//------------------------------// // The Result // Story: The Chocolate Job // by GTthe4th //------------------------------// Trixie lowered the binoculars over her eyes and held a walkie-talkie to her mouth. “This is Best Pony calling Equalizer and Underminer; report in.” “Underminer present!” Pinkie’s voice squeaked over the other side. “Yeah, I wish you’d given me any other name except the one that totally isn’t a reference to my villainous past,” Starlight grumbled. “Way to be a supportive friend.” “Tr--ahem, Best Pony thought it was quite clever,” Trixie replied. “So did I~!” Pinkie sang. “Don’t patronize Best Pony…” “Look Trixie, I don’t know where Pinkie got these things, but I highly doubt anypony else is listening in,” Starlight remarked in an annoyed voice. “Besides, we’re three of the most recognizable Ponies in Ponyville, fake names aren’t going to change that. Just get on with it already.” “Oh sure, you can go save Equestria a dozen times--” “It was one time.” “--But the minute Trixie decides to have a little fun--” “You were there by my side!” “--You decide to rain on her parade!” “Awww, there was going to be a parade?” Pinkie whined. “And nopony told me? Shame on you, Starlight, for telling the Pegasi to pour rain on Trixie.” “Pinkie, that’s no--” “SHAME!” A bell rang somewhere in the distance, signifying 10 PM. “There is no parade!” “Focus, you two,” Trixie warned, bringing up the binoculars again and staring at the Castle gates. “The guards are changing again. Starlight, move in!” Starlight sighed over the line. “I still think this plan sucks.” “Trixie thought you agreed to it?” Trixie asked. “I agreed to the heist, not the plan; there’s a difference.” Trixie rolled her eyes. “Do you want the chocolate or not?” “You’re asking me this NOW?” Starlight deadpanned. “And is this a general question for everypony?” Pinkie asked. “Because I for one would LOVE--” “Pinkie, get to your position and wait for Trixie’s signal.” “Yes ma’am! One drill, coming up…soon, that is. Heehee!” There was silence for a moment, followed by her asking, “Just, um, what's the signal?” “You will see Trixie’s face in the sky.” “Naturally,” Starlight snarked. “Okie-dokie-loki!” With a click, Pinkie’s line went dead. “Are you done?” Starlight asked after a moment. “Are you in position?” “Yes, have been for some time now. The guards are either crazy, blind, or deaf, or a combination of all three, because somehow I’m like three hoof-lengths away from them and they still haven’t noticed me or heard me talking. Twilight might be smart, but I think her brother taught her how to save on her money a little too well.” “Ha-HA! Yet another foolish mistake from a foolish, treat-hoarding Princess! Score another one for the blue-collared Ponies!” Trixie cackled. “...Trixie, have you been spending time with Tree Hugger again?” “Enough talk, let’s heist!” Starlight rolled her eyes and shut off her walkie-talkie, putting it away in a satchel at her side. She moved a few leaves from the bush she was hiding in away from her face, peering out at the four guards nearby. It was as she said, the guards were stupid. Shockingly handsome, but stupid. “I shall take this shame to my grave…” Starlight muttered, crawling out of the bush from behind and standing up. Putting on a false smile, she waltzed up to the guards and waved. “Yooooohoo~!” As if by magic, every ear attached to the guards perked up, and their eyes went wide. Starlight giggled (while mentally facehooving) and fluttered her eyelashes. One guard’s jaw dropped. “You boys wouldn’t mind it if I stepped inside, would you?” she asked with a lilting voice. Trixie, I swear to Faust, I will spend whatever years I have left on this world in getting payback for this. And then I will find a way to become the Alicorn of Time just so I can do it all over again. A fifth guard opened a slot in the gate and peered through. Unlike his cohorts outside, this one narrowed his eyes in suspicion. “Sorry ma’am, but Princess Twilight has orders to keep all Ponies, Dragons, Yaks, Kirins, Alicorns, Donkeys, Mules, Deer, and every other creature under the sun and moon outside of this castle. The aforementioned list includes you.” “But I live here,” Starlight informed him, stepping closer. “Orders are orders, ma’am.” Starlight gave an exaggerated pout. “So that’s it, then? After all I’ve done for Equestria, saving it from the Changelings, becoming Twilight’s trusted student, and doing so much around town, this is how I am treated? A mare can’t even roam the halls of her own castle?” “It’s not your castle,” one of the outdoor guards corrected, only for the other three to leap at him and shush him. “Orders are--” “Orders, yes, you’re a good little soldier, I get it,” Starlight sighed, turning away (and mentally cringing again). “Well then, I suppose if I am to be kicked out, I must become a hermit, ever wandering the wastes of time and space alone. Unwanted. Forever. A lone, lonely, lonesome loner.” “You could just ask for a room at the inn tonight,” the inner guard offered with a shrug. “Not that hard.” “Inn’s full.” “Derpy’s place?” “She has family over.” “Trixie’s wagon?” “She’s…busy.” “Berry Punch’s bar?” “Closed.” “This early? Dang, she must’ve hit the hard stuff again…what about Applejack’s?” “Too far.” “You can teleport.” “You can let me in.” “Orders are--” “Oh, for Pete’s sake!” one of the outside guards roared, spinning around and tapping a hoof against a green crystal by the door in specific places. “Broken Record, I’m opening the door.” “You’ll do no such thing!” the inner guard yelled. “I’m not gonna let some poor mare sleep in the streets, not even for one night,” his cohort retorted, pressing his hoof against the crystal one last time, causing the door to open and Broken Record to fall flat on his face. Starlight smiled and stepped over Broken Record’s fallen body, giving the helpful guard a slow, sly wink. “Thank you, you wonderful stallion.” He gave her a goofy grin and a salute in return, while his fellow guards rolled their eyes. Starlight walked slowly into the Castle foyer until she was out of sight, and then she promptly groaned, braced herself against the wall, and slammed her head repeatedly against it. “This. Plan. Sucks!” she murmured with each slam. After she had blown off enough steam, she set down her saddlebags and pulled out a form-fitting black suit and mask, putting them on. She then slung a coil of rope over her shoulder, as well as a bandoleer of smoke bombs. Finally, she grabbed a cupcake from the bag…and ate it in a single bite. The plan might’ve sucked, but she was grateful that Trixie decided to pack some cupcakes for each of them. “Starlight, you in yet?” said Trixie over the line. Starlight pulled the walkie-talkie out and growled, “Yes, Trixie, I’m in.” “You still sound very annoyed.” “Well, what did you expect, I just paraded myself in front of four guards like I was some prom horse.” “The Saddle Arabians wouldn’t like you.” “The Saddle Arabians…would be right, that was uncalled for,” Starlight admitted. “And what’s this I hear about a parade?” Pinkie asked, joining in. “Pinkie, there’s no parade, go back to radio silence!” Starlight hissed. “Awww…” Click. “Just stick with the plan, Starlight. Trixie is almost in position now, and once she is, she will be joining you soon.” Starlight heard the sound of a blowtorch being lit over the radio, followed by metal being sheared off. “And until then, I just need to go around and deliberately spring every trap I see as if I was an idiot,” Starlight muttered. “Great plan, Trix, gotta love the attention to detail in making me the assistant while you get all the chocolates.” “We each have our roles in life, Great and Powerful Assistant.” There was a clang as Trixie said this, followed shortly by another. Starlight shut off her walkie-talkie with a repressed hum of frustration and went back to work. Walking down one of the corridors leading deeper into the Castle, she saw the first rune Spike sketched into the floor. Rolling her eyes skyward and praying for strength, she stepped on it. A warning siren sounded throughout the castle, and she took off in a full sprint down the corridor. Hidden party cannons and guards sprung out from the walls, all aiming at her and firing. Pink slime balls shot at her from all directions, exploding at her hooves and the walls of the corridor as she ran past them. As she ran, she saw a black spot on the floor, and her eyes widened as she skidded to a stop and hastily cast a teleport spell. She blinked out of existence for a moment and then reappeared down the hall, just in time to see the hidden landmine explode in a shower of pink goo. She did not want to know what that was, or where Pinkie got it from. “Iron bars are now removed. Beginning insertion into the backside door now,” Trixie called over the line. “Please phrase that another way!” Starlight roared as she continued setting off traps and alerting guards. “You’re doing great, Starlight, just hold them off for a little bit longer,” Trixie replied nonchalantly. “Trixie is on her way to the throne room.” “You better be, I’ve got pretty much all of the guards on my tail right now, and Pinkie’s goo cannons are blasting me from all sides!” “That doesn’t sound pleasant.” “It really isn’t! The next time you’re planning a heist, do some better recon in what we’re up against, I don’t want to deal with Pinkie’s slime covering my body again.” “Starlight…” Pinkie said. “What, Pinkie?!” Starlight cried. “Phrasing!” Pinkie finished with a laugh. Many decades later, Ponyville historians would still be talking about The Great Glimmering Scream, and how it sent the entire Castle of Friendship flying into the air momentarily like the Golden Oaks Library before it. Many arguments and theories would be made over what caused it, or why every Unicorn in Equestria had the sudden urge to have equal signs on their flanks at that moment, but what could be agreed upon was that the light show that followed it was spectacular. Discord had reportedly declared it to be “the most heartwarming attempt at an early birthday present anypony had ever given him”. She was a statue. For several hours ever since Starlight’s trip across time, Twilight refused to move from her spot. She had chosen the optimal position for observing each of the four entrances to the throne room at the same time, keeping her eyes open with Starswirl’s No-Sleep-For-You spell, while simultaneously moistening them with her own Watering Eyes spell (patent pending). The runes she had inscribed at the base of each door hadn’t been tripped yet, but she knew it was only a matter of time. Somepony had been setting off all the others throughout the Castle, but still she didn’t move. There would be no distractions, no interruptions, and no mistakes this time. A bead of sweat slid down her forehead as she stared at the Cutie Map, the invisible box of chocolates having not been moved. Every five seconds she cast a scanning spell to make sure it was still there. She, of course, had not counted on the heavenly scent wafting from the box. She had ignored it at first, of course, but after two hours of staring and hardly breathing, she couldn’t help herself. Her stomach growled again, and she hissed in response. She wouldn’t give in. She had to see this through until the end. She had to last until midnight. Another siren sounded in the halls outside, and her eyes briefly darted to the right before widening and returning them to their former positions. She recast the scan and breathed a sigh of relief when it confirmed that the box was still there. Still, she wondered who it was that was causing all that ruckus, and why her guards hadn’t taken care of it. Or Spike, for that matter. Just where was that drake? “Spiiiiike?” Twilight called. A concealed trapdoor opened up moments later, and a helmeted Spike poked his head out, hastily packing away the comic book in his claws. “Yeah, Twilight?” “Can you see who’s setting off all the traps?” Spike blinked at her. “You don’t know?” “How could I, I’ve been here.” “You didn’t cast an exterior scan spell?” he wondered aloud. “I would’ve, but I’m already keeping up four ward runes, a shield spell, at least a dozen spells for keeping me awake and alert, an illusion spell, an invisibility spell, and a timed scan spell. One more spell and I’ll probably suffer from mana burn severe enough to potentially put me in the hospital for thirty years,” Twilight said, giggling to herself and muttering something incoherent. “...How long have you been standing there?” “What time is it?” “About 10:30 PM.” “I’ve been here for fourteen hours.” “Wow, that must suck.” Twilight nodded. “It really does.” “Do you need anything?” “Hayburger; need fuel for the tank.” He saluted. “Yes ma’am!” Then he paused and added, “Oh, and from what I’ve heard, the intruder is Starlight.” Twilight nodded. “Good, good, I’ll take three, with extra mayonnaise.” She then blinked and, before wondering how she even managed that through her spell, she gasped. “Wait, Starlight?!” Spike nodded, writing down her order. “Yup. You want fries with that?” “Yes, medium sized. Now, what’s this about Starlight?” “She’s dressed in a black suit, with rope and smoke bombs,” Spike replied, rolling up the scroll. “My guess is she’s robbing you, Trixie’s with her, and Pinkie’s probably hiding somewhere.” “Okay, Trixie I get, who else gave her the bombs, but Pinkie? The one who sold me all the traps?” Twilight exclaimed. “How and why?” Spike rolled his eyes. “The prize is the best chocolates in the world, and she knows how to get past the traps, and Starlight knows this. Why else is she the one tripping all of them while Trixie sneaks in from somewhere else? Even the ones she hasn’t seen before?” “...You know, in hindsight, this wasn’t my greatest plan.” Spike chuckled. “Eh, I’ve seen worse. Any drinks?” “Yes, espresso. Actually, make it a double, I need it.” Starlight reached down to her bandoleer, only to find it empty. In her haste, she had used up every smoke bomb she had in order to keep escaping from the guards. She had nothing left and, to her annoyance, Twilight had set up anti-teleportation wards and had locked her and any other Unicorn out of the spell matrix to rewrite it. Clever little Alicorn. Clever, and at the moment, entirely the subject of Starlight’s undying frustration. “Stop right there, Miss Glimmer!” yelled one of the guards behind her. Rolling her eyes, Starlight sat down and put up her forehooves. Contorting her mouth and raising her voice a few octaves, she squeaked out, “Uh, terribly sorry gentlecolts, I think you have mistaken me for somepony else. This is Rarity Belle, just making an evening delivery of…black, form-fitting cloth for my darling friend, Twilight Sparkle, heheh. It’s all the rage with the mares in Manehattan, you know.” “A nice try, Miss Glimmer, and an excellent impersonation to boot. Could’ve fooled me, in fact, if not for one small detail,” the guard replied, storming towards her and pressing the tip of his spear to her back. “I’m from Manehattan, and black cloth isn’t the rage right now, it’s baby blue with porcelain white lace.” “Just my luck…” Starlight muttered in her normal voice. The guard grinned. “Relax, boys and girls, we got ‘er.” The other guards, including one very irate Broken Record, sighed with relief and began funneling back towards their stations, while Broken Record and the spear-wielding guard remained to tie Starlight up. Broken Record pulled out an anti-magic ring and clamped it around the base of Starlight’s horn, making her wince slightly. Then, after securing her with her own rope, the two of them pulled her along until they reached the throne room. Broken Record pushed open the door and proudly announced, “Princess Twilight, you can relax, we have caught the intruder. The Castle is once again secure.” Twilight, sitting amid a pile of empty hayburger bags and espresso cups, glanced his way. “Good work, Broken Record! I knew you and the others could do it. Give my regards to the rest of your team.” Broken Record bowed low. “Thank you, Your Highness.” He then pushed Starlight closer to her. “Move it, prisoner.” “I own a third of this Castle, it’s in the deed as of last year,” Starlight grumbled, but complied. Twilight sighed, still not taking her eyes off the Cutie Map and the box’s position. “Starlight, why?” Starlight shrugged. “Trixie had a plan, and it sucked, but I figured there wasn’t any harm in trying. You did kinda make two weeks of my life a living Tartarus thanks to time travel, and ruined my day off with Trixie, so pulling off a heist like this with my best friend would be a pretty good ending to it all.” Twilight frowned. “I’m very sorry about that, but you have no idea how important your errand was for me, or these chocolates.” “Nah, I think I have a pretty good idea,” Starlight refuted. “What I want to know is this: why would you wait until midnight before eating them?” Twilight hesitated, wondering how much she should tell. “It’s…a secret.” “You’re waiting for somepony, aren’t you?” Starlight guessed. “One alternate Nightmare Moon, perhaps?” Twilight’s eyes widened, and Starlight smirked. “Yeah, I figured it out. The package, using me to deliver it to her while you guarded the chocolates, all the embarrassment…this was never about you eating the chocolates, that was just a cover story. This was always about her, wasn’t it? Since when did the two of you start dating?” Twilight’s face flushed. “...Right after we fixed our own timeline, I realized that all the other alternate timelines were still around, so I decided to go back and fix them as best as I could. When I got to Moony’s…erm, Nightmare Moon’s, I actually found out that the Ponies living under her rule were treated surprisingly well, and aside from some…differences of opinions with Celestia and how she ran things, Nightmare Moon was pretty fair as a ruler, just controlling. For her timeline, I decided that changing things would just make things worse, so I instead decided to form a truce, and, well…after a few months, the truce became something more.” “Well, for what it’s worth, from what I’ve seen of her, you must’ve mellowed her out considerably. She even offered me tea when I first got there.” “What kind?” “Black.” Twilight made a face. “Bleh, gotta change that. Earl grey for life.” “Meh, you could do worse,” Starlight shrugged. “I’m dating a supervillain, how much worse could I get?” Twilight asked. “You could date Chrysalis.” “...You’re right, that is worse.” “You know what’s even worse than that?” Broken Record asked suddenly, drawing both mares’ attention. He stood upon Fluttershy’s throne, and was smirking victoriously. The second guard had vanished, and all the doors were locked down. “The fact that you’ve fallen for the oldest trick in the book, Princess! Simple misdirection, like a card slipped under the sleeve. Ah-hahahahaha!” With a flourish, ‘Broken Record’ vanished, replaced by a smirking Trixie standing atop the Cutie Map. “Behold, the Mistress of Illusions, the Illustrious Magician, the Uncontained Master of Disguise, the Greatest and Most Powerful Unicorn in the world…Trixie Lulamooooooon!” Trixie’s horn lit up with a pink glow and she fired a bolt of magic through a window, shattering the glass and sending a ball of light into the sky. It exploded after a moment, forming a smug version of her face in the sky. Twilight’s eyes widened again, and she reached out for the Cutie Map. “No! Not again!” Starlight raised a hoof. “Trixie, stop, we don’t need to steal the chocolates!” “Of course Trixie does, why else did she put the anti-magic ring on your horn?” She pointed to Starlight with a smirk. “Trixie knew that Princess Twilight was going to give you one of her sob stories, and she knew Pinkie was going to eat all the chocolates, so she improvised the whole scheme to trick everypony into falling for her trap. Tonight, Trixie feasts on sweet Germane goodness!” “I thought we were in this together?” Starlight asked, looking a little hurt. “Oh don’t worry, Starlight, Trixie will save one or two for you later. But right now, it’s time to finally win!” With a tip of her hat, Trixie dispelled Twilight’s illusion and invisibility and grabbed the box of chocolates from the Cutie Map, only to pause and stare at it. When she didn’t move, Twilight and Starlight climbed on top of the Map to jump her, only for Trixie to look up at them in confusion. “What trickery is this?!” she cried, showing them the box. It was empty. Twilight’s jaw dropped. “But I…nopony got…I…you…me…her…HOW?!?!” “I think I can answer that,” said a voice. Everypony turned to see Spike entering the room with another box in his claws. “I knew the moment that Twilight was acting strange when she received those chocolates that something was up, and that her plan wouldn’t work. It was too easy, placing the box in the most obvious place. It was like she was begging somepony to sneak in and steal them. So, while she was preparing the defenses, I took the chocolates and put them in a second box, which I hid under my bed. Nobody would ever think to look there.” “...He’s not wrong,” Starlight admitted. “Outsmarted by a Dragon…” Trixie moaned, slumping to the floor. “What has Trixie come to?” “Her senses at last,” Starlight quipped. “But how did you know my plan wouldn’t work?” Twilight asked. “Simple. Each and every time you hid the box under an invisibility spell, you kept forgetting where you put it. The only reason you didn’t forget this time was because of all the defenses you put up and your hyperfixation on it, but this time there actually were thieves trying to break in.” Twilight, Starlight, and Trixie stared at Spike, utterly aghast. “Are you serious?!” Trixie roared. “Trixie did all of this for nothing?!” “Hey, I did all the work!” Starlight argued. “Spike, are you telling me that you knew where all the other chocolates were all this time?” Twilight asked, her face growing stern. “Why didn’t you tell me?!” Spike smirked and held up five fingers, counting down. “Five, four, three, two, one, aaaaaaand…” A time portal opened up at the southern entrance to the throne, and Spike let out a snort. “Right on time,” he finished. From the portal stepped out a tall, elegantly-dressed black Alicorn with a flowing blue and purple mane of stars. Her cat-like eyes scanned the room, seeing the disarray it was in as well as the state of its occupants. Raising an eyebrow, she asked in an imperious voice, “Did I come at a bad time?” Twilight looked down at her watch and gasped, realizing it had just struck midnight. “Oh my gosh, you’re already here?!” “Where else would I be?” Nightmare Moon asked. “Your little Dragon friend Spike filled me in on the details the last time you two visited, and thanks to Starlight Glimmer’s delivery trip through time, he was able to sneak the last of the forgotten chocolates past you and into my hooves. We now have plenty for the both of us, all carefully preserved.” Twilight looked down at Spike with happy tears in her eyes, while he simply beamed at her. “Weeeell, my work here is done, back to Batmare and Robber-Boy I go. You two have a great evening.” With that, he waddled away, leaving the throne room and closing the door behind him with a wink. Twilight let out a yelp as a large black wing suddenly enveloped her. “I believe the young drake is right. Don’t you agree, my little Princess?” Nightmare Moon smirked, her horn lighting up and revealing three boxes of chocolates behind her. Twilight’s face turned beet red, and Starlight let out a laugh. Trixie, meanwhile, stamped her hoof on the floor. “Wait a second, Trixie demands compensation! She and her assistant went through all this trouble to get chocolates after our day was ruined, and by Celestia, we’re going to get some!” Twilight looked at Nightmare Moon sheepishly and then glanced at Starlight. “Uuum, Moony?” Nightmare Moon groaned. “You know I hate it when you call me that…” “Do you mind if we share?” The taller Alicorn blinked at her. “Share our chocolatey bounty?” “Well, I did kinda ruin Starlight’s day off--” “And had me hurtling through time for two weeks, where I nearly died several times,” Starlight deadpanned. “...Yeah, and that,” Twilight added with a nod. “And I kinda owe Trixie one for helping Starlight and the others in defeating Chrysalis and saving me and my friends.” “You…you do?” Trixie asked, her jaw dropping. Then she reared up on her hind legs and cheered. “YES! Ha-HA! Finally, Trixie manages a win over the prissy Princess by having something to lord over her! This is the second-best day of Trixie’s life!” Twilight rolled her eyes. “Yes, well, I think one box of chocolates for each of us should do it.” Lighting up her horn, she gave two of the four boxes to Starlight and Trixie, and then put a hoof on Nightmare Moon’s shoulder. “Now then, all’s well that ends well, I suppose.” “Agreed,” Starlight nodded, opening her box and savoring the sweet, heavenly scent that wafted into her nostrils. “Twilight, give Celestia and Cadance my regards.” “And Trixie’s!” Trixie sang, already popping one of the treats into her mouth and chewing…before promptly puffing out her cheeks and spitting it out, wiping her tongue and gagging. “Bleh, pah, what in Tartarus was THAT?!” Twilight tilted her head. “Huh?” Starlight lifted a chocolate out of her box and bit into it, before spitting it out too. “It’s baking chocolate! It’s bitter!” Nightmare Moon’s face fell, and Twilight’s eye twitched. She then spun towards the door Spike fled through and screamed, “SPIIIIIIIIKE!!!!” “Did ya get ‘em?” “Oh yeah.” A box was dropped in the large red Pony’s hooves. The Pony lifted up the lid, took out the comic books from the top, and then extracted the hidden, well-preserved chocolates from underneath. A lion’s paw and an eagle’s claw clapped together. “Bravo, young Padawan, I knew you could do it! I, of course, would’ve gotten them myself, but those anti-chaos magic wards were painful. Wonderfully-crafted but painful.” “It was a piece of cake,” Spike grinned. “Those mares keep forgetting that I, too, own one third of that Castle, and was the one who wrote down all their lists of spells and how to use them. So, we still on for Guys Night?” “Eeeeeeyup!” “Absolutely, my delightfully chaotic Dragon friend,” Discord replied, waggling his eyebrows. “We’ll meet at my place in five minutes, so bring your finest O&O sheets. Now, make yourselves scarce before Princess Brainiac and her marefriend figure out where we went.” Without a word, the Dragon, Earth Pony farmer, and Draconequus vanished into the night, the box of magazines left behind at the base of the Castle of Friendship. Meanwhile, in a tunnel underneath the Castle of Friendship, Pinkie Pie sat waiting in a large drilling machine, aimlessly tossing her hardhat from hoof to hoof. Still she waited, and still she saw no signal from Trixie, nor heard any word from Starlight. She was ready and waiting, and she could smell those chocolates already, but without the signal, she had no way of knowing-- …Wait. Pinkie froze, her hardhat clattering underneath her seat. Trixie’s “signal” was a light show…in the sky. Above ground. Where she couldn’t even see it. With a groan, Pinkie slammed her head against the drilling rig’s steering wheel, causing a horn to honk loudly. “This is, without a doubt, the worst...plan...EVER!” THE END