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// Deny or Accept 
// Story: A Dazzling World 
// by Spyder27 
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Chapter II: Deny or Accept


The night’s cold winds hit me harder than I expected at first. It’s a cold and snowy night that tends to clear the streets of cars and ponies, other than the ones that have to be there. People. I need to correct that mistake. If not for my sanity, for my intellect. My hand comes to my head, gently rubbing my forehead. My intellect is all I have left after all. Around this time, the shining decorations are being hung up in shop windows and the usual charity workers ring their bells outside of popular places in town. Of course, they’re in bright Santa Claus outfits most of the time. You can almost feel sorry for these suck ups, trying to spread charity in the bitter cold, but I feel like laughing instead. Perhaps it is the corniness of Hearth’s Warming or the bright colors, but it is one of the few things that reminds me of Equestria. No. Wait. It’s Christmas. Hearth’s Warming and Christmas are so similar that I’m bound to mistake them. At least, that’s what I try to tell myself. 
As I walk down a particular sidewalk, I see posters strung up on a lamp post. They weren’t in order, or even aligned along the post, but they had flashy colors and designs on them. Taking a closer look, I finally realize what they say and recoil in disgust. Of course these posters have the typical “Give the gift of Christmas!” and such. They always use the oldest lines in the book, when trying to sell their holiday products. One of them, advertising charity events at the Hooves Homeless Shelter, even said  ”Make your life a happy one by helping those in need.” It is all one big scam. Ponies helping each other to have happy holidays and a good life. Some deal that is.
People. I keep making that mistake. Knowing my luck, this stupid species would end up changing their name right as I get used to calling them people. Either way, it still makes me want to vomit when I read this sappy stuff. I’ve seen too much of it in my life. If I had my powers, I could make everyone forget about this holiday. Alas, no such luck.
The sidewalk has a thin layer of ice formed over it, making it hard to grip onto the ice with my dollar store boots, though I suppose that comes with the territory. When someone shops at a dollar store, they should expect cheap materials. My arms shiver slightly due to the cold. I wish I still had scales. Then maybe I’d have some protection over this unforgivable frost. Before I could think more about the cold or about how sappy those posters are, a man stops me in my tracks. 
“Hello, Miss! Would you care for a sample of homemade eggnog?” This man isn’t technically new to the neighborhood and I have already gotten tired of his act. Every week, he has a new product to sell. Trying to make his way in the world I suppose? Either way, I don’t care for it. 
“Save it. I’ve already heard your bullshit. Move along.” I move around him roughly as he follows me.
“But it’s all homemade materials too! And organic! It isn’t made with dairy products and-” Before he’s able to finish, I stare into his eyes and grab the glass of eggnog he was holding, only to throw it down to the ground a second later.
“I said save it! Just go back to your tiresome routine and leave me out of your useless life, okay, pest?” Turning back around, I walk forward, leaving him to clean up the pieces. His face told me that he finally understood, among other things. He isn’t the only one who tries to sell me things, but he’s by far the most annoying. I guarantee that even after I yelled at him, he will be back with another product in the next couple of days. If I could, I would move far away from here. This neighborhood seems to drag you in and never let you out again, with drugs and alcohol affecting the residents. At least I’m not addicted to both of those, but it would still be nice to have a drink right about now.

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The air starts to get colder now. I suppose it makes sense due to the time. Almost everything is worse at two in the morning. The cold air seems to sting my now red cheek and I sigh, gritting my teeth. Why did she have to come see me today? I was completely fine before she showed up, but now I have to deal with the hate for her again. Not only that, but she hit me. Who does she think she is? Storming into my life and trying to convince me that I need happiness or such. I don’t need friends. I don’t want the life she has. 
Sunset is always trying to get in the way, either to prevent the actions of others or to help someone else have a ‘good’ life. It’s funny considering that she isn’t exactly the best person either. Hypocritical almost. I never asked for her help, but she still tries nonetheless. It’s one of the things that makes my blood boil. The fact that she thinks she’s better than me. If it wasn’t for her, the friends she loves so much would have been long gone by now and I could be at the top of the world, but here I am, working like a mortal to earn end’s meet. 
As I walk across the icy sidewalk, some of the decorations begin to turn off and the lights of the stores have already gone dim in the windows. I suppose it isn’t abnormal, but it still puts me on edge every night it happens. I often have to walk home in the middle of the night, though the cold is a new obstacle. The one store that stays open all hours of the day around here is Halo Bakery. Obviously, it has a bunch of angel decorations, but the main attraction is that one could go get pastries in the middle of the night. Assuming they have the money for it. 
I usually have to walk past Halo Bakery to get home, and it never fails to annoy me. Walking alongside the windows tonight, I see there’s three or four cookies that have christmas themed frosting. There’s also the typical sugar cookies and brownies. But then there’s the “golden goose” of the shop. At least in my eyes. Sitting on the far left of the second shelf in the window is the treat that haunts me every night. A cherry cheesecake slice is easily the best food in this mortal world, but I’ve only tasted it a couple of times in my human life. I suppose it’s easy for someone to go into the shop and buy a slice, sit down and enjoy its taste. Though, with my income, I’m not sure I could afford it. I don’t necessarily have a bad wage, but it’s just enough to get me by with my bills. Nonetheless, this cheesecake slice makes me stop at the window each night. I should just keep walking, though, it’s hard to look away at times.
I start to feel my saliva collect and try to drip out of my mouth, causing me to wipe it away instantly. Damn it. Just keep walking, Adagio. Look away. My feet take a couple steps, before my stomach growls. I have bread at home, so it’s not going to matter much anyway. Though, seeing the few happy people inside the bakery makes me sick. Enjoying their treats and eating them too, I suppose it really gets to a siren. 
Swiftly, I walk around the bakery and walk down the sidewalk into a street with no lights on. Like it or not, the apartment complex I live at doesn’t have basic security features like street lights. “Great,” I sigh, hearing the usual running of strays. They probably run away from the sounds of my footsteps, but the sounds in general meant that someone hadn’t locked the gate and I would hear their cries for the rest of the night. I groan for a moment and shiver from the cold again. It is usually about a 150 foot walk from the gate of the complex to my own apartment. Even if my muscle memory helps, it may take a bit of walking around to find the right door, given how dark it is outside. 
Maybe it’s just the fact that Sunset visited me at my workplace, but something feels off about this whole day. I could just be letting my hate get to me and color my whole perception of the usual walk home, but it still causes me to stay as close to the buildings as I can when I walk. Usually, there are no sounds for this walk other than perhaps police sirens in the distance, but tonight, I hear something… The hairs on the back of my neck stand up as I hear running footsteps behind me. The steps are rapid and out of sync with one another, but before I can turn around, a rush of pain surges through the back of my head. Did something just… hit me? My vision starts to turn to black as I fall to my knees. No. I have to stay conscious. What just happened…?

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Sweet Celestia… My head is pounding. I can’t seem to hear anything. Did I drink too much? Or maybe take too much Tylenol? Though, wherever I’m laying feels cold and hard. I slowly let out a couple of groans before opening my eyes. Apparently, I’m lying face down on the sidewalk with nothing but ice touching my skin. The freezing ice burns my skin or at least feels like it. I can’t help but groan slightly to myself. What happened? Dragging my hands to my sides, I feel for any sturdy enough places on the ground to push myself up from the ridged ice. I think I was walking home, right…? Maybe I… Wait. My hand slowly lifts up to my hair and feels it, running the strands in between my fingers. My hair has the same hard texture when you pour a sugary drink in your hair and let it dry or if you just got back home from a long day at the pool. I… I think I was hit? My mind still feels fuzzy, but I finally pull my face off the ice and open my eyes fully. The reflection I see in the ice makes me jump slightly, gasping quietly.
My face stares back into my own from the reflection in the ice and I immediately see a couple of things wrong. Underneath my nose and on my upper lip is a lot of dried blood, but the second issue is that my left cheek had quite a bit of swelling on it. Most of the nightclub patrons wouldn’t like to see me like this. Why am I even thinking about my job? Clearly, my face is injured and I’m worried about my job?
It seems like I probably fell on my face from… being hit on the head? I try to shake my head slightly, only causing the migraine I have to hurt more. Fortunately, my hearing is starting to come back and my clothes don’t seem to be ripped or in any disarray. My purse, on the other hand, is on the ground with its contents scattered across the sidewalk around five feet away from me. Slowly, I stand up, supporting my body by holding onto the hood of the nearest car. Again, my reflection shows up on the car’s hood, showing how my face’s injuries looked after probably hours in the cold. I grit my teeth and hit the hood of the car slightly, not making any sort of dent. Of course it happens to me. I’ve only ever been robbed once, but it was my apartment that had been ransacked. Now, looking at the contents on the ground, my phone and the few tips I had gotten that night are gone. It’s surprising that the damned gun is still here, considering that it’s probably worth more than the phone I had. Why does this happen to me? I could have prevented this if I only had my power back…
My grip on the car’s hood slips and I fall down on it, scraping my arm in the process. It doesn’t matter anymore. These stupid injuries I get. Nothing matters. My job, my apartment, my phone, a damn cheesecake… My life… 
No matter how hard I try to hold them back, I start to feel tears welling up in my eyes. If I’ve lost practically everything else, I might as well also lose the little dignity I have left by crying in public. Crying itself is despicable. A siren needs to hold her head high and make those under her bow down. But here I am, crying on the hood of a car in the middle of the night. Maybe it’s all not worth a damn. I mean, if this is how I’m supposed to live, then what is the point? There is no point…
Gently, I wipe the tears off my face, still stinging my left cheek slightly. At this point, my legs hurt from the constant cold concrete and kneeling in front of a car. This has to be the worst day I’ve had… ever…? Clearly, it’s even more disgusting that I, a siren, let myself cry over this. My snivels continue, no matter how hard I’m trying to stop them. I open my eyes for the first time in what felt like ages, my tears blurring my vision. The first thing I can make out, though, is that gun I took from the nightclub. Maybe… Maybe I’m right. Maybe life isn’t worth it anymore. A siren should be able to demand anything she desires. I have clearly failed at everything a siren should be, so what’s the point, Adagio? 
With tears still streaming down my face, I crawl over to the revolver on the ground. I pick it up slowly and look at its design, inspecting for any ammunition it may have. Two bullets. My reflection in the revolver’s shiny exterior shows up much clearer than the ice that previously showed my condition. It’s shameful to see the face staring back at mine, seeing the once beautiful siren who ruled over Equestria is now just a bruised and broken shell. All those dreams of being the top of all living creatures are now buried in my mind. My only friends left me. No… I am the one who pushed them away. I’ve let my heart freeze and it’s only my fault that I’ve failed so miserably at this chance for life. How can everyone else be so happy?
My fingers rub the cold and smooth exterior of the revolver, rubbing the dirt off. Maybe my mind hopes to see a better reality this time around, but it remains the same as before. My fingers instantly spin the revolver’s cylinder, stopping it at a random socket. Moving the gun up to my mouth, I positioned the tip of the barrel up against the roof of my mouth. With everything that’s happened so far, I deserve this, don’t I? Maybe my life has been pre determined to lose and the finish line should come short. No matter how hard I try to stop, the tears won’t stop flowing and I can only hear my own sniffles now. The night is so quiet. Would this gunshot be the only noise all night? Would it even change anyone’s daily routine…?
No, it wouldn’t. No one would be affected. No one would miss me. I’m powerless, but worst of all, I’m alone. I really lost everything because of my own actions and now life keeps kicking me down. I am not only a failure of a siren, I’m worthless.
I pull the trigger.

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The sound of laughter and mild chatter fills the air of the bakery, slowly turning into arguing and angry yelling. The gem around my neck glows a mild red as it always has, but I slowly sigh from the small energy boost. Again, it’s only like an appetizer. My fingers grip the gem loosely and I look up at the only other sirens I know. Sonata is burying her face into tacos as usual and Aria looks pretty annoyed. Again, nothing is out of the ordinary, at least, for this world. It isn’t a comfortable living situation, but we’ve gotten by easier than I expected at first. 
The problem is that these people have so little magical potential or energy. The only thing I can say about these creatures is that they seem to be mildly intelligent enough to understand speech and concepts. Though, it could always be my imagination that they’re not complete morons. If we could get just a little more magical power, then everyone here would have to bow to our whims. Perhaps, we could even gain enough magic to go back to Equestria and throw Princess Celestia off of her throne. 
“Adagio,” Aria says sharply to me, clearly annoyed. It snaps me out of my daydream of ruling Equestria, unfortunately.
“What, Aria?” I respond in an equally annoyed tone to her, taking a bite of my cherry cheesecake. Out of everything these creatures have made in this world, cherry cheesecake is possibly the only good thing. I have no idea if this treat is also in Equestria, but if it is, I regret not trying it earlier in my life. All these centuries, I could have made everyone submit while eating this delight. I would make ponies make them for me whenever I wish. That would be the dream. 
“When are we going to leave this dump? I’m bored. Besides, we’ve already drained everyone here.” Her eyes avert mine and opt to look at the trees outside the bakery. Her hand plays with one of her twin ponytails, entertaining herself in any way she can.
“Can’t you see I’m eating?” I ask with a heavy tone to my voice. Perhaps if I annoy her enough, she will leave me alone for once. She instantly laughs at my statement and looks at me in disbelief.
“You? You like this mortal food? I know Sonata can’t take her mouth away from tacos or whatever, but you like it too? Jeez, we can easily survive by absorbing everyone else’s magic.” Her hand grabs the menu and throws it in my face with just the flick of her wrist. “Look at this! It’s all a bunch of crap, Adagio.” Her laughter continues as my grimace only grows.
I have to hold back the urge to yell at Aria, but my emotions are still shown on my face. Grabbing the menu myself, I slam it on the table and stare at Aria with anger in my eyes. “I’ll have you know that this delicacy is one of the only things I still enjoy out of life. It’s about equal to our magic in terms of importance to me and I will take my time enjoying it, Aria. If you don’t like that, then you can go outside. Got it?” Sonata’s eyes look up from her many tacos and darts between the two of us, clearly confused. 
“Do you guys want a taco? I think it could help you feel better! Or or! I could go find some candy for you all?” Aria grunts annoyingly and stands up from the table, giving us both an angry look.
“Whatever. I’ll be outside if you two need me.” Aria quickly walks away from the table, just short of stomping on the ground, walking past the arguing patrons of the store and seemingly slamming the door. Though, the door is far enough away that the sound couldn’t be heard over the customers. I sigh happily, finally able to relax and eat my treat, until Sonata stares at me. Sonata’s curious eyes make it seem like she has a question or two to ask me, or she wants to know if she could do anything to help me feel better. Whichever of the two, it annoys me.
“What?” I take a bite out of my cake, savoring the taste before looking at her again.
“I um… I think we’re all annoyed about being booted from Equestria. But don’t worry! I’m sure we can gain our magic back and we can all be happy together.” She smiles widely to me, taking yet another bite of a taco. “So, how about you apologize to Aria and we-”
“Can you please shut up? For once in your life?” I ask starkly and interrupting her sentence. Just when I think I got rid of one annoyance, I have to deal with another. “Just once, let me enjoy a time where I don’t have to hear your mindless prattle and Aria’s constant complaints.” I look away from her and resume eating my cake. Hopefully, she will listen to me and stay quiet for a while. Sonata looks away from me for a moment before she puts her taco back down on the table and stands up, her head drooped down. Quietly, she walks the same path that Aria had taken a few moments before past the other patrons of the store. I’ll probably have to apologize to her at some point, but right now it doesn’t matter. I hardly ever have time without the two of them and I cherish the time to think to myself. It’s as close as I can get to my previous power. Gently, I take another bite of the cherry cheesecake.

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The gun’s hammer hits back into its original place and the trigger clicks back. I can feel the night’s cold breeze brush against my face, cooling the tears. As I pull the gun’s barrel out of my mouth, I can’t help but cry even harder than before. With two bullets, it is a one third chance that it would fire. I suppose my actions are always going to disappoint me.
Slowly, I try to wipe away my own tears, pushing myself up onto my feet with my other hand. I still want to pull the trigger again. Maybe I should test my luck. Though, is it really lucky to live as a worthless failure…? Gently, I lean down and pick up the scattered contents of my purse, seeing the slight blood on the ground where I was lying earlier. I wish I could live a better life. After organizing my purse, I put the revolver inside and wipe down my face one more time. I can’t tell what time of the night it is, but it is surely much later than I want it to be. If death is a relief from life, maybe I am being punished even more by failing that stupid shot. The worst part is that my last thoughts before pulling that trigger are the ones of me treating my only friends badly. They left me for a reason and I finally understand it.
I take my first few steps in what feels like days down the sidewalk. It’s probably because I was hit in the back of the head, but it is still annoying, trying to walk home tired. At least, the only home I can actually call my own. Everything is so cold tonight. Not just the physical weather, but the actions of everyone around me. The only people who like me are the customers at the nightclub and that is just superficial. If I had my power, I could be happy. I could be happy in life. I just want to be happy…
“You can be happy too, Adagio.” My feet quickly stop moving as I hear that line again, in the back of my head. Sunset came to see me, of her own free will and told me that. The person who ruined my life told me that. How dare she… treat me with kindness? Why would she do that…? She’s the only person who tried to be nice to me… What did she gain?
My eyes look up at the moon as I think about my visit with Sunset. My life is just going downhill steadily. Nothing is changing for the better and even I can realize that most of it is my fault. Maybe… Maybe Sunset is right.