We tried sneaking up on the new continent, looking for a small, isolated settlement we could sail into to learn more about the local culture. Our first attempt ran into immediate problems. First, the Mikoyan wasn't all that great at moving in the water - it was an airship that landed in the water, not a ship that could fly. Second, the village we picked had some vessels of its own, which were quickly rowed out to meet us, with lots of wolf-like diamond dogs holding pointy sharp things aimed in our general direction. And third... it turned out that none of the locals seemed to speak English (or Equestrian), and nobody on our ship spoke whatever vaguely Germanic tongue it was they were speaking. Looked like Dug and Gord might have been the exceptions rather than the rule.
When we tried to talk to the local naval militia, and didn't attack right away, they seemed to relax a bit; not enough to invite us into their homes, but enough to sit down and try some of the ancient methods people have always used when introduced without a common language: drawings and exaggerated gestures. Red and Micro sat on our deck with whichever of their folk were interested, while the rest of the crew kept an eye out for any skullduggery, watching the locals who were watching us.
This was a rather slow way of communicating even the simplest idea, so I tried murmuring a few synonyms for 'translate' while running my hoof through my bowl of gems, trying different suffices... and hit a jackpot with 'interpretari'. Suddenly, when the wolfish villagers said something in their tongue, I also 'heard', without hearing the sounds, something in English, which seemed to be what they meant. At their surprised looks when Micro said something, I suspected they were now 'hearing' what she meant in their native language. One more point for the spaghetti method of spell discovery.
Since 'Plan Stalliongrad' still seemed to be one of our best options, I languidly announced from my deck chair, "I grow weary with this delay over mere trifles," as my excuse.
One of the wolves whispered to another something that I heard as, 'I thought she was the buffet.' Red and Micro filled their roles by hurriedly disabusing him of the notion with faked nervous glances in my direction.
Red said, "How long will this magic last, Missy?"
I internally grimaced - I didn't actually know the answer, and I thought Red should have known better than to risk the disguise by asking. But I gave a vague wave. "For as long as it amuses me, of course." I hoped she understood what I meant, and she seemed to, for she turned back to the wolves with some rapid-fire questions about reprovisioning, shore leave, what they'd expect as trade goods, who to get in touch with if there was a conflict between a crewpony and a villager, and so on.
By my count, after sixty seconds, I stopped 'hearing' the translations, so I guessed that that was the spell's default duration. I muttered "Interpretari" again, with a bit more mental oomph, which, if it followed the same system as the other spells I'd experimented with, should let it last for five minutes. There were a few confused looks during the second or so the spell's effect was down, then some shrugs as it came back.
Glancing around, I saw Tranquil Valley nearby, and gestured her over. "Grab a pen, ask questions, and put together as much of a phrasebook as you can before the spell runs out." She nodded, and joined the others at the table.
I called Amethyst out of the background. "I want you," I said to her, but mostly for the wolves with their keen ears pointed in my direction, "to find our newest crew to make sure they understand my rules. They are free to respond to words with words; to nonlethal fighting with nonlethal fighting, as in a friendly bar brawl; and to lethal attacks with lethal force. I have no intention of wasting my time and resources laying waste to this village due to them escalating without my authorization, so be sure they know that if they throw the first punch, or draw weapons in response to a slap, I will treat them as if they had so attacked me." Amethyst simply nodded, as I'd expected her to, and faded back into the background again.
"Captain," I said to Red.
"Yes, Missy?"
"You're always complaining to me about needing more money for your expenses. So ask these... people if any of them wish to be carried anywhere, faster than their own ships go; or to have messages or parcels sent. That sort of thing."
One of the wolves grated, 'Faster? Your ship has almost no sails, and needs clumsy pontoons just to keep from tipping over. Why should we pay you anything?"
I smiled at him. "I'm glad you asked. Red? Shall we give these kind gentlemen a quick trip around the harbor?"
Red glanced at them. "Interested? You might want to tell your own ships not to worry - and definitely not to shoot at us for moving unexpectedly."
There was a bit of shouting back and forth, and Red calling orders into a speaking tube, and some rather smug and unbelieving wolves merely humoring us, expecting our boast to fall apart at any moment.
And then our side propellers spun up, and the Mikoyan rose out of the water. The looks on the wolves' faces were... surprisingly gratifying.
After the promised once around the harbor, and a renewed translation spell as we landed (or should that be 'seaed'?), the wolves were more than happy to put their weapons away. Maybe it was the fact that they saw their longhouses from above, and thought about what we could do to them without them being able to do anything to us in return; maybe it was that we could do such things, but were making it clear that we wouldn't, unless they started things; maybe it was just the sheer joy as they leaned over the side of the railing, jaws open and tongues flapping in the wind from how fast we were going. Whatever their reasoning, I wasn't going to complain about it.
The village was fairly small, and simply designed; it was divided into four quarters, each of which consisted of four longhouses around a courtyard, a couple of which had a building or two in the middle. Around that was an earthen berm and ditch. Maybe seven, eight hundred wolves, all told.
I took a look at Valley's notes so far - and grimaced. Most of the words were familiar in sound - but just different enough to be completely incomprehensible, unless you already knew what they were. For example, in one column, she'd written, "Null, eyin, too, threya, feere, fem, seks, shu, otte, nee, tee, elleve, tolv, tretten, fyorten, femten, seisten, khitten, otten, neeten, tyue." I didn't even have to look at the corresponding Equestrian column to know what they meant; and now that I'd seen them, I just might be able to pick those particular words out of a conversation... but only if I'd refreshed my memory beforehand. I couldn't tell, from this sample, whether the local tongue descended from Equestrian (which, as far as I could tell, had been copied from Earthly English, given the well-documented cases where English words were known to have been coined, such as 'okay', which showed up here in Equestria), or the reverse, or if they'd both descended from some common ancestor... and, I supposed, it didn't really make much difference at this point.
I didn't want us to become too dependent on the translation spell, and I didn't want to give any hints to the villagers about what the limits of our magic might be, so I didn't renew the spell after we came back down, and we all had to use copies of Valley's notes as the basis for a simplified pidgin to try to make ourselves understood. It seemed to work well enough, at least to the degree that everybody was spending their time trying to explain themselves to each other instead of bashing each other over the head, and since the whole purpose of this visit was to get us more used to interacting with the local culture, I was quite willing to leave everybody to it.
"I've been cooped up on the ship for a while," I said to anypony in earshot. "I think I'll take a walk around the place. Fresh air, exercise. Anypony want to ask them if there are any cow-eating monsters I need to watch for?" This resulted in a flurry of hand-waving conversations, as the Mikoyan's crew tried to get across the question in various ways, listened in on what words other crew used that worked, and so on. In less than a minute the general impression came back that there were lots of things that could eat me, but they were all either eaten themselves or chased away.
I nodded, and packed my usual arsenal anyway, plus an extra few pocketfuls of gems, now that I'd found more uses for them. I made sure that Red saw me push a CAT WHISKER into a pannier bag, and saw her order Blanche to keep a watch from the top of the Mikoyan's mainmast.
The landscape reminded me a lot of pictures I'd seen of Scotland - seashore and rolling hills, boggy type areas in the lowest spots, an ever-present smell of peat - which was at least mildly more pleasant than most of the scents from the village. I could probably turn the whole expedition into a massively profitable one just by introducing proper sanitation - and even if there wasn't a bit to be made from it, it might still be worth it.
While I was halfway around the village from the harbor, experimentally munching on a bit of local grass, my CAT WHISKER started buzzing. I sighed, turned around, and started trotting, listening to the buzzes as I went, so that by the time I reached the spot of trouble, I had a good idea what I was about to see: Athos, sitting on the ground with a black eye, while Porthos and Aramis stood protectively over him, baring their teeth at one of the locals, while Gallant Heart and Berry Blast stood between them, trying, unsuccessfully, to calm things down.
"Right," I said. "Interpretari. One of you at a time talk - you'll all get a turn. Athos?"
"He hit me!"
"Did you hit him first?"
"No!"
"Right. Would you care to say anything?" I said to the wolf.
He crossed his arms over his chest. 'I don't gotta say nuthin' to you.'
"Maybe you haven't heard. These are my men. What they do, it is in my name, and as if I had done it. What is done to them, it is as if it were done to me."
'You sayin' you are their chief?'
"As far as I know - sure."
'Right. Then you owe me the weregild.'
"... What weregild?"
'For insultin' me!'
I sighed. "What insult!"
'He called me a mare!'
I closed me eyes for a moment to rub my forehead. "You do realize that they don't know your language, and are working from some very rough notes?"
'Doesn't matter. They said it, they owe - or you owe, if you're in charge of 'em.'
"I see. Well, no, I don't. I offer my apology - no insult was intended."
'Not good enough. Not when he called me a mare.'
"... What, exactly, is wrong with being called a mare?"
'Are you stupid?'
"Maybe, maybe not. Pretend I am if it helps. I ask again - what's the insult?"
'Calling anyone a female's fighting words!'
"... Anyone. Hm. Pretend I'm stupid for one more time - could you tell me what I am?"
'You're... a cow?'
"Are those fighting words?"
'Uh... no?'
"Then there's no reason for anything like them to be fighting words."
'Wait - yeah, yeah those are fighting words!"
"Then since he used fighting words to you, and you used fighting words to me - it all balances out, and nopony owes anypony anything."
'Who're you calling a pony, you pony!?'
I sighed again. "What will it take to make this all go away?"
'Like I said - you owe me a weregild. Gold on the barrelhead. Or,' he snorted a laugh, 'you can try backing up your words in a duel.'
"Tell me more about such duels."
I stared at the small fighting circle - if I stretched out, I could reach one side with my forehooves and the other with my hindhooves; it was quite close quarters. "No blows have been struck yet. This can all still just go away, peacefully - no harm, no insult, no foul. I'll even throw in a nice ride on my ship, or a delivery, free of charge, to show there are no hard feelings."
'Nuh-uh,' he grunted. I'd kind of expected that, since some other wolves, including some greyer looking older ones, had started drifting over and watching matters.
I shrugged. "In that case - just to be clear - one foot... or hoof, I guess - outside the lines is a 'flinch', and two is 'fleeing' and the loss, right?"
'Yeah. You gonna back out now?'
I thought through the various options I had available to me. It would be easy enough to just pay the... jock the fine he demanded; it would be a dent in our remaining dragon's gold, but quite doable. On the other hoof... if I did that, then with the limited language skills my crew had, it would probably be moments until other villages demanded weregild of their own from purely innocuous statements, until our coffers were empty. Which meant that paying him off merely delayed the issue, and didn't solve it. And since the local dueling system included a relatively bloodless, sumo-like variant - if I could win this, then we wouldn't have to worry about any such weregild claims. And even if I lost, I had a few ideas in mind to make the best of things.
"No," I answered him. I waited a few moments, timing the end of the translation spell, then stepped into the circle. I settled my hooves firmly into place... and whispered, "Adherere," and "Interpretari. In a more normal tone of voice, I said to him, "Begin."
Confidently, he strode into the ring; and when I made no move to defend myself, placed his hands under his belly to heave me up and over.
The results were somewhat comical. I encouraged him, "Try again."
He heaved. He lifted. He pulled. He pushed.
My hooves stayed as firmly on the ground as if they'd been glued there.
"Are you done yet?"
'No!'
"I just want you to feel that you've done your best."
'Shut up! Maybe I can't push you - but you still have to push me out, and I don't think you can!'
"Interesting. So - what you're saying is, right now, your greatest wish is to remain in this circle?"
'I can wait you out!'
"I want to be absolutely sure and clear about this."
'Yeah - I wanna stay right here, in the circle, longer than you!'
I nodded pleasantly. "Then I grant you your wish." As the translation spell ran out again, I whispered "Adherere" again, focusing on him, and "Nullus magicae" while thinking on my own hooves, and finally "Interpretari." Aloud, I said, "I shall now end the duel," and stepped back over the line.
He bared his teeth in a smile. 'You surrender, you owe me weregild," he stated.
"I have been told of the custom," I acknowledged. "Would the next step be going to my ship to count it out for you?"
'Yeah!' he agreed... and then blinked a few times... and then, as his legs tensed as he tried to move them, frowned. 'Huh?'
"I granted you your wish. You said you wanted to stay in the circle - so I made things happen so that you would stay in the circle."
'You... you cheated!'
"I did? How? Cheating is done to win - and I just lost."
'But... but... the duel's over! I can come out now!'
"You said you wanted to stay in their longer than me. You didn't say how much longer."
He was starting to look panicked. I tried to keep myself from feeling a gloat. I wasn't entirely successful. 'You... you gotta let me out! I can't stay here forever!'
I shrugged. "I don't see why. I have been more than generous. I have followed your customs. I offered, several times, to resolve our differences peacefully. I have granted your stated heartfelt wish. In return, you have been rude, insulting, combative, and generally unfriendly. I see no reason I owe you a single favor, or the benefit of any doubt. I think that I shall simply leave you alone, from now on." I turned my tail on him, and glanced at the greymuzzle. "By the way, I haven't been keeping track - is it the heat of summer or the cold of winter that's coming next?"
'Wait!'
I sighed, and looked over my shoulder at him. "What is it now? I've got to go to my ship to collect some weregild to dump next to you."
'I'm sorry?'
"... Is that it?"
'Maybe? I don't know! What do you want?'
"I offered you an apology - and you refused it, demanding weregild instead."
'You don't have to pay me! Or, you can pay me a weregild, and I can pay you one, and then we're even, right?'
I tilted my head, considering. "It's enough to gain my attention back, at least."
'What else is there?'
"Saying 'I'm sorry' is just words. Half of a real apology is making amends - which you have just offered. The other half is making some sort of change to keep it from happening again."
'I don't understand.'
I sighed. "Once I leave on my pretty flying ship, what's to keep you from pulling the exact same stunt on the next crew that comes by?"
'I won't! I promise I won't!'
"Promises are words, like 'I'm sorry', and can be as empty of meaning. What consequences will you face if that promise is broken?"
The greymuzzle I'd asked about the seasons stepped forward. 'I think you've made your point, Fair Lady. We'll take care of him if he steps out of line again.'
"The way you took care of him up to this point?"
'We have seen your ship. We know that if you ever hear any word about him, you can destroy us as thoroughly as any dragon. And so I swear to you - on my hearth and by the lives of my children - that if you undo your enchantment, we will not allow him to claim insult for words meant in innocence."
I looked around, at the crowd and at the wolf standing in the duel circle. "Does this seem fair and just to you?" There was a general chorus of nods and agreement. I walked back up to my erstwhile opponent, and looked at him up and down. "Five minutes," I finally said. "I give you five more minutes to stay there, and ponder what your life would be like, there, save for the promises and good faith of your neighbors. Then you will be free to choose where to go, as you were before." I turned around and walked away.
That night, while in the middle of a dream, I felt a sharp, stabbing pain in the middle of my back, and woke up, to discover that the formerly-glued wolf was now in the process of stabbing me in my back...