The Unstoppable Moron

by aegishailstorm


Don't Stand There

The hot air balloon chrashed onto the rockey shore line of Mount Aris, the 9 of them stepped out of the wreckage. Looking up at the mountian towering before them. William groaned.

"Since I clearly can't trust any of you, I'll take point." He Manifested an M4A1 into his hands, bringing it to his shoulder, and began advancing towards the mountain.

"Hey William, don't you think you shouldn't you know... stroll into the capital of our potential allies gun's blazing?" Joey asked him.

"I never said anything about going weapons hot, this, is just a precaution." Joey looked at him, worried, and back tracked to the six. He stood at the first set of steps leading up to the summit.

"Well, I'm glad they were smart enough to add in some stairs." William remarked. He kept moving foward, Joey, spike, and the six kept pace with him.

For once, he wasn't in a perpetual state of anger, unlike the six, he loved the cold, and fog. Heck, the weather reminded him of Humbolt county in northern California. This was soon ruined by the prospect of having to scale flight upon flight of stone steps, and Rarity's complianing.

"That's it, I simply cannot go on!" She cried out, far below him.

"SHUT UP!!!" He yelled back down the mountain side, so loudly that it sent bird's flying from their perches.

"We're almost there!" Rainbow called down.

"How the hell did you get ahead of- oh... that's right, magic!" William looked ahead of him, climbing the final flight. He stared briefly at the giant stone archway that arced across the entrance of mountain's summit.

"Well, we're here."

"Hippogriff's, here we come!" Applejack shouted.

William walked into the city, Rainbow Dash flying about 20 feet off the ground to his side. Looking around, the somewhat grandiose appearance of the cities entryway way replaced by foggy, moss covered ruins.

"Are we sure this is the right place?" Rarity asked.

"Yep." He checked his compass briefly." This is the right place."

"Is anypony there?" Applejack called out.

"Welp, this place looks deserted.. But than again, they could all just be hiding." William pressed his head up against one of the nearby walls.

"Nope, it's definitely deserted." He added.

"This doesn't make sense... Celestia...the map. They have to be here!"

"Well, to bad! I don't give a #### if Celestia was wrong or not, I'm not leaving this place without a souvenir, and a well earned rest. Some of these deserted building's look pretty comfy. " William chuckled. Twilight glared back at him.

"Something bad happened here, something turned this place into a ghost town." Fluttershy began to tremble when Spike said that. William looked closely at the stone statue Spike was standing beside. He brushed away some of the moss.

"Hmmm... these look like scorch mark's." William's explanation did nothing too calm Fluttershy's nerves. He was abut ready to start yelling at her for cowardice, when something strange, yet not entirely unexpected happened. William began to hear what sounded like... singing?"

"Ya'll hear that?" He asked the group.

"It's coming from in there." Twilight gestured to a cave opening in the cliffside, the entryway was partially collapsed.

"You first." Joey insisted.

"Why? do you ponies know something I don't?"

"No, we just don't want to get blasted by whatever's inside." Joey told him, in a vain attempt to reassure him. William looked back, skeptically, and stepped into the cave entryway, switching into his riot gear, he pulled out an MP7, folding back the stock, he switched on it's under barrel flashlight, and began walking into the cave.

As William and the other's made their way though the narrow passage, the singing began to grow louder, William came to a small overhang, below him, was a massive fountain, with an equally missive lotus flower in it's center, behind it was a massive mosaic, engraved with symbol's, at first, they weren't entirely clear to William but as he stepped closer he realized that they were the 'cutie marks' of various ponies. He shivered a bit, there were still a few Equestrian terms which made him feel... uncomfortable to say the least. They stepped down into the chamber. To his surprise, Pinkie came bouncing down ahead of him. She caught one of her hooves on a step, sending pieces crumbling away.

"Ah, what was that!?" A voice called out from inside the flower, a glowing form jumped from it into the water.

"Oh, wait up!" Pinkie called back, she jumped from the stairs, straight into the massive fountain, a solid 30 feet. William face palmed, so much for stealth.

"Pinkie!" The group shouted, they galloped down the steps, and jumped into the fountain in an attempt to find their friend, to William's anger, he found Joey rushing forward as well, he just barely missed his mane. He stepped into the fountain alongside the other 7 of them.

"She's gone." Pinkie came up from under the surface.

"Wow, what a shame, by the way, Is it just me, or do I feel a strong sense of Deja vu about this place, hmm... I've got it! And- oh... I wouldn't stand there if I were you. They began to hear clanking from underneath the water.

"What now?" Twilight asked. The center of the fountain split open, pulling the massive flower down with it, it began to form a whirlpool sucking them down alongside the water.

"William, help!" He began to run forwards, but by the time he was at the base of the fountain, they were already gone, alongside most of the water. He stopped for a moment to collect himself, as far as he knew, they were either dead or dying down there. Groaning in irritation, he scratched his forehead with a Kevlar glove.

"Well, ####, I suppose it's up to me to go and get 'em. Ah, I swear, sometimes the perks of living in Equestria just aren't worth it." He manifested up a length of repelling cable at his feet, and hooked it to a nearby statue, making sure to give it a firm, firm tug upon doing so, he'd heard his fair share of nightmare inducing stories about climbers who's ropes failed on them. He did not intend to be one of those people. He fastened it tightly to his carabiner, and after slipping on a pair of waterproof climbing boots. waded out into the fountain, he peered over the edge, where his 'companions' had disappeared. He drew a glowstick, cracked it. and dropped it into the abyss below. After about half a second, it landed with a loud splash.

"Great, water, a gun enthusiasts worst enemy, aside from politicians, luckily for me, I love swimming!" Swapping over to a set of naval diving gear, he looked down, manifested an spp-1 sidearm into his hand, racked the slide, and, only after switching on his headlamp, and running through a few basic check to make sure everything was working. And began repelling down the side of the shaft, after about only 20 feet. He reached the water. Sure he had gone diving in open ocean, and occasionally in mountain lakes before, but dark cave's under ancient castle where a whole noth-" He shook his head.

"If Capt. Price from call of duty can do it, so can I!" He plunged into the dark water.