Have you ever found yourself suddenly awakening from a dream, then unexpectedly returning to it despite being unable to even recall going back to sleep? This is what it was like for me, teetering on the threshold between life and death, the chimera's venom filling my veins with a burning, sharp pain like melted lead. As I faded in and out of consciousness, I caught glimpses of a long, white hallway and a series of bright, rectangular-shaped lights flashing overhead. It was unclear if I was being manually carried or wheeled in a cart; all I knew was that my stomach was in knots and I could still smell the lunch I'd thrown up earlier. I released a series of sharp, pained whimpers, my limbs flailing uncontrollably in little spastic kicks that hurt with every movement.
"Hold on, FenFenFen..."
Fluttershy was trotting alongside me, her voice full of barely-contained panic.
"Can we get some help over hereereere?!"
Discord?
Aside from the blurriness, my vision was impaired by my rapidly-swelling eyelids, the skin irritated by a burning itching feeling that I was frustratingly unable to scratch. I blacked out again, now finding myself lying on what I assumed to be some kind of stiff cot with something sharp being carefully inserted into my foreleg. Instinctively, I growled at the intrusion, though my swollen throat made it come out in a strained gargle. The familiar scent of elderberries and wildflowers filled my quivering nostrils and I immediately ceased as a hoof found its way to my scalp. Sniffling, Fluttershy-Mother-stroked my head in gentle sweeps, lightly sobbing as droplets of saltwater pattered my cheek.
"Shhh, it's alright, Fen. It's all going to be alrightrightright..."
I wanted to tell her how scared I was, that I didn't want to die and that I was sorry for everything. True, I had died before but that was when I was alone and bitter, my heart consumed by malice and vengeful fury. Now I had a home and beings who cared for and even loved me. It wasn't fair!
A persistent, high-pitched beeping stabbed at my eardrums and I wanted to completely obliterate the source of the torturous nuisance.
Something seized my chest, squeezing my rib cage until my rapidly-beating heart felt as though it was going to explode. I began to thrash around, swiping in random directions, hitting what I assumed to be a metal table and sending several unseen objects clattering to the floor. Somepony screamed in alarm and a warm blanket of tingly fuzziness secured itself around my limbs. I let loose a strangled cry from foam-splattered lips, the venom now boiling my insides and frying my flesh. Fluttershy clamped her forelegs around my neck in a bear-hug, half-sobbing words of encouragement.
"...seizing up, we're losing himhimhim..."
"...that antivenomvenomvenom?!"
I jumped as a cool sensation flooded the inside of my foreleg. Suddenly, I felt very tired.
"You're going to go to sleep nowowow," Fluttershy sniffled, kissing my temple. "Sleepeepeep."
"Mother..." I managed before my mouth locked up.
"Go to sleep, now..."
Happily, I obeyed.
Darkness became my only world. There was nothing, no light or warmth, just darkness. Flashes of white and a cacophony of voices unintelligibly echoing in the void interrupted the black realm. Sometimes, I went long stretches of time without feeling anything, then there'd be a poke or a jab followed by a lull of pain. Then the pain would recede and the darkness returned to spirit me away from everything.
Except for that damned beeping.
Sometimes, I could see Fluttershy pacing around me or stroking my fur, though I couldn't be sure if this was real or simply the result of wishful-thinking. A flash or two of white light, and I was either being looked over by a ring of masked pony faces or standing on a snow-covered mountainside, the wind rippling my fur as I peered into the gaping mouth of a large cave. A red-orange glow burned deep within the cavern and I could only linger indecisively at the entrance. Another white flash and I could see Dr. Fauna having a conversation with Fluttershy, one or more of her friends consoling her. I must've been really out of it because I could've sworn that Angel was seated nearby in a chair much too big for him, the rabbit staring blankly ahead in a wide-eyed daze, an untouched plate of carrots on the nearby table.
This became my world: long periods of darkness, followed by flashes of white and a parade of random images. Winona was seated at the foot of my bed, her forlorn face searching my own for any spark of awareness. Fluttershy wept into Discord's chest as he held her, his smug demeanor replaced with sorrow. Pinkie Pie was tying some balloons into place, her usually poofy mane now hanging limply over her face like a veil. The CMCs took turns watching me, their shifts consisting of idle chit-chat or giving me appreciative head-pats.
Darkness. White light. Images. Rinse and repeat.
"Face me, you overgrown mongrel!"
"That thing turned my boy into a freak! He should be taken outside and killed!"
"Go to sleep."
"No matter how slowly we walk, we will all arrive at our destination."
"Yer one tough li'l thing, ain't ya?"
"What'ssss the matter, o mighty wolf?"
"Come, brother. Let us end this."
"That's right, Fen. Welcome home."
My past erupted in a geyser of voices. Snippets of visions sailed through my mind on longships of memories both recent and ancient. Every unfortunate incident or joyous event, all came flooding back to me. Was I reminiscing about my life's choices or was I obsessing over my greatest regrets? There was still so much that I wanted to say and do, friendships to make and wrongs to right. It couldn't end like this, could it?
A sea of numberless stars greeted me when I opened my eyes. I blinked in confusion, first at the blue-black canopy and then at the limitless, empty expanse of grass fields. Lifting myself off my stomach, I slowly rose, finding that my legs were no longer paralyzed or trembling. The pain was, mercifully, also absent, leaving me free to think unimpeded without the distraction of mind-numbing agony. I sniffed the air, detecting nary a trace of any distinctive odors, and then listened, picking up on dead silence.
I hesitantly plodded across the field. No matter how far I walked, I never got any closer to anything like trees or a stream. Even the stars remained set in their course. I was unfamiliar with the pony concept of the afterlife but I didn't believe that I was there. For one thing, I was pretty sure that I was still alive and even if I had died, I wasn't a pony so why would I go to the realm for dead ponies? Wherever I was, I needed answers.
"Where am I? Am I dead?"
"No, you are not dead. Merely asleep."
A tall, dark blue mare was standing ramrod-straight, her mane a swirling vapor of tiny glittering stars. If her horn and wings weren't enough of a dead giveaway, the black crown atop her head certainly served as an indication of her position. If she was not the goddess of death and I wasn't dead, then what was she and, more importantly, where was I?
"Who are you?"
"Princess Luna, sister of Princess Celestia and co-ruler of Equestria."
The mare was cold and formal, yet strangely carried within her an almost matronly warmth.
"Yes, I've heard of you both. What is this place?"
"This is what is known as 'the Dreamscape,' or, put simply, the land of dreams."
Ah, so I was asleep. A part of me was relieved to know that my life hadn't yet been extinguished and yet another part of me was in terror at the prospect of being stuck here with the goddess of this realm.
"And you rule over this 'Dreamscape'?"
Princess Luna nodded. "I am the Princess of the Night and that entails that I raise the moon and craft the stars in the night sky. I also protect my subjects from their nighttime demons, to guard and counsel them from what plagues their subconscious minds." She then peered at me curiously. "It has taken me some time to enter your dreams, as your brainwaves are much different than those of any animal I have thus encountered."
"'Brainwaves'?"
"It is...difficult to explain. All I can tell you is that your mind is not the same as a pony's or even that of a regular wolf. Then again, you are far from regular, Fenrir Lokisson."
All at once, I was filled with an overwhelming sense of dread.
"You know who I am?"
"Indeed," Princess Luna confirmed. "After Twilight Sparkle's report on your examination, my sister tasked me with gathering information. To that end, I searched the dreams of your friends and associates until I came across the memories of Winona and Angel. What I found was quite revealing."
Well, it was over. Even if I survived, my life here was at an end.
"That sounds very...invasive."
Back-talking someone who commanded the dream-world was incredibly, astronomically stupid but I've already lived one life without apology and I was not about to start now by submitting to this stranger like a whipped dog. Princess Luna, however, was not offended and instead blindsided me with a tiny smile.
"Yes, I suppose it does. Be that as it may, I have sworn a sacred oath to protect my subjects from any and all threats. If that means invading their privacy, then so be it."
I cocked a brow. "So I take it you consider me a threat?"
The princess studied me for a minute. "I have not ruled the possibility out. You are an anomaly, a creature that has never existed in Equestria before and that uncertainty creates suspicion. I heard about what you did to that chimera and saw the pictures of its remains."
"It was threatening some friends of mine," I countered defensively. "And then attacked me. That was purely an act of self-defense."
"That is why we are having this conversation," Princess Luna replied. "The fact that you were willing to give your life for the Cutie Mark Crusaders shows that you are capable of great compassion and selflessness. Still, I would not be performing my duty if I was not thorough. Tell me, what are your intentions?"
Ah, so here we are. She wanted to know if I planned on destroying the world or taking the throne for myself. I'd be lying if I said neither option had never crossed my mind. Just as Hel is Death and Jörmungandr was Destruction, I am the embodiment of Hunger, not just in the sense of food but indulgence in all base desires. In this land, however, I had found something precious, something pure to hold onto and that overshadowed any ambitions of limitless power or world-wide devastation.
"I just want to live," I answered honestly. "I didn't come here by choice but I'm here to stay. Here, I actually matter; there are those who care whether I live or die. I got a choice, which was virtually nonexistent in my previous life. I want the basic freedom to be happy, just like any living being. I want a legacy more than one of fear and hatred, to not be shackled and left to rot alone for a thousand years."
I sighed and turned away, adding, "I wouldn't expect you to understand."
A moment passed before:
"I do, better than anyone else."
Princess Luna's tone was soft and quiet, so unlike the authoritative mare that'd been previously standing before me. Her expression was sympathetic, vulnerable even, her teal-colored eyes spinning a yarn of deep-seated pain, loss, shame, and regret. That gaze alone told me more about her than any conversation could.
"Yes...I think you do. What happens now?"
"I will inform my sister that you are not an active threat," Princess Luna slipped effortlessly back into her royal trappings. "However, I will advise her to keep you listed as an individual of interest and will continue to watch you until I am convinced that you pose no danger to our kingdom or subjects whatsoever."
"Does that mean I will have the pleasure of your company in future encounters?"
Princess Luna smirked. "Indeed you shall. Goodbye for now, Fenrir."
She faded into a cluster of miniature stars, winking out of existence as though she were never here.
"Show off," I grunted.
"I heard that," Princess Luna's disembodied voice informed me.
"Good."
I settled into the faux grass of the Dreamscape, a series of constellations forming in the canvas of Princess Luna's sky. How long I was stuck here or if I would ever wake up, I didn't know. All I knew was that I was alive and that meant there were opportunities, though I wasn't entirely sure what that entailed. I would definitely have to find a way to make it up to Fluttershy for scaring her like that and putting her through Hel. Was it even possible at this point to entrust her with the truth about me?
She saw me as her ersatz-son, a pup that had bravely allowed himself to get mauled in order to save some fillies. Oh, how I wanted to tell her who I really was and where I came from but that meant tarnishing that image she had of me. Did I have the right to break that trust? Fluttershy meant the world to me and I wanted to repay her kindness, but not at the cost of what we'd developed. I considered summoning Princess Luna back here for advice but swiftly rejected that idea, as she had better places to be and more worthy dreamers to aid.
Besides, I didn't know what exactly she would tell me or if she'd even want to help me at all. She said that she didn't consider me a threat but that didn't mean we were friends and I couldn't exactly trust the word of someone that didn't fully trust me either. I couldn't help but chuckle at the ridiculousness of the situation. My adoptive mother is a pegasus, a rabbit is the closest thing I have to a best friend, and now I have to contend with a pony sleep-goddess. Could my life get any stranger?
The short answer? Yes, oh yes, it can.