A small rabbit hopped to the edge of the abandoned highway. It barely stood there for a minute before it jumped to the side to avoid being squished by a speeding truck. If it could hear what the passengers were saying, it would have heard this.
“RIGHT SIDE OF THE ROAD!”
“Where did you learn how to drive!?!”
“LEFT! LEFTLEFTLEFTLEFTLEFTLEFT!!!”
“You almost hit that guy!”
“I don’t think Midnight Motorist is a substitute for a driving course!”
“WATCH OUT FOR THAT TREE!!!”
“Canna this heap o’junk go any faster!?!”
“POLE!!!”
“Stop.”
Tortured tires screeched to a halt, sending an animatronic rabbit flying over the cab.
“A bit of warning next time, would ya Freddy?” Bonnie asked, absently checking his guitar over for any damage.
“Why ye be a’haltin’, Cap’an?” Foxy asked, sticking his head out the window. “We be awastin’ moon-”
“There,” Freddy interrupted, pointing across the clearing they had parked beside. Standing at the edge of the trees was a splash of red and purple that were going deeper into the shadows. “That must be them.”
“Alright,” Chica said. “So now what?"
“First,” Freddy began, “we need a plan of attack.”
“Don’t ye be a’worryin’” Foxy growled, climbing onto the truck’s cab. “I got meself a foolproof plan o’ attack.”
The animatronic known as Twisted Freddy chuckled darkly as he listened to the wolf and rabbit argue. Despite the disagreements of his minions, the mission had gone well. The asset had been acquired, and even now was secured with the largest of his crew. The originals didn't know that it was missing, and even if they did, there was now way they could catch up with them.
Nothing was going to stop them n-
“ATTACK!”
Something bounced off Twisted Freddy’s head, knocking him into the dirt. A voice called out from behind them, “That was your plan!?!”
“Well, it be a'workin'!” a voice shot back as Twisted Freddy lifted his head out of the dirt. He noted, with cold amusement, that the older model of Foxy was crouched in front of him. His sensors also told him that the rest of the older models had come up behind his crew.
Twisted Freddy chuckled. “Oh, isn't this a treat?” he asked. “The obsolete batch think they can stand up to their betters.”
“Hey!” the chicken/duck/whatever it was supposed to be yelled. “Who're ya calling old!?!”
“You,” Twisted Freddy answered, his grin twisting even wider. “You are old, slow, fit for nothing more than the scrapheap. It would do you good to respect your betters. You are out of date.”
As if on cue, the clouds moved away from the moon, and the clearing was lit up upon him and his crew.
“Meet the new generation.”
Himself, Twisted Freddy, with open mouth on his chest.
Twisted Bonnie, split jaw slowly opening and closing.
The Twisted Wolf, tattered fur barely covering up exposed gears.
Twisted Foxy, with five hooks on his right hand.
And a scared whimpering coming from inside his chest.
Twisted Freddy laughed menacingly. “Get them, boys,” he ordered.
“Oh man, oh man, oh man,” Toy Freddy said as he cowered behind the truck. “They are really getting pummeled out there.” He started chewing at his non-existent nails. “I got to do something… but what?”
A noise brought his attention downward. At his feet was a felt rabbit with yellow fur and green eyes. “Oh, hello there-”
The rabbit screamed at him, revealing sharp teeth.
“AAAAAHHHH!!!” Toy Freddy screamed as the Plushtrap jumped upon his face. “GETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFF!!!”
“We're getting pummeled out here!” Bonnie cried, ducking underneath a fist.
They were, in fact. All four of the Twisted Animatronics were larger than the older models, and with what appeared to be stronger pistons and motors, along with many more sharp edges. Foxy was the only one who could match them for raw power, but he was holding back for fear of hurting Fluttershy.
“We have to get out of here!” Bonnie continued. “Fall back and regroup!”
“We can’t leave now!” Foxy cried, grappling with his larger copy. “First rule of the seas!”
“Never place your rear end on a pirate’s face?” asked Bonnie, parrying his double’s blows with his guitar.
“Not that one!” Foxy cried, thrusting his hook into his copy’s chest. “Nobody gets left behind!”
He pulled, causing the plate to come open. As soon as it was wide enough, Fluttershy slipped out and climbed onto Foxy’s head. As soon as she was out, Twisted Foxy tried to grab her, but the original Foxy’s foot shot up.
The eyes of the larger fox bulged, and he fell down, clutching between his legs.
“Errr…” Foxy said. “I meant to do that?”
The two Bonnies shared a look at each other. “Yeah, right,” the Twisted version said.
Then the regular Bonnie swung his guitar down on the double’s head.
The larger rabbit growled. “You’ll pay for that!” he snarled, clawed hands reaching for the smaller one.
But he only caught air. “Where did he go?”
“Heads up!” a voice came from behind him and Bonnie jumped out from behind and beaned him with the guitar again.
“Will you stop it!?!” Twisted Bonnie growled.
“Alright,” regular Bonnie replied. “Since you axed for it!”
With that, he slammed the guitar into the robot’s head, splitting it in half and releasing a cloud of black smoke.
“Get it?” Bonnie asked. “Because a guitar is also called an axe and-”
“Shut up, Bonnie!” several voices called out in unison.
The named rabbit shook his head. “Why did I feel like a spider for a minute?”
“RIP AND TEAR!!! RIP AND TEAR!!! RIP AND TEAR!!!”
“Yikes!” yelped Chica as the giant wolf swung a giant paw where she had been standing a moment ago, and not just because she had almost been crushed. She could feel the rage pouring off the animatronic animal, pent up and waiting for an outlet.
Still, she couldn't help but taunt it. “You're not getting me, big bad wolf!”
The wolf growled. “BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! SKULLS FOR HIS-”
“Hey ugly!” The chicken and the wolf turned to see who had shouted.
“Think fast!” cried Toy Freddy as he threw something into the open maw of the Twisted Wolf.
The large wolf immediately began gagging as his mouth was filled with a squirming Plushtrap. Said rabbit immediately began chewing, trying to eat his way out of the cylinder he had been shoved in. The wolf clawed at his throat until he stiffened with an electronic crackle. He fell over backwards, a tendril of smoke escaping from his mouth.
“Guess he bit off more than he could chew,” Toy Freddy said.
Chica looked at him. “Leave the bad jokes to Bonnie,” she said.
“Hey!” came a voice from the side.
Freddy hit the ground, something snapping upon impact. Growling, he pushed himself off the ground and glared at his opponent.
Twisted Freddy chuckled menacingly. “You do realize you and your fellows cannot win,” he said. “Me and mine are far more powerful than you will ever be.”
Freddy said nothing as he pushed his jaw back into place. “Maybe so,” he finally said. “But folks have said that I am far too stubborn to give up.”
The monstrous bear laughed again. “Foolish puppet. Do you even realize the extent of your crimes-”
Twisted Freddy’s voice cut off as his head was punched through by a pitch-black arm. The light in his electric-blue optics died, and he fell down, revealing a pitch-black bear with a bright red hat that had been standing behind him. The new bear nodded at Freddy, then looked at his closed fist, which was holding a purple card with the initials “AA” written on it. His fist tightened, and the chip held inside was crushed. Dropping the mangled remains, he faded away until there was nothing left.
Letting out his breath, Freddy looked around, seeing if any of his fam-friends needed any help. Fortunately, they had all finished up their individual fights and were gathered around Foxy and a rescued Fluttershy.
Walking up, he asked, “Everybody alright?” There was a general noise of affirmatives.
“I thought I heard something over here!” someone called, and a familiar human stepped out of the bushes. Jeremy blinked at the sight before him. “What are you guys doing here?”
“What we be a’doin’ here?” Foxy asked. “What ye be a’doin’ here!?!”
“I live here!”
“Oh. That a’be a good reason.”
“Seriously, what happened?” Jeremy repeated as a woman appeared out of the brush. “We heard someone shouting, there was a loud crash, and what on Earth happened to that truck?”
As one, the five animatronics turned to see Twisted Foxy driven headfirst straight through the hood. “Foxy!” three voices cried.
“Hey, the no-good imposter wouldn’t stay down!”
“But you could not have smashed our ride!” Bonnie said. “Now, how are we going to get back to the restaurant?”
“It’s five o’clock,” Toy Freddy said. “At our current walking speed, we would be unable to make it.”
Freddy turned to Jeremy. “I hate to be a bother,” he said, “but could we bum a ride?”
Jeremy thought for a moment before turning to the other human there. “Hey Rebecca, does your dad still have that truck?”
“Great, just great,” Fritz said, pacing around the party room. “First the new guy shoots the janitor, then some redneck with a truck full of his buddies runs me off the road, making me pop a tire. And when I get here, I find out the animatronics are missing! I’m so going to get chewed out over this-”
“Uh, excuse me?” Fritz turned around to see a man in a sport coat standing inside the door, with the missing animatronics behind him. “My name’s Jeremy, and I think I found something of yours.”
“What the hell happened to them?” Fritz asked, taking in the scratches and dings on the suits. “Did they get in a fight with a blender?”
Jeremy looked at him, then at the five animatronics behind him. “Something like that,” he said.
“What?”
“Ye don’t wanna know, mate,” Foxy said, trudging into the restaurant with something on his head. “Ye don’t wanna know.”
In a clearing a little way off the highway, a purple truck pulled in. the driver exited the vehicle and looked upon the destruction littering the clearing. Four metallic bodies laid on the ground, some of them smoking, and all of them leaking remnant. He nudged the wolf with his foot, revealing the stuffed rabbit that was slowly trying to chew its way out of the throat.
The man in purple frowned. Guess the old saying was true after all.
If you wanted something done right, you had to do it yourself.