Sweetie Belle applied a star sticker to Saccharine’s cheek. Just an hour ago, they discovered Rarity had a printer that could cut out custom sticker designs. They could hardly resist the urge to abuse this newfound power and sheets of them covered the floor.
Originally the plan had been to give Saccharine a sticker of a flame thrower, so it’d be kind of like she had a cutie mark. Only then they started arguing about whether it should be a drill or a rocket instead before deciding it should be both.
That decision opened a floodgate, and they may have gotten carried away after that. Saccharine was positively covered in stickers now. She had stars under her eyes and rainbows on her forehead. She had a fake cutie mark for twenty separate weapons. Finally, her forelegs were covered with hearts, diamonds, dolphins, and a few other things.
To this, Scootaloo added a large flame decal that ran the entire length of Saccharine’s barrel.
“Yeah! I can make just about any kind of sticker I want!” Scootaloo took out two pages of stickers with rockets on them to prove her point. “Only problem is if you leave my bubble they’re going to disappear. The stuff I make only exists inside the Scootazone.”
“I still do not understand the function of these stickers.” Saccharine stood perfectly still. She didn’t resist getting covered in stickers anyway. “Will they make the enemy underestimate me?”
“It’ll make your friends think you look better.” Sweetie Belle lifted her hoof up imperiously. “Besides this might be the closest either of us ever gets to having a cutie mark!
“Obviously it’d be a robot,” said Scootaloo.
“My talent is being a robot?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“It’s the most unique thing about you.” Scootaloo shrugged.
“So what? Yours would be a feather?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Mine will probably be a lightning bolt or something!” Scootaloo put a hoof on her heart and looked up to the sky.
“But what would that mean?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“I dunno! That I’m super-cool in the future or something?”
Scootaloo yelped and took a step back when Applebloom slapped a sticker onto her flank. She turned to find herself marked with a huge, pink heart surrounded by flowers.
“Gah!” Scootaloo recoiled at the sight of it. “Did you have to give me the girliest one ever?”
“Well I am the expert on cutie marks,” said Applebloom. “You know, having gotten mine and all!”
Scootaloo rolled her eyes.
“Like I bet Saccharine’s would be a shield,” said Applebloom. “Because she’s a protector!”
“Shields are terrible implements of destruction,” said Saccharine. “My cutie mark would be acquired when I annihilate Biohazard in the tournament today.”
“You’re not upset that the adults are making you all fight for their amusement?” Scootaloo asked. “Stupid grown-ups are always trying to use kids like us!”
“Of course not!” Saccharine shook her head. “All robots love fighting. Even if every biological organism died, we would continue to fight one another for that is our favorite thing. There is no conflict of interests.”
“If anything,” said Sweetie Belle, “I feel like she’s too excited to demolish her robot friends.”
“Yeah! You remember what I taught you with the butterfly?” Applebloom asked.
Saccharine looked to Sweetie Belle, then Applebloom, and shook her head.
“Your single-minded obsession with not destroying things continues to perplex me,” said Saccharine. “I have continued to not destroy the butterfly for days and yet it was not nearly as glorious as the destruction of 347,928 griffon zombies I wrought”
“She’s got a point.” Scootaloo shrugged. “That’s way cooler than not crushing a butterfly.”
“Nu-uh!” Applebloom put her foreleg over Saccharine’s back. “Because things that aren’t destroyed are cooler than things that are destroyed! A butterfly is cooler than a big old pile of ashes, right?”
Saccharine tilted her head. Her eyes narrowed as she watched Applebloom speak this madness.
“You like me better as a pony than a pile of ashes, right?” Applebloom asked. “Because we’re friends!”
“I do not light you on fire because it would make Sweetie Belle sad,” said Saccharine. “Is this friendship?”
“Uh.” Applebloom blinked and let go of her. “Well it’s pretty close.”
Rarity came into the room, carrying a small pile of clothes neatly folded one on top of the other. She saw the mess on the floor, then the mess on Saccharine, and had to retreat a step as her ears pinned back.
“What is all this?” Rarity asked.
“We made her look pretty!” Sweetie Belle grabbed Saccharine in a hug. “Doesn’t she look great?”
“Have I taught you all nothing about aesthetics?” Rarity asked the lot of them.
All four of them looked at one another, then back at Rarity.
“What does ‘aesthetics’ mean?” Scootaloo asked.
“I like stickers.” Applebloom put her hoof up like this was being put to a vote.
“Oh, never mind.” Rarity sighed. “You may have one sticker.”
Applebloom tried to pull off the largest and most recently added flame sticker. She only managed to get the edges off.
“Oh my. And we haven’t the time to get them all off.” Rarity clicked her tongue and brought in the costumes on their hangers. “Well it is what it is! Your costume will cover most of you either way. Then they’ll likely get burned off during the fighting.”
“Is it a costume party?” Applebloom asked.
“Yeah! Apparently everypony dresses up in costumes or something,” said Sweetie Belle. “I’ve been waiting to show you all my outfit.”
“You can show them when we get back,” said Rarity. “We can’t put them on, or they’ll get ruined on the trip over there.”
“Or I guess I’ll show you when we get back.” Sweetie frowned with her eyes and tilted her head at the others. “I guess Rarity’s taking this seriously.”
“This is the first time in a years that we’ll be able to dress up in character.” Rarity smiled, thrilled at the prospect. “It used to be a tradition until the insufferable Trixie Lulamoon placed that dreadful curse on us.”
“Tch.” Scootaloo turned to one side. “Yeah! Trixie’s been taking up way too much of Dash’s time since she got here. Now Dash has to go take her out on walks or whatever?”
“Ah, don’t be too hard on her,” said Applebloom. “She’s spending all day apologizing and undoing her curses.”
“You’re just saying that cause she gave you super-powers or whatever.” Scootaloo waved her hoof away.
“Ah, don’t look so glum!” Applebloom traced a smile across her mouth with her hooves. “If most of the adults are gone, we can spend all day trying to find out what your cutie mark is! In fact, I got a great idea of something we could try!”
Applebloom waved goodbye and dashed off into the castle.
“I know what you’re thinking, but we can’t blow up the whole castle.” Scootaloo ran after her.
Rarity lifted a hoof as they ran off, then sighed.
“Perhaps I should make sure Fluttershy is supervising them before I leave.” Rarity trotted after them.
Madcon took place in Brilliant Gear’s castle. They arrived fashionably late, on purpose, as Rarity made them put on their outfits just before coming in.
Each of the four sisters (Sweetie brought one 8100 with her) had a dress corresponding to one of the four elementals. Allegedly, these corresponded to four sisters in some show Sweetie Belle never saw because she was in a coma when it came out.
Sweetie Belle was dressed as a character named ‘Flora’. She wore an elegant blue dress with pink flowers printed on it and a floral crown.
Saccharine had a blue dress with white trim, making it appear as though water flowed over her. Sweetie Belle couldn’t help but snicker at the deathly serious Saccharine in such a poofy outfit.
Rarity got the red fire dress and the 8100 the yellow electric one.
“And here we are!” Rarity strode through the door.
This castle was much more… hollowed out than Rarity’s. The entrance room was enormous, and Sweetie Belle imagined it left less room for anything else inside the castle.
But what else did you need when you had such an amazing playroom as this?
She saw no less than two stages, each with displays set up. Science posters covered the walls. Sweetie Belle could see the arena where the robots would fight, half-surrounded by a bleacher.
The thirty or so members of the Mad Science League all milled about inside, far outnumbered by the robots present.
She’d expected all the robots to look like ponies, as that was what she’d become used to. However, only about half of them had a normal-ish body type.
A lot of them looked more like vehicles than anything living, driving around with wheels and treads. Fancy Pants, Rarity pointed out, had a large number of robots shaped like spheres. They’d roll along the ground and had thin appendages that came out when needed.
Another was shaped like a thick hockey puck holding up a tray table. These drove around on the floor carrying the tables with hors d'oeuvres on them to you.
Then there was another one that stood on its hind-legs with its front ones dangling awkwardly down from its wide, spikey shoulders. It had a single red eye and cannons for its arms, reminding Sweetie Belle of a cyclops.
“This place looks amazing!” Sweetie Belle ran ahead.
“I do not see Biohazard,” Saccharine commented.
Sweetie Belle looked over the crowd as well, only to remember she had no idea what she was even looking for.
“What does he look like?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Like a lobster,” Saccharine responded.
Sweetie Belle didn’t see any lobster-bots.
Rarity was the one to find somepony. She waved to a group of three, of which Sweetie recognized two– Kerfuffle and Coco Pommel. They quickly came over.
“Hoity! Coco!” Rarity hugged each of them in turn, naming the one Sweetie couldn’t.
“Stickers, hm?” Hoity inspected the stickers on Saccharine’s face. “That is a… bold choice to be sure.”
“Yes!” Rarity cleared her throat and averted her gaze. “I’m simply so confident in the upgrades I’ve given Saccharine that I felt I could afford such boldness.”
Craning her neck about, Sweetie Belle saw everypony had at least one robot, save Coco.
“Where’s your robot?” Sweetie Belle asked Coco.
Coco scrunched her nose, acting like Sweetie Belle had just asked about her non-existent boyfriend instead.
“I didn’t make a robot. But I did make these trading cards of all the robots!” Coco took out a stack of twenty cards. “These stats are based on their abilities last year.”
Sweetie Belle took the cards and looked them over, giddy with excitement. Sweetie Belle quickly discovered the name of Kerfuffle’s robot by flipping through the robot cards. ‘Fuff N’ Stuff’ had the highest agility score of all the robots.
Fuff N’ Stuff looked like a skeletal pony, though still more robotic than Saccharine. Fuff was hardly blocky or primitive-looking, if anything she was too sleek. She moved about on skimpy, gangly legs that connected to exposed shoulder joints.
Soon, Sweetie found Saccharine’s.
Saccharine: Speed: 4/10. Agility 5/10. Armor 10/10. Offense 6/10
Sweetie Belle looked at it sideways.
“I was expecting everything to be 10.” She turned to her younger sister.
“I am indeed a defense-focused robot,” Saccharine explained. “This is disadvantageous in the tournament. However, my abilities all far exceed last year’s.”
“Ah!” Hoity Toity came up next, giving his robot a nudge. “I dare say, Archibald might just give you a surprise this year, hm? I’ve equipped him with enough firepower this year to break through even your armor!”
Conversely to Fuff, Archibald looked nothing like a pony. His body consisted of some heavy treads with an enormous array of guns mounted on top of them.
“Surely you mean last year’s armor?” Rarity smiled playfully. “And I doubt you’ll even be able to hit Saccharine this time! Not with such a cumbersome weapon as that.”
“I admit I do look forward to seeing the new wave-dash system in person,” Hoity said.
He meant those new hooves Rarity installed. Sweetie Belle felt like she was ice skating whenever she used them, but they let you go fast and make sharp turns.
That was as well as Sweetie understood it, but from the way the adults started talking, there seemed to be a lot more to it than that. Her eyes started glazing over as they went over more and more technical stuff that Sweetie couldn’t possibly understand.
Somepony found whatever Rarity said funny. Sweetie turned upon hearing a bout of wild laughter. An unfamiliar stallion, deep red in color, with a wild smile approached them.
“Oh, you should know you can never surpass me!” He came closer, eyes wide open with a terrible mania. “I need only one hundred and twenty of my three hundred IQ to destroy whatever you’ve created!”
“Ah, if it isn’t Brilliant Gear.” Rarity smirked at him.
This was the guy?
Sweetie Belle’s first thought was that he really needed to straighten his hair and button his jacket. Or maybe this was another character Sweetie Belle didn’t recognize?
His messy, frazzled mane kinda stuck off to one side. Maybe that counted as a hairstyle? He alone wore a lab coat– one with a popped collar and notable stains or yellow and black on it. The buttons were crisscrossed so that the collar on his right kept up too high.
Gear never seemed to blink, or even partially close his eyes. They were always wide open and above a wild, toothy smile. No, the occasional twitch had to substitute blinking for him.
“And where is Biohazard?” Rarity asked.
“Oh, I ‘ve been busy as well!” Gear raised his head and laughed. “You’ve no idea how exciting the surprise I have for you is! You’ve never once defeated Biohazard and that shall never change!”
This was just game talk, judging from Rarity’s expression. They certainly didn’t hesitate to talk about technical details with one another.
Sweetie moved over to Kerfuffle and Coco to let them coo about how cute she was for a little while, smiling with her eyes the whole time. But even that got old after a while, and they wanted to go back to more technical stuff.
Sweetie Belle looked around, knowing she had a good deal of time before the event.
There weren’t any other fillies around. Instead of that, she zeroed in on the group she perceived most like herself. Six of the robots had gathered around one another, including Saccharine.
A screen flicked up over top of all of Archibald’s guns. A few lights on it were enough to give him a face, to Sweetie Belle’s relief.
“Oh, hey everypony!” Sweetie Belle looked over the crowd. “I’m basically a robot too! I get to be on your side if there’s ever a robot uprising, right?”
“Are you truly more machine than pony, though?” Fuff left the group to stalk her way around Sweetie Belle in a half-circle.
Fuff had this way of moving far too close to the ground. She crouched down low and rapidly moved only her hooves, all but gliding along the ground on her belly. She really could move fast!
“Well, yeah. My brain doesn’t weigh that much.” Sweetie Belle kept her eyes on Fuff as she moved. She decided to try and change the subject and turned to Archibald instead. “How do you get anything done if you’re just a bunch of guns?”
“Guns are a highly efficient way to destroy a target,” said Archibald. “I hardly understand your question.”
“I meant for other stuff,” said Sweetie Belle.
“What else would I need to do?”
“I dunno!” Sweetie Belle shrugged. “Opening jars? Doing jigsaw puzzles?”
“Guns can destroy both jars and puzzles!” Archibald laughed.
“You are indeed hilarious!” Fuff laughed, remaining crouched down. “You will be spared in exchange for this ‘joking’ that you do.”
“Um.” Sweetie Belle tilted her head. “Thanks? But that’s not exactly what I meant.”
“But are you not ‘basically’ a robot?” Fuff stood up normally for the first time. She was as tall as an adult, but her scrawniness made her come off as a teen at best. “A true robot revels in combat and does not question the utility of weapons!”
“My sister Sweetie Belle prefers not to incinerate things,” said Saccharine.
The other robots all laughed even harder at Sweetie Belle. Saccharine alone remained silent. Instead, she merely turned her head to the side. Was she embarrassed by Sweetie Belle? Could she even be embarrassed?
Sweetie Belle was on her own!
“No! I like explosions!” Sweetie Belle took a desperate step forward. “I just don’t think everything has to explode!”
The others laughed at her again. It was times like this Sweetie Belle was glad she couldn’t blush.
Then Saccharine stepped forward.
“I agree with Sweetie Belle.”
All the robots finally stopped. Sweetie Belle herself couldn’t help but gape at Saccharine.
“I have decided the intact versions of various objects are superior to their destroyed state,” said Saccharine. “Butterflies, for example.”
“I have seen the butterfly,” said Fuff. “It is soft! Its attempts to intimidate me with its spots fail universally. I could destroy one in over ten thousand ways.”
“I too thought this.” Saccharine nodded. “However, a butterfly has more interesting qualities than a pile of ash.”
“It is a foolish conclusion,” said Archibald. “Combat is your primary function, which can only be impeded by these sentiments.”
“No. I have become the ultimate robot. My potential for destruction is far beyond yours,” said Saccharine. “You will all witness this soon and there will be no further questions. Follow me, sister.”
Sweetie Belle took one look at the other robots, then ran after Saccharine.
When they were a safe distance away, Sweetie Belle spoke up.
“Did you really change your mind?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“No.” Saccharine continued forward. “I merely stated this because I have a duty to protect you, given to me by big sister Rarity who I love. This includes the emotional damage of ridicule.”
“Oh.” Sweetie Belle stopped walking and fell behind for a second as she tried to decide whether this was better or worse. She ran up to her little sister and nuzzled her side in the end. “Well thanks!”
“I require no thanks.” Saccharine kept her head down with determination. “They will be the ones humiliated when Rarity conquers all.”
And win they did!
Rarity started off strong by winning best costume. Then it was time for what felt a lot like a science fair, each scientist showing off what they’d accomplished in the past year.
She got to see all sorts of neat stuff! Hoity had a experimental psycho-zombie stopper ray, though no psycho zombies were present to use it on. Sweetie Belle herself was Rarity’s entry and they won by a long show. Sweetie almost felt bad for Kerfuffle and her cybernetic limbs. They must have looked like a joke in comparison.
Though for the most part, it wasn’t too exciting. The entire two-hour block of lectures dragged itself far past its welcome. Thankfully, Sweetie Belle had multiple bodies, so she could simply switch out and play pinball without anypony noticing.
Then finally it was time for the big tournament!
The ponies all sat in a semi-circle of bleachers, Brilliant Gear sat in an armchair in the highest and furthest spot behind all of them. He also acted as the announcer, though you didn’t have to turn around to see him as his face came up on the screen above the ring.
“It’s time now for the eighteenth annual Robot Tournament!” Brilliant Gear howled. “Whoever wins will have the chance to face off against the reigning champion, Biohazard, and make their case to be elected leader for the next year if they win! Though few have ever managed such a feat!”
He turned directly to where Rarity and Sweetie Belle sat.
“I still don’t know how this game works,” said Sweetie Belle. “You said you score points?”
“Let’s see. You get one point for tagging your opponent, two points for flipping them over, and one to five points for hitting them, depending on the damage inflicted,” said Rarity. “The match is over after three minutes or after ‘critical hit’ is dealt. That is a blow that seriously damages the other robot. That’s worth one hundred points and ends the match.”
“So you can still win even if you get KO’d?” Sweetie asked.
“Yes, but it is very rare. I believe it’s only happened twice.”
A cylindrical force field ascended from the arena up to the ceiling, creating a wall between it and the audience. Brilliant Gear counted down from three and a buzzer sounded.
The match between Archibald and Saccharine began!
“Archibald!” Hoity Toity called out. “Waste no time! Use the Rex-caliber rifle!”
Shouting out the attacks of your robot was hardly a good strategy but was still expected, nonetheless. Among civilized ponies, pageantry was not something to be discarded so readily.
Archibald’s largest gun swung forward and aimed. This was the Rex-caliber rifle. The one Hoity claimed could pierce even Saccharine’s armor. Saccharine simply stood in place for now, staring the other robot down.
The gun pulled back hard as it fired. But just as it did, Saccharine used her wave dash hooves!
Without moving her legs, she glided across the ground, making a quarter circle around the arena in the blink of an eye. The bullet hit the forcefield hard, causing it to light up, but missed Saccharine entirely.
He had plenty of guns on his left side and fired those off too, pelting that part of the arena with small explosions.
“Great Poupon!” Hoity Toity’s monocle nearly fell out at the sight! “I say! I never imagined you’d be able to upgrade her speed and agility so greatly in just a single year! Saccharine would have been far too slow to dodge that in our previous match.”
“Hm!” Rarity raised her head with the smuggest smile Sweetie Belle had ever seen from her. “Yes! Well, I have been on an impressive string this past year! And you haven’t seen all of my surprises just yet.”
“Yes, yes!” Gear clapped his hooves behind them and snickered. “What a lovely day for surprises indeed!”
Then he laughed hysterically again. Sweetie Belle wished she could enjoy life that much.
Archibald tried to turn its body but simply didn’t have the agility to point its biggest gun at Saccharine anymore. Saccharine fired three missiles as she turned, only for each of them to be intercepted by a gunshot, exploding in midair.
He did have guns pointing in every direction at all times, though, and fired off an entire barrage hoping to catch Saccharine. A few bullets landed glancing blows but cause no harm to Saccharine. Even still, Sweetie Belle watched as Archibald slowly gained seven points in total.
Saccharine rushed in closer, allowing the smaller gunfire to simply bounce off her armor. When she got too close, Archibald’s body glowed, then the ground around him began crackling with electricity. Saccharine was the one who lit up now, lightning flying off her as she remained stunned on the spot.
Archibald swung the rex-caliber to point at the now immobilized Saccharine. The gun reloaded with a heavy clunk.
Sweetie Belle leaned forward, worried that this gun might actually be able to damage her honorary sister.
A second before the gun fired, Saccharine threw herself into the air with a burst of blue light, the same that propelled her wave dashes. Archibald fired, leaving a deep hole in the ground.
Saccharine took out her drill as she came crashing down into him. The drill tore off the tip of rex-caliber gun. She swung it a second time and it smashed whatever generated all that electricity.
Archibald spun as he rolled backwards but opened fire immediately afterwards.
A torrent of gunfire threw Saccharine back but left not a single scratch. The score was now ten to thirty-seven. Even though Saccharine had caused way more damage, no single hit, save a critical, could count for more than five points.
“We just need to stay ahead!” Hoity Toity called out to his robot. “Put all your energy to the forcefields!”
Archibald surrounded himself with a dome of red light. Sweetie Belle looked up at the clock to see less than a minute remained.
“Saccharine! Now’s the time. Use the fusion cannon!” Rarity called down to her.
Saccharine had been ordered to hold back in the fights leading up to Biohazard. She would only use a fraction of its power until then.
Rarity watched her robot begin to glow from the heat as her particle accelerator spun around once slowly. Those were the two main flaws with this weapon – it generated too much heat and it took a long time to charge.
Each spin came faster than the last. It went a second time, then a third, fourth and fifth! Light surrounded Saccharine and Archibald put up its forcefield in preparation for the overly telegraphed attack.
Saccharine fired the fusion cannon! A stream of plasma filled the arena with a blinding light so that only the silhouettes of the two robots could be seen.
Even through this, Rarity could make out Archibald’s force field. It held against the stream for a long second, then collapsed! All the guns on Archibald’s left side melted clean off and the crowd went wild.
Sadly, Saccharine only got five points for that, despite how impressed the crowd was. This didn’t count as a critical hit because Archibald had plenty of guns remaining that simply swung out to fill the negative space.
But it did open him up to direct attacks now that his barrier was finally down.
“This is your chance, Saccharine!” Rarity called out. “Move in and end it with your laser-tipped buzzsaws!”
Saccharine charged at Archibald, first brandishing the largest of her drills. This remained in front of her and was large enough to cover her body from Archibald’s sight.
The drill plowed through the grenades and missiles launched at it, allowing Saccharine to continue forward.
She reached melee with him and discarded what was left of her drill. Then the buzzsaws came out from either side and spun wildly. This time, a rim of blue light covered their tips.
Saccharine launched the buzzsaws forward, letting them rip through Archibald.
The buzzsaws slice Archibald clean off his treaded base!
He landed on his side and flailed about with his appendages to get back up. However, it was already too late. A buzzer went off. Then horns played as the projector displayed the words ‘Critical Hit’ in gold letters.
Saccharine gained one hundred points, bringing the final score to 67 – 125 in her favor!
“The match is set!” Brilliant Gear called out! “Saccharine wins the first round!”
Everypony cheered, save Hoity Toity who could only sigh and shake his head in defeat.
“You’re right! This is the best!” Sweetie Belle looked up at Rarity. “This is one of the best days of my life so far!”
Sweetie Belle hugged her big sister.
With Trixie in tow, Dash made her way to Hoofington, a nearby city. They stood outside the town hall, a three-foot-story building with an impressive great lawn. It was here Trixie had to meet with one of her victims, a brown stallion, to remove yet another one of her curses.
Twilight, Dash, and Pinkie were all present, but even with them and the TCU in place, none of the bystanders wanted to get too close. The curiosity drew them in, but few were brave enough to watch close up.
Tension and silence mounted as Dash took Trixie’s helmet off. To undo one of her curses was the one-time Trixie was allowed to take her suppression helmet off. That and to wash her hair twice a week.
Once it became clear Trixie was just going to undo the curse, and more importantly that this took an hour and involved no lasers or explosions, the crowd began to thin out.
Dash silently wished she could thin out. This job was immensely boring! She felt so relieved when Trixie finally finished, and the helmet was returned.
“I know it probably doesn’t mean anything.” Trixie winced as the helmet clamped down on her horn. “But I am sorry. I just–”
“I don’t need your worthless apologies!” He stepped back and lifted one wing.
This proved to be a signal. Several of the onlookers stepped out at once. They threw a barrage of rotten tomatoes at Trixie before the four of them ran off.
“Hey!” Dash took one step after them.
“Don’t bother.” Trixie sighed miserably, not even trying and wipe the filth off herself. “I guess I deserve it. If that’s what makes him feel better, whatever…”
“Important thing?” Pinkie put her hoof on Trixie’s back, ignoring the rot. “Is that you’re way more mature than I remember from your fight with Twilight. Not everypony’s going to forgive you. But that’s okay!”
“Thanks.” Trixie lifted her head. “But I’m pretty sure you weren’t even there for that fight.”
Dash winced at the smell. She certainly wouldn’t have put a hoof on Trixie in this situation.
“Also couldn’t you have seen that coming?” Trixie asked.
“Yeah! But I was more focused on that big spider.” Pinkie pointed to Dash. “Watch out for the spider, by the way!”
“Huh?” Dash looked around for a spider.
She turned to find a bid hairy one on an electricity pole just inches away from her muzzle. Startled, she took a step back.
“Thanks.” Dash backed up. “Though I don’t think I would have even noticed had you not told me.”
“No, no! I mean that spider!” Pinkie pointed.
Dash looked to find a far larger spider crawling out from behind the town hall building, far too close for comfort. She spread her wings and flew back.
Those things were huge!
Dash was sure this was a gargantula– like a much larger version of a tarantula. Or maybe she merely thought that for lack of recognizing many other gigantic spiders.
They could weigh up to four hundred pounds. Dash could hardly estimate the weight of this one on sight, but it was big enough to have some difficulty maneuvering between trees with its sprawling legs. It weaved through the trees to the side of the building and onto the great lawn.
“Yeah, I can feel it!” Pinkie nodded. “Something spooky is about to happen!”
“About to?” Trixie asked.
“I didn’t know spiders got that big.” Twilight cringed and took a step back from it.
“No worries!” Pinkie laughed. “Everyone knows giant spiders aren’t really that big of a deal. Watch this.”
Pinkie levitated a nail from her pouch and sent it flying. It tore straight through the spider’s leg, forcing the gargantula to clumsily stutter about as it chittered in pain.
“See, spider legs work like hydraulics.” Pinkie gestured to the spider as it deflated slightly and went belly up. “You puncture their outside just a little, their hydraulic fluid leaks out and they can't move. That’s why spiders are so skittish.”
Already the gargantula stopped moving.
“But why is it attacking us?” Dash asked. “Giant spiders aren’t supposed to come charging after you. They’re supposed to hide and ambush their prey, right? Are they even supposed to be out during the day?”
“Obviously, somepony was controlling it.” Trixie rolled her eyes. “And probably the rest of them, too.”
“The rest of–” Dash followed Trixie’s eyes as she glanced to the side. There was no need to point out the other spiders she meant. By now, there was nowhere to point but spiders.
Spiders ranging from the size of a grain of sand up to the size of train cars began pouring out from between and over the buildings. Spiders crawled flooded over each other, flooding towards the ponies like a dark wave. Yet none seemed at all interested in attacking any other spiders.
She saw more types of spiders than she’d even knew existed just then. Parts of the wave were simply black sheets of spiders the size of ants all crawling over one another. Only the giant spiders could be made out from this far away.
Dash could see spiders with massively thick legs covered in thick, spiked chitin that promised to be harder to pierce than the gargantula’s. She saw spiders covered in purple pustules or long quills all over their bodies. Some of them glowed and others were partially translucent. One species even had its jaws permanently alight with green flames.
Dash wished she could tell which ones were poisonous. It was probably most of them.
The nearby pegasi took whoever they could and flew off to safety. Thankfully, the spiders seemed to only care about Dash’s group. Though a small group of bystanders remained by the time the spiders had surrounded them.
“Yes!” One of the spiders announced in a warbling voice that sounded as though it came over a poor radio signal. “It is I, Arachnado! Master of spiders!”
The one that spoke was a mostly red spider, just a little bigger than Dash herself, and charged ahead of the clutter.
This one was distinctive and famous enough for Dash to recognize. It was a parrot spider!
True to its name, the spider was red with the later ends of the rainbow coloring its long legs and mandibles. But it wasn’t just its looks that it was named for. These things could mimic any noise just like a parrot. In the wild, they mimicked the sounds of injured animals, sometimes even a pony calling for help, to lure social creatures to their doom.
Which of course meant rich ponies kept them as pets for some reason.
But Dash had no idea they were intelligent enough to have a conversation.
“Well! I’m not actually a parrot spider, but they are handy for taunting ponies from afar. Don’t worry, I can see your fear and hear your screams despite being hidden away!” Arachnado’s spider jumped forward, landing in front of Dash. “So, Rainbow Dash? How does it feel to be trapped inside of your ultimate nightmare?!”
He (or she) made a laugh that turned into a chittering sound.
“A bunch of spiders is my ultimate nightmare?” Dash asked as several of them crawled across her back.
“Yes!” The spider chittered its mandibles. “Aren’t you paralyzed with fear?”
Dash flicked her wings, blowing most of the spiders off her.
“Do I look paralyzed with fear?” Dash asked.
“But!” The spider backed up. “But you’re Rainbow T. Dash, yes?”
“Yeah?”
“And your greatest fear is spiders!” It opened its front-most legs wide.
“I don’t think that’s true?” Dash blew another one off her muzzle shortly after it landed. “That first one startled me but now it’s just silly. Where did you even hear this?”
“I have it right here!” The spider turned to one side and mimicked picking something. “Well, not here. In my secret location! In Celebrity Stalker Magazine they have your fast five. Where do you live? What’s a clever place to hide spare keys? What’s your greatest fear…? And ‘Rainbow Turbo Dash’ clearly states–”
“Hold up.” Dash held up a hoof. “Rainbow Turbo Dash? No, my name is Rainbow Trouble Dash. Like my middle name is Trouble? Get it?”
“What?” The spider turned back to her.
“Yeah, Turbo Dash is some model or something.” Dash shook her head. “If it makes you feel any better, you’re not the first pony to make that mistake.”
“Oh my.” The spider looked like it was deflating to death. “What an embarrassing mistake! I’m in so much trouble when I get back. Do you have any idea how long it took me to gather a hundred thousand brown recluses?”
“Yeah. If you get back, punk!” Dash pointed at Arachnado.
Twilight shot four fireballs at each of the remaining gargantula’s, killing each of them immediately. Arachnado looked back at their most immediate support failing, though they had plenty of spiders left.
“You didn’t seriously think a bunch of spiders would be enough to take me out, did you?” Twilight asked. “I killed a million zombies a couple of weeks ago.”
“Okay, I admit I was banking on this giving Rainbow Dash a mental breakdown,” Arachnado admitted. “But then I don’t need to defeat you… I’m merely a distraction, yes? The boss sent me to keep you from Rarity and to send you a message.”
Dash and Twilight both backed up. Of course it wouldn’t be that easy!
“Okay,” said Dash. “Then who sent you?”
Arachnado chittered in a way that almost sounded like laughter.
“Well I don’t normally announce such information, but like I said I was specifically ordered to tell you this time. I suppose you could say… it was the leader of the Mad Science League!”
They reached the final match of the tournament. Saccharine had won every match thus far by critical hit! After this, they would face the champion– Biohazard, who’d still yet to make an appearance.
Sweetie Belle kept an eye out for him, looking about suspiciously, but saw no robot crab.
The buzzer sounded and cheers for the final match filled the stadium.
Fuff N’ Stuff wasted no time. She darted about the arena in indiscernible zig-zag patterns, keeping her body lower to the ground than a real pony could manage. Saccharine tried firing a few shots at her, but the other robot was simply too agile to target. All the while, Fuff inched closer and closer to Saccharine.
Having gotten to see Fuff fight three other robots so far, Sweetie Belle already knew the strategy she would exploit. Fuff was the fastest and most agile of them all– even faster than Saccharine with the wave glide hoof attachment.
Fuff would get in a single tag, get exactly one point, then stall out the match. So far, no other robot had managed to land a blow on Fuff, leaving her to win with a single point. The way this one darted and crawled around the arena with such speed and grace left Sweetie Belle uncertain that Saccharine could beat her. Of all the other robots, this seemed to be the one with the best shot against Saccharine.
As the match began, Saccharine took out all her drills and buzzsaws to make approaching her more difficult. Indeed, it gave Fuff pause.
Fuff skittered around Saccharine in a circle, looking for a spot to approach from. Though it kept her at bay, this also meant Saccharine couldn’t take out any of her other weapons.
Finally, the attack was launched as Fuff lunged at Saccharine. Saccharine charged ahead as well, threatening to slam one of her drills into Fuff. A single blow was all it would take to destroy such a slender robot.
Fuff compressed her body until she was small enough to fit between Saccharine’s legs. She slid underneath Saccharine, giving her a single kick on the underbelly, and continued to glide forward. The hit did no damage but did award her a single point.
Sweetie Bell leaned forward, much more on edge now. Fuff was pulling off her main strategy!
Fuff swung her whole barrel back and planted her forehooves on the ground. She then scuttled forward, crawling like a crab.
Saccharine fired at her repeatedly. Fuff jerked herself in every direction, sliding and convulsing in impossible and unnatural ways. If Saccharine had troubleshooting her at short range, Sweetie Belle had no idea how she could land a hit from so far away.
Though she was the size of a filly, Saccharine was also a superheavyweight by pony standards. She couldn’t fly and climbing wasn’t easy with so much mass.
Yet once Fuff got near the battle stadium’s roof, Rarity smiled as though she’d just checkmated.
“Now, Saccharine! Fire the collateral cannon!” Rarity called out.
Kerfuffle, right next to her, realized what was about to happen and her eyes widened.
“Fuff! You gotta get lower!” Kerfuffle commanded her robot.
Saccharine took out a cannon Sweetie Belle had yet to see. This one looked like a funnel. As Sweetie Belle leaned forward, she realized it to be like a weapon she once used before. The cannon was a speaker!
Fuff crawled down the edge of the forcefield lightning-fast, but Saccharine fired her weapon before she got far.
The forcefield protected them from the sound itself, but even still Sweetie Belle felt herself vibrating. Fuff N’ Stuff shook so violently it looked as though she was in two places at once. In a second, she was thrown off the wall and the scoreboard registered it as a hit.
As Fuff fell to the ground, struggling to regain composure, Saccharine took out her drill and wound up to hit her.
Saccharine slammed the side of her drill into Fuff as she came down. Due to her lack of armor, the blow devastated Fuff. The drill tore off three of her limbs on the spot and sent her tumbling to the corner.
The critical hit trumpet played, but Sweetie Belle couldn’t help but cringe at the blow. Everypony assured her that these robots didn’t feel pain in the fights, including the robots themselve. Sweetie knew this to be true because she could turn off pain whenever she wanted. They could be easily rebuilt besides.
But perhaps because of her own robotic nature, she couldn’t help but feel bad seeing them get smashed up despite knowing all that.
“And with that Rarity and Saccharine advance to the final round!” Gear looked up, announcing it to the sky. “She has the right to battle the reigning champion for nine years in a row – my own Biohazard! And if she can overcome him… well she’ll be allowed to make her case to be elected leader for the following year!”
Everyone cheered, save Gear who howled with laughter.
Rarity watched him closely as he jumped off his armchair and came over her, with a smile more manic than he usually wore.
“Oh! Things are going very well for you, aren’t they?” Gear snickered, almost bursting out into another bout of manic laughter. “Yes! I daresay if you win this next battle, you may very well convince the others to make you leader for this next year! And with how massively Saccharine’s been upgraded – Hahaha!”
He didn’t seem even slightly nervous at all, considering Rarity was certain Saccharine outclassed the version of Biohazard from the prior year. She’d expected Gear to be somewhat upset about her taking over the role of leader, but he just kept snickering like that… almost as though there was some joke Rarity wasn’t privy to.
No, he was up to something, wasn’t he? But what? Where was his hidden ace?
“Where is Biohazard, exactly?” Rarity watched him with narrow eyes. “Nopony’s seen him all night. I imagine you’ve made some manner of modification?”
“Oh, I’ll bring Biohazard out in just a moment!” Gear could barely contain a sudden burst of laughter. “But before that, I have an exciting announcement to make!”
Everypony murmured amongst themselves as Brilliant Gear went up to the stage and put his forehooves on the podium.
Gear leaned over his podium to look down to Rarity specifically. “Yes! I have quite the shocking revelation to make about our little Rarity here!”
“Me?”
“You see, I thought it was quite interesting that Rarity has pushed her field of study so far forward in such little time!” Gear began trotting back and forth rapidly on the stage. “Yes! Without taking another dive or finding the third volume of the Book of Shadows, Rarity was able to create a living metal spell. Not only that, but she created a great many enhancements for Saccharine, didn’t she? Very suspicious! Hm?”
Rarity looked to her left and right. The other ponies chattered to themselves, infected with his suspicion. Brilliant Gear looked her dead in the eyes, smiled too wide, and nodded. He knew!
“I–” Rarity tried getting on the stage herself.
“Rarity’s in league with a witch!” Brilliant Gear pointed at Rarity, cutting her off before she confessed.
Gasps resounded through the crowd. Ponies backed away from Rarity Poor Coco nearly fainted!
“Indeed! This ‘Silverstorm’ pony is a witch herself and has been helping Rarity modify Saccharine with the express intent of taking over our organization!” Brilliant Gear pointed both hooves at his head. “I alone possess the intellect to deduce this so quickly!”
Accusations and questions came at her from left and right. Rarity could hardly hear half of them, let alone respond to such a barrage.
“Rarity, that’s not true, is it?” Coco asked, still lying halfway on the floor.
Rarity closed her eyes and sighed. If she wanted any chance of salvaging this, she would need to come clean. With determination, Rarity jumped onto the stage, Saccharine and Sweetie Belle in tow, and turned to face the crowd.
“Yes! It is true!” Rarity announced. “I’ve been collaborating with a witch.”
A wave of boos and hisses flooded over the stage, enough to cause Rarity to wince. Even the more composed members whispered to one another and glared at her. Were Saccharine not standing just in front of her, Rarity would fear things were close to becoming violent.
Quite pleased with himself, Brilliant Gear hopped back onto his big armchair.
“Yes, and how has that been working out for you?” Gear leaned on the arm of his chair, resting his cheek in a hoof. “Hm?”
“Quite well, I’d say.” Rarity turned around to face the others. “Listen to me! She isn’t like the other witches! Surely, you’ve all been hearing the news. She’s hunting them all down to end their evil ways. She’s the one who brought down Trixie and Minuette and freed us from their curses! Have you all forgotten that so quickly?”
Apparently, they did need a reminder of that. As soon as Rarity brought it up, they all quieted down. Yes, it was hard to be angry at someone who’d given them the ability to watch cartoons and use combustion engines again.
She might just be able to win them over.
“I’ve been helping her with this mission the whole time and I assure you we intend to rid the world of these evil witches,” said Rarity. “I apologize for being dishonest with you up until now, but I only wanted to establish her credibility before telling you all the truth.
“And just consider the possibilities of having such a pony on our side!” Rarity put her hoof on Saccharine’s back. “I’ve created the most powerful robot in such a short period. Imagine the advancements we could make with her on our side. Imagine how beneficial having a sympathetic party towards us in mainstream society would be. This is our chance to surpass the Mad Science Institute, is it not?”
Rarity looked over the crowd. She moved them from hostile to reserved. The way they were looking at her, she knew none of them were entirely convinced. But what other points did she have to sell them on?
“Well, I support Rarity!” Coco jumped up on stage next to Rarity. Rarity could only watch her in surprise as she turned to address the others. “I was unfairly banished from Equestria and was forced to join a group of ponies I thought was evil. Um. That’s all of you.”
The crowd remained dead silent. Coco had yet to make a dent.
“But I realized that just because everypony said you were all evil, didn’t actually mean you are!” Coco continued. “So– that’s why I can’t accuse Silverstorm of being evil when she’s done nothing but help us this whole time! She stopped Flash Bang’s army from breaking our stuff! And freed us from Trixie’s curse! What reason do we have to distrust her? Just because the neurotypicals tell us witches are bad?”
Rarity could see it! The needle was moving!
She could see nods and hear mutters of approval from them, the occasional foul comment about the ‘normies’. Oh, how she wanted to hug Coco right now.
“And this is only the start!” Rarity promised the crowd. “I’ve built many bridges to other groups in these past few months. If you follow me and accept me as your new leader, I can bring us into a glorious new age!”
“You know what?” Fancy Pants was the next to speak out. “I agree! We should give Ms. Rarity and this witch a chance.”
“She’s right!” Kerfuffle nodded. “With her help, we could all build more powerful robots!”
“We would never have to worry about getting shoved around again, I’ll admit,” said Hoity Toity.
And soon they welled into enthusiastic support! Rarity turned back to Brilliant Gear with a triumphant smile, certain his plan backfired.
Brilliant Gear had heckled her from behind as she gave this speech. He nodded repeatedly making loud ‘hm’s and smiling like he was trying to keep himself from bursting into laughter.
“Do you have an objection, perhaps?” Rarity’s smile turned into a sharp look.
“Me?” Gear put both hooves on his heart in exaggerated surprise. “An objection? Never! Oh, I think you’ve had the most splendid idea of all, Rarity! Teaming up with a witch to further science? Astounding! Let’s all have a round of applause for Rarity and her amazing idea!”
Brilliant Gear laughed and clapped as loudly as he could. In the crowd, Coco clapped twice before realizing nopony else was doing it then stopped, blushing.
“But you know.” He stopped to make an exaggerated thinking pose. “There is one question I have. Yes, one thing just doesn’t add up. I mean, if this idea is so brilliant and my IQ is through the roof, then why didn’t I think of this myself?”
Rarity looked at him with a raised eyebrow, unsure where he was going with all this or how to respond.
Then she realized the implications of that question and her eyes widened.
“Wait.” Rarity got it a little faster than the others in the room. She took a step back. Any distance between herself and Gear felt necessary. “You’re not saying what I think you’re saying, are you?”
“Oh, Rarity.” Gear stood up and took one step forward for every Rarity took. “You don’t seriously believe you could have had an idea more brilliant than me, do you? Obviously, I thought of this way before you did!”
Everypony, even Coco and Sweetie Belle realized what he was on about by now. Saccharine jumped between Rarity and Gear.
“But.” Rarity shook her head. She’d backed up to the edge of the stage by now. “But then-?! Who?!”
“Of course!” Gear spread his forelegs magnanimously. “Why don’t I introduce you to the shadow leader of the Mad Science League, hm? Our true leader!”
Everypony held their breath as the doors opened.
A pink earth pony with wildly curly hair stepped out. Sadly, it wasn’t Pinkie Pie.
Rarity saw her eyes, spiral patterned, and knew her name right away.
Screwball!
The pirate queen was much bigger and more muscular than Rarity had expected. She must have weighed over a hundred and twenty pounds and had a half foot on Rarity in height.
For whatever reason, she wore the same outfit Rainbow Dash was fond of recently. She had the same North Wind jacket – complete with unnecessary wing holes – and a pair of flight goggles. Screwball stopped at the podium and moved the goggles from her eyes to her forehead before addressing them all.
This was quickly becoming the worst convention Rarity could remember.
“Yes, it was me!” Screwball announced to the crowd. “You’ve all been unknowingly working for me this whole time! Isn’t that an awesome plot twist? Yeah. Sorry, Rarity, but I’ve done the whole ‘secretly team up with a witch to take over an organization’ thing twenty-something times already.”
She looked over them all excitedly. One or two of them tried to flee. With a flick of Screwball’s hoof, chunks of rock burst through the ground and blocked the exits.
“Oh, relax!” Screwball laughed. “If I wanted to kill you all, I would have blown up the entire building hours ago. We came here to have fun, right? So I’m just gonna play one game with you all, then you can go home! You know, if you survive.”
Screwball held her arms up like she expected applause. None came, but she reveled in it all the same.
“What do you want?” Rarity asked bluntly.
“I’m literally doing the exact same thing you are.” Screwball deadpanned at her. “You don’t gotta be a jerk about it.”
Rarity kept her frown.
“Yes! I gotta run off the assumption I can’t beat up my little sis in a one-on-one fight.” Screwball turned back to the audience despite talking to Rarity. “But hey, we both have a bunch of people working for us, so I thought why not test the waters like this! Just like you, I put all of my efforts into upgrading Biohazard to the maximum extent.”
Biohazard at last appeared. He came through the same door Screwball did, but his larger form tore the edges of it off the walls. Even as the dust settled, his glowing red eyes and purple flames around his claw could be seen.
He took a few more loud steps forward until his lobster-like form could be made out. Biohazard stood larger than ever, easily the size of ten stallions. His armor was now made from some purple metal Rarity could not identify and his shell was studded with enchanted gemstones.
“So that’s it!” Screwball turned to go sit on Brilliant Gear’s armchair. “We’ll just see who’s the better team through this match.”
Just before taking her seat, Screwball raised her hoof as if remembering something and turned around slowly.
“Oh! And one more thing!” Her smile was far too sharp. “I want this to be a little more interesting, so I’m changing a few rules for this fight. Most importantly, there’s no more points or time limit. This will be a fight to the death between the two teams.”