere other than her tight little hole. My Mentor locked eyes with me again, but her gaze was a little unfocused, though that didn’t stop me from flicking her clit with my middle finger one last time, but now I actually tried to hurt her. She jolted and moaned before setting her head back down on the pillows she’d laid for herself.
“Would it be cruel of me to call it there?” She sighed.
“Very. We still haven’t used that edible oil.” I pointed out.
“... I was planning on using that to get you hard again.”
I looked down and Noir sat up. “I guess it can wait until next time.”
She levitated the oil over to me and I picked it up. “You have three guesses as to where that goes, and if you put it in the wrong place, then I’m on top.”
I lifted a brow. “Are you sure that’s what you want?”
“Guess.”
I stood up and started pouring the oil on her breasts, hoping that I really was correct. When she didn’t stop me, I assumed that I was and started rubbing it in once I had a decent amount drizzled on her massive mammaries. “I’m really hoping this is what you meant.”
“You guessed well,” She chuckled, humming softly while my hands slipped and slid across her sick fur. “Odd. As little interest as you have generally shown…”
She already smelled and tasted like blackberry cobbler, so it wasn’t much different when I tasted the oil from her chest. “All men are boob men at the end of the day, it’s just that some of us have trouble working our way up.” Noir didn’t get a chance to point it out. “Feet fetishes are weird, but hoof fetishes are ten times weirder.”
“Is that a no to a hoof-job?”
“Ab-so-fucking-lutely. I’d rather have a wing job.”
“Do not expect me to try that.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it, Blackberry.” The logistics barely make sense anyway.
Once I was sure that the oil was everywhere it was supposed to be, Noir scooted the pad back so she could kneel in front of me again and placed her fleshy globes around my rod. She raised a brow as if she was asking permission to start, so I nodded and she pressed her breasts against me. She didn’t move after a moment, so I figured that I was supposed to be the one doing the thrust, thus I began. It was a new feeling since I’d never had a boobjob before, but it was a nice feeling that I wouldn’t mind having again. All in all, it was fun, but it just wasn’t pleasurable for both of us, and it wasn’t even all that good for me.
“This is great and all-”
“I know,” Noir cut in, climbing on top of me, “it could be better for both of us, but it was interesting all the same.”
I grinned. “Did I mention how much I like your creativity?”
“Occasionally, though a reminder could hardly hurt, no?”
“I do indeed love your brain. You’ve got some great thoughts in there.”
Noir rolled her eyes. “Sometimes you truly do have a way with words. That ‘way’ makes me want to close my legs.”
I smirked. “We’ll try butterfly too, don’t worry.”
“And they are opening again. Slowly but surely.”
Clear head. No jokes. Must keep a straight face. “Don’t give me opportunities during sex. There’s a reason I don’t spend much time talking.”
Blackberry snorted and kissed me. “Then do less talking and get on with the main event, ‘yeah’?” She replied in my accent.
It was hard to initiate anything while she was on top of me, so I boosted my strength and helped myself roll her over. Noir laughed and garnered some chuckles from me as she reached up to hold my cheeks. Even then, as hot and bothered as I was, I could bear to wait a bit longer. I just wanted to enjoy the moment a bit more. My stiff member came to rest against her slickened lips, the contact sending a trill of electricity through me, followed by a blossoming warmth.
Blackberry brought me down for another kiss and held me there. The tip of my shaft parted her petals, seemingly being drawn in just as strongly as my gaze was to Noir’s. “... Hey…”
“Hello…”
I stole another kiss from her, the long, sculpted legs I’d avoided fantasizing about squeezed around my waist. Her depths welcomed me with warmth and softness, the heat from her sex radiating into my core. Every centimetre was another level of ecstasy to share, penetrating further into my Mentor. It was hard to focus on the physical pleasure, though… Just the action of feeling my hips meet Noir’s was undeniably more intense than any orgasm I’d had thus far. The adoration that showed in the crinkle of her eyes and the contentment within her smile melted my heart into a puddle.
If I could go any deeper, then it could wait. If I needed to, then I would. However, I just wanted to savour the moment.
Looking into Noir’s eyes as we made love only served to heighten every sensation. Granted, she’d said and proven that she liked it rough, but the pace we’d kept so far was nowhere near ‘fucking’. However, as the minutes passed, Noir’s breathing came to match mine, our soft panting filling the room. That familiar hunger bubbled up inside of me and I resolved to make sure she could never find another man to satisfy her as I could. With each thrust I rattled her, and for a few minutes, that was all fine and good. Boosted my ego when she’d moan for me.
My ego made me turn her onto her side and keep one of her legs in the air. My Mentor just looked at me, but when I adjusted my positioning and hit her G-Spot with as much force as I could muster, the silent scream returned. I assumed that she’d want me to keep going, and now that I could actually use my full length and abuse her clitoris, it was effectively over for her.
Thrust after thrust, I made my shaft disappear entirely into her folds, but once Noir met my gaze again, I found the stamina within me to keep going, never breaking eye contact while I drove myself as deep as I could go. On every other thrust when my dick was redirected by her walls, I could feel something touch the tip and I assumed that I was bottoming out, which made me happier than you could know. I tried to reach the back of her honeypot as often as I could, holding my position until she came once again. I broke eye contact after that so I could have some release for myself. My climax had built slowly and had toed the line for plenty of time. Noir’s walls constricted as I peaked, wrapping her legs around me and bringing me in deeper. She milked my seed from my shaft, though the orgasm itself just wasn’t the important part...
Noir was panting as hard as I was, though neither of us moved much to help get our breath back. It was hard to think of anything other than round two, honestly. That, and I could hardly bear to ruin the moment with my own idiocy. Blackberry had us covered. “... Would you hear an earnest opinion, Maximus?”
“From you? Always.”
“... I verily understand why Celestia puts up with you.”
I blinked. “... Okay, not what I was expecting.”
“Be that as it may…” Blackberry drew me a bit closer, inhaling sharply as she felt just how ready I was to bask in the afterglow. “... I know you-”
I didn’t bother to warn her, getting started with a slow, steady pace. “We’re not done yet. Fuck do ya take me for?”
She made a few sounds between hums and moans, though a firm thrust clarified the message. “Oh.”
“What? You think I’m done after one?” I asked, measuring up for a good, deep series.
“I have cum multiple times. I was expecting you to be satisfied with that.” It was almost kinda offensive. She blushed and gasped when I bottomed out in one quick thrust. “Perhaps I was mistaken~”
I shook my head at her. “If you would please get on your hands and knees, that would be lovely.”
Noir complied and it took doing on both of our parts, but I was now holding onto her hips while squatting in a pretty awkward fashion. I took a moment to get myself properly situated and gave it to her easily at first so I could get the pacing right and slowly built my way up. The discontented sigh my Mentor gave me pissed me off a little bit, so I sped up and tried a little harder. After a few minutes of this, Noir actually propped her head up and looked back at me.
“Is. That. All. You. Have. For. Me?” She asked in between thrusts, sounding bored.
I stopped, but didn’t get to pull out, nearly losing my second load when Noir spun and drew me to her in missionary. “Whoa-kay… From the back not your thing. Got it.”
“It is unflattering and unpleasant. I can see nothing. Poor at best. Where is the depth? The sensation of true trust through intimate connection?”
“It probably doesn’t help that I can’t reach that little button,” I sighed.
Noir’s strength would always be greater than I considered, though having her lift me with her thighs and mount me… It was kinda hot. “I am riding you. No exceptions.”
“No exceptions, no complaints.” I lifted my head and placed a firm pillow under it.
She beamed, though we both watched as she placed my member against her entrance and actually broke eye-contact for once. I’d forgotten to watch the first time, though seeing myself disappear into her depths was enticing and enchanting. Noir practically dropped herself onto my member when she was about halfway down, forgoing the moment for a bit of raw pleasure. Her inner walls still held me with the same grip that she’d had before. A slight change in her positioning had me blinded by her breasts, though she straightened up to explore the different angles.
She leaned over me again, giving me free access to her tits. However, I only needed to be grunted at once or twice to understand the point. It was hard for her to move if I was sucking on her nipples, but playing with her breasts in general wasn’t in the cards. Blackberry pinned my arms down and continued, adjusting as she saw fit. We didn’t need to say anything else.
It would’ve been surprising that she was lasting as long as she was, though I’d expected her to ruin my expectations. I was glad to lay back and let her do the work, but there were parts of her I’d have liked to feel while she was on top. Her denial of my simple request was irksome, but being mad would’ve been considerably more effort than it’d be worth.
Noir eventually cupped my hand under one of her own as she tried to crush her little clit. I swear, we locked eyes and the moment she touched herself, her walls tightened, clamping down on my rod harder than I knew possible. Still though, Blackberry rode on through her orgasm. Unfortunately, we had the problem of going slowly when she was in the midst of a climax, but it mattered less when she stopped leaning over me and started all over again, forcing my cock into her. It hurt a little bit since she really was that fucking tight, but I wasn’t complaining any time soon.
Just as I was about to admit defeat in the face of another orgasm, Noir opened her mouth and made no sound, her walls still rather snug around my member. She threw her head back and actually stopped, breaking eye contact and giving me time to appreciate just how firmly she was really squeezing me. It took my breath away and I couldn’t help but let out a strangled groan, leaving me to hold her hips as she brought us both to a thunderous climax.
The constriction of Noir’s depths eventually calmed as I shot my final load into her, though her tremors lasted a while longer. My Mentor’s gaze came to meet my own when my hands slid to her waist. She panted for a moment or two, her chest heaving above me. I thought it would be a good time to lick each of her nipples and she sat back, my member never leaving her entrance. I slowly began to stiffen again, but Noir placed a hand on my chest.
She smiled, though ‘enough’ came to mind before she could say anything. “Cease. I would like some time to cuddle before you have to go.”
“I don’t control the thing, I just wear it,” I snorted. “... But uh…” Noir removed my member from herself and went to lay down next to me before rethinking that decision, preferring to clean me up real quick.
She wouldn’t let me do the same for her. Even then, I’d never felt that comfortable eating my own semen, and by that I mean I just didn’t like it. I’d tried it before with Twilight and felt absolutely disgusting because of it. I can’t really explain why per se other than finding it outright disgusting, so I didn’t try it again. That also means I don’t expect anyone to swallow out of courtesy, but Equestrians. Noir, however, seemed to like it better inside, evidenced by her magicking everything she’d collected into her honeypot for use at a later date, I suppose.
(Ctrl+F Scene Is Over To Skip)
Clean-up is simple with Imagi-Magic™, though having Noir be the big spoon meant that I didn’t get to bask as I would’ve preferred. However, having her hold me tight was… Calming, and completely different than pretty much any other post-coital experience I’d ever had. While there was a question or two on the tip of my tongue, I didn’t want to ruin the moment with something silly. Instead, I snuggled up and shut up.
My efforts were rewarded with a good, long cuddling. Unfortunately, I still had to go back to reality and deal with the shit involved with other people, but it could’ve been worse. I was warned that our time was coming to a close and all, though a few more minutes never would’ve been enough. I got one more hug and kiss in before opening my eyes to see Twilight stroking my hair with a smile on her face.
“Hey, Amour… Seems like you had a pretty good dream~”
There was something about the way she’d said it that tipped me off a bit, but the transition from dreamscape to mindscape and back to reality kind of left me groggy. “Hm… Visited Noir-”
“Did you two have ‘Quality Time’ or something?” She giggled, poking a wet spot in my trousers.
I started a bit, but sniffed and groaned instead of trying to play it off. “Is that what happens?”
“Oh my gosh, Max.”
“Twilight-”
“Oh my gosh,” My girlfriend crooned sweetly, “I’m so happy for you two…” Cherry’s brows arched and she pinched my cheek. “Who’s my wovving widdle Human?”
Admittedly, it still strikes me as odd from time to time that Twilight actually encourages me to have sex outside of our relationship, but Noir said it herself; Cherry had already given us the go-ahead. Hell, it had only taken so long on my own account for the most part. Dwelling on the oddness wouldn’t do me any good, though. “Is it me, or is there suddenly some other Human in your life?”
“Mmm, I dunno if I could handle more than one of you~” Twilight giggled, stealing my first kiss of the day. In an act of pure vindication, I stole a few back from her to shore up my losses. “Oi, we have stuff to do, Max!”
I looked at her and blinked a few times, trying to remember if that was actually true. “... No we don't.”
“No, but do you wanna lay in bed all-” Twilight glanced away. “... I mean…”
“I dunno, Cher-Bear,” I yawned and got a good stretch in, “what would make your day? Like, what would your perfect day be?”
She giggled some more and sighed. “Well, it’s off to a pret-ty good start…”
“So where would we go from here?”
“Probably Blossom’s and Bloom’s for their breakfast casserole, and if it’s a full day…” She waited for confirmation, so I bounced my brows at her. She took the hint and carried on. “Well, I guess I’d want to see if my favourite bookshop in Canterlot has any particularly interesting stock, even if it’s not really likely… That, and there actually is a thing or two that I really should consider picking up while we’re there.”
“Like?”
“Science stuff,” She replied, expecting to leave it at that with a shrug.
It was a well-warranted assumption that I’d either not know or not care about the specifics. Rolling over meant that I had to take my eyes off of the best part of my days, but that also meant that I knew what time it was. “Oi, it’s eight bong, thirty bens-”
“I still don’t know what that means, Amour,” Twilight sighed.
I miss the internet so fucking much. “I really gotta stop making references that- Oh, nah, wait, there’s a clock tower in Teatown, out in Bridleland. It’s a joke based off of that big-ass clock, but it’s eight-thirty in any case.”
“You Humans-”
“Don’t even,” I deadpanned.
Twilight’s look was so droll, I thought we were going back to sleep for a few seconds. “Hey, you’re the representative for your species here. It’s not my fault that you’re prone to making references to things nopony’s ever heard of.”
I shrugged because she wasn’t actually wrong. “Fair enough. Anyway, we might wanna get ready sometime before noon if you wanna get breakfast.”
She huffed out a few chuckles and cuddled up to me. “Mmm, are you sure that we have to go out now?”
I snorted, all too happy to oblige. “Funny, I don’t remember saying ‘now’ or even ‘soon’.”
It was pretty much all she needed to hear. A few hours after some Quality Time, we managed to make it to Blossom’s and Bloom’s for the casserole and breakfast in general. Of course, I mostly just wanted an omelet the size of a small nation, but I took a few and accepted that feeding myself is expensive. At least, eating until I’m satisfied isn’t the cheapest part of my day. It’s never really bothered me per se due to the coinage I still have at my beck and call, though it kind of just rings home exactly how rich I am. Most people would be struggling if they had to spend as much as I do on a single budget.
That aside, or rather, with that in mind, Twilight had never really requested that I buy anything for her. Like… Ever. If I bought her flowers, it was because it had crossed my mind. Food and whatnot was a given, especially during dates. If it wasn’t a gift I made, then it was something she needed or had mentioned wanting, but she’d never actually asked me for anything. Hell, I could hardly say that she even dropped hints, and if I asked, she kind of gave me this annoyed look. I appreciate her independence and the fact that her family’s rich in their own right, but I…
Well, as I was munching through omelet after omelet, I had to stop and think about why I wanted to spoil Twilight. Maybe it was just that I’d always wanted to spend without sparing a cent on my sweetheart, or… Hopefully my guilt wasn’t pushing my generosity forward… Cherry’s into sharing and Equestria is a polyamorous kind of country, but still. To a point, it felt like I was trying to make it up to her, for making love to another woman.
Breakfast was nice, and the mood was good, but something just didn’t feel right with the day. A nagging feeling of dread tugged at my stomach and persisted past surprising Twilight with my seriousness about her perfect day. Her confusion was sweet, and her reaction was exactly what I’d aimed for, though I just couldn’t shake the storm riding the coattails of my parade. If it weren’t for Cherry’s enthusiasm, I’d damn well have gone back home instead of Canterlot. The train wasn’t going to cut it if we’d have bothered; Too much time to think, no matter how chatty Cherry felt. Being teleported there limited my options of getting back, which was great.
Cherry didn't seem to pick up on my hesitation before or after we got started on the day. In fact, she seemed content to just walk and talk for the longest time. We made it to the Artisan’s District before she even bothered to give me much more than a second look. Odd as it was, she’d been chatting and chittering along, which was a touch unusual. Well, maybe it was the topics and how she kind of blended them together.
Most of the time, Twilight would fill her side of the conversation with observations or keep up chatter with things she’d noticed. The current trip, however, was… Full of questions. She was constantly asking about what it felt like to really throttle someone. What it felt like to run a mark clean, and then come back for another take. Twilight had almost never shown true interest in my past after she’d learned that it kinda sucks, but the intrigue I was getting now just didn’t vibe well with my feelings about the day.
We walked and talked about the fight with Blueblood, though I have to admit that I’d never really considered what it would be like for Cherry to perceive violence even slightly close to the way I do. Granted, there was plenty to see as far as her changes from the time I’d met her to the current day, but… The more I talked to her and saw that she was actually excited about my victory and the methods I’d used, the more I saw the gap between my innocent little librarian and the… Almost arrogant air she was putting off now.
I’d known her to be many things, but a violent mare was never one of them. Dunno how I was feeling about that then and I still don’t know now. Thankfully, I was given a reprieve from all the talk of punching cunts when Twilight stopped guiding us along. Seeing as how her sense of direction was still terrible, I got us to the shopping district so she could actually focus on finding our first stop.
While being prepared to spend an entire day doing shite I’d generally find boring, we didn’t actually browse for long in the bookshop. Apparently Twilight had gotten most of their new finds from catalogues, and the few things she didn’t already have just didn’t interest her. It was kind of a bummer, though Cherry took the silver-lining where it lay. Her orders were up-to-date with the latest in the shops, so at least she knew that there wasn’t much point in going there herself.
Speciality shite, though, was what she was after in the first place. It really didn’t matter since Celestia could get her any material she needed, even if Twilight was getting to be as reluctant to ask for shite as I’ve always been. Still, it wasn’t like we’d wasted our time. Just walking around with Twilight and not being stuck in my own head is generally freeing, and even lugging her heavy ass purchases around could’ve been a lot worse. Yeah, I was admittedly worried about how much she was trying to discuss the occasions that involved me having or wanting to hurt people, but there were worse topics to cover.
While we were in Canterlot, I brought up visiting her parents. Cherry wanted to know why and all, though I had to ask a question for myself. “Y’know, we don’t exactly make our trips to Canterlot a rare occasion-”
Twilight cut in, her brow furrowing a bit further. “No, not exactly, but-”
“I know we saw them recently and all but...” I interjected, raising my hands while I pulled what I hoped would be an awkward version of my usual smirk. Her frown lost its sincerity by the second as I carried on. “It’s not like we have to, but y’know… They won’t be around forever and all that. Missed time, y’know?”
Cherry raised a brow at me. “Uh-huh. So you don’t wanna get a couple of Mom’s cookies?”
“I mean…” I shrugged. It wasn’t as if cookies weren’t going to sweeten the deal for me in the first place, but it wasn’t my main motivation. If Twilight wanted to believe that, however, I wouldn’t find fault with the assumption. “Don’t get me wrong, Velvet’s a sweetie and all-”
“Isn’t she kinda mad at you?”
My response came after I took a second to legitimately consider that. “... Aren’t most people at some point? I mean, it’s kind of a trend.”
“At least you see it, I guess, but that also means that you either do it on purpose or you’ve had to get good at appeasing ponies because you’re an ass.”
“Eh, you live and you learn.”
She rolled her eyes and shot me another look. “So what’s the real reason you wanna visit with Mom and Dad again so soon?”
“We didn’t exactly get to say much at the party, and it could’ve been a little less… Busy, y’know what I mean?”
Twilight acquiesced with a shrug. “Well, it makes sense. I guess I’m following you.”
I nearly objected on the grounds that Canterlot was her hometown, but I also didn’t need a reminder as to who’d gotten us lost earlier. As it stood, I didn’t want to blow more time treading ground we’d already seen more than we had to, so I started off toward the noble estates. I mean, they’re… Well, just straight out, they’re some of the biggest reasons to visit Canterlot for a lot of the regular folk so…
How Twilight failed to navigate in Equestria confused me more whenever I thought about it. By and large, I’ve rarely had an issue getting where I wanted to be in any given Equestrian town. If I didn’t know where I was supposed to go, then that’s one thing. However, Twilight had literally lived in Canterlot and couldn’t find her way around. It made me wonder if she would even stand a chance at getting around in the Wiltshire area since everything that wasn’t together kind of had the same vibe. Hell, a lot of shite just looks similar in England especially compared to Equestria.
As it was, I got us to Casa de Arcana while Twilight and I more or less shut up and enjoyed the day. Come to think of it, though… As rich or outright wealthy as Twilight’s family is, having the matriarch of the family open the door herself is odd. Even then, it had taken me multiple visits to their home to see for a fact that they didn’t have any employees or other people in the house in general. Even while just sitting around and doing nothing, there were usually one or two staff members around Fancy and Fleur’s estate visible at almost any given time.
My observations aside, Velvet was thrilled to see her daughter again and shot me a much more reserved smile. I also didn’t get a ‘hug’ per se. If anything, Velvet’s hesitation toward me was as concerning as her husband’s enthusiasm was touching. The man laid eyes on me and could’ve spanned his house with the smile on his face if it wasn’t restricted to his head. I actually did get a man-hug from him and that was cool. I don’t recall ever actually being hugged by a gal’s parents if they knew I was heterosexual, and meeting Maggie’s Dad… Better memories had already been made.
In any case, the old folk had been getting a late lunch together anyway, so we were offered to join them for the meal. Twilight couldn’t have stopped me if she wanted to. Free food and good company? Yeah, I’ll call dibs on that any time. Velvet told the three of us to stay out of the kitchen because apparently Twilight didn’t get her cooking ‘skills’ from her mother. Night Light and Cherry might be used to getting booted out of the kitchen, though unlike them, I can actually cook without destroying things. Twilight vouched for my skills and Night Light mentioned something about ‘bonding time’ with their daughter, so Mummy Velvet bit the bullet, put on a tight smile, and let me cook with her.
We’d just gotten back to the kitchen when Velvet teleported behind me and closed the door. “Nothing personal, Max-”
“Don’t kill me,” I gasped, offended to hell and back. “Seriously, do it tomorrow or something. Don’t ‘nothin’ personnel, kid’ me!” Velvet raised her brows and folded her arms. “... Yeah, I gotta stop making references at some point. Honestly, still kinda concerned, though.”
Mummy Dearest trolled her eyes and passed me a droll look, likely casting some kind of ‘anti-eavesdropping’ spell shortly before she strode away from the door. “Considering that you’re worried about being murdered in my home, I’d say I have some reason for concern too.”
“In my defence-”
She cut in with, “I don’t know your life, Max. I know what you’ve told me and what I’ve heard. I know what I’ve seen and what I can gather.” Velvet eyed me, pulling a chair from the kitchen table as she passed it. “Sit.”
This is goin’ swimmingly, init? I did as I was told for once in my life, watching as Velvet went back to check on her bread, the spinach she was stewing, and the porridge-like stuff that I could smell as soon as I walked in the house. “Well… If you’ve got questions, ask and I’ll answer.”
The elder mare snorted and cast a sharp glare my way. “Did you enjoy your little fight?”
I shrugged. “Not really. I don’t pick fights in general, and I don’t go around hurting people for my own pleasure. Blueblood’s an arsehole that has a bone to pick with me. He came after Cherry, cheated the duel, then went ahead and stopped just shy of murdering Fancy in cold blood. If you continue defending Blueblood,” Velvet went to snap at me, but I jammed a finger in her direction, “and you are, regardless of your intent, then I can’t respect you, Velvet. Blueblood sent mares to bully your daughter and assaulted one of your longest-lasting friends. Genuinely; Is your pacifism worth letting your loved ones suffer?”
She snorted and her lip curled. “What a wonderful excuse, Maximus. Simply wonderful. In fact, why don’t you just kill anyone who’s mean-”
“I’m gonna kill your husband,” I stated plainly. Earning her silence for a moment. “When I step out of this room, your husband will be dead within five minutes.”
“I dare you,” Velvet intoned calmly. “In fact, feel free to try.”
I snorted. “Cool, ‘cause by your own words, you aren’t going to stop me.”
“Oh, you know-”
“Do I, Velvet?” I asked, smiling at her. “Do I know that you’d actually defend someone? Do I know you’d lift a finger to avenge your lover? Or do I know you’re a hypocrite preaching bullshit?” I spread my hands, smiling wider as Velvet squared her jaw, glaring artillery shells beyond Earth’s recognition. “Eh? Am I wrong?”
“Yes-”
“Then explain to me why you have rules for me, but not for thee. Blueblood nearly killed Fancy and you didn’t do anything, Velvet. So yeah, stow this shite. I don’t care who you are or if Cherry’s mad at me for this, but you’re not gonna stand there and talk down to me over shite you yourself would do.”
Twilight Velvet and I shared a staring match that started to threaten her bread after a few minutes, but my irritation and her own were much more important than yeast and flower. I was half expecting to be kicked out then and there, though I’ve long since stopped trying to predict what old mares are gonna do. Velvet cracked a wry grin, nodding. “You might be a buck-bone… But at least you’ve got the spine to make up for it.”
I shrugged. “I wouldn’t be alive if I didn’t. Literally would’ve died by now on multiple occasions.”
“That’s probably true. However...” Velvet’s little grin went sour, and my heart flubbed a beat or two. Her glower actually gave me pause and made me hesitate with a snarky remark dying in the back of my throat. “I respect you to a point, Max, but don’t challenge me. It’s not a game you’ll ever win.”
Trousers are dry… Doing just fine. “Noted.”
She nodded and pulled her bread from the oven. “Set the table, would you, Dear?”
“Yes, Ma’am,” I replied quickly, eager to skip whatever pain she might have in mind for me.
Velvet pointed out the cabinetry with the appropriate dishes, though I remembered where the silverware was from my visit back during Christmas. Cherry and her old man joined us shortly before Velvet started serving out portions. I think Night Light already knew what I’d had to deal with prior to their arrival since he shot me an apologetic grimace. Cherry didn’t seem to be able to read the room, which wasn’t really a surprise. However, when Velvet passed me a smaller portion than everyone else, Twilight inadvertently cracked the light tension.
My sweet little Cherry giggled and patted my arm since she was sitting next to me. “Sorry, Max, I don’t mind if you clean my house out, but-”
“Twily!” Her mother gasped.
Her daughter shot her a look. “Mom, Max could eat everything here and need a snack in two hours. It’s just how he does.”
The elder Twilight snorted and rolled her eyes before being seated. “Well, eating like that is going to make a pony heavier at some point.”
“If I wasn’t struggling to maintain a decent weight, I’d actually agree. Also, I’m not a Pony-”
“Amour?” My lover asked sweetly.
“Yeah, Cherry?”
“Hush a little, please?”
“You’re so lucky you’re cute,” I muttered, grinning a bit.
We started eating shortly after that, though I finished first and it wasn’t like lunch had been a big meal to start with. Unfortunately, Velvet decided to try my patience for whatever reason and asked, “So how do you manage to eat so much, yet look like you’re about to die if you skip a meal?”
Night Light bit his lips and ducked his head a bit closer to his plate while Cherry stared at her Mum. “Um… Rude?”
Velvet waved it aside. “It’s an honest question, Twily.”
… Okay. Yeah. Alright then. I grinned at Velvet and asked, “I’d say it’s the opposite issue compared to yours, init? How do you stay so heavy while eating so healthy?”
Cherry froze, ceasing her casual pecking as she glanced between me and her Mum. “Max...”
Velvet laced her fingers together, laying her chin atop them as she smiled at me. “Are you trying to get poisoned, Dear? I know a few that might get my point across-”
I scoffed. “Red Menace is illegal in this country, Blue Dreams is actually kinda nice with bourbon,” Velvet stopped smiling and stared, “and if you can actually get your hands on White Death? Colour me surprised if you survive tryin’ to use it. That shit’ll ice you from popping the stopper to first whiff.”
“... So you know Starshine, then.”
“I’ve worked with her, yeah.”
Velvet nodded carefully, watching me for a reaction she probably wasn’t going to get. “And is that supposed to discourage poisoning you?”
Considering that I actually did have the blue one with bourbon… “Oh, no, it’s just to point out that it’s useless to threaten me with connections I ‘don’t know’ that you have,” I added some air quotes and continued with, “and now I’ll do that discouraging; If you poison me and I die, I’m going to be alive within twenty-four hours as well as being very upset about being poisoned.”
“C-Can… Can we talk about something else…?” Twilight asked cautiously, wringing her hands.
“Seconded,” Night Light grunted, sipping from his tea.
Velvet sniffed. “Mr. Immortal, then, hm?”
“Yeah, Mom…” My lover answered softly. “... Max has already died a few times.”
The elder mare rolled her eyes, but her daughter had never been one to lie, nor do it well at that. “... Oh.”
I spread my hands. “Threatening my life doesn’t work; The only value I give to it is related to your daughter, Spike, and what I can do for people. You wanna scare me, ya might wanna try killing my jokes instead of my body~”
Velvet snorted, squinting at me and my little grin until she accepted the lesson I’d already taught her son and husband. “You, Maximus, are difficult.”
“I’m also loveable and funny-”
“Most of the time,” Mummy Misery snorted.
“If that weren’t true, I’d object or something.”
Night Light pursed his lips as his wife giggled at my little quip. “Okay… That’s not fair.”
“Hm?” His wife asked, passing him a befuddled glance.
“That! He called you heavy! And back-talked you! This colt-”
Velvet sniffed, “Nightie, Max stood up for himself and while I don’t appreciate his comments, I understand that I could’ve been more polite myself. Also, if I punch him, Twily is going to be mad.”
Cherry nodded and her Dad ate the betrayal cake while it was still warm, so I smothered my smugness before it garnered more sodium from him. I’d had enough humble pie for myself, thank you very much. “Crock o’ shit,” Night Light muttered, keeping it inaudible for most.
I coughed because there- There was phlegm in my throat, yeah. Just a bit of a tickle or somethin’, I believe. In any case, Cherry shot me a look. “Don’t brainwash my Mom too, Max.”
“Oi-”
“Do you really need more support whenever you’re poking fun at ponies?”
I glanced around the table. “Okay, so you want me to say ‘no’-”
“You’re so lucky you’re cute,” Twilight huffed, trying to be irritated and failing as badly as she did while trying to dodge my kiss. Which is to say she put forth the minimum amount of effort for both. “Evil…”
“I’m sweet sometimes.”
“So is cyanide, Dear,” Velvet chuckled.
Cherry huffed again. “So Max really just… Turned the tables, so to speak.”
Velvet scoffed and admonished her daughter more gently than she’d bothered with me. “All the colt did was stand up for himself! It’s not like it was a debate!”
It seemed like a good chance to snag some brownie points, so I slipped in a little compliment. “I was debating on telling you that you don’t look like you’re even out of your thirties yet, but your damn husband came back and your daughter’s right here.”
I got hit for that and it was worth it. “Max! Stop trying to flirt with my Mom! She’s gonna be your Mom too, eventually!”
I shrugged off the disturbing thought. “Does that mean I can start harassing-”
“No.” The entire family chorused.
“Damn.”
“Language, Dear,” Velvet warned like the demon she is.
‘Nightie’ started to speak up since I was in the metaphorical spotlight, but I chopped his momentum. “Hey Night Light, nice flank.”
His face flushed as he narrowed his eyes a bit. “You’re slowly losing my respect.”
“I tend to gain respect, money, power, and influence in fits and spurts anyway. Sometimes all at once.”
“Stop hitting on my parents, Max,” Cherry groaned, rubbing her temples. “It’s weird.”
“Oi Twilight?” She raised her head enough to offer me a meagre smile. “Nice lips you got there, can I kiss ‘em?”
She seized the opportunity to shut me up and I pulled away giggling. “I swear, Max… You’re almost better when you’re quiet.”
I gave her my most heartbroken expression, playing up the little ache. “Seen, not heard. I get it…”
My future wife gave me a stern look. “Shush.”
Her Mum sniffed a bit, shooting Twilight a frown. “Sparkle, that’s unnecessary, don’t you think?” It really is, but I understand it.
Night Light shrugged and sat back down, giving little enough reaction to my performance. “You tell me to shut up all the time, Vel-Bell.”
Hungry Hungry Hypocrite huffed as expected. “That’s different!”
“Not by much,” Her husband muttered.
Velvet sniffed and shrugged it off. “Well, maybe sometimes you just don’t need to be heard?”
I took a bite of my pancakes to have a real reason to be quiet. Damn, that hurt a touch more than I thought it actually did… Still, it’s not like… Well, shite. Everyone tells me to shut up eventually… Maybe I should? It wasn’t my favourite thing to think about, though it had kind of been an off day from the first step out of the house. For the moment, I hoped that my anticipation had been leading up to the events that were unfolding. While uncomfortable and a touch awkward, at least it was manageable.
Twilight must have sensed my souring mood for once, instead of needing a more obvious hint. “It’s nice when you open your mouth and you’re not being mean or starting something. Sometimes just hearing your voice in the morning makes it a good day.”
Yup, everyone. That’s my gal. “Every time I see you smile I can’t help but feel a little better.”
“Aww,” Velvet crooned, casting a sideways glance toward Night Light, “why don’t you ever say things like that?”
“Because you’re heavy,” I blurted, smacking my forehead as I finished the last syllable. “No- No, sorry, sorry. I’m usually in trouble by now.”
I got hit for that immediately by her daughter. “Max.”
“The next time you call me heavy, I’m making you impotent.” Velvet threatened casually, shooting me something akin to a grimace.
“If I can’t get the willy to work, then you’re gonna be asleep for a week, at the least,” I chuckled.
Mother Dearest raised a brow. “There’s no antidote for that poison.”
“I’m not going to use poison.” My smirk wasn’t because I was taunting her so much as leading her into a trap.
She stomped the pressure plate instead of stepping on it. “Then how exactly do you plan on accomplishing such a feat, Dearie?”
“I’m going to record insults and copy them to a music player of some kind, then tape headphones onto you. I’ll have to enchant them…” I tapped my chin. “You’ll probably fall asleep to the soothing sound of English Sarcasm.”
“Max. Rein it in…?” Twilight asked, her voice tight.
I looked at Velvet. “I guess I’m stressing Cherry out.”
“It would appear that way,” The elder mare answered, eying me.
“Should we kiss to make her feel better?” I asked.
“Would you really want to kiss a mare as heavy as myself?” She teased, rolling her eyes.
“You’re barely even a size above Twilight and I can pick her up with one arm. If I like ya enough, ya might jus’ get that there smoochin’, an’ I like ya plenty, Sugar-Dumplin’.” I said in a goofy Southern American accent.
“Well thank ya, Darlin’, but my husban’ might take some offence ta that,” Velvet echoed, though her accent sounded rather authentic.
Night Light looked between us. “Did I miss something important? Is Max in trouble or not?”
Velvet shook her head. “No to both. All you missed was a little make-up kiss.”
Twilight groaned while Night Light just chuckled, laughing it off as his daughter voiced her complaints. “I swear, Max... Everywhere you go, you start something. I wouldn’t even be surprised if-” Twilight’s brow furrowed and she narrowed her eyes at me.
“Hm?” I lifted my brows, leaving my question technically unasked. I also happened to be pre-emptively stalling for a moment to come up with an excuse or two. The bus was rolling, and I happened to be closest to the curb.
Cherry snorted and rolled her eyes. “Just wondering if Max is pale enough to be the ghost that was supposed to be haunting you.”
“Max, why are you blushing so hard?” Velvet’s inquiry was far too timely and far too innocent.
“I think I actually met a ghost a few times,” if you count Noir, “and that’s been… Interesting. I’m shutting up good and proper now.” I’ve seen you naked, love, and I think your daughter knows. Hell, I almost took a picture with your camera...
“As ominous as that might sound, I’m sure we’ve exorcized it by now.” Night Light shook his head.
“Say, what if the Diadem being returned to Equestria made the ghost go away?” My future mother-in-law posed her question so casually, it would’ve been impossible to miss the razor sharp point behind it. Even if I was blind drunk with titanium skin, I’d have felt the jab.
Night Light, however, actually seemed oblivious. “Oh, that would line up pretty-” He broke the sentence and seemed to be in thought. “... Max, what was your first mission?”
Fuck every duck I’ve ever not punted. I chuckled, smiling easily and sliding on yet another conversational mask. “Reclaiming the Diadem of Sovereignty, oddly enough. I could tell you that tale sometime~”
He nodded. “I’d always wondered what exactly your missions were about, though we both know you shouldn’t be going into very much detail about them.”
“He does, though Max lurks and sneaks all the time anyway. It’s like… His thing.” Twilight took a deep breath and sighed.
Velvet laid a hand on her husband’s arm as I felt the wires of a snare close in around me. “That was the past, dear. I’m sure he didn’t do anything-” She thought and glared at me, so I whittled a little, quizzical smile into my facade. “Max, have you ever broken into my house?”
… Shit. I did my damnedest to play it off as an actually ridiculous question, but my girlfriend was already brain-thumping and I was on the spot. Chuckling, I made a little gesture and asked, “Why would I? It’d be kinda random, wouldn’t it?”
“That’s not an answer,” Velvet intoned, just barely missing neutrality with the slightest edge to her statement.
Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck- “Why would I break into your house at all? I don’t have and have never had a reason to do it.”
Both Twilights narrowed their eyes at me. If Cherry was dawning on it, then her mother definitely knew before she’d even asked. Hell, she confirmed that she was manoeuvring with a barely perceptible raise of her brow and a brief twitch in her lips. “Well, I just so happen to remember a certain event where somepony broke into my home to do something silly.”
My lover teleported out and I stared after her. Welp… Thank you. Thanks for that. “How silly is the silliness you speak of?”
“Very. Very silly,” Velvet deadpanned.
Night Light snorted. “The Tartarus did Twilight teleport off to?”
“Hopefully not breaking into somepony’s home,” Mother Dearest answered airily, keeping it casual with a slight giggle. “It’s not like Max makes a habit of breaking into pony’s homes, right?”
Yeah, yeah, I’m sorry and all that… But you’re pissin’ me off. “I’ve broken into lot’s of houses, but I didn’t usually know whose it was. Not gonna lie; There’ve been times I’ve done dumb shit, but never have I ever gone into a random’s house to deliberately ruin their lives.” Night Light sipped from his cup, looking between me and his rather passive wife for some kind of sign. “If I stole, it was to feed myself. If I broke into someone’s house, there was a purpose. Doing pranks while committing a crime is shtoopid.”
Twilight reappeared with her arms folded. She sniffed and practically barked, “Max.”
“Wait, did you not-”
“Yes, I cast an Invisibility Spell. I was asking before. I’m not asking now.”
I pretended to zip my lips and handed the key to her, eating the rest of my food. “Mhm.”
Velvet sighed. “Don’t tell me Max turned my furniture into a maze...”
“I won’t.” Twilight hit me casually and I gave her a look. “He knows better.”
“Max.” Night Light narrowed his eyes at me. “You never did actually answer the question.”
My lover covered for me. “Daddy, it’s still lunchtime. Let’s eat.” She tucked into her spinach.
Her parents traded a look and they both looked like they wanted to grill me, but then I said. “Night Light, I’ll suck your fuckin’ cock off if you open your mouth again. Velvet, I’ll give you nothing but pinto beans and bean-juice for a month after I jail you in Max-imum Security.”
Velvet blushed, Night Light blushed, and they both chose to shut up and eat while Twilight was giving me the dirtiest of looks. It read as ‘You’re gonna tell me why you did that eventually, and if I don’t believe you, it’s over.’
Twilight ceased her shit and lunch was about over when Velvet decided that bullshit was best served in heaps. “Night Light, dear, do I look heavy to you?”
“Only when you get scary,” He replied under his breath. More loudly he said, “Not at all, dear. Why do you ask?”
I stopped paying attention at that point and Twilight pinched me when I missed a question directed towards me. “Max, Dad asked you a question.”
“Sorry, I was-” pretending to be Popeye, “a million miles away. What’s up?” I asked.
Night light chuckled and rolled his eyes. “I was just saying that Vel and I don’t get to visit Twilight pretty much ever, so we were wondering if you’d mind showing us around Ponyville for a while?”
I glanced at Cherry, and while she seemed a little irritated with me, I still gave Night Light an affirmative on his request. Cherry actually cracked a smile for some reason after that, though why exactly was beyond me. Velvet seemed pretty content with the idea and there wasn’t much of a reason to hold off on our return. Thankfully, with Twilight One and Twilight Two being backed by Night Light, we weren’t going to have to take the train and I could get another snack from my own home. As much as I hoped that would be the case, Cherry was in charge of actually getting us back home and decided that her house is cooler than mine.
With snacking off my list of options, I offered to show them the more memorable landmarks around town, just in case they came back and needed to know where they were going. Twilight Velvet was all for it, though Night Light’s grimace told me that he was the origin of Cherry’s poor navigation skills. In any case, we didn’t even send Spike a message or anything, even after I brought it up twice. I just found it kind of… Callous to not even let him know that his supposed grandparents were in town, but it’s not like he talked about them very much anyway.
Showing Twilight’s parents the sights took an hour or two because they’re slower than their daughter. That’s fine and all when I have Twilight to help keep me slowed down, but she’d occasionally let go and I’d resort to old habits. It’s not like I was speeding up on purpose, it’s just how I do. In any case, they’d already met our friends, and there weren’t many landmarks to stop by because Ponyville, so we stopped by Blue’s shop so I could introduce them to my parent. Nothing important was said at first sight, though Velvet did ask how she put up with me on a daily basis.
It would’ve been nice to get a little jab from Mum or something. However, Blue told her that I just understand the world in a context vastly different than most. Admittedly, it really didn’t take her long to get used to some of my more wily ways and she rarely took anything I said seriously unless I spoke with a certain tone with a few expressions. While I’m aware that I control my emotions on an outward level when I need to, Blue’s never really been one to fall for my bullshit. Velvet was eager for a few tips on how to make me ‘less of an ass’, which got me glared at.
Night Light chuckled while Mum gave them some tips on how to deal with me up close and from a distance. I thought some of her suggestions were pretty strange, like waiting for me to smile after I said something stupid, mean, or outright hostile. It came as a bit of a shock since scaring Ponies wasn’t the problem it used to be, and I thought I made my sarcasm especially obvious in recent memory. Mum also explained which side of my mouth I smirked with when I said something derisive towards someone I genuinely despise. Even I hadn’t really been aware of that particular tell, but her advice all seemed solid. Even in context, there were a few things that I just couldn’t see because my eyes are like, in my face, and it’s not pleasant to look at yourself that way.
I mean, well, obviously…
Fuckin’ muppet. Moving on.
I fucked off with Twilight to go look at some things she thought were cute for a little while. It’s not like we hadn’t just gone shopping in the nation’s capital with the best quality goods available, but y’know. Whatever. ‘We’ found some leggings for her that I was rather fond of, mostly because they complimented her form quite well. She looked around and found some cute shoes to go along with them, so we brought them to the counter while Blue, Night Light, and Velvet were discussing theories as to why I am the way I am. Mum was doing a good job of telling the in-laws that I would answer as I felt necessary.
Since I was right behind them anyway, I just piped up a bit and voiced my opinion. “Y’know, it’s kinda weird that I’ve spent like, a quarter of this day with you lot and you didn’t bother to ask me any of this yourselves.”
I was already receiving Velvet’s baleful glare when she took the chance to ask, “Then just why exactly do you make such an ass of yourself?” My brows lifted as I went to answer, but Vel raised a hand and Mum nodded toward her. I respected the blue one’s wishes. “What I mean is that you do it purposefully, Max. You can’t say that you do not purposefully act antagonistically the very moment you perceive a slight.”
Her question was shite and more of a personal attack than an inquiry in my book, though Blue’s great for a lot of reasons and continued proving so. “Well, Velvet, if you actually paid attention, then you’d know that for yourself. It’s not complicated.”
The elder Twilight shrugged. “I know why, I just want him to say it in his own terms.”
“Then I’ll say it as his mother,” Blue deadpanned. “Max isn’t a Pony, and he doesn’t have the temperament of one. ‘Perceived’ goes out the window when you address a stallion like a child.”
Velvet shrugged and spoke to me directly. “Then?”
I kept my expression neutral as I replied, “It’s probably because I don’t take shit from people who don’t have my respect and it’s easy as fuck to lose it.”
“Language,” Velvet barked.
“Max?” Blue just shot me The Look.
“Yes, Ma’am,” I nodded toward her, deliberately ignoring Velvet.
Night Light and Twilight had been taking a back seat, which wasn’t unusual, though the old mares started laughing and I myself was lost. Velvet and Mum smiled at each other. “Sorry, Velvet, but that’s just how he is. You’ve probably been putting him on edge for a while.”
Twilight’s Mum waved it off. “I know, I know, but it really is incredible that he defers to you without question. I swear, your colt is…”
The mothers practically acted in perfect unison, rolling their eyes, sighing, and huffing, “Something else,”
“I know,” Blue chuckled, “but I wouldn’t have him any other way.”
Having just seen them laugh it all off like they’d planned the little quarrel made me feel like I’d just been bamboozled to the max,
No, no, I’m not even leaving that. I’d been super bamboozled and extra tricked, but I wasn’t exactly upset. Annoyed was more accurate. That said, Mum and Velvet continued to talk about me like I wasn’t there, so I looked at the father-daughter Peanut Gallery. They understood what was going on about as well as I did, so I chalked it up to the usual. Magic makes Ponies spastic and absolutely mad.
I eventually managed to get away from the conversation. We left before the business day ended and all, but fuck, I kind of forgot how bad old people could be when talking about their kids. It was something I just didn’t have to deal with that much, though I kind of had to wonder if I’d be the same way eventually. It didn’t seem all that likely. Then again, it didn’t seem impossible with Spike being the quality young chap that he is.
I’d wanted to have dinner with them since they were still around, though Twilight Velvet hinted at wanting to get ahead on some ‘housework’. My own Cherry of my eye wanted to get back home and do some science… Stuff herself, so the gals agreed to meet up some other time while I had a quick word with Night Light. Apparently he wasn’t too concerned about how his wife and I had been butting heads all day, though I had a sneaking suspicion that I was passing some kind of test. Even Celestia doesn’t strike me to be as shady as Velvet can be. Shit was sketching me out, and I had a nagging feeling on the back of my mind that something was still going to go terribly wrong with the day.
Night Light and I hadn’t been far in the first place, so Cherry stepped over and tapped my arm. Apparently Velvet was more than ready to go, and her daughter felt the same way. Our parting was so much briefer than the one we’d had at Mum’s shop, I was almost a touch offended. Not that I wanted another long goodbye. It was nice that they could just teleport themselves back home, leaving us to meander our way back to the Treebrary. Again, I wasn’t complaining or anything. I just kind of assumed that we were going out for dinner since they were in town.
Sadly, that just wasn’t the case and I had to make my own munchies. Still, it was nice to just spend a while writing and reading respectively, cuddling all the while. I occasionally touched Twilight because I could and she did the same, usually absent-mindedly stroking my face with the back of her fingers. While I’m generally decent about keeping my writing legible and cohesive, Twilight corrected my mistakes with a red pen when necessary. However, I’m the greatest there ever was, so she mostly just fixed some phrasing issues that I didn’t catch during my first go ‘round. Bravado aside, I kept working on my actual books and finished up with this. I like it when I have time to write.
… That said… It’s hard to tune into the foreboding while Twilight’s nearby, but that doesn’t mean it’s gone away. Something just ain’t quite right, and…
Hopefully it’s just the paranoia coming back since I’ve been drinking light wine, which I can cull easily. Shouldn’t have tried to start again anyway… But I dunno. Just don’t know.
✯☾Ω☽✯
Twilight and I just did some good old-fashioned snuggle time for most of the day, though I asked if she’d rather have me cook us something or just go out to eat. Again, I’m kinda tired of cooking everything we eat if Spike isn’t around, and I know he gets bored with it too. She didn’t want to trouble me, but I kept some of her favourite herbs and plants in my icebox just in case. It’s not like I was all that crazy about going out myself, though my stores of snacks were starting to get awfully low. I made her a quick salad and some stir-fry as the main course. If I could bake, I would've made some muffins or something, though hash brown casserole would suffice for myself. I’d made plenty of it to help sate my frankly outrageous appetite, so we ate off of each other's plates. I think I put it in the journal yesterday, but Popeye is one of my favourite things to come out of America. Can’t really say why I was fond of it. Maybe it was just my love for old cartoons, but the guy was barely understandable and used superfood steroids to defeat his foes, which was a little less than heroic. Still, I do like me some spinach and Twilight’s salad was full of it.
Hell, we spent the day doing a whole lot of nothing, though it struck me as odd that my general dread for the events to come had yet to pass. The paranoia usually didn’t stick around so long, even on some of my worse benders. I couldn’t nail down what was getting under my skin and into my psyche, so I did my damnedest to cast my own evil thoughts aside. When my lover noticed that the sun was starting to set, she told me that we had to go get our business at the Town Hall done. I totally didn’t forget about it or anything, but if I did, then I’d probably be less than eager to go. That said, we could’ve done that shite earlier.
I wanted to keep spending my day with Twilight, so I came along with her against my better judgement. The trip was spent in silence, though it wasn’t quite as companionable as it could’ve been. In fact, Cherry hardly responded to the few jokes I tried, which wasn’t really a bad thing. I’ve never really expected her to react to every little joke or story, though her general aura was just… Off. I felt like I was missing a key piece of some kind of puzzle, but…. In any case the walk was still rather nice.
The weather reminded me a bit of Wiltshire around early summer, and when we got into town, I could’ve sworn that pecan tarts were in the air. Following my nose led me to the snacks I desired, but some weird impulse of melancholy hit me like a lorry. We still had to and sort some shite out with Mary and all, though I just felt like going home. The thing was that I didn’t know what exactly that sensation was telling me. Something just told me that I wasn’t where I needed to be, and shaking the vibe wasn’t happening. Even if Mrs. Cake isn’t really a friend, I noticed that my usual mask was cracked when she left out any of her usual jabs or disdain.
If it had been anyone else, I wouldn’t have considered it so strange, but Mrs. Cake doesn’t and has pretty much never liked me. However, she held her tongue and I didn’t wanna chit-chat about shite I wasn’t even certain of myself. Cherry voiced her annoyance at the aside, especially when I only bought the one tart instead of cleaning out the bakery as per my usual. It just wasn’t in the cards and I didn’t have an explanation. My girlfriend let it go all the same.
From the moment we arrived, Town Hall seemed to be radiating the unease that had been plaguing me for the past couple days. When I went to open the door for Twilight, I closed my eyes and focused for a moment, trying not to let on that the paranoia might be back. A part of me prayed that I was wrong to be so on edge, and that my worries were just pointless stress. Another bit of the bumbling bloke I wanted to be right, but that would actually just suck, so I told that part to shut the fuck up. As it stood, there were just too many breathing patterns behind the doors. Too many people in Town Hall at once. I’d been there dozens of times, and while the Copper Shoppe was connected to it, there was rarely ever much of a reason for the officers to come over to the bureaucratic bits.
At least ten different breathing patterns were waiting in the wings, so I paused, looked over my shoulder, and met Twilight’s gaze. She was, as earlier, still annoyed by something, though being salty over me not buying a shit tonne of tarts just didn’t make any sense to me. Twilight was looking at the door before raising a brow at me, so I nodded toward our destination, leaving the question within my gesture.
“... Well?” Cherry asked, motioning with her hand.
“There’s at least twelve people in there right now-”
“How the- Max, how do you know that?” She asked, completely serious.
The slight parting of her lips and the furrow of her brow were completely natural. My lover was genuinely confused, and that was kinda… Weird. “I can hear ‘em, Cherry. It’s like, a door and maybe five meters between us and the nearest person.”
“Okay, yeah, that…” Twilight bit her lips, proceeded to purse the same lips, and nodded while trying to figure out how to feel about that. “Yeah, okay… So, Max? You… You know I love you, right?”
I returned her nod. “Yeah. What’s goin’ on?”
She sighed and gestured again. “... Open the door, you super-goof.”
I stared at her for a moment longer, fucking lost as to why she had evidently been acting pissy for half the day. At that point I could figure out that she was doing it on purpose, but the motive was every bit as clear as Vantablack. That said, I still trust Twilight with my life, and everything that I’m grateful for within it. Turning back towards what was probably something completely unworthy of being worried about, I opened the door to see a whole lot of darkness.
Well, until the lights flipped on and pretty much everyone I liked on the planet shouted, “Surprise!”
Above every other voice, I could hear AJ, Bloom, Pinkie, Spike, and Twilight when they cheered, “Happy birthday, Max!”
I kinda had to take a moment and stare. A second of reflection. Shit… They did this for me, even… Even after last time… It was an interesting feeling, I’ll say that much. Smiling and laughing seemed the most natural route, though I had never wanted a party in the first place and had been rather adamant that it be small if I was to have one. Being mad didn’t make any sense, but I didn’t know if I wanted to be happy or grateful for having my wishes disregarded completely.
Sweat threatened to leak from my eyes and I ate my bowl of nails (sans milk) while jumping up and down on Legos to keep the sweat back. After all, a man shouldn’t sweat too much if he’s not actually doing anything, and eating nails without milk is easy as fuck. The Legos, however, were killing me, so I had to put my shoes back on and sweat a bit to relieve the ache in my feet.
… Okay, yeah, I was fuckin’ touched and melting inside. My girlfriend had gotten my loved ones, kith and kin alike, all to show up in the same place at the same time just to show me they cared for me. That they truly, without a doubt, appreciated that I existed and was a part of their lives. Maybe that’s a bit sensational, but… When you’re the one sending most of the letters and doing the majority of the visiting, it starts feeling… One-sided. I guess it’d been getting to me on some level, which might’ve been why my eye-workouts made eye-sweating a little easier than usual.
Must’ve been onions and black pepper making me sweat and sniffle.
In any case, I had to put up with hugs and affection from most of the attendees in some form or the other. I might’ve been eye-sweating, but I could hardly contain myself. It was easily one of the sweetest, most meaningful gestures I’d ever received. As I went around and offered my thanks for everyone’s attendance, I noticed that a few people were hanging back. Fluttershy, Rarity, and Applejack delivered their hugs, though AJ was the one to ask if I really hadn’t wanted to have a party in the first place.
The truth was simple and none of them took offence, though Rarity was the first to point out that I seemed happier now than I had since before Cadance and Shining’s wedding. It was nigh-on impossible to disagree with her, so I didn’t even try to bother. It was… It was nice to have friends and family come together to say hi at the very least. Trixie and Blue found their way over to me and I received another pair of hugs, though Mum was sure to ask me if I’d even thought about the day at all. Again the truth was simple and I told her that I’d actually forgotten about it since I stopped caring long before I came to Equestria. Hell, we weren’t even that close to my actual birthday or the date I arrived on the planet. However, Mum didn’t really care and just marked the day as it stood. Honestly, the event itself didn’t matter in the slightest. It was a time to just enjoy having the people I actually like nearby.
Trixie and Blue gave way to Fancy and Fleur who told me that I had a present waiting, but I reminded them that I wasn’t supposed to be getting any presents and didn’t really intend on accepting any. They just smiled like arseholes and Fleur gave me a peck on the cheek. They stuck around to talk for a bit until the Apple Family came around, succeeded by Twilight and her family save for Shining, then the GalPals I hadn’t had a chat with yet.
Celestia, Luna, and Cadance all showed their faces since I’m fucking awesome, though Luna was the only one who didn’t hug me. She asked how Noir was doing and I told her that we’d grown a bit closer over the course of a few hours in the morning, but that just earned me a raised brow. Celestia asked to have a word with me in private, though her former student had yet to leave my side and didn’t plan on being anywhere else. Sun Butt reiterated the ‘private’ part, and as she chose not to wear a disguise, it was unwise to slight the de facto ruler of the land. I was loath to leave my lover behind, but I couldn’t snub Celestia in front of so many people, even if I have my privileges.
Once we were good and properly alone, it was hard not to giggle at her choice of locale. It was the very same room I’d abused Strawberry Petal in the first time. However, it was less funny when she cast her crown aside and leaned against the same table it resided on. Celestia crossed her arms, grimacing a bit. “You know beating Blueblood again deserves another reward, no?”
“If it’s a reward, why do you look guilty?” I asked dryly.
Sun Butt sighed. “I’ve been looking for a reason to strip him of his titles. Striking a Knight of Equestria while cheating during an Honour Duel are both very good reasons. Thank you for that.”
I hesitated to answer. As long as I’d known her, Celestia had rarely removed her crown to have a chat with me. Even then, if she did so, then it was generally to show that she was speaking from the heart. With no pretence, at least. “... What is it?”
Celestia raised a brow and avoided the subject she was trying to broach. “... Twilight said you didn’t want any presents, but I thought that was ridiculous. I just added the money you spent on Trixie’s house back into your account if that makes you feel any better.”
I gave her a pointed look. “It’s not doing something nice for someone if it doesn’t really affect you, and we both know what you’re doing, Cel.”
She tried to smile, but it came off as a sombre expression. Her eyes crinkled, though she just didn’t seem to have any enthusiasm behind it. “It’s the thought and the fact that you were willing to do it that really matters, Max. You paid out of your own pocket and set that mare up for a comfortable life. I did it for you because I’m… Me. I have the resources. If I say ‘Jump’ in a national paper, my little Ponies would probably do a little hop on instinct alone…” I didn’t like the comparison, nor the implications thus far. “... You’re not an average man. Not much of a Pony, either. However, it’s… It’s impossible to deny your potential, Max. Anything to the contrary is a lie or denial, without question.”
“Okay.”
“... As for your reward for beating Blueblood, I’ve decided to up the ante.”
I groaned and her grin tightened. “Don’t tell me you’re adding more towns to my Barony.”
She shook her head and sucked air through her teeth. “No... Fleur de Lis and Fancy Pants have told me that you don’t garner much respect in the upper echelons of Canterlot society. That said, with your recent assertions and your continuous success in your writing, patents, and-”
“Oi!” I practically shouted, glancing at the door. “The fuck- You know about that?”
She raised a brow. “I personally possess at least two copies of every book you’ve ever published, which I’m sure isn’t the point. As far as your inventions… Did you really think that an alias and separate account would mean a damn thing? Especially… ”
Well, fuck. “Okay, alright… So what’s the thing, Cel?”
Celestia gave me a sly smile. “Barons may not get that much respect, but Dukes do.”
I withheld my salt, settling for a casual, “Are you fuckin’ kidding me?”
She came over and patted my shoulder. “There there, I’m not making you a Duke. I’m just pulling your metaphorical tail.”
“That’s evil, but at least-” She made a hesitant noise as I spoke. It didn’t bode well. “... No.”
“I’m not making you a Duke, but I am giving you Blueblood’s titles.”
It took me a second to put together her words. This bitch. This... Cunt! “... I’m sorry, did you just say that I’m a fucking Prince now?”
Celestia shrugged. “Consider it a reward for your efforts, or a punishment for defying me so often and so consistently.”
“Celestia, don’t pull this-” She grimaced. “Oh fuckin’- Bloody fuckin’-” The breath rushed from my lungs. “... Don’t do this…”
Sun Butt tried for a more convincing smile, though I doubted that it was for my own benefit so much as hers. “My my, I thought that being royalty was the best gift a pony could be given.”
I nearly exploded at her then and there. “You know I know better than that! What about my town, Celestia? What about Twilight and my friends!?”
She shrugged. “Then I suppose you’ll have to build your new city around the one you have. You could always keep Ponyville as the Old Quarters and call your new city something else.”
I ran my hands through my hair and had myself a seat. “You don’t understand how hard I’m going to spite you for this.”
Her hand brushed my shoulder, then settled on it. “You’ll thank me in time, sweetheart.”
“You’ve dumped more responsibility on my lap than I ever cared to handle, locked me down in Equestria, painted a target on my back, probably estranged me from the few enough friends I have, forced me into being something I never wanted to be, expect me to change my town and what it is-”
“Maximus, since when do you listen to me? Do what you want; you’re a Prince now,” She scoffed, chuckling softly. “... I’ve given you diplomatic immunity, as well as every opportunity you could ever dream of… The freedom to do as you please within reason-”
“I already had that, Celestia... I had what I needed and wanted to be happy, and that’s all I ever cared to have.”
Sun Butt scoffed derisively. “... And you’re happy now. As it stands, you, Maximus, are happy?” Resisting the reflex to spit, I struggled to find an answer to that. At least, an honest reply that I could put my heart behind. She tilted my head up to hold and maintain eye-contact. Her mask had always been translucent to me at the worst times. I could see some regret and a bit of discontent hiding in the slight furrow of her brows and the strain of her grin, making me sure that she was wavering on her decision. “You’ve already shed blood and earned your scars for Equestria, Max. It’s only fair that you’re rewarded for your deeds… I’m… I am sincerely offering you the title of Prince… Because you- Well, you’re worthy of it...”
I caught her eye and held her gaze. “How happy are you being a Princess? How happy are you knowing that millions of lives rest on your shoulders?” I asked. Celestia fell silent for a moment. She didn’t say anything, so I spoke. “If you want to make me happy, then I have things I need your help to do,.” I said gently.
“... I’m not doing this to make you happy either, but I’ll offer consolation as I can. What do you want me to do?”
… Ominous… “The first thing is that I want Applejack’s farm to grow as a business and as a home. I know you can make that happen.”
Celestia blinked. “I… I suppose I could do that. Are you asking me to remodel the homestead or replace it entirely?”
“Fix it up, complete remodelling.”
“That’s doable. I suppose I could also help her get her wares across Equestria more easily.”
I nodded. “Thank you. The next thing is that I want Rainbow Dash in the Wonderbolts Academy.”
She gave me an odd look. “Twilight told me that you’re the one who broke her hand.”
“And she let me do it. Her penance is fulfilled.”
“Then I’ll have a word with Spitfire when I return to Canterlot. Do you want her to speak to Rainbow personally?”
“Yes. Warn her that Rainbow is a little cocky and quite the super fan.”
“Done. What else?”
“I want Twilight’s lab to be upgraded. She can do most of the shite she needs to as is, but there are improvements she’s been meaning to make.”
“You know she’s going to blow something up, right?” Celestia inquired.
I shrugged. “I didn’t make her a crazy Unicorn. Blame her parents.”
She shook her head. “I’ll consider it. I’m assuming you want something for Rarity, Pinkie, and Fluttershy as well?”
“I do. I want some new fabrics and materials for Rarity, I need to find out what Fluttershy wants, and I want Pinkie to have a house.”
“Done, done, and done. Are you sure there’s nothing that you, personally, want?”
I thought about it for a minute. “Well I’ve heard there’s a war coming, so I’d like a sword and a shield. Speaking of, you have the Dryad Matron’s aid if you want it when the time comes.”
Celestia stared at me for a moment, glanced at the door, then cleared her throat. “... How many people know what you’ve just told me?”
“Just myself and Twilight.”
“Keep it that way,” She ordered.
I nodded, already of the same opinion. “No need to spread panic. That might just make things start earlier.”
“Exactly. I know you can keep a secret, so hold it closely.”
“I will, though you could always persuade me further by licking my bumhole.”
She rolled her eyes. “If that’s all you have to say, then we have a party I’ve been keeping you from.”
“Yeah, what a shame it’d be to ruin such a lovely party with heavy news or some shite.”
The Princess snorted and rolled her eyes. “... Again… Sometimes the best choice doesn’t leave anyone happy, Max. No one at all.”
Celestia smiled one last time and led the way out of the room, but I quickly found out that Cadance and Shining were waiting for her to be finished with me. Why exactly wasn’t immediately apparent, so I sighed heavily and stepped back into the room to get it over with. I was expecting congratulations on my new titles or something. Maybe some kind of consolation. However, all they wanted to do was thank me for showing them the joys of bondage and sadomasochism... Apparently Cadance liked it even more than she thought she would and Shining, much to his shame, liked it more than he thought he should. I asked them to keep the details out of it since Shining was supposed to be my brother or something.
That said, no one ever listens to me, and I needed some brain-bleach by the end of our talk. By the time I was done ignoring the mental images, I was able to skate by without getting caught on my way to Twilight’s side. My timing was rock-solid since Pinkie- Well, it was Pinkie, so never mind. In any case, Pinks and Trixie appeared with a bit of a flourish, showing off a layered cake decorated to match my usual colour schemes. That in and of itself was awesome, though the cake coolness-factor jumped up another couple of notches since it had my seal and the Warbling Blade on the front, made with either fondant or icing.
Luna used some sketchy looking magic to light the candles, signalling my friends and family to do the embarrassing thing. Ignoring that shit, I tried to blow the magical flames out. They relit every time, so I stared at Luna because it would’ve been funnier if she hadn’t used magic. Her smug little look lasted long enough for me to pick up one of the candles and eat it. I felt like a badass until I burped up smoke. Moon-Moon panicked and quickly extinguished her magic before it could cause me any actual harm, which I thought was nice of her. Her irritation got a few chuckles while I got scolded for doing dumb shite, but what else is new?
Speaking of new things and dumb shite, I briefly considered what kind of cake or flavour they’d used as I cut into the one present I really couldn’t deny. Thinking back to uh… Some interesting times while I’d been in Equestria, I had to wonder if I’d ‘recognize’ the taste. The cake was a lovely, rich royal blue, and tasted like cake… I mean, it was good cake and wasn’t very familiar, so it was better than I’d been prepared for.
… Yeah, at least it didn’t taste like Celestia or Fluttershy.
I ate my slice after everyone was served, and that’s when Pinkie brought out a bottle of punch she’d been saving for a few years. Apparently it was so packed with sugar, she’d had to distil it to kill some of the sweetness. Everybody except Spike got to taste it, but as we were all knocking back our shots, she let us know that it was up there with Zap Apple Jack. That explained why it hurt so much and sent most of the ladies into a coughing fit. Fancy and I were alright, though neither of us were going to ask for a second one any time soon.
While we were there, Orchid reminded me that her party was going to be in a couple more days and I assured her that I would be there along with Twilight. Speaking of my lover, she only left my side a few times throughout the party to talk to Celestia, Luna, Cadance, and Shining. I caught a glimpse of her talking to Fleur in a corner for a moment, but I figured that tuning in to their conversation would be rude, so I busied myself by talking to Macintosh, Fancy, Spike, and Shining since we were the only males at the party. Twilight came to rejoin me and handed me my pipe and an ornate box, though I didn’t know where she got them from since I hadn't seen her bring them along with us when we came. It’s not like I was complaining, but still. She teleported her own pipe into her hand and asked me if I wanted to have a little fun with everyone, so I asked if she minded handling the party for a little while so I could run back home and grab some drinks for those who didn’t want to smoke.
I Shadow Dived home and filled my satchel with Zap Apple Jack, gin, bourbon, whiskey, some white wine, but before I left, I poured some gin into another jar and mixed it with the Local Special because I’m evil like that. Nashoba walked into the living room as I was kneeling and I asked if she needed anything before I went anywhere. I wasn’t really expecting much, though she told me that she wanted a hug before I left. She got her squish and I asked what she’d been up to while I was away. Nashoba didn’t elaborate beyond ‘Wolfmother business’ and left it at that. Her business is her own, though, so I wasn’t going to dig. We agreed to meet up as our paths cared to cross, essentially meaning that she was going to be out and about more often than not.
As much as I love Nash and respect that she’s her own ‘person’, so to speak, I… I just miss having her near, I guess. Knowing that she’s within earshot at any given moment helps and all, but it’s not the same as being able to reach out and touch her. In any case, she was gone before I myself left. After rising in Strawberry Petal’s shadow because I’d felt like it, I got my smile back and shook the last of the melancholy that had been dragging me down. Strawberry’s arse wasn’t the nicest sight, but it’s not like she noticed as I rejoined the ensemble.
Like, five minutes after everyone had a drink, my lover told me that it was time to open my presents. I did not want the presents. In fact, I’m rather sure I only agreed to a party as long as it was small and didn’t require me to accept any gifts. There were at least twenty people at said party and now my other request was being ignored. It wouldn’t have been as annoying if I didn’t have to take them. Curses to society and social niceties! I couldn’t tell people to take their shite back because it would be rude, though I’m also me, so I considered it anyway.
Seeing as how pretty much everyone present knew who the fuck I am and how I be from time to time, Mum, AJ, and Granny were nearby as soon as I sat down. Even if I could get verbally tricky with Applejack and distract her long enough to leave, Mum was still to the right of Twilight and Granny was facing me anyway. I’d been outplayed seven ways to Solday, having to accept that I wasn’t getting out of my free shit any time soon.
The first present turned out to be the biggest blow since Twilight had asked the Galpals to band together and get me a typewriter. They were a little older than gramophones/record players in Equestria, but they’d hardly dropped in price over the years, if at all. I literally would not have flinched at the price no matter what model, but as it stood, the GalPals themselves weren’t all rich. Like, Dash and Flutters come from decent families and Sweet Apple Acres has been doing better with business… Still, it had to at least be a hundred bits, and they’d even gotten ink, spare paper, and a personalized stamp for it…
I didn’t want the damn thing, but I choked it down with a smile that fucking hurt and swore that I’d pay each one of them back ten times over. Twilight teleported the stuff home for me, which admittedly made it easier to keep opening the shit people bought me for no reason. I had a few gifts left to unwrap, but Christ... The cape Trixie got me was excellent and awesome because it was goofy and she’s goofy. Instantly, I had to throw it on and laugh because it was just fuckin’ goofy. Why the fuck would I need a cape? Why the fuck would I want one?
To remind me of Trixie, and that’s why I loved it.
Blue gave me some pleasant cologne that I’d likely hesitate to use every day of my life, and Fancy gave me an expensive blend of herbs. Luna gifted a painting that I was rather fond of, though the name ‘Bonky’ didn’t register at all. Still, it was a hilariously apt depiction of my relationship with Moon Moon herself. There were also a number of enchanted blanks that I could write in without worrying about my page-count, which was super useful. After all, trying to squeeze the Lover’s Day’s books into a pre-made blank hadn’t worked. To round off the event, Twilight gave me something that she told me to open when we got home. The box was light and flat, though if the blush on Twilight’s face told me anything, it was that I had an interesting night ahead of me.
Along with the blank books of varying sizes, I got some intriguing pens in different colours since everyone knew I was a writer at this point. However, Cadance had already expressed some discomfort after I’d opened the typewriter. Apparently she was pretty embarrassed to have bought me something redundant, but the funny part was something only Fancy and myself (And Celestia, I forgot) would’ve known; Cadance bought the pens because they were new tech in Equestria, which had been patented and put into production by Fancy on my behalf. I gratefully accepted my gifts and made a mental note to thank Cadance for paying me to give me my own presents. Fuckin’ amusing, it was.
After expressing my gratitude for those who’d bothered to gather, I made a point of staring Twilight down while casting the easily-accessed Shade Spell that has a million different incantations. In other words, I tattled on her and told everyone that I’d specifically asked that no one get me anything. My words and insistence that I really didn’t want free shit for no reason were both met with scoffs of different intensities. Twilight rolled her eyes so hard, the Moon skipped a couple feet in its orbit and Mum nagged me for being ‘ungrateful’. Sun Butt, however, still rules the country and was free to tell me that I was lucky. She was lucky that I couldn’t curse her name to Hell and Gehenna due to Mum being within range, though Celestia waited until she knew I was going to hold my tongue to elaborate. In essence, she said that I should be ‘happy’ that so many people tolerate me and my nonsense to consider me a decent ‘thing’, which was just back-handed enough to slide. If it had been a compliment, then she’d have caught an earful.
As it stood, I still threatened to send her the ten biggest dil-dongs I could find while she was presiding over Day Court, which was treasonous. Casually treasonous, might I add. The gasps from around the room were quieter than the slap Mum placed so lovingly across my bicep. I hissed instead of laughing because fuck. It wasn’t worth it. It wasn’t worth it at all. Cels bought me some amnesty from my own adopted mother by laughing it off and warning me against the idea, lest I give her ammo to use in her own pranks.
Mary took me aside during a lull in the party to tell me that Ponyville now had some plans for expansion and that the Princesses were going to help finance some public works. Apparently she didn’t know that I was about to make Ponyville home to one of the Equestrian Royalty. As for finances, we’d have been fine with my own money, though it was apparently odd that I even volunteered my personal funds in the first place. That said… Like, maybe four people in that building could outbid me on anything in general, and that’s not counting Celestia or Luna. The talk got really boring and political after that, so I’m leaving it out since I don’t even want to remember that shit.
We got past the business chat before too long. Rejoining the party again could’ve been smoother and would’ve been if Strawberry Petal hadn’t addressed me as ‘Master’ twice without thinking about it. Fleur and Rarity found it amusing to no end when she tried to play it off, but Applejack is honest to a fuckin’ fault, I swear. The farm-filly asked why Strawberry was trying to skip such an interesting titbit. Me being me, I almost ruined it all until I happened to catch The Feeling. The Feeling that Mum was looking at me. I didn’t wanna get hit again, so I covered for her and reasoned that it sounded better than ‘Baron’. It did to me, anyway, so it wasn’t necessarily a lie, but Fleur saw through the bullshit because she’s actually attentive. I rather wished that Blue hadn't heard my excuse, but I’m just not allowed to have nice things sometimes.
As far as the party went, I did a lot of chatting and joking around, though all good things come to an end. My ‘little’ gathering wrapped up with more hugs and whatnot, though Mum and AJ both wanted to know why I’d been ‘masked up’ when opening the typewriter and the accessories. I shrugged and slid my hands in my pockets, looking at both of them in turn without saying anything.
AJ squeezed my arm and chuckled, leaving it at that before wishing me a good night. Mum raised a brow as she walked away, eyeing me as I grimaced. “... You know, Max… I think AJ is a pretty good mare.”
I glanced away, unsure of where that was coming from. “... Yeah, she’s quality folk. Top-notch knucklehead. What are you getting at there, Mum?”
Blue shrugged. “Just seems like she understands, is all. Whatever you’re trying to say, she gets it.” I nodded, but Mum just offered me a little smile and patted my arm. “... You’re weird, Max, but I love you.”
“Well, you’re blue and I love you, so I think that’s a given.”
“Hush.”
“But Muu~uum!”
“Oh, quit your shit,” Blue scoffed, rolling her eyes. “... Anyway… Keep your eyes open, Max. I don’t think you see as much as you believe you do.”
Whatever the fuck she meant by that, I didn’t know. Unfortunately, she didn’t explain and walked away as well. Speaking of things I wasn’t aware of, evidently Fleur and Fancy were going to stay at my place for the night for some odd reason. I was all for it since they’re two of my favourite people, though Twilight started acting a bit out of character when they joined us on the trip back to my place. While we were strolling, it was hard to ask Twilight if she was feeling alright, though any given thing she said more or less made me doubt her mood.
When we got back to my house, Fleur and Fancy caught me up on the stuff that was going on in their lives and I gave them a summary of what Cherry and I had been up to. Twilight seemed rather nervous and it wasn’t abating, so I held her hand with both of mine and she seemed to ease up a little bit. Fancy excused himself to use the restroom and Fleur asked me to go grab some wine from the cellar, so I figured that they were going to have a quick chat while I was gone. I scanned my recently restocked supply of wine and figured that I might as well grab some plum wine and a nice chardonnay to go along with it. I liked the chardonnay well enough, so I’d probably share a couple glasses with Fleur. With Fancy in mind, I wandered upstairs and found that he’d poured himself some bourbon that we’d brought back from the party,
While I’d been hoping to share a glass with Fleur, I just didn’t want to drink anymore for the night. Thankfully, Cherry seemed to have calmed down while I was away. At least she wasn’t acting as skittish as she’d been doing. The conversation kicked up again, though the social-steering that Fleur and Twilight were doing made me question the ulterior motive. It’d have been harder to ignore it, and as I don’t exactly appreciate bush-abuse, I told them to spit it out, point-blank.
Because the entire subject and events following the broaching of said topic were all awkward to the point of making me cringe, I’m gonna summarize it; Twilight wanted to see me sleep with her Aunt, and Fleur was game for it. Fancy, however, wasn’t interested in watching this time around, though we didn’t even make it into a room. Hell, the extent of my contact with Fleur was a kiss on the cheek before I sat back down and denied Cherry’s offer.
Fleur tittered a bit, drawing herself up to faff about and make a show of being offended. “Well, I never! Would you have something to say to me, Maximus?”
I shrugged. “You’re gorgeous and I enjoy your company, but our history is in the past and I need us to have a platonic connection now. I chose Cherry; If she’s not partaking, I’m not interested.”
The former Operative’s grimace was well-warranted. “I- I think you know that’s… Not gonna happen.”
I spread my hands. “And I’m not even slightly disappointed about that, Fleur. I appreciate you for reasons I can’t see or feel, y’know. I’ve never considered sex important, and sex isn’t even close to the top ten reasons I associate with you.”
Fancy chuckled heartily, pretending to cough when he noticed that Twilight seemed shocked. “Well, of course, Old Chap. I daresay our friendship has been stronger for your lack of willingness to bed my wife-”
“Really?” Fleur and I echoed.
“Oh, Tartarus on ice…” Twilight groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose as she sighed.
“Everything alright, Cherry?” I inquired, sliding my hand over her shoulders.
She grinned a bit. “Just thanking the stars that my plans fell through, I guess.”
Fleur sniffed, though her smile ruined whatever attempt at annoyance she was shooting for. “Oh? So you weren’t actually hoping to see your dear old Aunt-”
“Auntie Fleur, please. I am so not ready to see that.”
I couldn’t even laugh; My girlfriend had just aced the fuck outta Fleur accidentally. “... Okay, ouch. I love you too, Twily.”
Cherry huffed and chuckled, offering up a nervous grin. “Sorry, but I don’t think you’d wanna peek in on me, would you?”
“Of course not,” Fleur lied through her teeth, “but still.”
Thankfully, Fancy and I were of the same mind and didn’t call the lecher out on her crap. That said, I was pretty worn out even before Twilight had packed a pipe, and doubly so after the third bowl. By the time the day changed over, Fancy and Fleur had already gone to bed while Twilight and I were getting ready ourselves. However, the companionable silence that had become common was replaced by a general sense of unease.
The tension between us was useless, so I measured out the force and distance necessary to drive the ‘nail’, so to speak. “So you wanted me to sleep with Fleur, right?”
Cherry, having waited to dress for bed, sighed and gave me a piece of the puzzle. “Honestly…? I just wanted to… I dunno, give you birthday snacks, in some form… Even if I dunno if I’m ready for it…”
I snorted, chuckling. “I appreciate the gesture and all, but just hearing ‘Happy Birthday’ from you was every gift I could’ve wanted for the day.”
Twilight had a bit of a giggle herself. “Yeah, I figured…”
“Why Fleur?”
Cherry shrugged. “... You more or less gave her the best review…”
“... I mean, fair enough, but it’s kind of like asking which brand of blank I’d prefer, y’know?”
“I get what you mean and what you’re saying, but Stars above, Max… That’s cold.” I couldn’t say much to it. She knew how I felt about sex in general. “So why, then?” She continued. “What’s the reason you sleep with so many mares?”
I took a deep breath and searched for an answer. I found the most plausible truth after a few minutes and spoke. “I think… The answer’s probably not going to make either of us happy…”
“Max, I need to know…”
“I… I’ve probably developed some form of hypersexuality…” I admitted softly. That… That was harder to say than I thought it’d be.
“I don’t understand what that means, Amour.”
“... It means I use sex as a coping mechanism for…” I shook my head, unable to face her. “... I use it to cope with some stuff that I couldn't control.”.
She seemed to grasp it without needing clarification. “... Why would you want to relive something like that?”
Again, it was another tough question to answer. “Because when I’m in control, I… I guess it feels like I’m not weak... It feels like it’s my choice and… It’s empowering… Which is why I’m so quick to give out advice to those who need it. I… I think it’s that and I like to make people happy. Sex does that so easily, even if it’s only for a few moments… And...” It feels like that’s all most of-
“And it feels like that’s most of what our own friends want from you too…”
I tried to smile, but I just couldn’t slide on the mask with Twilight. “... Even some of my other relationships are based off of sex and continue because people just want it from me...”
She let out a breath. “Max, I know I have your heart, but… I don’t know… I don’t think you should be using snacks as anything other than a natural means to grow closer to a person, and I can’t tell you that you’re wrong since I’ve supported it for so long… Is it… Does it affect your day if you don’t get to sleep with someone?”
“Having someone to hold or hold me at night keeps the nightmares away. Other than that, there’s no need for it.” Hell, when was the last time I took care of business myself?
She rubbed her cheeks and looked at me, so I finished what I was doing and offered up a grin. Cherry returned the gesture, though she seemed a little less enthusiastic. “... If I tell you that I don’t want you to sleep with a mare, it doesn’t happen. I know I don’t have anything to fear when it comes to a mare stealing you away from me… I just… Just not Fleur. For some reason, I can’t deal with it if it’s Fleur...” She shook her head and sighed. “... Like… I know I’m not the prettiest-”
My scoff was met with a raise of her brows, but I had to question her sanity for a moment. It took a few more steps to cross my room than most, though I still stole her hands and held them in my own. Twilight struggled to maintain eye-contact, but it wasn’t unusual. “Twilight Sparkle, you are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met, in body, mind, and spirit. Fleur de Lis is a friend that I’ve had sex with, and at this point in my life, it’d be weirder if I hadn’t. She looks fine, she acts fine, but she just…” I shrugged and pursed my lips. “... Fleur isn’t you, Twilight. Your Mum might look like you a bit-”
“Stop flirting with and enraging my Mom,” Cherry sniffed.
“I would if I could, but I’m irritable and difficult.” My girlfriend bobbed her head a bit in acquiescence. “Okay, ouch, and I don’t know how to explain this in another way so that you’ll see it... I love you, Cherry. Nothing will ever change that or come between us if I have a say in the matter, and I need to know that you understand that.”
Twilight’s lower lip quivered and she shed a tear or two while I was talking. “I- I… I needed to hear that, Max. Mi Amour... Don’t let me keep you from having f- fun on your birthday. I-”
Oh, you hopeless little love-lark… “It’s past midnight, Twi. You can’t trick me into another party and blame it on me, now.”
She didn’t bother arguing and let me steal her kisses, which really shouldn't count as theft. However, she intended on giving me one or two and I took multiple minutes before I pulled away. “... Thank you for understanding.”
I gave her a warm smile. “Are you starting to get it now?”
She sighed again. “... So you know Celestia already ratted you out, right?”
I almost panicked because I couldn’t remember if I played a prank recently, but had to wonder if she was talking about my brand new, shiny, caustic titles. “Wait, what did I do?”
The look I got for that was well-warranted. “... What did you do?”
“I genuinely do not have an accurate answer to that…”
“Because you forgot, or because you don’t want to hear me praise you?” I glanced away, looked back at her, then tried to remember what I’d forgotten, but it was taking too long and I was about to bottom out my brainy bits. “Oh, wow, no, Max… You asked Celestia for favours; One for all of the fillies in our main circle.”
“Oooooh-”
“Oh my gosh-”
I raised my hands. “Okay, I just forgot-”
Twilight shot me a dirty look, or at least she tried to before she started giggling. “Seriously… It’s your birthday, and there you go giving other ponies presents...”
If I had a reply, I would've gone with it then and there, but I couldn’t do much other than shrug. When she mentioned it out of context, it sounded weird. “I dunno what to tell ya, Cherry. I didn’t want anything for my birthday other than a few friends around. The people I like showed up for the most part. It’s all I really cared about.”
“.... What do I have to say for you to understand that it was supposed to be your day?”
“I get it, Cherry, I really do.” I shot her a mild smile, though I was kinda tired of running the same conversational rut. “All I want from you is- Well, I steal your kisses regularly, so the thing in the slim box would be interesting, but I understand if you don’t want to use it tonight.”
Her eyes widened. “Do you already know what it is?”
“I have a few ideas, but nothing concrete.”
Twilight swayed from hoof to hoof for a moment, playing coy more than her natural shyness usually would’ve permitted. “I can still show it to you tonight, if you want...”
I let go of her hands and cupped her face before kissing her gently. While sparing some detail probably wouldn’t do any harm, I gotta admit… Twilight’s sense of fashion truly did not extend to lingerie. As a matter of fact… Cherry’s taste in livery was excellent. I can’t describe it because Twilight’s too embarrassed to let me record it, but I’m allowed to say that it was black and purple; Modest, yet risqué while still sheer and sexy. Even if the date was actually up in the air for the time being, my special birthday mouth-hug that was simply delightful.
Cherry continued to levy the surprises on the side of wonderful when she proved that she’d been paying attention all along. Not that I measure the time or anything, but that might have been the fastest finish to date, and I could be a lot more upset about it. It was a nice way to end the day, but the thing that made it even better was that Twilight let me return the favour after she got me off twice. She did so reluctantly, but I really just wanted to see if she tasted like wine and she totally did. We ended the night with Twilight snuggling close into my chest and me ignoring a note that came when Twilight had just fallen asleep.
Fuckin’ fool I was for that one…
✯☾Ω☽✯
I woke up before the sun rose and disentangled myself from Twilight as gently and carefully as I could, grabbing the note from where it had fallen on her shoulder. After taking myself to my study, I sliced it open with a letter-thingy and gave it a quick skim, then had to turn around and reread the shite because I could hardly believe it. The handwriting was neat and rather calligraphic, so at least it was pretty bullshit. That said, I’d assumed that my status as a Prince would mean that Operative business was now out of my wheelhouse, especially if someone recognized an Equestrian Royal as a fucking Operative.
From the penmanship alone, it was fairly obvious that I’d never exchanged a letter with the sender before, or at least the proxy used to write it. Keeping in mind that the note wasn’t signed, if it wasn’t Celestia, Luna, Cadance, or Shining sending me on a mission, then I sure as fuck wasn’t gonna think about doing it. At least the damn thing warned me that I’d have a visitor soon, though again, I didn’t know who that was. Shite was infuriatingly vague to say the least. Rousing Twilight was the first thing on my list of shit to get done as soon as I could, and that took some time.
… Okay, so I snogged her awake and just kept doing it because I knew I could, but fuck you. I felt like it.
Cherry was actually just kissing back in her sleep, so I decided to slip her some tongue and see what she made of that. My intrusion into her mouth actually did wake her up and she started kissing me back fervently. I’d barely managed to drag us apart long enough to get dressed when my door rang. Whoever it was had an earful to hear, and I was conjuring more salt and vinegar to chuck at them as I marched down to chide a chap.
I slid down the banister to save time, though it also validates practising the shite if I keep doing it. As I hopped off the long, slender, smooth piece of wood, I found myself considering Macintosh and just how bulky the fellow was. With his strapping stature and sheer musculature, I doubted that he’d be able to ride the rail as easily as I could. He’d have such a hard time fitting himself on the rail, let alone squeezing into the narrow passage of my home. As I reached for the knob before me, I wondered if Macintosh’s massive mitts would be gentle or firm if he were handling it. It was sillier the more I thought about it. I was nearly certain that he would treat it tenderly, as if it were his own. Of course, I had no idea how he treated his knobs in his own home, but I was certain that his gruff exterior hid a kind soul that would turn knobs with the gentlest of ease.
Knob talk aside, I opened the door because I was ready to unload some vitriol on the cunt who invited themselves to my house. However, The Bee-est Queen I knew of… Really just wasn’t on the list of people I’d been expecting. She was alone, which was also not something I expected. “... Good morning… Queen Chrysalis.”
“Indeed,” She answered, her voice doing a strange warble with every word. “Do you intend to keep me waiting all day?”
This… Man- Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. “... Nah, come in. You want some coffee, or…?”
I backed out of the way and led the way in, letting her make the pace. Chrysalis seemed amused, though her intent behind sending me to Bridleland just… Just didn’t make any sense. While hoping for clarification seemed foolish, I still held onto a mite. “So this is the home of Maximus Gadai? Equestria’s Cloaked Dagger?”
She was technically a guest, so I didn’t snap at her immediately. “Oddly enough, I wanted something less than a quarter the size.”
“Humble then, are we?” She… Drawled? The strange vibrations behind her words muddled her inflection, though the annoyance was hard to miss.
In any case, it was still my house and my land, so she could eat shit. “Is that bitterness in your mouth, or the heady aroma of the man that slapped you silly and walked away without consequence?”
She hummed behind me, though I doubted that even Chrysalis would be suicidal enough to attack me on my own turf. I also didn’t wanna test that theory, and was glad I didn’t have to. “Your tongue is as sharp as ever, I see. You know, one earns more favours with friendship than fiendish behaviour.”
“A lesson I’m sure you’ve learned by now, yeah?”
Cicada Cunt scoffed. “You would do well to dull your tone, boy. I say, you do.”
“On whose authority, love?” I snorted, smirking at her.
She smiled back. “Hmm, it would have to be Celestia or Luna, wouldn’t it?”
Empath. She can read Ponies. Fuckin- Keep cool, mask on. I rolled my eyes and leaned into my own irritation and doubt to sell the facade, though she wasn’t bluffing. Something just ached when she didn’t balk, but I needed answers anyway. “We both know strong-arming the Diarchs takes more weight than you have and more allies than I do.”
“And would you stand before the World Court and every Council that has already demanded that you be deported?” My brow furrowed as a measured gesture. If Chrysalis sent the note, then she was being an extra crunchy case of crabs. Even if her heartbeat was… Odd, in her natural form… It still beat true. “Well? Kingslayer?”
I chuckled, lifting my brows. “The World Court would entrust that kind of message to…” I smiled and blinked slowly, getting what I could from the moment. “... They literally sent an insect to ‘deport me’ to a country I’ve never set foot in.”
Chryssy narrowed her eyes, but the cunt grinned right back at me and let her love for me echo through every word. “Yes, Maximus. You, my dearest maggot, are to be tried in Bridleland for the murder of King Adolf. Curious, wouldn’t you say? How the past tends to rear it’s ugliest moments at the worst of times?”
“So you spent how much to come and deliver this message yourself?”
“Every bit was worth it. Especially due to the fact that I get to escort you~”
I folded my arms. “‘Kay then. What’s the business?”
Twilight’s hoofsteps echoed from upstairs, coming closer with every moment. Chrysalis’ explanation probably wasn’t loud enough for her to hear, but it wasn’t that important. “You have as much time as I give you, though… I would definitely love a meal~”
I didn’t reply until I knew Twilight could hear, or at least was certain that she’d catch bits and pieces. “Chrysalis, what’s stopping me from just… Not going with you? Another count of murder, or…?”
Her smile weakened a bit, though the flurry of beats her heart thrummed through in a second made her composure impressive. “Would you be so bold?” I blinked and sniffed. It was a dumb question, to be honest. “... I’ll warn you against such a foolish endeavour, in any case. You would single-handedly do more to damage to Equestria’s reputation in one action than Prince Blueblood could ever have conceived.”
I let my brows bounce. “Then we’ll leave when I feel like it, yeah? Not too much point in sweating trouble that I’m already in, and… It’d be worth it, realistically. Like, a really nice consolation prize.”
Chrysalis didn’t address me when she answered. “Twilight Sparkle. Hello.”
The devious intentions behind Queen Bee’s smirk were clear, though again, there were doubts in my mind that she would dare to lash out at my lover, knowing who the fuck I am. Cherry likely felt the same way. “... Queen Chrysalis. What a pleasant surprise.”
Chryssy scoffed. “Pleasant. Yes. I suggest you pack a few things for Maximus. He shall not leave my sight prior to our departure.”
Twilight looked to me for confirmation. “Go on, Cherry. I’ll get some coffee started.”
Chrysalis behaved herself until Twilight was out of sight, though she wasn’t the one to teleport us. I assumed it was Celestia, given that she was usually the culprit. Luna was also present in the Sitting Room as the Bug Queen replied with, “I don’t drink coffee.”
My day was already shit, so I looked to Celestia for an explanation and got a tight-lipped grimace. She also didn’t offer me a drink, which I had back at my damn house. “Well, fuck.”
The glint in Celestia’s eyes struck me as odd. The sun was still on the rise, yes, but her eyes seemed to be catching the early rays to reflect a radiant gold. “Maximus…”
“Oi. Look, I-”
“There is no choice here, young man,” The stranger spoke. Their voice wasn’t Celestia’s, that was certain. However, when I glanced to see Luna’s reaction, her eyes caught my attention as well. Gold. Practically glowing. Chrysalis was much the same, though Celestia’s mouth carried the message onward. “No, I am to Celestia, but no, I am not a stranger. I’m rather offended that you’ve forgotten, Kaid.”
Well… I’m gonna take a swing here. “Good morning, God.”
“Good morning. How are you?”
“Wondering what’s up, for the most part. Rather anxious,” I answered, trying not to think about Bridleland, the compulsion, and the questions that had followed that particular choice.
“You’re pretty much right, in your defence. You should’ve followed your instincts instead of fighting me. What were you thinking, Max…?” God sighed, folding Celestia’s arms as They used her as a vessel. “... I swear, you have almost never fought your instinct.”
“... I didn’t really like that it felt like an unspoken mission-”
The smack didn’t even need a motion; I felt the whim and caught the impression of getting God-Smacked, nearly falling from the sheer irritation. “Well, now it’s a spoken mission. Chrysalis is taking you to Bridleland. Have you a retort?”
It was unwise to respond, so I shook my head, trying to catch my bearings.
“Good. Questions?”
Beyond the obvious? “... Um… What am I doing?”
Capital G shrugged through Celestia. “If you wanted a hint, you should’ve followed your instincts.”
“Yeah, okay-”
God nodded through Celestia as Chrysalis offered me a hand up. It was rude not to accept the gesture since everyone in the room could easily just be another aspect of Capital G. While I was grateful that I’d had a chance to change into proper clothes… It seemed as though the warning signs should have been fucking clearer! While I’d felt weird about leaving the trip to Bridleland in the dust, I just didn’t really think it was fair to I still didn’t even really get why I was being shipped off to Bridleland specifically. As the Bug Bitch teleported us across an ocean without me having so much as a chance to tell anyone where I was going…
Being dragged along hasn’t been new for a long time, though the scenery before myself and the brainwashed Queen was even more familiar. Bridleland, or at least the nameless patch of foresty-bits we were in, could’ve been a double for where the Old Church lay in Swindon. The parallels were getting odder, but stopping to think was impossible. My own feet wouldn’t listen to me, let alone my mouth. Questions fell to the wayside as Queen Chrysalis brought me to a worn-down barn, letting go before disappearing.
Control was mine again seconds later. I scanned the area and wondered if Job was fucking stoned out of his mind when Capital G swindled him out of damn-near all forms of his wordly gain, because I was salty as fuck just standing where I was. Even then… There was no telling how much I could lose if I didn’t follow the unclear messages. The note could be boiled down to reconnaissance or something, but Chrysalis’ mentioning of a ‘trial’ in the context of Capital G made it feel more like a deliberate test of faith.
Granted, I could probably leave again if I really wanted too… After all, I could Shadow-Dive my way back home and assume that I was just tripping my fucking balls off or something. I mean… God. Capital G comes along and tells me… It just wasn’t clear, at least the big picture wasn’t. The little shite, as far as I knew… Go into the cobblestone barn and see from there… I just couldn’t trust my senses. Believing the experience was… Asinine, yet a familiar compulsion drew me toward that barn… I hated it. Feeling… Trapped. Compelled. No choice…
I almost walked away, but I couldn’t. For fear of what might actually happen to my friends and family… Now that I actually had something to lose, the fact that I no longer had the option to cut and run came thundering down the lane. If my choices were limited, then I would forge a path from the muck all the same. Y’know, even if I was afraid of a barn and possibly just hallucinating everything anyway. Chrysalis herself had literally come to my doorstep, after all. Casting a spell wasn’t beyond her in the slightest.
That said, I took my chances and strolled on, slipping into the darkness of the old structure. If I had to guess, then there would be twice as much light in an underground bunker with no electricity than there was in the barn. I’d expected a little something to see by, though it didn’t matter long. A little Dark Fire lit the place up as echoes of chuckles and chortles echoed off of stone walls and high rafters.
It took time for the fire to shine on anything, practically fighting its way through the shadows until I could actually make something out. Honestly, if I’d eaten one of the worms from the Local Special, I would no longer be surprised on any level. The first piece of familiarity I saw was a cracked bit of a pew… Kinda reminded me exactly of the one I’d bashed my head into at fifteen, drunk off my arse. Bit by bit, my location was illuminated just enough to see by… Until the daylight spilled in and blinded me just as the last corners had been lit up.
I hissed and stumbled, blindly swinging my arm to catch a pew. If I was in my old holdout, then I didn’t wanna bust my arse and die on the first day back. Sadly, the pew I gripped practically disintegrated as I tried to get a solid hold on it. Adding insult to injury and resulting in inquiry, I cracked the holiness out of the floor when I hit it. Not only was my landing frankly deafening, but I’d also broken more in one motion than I had in consecutive years. I was a touch miffed.
Shaking it off, I checked my bones and felt ready enough for the Skeleton Wars to keep going, calcium included. The Floor, however, had a divot in the shape of my arse and that was actually kinda funny. Still, I had to test one more thing, so I tapped an unbroken part of the floor. Thank fuck I bothered to check my strength, because all it took to split the stone was a relatively light flick. If I was Nashoba-strong at the moment, then I kinda needed to nerf it before I left nothing behind in my wake.
Nashoba was the first thing on my mind due to the Seal I’d made for her, so I recreated it for myself, throwing it on my tricep because it was quick and would pass for a tattoo, with luck. I doubted that I had any for a moment as I heard footsteps a decent distance away. They were padded footfalls, though, fucking up my judgement. I’d gotten rather used to Ponies, but even then the heartbeat wasn’t as loud as any child or elder I’d met on Equus. I’d just barely gleaned the difference between dirt and stone with actual shoes on, ducking for cover.
Peeking at the entrance, the new fella’s shadow spilled in along with the daylight. If it looks like a rose and smells like one, then it might just be, so I took stock of where exactly I was before realizing that I still had magic. It didn’t really matter where my hidden weapons were if I could… Y’know… Do magic. However, the element of surprise is one of the most valuable resources, so I waited for whatever it was to show its face.
I wasn’t necessarily ruling out that I was back on Earth or at least some form of it. With the specific location of the mission and the apparent fact that I was in the Old Church, it wasn’t a bad bet. I just really wasn’t expecting to see the guy I stole my name from.
Maxwell slipped into the church, but the fucker was either rusty or had just been shite in the first place. It didn’t help that I still had super-hearing, but still. He set off two of my old tripwires before he’d even made it two metres in, so I just stood up before another alarm started driving me bonkers. “Oi.”
Fucker threw a knife at me so slowly, I was genuinely surprised it flew long enough to catch. “The- What the- fuckin’ Fuck! What the fuck-”
Maxwell had himself a little pratfall, which was a lot funnier than mine. It takes nerve to fuck with my head on this kinda level, so I examined the knife he’d thrown to see if they got the details right. After all, the hulking, ruddy-faced fuck before me with the buzz-cut was more ‘Maxwell’ than any vision I’d seen thus far. Clearer than any memory. It struck me as odd that Illusion-Cunt, whoever it was, had completely fucked Maxwell’s usual brand. He’d vaunted Cold Steel forever, but the one I’d caught wasn’t of ‘em.
I flipped the knife a few times. It had good weight and all, but a sloppy tosser tosses sloppily. “Not terrible, but you could’ve, y’know, tried to hit me. Might as well be playing pass with kitchen knives, yeah?”
The construct stared at me, unable or unwilling to reply.
“Yeah, so if I chuck this at you, can ye’ catch it? ‘Cause I’m in a bit of mood here, init? Be fair ‘n even, I’d call-”
“Kaid…?”
“Kaid Gadai, shank your eye. Yeah it’s me, so if you please,” I showed the thing a real toss, burying the blade in a bit of stonework nearby, “don’t throw shit at me if you can’t catch it.”
The construct stared after the blade. “... I am so fuckin’ high right now.”
“That’s what I’m thinking myself, bruv,” I sighed, settling on another pew. “Just another trip down the acid-hole, yeah?”
Oddly enough, the construct hadn’t attempted a second attack, nor had it taken its eyes off of the knife. It seemed interested in getting in back, so I watched it try and heard Maxwell’s groan. “Holy shit… K-Kaid…?”
He looked over his shoulder, pale as a damn ghost.
It was funnier than it had any right to be.
“Fuck you lookin’ at, ya cheeky Casper cunt?” I swung my hand toward him, getting a flinch and garnering my own annoyance. “Who’s dead here, bruv, you or me? I am seriously losing track at this point. Are you dead or not?”
He flung his hands at me. “You-”
… Hol’ up. “... Shit… Max?”
My brother nodded. “Yeah…”
I nodded and bit my lips. “... Oh.”
“... So am I goin’ to Hell, or…?”
“If I slap you, maybe?” I answered, not sure how mad I was, what the specific reason at the moment could rise above the others, and how many licks it would take to pop his fuckin’ skull open. “Like… You-”
“Fake, yeah,” Maxwell swallowed hard. “Cancer and all that, but benign. Was fine to go. Just had to dodge some shite… You?”
I scratched my temple. “Uh… Well, yeah, sorry about your knife- I- Yeah…”
“You got murdered so hard, you got a free grave,” Maxwell stated neutrally. “Identified by literally one singular fingerprint, bruv.”
“Mm. Damn.”
He nodded, trembling more than enough to see the veracity. “How the fuck did you fake that…? ‘Cause ain’t no one said ya could…”
“Uh… Well, I’m not a ghost-”
“You sound like Kaid Gadai.”
“Because-”
“Mate…” Maxwell chuckled, but it wasn’t out of humour. “I saw the tapes. You ain’t Kaid, and if ya are…”
I flipped him off. “Fuck you too, Pillsbury Pillock. Got plenty on my plate at the moment as is…”
He nodded. “… How’d you catch it and toss it in the wall?”
I’d missed the direction and barely registered the gesture. “Oh- Uh… Yeah, bruv, I’m strong-man now, init?”
“I don’t fuck with demons-”
“Shut the f-” I burst into laughter. “I ain’t a damn demon, bruv… Just… Not really…” I waved a finger in a circle, plopping my hand back down with some more chortles. “... How the fuck I got back here, I dunno. Life’s weird on my best days, man,” Maxwell nodded along, “and frankly, I blame magic, Equestria, Celestia, and God. So uh… Yeah. I guess I gotta… Start somewhere…”
“Ya fuggin’ think?” Maxwell snorted, approaching with caution to spare. At this point, I didn’t think I needed to be afraid.
My thoughts proved to be correct for once in the past twenty-four hours or so. If there was anything that I actually needed to fear, then I believed full and damn-well that it was the fact I’d met God a handful of hours ago. Whatever mission I’d skipped, I was sure as fuck tackling it now… Though it really wasn’t the most dominant matter on my mind at the moment. As I sat with my brother for the first time in… Damn, nearly four years by my reckoning…
I sat with Maxwell and tried to get through the events with Oscar that had gotten me pinched. Didn’t go into detail with Graham. Maxwell had seen it himself and, unlike a Goddamn Pony, didn’t address the shite at all. I loved him for it. Hell, I mean… We’d watched each other die. His death was fake, mine was real, but we’d...
Yeah, once I was sure it was him, we started a fire, dried venison, chopped wood with our bare hands, shot at some Nazis, and wrestled bears to work up a good eye-sweat.
After we were done sweating and had broken a boulder in half with little more than chest-hair and determination, we kicked back in the old alcove, and I had my first sip of liquor since the Zeal incident. Hell, we polished off the old bottle as we caught each other up on life after death, so to speak. Maxwell seemed about as certain of my existence as I was his, but… There had never been a vision so clear. Never before had I experienced magic that could truly emulate my brother’s laugh or his smile. His stupid jokes or the sharpness he spoke with when talking about Catholics.
I finished the last couple drops in my glass as my brother did the same, chuckling along as we ran out of small talk for the time being. “... Christ, mate… Life ain’t easy, is it?”
Maxwell barked out a laugh, leaning into the wall of the alcove. “Sure as fuck ain’t, mate. Sure as fuck…”
“Right… Ah, should probably let you know…” I chuckled and rubbed my neck. “I uh… Stole your name?”
“In Equestria?” He asked.
“Yeah. Changed it up a bit-”
“Look at you, Mr. Sentimental-”
“Get fucked, wanker,” I scoffed, having a giggle at the accuracy. “Hell, if I’m gonna wind up somewhere crazy as fuck, I might as well name-jack the craziest fucker I know, yeah?”
Maxwell got a laugh out of it too. “Not surprised, to be honest with you. It makes a lot of sense. Take a name that you’ll be listening for and all that. I should probably tell you now that I changed my own name.”
I snorted. “To what? Horace?”
My brother took the jibe in stride, grinning his arse off. “Not quite.”
“Then what did you do, dunder-cunt?”
“Will.”
“... I swear to God-”
“Yeah,” He shot me a shit-eating grin, “Will Treaty is the name~”
I kissed my teeth and tried not to laugh because of my disgust. “You know I hate you and everything you’ve ever stood for, right?”
“If you didn’t, I’d still think you were a fuckin’ demon, mate.”
I snorted. “Yeah… Not a demon, though.”
“Basically, though, Max,” Will Treaty intoned poignantly.
“Will, you shut up.”
“That was shit, bruv.”
“True, but I meant it.” He raised a blonde brow at me and I shrugged. “Kinda… Weird day, yeah?”
Honestly, there was hardly a way to understate the situation anymore than I just had, but we just chuckled it off. There wasn’t much else for it. “… Yeah. So what brings you back?”
I shrugged. “Dunno. Was kinda just enjoying my life and all that. Had a birthday party last night, got a letter, then got told to go places. Wound up in a barn that took me here. Other than that?” I lifted my hands and laughed. “I got no fuckin’ clue.”
“Same. Well, I mean,” He scoffed. “Came here to see what you left behind and all that. Been a couple years since you, y’know, died…”
“Oh. That’s pretty gay.”
“That’s offensive, bruv.” If he hadn't said it while being completely serious, I wouldn’t have given him such a sharp look. “It’s not cool these days, man. You’ll get called out. Someone might actually take a swing.”
“... Okay, and corn is a bad word.”
“No, the fuck are you on about?”
I shrugged. “Dunno, I guess I didn’t expect that gay-movement thing to get much steam-”
“Ah, nah, mate. I work with some gay chaps and they’re alright. Pretty cool.”
I glanced around. “Yeah, Will, that’s not weird. Gay people are people. People can be shit or cool. I don’t hate people just because of what they fuck as long as it’s consensual. Are you good, bruv?”
“I’m just- Well, I dunno, mate… It’s weird to be having this conversation, and with you on top of it all…”
“Eh, it be what it be. Think we can leave the church, or…?”
Will looked around. “... Why would we not?”
“Fuck you, I dunno. I’m hungry, in any case.”
“Don’t eat-”
“Shut the fuck up, you little fuckery cunt fuck,” I spat with considerably more venom than I’d meant. Will stared while I chilled out. “Okay, so a lot of people say that in Equestria, and they’re one-hundred percent being racist when they say it. It’s weird hearing it from… You.”
“... People think you’re gonna eat them in Equestria. Huh.” He nodded, totally not believing me.
“You totally don’t believe me, and I wish I was bullshitting you. I really wish I was just takin’ the piss with it. My own girlfriend has looked me in the eye, afraid that I was literally going to bite and tear off a piece of her flesh, and she’s not much shorter than me.”
“That’s not saying much,” Will pointed out casually, earning ‘Cunt of the Day’ in one fell swoop. “Still, it’s weird that people you… Like, live with, think you’re gonna eat them.”
“Racism.”
“... They aren’t people?”
“They’re called,” He’s gonna laugh, “Equestrians for a reason. They’re basically humanoid centaurs on two legs.”
Will accept the over-explanation readily. “So horse-people with hooves hard enough to crack your skull are afraid of you.”
“... This is gonna be a long talk, bruv.”
“Does that mean you’re officially ‘Max’ now, or…?”
“... Yes, Will, it does.”
“Fuck, I’m gonna be lost here in a bit.”
“Shuddit n’ leggit, got shite to get done today.”
Will snorted. “Bumpkin.”
“Scot.”
“Wotcher, dick’ead.”
“There we go!” I chuckled, drawing Will’s own heritage out as he rose with me. “By the way, is there still a decent place to nab a munch here? I ain’t got much stored up here, that is if ain’t no one got to it quite yet.”
He shrugged. “Unless you reset your shit recently, I’m the first to be in for a while.”
It was good news if I was back on Earth. A few hundred quid could be a good start. “Eh, might as well lead you through. Don’t want the whole country to know this place got shite in it.”
Will chuckled, but I wasn’t kidding. He really had gotten rusty over the years, though he’d fallen well into step by the time we got out of the place. Not that I was going to record my hidey-holes for any given sneak to come and steal. In any case, I had Will lead the way to a fuckin shop, first things first. I got a hooded jumper from a shopkeep I’d never met and continued my day on the low.
He filled me in on a few major events and some of the shite he’d accomplished while officially ‘dead’. Thieving was still on the list, but he was doing it as a cyber-thing rather than a burglar-type deal these days. It was smart to a point, but the digital realm had always been a bit too complicated for my tastes. Working with computers and scammers to funnel and launder money was lucrative and all, but the digital footprint takes a whole different kind of scrubbing.
App-developing as a cover was nice, but it just wasn’t a business I could see myself getting into. Still, I appreciated his offer to help me with a job and get some solid footing for… Whatever I was supposed to be doing, though that shite just wasn’t apparent. While settling in for a quick munch, I pressured him into telling me the gal in his life. He wasn’t surprised that I knew he had a woman and fessed up quickly. It was Beatrix, an old squeeze from back in the day who’d come around and cleaned his act up. For the most part.
I remembered her as a sombre, curt woman. That said, she was also the type that could actually rein Will in, which might be for the better. Either way, he asked about Twilight in turn and we… Kinda just caught up like the estranged brothers we were. He offered me a place at his flat near London, which didn’t strike me as a bad option. It wasn’t like I really had anywhere else to go, and I’d need I.D. for anything decent.
There wasn’t much option other than public transport, which wasn’t as cheap as I’d have liked. Still, we got to his flat and I couldn’t complain. They even had a spare room for me. However, I had to sit Will down over a glass of rum and as it had been on my mind too long to put it off, and he probably had an inkling while he poured. We toasted to a reunion and sipped appropriately, but the unasked inquiry hung heavy between us.
“... So who put a hit on you?” I finally asked.
Will cracked a grin. “... Slick.”
“Sagiano!?” I hissed. “The fuck- The fuck?”
“Did some code-work for him. Dumbass gave me the wrong model on a keypad and his boys got popped on that Doorhouse job back in ‘thirteen.”
“... You’re shitting me.”
Will shrugged. “Either he was gonna kill me or I had to duck. Not much of a choice if you were gonna live past it, Max. Everyone knew we were boys to the grave. You woulda fought and we woulda died. You know I made the move for us, even if it meant…” He pursed his lips and bounced his brow as he bobbed his head. “... Doesn’t mean much now, but I didn’t wanna kill you for being close to me.”
I waited until he could look me in the eye to say anything. “I get it, mate. It’d be hard not to… Even if we could take Slick, Sketchy Sam herself would sell our names in two fuckin’ seconds with the price Savage…” My heart skipped a beat and I glanced toward the window, though there was nothing to be alarmed about.
“You good?”
Call it an epiphany or eurekas, but I thought it was a bit more obvious for the time being. “Well… Slick’s still alive, yeah?”
“... Yeah, that’s why I’m still laying low,” He admitted hesitantly.
“... Eh, maybe I take care of that, maybe-”
“Oi,” He barked. “I didn’t fuckin’ fake my death just for you to go dick-deep into dying again, which you still ain’t fuckin’ said two words on, bruv.”
I glanced away and decided to be blunt. “The amount of times I’ve literally and actually fully died to death would make you shit britches quick. Graham was just the first of like, four or five times at this point. I’m basically immortal, mate.”
“... Demi-God cuntboy.”
“Basically.” I pointed at his couch, lifted it with my psychic tentacle-thing, then set it down. “I do a magic sometimes.”
Will stared at the couch, then sighed. “Bruv, just steal my soul and get it over with.”
“What?” I asked, genuinely confused.
“Demon, right?” The deadpan glare I shot his way was received with little impression. “Mate, you levitated my couch.”
“I can probably crush a brick with my bare hands too, Will. I’m not a demon, I’m just magic as fuck-”
“Ight, Mike.”
“What?”
“Magic Mike.”
“... Bruv, I don’t know what the fuck you’re on about, but I’m not a demon or demonic.”
“Ight, Magic Max. Feel free to strip away all semblance of truth.”
Is this how the Ponies feel when I make random references? The thought occurred to me, but fuck self-reflection when someone else makes me do it. “Yeah, alright.”
We stared at each other for like, five solid minutes, making vague gestures and monosyllabic sounds and statements. It was kinda pointless. I think he was actually waiting for me to drag his stupid arse to Hell or something, but thankfully his minder came around. Beatrix was every bit as pretty as she was when we’d last met, but she looked twice as salty even without laying eyes on me or will in the living room.
“Hey, Babe,” Will called nonchalantly. “We got a visitor. Old friend.”
“Who?”
“Technically?” I called, “It’s Max, but you know me by Kaid.”
Beatrix actually showed her face after a moment. She had a Coke. I wanted one for myself, but her first fucking thing was, “Hey, long time no see. Don’t touch my fuckin’ soda, my ice cream is off limits, and if you drink my wine, I eat your ears because you couldn’t fuckin’ use ‘em.”
I shot her a thumbs up. “No problem.”
She nodded. “... Kaid. I do kinda remember you. See you still drink like a fish. Third glass, or are you toning it down?”
Will went to laugh, but paused, glancing at me with his brows furrowed. I shrugged it off. “Yeah, I’ve been off the sauce for a long while. It’s not too bad, but I don’t drink like I used to. First glass, for the record.”
Bea grinned a bit. “That true, or are you full o’ shit as always?”
“Nah, he’s true as can be…” Will nodded toward me. “Didn’t have much in that bottle of bourbon anyway. How much have you drank today?”
“Damn. Kinda hurtful, but to be honest, I've drank more today than I have in about eight months, give or take.” Equus time taking its toll and all. Weird, haven't gagged once or anything. “Honestly, I quit for a while.”
Bea nodded slowly. “Huh. So how’s… Jesus-Life going for you?”
Will shot her a look. “You’re Catholic as fuck, Babe.”
She shrugged. “Didn’t deny it, though.”
“I’m not going Jesus-freak,” I chuckled, “it’s just not something I wanna get too deep into. Went home a little too drunk, didn’t like what happened. Quit drinking for a while. It goes as it goes.”
Will caught my flippancy as I’d expected and was as ready to shift the subject as I was. “We all have our walls, mate. Not being too bad an influence on you, am I?”
His girlfriend scoffed and again, I kinda took offence to that. “Right. And didn’t you just take a couple days off to-” She glanced at me. “Ah, you too then.”
Will didn’t respond to that. I had a hard time of it myself. “I don’t lie much these days, Bea. Not if I ain’t got a real good reason. You’re not gonna wanna hear the answers if you ask. I’m not being mysterious, it’s just… Complicated.”
Beatrix nodded, pursing her lips. “Faking it isn’t easy, mate, but I guess that makes you chaps just about square then, yeah?”
Will and I shared a look, but I couldn’t really apologize. “... Not quite, Babe, but…”
I waved it off. “Just glad to see you hale and hearty, Fuckwad the Florid.”
“Get bent, Waxlord,” He snorted.
“Whatever,” Bea sighed, “just don’t touch my Coke.”
I gave an affirmative, despite my intentions on getting some carbonated sugar-water before long. She joined me and Will, though we specifically avoided the fact that I hadn't bothered figuring out a good way to pass off being dead. It just wasn’t something I thought necessary to correct. However, there were questions with increasingly difficult answers and Will could only help me avoid direct answers for so long.
“Alright, Kaid,” Bea snapped after my latest half-hearted excuse, “cut the shite, bruv.”
“Bea…” Will couldn’t find the words to follow it up.
Beatrix looked at him, earning a grimace and shrug. “Oi, what do you wanna know?” I interjected. “No more bullshit. No more smoke and mirrors.”
She cast a droll glare my way. “Yeah, sure. Where ya been, Kaid?”
“Different planet. Literally,” I answered. Bea stared at me and I glanced away. “One sec, there’s easy ways to prove this-”
“How, bruv? You got some alien-” Bea’s sharp tone pitched into a squeak when I ignited my hand with ‘Dark Flame’, which I hate the name of. “Oh- Oh shit…”
“Wow,” Will remarked, nodding. “Not a demon. Totally not a demon.”
I turned off the light show. “Still not a damn demon, you wank-waffle. And yeah, I have a magical magic.”
Bea crossed her legs and folded her hands in her lap, staring at me. “But you’re not-”
“Fucking hell!” I groaned, trying not to laugh and kind of failing. “I am not, I repeat, am not a demon. I do magic. Magic isn’t demon stuff all the time.”
“Kinda seems like it,” Bea commented.
“Right?” Will agreed, being as helpful as usual.
“Damn, both of you suck,” I scoffed, brooding manfully.
Bea pursed her lips. “Right.”
Will shrugged. “It is what it is, mate.”
“Okay, but I’m not a demon-”
“But you did die, though-” My traitorous cnt of a brother pointed out.
“What?” Bea gasped.
I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Goddammit, man…”
“Wait, say that again…” Beatrix requested cautiously.
I glanced around. “... God-”
“Yeah, that.”
“... Okay? God. Jesus. Christ. Whatnot and bible and stuff…?”
Bea gestured toward me, looking at Will. “I don’t think demons could do that.”
“Throw some salt at the fucker, why don’t you?” He snorted. “Kaid is my brother, regardless… Just glad to have you back, mate.”
I laughed it off and cracked a few jokes about Hell to lighten the mood, getting Bea to chill out and sit back down. Thankfully, that opened up the possibility of actually going into detail about my life in Equestria, which was ridiculous to try and bring up without a little proof. Having shown them a bit of what I could do, I continued by denting a cast-iron pan with my thumb and levitating some random shite. It made my tales more credible by far, though Bea was frequently asking about gaining my abilities for herself.
She didn’t wanna try dying a couple times for some reason. Odd woman, Beatrix.
In any case, I actually got to sleep in a bed. On the downside, my hearing is still ridiculous and I would have to continually focus to dull it without proper plugs. I made do with what I had nearby as best I could, but fuck… Flats are horrific when you can hear someone’s heartbeat in a cornfield. Even then, I had to count my basket-bound blessings rather than bemoan those beyond my boundaries. I’d forgotten where I was when I realized that I was still openly wearing the Warbling Blade. However, its enchantments seemed to be holding up, making it undetectable.
I also happened to have a handful of coins on me, and knowing Equestria, they were pure precious metals. If nothing else, I could sell them for their weight in their respective materials. It sucked that I hadn't been able to bring a pack or anything, but still. A warm bed and a meeting with Max-Will… Nice. Nice to say the least.
However… Composite notebooks have a charm to them and I know what I need to do…
Slick’s gonna have a bad day soon. Right after a little chat.
✯☾Ω☽✯
I didn’t think that Noir would even be awake if she had crossed the gap between worlds, but when I sat down to meditate for a few minutes, she wasn’t very reserved about her concerns for my well-being. In fact, the second, I opened my eyes in the mindscape, I had to close them. “Bwach!”
Noir didn’t reply immediately, just giving me the good squish. I hugged her back and let her smother me because I didn’t technically need to breathe. She chuckled as I reminded myself of the fact, though she sniffed a bit before pulling away. “... You worry me, Maximus, and I shall eventually slap you senseless. A slap beyond all slaps…”
“Hi to you too, Blackberry,” I inhaled deeply, sighing softly with a grin. “Glad to see you~”
“And I you, Maximus… I feared that the entity holding me from contacting you would have mercy… I see that my pleas were heard.”
Noir’s tone was warm and steady, though the fact that she was holding onto my arms and showing so much affection in the first place scared me a bit. My own Mentor, the most indomitable force I’d met, had been terrified for who knew how long. “Sorry, Noir, I- I… I should’ve seen if I could come here sooner-”
“Be grateful that you can at all, my Pupil. I feared that…” Noir exhaled, her shoulders sagging as her grin grew… For lack of a better word, warmer. Her eyes crinkled just a bit, even if there wasn’t a hint of tooth in her smile. “Never mind. We have cast our doubts on that which came to pass. To worry over such matters was the endeavour of a fool to start with.”
… Oh, fuck you- She got hugged before I could finish the thought. “... You’re just plain evil, dammit. Fuckin’ evil.”
“... I would ask what in the blazes of Tartarus could convince you that my actions and feelings toward you and your safety-” She snorted because I snuggled her harder. “... Well, maybe being evil has perks.”
“I love you, Noir. Never change, unless it’s a different outfit or an opinion about punching someone.”
“I might punch you if I find myself in your clutches much longer,” My Mentor retorted drily, garnering a dirty look from me as I stepped back. “Perfect range, Maximus. I thank you.”
Noir pretended to cock one back, but pain is my least favourite allergy. “Oi!”
She snorted. “Chicken. In any case… It seems that you have business to attend to on Earth.”
I bobbed my head back and forth. “Might just do, I think. How do you think I should handle it?”
“Murder Alexander Graham and use the Dark Whisper to get away with it,” Noir stated rather than suggested. It came so matter-of-factly that I nodded at first. The look I gave her just made her shrug, “What? It is a solid course of action and as you may say, ‘Fuck that guy in particular’.”
It wasn’t that I hated the idea. “... It’s on the shelf. We’ll talk about it later, but what about Slick?”
Noir shrugged. “I could hardly care much less. If I cared at all, I would instruct that you murder him as well, but with less effort. Maybe more, if you feel so inclined.”
“... I love you, y’know that, right?”
She raised a brow, shuffling her wings. “Yes, I am aware. You tell me somewhat frequently.”
I held her hand and shot her a winsome grin. “And you like the way I cuddle up to ya, right?”
“... Admittedly, yes,” Blackberry answered hesitantly. “What are you implying, Maximus?”
“Just saying that I would never cross you intentionally, and if it’s a joke that goes too far, I’m sorry in advance.”
“Hush,” She snorted, rolling her eyes despite the playful grin on her lips. “In any case…”
Noir’s hands drifted over my shoulders for a few seconds as she held her silence. It was generally a familiar gesture, but the relief in her brow echoed in her eyes and the curvature of her lips as well. As attentive as I tend to be and knowing Blackberry like the back of my own hand, her stress was obvious. If she bothered to hide it, it would’ve been even more worrisome. The difference in our height meant that moving would put me out of the perfect distance we’d found over time. However, I needed to be closer to hug her, even if I wanted to say something too.
“I didn’t mean to worry you,” I mumbled, using mindscape-logic to make my words clearer.
Noir huffed out a chuckle or two. “I see little failure on your part… The hours away from Equus have been strange indeed, Maximus… And ‘Will’...”
I gave her a squeeze. “I know.”
She nodded, running a hand through my hair. “... I would ask, though I shall do as I please.”
Noir didn’t give me any hints beyond that, though it wasn’t long before I was in her arms, being snuggled to death and a half. Having just returned to Earth, I knew that there were worse ways to die. After all, I’d imagined most of the ones possible on this particular planet. We’d only spent a few minutes talking, however the most pertinent information had been shared already. It was likely why Noir had little to say on the matters at hand.
Little was said between until my time started waning, even with Noir extending the hours. Blackberry informed me of the time, leading with, “My apologies, but…” I rolled to look at her. “... I took the liberty of prolonging our meeting… A bit into the day…”
“I would’ve said ‘yes’ if you asked for a week, Equestrian time.”
“I know,” She answered simply, “but we are both aware that time is no luxury to spend frivolously at the moment…”
Blackberry didn’t need me to point out that she’d taken more on her own, but it’s not like I could have faulted her for it. Every second I spent in her arms, I felt a little better about what I might have to do to keep my brother safe. Felt better about potentially murdering dozens to save the life of one, if it came to that. If anyone understood the value I put toward the results that my means would necessitate… It was Noir. As such, parting with her was a bit of an undertaking. We had another hour or two if we wanted it, but Noir actually knew the real-time and it was close to noon. I’d slept in plenty.
It didn’t take me long to hate Earth again. Between the hours probably being literally faster and and the days being shorter on top of that, I actually really did wake up after noon for the first time in months. Fuckin’ piss off it was. I had to wait around for Will to get home from work as per his request, though he didn’t say he was me fuckin’ Dad. With Will’s lack of fatherhood and my irreverence for authority, on top of being a grown-ass man, I fucked off for a mo’. I needed new clothes before I stunk worse anyway. At least, worse than I already did. Not to say I was that bad, but… Super senses.
Knowing the South-London area let me get around to a few skeezy shops that I could muscle into pricing my gold and silver a little more generously. Without I.D. or any legal documents, I was a little scarce on resources until I remembered that I could do fucking magic. While I had a few hundred quid in my pockets, a dead man going back for bank-funds doesn’t look good. I had to get cash that was harder to track.
As it stood, I took the time to buy some clothes with what I already had on hand, and if I was planning on using magic to get more, then there wasn’t much of a reason to pay that much attention to price tags. As I checked out and had the clerk start ringing shite up, I realized that I was full of shite and back on Earth. Fuck paying what was due; If power equates to privilege, then I used my privilege to pay for three of the twelve things I got.
Fuck Earth.
After a pit-stop to a petrol station, I was dressed to impress and still had time to spare. Since I still had to sell some precious coins, I took them to a few of the less shady brokers who would normally offer a decent citizen good deals anyway. After convincing a guy or several that I was trustworthy, I actually didn’t have to do much haggling. My gold coins were about eighty-percent pure and my silver was damn-near fully pure. Between the purity and the weight of every coin I had, I still walked away with thousands and had coins to spare from there.
That business being all tidied up, I got to leg it back to Will’s flat, though I somehow picked up a tail. Granted, I wasn’t exactly trying to disguise myself, though I thought a scarf would honestly be plenty. My assumption was wrong, though my tail was shite anyway. They lost me two blocks after I noticed them, so it didn’t seem likely that they were hired. Maybe some random pluckers, but you never actually know.
With that in mind, I altered my route and made it ‘home’ around the same time as Bea, though she was kind of annoyed to see me slip out of their storage-closet thing. Still, she didn’t comment on the location as I’d expected, instead thanking me for not trying to break into the actual flat. Kind of an insult, but she knew who I was anyway.
I slipped in after the actual resident, as was polite. However, shortly after she kicked her shoes off and tossed her jacket on a chair, Beatrix went for a Coke and made a statement. “Oi, I ended up doing a little looking into you, Kaid…”
I’d just sat down on the couch, sipping on a Coke I’d bought for myself. “Yeah? What of it?”
Bea came back around and sat to my right, eyeing me. “You’re dead as shit. You’re so dead, it’s literally impossible that you’re sitting in my living room.” I shrugged. “Mate… Who the fuck are you, and where is Kaid Gadai?”
I spread my hands, pursing my lips. “Dunno what to tell you other than the truth, Bea. I am Kaid Gadai, as much as anyone that’s me could be… Me?”
“... Yeah, no, you were DNA matched. Full-court cleared. No payoffs anywhere, and I can find out where the bribes went. It’s not impossible…” Bea leaned in. “It’s your bits in the dirt, Kaid. That’s not up for question.”
“Never said it was. I died, Bea. I just don’t stay dead good.”
She stared at me because, admittedly, my situation doesn’t tend to happen on Earth. Evidently, she had actual, irrefutable proof of my death and that… It was just hard to work around. “... How?”
“Magic.”
“... Okay, but actually how?”
“Literally and without doubt; Magic. Literal, not-a-joke, not high-tech-you-can’t-brain-up, actual magic.”
“So you’re-”
“I swear to God, if you say I’m a demon, I’m gonna spill Coke on every white piece of fabric I can find in this fuckin’ household, Beatrix. Don’t do the thing.”
“I’ll fuckin’ geld you, cunt, if you so much as stand with that bottle.” She pointed a damning finger my way, continuing with, “... As far as all this shite goes… I don’t get it.”
“You’re thinking about it too much, which I say because magic doesn’t make any fuckin’ sense at all. It’s weird, Bea, but I can't tell you anymore than I know. Gotta say I really don’t know much about jack shite right now.”
She nodded. “And the new threads, yeah?”
“Bought ‘em. Clean cash, I promise ya.”
Bea nodded some more, sipping the carbonated sludge as I did the same. God, I fuckin’ love Coke. Anyway, I was enjoying my beverage when she shook her head and sighed. “Not too much point in grilling you then.”
She proceeded to grill me anyway, just not about my disappearance or reappearance, thankfully. It was mostly about life in Equestria and my love for Twilight, which I was all too happy to blather on about for the better part of the night. Bea started drinking by the time I’d really got going, so she was a little tipsy by the time Will came home. I was kind of concerned about what he’d think. After all, his old mate had shown up out of nowhere and was now talking to his woman while he wasn’t around.
Will did not give a single fuck and was evidently expecting his fiancé to need some booze to deal with me. He was nowhere near incorrect, I’ll say that much. Bea and I just didn’t really get on too well, and she… Well, frankly, she could be civil, but her inclination was clearly toward bitchy. Brother dearest joined Bea on the couch and the real talk started, despite the fact that I was ready to get moving.
“What’s the rush, bruv?” He asked, cuddling with Bea. “It’s not like you have a solid lead on anything, right?”
I glanced at the wall, then back at him. “... I mean, it’s not gonna be hard to pick one up and get right to him.”
“Bruv… That’s a bad idea-”
Bea scoffed. “Slick Sagiano, right? Yeah, no, Savage still has too much pull. Suicidal, Kaid. Not that it means much to you, apparently.”
“That’s both fair and accurate,” I acquiesced, “but I have to build off of it at the same time and say, if not me, then who?”
Will nodded, looking at me like I was crazy. “No.”
Beatrix snorted. “Either way, I ain’t got a say in this one.” She kissed Will and stood. “It’s bedtime, don’t wait up too long.”
“I’ll be there, babe.”
Will and I let her leave the room before saying anything else. I led off with, “I’m doing it.”
“I’m asking you not to, honestly.”
I shrugged. “People do that constantly, and that’s usually when my best work comes around.”
“You make bad decisions, Kaid. Full stop.” Will’s tone sharpened as he stared me down, though it was more infuriating than intimidating. “Seriously, mate… I’ve already seen you die once. I’m not tryin’ to hear about it a second time around.”
“Then we’ll sleep on it, yeah? Give it a mo’ and we’ll tackle the whole… ‘Me being back’ thing later, okay?” I offered, lying my arse off.
Will snorted. “Door doesn’t unlock unless you have code. Even then… Just try not to slip out, yeah?”
“I hear you bruv, I do…”
At that point, I think he knew I’d try my luck, though we talked regardless of the implications. I knew that there was shite he just wasn’t telling me, but my instincts told me that it was just going to be hard to leave and enter the flat conventionally. It didn’t really matter, so I finished my Coke and waited for Will to hit the hay before Shadow Diving out of his home. Yeah, it was kind of a shitty thing to do after agreeing to cool my heels, but also… Why the fuck would I wait?
Holding horses meant nothing to someone who cuddles beings strong enough to rip them in half, so I fucked off and started digging. The first place on my mind was one I’d been to a thousand times for the same reason. If the Rubber Dutchman wasn’t the place to start, then there wasn’t a point in trying. Especially if my favourite old (Human) woman wasn’t there anymore.
The trip back to town was a touch tricky, but as luck would have it, Marcus was still running the bar when I found my way there. Thankfully, the man still kept his nose out of most people’s business. Didn’t ask for a name or anything when I slipped him a couple quid for some random beer on tap. Even better was Sketchy Sammy and the fact that she was still sitting with a few phones going off as she did business. The woman had no real reason to keep it quiet anymore.
With her connections and the sheer amount of time she’d had in the business, Sammy was the go-to for finding work. I mean, if you could stay on her good side. Chances were that she already knew that I had kicked the bucket straight into Hell itself, so it wasn’t really worth trying to mask my identity. I could just whisper it all away.
I sat down across from her with my beer, lowing my glasses and leaving my hood up. “Evenin’ Sammy.”
She glanced up from the phone in her hand, knowing damn well that no one in their right mind would have bothered her. “Evenin’. Do I know you?”
“Forget me already, Sammy Gal?” I asked, smirking at her. “First job doesn’t mean shit to you anymore, eh?”
Sammy threw her glasses on, nodding. “Takin’ the piss, aren’t we, now?”
“Wish I was Sam. Good to see you.”
“Wish I could say the same. You ain’t that young man, and whatever you’re tryna pull-”
“Sheffield, Whitford job, and the pass to France. Stayed for five months. Came back and said baguettes were for queers, yeah?”
Sammy nodded a few more times. “... Fuck you, ya little bugger. It’s good to see you.”
I spread my hands and started working the actual magic, channelling it into my throat, “What’s the word, Sammy?”
The sentence wasn’t even finished when her eyes glazed over. Her answer was on topic, to be fair. “Well, with you specifically? It’s that you ain’t around.”
Nothing I didn’t already know. “And about someone like Slick?”
Her brow furrowed. “What business you got with someone like him? He don’t play kosher these days, kiddo. He’s no kind to faff about with.”
“I just need a location, love. The closer, the better.”
She offered the info without brokering for it. “Eh, head out to the Brick Mansion in Gollum. He runs it now. You know it well enough, should do.”
I nodded. It was a gift on a silver fuckn’ platter, honestly, and there was no point in turning the thing over to see a tag. “I appreciate it. You’ll just remember that we spoke and caught up. My death was faked and if you’re not Sammy,” I added, just for caution’s sake, “then you don’t even recall this conversation happening.”
Sammy shrugged, but we didn’t talk much longer after that. Don’t get me wrong, I was happy to see my old manager and all, it’s just that I had shite to do and easy ways to do it. Hell, I could’ve just stolen a car with Dark Magic, but I just paid someone for a ride after convincing them with the same shite. Abusing my power to do necessary shit just seemed kinda natural, even if I had been resistant to using it on people I actually knew. To a point, I felt like I was playing blackjack with the populace while being able to choose my own cards from my own deck as I pleased.
I mean, I had time to think while sitting in a stranger’s car as they drove me thirty minutes to my next location. It was as simple as watching for someone walking to their car, calling out to them, and asking about their schedule. The scenario itself would’ve made most laugh. Asking a stranger for a ride out of town that doesn’t benefit them… As I was about to go and see Slick, the implications of being able to use Dark Magic to control people kind of rang home to me. It planted a seed of thought that could eventually bear fruit. Whether sweet, bitter, or poison in either case was yet to be seen, but it was a passing thought.
My Chauffeur was happy to let me out of their car a block away from a place that was frankly notorious for trouble. I slipped them a hundred pound-note for the trouble and walked on myself, not really… Worried about anything. I’d already proven to be able to bend steel, so I couldn’t even say I was all that afraid of being shot or something of the sort. In essence, I was invincible and no one knew it yet.
With the state of my mind, I could’ve easily passed the place if it wasn’t a sore thumb in a shitty part of town. The exact locale isn’t necessary, especially since the only people reading this shouldn’t really have a reason to care. In any case, I marched up to the Brick Mansion like I owned the place. After all, I had a funny feeling that I could if it crossed my mind. I didn’t get to set foot in the place quite yet. A few well-meaning blokes and chavettes reached into some pockets on their persons as I strode to the door, a couple gents blocking my way when I was on the steps.
“Oi,” Left Bloke grunted.
Right Bloke followed up with, “You wanna get hurt, Twink?”
Ah… So I don’t have to hurt any of you, I don’t think. Hoping for the best, I did a little whispering. “You’re gonna lead me inside and to Slick Sagiano. No problems, no alarms.”
Magic really does make shite easy. Left Bloke understood without needing another order. “Yeah, no problems.”
The four or five people around me grouped up. It really was kind of shocking… Just how easily I went from no one, to dead man, to strolling through one of the Sagiano Strongholds with an armed escort of their own employees. A stranger day would be hard to find, even by my standards. As odd as the situation was, I couldn’t help but find a… A melancholy in it. I mean, the bashed up rooms of the Brick Mansion were basically filled to the brim with junkies and people in the midst of dying at different paces. Some more slowly than others, some a bit faster.
Granted, I’d known for years and years that people are going to kill themselves if given the chance. If not taught differently. For years, I’ve known that drugs and escapism might damn-well cause the downfall of the common man, but it was always one of those passing thoughts. The sun gives light, but who thinks about why? The issue with drugs across most settled land is somewhere between severe and shite, and that just didn’t sit well. The more I thought about the way Average Joe had to cope with their upbringing and society, the worse I felt about…
… I guess I felt terrible about being able to leave the rotten world and find healing somewhere else.
Thinking had been such an endeavour in the past. One that came with ease, but stayed with tumultuous results. My own aching mind consumed me again, and despite being busy with casually discouraging anyone from raising alarms or getting in my way, another plan was hatching in my head. We ascended slowly to give me a bit more time to… Hammer out what I wanted to say and how to get it done most efficiently. A couple of questions to a man who seemed to be more sober than most let me know that there was actually a PA system in the old building. Convenient for my ideas, to say the least.
Having been around the area and now with time to spare, I strode into Slick’s office with half his men either nearby or in the doorway. He himself was getting some slurp from a lady, bolting when I arrived. “The- The fuck!? Who the fuck- Do you know who I am!?”
Ah, yeah, I know. “Everyone stay calm.” It worked as it had all day. “Slick Sagiano. Do you have an active hit on anyone named Maxwell?”
He nodded, zipping his trousers while the… Lady, working his gherkin relaxed. “Yeah, one guy. Thief from a few years back. Botched like, three jobs. Fuck the idiot.”
“You will cancel the hit on Maxwell.”
Slick nodded. “Yeah, can do.”
I nodded and thought for a moment, but it wasn’t just a few seconds. The things that Slick ‘could do’ had a long number of items on the list, and with the power he had… Hell, I could do an awful lot, just off the bat. Even then, if I played my cards right and didn’t flash the fucking deck, I could essentially cinch any deal. Even without the Dark Whispers, I had a lot of options in the buffet before me, but unlike an actual buffet, trying my luck wasn’t easily fixed.
An order or two had me sitting in a comfy, genuine leather chair and munching on a Double Decker while sorting through my thoughts. Still am, even as I’m cooling my heels. Will doesn’t have a way to get in touch and I doubt if even he could track where I’d gone. Unless, y’know, he looked in the most obvious place. Still…
Maybe I still am rushing whatever’s going on here. Maybe I really am just going too damn fast, but… It feels like I’m here to stop the hit on Will. If that’s not it, then I don’t know what is. I really don’t. It’s just… As it stands…
I get that there was a course that I diverted from… But why…? Why am I back here? Right here, right now…? Will-
✯☾Ω☽✯
… Will just moved back from Ireland. Not even two full months… Slick remembered the hit.
Slick knows who ‘Will’ is… I asked, he told me. Kinda coincidental that my mate came to see my house and got marked on the same day. Awful weird that I just happened to show up and make it all kosher, too… Mans would’ve been pinched before the week was up… And that’s just too fuckin’ perfect, innit? That…
God-ly Coleman, the fuck are you doing…?