Even though I didn’t really like children, it was a nice while that we joked around. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon were more reserved than Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle were, but still went with them when the two suggested that they go crusading. I hung back however, having exhausted myself. I took my spot against the tree again and closed my eyes, taking a few minutes to breathe.
“Seems like you had a lot of fun, Asher,” Lofty said. “You completely wore yourself out.”
“It’s not normally what I consider fun,” I huffed, still catching my breath, “but it was nice. Laughing sometimes is a nice change of pace from dealing with dysphoria and arguing with princesses and their students.”
“Thank you, Lord,” I silently prayed, “for this moment. Thank you for giving me laughter even in a tough situation.”
“I don’t really like being tickled though, so don’t think about doing that to me,” I added.
“I’ll make a note of that,” Lofty smiled.
There was a long pause, one that made me frown in its length. I practically knew what they were going to say just by what they weren’t saying, and it made me sigh in disappointment. “I guess a couple of hours of happiness was all I was allowed to have,” I thought.
“You know what we’re going to tell you, right Asher?” the mare continued. “I can tell by the look on your face you do.”
“I do, but it’s not gonna make me change my stance. I’m not staying with her.”
“I know, but… I know we told you this before, but we’re not staying in Ponyville, Asher,” she told me, frowning sadly. “You do know that, right?”
I did know that, but somehow it completely slipped my mind. That meant that even if they wanted to keep me with them, I was going to be forced into doing what I didn’t want to do. Again.
“Lord, why?” I asked. “I thank you for all that you’ve given me, but why do I have to do this? I wish I knew why what that princess wants to happen has to happen…”
“And I assume I can’t go with you two wherever you’re going can I?” I asked, not waiting for an answer. “This is so depressing.” I laid down on my stomach and put my head in my hooves, wishing that something about my situation could be changed, and knowing that it probably wouldn’t be based on the way things were going.
I could hear one of the two open their mouth to speak, certainly about to ask why it was depressing, but luckily stopped themselves. I was glad they could see on their own now what I’d been telling them was wrong for over two weeks now. I really didn’t feel like explaining for the fiftieth time what my issue was.
“We’re sorry,” Holiday said simply, quietly. “If it means anything though, we’ll come to check on you and make sure that mare is treating you right.”
“And, of course, we’re gonna make sure she apologizes to you,” Lofty said, a bit of an aggressive tone in her voice. “There’s no way we’re gonna make you go with her if she’s just gonna treat you like dirt and not apologize, Princess Celestia be damned.”
That made me smile a bit. It made me happy that Lofty and Holiday were both on my side.
“Well, I guess we might as well get this out of the way right now, shouldn’t we?” I decided, getting up. “Better now than never, right?” The two only gave me gentle smiles at that, standing up to walk with me, promising the four fillies that we’d be back in a little while. We didn’t move fast though, strolling through Ponyville on our way to the library where Twilight Sparkle lived. I wasn’t really dreading talking to her like I thought I would be. I was mostly just completely done with everything. I just wanted this all to end so, so much.
“Lord,” I silently prayed, “I ask that you guide me and give me the strength to do what needs to be done and put up with the disrespect I’m certain to receive, since everyone here seems intent on acting like…”
Bad. That was a bad prayer. I shouldn’t have been praying with contempt like that, and I knew it. I couldn’t help it though, and when I started over, I came up with largely the same thing. I decided to put it on the shelf for now and wait to pray when I was less frustrated. I focused on my hooves as I scowled while I walked next to the two mares.
“What’s wrong, Asher?” Holiday asked. “Or is it just the same thing it has been? You look ready to explode.”
“Nothing. I’m just trying to lower my frustration,” I grumbled. “I feel like a twelve year old with how much I just want to scream at the top of my lungs.”
“You can scream if you need to,” Lofty told me. “Better now than when we see that mare. If you have to let it out, let it out.”
“I’m fine, but thanks. I’ll save my scream for a rainy day.”
“Oh? You’re saving screams now like cashier’s checks?” Holiday asked with a little smile.
“Exactly like that,” I smiled back, “although I didn’t know horses had cashier’s checks. I’ll have to keep that in mind when I open up a store here.”
We walked in silence the rest of the way there, the two mares standing next to me as I casually knocked on the door. I wanted to be doing anything else other than standing there waiting for her, knowing it was just going to be a huge mess. It was a good thing though that she didn’t immediately answer, because it gave me time to think of an appropriate prayer.
“Lord,” I silently started, “I ask that you allow forgiveness to fill my heart, and ask that you allow me to act in a way that’s pleasing to you. I ask that you let your will be your will, and that you help guide me through whatever your will for me is.”
The moment I finished, the mare answered the door, looking more tired than she was when I saw her earlier, like she’d just woken up. Her hair was messy and there were bags under her eyes, along with a look that said she wished she were still asleep.
“You know, you don’t need to knock,” she started. “It’s a public library.” Then she looked down and frowned at me. “Oh. Hi, Asher.”
“Hi,” I responded simply, wearing the same frown. There was a long pause as we stared at each other before I said, “I guess I’m supposed to be living with you, according to Princess Celestia.”
“Yes, you are,” she said, using the exact same annoyed tone as I did. “Except for some reason, you thought it’d be a better idea to not come with me and get me yelled at by the princess. And then right as I finally went to sleep after last night, you decided to wake me up again.”
“And all of that happened because you thought it was okay to be disrespectful,” I said simply, flatly. “So I guess we can say it’s both our faults.” Not that I believed that. I couldn’t imagine how in any way this would be my fault at all. I just wanted to make this whole thing go as smoothly as possible since I was being forced into yet another thing I didn’t want to do.
“I’m sorry, I guess,” she mumbled, clearly not so. “I won’t call you what you are since you’ll throw a fit if I do.”
“You know, that’s hardly an apology at all,” Lofty said, stepping up to her. “If anything, it sounds like your blaming Asher for something he didn’t do. If he’s going to be staying with you, you better do better than that, that’s for sure.”
“Ugh, fine! I’m sorry, okay?” she said, still sounding like she didn’t mean it. “I won’t do that anymore, okay? I’ll call you whatever you want me to.” She mumbled something I couldn’t hear under her breath, then looked at me expectantly. “Well?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Well what?” I asked, not sure what she wanted from me.
“Aren’t you going to apologize to me?”
“Um… what for?” I asked, legitimately not knowing what she was expecting. I wracked my brain for a moment to think of what I might have needed to apologize to her for, but came up with nothing.
“For waking me up and making Princess Celestia yell at me and talking to my teacher like she was some random pony off the street?”
I took a breath, doing what I could to not roll my eyes as I offered, “I’m sorry for waking you up.” As upset as the princess was with me, I wasn’t willing to admit that I was wrong for telling her off like that. I certainly wasn’t going to say that Twilight shouldn’t have been yelled at, no way.
“Whatever,” Twilight rolled her eyes and shook her head. “Just… you can let yourself inside and do whatever you want for right now. I need to get a little bit of rest before I deal with all of this.” With that, she trudged back inside and up the stairs, presumably to head back to sleep.
“This is going to be absolutely brutal,” I said. “I can tell that already.”
“Well… at least she apologized?” Holiday offered. “That’s something, even if it wasn’t the greatest.”
“That was hardly an apology,” Lofty said, and I had to agree with her. “She needs to do better than that. It’s not acceptable. I can’t see how Princess Celestia trusts her with a foal… even if that foal is an adult,” she quickly added, smiling sheepishly at me.
“Ugh… I guess it’s fine,” I decided. “I’ve dealt with rude customers before. I’ll deal with her, I guess.” Although with rude customers, the longest I’d spent with them was ten minutes, which was almost certainly going to be different than this would be. Not to mention, they weren’t openly antagonistic like this pony was. It helped that most of them had a defined problem I could fix for them, rather than just straight up disliking me. It made it difficult.
“Lord, please grace my heart with forgiveness,” I asked. “Take this anger and contempt I have away from me.”
“It’s not fine, Asher,” Lofty said. “She shouldn’t be treating you like that. We should be trying to appeal this with Princess Celestia. I’ll buy a train ticket to Canterlot right now if she keeps that nonsense up.”
“And what’s seeing her again going to do, other than make her more angry with me? She was just here. Talking to her again isn’t going to make her mind change.”
“She’ll change her mind if we all three go there,” Lofty suggested. “If we all three go, she can’t possibly ignore us. I just hate seeing you so upset.”
That sounded like a good plan, one that I wanted to put into action. However, I knew I had to start thinking of the long game. The more I pressed and pushed against these two, Twilight and Celestia, the worse I knew they were going to treat me, because obviously it was my fault that I showed up here. I hated the idea of giving into both of them, but I had to pick and choose which battles to fight, even if it seemed like I was losing them all. As annoying as it was, I had to play the long game, even if I didn’t know what that really meant.
“It’s fine. I can already see how it’s going to go if that happens. She’s gonna blame me for turning you against her, or something like that. I don't want her getting upset with you like she already is with me. I’ll be fine even if this whole thing is completely… mmm, stupid.” I had to avoid cursing as I said it, I felt so frustrated.
“Let’s just go get my stuff so I can set it in here and get back to hanging out with Scootaloo and them,” I said before I glanced up at my mane, and idea coming to me. “Do you think there are any barbers around here who will do my hair, too?” I asked. "I wanna get this mop cut off if I can."