Pommel Granite leapt out of the way as Discord slammed his talons into the ground, tearing another fabric of reality apart as his insane guffaws rang across the shattered worlds. She couldn’t help but tremble as she was sucked through yet another portal. Pommel was just a simple rock farmer from Rockville, only armed with her trusty mallet and a sliver of hope. What was she supposed to do against the mighty lord of chaos? She had lost almost everything a thousand times as they tumbled through the multiverse.
“Time’s a-ticking, Pommy,” Discord taunted as he pulled a frying pan from nowhere. "You might want to make it quick before I flambé you!"
She took in her surroundings quickly, noticing she was now wearing a chef’s hat and apron. A cooking game? There was a timer on the wall revealing she only had twenty seconds to finish whatever she was supposed to be making! Scrambling to her senses, she quickly grabbed the lid of a nearby oven and found a finished cake base inside. Pulling the tray out, she ran over to a nearby refrigerator and found icing and fruit. She’d have to act fast if she was going to make something good enough for the judges.
Ten seconds…
With impossible speed, she whipped out scoop after scoop of creamy icing, spreading it evenly across the surface of the cake.
Five seconds…
She rapid-fire placed fruit down, mashing them into appealing positions around the perimeter of the cake before topping the center with a carved bouquet of colorful fruit.
“Time’s up!” Discord sang with a trill as he pulled the frying pan back for a killing blow.
“Done!” Pommel yelled at the same time, halting the draconequus’ deadly frying pan in its place. Three food critics appeared out of nowhere and quickly filed in front of the cake. After checking its presentation and sampling its flavor, they graded her performance: a perfect five stars!
Discord grunted bitterly as he slammed his claw down to rip open reality once more. “Fine, Pommy! Here we go aga—” Before he could finish, Pommel grabbed the dessert by the base and threw it into Discord’s face, stunning him briefly and leaving him open for another assault. She charged her hammer for as long as possible and then swung with all her might at her foe's cake-covered head.
Discord groaned as fire and explosions rang out once more. Knowing the pattern, the mare slid into the fiend’s half-opened portal, popping back into the shattered remnants of Equestria once more, and tumbled into a chamber where the final Element of Harmony rested on a pedestal. She dove for the magical orb, collecting it, and putting it in her hammer space.
Just then, a talon and lion paw pushed between the masonry of the room, ripping the walls apart to reveal Discord in the center of his chaotic realm, hovering smugly at full power. “Okay, you’ve had your fun, Pommy, but mine is just beginning! The world is my oyster and the universe is my clam chowder, so what makes you think I’ll let you spoil it? Now, be a good girl and give it up, and I just might let you off with a warning.”
Pommel Granite tried to catch her breath as she considered the option. The burgundy mare brushed some of her curly blonde mane out of her face to look at the prompt before her. She was so, so close to finishing this. She had fought Discord in a dogfight in space, a dance contest, a children’s card game, and so many other chaotic amusements and events that tested the limits of her skills. Now that she had reached the end, she had no idea how to wield the Elements of Harmony. She wasn’t a princess, all of her friends had been swept away into chaos, and she was completely alone in a world that no longer made any sense.
Wait… that was it! The world no longer made any sense!
Ignoring the two choices offered in front of her, she crawled under the selection prompt, taking care not to bump into either choice, and drew her mallet. Charging every ounce of earthen magic she had into her weapon, she leapt high into the air and charged a downward strike as Discord gaped in horror. With precious thoughts of her friends, her family, and the world she left behind filling her mind, the Elements sparked to life and swirled around her in a prism of light and rainbow magic. With the harmonious magic of an entire planet behind her, Pommel screamed one command with righteous fury as her final blow found its mark.
“ORDER!”
The game screen flashed a blinding white. Button Mash squinted as his sleep-deprived eyes tried to regain his focus.
“Is… is it over?” he asked, keeping his hooves on his Dreamcube controller. He’d been fooled before by the game’s true final boss on the highest difficulty, and he wasn’t about to lose his most promising run now.
The speakers screeched as a pixelated Discord roared and convulsed from the elemental hammer smash to his head. He writhed as he struggled to stop himself from turning to stone, but soon he was petrified from his head to his tail.
CRASH!
A bolt of lighting cracked the chaotic screen.
BOOM! BASH! KA-CRASH!
More bolts boomed about Pommel Granite and the Discord Statue as the screen started to shake violently. The earth pony screamed as she and the statue fell away into the swirling chaos around them. Button Mash chewed his lips, ready for whatever was coming next as the screen faded to white. Was it going to be a super-secret boss? A cheap quick-time event? Maybe the true ending?
With bated breath, the screen slowly faded back in, revealing a deep, aurora-filled realm with a path made of silver starlight. Button Mash waited a moment, but nothing happened.
“Oh. Oh thank Celestia. It’s safe…” Button sighed in relief as he looked over at the clock. 4:38 AM. Even though Chaotic Discord didn’t kill him, his mom would if she found out he had stayed up past his bedtime playing video games again. He didn’t want to be grounded, but Princess Pommel Granite: Origins was worth the risk. It was just too good to put down.
The young colt blinked slowly as exhaustion finally overpowered his nerves. His deathless attempt at Ultra Nightmare difficulty had pushed him to his absolute limits, especially with the threat of permadeath constantly looming over his head. The dreamweavers of the game had somehow woven every type of game he’d ever thought existed into the special final fight, bouncing between the platformer fighting he was used to and a slew of random snippets of other types of games he had to be ready for at a moment’s notice. Racing, shoot-em-up, dating simulation, and everything in between had been thrown into the mix. He had been down to his last heart during the previous three minigames and had barely finished the cooking game before Discord could attack. The adrenaline was fading fast, leaving only an irresistible siren’s song of sleep.
He looked at the screen again. Usually, beating Discord put Pommel Granite into the restored gardens of the royal castle in Canterlot as a fully-formed alicorn to speak to Princess Celestia, but this scene was brand new to him. Nothing had come to kill him, so it looked like he was safe. He wished he could pause or save his progress, but Ultra Nightmare didn’t let you do either, unlike the other game modes. You weren’t supposed to sleep with a Dreamcube on since it relied on dream magic to work, but he was too tired to care.
“I’ll finish it before school tomorrow,” Button groggily whispered to himself as he pushed the controller away from him. Before his foreleg was fully extended, the sleepy colt was out like a light.
As he collapsed into his warm bed, his controller fell to the floor and pressed the joystick to the right. The last thing he heard as he drifted off into his own dreamland was somepony telling him he had done well. He couldn’t have agreed more.
Princess Celestia quickly strode through the streets of Ponyville with dire purpose. For her, the hour was early, having just raised the morning sun into the sky, the colors washing across it in the same pastels as her brilliant, sun-kissed mane. Unfortunately, it meant the complete opposite for her beloved, nocturnal sister, Princess Luna, whose mystical nebulous mane somehow suffered bedhead with awkward strands of starlight sticking out of the endless, starlit expanse.
She watched her sister with a grimace as she chugged another cup of coffee, burning away the poor paper cup with her magic when she had finished in her desperate bid to wake up. The elder alicorn felt a twinge of pity for her sister, who had been spending her more recent nights protecting their little ponies’ dreams. Luna had just fallen asleep after a long night when an emergency message from Twilight had arrived in Celestia’s alabaster hooves, summoning both sisters to her former student’s little slice of the kingdom. The note was short, with one simple line:
There’s another princess in Ponyville!
“Sister, can you tell me why it is that alicorns seem to be popping up like popcorn as of late? First Cadance, then your student, Cadance’s child after her, and now a fourth you don’t even recall meeting! We ascended to alicorn-hood to meet the desperate need of the cosmos after our world became tidally locked, but now the bar is so low that there is a new princess every few months? We are running out of territory to bequeath, Tia!”
“I’m sorry, Lulu. I honestly couldn’t tell you. Perhaps a darkness greater than any foe we have ever encountered stirs beyond our sight. Harmony itself may be crying out for help!”
“Well, something is certainly crying,” Luna remarked as they drew closer to the home the new alicorn had been discovered in. A shrill sobbing voice could be heard from the second floor as Celestia knocked on the door.
“Oh thank… well, you two for getting here so fast!” a unicorn exclaimed as she opened the door.
“You! You are the one who switched our cutie marks!” Luna yelled at the familiar purple and mint green student of Twilight Sparkle.
“Yes, Starlight Glimmer. Again, sorry about putting you through that.”
“It’s quite alright, my little pony. It brought the two of us closer together and helped us understand each other better, isn’t that right, sister?” Celestia remarked as she pulled her sister into a calming wing hug.
“Yes… but that was before I realized how much damage you did to the dreamscape.” The midnight mare lightly bumped her larger sister off her shoulders and rolled her bloodshot eyes.
“To be fair, Day Court took a while to salvage as well after our little talent swapping.”
Luna grumbled lowly, but said nothing as she trotted inside the comfy home. Celestia followed closely behind and took a moment to look around. It was a quaint, little cottage with two floors and just enough room to raise a small family. The wails were coming from upstairs as was the sound of two ponies arguing behind a closed door. Venturing forth, Luna pressed forward and thrust it open, revealing the absolute chaotic scene before them.
Twilight Sparkle was trying her best to calm down an enraged earth pony. Despite her nurturing baby bottle and heart cutie mark, the cream-coated mare looked anything but loving as she yelled at the Princess of Friendship.
“Oh my, what is going on here?” Celestia asked as she ducked into what appeared to be a child's room.
Looking around, the walls were covered with printed posters and childish drawings of various heroic characters and settings. Outside of the various devices and toys strewn about the floor, nothing appeared out of the ordinary for a colt’s bedroom, at least as long as she ignored the bed in the corner occupied by the mysterious alicorn.
The chestnut pony in question was strewn over the bed. She mourned into her flowing, curly copper red mane as if she had witnessed a terrible tragedy, with the somberness only undermined by a perpetually spinning propeller cap on her head. She appeared to be about as large as Cadance, taking up most of the foal-sized bed she was curled up on. Wondering what this alicorn could be a princess of, she looked down at the mare’s cutie mark to see one of those magical game input devices Luna had in her room along with a unicorn horn, pegasus wings, and a pair of dice.
“Celestia, Luna! Thank goodness you two are here,” Twilight sighed in relief.
“Change my boy back, now!” the mother roared, as she grabbed Celestia by the breastplate, her baby blue eyes burning with hotly parental concern. The solar princess wasn’t sure if she should be impressed or frightened by the mare’s audacity. She couldn’t remember the last time somepony hadn’t bowed to her upon entering, and even longer still since a pony had laid a hoof on her.
“Boy?” Celestia looked over to the large female pony on the bed and back at his/her mother.
“Cream Heart, please! Calm down! They’re here to help,” Twilight begged as she tried to pull Cream off.
“Indeed we are, my little pony,” Luna assured as she trotted to Cream’s side. “Now, if you would care to release my sister and kindly tell us what is going on, I would like to bring a swift conclusion to this so I may return to bed.”
“That’s what we’ve been trying to figure out, your highnesses,” Starlight added as she squeezed into the quickly crowding room from behind the two sisters. “According to Cream Heart, Button Mash just woke up like that.”
“Woke up…? She became an alicorn in her sleep?” Luna asked with rising incredulity.
“Well, ‘he’ did,” Twilight corrected sheepishly. “Button Mash is—was a colt without a cutie mark before whatever happened, well, happened.”
Celestia furrowed her brow as she approached the newly ascended alicorn princess and lifted her… his… their head with her hoof and looked into their amber eyes. The poor dear looked exhausted. It reminded her of when Cadance first ascended. Even though the former pegasus had more than earned her place, she had so many questions. This new princess was probably just as confused as everypony else was in the room.
“It’s going to be okay, Button Mash.”
The former colt shook their head in resignation. “N-no it won’t,” they said, Button’s voice sounding paradoxically melodious and nasally at the same time. “It will never be okay!”
“Oh, you poor thing! You must be so confused.” Celestia reached her hooves around the alicorn and pulled them into a hug.
“I don’t know how it happened. I thought it would be safe, but now…”
“Shh. Just let it out.” Celestia stroked the back of Button’s neck.
“Now I’ll never know the t-true ending!” they screamed in agony and wept with renewed vigor.
Celestia stopped stroking and pushed the alicorn back. “Know the true what now?”
“I destroyed Darkside N-Nightmare Moon and Chaotic Discord, and-and I set the controller down and I…”
“You what?” Luna yelled, her voice nearly cracking into the Royal Canterlot Voice.
“Luna, please!” Celestia chided her sister from the sudden change in her demeanor. She looked back to Button trying to find the words to calm her down. “Don’t worry, little one. It was probably all a nightmare.”
“N-no. It was on Ultra Nightmare—”
“LIES!” Luna shouted in the full power of the Voice as she shoved her sister out of the way. Celestia collapsed in a feathery heap to the floor before Starlight or Twilight could catch her. She knew Luna could be cranky when only running on fumes and caffeine, but this was even a bit much for her. “There is no way you defeated them—”
“Exactly,” Celestia quickly agreed as she started to stand up with the help of Twilight. Those two threats had long-since passed and there was no way Button could’ve defeated them—
“—before me!” Luna finished her interrupted thought, snorting with disapproval.
Celestia blinked and turned to her sister who was fuming with rage. “Pardon?”
“How did you get past Nightmare Castle Part III without dying to the Shadowbolts’ Moonbooms?” Luna demanded as Button recoiled from the princess’ question.
“I-I took damage and used invulnerability frames to dodge the shockwave. You get a full heal after beating each one, so if you take a hit on the third loop before they launch at you, it lasts just long enough to not kill you. You just need to beat them before they can do it again. It does make Darkside Nightmare Moon—”
“Silence!” Luna quickly interjected while shoving her hoof into Button’s mouth. “You shall not spoil the fight against my darker self! I wish to destroy her personally.”
Celestia stared on in confusion as the two alicorns spoke in a language she didn’t understand. She cast a worrying glance at Twilight, who shook her head in reply, being just as lost in the conversation. Looking back towards the bed, at least it seemed that Button was calming down, even though Luna seemed on the edge of snapping.
“How did you beat the final boss without dying? A direct attack from Chaotic Discord supposedly ends your life in a single strike!”
“Really? I didn’t know that. I almost died to Nightmare Moon every time, so I just thought he hit hard.”
“Y-you beat her deathless multiple tim—” Luna bit her tongue to stop her frustrated tirade and coughed into her hoof. “What I mean to say is that I helped the dreamweavers with the game, so I know a little about his ability to read your Dreamcube’s memory. The regular Discord battle is already random enough.”
“Actually, Chaotic Discord can create almost any game ever, not just stuff I’ve played before. He creates challenges in dimensional tears where you only have a few seconds to figure out what game you’re playing and beat a challenge before he kills you. It’s never the same, and you only have a few seconds to hit him somehow to make him vulnerable to your attacks.”
“I see… you must be well-versed in games, young one.” She glanced back at Button’s new cutie mark and nodded. “Yes. Most impressive, indeed! Well done, Fair Button Mash!” Luna lauded with a brilliant smile.
“Thanks. And yeah, it took me days to finally get a run that I beat him in and I,” Button choked back a sob as new tears welled up in his eyes, “I fell asleep before I saw the ending! I thought since I had control of Pommy that it was safe to leave it on overnight, but…” Another melodious, yet annoyingly shrill cry escaped the alicorn as they cried into their bed.
Celestia’s mouth fell agape. That was the source of Button’s despair? Not the sudden confusion of ascension, but the end of a story they had missed? Celestia looked again at the other ponies in the room hoping she wasn’t alone in her disbelief. She caught Cream Heart, who had narrowed her eyes as they flitted back and forth in thought before being struck with a realization.
“Button Mash?” she asked in alarm, as she grabbed her child by the cheeks and turned their face towards her. “Did you stay up playing your Dreamcube again on a school night?”
“Uhh…” Button averted their eyes, looking anywhere but at their mother’s admonishing gaze.
“Button!”
“B-but mom!” they whined.
“Don’t throw your buts in my face, young mister!”
“I believe it is ‘young missy’, now,” Luna corrected.
“Not helping!” Cream whispered in agitation at Luna before turning back to her colt-turned alicorn princess. “I told you that you aren’t allowed to play games past your bedtime. You are grounded!”
Button crumpled to the bed, descending into a new bout of pitiful wails that were far more foalish than the previous ones, nasally and slightly grating on the ears. Celestia cringed at the pitiful display, unsure of what to make of anything that was going on anymore.
“You would deny your daughter access to the source of her cutie mark?” Luna asked aghast. “One does not simply ground a princess!”
“I refuse to believe my son’s cutie mark is an alicorn game controller when he has clearly been turned into a game character!”
“You dare disparage her accomplishments? Princess Button Mash has more than earned her right to stand at our side.”
“What?” Everypony except Luna and Button asked in unison.
“She is the first to slay the mighty Chaotic Discord and bring harmony back to all of Equestria! Behold, she even bears the likeness of Princess Pommel Granite, but not her cutie mark!” Luna declared as she held up a box in her magic and hugged Button with her wing, stifling the new princess’ tears with the surprising close contact.
Luna pointed her hoof at the look-alike in question. Sure enough, Button Mash bore an astoundingly similar likeness to the mare on the box aside from her colors and the game character’s cutie mark: a slab of granite being pulverized by a large mallet striking it.
Twilight took the box in her magic and read the title and tagline aloud, “‘Princess Pommel Granite: Origins. The rockfarmer rises from the gravel of Rockville to save Equestria when darkness falls and all descends into pure chaos’. I see! This was the thing Spike came home with two weeks ago. I was wondering why he’s been spending so much time in his room.”
“Yeah, me and Trixie are playing through the co-op mode,” Starlight added. “It’s pretty fun.”
“We are getting way off track, everypony,” Celestia warned as she took the box for herself. “Luna, why do you say Button Mash has earned the right to become this alicorn?”
“Simple, because he has. Cadence defeating a witch and discovering the power of true Love? Hard. Twilight solving Star Swirl’s last spell and unlocking the true power of friendship? Very hard. Defeating Chaotic Discord, the final boss of PPG:O on Ultra Nightmare difficulty deathless? Impossible. Not even I, the mistress of the night, have been able to defeat such a foe woven of pure dream magic. And I have spent many a sleepless day confronting the challenge.”
“Sleepless days?” After a moment of pondering, Celestia gasped as she started putting several excuses she was given over the past two weeks together. “I thought you said you’ve been having trouble getting control of the dreamscape after I messed it up!”
“And indeed you did! Why do you think I had to stop my deathless attempts?” She mumbled with a side-eyed scowl at Starlight, who forced a smile under the sudden, unexpected pressure from the princess. “But now, this child has performed a miraculous feat of skill that I could not.”
“I can’t believe what I'm hearing! For heaven’s sake, sister! You mean to tell me that I let you skip the Griffonstone delegation for a children’s game?”
“We all have our duties, dear sister. And please, dreams are meant to be enjoyed by all ages, even ancient.”
Celestia couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Of all the foalish things. Aside from Flurry Heart, every alicorn had earned their ascension through harrowing struggles and years of learning. From what she knew of these games that her sister was so fond of, Button Mash had essentially gotten through a very difficult dreamscape. This would be like Twilight getting her wings from reading a bunch of books or Cadance getting her horn by matchmaking several “one true pairings” as she put it. The princess barely resisted smacking her face with her hoof.
“I still don’t get it though,” Twilight chimed in. “Why did Button Mash turn into an alicorn?”
“Perhaps this will enlighten you.” Luna spun around to the screen behind her and turned it on along with a small machine next to it. The silver and purple box whirred to life as it began channeling a rectangular crystal inserted into a slot in on the top. Celestia reasoned it must be this aforementioned Dreamcube. She remembered her sister mentioning the device excitedly at their shared meals, but had only been able to remark with platitudes at the younger’s bubbly excitement.
The display flashed to life with the game’s title, along with the picture of Button Mash, or rather Princess Pommel Granite, wielding a savage-looking wooden mallet. Luna pressed a few buttons and the screen changed to show several words centered on the screen. Two smaller hammers flanked the words at either side that moved down as Luna pressed the buttons. The hammers slammed down on a selection and the screen faded to black.
“The gallery?” Button asked. They shimmied closer to the foot of the bed.
“Verily. After beating challenges in the game, you unlock concept art, music, and scene selections.”
“Yeah, but I already unlocked all of them.”
“Oh, are you certain?” Luna asked with a smirk as she chose ‘scene selection’ and navigated to the last one.
Button’s eyes widened as they hopped from the bed, stumbling slightly, from the unfamiliarity of their larger body. “‘Ascension’…?”
Luna nodded with a sage smile and gave the controller to Button Mash, who took it with nigh religious reverence. He looked down at the device in his hooves and back to Luna, who sat down next to him and draped a wing over their back.
“Go ahead, young princess. You will not be spoiling anything for me.”
With palpable excitement, Button Mash clicked a button, and the screen faded to black.
It wasn’t fair. Pommel Granite had fought so hard. She, a mere Rockville farm-hoof, had fought through the countless corrupted hordes and defeated everything that stood in her way. She had recovered the stolen Elements of Harmony from their vicious guardians: Maulgruff the Diamond Dog, Lord Riptalon of Griffonstone, the towering, corrupted Statue of Friendship in Manehattan, Fell-Queen Chrysalis, Dread-King Sombra, and Darkside Nightmare Moon. She had even conquered Chaotic Discord’s game after he stole the Elements again and turned him back to stone using a magic she didn’t understand.
But it had been too little too late. Everything had fallen to chaos, and there was nothing left but twinkling stardust.
The battered earth pony trudged through the void, following a trail of silver stars. She should’ve felt victorious. All around her was the beauty of space with nebulas, planets, and comets, but none of it mattered. Without anypony to experience it with, what was the point?
“You have done well, my little pony,” a voice said from beyond the starlight.
“W-who’s there?” Pommel shouted as she grabbed her mallet. She was exhausted and badly hurt, but she wasn’t going down without a fight.
At once, the moon rose at the end of the path, the Mare in the Moon clearly visible on its surface. It glowed with silver moonlight and faded away, revealing an alicorn she had never seen before. Even though she was standing with the majesty of the night sky itself, the pony standing before Pommel was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen in her life.
“I am Princess Luna. Thank you for freeing me from the dreaded clutches of my Nightmare.”
“What?” Button asked astonished, “but how? You aren’t even in the other PPG games, Princess!”
“Azure Dreamer wanted to retcon my appearance since my return was after she made the first Princess Pommel Granite, hence the name ‘Origins’,” Luna answered.
“Wait a moment. Is this is the Aethereal Plane?” Celestia asked.
“Yes it is! And don’t spoil it for him!”
“Y-you’re welcome, I guess, your highness,” Pommel greeted with a small bow and a sigh.
“What is the matter, my little pony?” Luna asked with concern.
“What’s the matter? What do you think? Equestria is gone! Heck, the world is gone! I tried, I tried so hard to save everyone and… and I failed. I failed everypony.” Pommel screamed into the magnificent void.
“Here’s a tissue, sweetie,” Cream offered.
“Thank you for your concern, Miss Heart,” Luna thanked as she took the tissue in her magic and patted her eyes.
“Uh… you’re welcome, your highness.” Cream took another tissue and passed it to Button who was also tearing up at the exchange.
The midnight princess, in all of her starlit splendor, trotted over to the defeated mare and lifted her head with her hoof. “You failed no pony, dear Pommel. You’ve saved the entire world, and for that have my eternal thanks. Behold!”
The stars glowed and flashed into pictures all around them. Rockville, Manehattan, Griffonstone, Canterlot, The Crystal Empire, and the Everfree Forest: everywhere she had been on her adventure was there, safe and sound. Ponies and all sorts of creatures, freed from the corrupting influence of Discord’s reprehensible chaos magic, had been returned to normal.
“I can’t believe it. Harmony has returned. And my friends; they’re all safe. The Elements did it!”
“Neigh, you did it, Pommel Granite. You fought through terrible trials and hardships and, against all odds, saved our precious world, and perhaps all worlds, from the terrible reign of Discord. For this—”
Luna fell to her knees, the Elements of Harmony shooting out from Pommel Granite. The began circling around in the air, faster and faster as a tower of light appeared and quickly descended upon the confused earth pony.
“—you bow to no mare,” Luna solemnly swore ingame as she bowed.
“You bow to no mare!” Luna said along with her game self, acting excitedly with the unfolding scene.
A roar of ancient and powerful magic rocked the fabric of space as Pommel felt a surge of power rush through her very soul, lifting her from the ground. The Elements shot away, collapsing the beam enveloping her. She slowly opened her eyes to see that she was fluttering in the air. She felt the flaps of wings, her wings, at her side and the magical potential flowing through her new horn.
A mere farm-hoof had been transformed into an alicorn!
Realizing she didn’t know how she was flying, Pommel clumsily fell to the star pathway below, only to be caught in Princess Luna’s magic. Luna tenderly set the new alicorn down as she approached.
“You may have saved Equestria, but I must set the stars right. Tell my sister you have freed us and that I eagerly await the day I may return to you after fixing the damage Discord has wrought upon the heavens.”
“So that’s why Luna isn’t in PPG I through III!” Button exclaimed excitedly.
“And thank you, Princess Pommel Granite.” Princess Luna closed her eyes as she kissed Pommel on the forehead at the base of her horn. Pommel blushed at the sudden kiss and pawed at the ground in embarrassment.
“That felt a little sudden,” Starlight muttered out of the side of her mouth to nopony in particular.
“Silence!” Luna commanded. “Tis canon now!”
“Now go! Equestria still needs you.”
A magical circle emblazoned with Luna’s cutie mark spiraled into existence below Pommel Granite’s hooves. Energy spun around and turned the mare into a silver drop of magic and shot into space.
—Created by Azure Dreamer— flashed into the foreground.
“And there you have it.” Luna turned to Princess Button Mash who stared at the credit scroll, awestruck by the ending they had earned. “The true ending to Princess Pommel Granite: Origins and exactly how she became an alicorn.”
Twilight put a hoof to her chin ponderously. “I thought you said you hadn’t beaten the game yet. So how did you know the true ending?”
Luna smirked confidently and pointed her hoof at the screen. A few names rolled passed, but then under “Lead Character Design” there was another credit.
—And Princess Luna as Herself—
“I helped with the design of the Aethereal Plane and my lines.” The lunar princess sat up straight and proud, smiling in all her regal glory with a hoof to her chest.
“So the sudden ship was your idea,” Starlight teased.
Luna rose to her full height and stood in front of the snarky unicorn who shrunk under her stern eyes. “A hero always receives a kiss from the princess they rescue, do they not?” Starlight nodded quickly in agreement as she backed away slowly.
‘So yes, you did,’ Celestia mentally noted to herself, knowing that her sister was one to mask her emotions under a rough front. The nervous tick in her sister’s tail was all Celestia needed to know that Luna had more than enjoyed her self-insert into the story.
“Okay, but how does that explain what happened to my little Button?” Cream asked while hugging her large child.
“Unlike my dear sister, I can act,” Luna answered simply, sinking Celestia’s face into a flat frown. “Dreamcube games use magic similar to the Dreamscape to weave their tales together. I poured my heart into transforming my savior, Pommel Granite, into an alicorn when I was helping weave it. I suppose him falling asleep while triggering that part of the dream sequence, along with unleashing the magic of earning his cutie mark, brought my impeccable performance to life. I was entirely focused on transforming Pommel Granite into an alicorn, after all.”
Celestia balked. “So, a dream version of you transformed Button Mash into this alicorn princess?”
“When you put it that way, perhaps I should submit a bug report.”
“Luna!”
“Cool! So I’m a princess now?” Button bubbled as they wagged her new, slightly curly tail like a puppy. Then as soon as the excitement came, it gave way to fear. “Wait. I’m a girl? Eww! Do I have cooties?” They started to back away, screaming and trying to somehow distance themselves from their forehooves. “Mom, help! How do I deal with cooties?”
“For the last time, Button, girls do not have cooties!” Cream sighed despondently as she pulled at her face at the new alicorn’s antics. “And you said you were going to help him!”
“Her,” Luna corrected. “And what is there to help? She ascended into an alicorn and earned her place among the likes of Princess Twilight Sparkle and Princess Mi Amore Cadenza.”
“You… you mean, you’re just going to leave my little Button like this?”
“Unfortunately, my sister is right.” Princess Celestia sighed, hoping the pressure release would help prevent the oncoming headache that was prodding at her skull. “I cannot believe I am saying this, but Princess Button Mash has ascended into an alicorn, a gift that, once bestowed, cannot be taken away. Even if Button were to give up the alicorn magic willingly, they'd remain an alicorn.”
“Why did he turn into a she anyway?” Starlight asked looking at the panicking princess in the corner trying to shake off non-existent cooties while “blecking”, “icking”, and “ughing” to herself. The unicorn grimaced at the sight before turning back to the royal sisters.
“Have you ever heard of a male alicorn princess?” Luna asked in disbelief. She blew a razzberry and waved a dismissive hoof at the very thought. “Please, who would buy a toy of that?”
“I-is that really important?”
“It is of the most importance!” Luna fiercely proclaimed with a hoofstomp and a well-timed digital lightning bolt from the game’s intro sequence. Celestia nodded solemnly in agreement to the confusion of everypony else around, though she planned to have a talk with her sister regarding more modern takes on social identities later. The lunar princess turned to her elder sister and raised a hoof to her chin as she rubbed it ponderously. “So, what do you think? There are still the major cities as well as settlements like Appleloosa and Dodge Junction.”
“Button Mash may appear fully grown, but their mind is still of a foal,” Celestia thought aloud as she considered where the new princess could reign. “It is far too early for them to accept a title and land. Maybe in a few years…” Button yelped as they lost their balance in the fight against the invisible cootie foes, “...or decades.”
Button Mash thrashed around, but then reached behind their and produced a large mallet from nowhere and started swinging it wildly. Twilight squeaked in panic and popped a bubble around the princess before any powerful swings could come into contact with anything in the room.
“Oh, she bears the wondrous hammer space dimension as well!” Luna clopped her hooves together in excitement as she added her own powerful magic to Twilight’s shield.
Celestia sighed in defeat as her hoof finally broke through her will, and pressed against her forehead. Her day had barely begun and the sun princess had completely exhausted every shred of patience before lunch.
“All hail, Princess Button Mash,” Celestia wearily announced to the world.