//------------------------------// // 1313:10 // Story: They're EVERYWHERE! // by Nameless Narrator //------------------------------// 1313 tilts his head at the silliness of that all. “That’s so stu-” The necklace around 1313’s neck heats up, clicks, and everything goes white. However, a flash of light is all that happens. “-pid,” finishes 1313 through gritted teeth. A second later, the necklace clicks again and drops on the floor, followed by a dark chuckle by a voice that’s faintly familiar only to 1313 but right now he can’t place it. “The hole?” the infiltrator blinks. “Mhmmh?” mumbles Zamira. “What?” Torchlight glares at the servant whose eyes roll backwards as she collapses on the floor, “No, that was the right incantation and process.” With a flash of emerald flames, 1313 is free as the limbs grasp in vain for his shapeshifted legs, in his changeling form, and rushing ahead as quickly as a changeling overloaded on love can. Before anyone can react, he’s by Zamira’s pillar and bites off a limb holding her foreleg. Another, and another. “MHMMMPH!” Zamira suddenly yells. With a limb in his mouth, 1313 can’t react in time. *Crack!* The impact shakes 1313’s whole body. Love or not, he’s not a type of changeling built for durability. When his vision clears, he’s lying spread-eagle on his back in a pool of blood. The love coursing through him allows 1313 to quickly close the cracks in his chitin and smooth out the horrifying dent in the side of his barrel, but at that point Torchlight’s hoof lands on his chest and pushes down, cracking his freshly recovered armor. “Come on, heal up again,” Torchlight eases up on the pressure. Above him, the ceiling starts shattering, pieces of it flying upwards into a sky that’s purple and red like a fresh bruise. Where the moon would be only hangs a bleeding eye of queen Chrysalis staring straight down at them, “I’ll show you how pleasant it was when that damn bug stomped on me as I was almost through the rift.”  1313 heals, just to buy time. He doesn’t know what he’s waiting for. Maybe Zamira will escape now that he bit off some of the limbs holding her. Maybe she has something else in her saddlebags. Maybe- “AAAAARHHGGH-” he screams as Torchlight stomps straight down through his lung, his scream cutting off and turning into a gurgling wheeze. The worst part is… that he can survive it. No one around his rank, even with love, would be able to heal damage this catastrophic without guidance from a high rank. Whoever his jigsaw genetics came from, though, definitely wasn’t bound by that. Torchlight steps off of him with a smirk. “You might not fear death, bug, but I will teach you to fear pain.” As he raises his foreleg to stomp down on freshly healed 1313 again, a silver beam of bright moonlight falls on the two and, to the changeling’s surprise, makes Torchlight back off with a furious growl. Through the light, 1313 can see five shadows descend around the retreating “unicorn”. 1313 pushes himself backwards before gasping in pain as he stands up. Healing in his case doesn’t exactly mean immediately getting rid of all effects of previous torture. Bat ponies? Three of the bat ponies wearing Nightguard armors look familiar, but 1313’s first concern is Zamira now being crushed by the limbs sticking out of the pillar. He rushes towards her again and sees her sweat and her muscles bulge under the unreal strength of the nightmarish limbs. One more flash of green from his mouth later, he starts biting off the ones choking her first. They’re tough and 1313, simply put, isn’t. However, limb after limb eventually loosen their grip along with 1313’s teeth breaking off and rehealing every time he has to take a second to put them back in. When only the final few remain around her hind legs, Zamira can finally drop on all fours and free herself. Exhausted 1313 gives her a smile dripping with goo and resembling a train track. She looks at the teeth scattered on the floor. “We’ll gather those later,” she gives him a peck on his nose which he appreciates despite it feeling like a knife running through his fragile muzzle before approaching the Nightguards and starting to recite the litany as the dreamcatcher-shaped marks over her body start glowing again.  Post-transformation, 1313 has no marks on him, so he starts gathering his teeth now just in case the Nightguards don’t let him do it later. Surrounded by Nightguards, each pointing a foreleg casting a brilliant beam of light at him, Torchlight grits his teeth. “Bat ponies using magic,” he growls, “Why didn’t a single mind I know about ever show me this?” “Some secrets don’t leave the Nightguard,” hisses Sharp Biscuit, “And some responsibilities can be bestowed only on the certain few.”  Torchlight forces a laugh and, with a violent roar, takes a step towards Sharp who has to back off and grunt when faced with irresistible force. “No matter,” Torchlight sees it and keeps pushing and pulling against the beams, “Your dreamkeeper isn’t here and you will run out of power soon enough. You. Can’t. Stop. Me!” Like a rabid dog on chains, Torchlight suddenly lunges at Sharp and is stopped by the other four Nightguards changing positions behind Torchlight and pulling him back as hard as they can. “We’re not here to stop you,” wheezes Sharp with a sudden bloodthirsty grin, “We are just a distraction.” Torchlight looks around.  1313 looks around. Zamira stops chanting and looks around. Nothing happens. Something was definitely supposed to happen. “You’re just bluff-” says Torchlight before being interrupted by Sharp. “I SAID WE’RE JUST A DISTRACTION!” Sharp calls out loudly. In response, a squeaky voice answers along with one final, smaller, beam of light shooting down from the sky: “Comiiiing! Sorry, sorry, sorry! These armor clips got stuck on my fins and the helmet is still a bit too big so I had to grab some cardboard and and goop-” “No…” Torchlight’s eyes go wide when he turns to face the small changeling drone landing at the center of the new beam, “Not you…”  1313’s jaw drops. The drone isn’t wearing cardboard armor like at the Summer Sun Celebration, but a real, fitted Nightguard suit. “Almost so cool. Almost. Timing and everything,” says Pink Sunset, shaking his head as Torchlight is just staring at the drone, frozen. A Nightguard mare whose body is covered with glowing tattoos similar to Zamira’s markings speaks out: “Like you, monster, every creature obeys its nature and needs an outlet,” her beam brightens as it pushes stunned Torchlight to his knees, “And our newest member has been denied its outlet for a while now,” she grins sideways at the drone, “65536, dig your heart out!” The words fail to have the desired epic effect, as 65536 gives her a confused look, asking: “Are you sure, Miss Glimmer? I think that’s one of the bits I really need inside me at all times.” Steel Glimmer denies the laws of gravity and facehoofs with her free leg… somehow. “IT WAS A FIGURE OF SPEECH,” she points at Torchlight, “DIG THAT GUY!” As 65536 lunges at Torchlight, the dreamweaver can only scream: “No… NOT THE LASER PLUSH RIDING BUG AGAIN! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” 1313 breathes out, enjoying the catharsis of watching Torchlight go through the equivalent of getting thrown into a blender turned up to maximum. Some kind of mantis-like creature tries to break through the open wounds and grow into a larger size, but that’s pretty much lost as its chunks get indiscriminately flung everywhere by the digging drone flailing all four legs without much coordination. Soon, all members of the serving staff, frozen in place by Zamira’s powder, drop to the floor, unconscious. The ceiling returns, and most signs of the waking nightmare vanish albeit, unfortunately, the rotting chunks of changelings aren’t among those. “What was that about the laser plush?” asks Steel Glimmer. “I’m not sure,” 65536 scratches its helmet, “I think I recall having a really weird dream about Not-Blue… but it was when I still had the big headaches.” “I’ll explain it over some drinks,” Sharp shakes his head, “Bladehoof, call for a clean-up. Deep Dark, find a paladin to properly scan this place. Pink, Glimmer, 65536,” he walks over to sitting 1313 who looks up at him, “We’re taking ‘Blueblood’ here to the castle.” “I’m coming with you,” Zamira walks over to 1313 with an expression that clearly states - I’m superglueing myself to that changeling if I hear a single objection. Sharp gives her a raised eyebrow before nodding. “I wouldn’t have it any other way. Pink, grab the changeling. 65536, hop on my back.” “I can walk just fine,” objects the drone. “That was an order, recruit. We’ll be moving fast and-” “No need to explain. You had me at order, sir!” 65536 puffs out its chest and salutes, flinging remaining gooey mess from its hoof all over its helmet, “Oh holes…”   As Pink Sunset slings 1313 over his back, Zamira looks at 65536 furiously cleaning its hooves and head. “Aren’t you a bit short to be a Nightguard?”  “I’m tall in huggability!” 65536 beams at her, “Hey, you’re the funny stripey lady from the Celebration! You tried to boop me and kept missing,” 65536 rises on its hind legs and pokes her nose, “Hee hee. Boop!”  *** Canterlot castle throne room. As they enter, 1313 reassures himself that will be glad if he never sees the place again. Now, if Zamira keeps his secret he should be okay now that the explosive collar is gone. Chopped off head should be survivable if they don’t bury him, Hanging a changeling isn’t really a thing, and anything else that doesn’t leave him burned to a crisp might only end up with him getting out of Canterlot in pieces that just need picking up. Pink Sunset lowers him on the floor with surprising amount of care and leaves alongside 65536. Only Sharp Biscuit, he, and Zamira remain in front of princess Celestia sitting on the throne, clearly having been roused from the bed. “Your Highness,” Sharp starts talking, “This changeling has replaced your nephew. We discovered it while we were searching for the unicorn who tried to assassinate 65536.” Celestia only nods. “Thanks to him and Zamira who seemed to be working together, we were able to track down a certain unicorn mercenary going by the name Hazard Pay. If you ask about his current whereabouts, I will categorically deny knowing anything and refer you to Princess Luna’s orders. All I have to say about the matter is that he will never become a repeated offender.” Celestia sighs. “I really have to explain to Luna that things changed during her exile. We can’t just be doing extrajudicial killings anymore. Nevermind, keep going, Commander.” “Steel Glimmer and Night Hunter followed these two and faced a dreamscape monstrosity bleeding into our world through a maid mentally tortured to death by a creature Luna calls a dreamweaver. Finally, we used them as bait to lure in the dreamweaver and thanks to 65536 we were able to destroy it.” “You destroyed a dreamscape monster in the real world without using magic? One of the most dangerous ones on top of that.” “Yes, Your Highness. It seems that changeling drones are capable of that. Even Luna was shocked by the fact when it happened the first time.” Celestia blinks in surprise. “The first-? Ah, some stranger points of 65536’s confused storytelling are becoming clearer. Thank you, Commander. I will have a chat with 65536 later,” she looks at 1313, “As for you, changeling, on one level I’m happy that you managed to get to the bottom of my task. I admit that after I gave it to you, I expected you to flee the city.” 1313 tilts his head. “Wait, you knew I was a changeling?” Celestia nods. “As much as I loathe it to admit it, you were… too good of a pony to be my nephew. With such a big change in character right after the changeling invasion, I grew suspicious but our detection spells and alarms were in their early stages plus, as I learned later, 65536 was the one triggering them at random times before we knew about it. That’s why I called on Hufeisen, one of the very few ponies who knew about changelings in detail. The entire weekend training exercise was to identify you.” “And you didn’t identify Torchlight as a freaking evil nightmare parasitic mantis monster?!” 1313 raises his voice, finding the strength to stand up. “Only you were under direct supervision,” Celestia shakes her head, “Dreamscape isn’t a domain of paladins or even old witch hunters,” when 1313 sighs and slumps down again, Celestia adds, “Now that you’re here I am going to ask directly - where is Blueblood? The only reason I didn’t send the guards to fetch you was out of fear of you harming him or leaving him stashed somewhere-” “1313 HARMING BLUEBLOOD?!” Zamira practically screams at Celestia, “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA ABOUT THE DEPTH OF SWINEHOOD YOUR NEPHEW IS?!” Three pairs of eyes lock on Zamira. “I would advise you to very carefully reconsider your words,” says Celestia slowly, “I know Blueblood is far from a paragon of virtue but-” “BUT NOTHING!” Zamira stomps right under the raised dais with the throne and glares at Celestia, “That bastard outfitted 1313 with an explosive collar and forced him to take his place while he ran off to some holiday resort so that he wouldn’t have to deal with anything related to the invasion! Most of the staff knows it! Most of the staff even know how to trigger the damn collar! Everypony knows that if he could get away with it, he would have put something like that on every single pony that has to deal with his remarks, groping, and attitude. The only reason why my bodyguard unit still serves there is that his father pays leagues better than anypony else in this damn city because he knows what sort of an asshole Blueblood is!” she looks at 1313 and sighs, “Ahh shite… I guess there goes my early retirement bonus.” Celestia looks at Sharp, her face unreadable. “Commander, I know my power over the Nightguard is extremely limited, but may I use your services?” “It depends, Your Highness,” replies Sharp openly. “You’re going to stay here while we listen to the whole story these two have to tell. Afterwards, I’m going to give you several addresses and you’ll check them out. If Blueblood is staying on any of those… well, just let me know.” Sharp smirks. “I believe I’ll be able to spare a Nightguard or three for some light recon.” “Thank you. Now, change- what is your name or rank?” she asks 1313. “1313, Princess.” “Now, 1313, how about you and your unexpected friend tell me everything from the start.” “Before that, can I ask something?” 1313 rubs his neck. When Celestia nods, he continues, “Do you have any idea why the necklace didn’t explode?” “I can’t say, but I do believe I now understand why Hufeisen kept snickering after he told me about your identity. As mostly earth ponies, manipulation of enchanted items was core training for witch hunters,” from the corner of her mouth, Celestia adds quietly, “That old ass…”  Zamira and 1313 exchange glances and the zebra shrugs. “So, this buggo crashed through Blueblood’s roof-”