By the grace of all that is crap, I feel great right now! So very…fulfilled! Booky, my friend, there’s nothing quite like a daynight of work to get your mind off of things.
There are many announcements to be made in this entry before the time for my sleepy-sleeps comes hither.
So, with gusto, let us begin!
Firstly…what?
Why are you looking at me like that?
What do you mean I called you my friend? Yeah right, I’m not falling for that. There’s no way I’d go calling anypony my friend at this point.
Nice try.
I’ll start with the sad news first.
You see, I don’t think I’ll be able to face anypony for some time after everything that has occurred. Well…more like the one thing that occurred that was very upsetting. Regardless, that means I will not be selling anything to Twilight for a while. Nor do I think that I will be leaving my house for anything but work…with the exception of one event, but that’s something I’ll have to explain. However, just because I won’t be selling things anymore (I don’t need to do so anymore now that the bitch Shimmer Shade is gone.) doesn’t mean that I won’t play the Break-It-Down game anymore.
No, I’ll still play it. I know how much you like it when I do.
Work went splendidly and without incident. I actually managed to find some pretty sweet items and some other not sweet items. What’s great is that I didn’t have to explain anything to Carty as he seems to understand what happened.
Good for him. I hope he’s taking this better than I am. The last thing I want is for him to be all down in the dumps like I am. However, I now have a CURE for my dumpiness!
Seeing as I missed my usual organic drop off with Big Macintosh, I decided to take care of that this evenoring. I’m sure you’ve noticed the piles of organic crap rotting near my house. Yeah, I noticed it too. It was at Sweet Apple Acres that the most exciting parts of my shift occurred.
To my surprise, Big Macintosh and Applejack were already hard at work when I came trotting up to their home with a smelly Carty (HE STANKY.). It’s understandable that they were really shocked to see/smell me. Unfortunately, Celestia apparently wasn’t done with me yet as she had Applejack start asking how I was doing and how that bitch was doing with her family. Thankfully, Big Macintosh is an angel as he shut her up right quick.
I swear I could worship that big lug for that intervention.
I’m not kidding. I could seriously start worshiping that guy. I’d burn things in his honor and make daily sacrifices for him and everything. However, with no sacrifices prepared, I just gave a cart full of organic crap instead. Unfortunately, I’ve come to mind that my life was not one meant to be spent in servitude or in reverence of any deities. So I decided that an extreme amount of respect would be given instead of ritualistic worship.
The reason those two were up so early (As opposed to me usually getting there before they wake up.) was that they are apparently going to be hosting a massive party that is being thrown in their honor.
Can you imagine that? Somepony is actually stealing my idea of throwing a celebration of how awesome Big Macintosh and (To a MUCH lesser extent.) his family are.
Ah, I can see you think you know where this is going. Well, prepare to have your worldview be rocked! As I am going to ATTEND that party! Not for long, mind you, but long enough to thoroughly explain to Applejack and (MUCH more importantly.) Big Macintosh how much I appreciate how they fix Carty for me whenever he needs it (WHICH IS SUSPICIOUSLY OFTEN!). Luckily, this little celebration is in four days, which gives me that long to mentally prepare myself for the annoyances bound to plague me.
I have another piece of big news; Big Macintosh GAVE ME AN ENTIRE BARREL OF THEIR FINEST HARD CIDER! FOR FREE! The angelic stallion even carried the damn thing home for me, which is wonderful as it would’ve crushed me flat. I cannot wait to get as drunk as possible tomorrow mevening. I’m sure the town won’t notice if I take a vacation day so that I can get ABSOLUTELY DESTROYED!
What’s even better is that alcohol helps to drown pain and I could definitely use some drowning right now. How do I know this? Well, Daddy Dearest always told me that drinking made his hooves stop hurting after he used to teach me how to get hit.
Further demonstrating how awesome he is, Big Macintosh told me that if I ever need to talk to anypony about anything I need to talk about then he and his sister are here (Or, more accurately, they are at their farm.) for me. I damn near cried when he said that, but I’m not a treacherous mare so I didn’t go and act like a bitch. I simply thanked him and let him be on his way. Such a nice offer, too. Too bad I have you.
Nopony can understand what I want to talk about. You can and you do.
My haul daynight was pretty impressive, so let’s get straight to it. BREAK-IT-DOWN!
Alright, I don’t know what a Golden Carrot award is, but it must be really important. I say this because this little trophy I found is called a Golden Carrot. Why is it called that and how do I know such a thing? Well, I can only assume it is called a Golden Carrot because it is a golden carrot and I know it is called such because it says so on the base of the thing. I have never heard of this kind of thing before, but I really like it cause it is solid gold and doesn’t have a name on it. Just to be sure, here’s what it says on the little gold text plate on the wooden base, ‘The Golden Carrot Award for Carrot Top.’ I can only assume that means this thing is for somepony who grew the top carrot in a competition of sorts, which is kind of weird considering that I only know of one pony in Ponyville who grows carrots professionally (The circuit doesn’t usually run by Ponyville, so anypony here is either an amateur or training in the bush leagues.). I, unfortunately, do not know her name, but I can easily identify her as being the one with absolutely gorgeously round flanks. Perceived value: sixty bits.
I’m gonna follow that up with another metal version of a vegetable. This one is far more mysterious and I’m actually a little hesitant to keep it in the house. For you see, I found a bronzed potato. Yeah, a bronzed version of that accursed murderer that grows just beneath the ground. Unlike the trophy, this thing has no apparent use. There is no wooden base, nothing to help it stand up on a shelf, no notches for anything to be connected to it, and nothing stating its purpose. I can only assume that I have managed to capture the leader of the potato secret society of super-villains. This is good and bad as that means they have no leader, but it also means that they will want their leader back. Perceived value: priceless…to the secret potato legions…
Alright, get ready to party cause I found a MASSIVE button! This thing is unlike anything I’ve ever found before! What’s totally balls is that I found it out near Rarity’s. That means I can totally get more of these! I’m so bucking psyched about this right now that I can’t even see straight! Perceived value: priceless…to me at least.
I don’t know what to think of this next item. It isn’t as absurd as the bronzed potato, but it is indeed something I’ve never come across before. You see, what I’ve found is a slightly tattered pirate flag featuring a pony’s skull with a snake wrapped around its muzzle. Not sure of who would even own something like this. Perceived value: twenty bits.
That’s all for this evenoring. I’m gonna get some much deserved sleep and then drink myself into oblivion when I wake up.