The Unstoppable Moron

by aegishailstorm


Blood on the marble

William waited on the overlook at the top of the ship, gazing down on the destruction the Storm king's forces had wrought. In all honesty, it didn't seem that bad, at least, from the air.

"Eh, I've seen worse, my vacation to Chernobyl was proof of that," He shivered slightly, that 'expedition' still gave him nightmares. He turned, and headed back down inot the bowels of the ship. Clad in black armor, and keeping his P90 tucked firmly into his shoulder, he advanced down the dimly lit hallways, occasionally stopping to put the odd storm beast or 2 out of their mortal misery, so to speak. When he made it back to the room in which Twilight was being held, he gently swung it open, only to find her, and the cage gone. Just then, he felt the whole ship rock for a moment, and then stop.

"Must've landed. Well... This is were I get off!" William shouted into the empty chamber, closing the door behind him, he walked back down the hallway, back up though the corridors, until he found a window on the starboard side of the airship which he could repel out of unseen. He hooked the ropes onto the ledge in a 2 fold not, in a way that would allow him to retrieve it after he was done with it, regardless of the fact that he could make military hardware disappear and reappear at will. This did make it a tad bit more convenient.

"Here we go!" He jumped out of the window , gripping the cable as he did, he swiftly made his way down the side of the ship, at last, he stepped down back onto the dock. Looking up at the spires of Canterlot.

"I haven't missed this place in the slightest," The rope disappeared in a flash of light, and in it's place. William threw on a set of dull grey riot gear.

"Should I go in loud, or quiet?" He asked himself as he crept along the dock towards the city. He poked his head around one of the support pillars at the end of the dock. From there, he could see the pavilion where he had first encountered the Storm king's forces, looking though a pair of binoculars, he could see the petrified form of Derpy hooves.

"Guess that answer's my question, loud it is!" He replaced his P90 with an M249.

"Oh, how I've missed you." He said to the weapon as he quietly advanced into the city." He kept to alleyway's as much as possible. That was, until he came to the main road though Canterlot, to find it filled with captive ponies, and Storm Beasts.

"Hmmm...they call it a city, I call it a target rich environment." He snickered to himself as he propped his squad automatic weapon up against a wall. And opened fire. Filling the street with lead, most of the ponies dove for cover as soon as the gunfire started out of instinct. Others stood still, either because they were unable to, or because they were to scared to do so. William was forced to aim around them. Within all of 30 seconds, he had racked up a kill count of 18 of the monsters. Satisfied with his work, and hearing more of them rushing to aid the ones in distress, he pulled out the empty box magazine, and slammed a fresh one into it. Noticing that they had no active way to fight back at range. He left his hiding spot in the alleyway, stepping out into the open. This gave him away obviously. But no matter, William could kill them faster than they could arrive. As he moved closer and closer to the castle, his kill count climbed higher and higher.

20 down...

30...

40...

50...

60...

It was all to easy, while these Storm beast's may be an intimidating and formidable foe at close range. Their general disregard for this very important thing called 'strategy' combined with their clumsy forms meant that at mid to long rage, they were nothing more than a nuisance to William and his M249. He heard a rumbling noise all around him, followed by a bright flash of light come from the direction of the castle, he noticed that all of the captive ponies around him began to momentarily shiver, then stop, and wince in pain.

"Oh, #### the Storm king must've done whatever he wanted to do to Twilight. Wait... does that mean-" Quickly, he tried manifesting a Glock into his other hand. And sighed in relief when it did.


"Thank goodness whatever spell he was casting up in yonder castle only applies to ponies." It wasn't just him that had paused for a moment to peek up at the castle, it was the remaining Storm beasts as well. He took this opportunity to charge his way past them, and into the castle, which to his surprise, was both unlocked, and unguarded.


"Good," He thought to himself, it would make it that much easier to kill him. Just then, yet another strange thing began to happen. The sun and moon began rapidly cycling though the air.

"The storm king must be fooling around with his newfound power, I'll bag him while he's distracted."


"Ah yes, I got a delivery for a mister, The Storm Kin-" Caper stopped talking and looked around, the Storm beast's guarding the city gates were gone. In the distance, the group could hear gunfire.

"That's William." Joey told the group, trotting up alongside the comically large cake which they had fabricated in an attempt to sneak captain Celeano and her crew inside the city walls.

"How do you know?" Questioned Applejack.

"Do you no anypony else in this place with firearms?" He asked.

"Fair point, let's go, hey, you guys can get out off there now!" Rainbow shouted into the cake. From there, they crept into the city, meeting no resistance whatsoever. And then they saw it. The dead bodies of storm beasts, staggered though the streets, corpses covered in bullet holes from the full metal jacket round's William had put though them. The six gaged slightly at the sight of it all, Joey managed to keep his composure.

"I didn't realize that friend of yours was that powerful, remind me again how it is that you were chased out of here in the first place?" Caper asked the group.

"William claim's they caught him off guard," Joey responded.

"How could you catch someone like that off guard?" Asked Celeano.

"Beat's me." Replied Rainbow.

William kicked in the doors of the throne room, and, with a flashbang, barged inside, expecting to find the storm king inside. Blinded and ready to have William put a burst of 5.56 though his skull. He instead found it empty, he could hear shouting coming from the balcony. He crept his way though the destroyed stained glass windows. There's he found Twilight and Tempest, to their direct front was what The storm king himself, roughly 8 and a half feet tall. And clutching a glowing staff. He appeared to be staring down at the city below, likely at the dozens of dead Storm beasts below.

"Uh, what happened?" He asked the 2 of them.

"Hello there, you the storm king?" William asked causally.

"Who are you?" He responded.

"Your majesty, he's that "Unstoppable moron" I told you about earlier." Tempest told him, the color seemed to drain from his face as he heard that.


"You, did that?!" He pointed down at the city below. William didn't responded, he lifted his weapon to shoulder, and set it's dim red sights right between the storm kings eyes.

"What are you going to do now, kill me?" He asked with a chuckle in his voice, he slammed the staff, and a bolt of lightning flew from it, almost catching William in the shoulder.

"I've been blasted with lightning in this world enough times to know when someone's 'bouta try to to it to me."

"Well, doge this then!" He slammed it into the marble flooring again, and a cyclone began to form above the castle, growing into A full sized tornado. He began to laugh. as lightning engulfed the castle.

"Now I truly am the Storm King!" William cringed slightly at this, he made a painful realization.

"I wasted an entire week of my damn life, for this piece of ####! another stereotypical Equestrian villain?!"

"Yes, Yes, you are every bit as powerful as I promised sire, now restore my horn, and I swear to use my magic to serve you." Tempest told the Storm king, who only laughed in return.

"HaHa, wo cares about your dinkiy little unicorn horn?" He pushed her aside.

"We had A deal!" She shouted at him.

"Get with the program! I used you, It's kina what I do!" He lowered his staff in her direction, and began to recklessly fire bolts of lightning in her direction. In return she fired a sporadic bolt of energy from her broken horn. The 2 bolts collided with one another, sending them flying in opposite directions. William watched as Twilight rushed over to pull Tempest back over the edge of the railing, he turned to the storm king, watching him struggle back to his feet. He raised the staff in his claws, aiming it at the 2 of them. Unfortunately for him William was quicker.


"Isn't that so sweet-" He stopped for a moment, and looked down at his chest.

"Ouch." Where his last words, right before William sent another 3 round burst though his head. He watched in satisfaction as his body clattered to the floor, dead at last.

"Another one bite the dust." William thought to himself with a chuckle. He looked up, just in time to find, Joey, the six, and Spike come barreling though the storm clouds, and right into him. They fell to the ground in a heap.

"Owww!! The hell's wrong with you?!" He yelled at them, they, with the exception of Joey, ignore him going for Twilight instead, who greeted warmly in return.

"Guy's, you all came back! I'm so sorry, I was wrong to-" They all embraced each other. William scowled at them in disgust. He looked over at Joey.

"William, you're ok!" He rushed to give William a hug, who side stepped.

"Not a chance in hell buddy," Joey just smiled back. The silence was cut when a bolt of lightning shattered the ceiling above them, when William had dropped the storm king, the wind had knocked the staff into he glass window, causing it to send stray bolts of magic flying in all direction's. Trapping Tempest under the debris.

"I've got to get control of that staff!" Twilight shouted. William looked up at the staff.

"Hmmm." He rushed past them, and began to scale the pile.

"What is he doing?" Applejack asked Joey. He didn't respond. Watching as William clambered up the pile in the winds, he snatched it from it's place in the rubble.

"Alrighty then, how do you work this staff?" He asked Twilight. Before she could respond, William smacked it against the wall, and the storm above them disappeared as quickly as it had appeared.

"Hm, I like this thing, eh, I like this more." He held up a Glock in the other hand. And climbed back down from the pile. His boots hit the ground, he raised the staff, and began to examine it. A grin began to form on his

"Hmmm, maybe if I, nah..." He stepped forward and tossed the staff to Twilight.

"You're welcome." He smeared. She turned around, and stuck it into the floor, right where the other 3 Princesses where situated. It let out a Flash of light, crumbling the stone away from the Princesses.
"Twilight!" Celestia gasped. William watched the whole scene unfold from the corner. Piece by piece, the castle was repaired. He looked back outside, and saw that the same was happening with the city, all the Storm king's work was coming undone.

"This was to easy..." He murmured to himself. William noticed that Joey was waving for him to join the others. Instead, he just sat down where he was. Looking down at his Glock, he ejected the magazine, catching it in his hand, and reinserting it, before sliding the pistol back into the holster on his side. William turned away from the group. Joey noticed him.


"Wait, uh, ma'am?"

"What is it?" She replied

"It wasn't all Twilight. William over there helped us as well, heck, we couldn't have done it without him." Celestia looked over at William.

"Well, thank you for your help." William only gave a thumbs up of approval in return.

"Trust me, coming from him, that's the best, you'll ever get." William heard this, and cracked a small smile. He watched as they concluded their celebration's, and began to leave.

"You commin'?" Joey asked him.

"Yes, I'll be there in a moment." He lied.

"Ok." Joey left. William's gaze shifted over to Tempest.


"YOU!" He stood up, walked over to her, and grabbed her by the mane.

"But I thought-"

"Whatever Twilight may have promised you, doesn't apply to you now, you messed with the wrong...well...Human? Now, that's not right. Yes, got it, QUIET KID." He set her down.

"You're letting me go?" William didn't respond at first, he thought long and hard about what to say. Finally, it came to him.

"You're one less loose end." He drew a .44 magnum revolver, and trained it right below her broken horn.


"William!" He heard Joey shout. He turned his head to find Joey, alone in the doorway, with an expression of confusion and terror on his face.

"William, don't do it, Celestia said she was free to go!" William looked at Tempest, then back at his friend.

"Alright." He smacked Tempest in the neck with the revolver, knocking her out cold.

"Not a word of this to anypony, or anyone, ever, understand?" Joey gulped, and nodded.


"Good." He stepped away from her body, and began strolling towards the door, the sun to his back. He passed by Joey, and motioned for him to follow. Joey trotted up along side him.

"Did I mention you're the only sentient creature here that doesn't drive me insane?" William grunted in response.

"This, is why I work alone." He murmured under his breath.