The Unstoppable Moron

by aegishailstorm


Black op gone wrong

Almost immediately after leaving the throne room, the main six, along with Joey, and Spike, burst into song, dragging Novo and Skystar into it as well, they were so carried away with it, that they hadn't bothered to check and see what Twilight and William were up to, that was, until the tamper alarm went off.

"The pearl!" Novo and Skystar shouted, swimming back up to the throne room.

"Alright, I've lined the chandelier with flash paper, it's made of magnesium, meaning it will burn even underwater," William explained to Twilight, who simply nodded in return. William ran a few feet of speaker cable to the flash paper, and sparked the ignition. Briefly lighting up the room in a flash of light as the magnesium detonated. William looked away, Twilight on the other hand...

"Owww! My eyes!" She complained.

"Don't worry, just blink. It'll be over soon. Look, there's your pearl," He pointed at the chandelier which appeared to be shriveling back from the pain on the flash paper and-wait, whimpering? He decided to ignore it for the time being. William gestured for Twilight to approach it, the incendiary had burned a hole into the- whatever it was, exposing the glowing purple orb inside.

"Yes," She thought to herself as she swam closer, unfortunately, the chandelier seemed to regain it's composure, and lashed out at them, entangling twilight, and grabbing William by the pantleg of his drysuit. To make matters worse, it seemed as though it had set off some kind of alarm. He cursed under his breath.

"Gahhh, get off me!" William drew a K-bar, and began hacking at the vine, thankfully, it came away after about 2 swings, he yanked his foot clear. His gaze shifted up to Twilight, who was trying desperately to reach the pearl. He swam forward to help her, i the distance he could hear the all to familiar sound of something swimming towards him.

"Damnit!"He darted away, hiding behind one of the coral support columns.


Queen Novo and the others swam into the throne room, to find Twilight, tangled in a mess of glowing vines, reaching for the pearl. Novo growled, and swam up to Twilight, snatching away the pearl.

"No, please!" Twilight pleaded.

"All of this so you could sneak in and take the pearl?!" She demanded, yanking Skystar away from the six. She looked her right in the eye's.

"This is why we don't bring stranger's into our home!" She turned back to Twilight and the other's. William watched from cover, not 10 yards away.

"You don't deserve to be one of us." The pearl began to glow again.

"####," William thought to himself, watching as a flash of purple energy engulfed the other 8 of them.


The six, Joey, and Spike broke the surface of the ocean. Coughing and sputtering of air, they swam to shore. Dragging themselves out onto the black sand's below mount Airis.

"Where's *Cough* William?!"Joey asked franticly. He looked back at the ocean to see the dark for of William break the surface, M4 drawn, he waded to shore and stepped onto dry land as though nothing had happened, swapping out his drysuit and respirator for a set of navy blue camouflage fatigues and a black combat vest. He looked a around at his friend, then back at the six, and just shrugged.


"What were you thinking, I mean, stealing their pearl?!"Applejack asked.

"It was the only way to save Equestria!" She retorted, gazing back at William. He looked back, with a stone cold expression of irritation on his face.

"Except it wasn't! The queen was going to say yes! We did what you told us, and that's what made her realize we were ponies worth saving!"

"Yes, what she told you..." William thought to himself, cracking a malicious smirk as he did. Pinkie gasped.

"Unless, you didn't want us to show her the best time ever, you just wanted us to distract her!"

"I never would have done it but this isn't Equestria! We can't just dance around with con artists, make rainbooms in the sky and expect everything to work out! It's not enough, we are not enough!" She gave William a reassuring wink.

"No Twilight, we stuck together, WE were going to get the help we needed. The only thing that stopped us was you!" William chuckled.

"Well, I'm doing the best I can. I'm the one Tempest want's, I'm the last princess!" She trotted away.

"You're the only who doesn't trust her friends!"

"Well maybe I would have been better off without friends like you!" She yelled at Pinkie. William facepalmed.

"Wow, you just summed me up perfectly," he said out loud. He watched as Pinkie dropped to the ground and began to quiver.

"Pinkie, I-"

"I just can't talk to you right now." She said, sniffling, She trotted off, Rainbow, Rarity, Applejack, and Fluttershy followed. Twilight hung her head low, and trotted off in the opposite direction. Leaving William and Joey on the beach alone.

"I-I should go..." Joey stuttered, his ears drooping, he began off toward the other 5. He was topped when William grabbed him by the tail.

"Ah hell no, you're coming with me, horse brain!" He chuckled a bit. "Always wanted to use that insult."

"You helped Twilight try to steal that pearl, you let her take the blame," Joey said to him. William stood there, speechless.

"Listen, Joey. I did that for a very specific reason, my ego prevents it."

"Oh really, then why did you stop me?!" William was taken back momentarily. This was the first time since arriving in Equestria that his friend had yelled at him.

"Listen, clearly, my version of fun involves playing god with the lives of other, and it takes a lot of self control to make sure my toys don't break, so to speak." Joey looked at him in disbelief, but nodded.

"Well, let's go see if we can't get Twilight to get her sorry flank to get us back to Equestria!" Joey shouted triumphantly. William let out a low growl of anger. They headed off to Twilight.

"Hey, William, question."

"Yes?" William grunted.

"How is it that you can keep your cool in a situation like this?"

"My ego." He responded back.

"Eh, fair enough."

They found Twilight on the edge of an overhang, sobbing and shaking uncontrollably. William spotted Spike, likely trying to comfort her, and failing. William approached her.

"I can't, I ruined everything. There's no chance to save Equestria." Her heard her say between sobs.


"Oi what do we have here?! Get your fuzzy flank off the basalt! We go work to do!" He shouted. He felt something breath down the back of his neck.

"There's something behind me, ain't there?" He rolled one eye back to get a very, very good look at the storm beast behind him, William swallowed hard. And in a flash of light, a Beowolf appeared in his right hand, making it a bit harder for him to aim, seeing that he was left handed. He could here the panicked screams of Spike, who the monster held firmly in it's grasp.

"Go to hell." He said flatly, squeezing off a 2 round burst into the beings face, it stumbled back off the cliff, clutching it's face and shrieking in pain. He heard Twilight scream behind him. William whipped around to find her in a cage, being hoisted into the air.

"Joey, look after 'em while I'm away!" Without a second thought, he jumped for the cage. Not out of wanting to save Twilight, but rather, because he knew exactly who would be up there. Plus, he hadn't yet gotten his fix of violence for the day. And addiction that, with luck, would never fade.