//------------------------------// // Chapter 222 - What to do about Jimmy? // Story: Dadonequus Discord (Book 2) // by CrazedLaughter //------------------------------// “So, what are you going to do with him?” You asked. The scene was a wild one. Discord clones in firefighter outfits were pouring out of portals with extinguishers, hoses, and even swords and shields to fight the fires within the casino. Turns out the fire itself was a grease fire, so using K class extinguishers was actually the way to go… How retarded. Discord himself stood next to you in a fire chief’s suit, roasting a marshmallow over a fire as the three of you observed Jimmy sitting in a cage, broken and defeated, and no longer speaking. You still laid on top of Yona, your spine still out of commission. “That’s the question, isn’t it? What to do, what to do…” Discord said as he brought the flaming marshmallow to his mouth and stuffed it in, stick and all, as he pondered and chewed. “I’m going to guess you’re not going to be okay with keeping him here, correct?” Wut?! “What kind of question is that?! Of course I don’t want him here! He’s fucking insane!” Yona agreed, unsurprisingly. Jimmy’s ruthlessness and insanity had left an impression on her, to the point even she thought he was irredeemable. “Yona, agree! If ‘fucking’ word means a lot. Then Jimmy fucking evil to keep here, he try to hurt Yona and Anon very badly, Yona never see anycreature so crazy and evil before.” “Language, please.” Discord said as he reached over and boredly fixed Yona’s damaged horn by simply tugging on it with his talons. “That word is a naughty word and I’d rather it not leave this place, if only because there’s a possibility of me being blamed for it instead of Anon.” “Dammit, Discord! Who cares right now?! Are you going to send him away or not?! He’s too strong to be sent to Tartarus, so he needs a one way trip to that tentacle dimension you were going to send me into.” Yeah, fuck that. You were not going to let this one slip by. You screwed up with the Storm King, you will not fuck up with Jimmy. He needs to go. “Hmph, with all these callbacks cooking in the oven, I can swear I can almost smell a dimension where a well behaved Anon was adopted by the princesses.” Discord said to himself, shuddering at the thought, detesting it. “How disgusting. But, ah yes, right… Fine. But just to let you know, I still feel I can win a good ga-” But you cut Discord off right there, as both you and Yona shout out ‘Just do it already!’ right at him. “Yeesh! You don’t even want to relish the moment with a goodbye, or mocking him… Something?” “No.” You said, giving Discord a hard stare. “Just do it.” “Wait, what?!” Jimmy said as he stood up in his cage, overhearing the conversation and suddenly filling with fear, “You can’t just send me away like I’m some scrap of rotten meat!  We have a long history together! I’m practically your main nemesis! Anon, are you really willing to throw me out just like that?! Won’t you miss me?! I’m Jimmy, dammit! I keep your life interesting, you can’t just get rid of me just like that!” You narrowed your eyes towards him, and pointed at him as you spoke with hatred in your tone. “Fuck off, Jimmy. This isn’t a fantasy, a television show, or a movie. I’m done playing around and being manipulated by monsters like you! You’re gone, period. You’ve outstayed your welcome. Do it, Discord, come on!” “No! NO! This can’t be it for me! Discord! You can’t do this! DISCORD! You can’t just do it! YOU CAN’T! If you get rid of me, then you’ll have to live with the fact that no matter what, you’ll never be able to get one over on me! Can you live with yourself?! Huh?! Can you handle that?!” Jimmy screamed out crazily, fearing for his very life. “You know, a part of me can’t…” Discord looks at his paw good and hard… Then rips it off and tosses it through the bars of the cage. “There we go, you can have that part since I won’t be needing it any more. Goodbye, Jimmy, and make sure to cover your rear.” Discord said as he raised his talons for a snap. “No! NO! DON’T DO IT!” Jimmy shrieked as he began to ram at the cage, trying to break free. “I DON’T WANT TO GO! I D-” But before he could say anything else, Discord snapped his talons, sending Jimmy and his casino into the void as the walls stripped and pulled back to the way things were, as the three of you found yourselves in the living room. The Discord clones also began to disappear one by one, the fire going along with them. “Well, that’s that. Not the most climactic conclusion, but it’ll do.” Discord said with a shrug as he opened a guitar case that appeared out of nowhere, that had a new arm for him in it. He then attached it to his stump, and gave it a kiss. “What happened? Yona confused, everything house now, what happened to casino?” Yona asked as she looked around in wonderment.  “It’s gone, thank Christ. I never want to go through anything like this again. This was too crazy, even for me.” You said as you laid on Yona’s comfy back, even beginning to cuddle onto it for comfort. “Yona also glad. Anon adventures too crazy for Yona, Anon adventures too crazy for anycreature. Yona have new perspective, and never want to go on Anon adventure again. Yona now knows why Anon the way Anon is and… Oh! Anon, the project! The project!” Yona began to giggle to herself. “This not real! This all fake for project! Like town with Yaks! Too crazy, it can't be real.” “Was it? Wait, then did we not even save the house?!” Oh, goddammit! Yona was right! None of this was real! Your horn was still gone after all, it was just another test! “Mmmmnnn, ‘fraid that ain't the case. This is indeed, real. Then again, isn’t that a good thing? We have the house back, Jimmy is gone, and all is right with the world.” Discord said as he looked forward, arms to his sides, as he let out a satisfied sigh. “Uhhh, what about my horn? If this is real, what happened to it?” You asked, wondering what could have happened to it. “Oh, right, your horn. Well, it was left in some sort of box with a red button on it marked ‘emergency’ near the fountain in Ponyville. I thought it looked appetizing so I took it and plopped it in the ole chaos hole. If you want it back, I can just…” Discord suddenly stopped as his eyes rolled back to the back of his head. His body then began to become pimply and grotesque, his tongue sticking out and rolling to the ground as it turned green and gooey. He lurched forward, and began to heave harder and harder, making Yona step backward in fright. “GAH! What Mister Discord doing?!” Yona said, trying to stay away as green goo started to burst out from his sides. “Holy crap! Discord, stop already! Fine, can you just do this in private and send it to me later?! Geez, I don’t even know if you’re screwing around!” He had to be! And given how fucking gross it was, you’d rather just get the damned thing back when he felt like it so you didn't have to see whatever this was... And so he could clean the damn thing first. Discord instantly went back to his original self as the goo seeped back into him in an instant. “Alright. I was about to get it out, but I guess you don’t need it just yet. Well, I need to get to fixing this place up, it simply is too trashy and unlivable for anypony at the moment.” …It looked exactly the same. “Fine, alright. But I need that horn soon, I got some stuff I gotta take care of.” And boy, did you. You needed one charge in case whatever Cozy needed your help with required a quick spell, and then there was Ocellus. Oh yeah, you were going to nip that in the bud. Though, er, that’d be all three charges for the day. And you kinda need one to fix your spine. “Oh, oh! Wait! Mister Discord, Yona notice you fix arm. C-can you fix Anon, please, since he not have magic horn? Y-yona hurt Anon, Y-yona not mean to be bad about it, Yona thought Anon easily fix Anon’s body.” Yona asked, looking rather apologetic about it, knowing what she did was wrong now, and that she shouldn’t have gone by Silverstream’s words. Discord gave her a dark grin as he stretched out and wiggled his talons and paw digits. “Oh, I can do that, it will be my absolute pleasure.” …NO!  NOOOOOOOOOOOO! “Wait! I don’t want to be fixed!  I can do it my-GAH!” Discord immediately plucked you from Yona’s back and placed you on a counter that suddenly appeared in front of him as he donned a chef’s outfit. “OH GOD! OH GOD NRWEGDFGFDG” Suddenly, he raised, then smashed you into a thin circle with a giant mallet, in one quick smash. “GAH! WHAT MISTER DISCORD DOING?! YONA SAY FIX! NOT SMASH!” Yona said in utter befuddlement and surprise. “That's-a what I’m-a doin’” Discord said with an Italian accent as he swiftly picked you up and began to toss you in mid-air as you continued to scream. “You-a just sit and-a watch, Discord do-a good here.” He said with a light hearted chuckle.  He continued to toss you up as you screamed. Finally, he caught you and placed you back onto the counter as he began to knead you, slowly forming you back into your old self as you went from screaming to… Cooing?  “Anon! Anon, is Anon okay?!” Yona asked, utterly fucking frightened for your well-being. “G-guhhh…. Y-yeah, ohhh, right there… Oh, this… This is actually really good.” Holy shit, Discord was suddenly giving you the five star treatment as you began to fully take shape. “Ho ho, Discord do-a good, yeah?” Discord said as he continued to knead along your body. “Y-yeah… I… I never want you to…. Woah…. Er, never stop…” You said in a dreamy like fashion, sitting there with half glazed eyes, just moaning from how relaxing it was… Up until you suddenly found yourself on a pizza oven spatula. “Wha-huh?” “You-a cook now 'til ready. Discord gonna serve-a you up really nice” Discord said as an oven suddenly appeared in front of you. Before you could even scream, he slammed you in and kept you there for a moment before pulling you out. Yona tried to bite and pull at him, but all she did was end up charging right through him, unable to stop him at all. Discord held the spatula so he could get a good look at you. You stared at him with an angry stare, your body working but toasty, and you spat out a ring of black smoke at him. Obviously the fire wasn’t fatal, and it didn’t even hurt too bad… But it was still a dick move. “He-a done.” You said nothing as you hopped down back onto the floor, and shook your body about to get rid of the soot and cooked parts of your body that began to chip and fall off, leaving you in a pristine and clean coat. “...Okay, we’re done. Yona, are you alright? You okay?” You asked as she just laid there, her mind absolutely drained from the experience. “Yona want to go back to room… This too much, even for Yona.” She said as she laid there. Hmmm, actually, thinking about it, this may not be a bad thing. She was too mentally preoccupied with the situation to think about the situation with Ocellus, which meant she’d most likely not immediately go to her to tell her what transpired. Which meant you could deal with her yourself without her knowing what was up. “Ah, well, er, we should meet up later then, or uh, tomorrow morning to iron out our… Uh, presentation. Do you want my Dad to send you back to the school?” “Yes, please… Wait, Yona meant-” But before she could finish, Discord snapped his talons, sending her back. “Pft, she actually thought I was going to waste my time wasting a gag on her. How was I going to top this? I’ll tell you, I wasn’t… Not because I can’t, but because I didn’t feel like it.” Discord said as he licked the tips of his talons. “Mmmm, that’s a-good.” “Yeah… Look, Discord. Uh, look, this whole Jimmy thing. I… Fuck man, we really can’t let something like this happen again. You know what I mean, I’m being serious here. He nearly killed the both of us.” You said to him as you sat on your butt and looked back to rub a hoof along your spine. “...Like, at this point, I’m just ready to just blast any villain that shows up.” “Hmmm, despite the fact they may be redeemable? Mmmm…” Discord, you thought, was suddenly going to mock you or call you out on some sort of hypocrisy. But he just went over to his big green recliner and sat down on it, letting himself lean back and rest. “Well, I suppose in the face of awesome powers like ours, if they refuse to see the error of their ways, then we can deal with it ourselves if Twilight hasn’t made the scene to blast them with rainbows.” Discord then looked to you, and he actually looked worried. “Things went that badly?” You sighed, and walked over and hopped up onto the couch, letting yourself rest. “You have no idea. He had everything planned out, Discord, he was using every trope in the book. The only reason we survived was because you never dealt with your train fire.  Thanks for that, I guess.” “Hmmm…” Discord rested his head on his paw, as he actually began to go through a bit of self reflection. “But I let myself get hot and bothered enough to create this situation in the first place. Honestly, I came as soon as I did because somewhere in my wonderfully chaotic head, I understood the situation was serious. Although, as it turned out, you managed to gain control of the situation by turning the situation against him. You figured out he owned my little fire and made him renounce the casino. Good work, really, I’m impressed.” Discord said as he gave you a slow clap. “Now, given nothing else went your way, I can’t reward you with anything monetary. But I can say  I’m honestly glad you’re alright, and that I’m indeed proud of you, Anon. Of course, if you’re going to mention this to Fluttershy at all, I expect you to keep me out of it. Actually, don’t mention it at all, she’d probably do something horrendous if she knew how much danger you were in… And you know, ended up….” Discord ripped out his own spine from his back, and snapped it in half in front of you to show you a visual representation of what happened. “This” “Discord… Look, usually I’d get angry, or something. But… you’re owning up to it to me and I… I’m not really any better… We both screwed up. Should have gotten rid of both him and the Storm King the moment we had the chance.” You said, realizing your own mistakes.  “I have to agree, the trouble they caused has backfired on the both of us. Chaos isn’t exactly fun when you’re the one suffering through it all.” Discord raised his paw and suddenly spat out your horn, he then had it hover over to you, where it still dripped with his drool. “Here, just take it, no gag this time around. I’m afraid I’m somehow not in the mood.” “Uhhhh… Thanks…” You just took it, and could feel his saliva just oozing on it. You didn’t have your saddlebags on you, so you had no place to put it, so you sighed and put it around your neck, you’d get it washed with a double teleport. To like, teleport the saliva somewhere as you… Dammit, no… You needed the charge. And besides, you had your portal door back, you could just use that and wash the horn in the town fountain. “Hey, Discord. I gotta go, but can I ask you a serious question before I leave?” “Only if you don’t expect a serious answer.” Discord said as he gave you a sly smile. “Heh, I mean… Look, we’re always going to be friends, right? I know I’ve been mad at you a lot lately, and uhhh… You've been kinda a... Yeah. I… I just wanna know if we’re cool.” You actually were kind of worried to hear his answer. Would he answer seriously? Would he ignore it? Send you away so he didn’t have to answer? Discord let out a quick chuckle and smirked at you. “Somehow, Anon, I don’t think I actually know the proper procedure of not being friends with those I truly care about. If we end up breaking up the band, that’d be entirely on you… Or Fluttershy…” Discord suddenly bit his talons hard on that, sniffing deep at the thought of it. “...And I really hope that none of that happens.” …Geez… “Discord, bro, no matter what, I don’t think it’s ever gonna happen. Alright? We’re chaos buddies, forever and ever and ever!” You told him with a big wide grin. Discord just looked at you with a disgusted look. “‘Forever and ever and ever’? Ugh, I think I figured out how to stop being friends with you, because that was awful and I can't unhear it.” You just gave him a sudden sour look and began to focus on going up the gravity stairs into your room. “...Right… Why do I even bother? Goodbye, Discord” Discord just grinned and waved at you "Goodbye, Anon. Have fun!"