Rainbow Dash; the pony that never let any pony down, the pony known for her feats of pure awesome, the pony adored for her fearlessness and bravery, and the pony known as the newest yet fastest WonderBolt to date was jealous.
Yes, she was quite jealous in fact that she couldn't leave her home without feeling like she might explode.
Now, Rainbow Dash was quite rarely jealous of others, if anything she was the topic of envy for others, not the other way around. After all, what was there for somepony as privileged as Rainbow Dash to be jealous about?
Was it how she thought somepony else was trying to drive a wedge between her and her mare?
No, of course not, Applejack was both way too honest and way too devoted to letting that happen - she'd have kicked off any incoming intruders, any day.
Was it that she thought others looked far better than her?
Ha, no. She loved the way she looked, and she wasn't about to blow her fuses over something as irrelevant as her appearance.
Then, was it that Rainbow Dash thought she was getting beaten by some new recruit for the Wonderbolts?
As if. She was the fastest, and everypony knew it. If anypony, ever, could be faster than her it would her own offspring - if she ever gets one, that is.
No, it was not that she jealous of some new mare that might catch Applejack's attention, it was not that she cared for her appearance enough to care if she looked better or worse than somepony else, and it wasn't that she was jealous of somepony trying to outfly her and replace her in the 'Bolts. If none of those, what could somepony like her possibly be envious of?
Staring out her window, she saw the source of her envy, she saw just what made her home-ridden for the last week or so. She saw it, blatantly out her window, as though it were mocking her.
On the other side of that little window which was far above the ground, was a couple, two ponies walking side-by-side. One was a unicorn mare and the other a pegasus stallion. In fact, a stallion she knew quite well; Thunderlane. The mare was another story though, she didn't know them personally, but would she simply deny knowing the existence of said mare?
No. She had seen Thunder' with this mare multiple times over and had grown used to seeing their icky, gross, sappy, unwanted hugs and kisses and sweet-talk and all that yucky couple stuff she wished she could do with her mare.
...
Yes, it was true, unfortunately. Rainbow Dash; the highest flying pegasus in all of Equestria, the bravest pony was feeling uncharacteristically needy. Not needy for food, or flight, like she usually was, but for comfort, for hugs, kisses, snuggling, all that stuff she had told herself was "Way too uncool for Rainbow Dash!". She knew it was a massive reach to think Applejack might enjoy the same pleasures as her, and she herself didn't know why she enjoyed the idea of snuggling up with somepony in front of a fireplace, late at night, during the chillier days, just napping together, with no worries whatsoever...
Yeah, she didn't know why she found pleasure in any of that, but she did, and it made her furious to see others just boasting it around as though they had no dignity. She had kept telling herself that she was just way too cool for any of it, and had hoped her desire for that sensation would subside but did it?
No. Not at all.
If anything, it began growing, and growing, to the point where all she could think about was snuggling up with somepony, anypony, at that point. Even still, she deprived herself of the thought; a way to un-rainbow for her liking, she told herself. That be what she wanted or not, she wasn't going to let some silly emotions play with her mind.
But that thought never went away. The thought of cozily wrapping her hooves around Applejack's warm, toned, body and feeling the same being done to hers, and laying comfortably on the soft, green grass of Sweet Apple Acres, leaning against one of the most stable and sturdy trees they had to offer, with the sunset in the horizon and the freshly bucked apple trees in the background...
She slapped her cheek as hard as she could.
"No!" She spoke quite matter-a-factly, "Bad Dash! Don't think of that, it'll make this worse!" She scolded herself.
She wanted to go on a rant about how it'd destroy her reputation and how she just wouldn't be able to stand a rejection like that.
Though she had plans for that, they quickly evaporated at the notice of a little picture hung up on her wall. It was one of their first kisses. It was the one that revealed their new relationship to Rarity - who had, of course, take a picture of that "marvelous event!" - and the rest of the girls, along with her.
Dash had requested it get printed out and given to her and Applejack for whatever purpose. Dash knew quite well that Applejack had framed her picture and placed it on her bedside table.
Nopony knew what Rainbow wanted to do with it, probably stash it away to never see the light of day again, not be placed on one of the most prominent displays in her house. It was kept right in between her first ever Daring Do limited edition book - the one that took her to nearly sell one of her friends to acquire - and her first ever set of goggles received from the WonderBolts - as old and used as they were, they also brought this nostalgic feeling with them.
She smiled at the notice; it had been fun back then, and it always was. Her friends were so accepting of the two, nearly everypony in Ponyville was elated at the idea of a new couple trotting about. There were those ponies that scoffed in Applejack's direction, small fillies who didn't know much about love and how one chooses a partner. Comments would slide from one mouth to another ear, usually that of either Dash's or Applejack's. They'd say just how undeserving Applejack was of Dash. They thought somepony as awesome as Rainbow would have gone with somepony who could, to some degree, match her awesomeness.
Needless to say, they were brushed off and quickly forgotten. Those little fans of Dash's weren't the most pleasant ponies in Equestria, Applejack had once pointed out. She then added a quick, harmless jab to the end.
"Then again, their role model ain't either."
Now that had gotten Dash back on her game; a short race was held, privately, somewhere in the orchard, soon after. Things had wrapped up with a tie, Dash claiming - and knowing - she came first by an inch of a nose. Though they argued a little about the subject, their night had ended with a nice, passionate kiss to seal the fun experience.
Though the night had been perfect, she couldn't help but feel like an extra dose of closeness might have added to its perfection, just a little. Those thoughts were quickly forbidden in her mind, as per usual; her efforts went in vain.
Oh how she wanted that to be true, how she wanted to just snuggle up with Applejack, let herself melt away in the other mare's embrace, letting anything stressful wash away with it. Oh, how she wanted nothing more than for that to happen. The thought of her and Applejack cuddling, smiling a content, happy smile while holding each other in their grips...
Another slap was called forth.
"Don't think about it!" She scolded herself, yet again.
She sighed, what was going to stop these thoughts? Was it ever going to stop?
By the looks of things; no, was the most probable answer.
She groaned, all the more frustrated. She wanted burst into tears from anger, she wanted to claw her eyes and forget these horrible thoughts and unwelcome cravings. She collapsed to the floor, her hooves giving up on her. She curled herself up in a ball, trying her hardest to recreate that sensation she was craving. Try to recreate that warmth and security she had been lusting for.
She wrapped her hooves around herself and brought her head in between her two front limbs, try as she might, the sensation never appeared, all that did appear were more irritating imaginations of what she was trying to match.
She gave in, her limbs spread themselves across her cloud-made floor, and her head lay motionlessly staring up at the cloudy ceiling. She was surrounded by the flutiest, the most comfortable thing in Equestria, that it rivaled the softness and purity of Cotten itself, some would go as far as to say this was much better than Cotten. Even still, she didn't get what she wanted from the clouds both beneath her hooves and above her head.
She sat upright on the floor, her haunches keeping her from tumbling backward. She stared back at the picture on the shelf.
"What would you do, Aj?"
She asked the picture's Applejack. Of course, she received nothing less - nor more -than a cricket call. She sighed.
What would Applejack do in this situation? What would her honest marefriend do if thoughts of cuddling, of snuggling, of hugging, of being treated like she was safe and secure, all started overwhelming her mind? Would she do what Dash is doing and try making herself believe that she isn't having these thoughts and she doesn't have a craving for such a thing...?
No, of course not. The farmer was no liar, not to anypony around her and most definitely not to herself.
Then what would the earth pony do? Drink her thoughts away?
Nuh-uh. Knowing Applejack as well as she did, the last thing she'd imagine Applejack doing would be drinking, no way!
Snap at everyone? No, that's not it.
Let someone else know? Maybe, but she's got that stubborn pride of hers that acts a lot like Dash's own ego.
Nothing was satisfying Dash. All she wanted to do was get rid of this awful feeling, she didn't want to have to crave this, she didn't want to have to lust for what she did, it was awful for her. If she did, imagine all the ponies laughing at her. Imagine everypony that would mock her, ridicule her for being soft and petty, for being anything less than awesome. She'd imagine all of Ponyville dropping their jaws the second they realized just how pathetic their Rainbow Dash had turned out to be. She wanted to claw her own eyes out, tear herself apart, scream like no one would ever hear her, do something, anything, that might relieve her horrible feeling.
Just as a few tears trickled down her cheek, she heard a soft knock at her door. She quickly, and effortlessly, wiped the tears away, and got up from the floor. She brushed herself - not like it was necessary, she just had to assure herself - and trotted up to the door, not having it in her to fly.
The pony on the other side caught her by surprise. Her immediate reaction was to stare, dumbfounded at what she was seeing.
Before she stood the mare she had been questioning herself about, the mare that was so perfect and near angelic, that she just knew when Dash was in distress. The mare that just seemed to evaporate all the doubts Rainbow'd had about herself and her desires, just immediately.
The fact that the mare had gotten extra fancied up did help that factor. There was a cute, little ribbon tied around her hat, adding just the slightest bit of elegance to the already perfect mare. Her mane was perfectly brushed, seeming to have no knots in them as they usually did. Forgetting all the outer beauty, she noticed that the farmer had a sweet, near innocent, a smile stretched across her muzzle. It faltered now and again, but it was there.
"Come on now, be a nice hostess and let me in?" Applejack's soft smile was soon overtaken by a smirk, to which Rainbow happily returned and obliged. The door was swiftly let open and the earth pony trotted on in, as though she'd been there multiple times, though she'd never visited, not even once. She stared around the massive cloud mansion, taking in her new surroundings. She was quite unfamiliar with everything. The house, though a bit contrasted to the pegasus, was an eye-catcher, to say the least.
"Wow, RD, ya did all this stuff yourself?" She motioned toward the room, decorated with little rainbow waterfalls, small cloud sculptures of random objects, little paintings here and there, most of rainbows, waterfalls, clouds, and the sky. There was a trophy stand leaning against the wall, plenty of trophies were stored inside, never to be touched again. The cotton carpet on the floor went quite well with the cloudy floors, adding an even more softness.
"Yea, why?" Dash shrugged as though nothing were there. Applejack didn't say anything to that, merely stared back at the room, now finally having caught the picture in her range of sight.
"Ya kept that?" A smirk threatened to farm.
Dash was simply too tired to deny anything anymore; she nodded sincerely.
"What exactly called for this little makeover of yours and this long journey up here?"
"M-makeover?" Was the farmer's only reply, now turning her entire body toward the pegasus, completely in her attention now.
"Yea, you don't have ribbon in your hat and have a LOT of knots in your hair, on any other day, what made you fancy up for today? Something special?" Her attentiveness to her surroundings was something Applejack had never really understood about her partner. Dash could be as dense as a rock or as attentive as an eagle if she so wish to. And it seemed, she wished to be an eagle at the moment.
"Well yea, somethin' special a'right. I came to visit my mare's home for the first time since we got together, figured I should fancy myself up a bit for it, ay?"
Dash gave a halfhearted nod. She wasn't quite sure if she was pleased with the earth pony being here, or completely annoyed. On one hoof, she has her marefriend to talk to, on the other, she now had some visitor - who else she knew quite well and trusted with practically everything - to treat and host for.
Applejack became quiet, narrowing her eyes incredulously, staring right at Dash as though she were some unripened apple, needing inspection. Dash cocked an eyebrow.
"Now, I may not be as attentive as you are, sugar'..." her voice was softened this time, it sounded to be filled with care and compassion. She stepped a bit closer to the mare, now eyeing her as though she were a sick filly. "But..." she kept on her pace until she had to stop right in front of Dash, their gazes never broke the entire time. Applejack placed a caring hoof on Dash's cheek, both feeling the marks from earlier slaps and the soft, cyan fur.
The pegasus, meanwhile, didn't utter a word to break their awkward silence, she merely watched her marefriend, a little more frightened than she was by whatever prank Applejack liked playing during Nightmare Nigh - this time it sent a shiver down her spine. As the hoof was placed on her cheek, she couldn't help but rub her face against the other' hoof, feeling a semi-portion of the warmth she'd be lusting for.
"But.." she began, again, this time wanting to finish herself faster, "...I think I can tell when my fillyfriend ain't actin' herself, Dash..." the words came out slow, steady, and lovingly.
Dash wanted to pretend she was fine and that there was nothing to worry about. She wanted to tell this amazing mare to stop fretting over her and just forget she noticed anything. She wanted to fib, to make up a stupid, unbelievable series of lies - but because it was coming out Dash, it made sense -, she wanted to completely and outright lie to the one pony she loved above all others.
But... was that what she did?
No, it was not.
Instead, she burst out into tears, letting whatever she had in her, out, for this mare to see. She couldn't keep pretending, and she wanted comfort. No matter how many times she denied it to herself, no matter how many times she lied and told herself that she wasn't that type of pony, no matter how many times she tried convincing herself of a lie she couldn't keep making, the fact remained; she needed, no, craved comfort and warmth, there was changing that fact, ever.
Everything she had held back before in any other event, flooded out, from the jealously she'd been keeping inside her to the lack of comfort and security she felt in her embrace. She couldn't even feel safe in her own home or with herself. Every little thing she had been sealing up for all this time came crashing out as though it were a dam with a gush of water waiting to be let out. A bruise that had been cut but not open, now completely vulnerable and open.
Applejack hadn't expected the mare to burst out into tears like she did, but neither had she expected the house to be fully decorated the way it was nor did she think that she meant as much as the WonderBolts did for Dash. She quickly scooped the mare up in her embrace, holding her gently, as though she were holding a baby. The mare clung to the farmer, crying on her chest with no limit. Applejack stroked the back of her pegasus' head, trying to calm the mare as much as possible.
She caught a few snippets of what the cyan pony was mumbling.
"I-... huggin-... I've-... wanted... safe.... pleas-..." the words slipped out through sobs, each word cut off by at least one sob.
From the very few words she received as hints, she put two and two together quite quickly. A soft, loving smile caressed her warm, orange muzzle. She brought the cyan pegasus closer into her embrace, wrapping all her hooves around the mare, stroking her mane slowly.
Applejack knew just what was going through the poor pegasus' mind and had experienced it herself, so she knew just how to help.
"Rainbow.." she whispered lightly into the young pegasus' flattened ear, gaining a slight 'uh-huh' as a reply. The mare slowly tilted her head up to the emerald gaze she adored with no end, immediately noticing the smile on her face.
"You know somethin', I had been thinkin' the same way you are when... my ma and pa... past..." Dash quickly took note of the tint of sadness in the other mare's eyes, and wanted to get away and say something to help, but was not let go by the orange mare. "...I thought... I had no safety... security... y'know? I thought that hidin' everythin' and pretendin' they weren't there might help me out, but they never ended bein' any good."
The mare gazed down to meet the gaze of Rainbow Dash, the magenta eyes, were red from crying and yet showed curiosity and interest, one which Applejack appreciated, "But one day, I just couldn't take any of it, and I broke down in fron' o' Granny... and y'know what she told me?"
Rainbow Dash shook her head with a small whisper, "No."
"She told me that I'd always be safe and happy with my family. She told me that no matter what happens, I can go to the ponies in my family for a hug, or get hugged, or be protected, and I don't gotta be ashamed 'bout it."
Dash blinked. Now what the hay does that have to do with her? She cocked an eyebrow. Applejack giggled at the mare's slight confusion, gaining a small shaken smile from the pegasus, her laughs were just as adorable and as precious as she was.
"And now that you're 'part o' the Apple Family, y'all don't gotta be scared like that neither, sugar'." Applejack lightly bopped Rainbow on the nose. Dash blinked yet again, this time, it wasn't a look of confusion that struck her face, no, it was more a look of consideration and thought.
She- she was a part of a family, Applejack's family? Safe? Secure? Comforted? That all sounded like heaven to her right then and there. She'd been searching for that for years... denying the fact that she wanted, needed, or craved it.
She didn't reply right away, just hurried her face into Applejack's chest, hoping to not be seen, yet be hugged, which did end up happening.
Applejack smiled softly, wrapping a hoof around the pegasus, laying her head on the cyan pony's head.
"Thank you, Aj."