//------------------------------//
// Dash, You're an Odd Fella 
// Story: Rainbow Dash's Unforgettable Luncheon 
// by EileenSaysHi 
//------------------------------//

"So..... would ya mind explainin' what the heck that was all about?"

Applejack was standing on the porch steps next to a dejected Rainbow Dash, who was seated in a fetal position with her face buried deep in her legs as the last of the fire department left. Apparently, the skillet Rainbow Dash had hastily tossed on to the stovetop had eventually toppled over, after its contents had caught fire, and wound up igniting one of the kitchen rugs. Aside from the rug, there wasn't any serious fire or water damage, though a lot of the furniture would take some time to dry.

"Can we just... not?" Rainbow mumbled. "I'm already in for the lecture of a lifetime, I'll be lucky if I only get grounded for a month. I don't really want to do this with you too."

"Dash, I ain't here to yell at you. I just wanna know what happened."

"I don't know! I don't! It was so dumb, everything about it was just so dumb and I don't know why I did any of it. It was a terrible idea and... I don't know."

"Dash, how often have you cooked before?"

Rainbow Dash swallowed. "Almost never. Definitely never for any of the things I tried to make today."

"Never? Not even as practice for today?"

"Did it seem like I'd practiced?"

"I guess not. Didn't it seem a little... much for your first try with most of this stuff?"

"Yeah, probably, but it's not like that feeling's ever stopped me before! I just... really wanted to feel like I was doing something impressive."

"Whaddaya mean?"

Dash looked away and sighed. "You know me... I can't just do things by half. I needed this to be as awesome as it could be! And I... really wanted to show that I could do something like this."

"Something like cooking?" Applejack asked quizzically.

"I mean all of you can cook, right? Pinkie's like an amazing baker, you're a really good cook, Twilight had that whole "cooking with science" kick..." She stopped to breathe, then went on. "Fluttershy cooks, and... I don't really know about Rarity really, but Sunset... well she's a waitress and lives alone, she's gotta cook at least some, right?"

Applejack chuckled. "I ain't confident Rares has even heated a meal on her own, frankly. She's got a lotta strengths, but cooking ain't one of them. And, well, you're probably right about Sunset, but the only time she's ever asked me about anything food-related, it got pretty darn ridiculous."

"Oh?" Applejack could see a hint of Rainbow Dash's mischievous grin creeping back onto her face as she heard this and looked back over. "Do tell."

"Naw, I can't, I promised..." Applejack could feel the strength of that promise buckling under Rainbow's desperate need for cheering up. It took little for her to give in. "Alright, alright, but you can't ever let her know I told you. Otherwise they'll probably never find my body."

"Aww, c'mon!"

"Dash!"

"Alright, alright, whatever, just spill it already!"

I'm gonna regret this. "Well, she asked for my help in makin' a food item from her pony planet that she hadn't been able to find over here. It turns out that, uh, even talkin' horses eat hay."

"Wait, what..."

"And she wanted my help trying to figure out a way to make hayburgers in our world." She watched Rainbow start to choke back laughter as she went on. "Yeah, I know. We didn't have any shortage of hay on the farm so I was happy to give her some and give her whatever advice she needed -- but, yeah."

"So... how were they?" Rainbow asked with a cocky smile.

"Like heck if I'd ever eat it. I told her right from the start I'd rather lick the inside of a toilet bowl than eat anything she made with that stuff."

Dash snorted. "So how did she like them?"

Now it was Applejack's turn to grin. "How exactly would you imagine anyone in a human body would react to eating hay?"

The mental image nearly made Rainbow Dash keel over as she couldn't contain her laughter any more. After a moment Applejack started laughing too, both from the memory and from her friend's contagious joy.

"So," Applejack said once she managed to get some composure back, "I think what I'm sayin' is that this ain't the dumbest cookin' idea I've ever seen."

"Yeah, no, uh, that..." Dash stopped to laugh a little more. "That was good, that was hilarious."

"But I guess my question is, well, why do you care? Why's cookin' such a big deal all of a sudden? This can't just be about us seven, right? Are you trying to learn for college or something? Wait, naw, you said this was about being impressive, right? So who're you tryin' to impress?"

"Uhhhmmm... I, uh..."

"If you don't want to name names, fine, but why do you need to cook to impress them? You're Rainbow Dash, you're the star athlete of the school, you've got a power gem, you've been in movies, you're in a band, you've fought evil magic -- who wouldn't be impressed by you?"

"Someone who already has most of those same qualities might..."

"It's one of us? ...Not me, right?"

"Ahhhh, don't flatter yourself. Besides, it's not like I don't know you have a thing for R-"

In an instant, a hand seized Rainbow's mouth as Applejack looked her dead in the eyes, a dark expression on her face. "You ain't the only one here with a power gem, Rainbow Dash," she said as she picked up a rock and crushed it into powder. "Best not forget that."

".....Right," Dash said nervously once her lips were released. "Any-whooo, yes, it's one of us-"

"It's Fluttershy, isn't it?"

"HEY, NO FAIR! Why do you get to make casual threats when I tried to guess-"

"Conversation wasn't about me, now was it?" Applejack smirked.

Rainbow growled. "Fine, whatever, yes it's Fluttershy. I've been meaning to ask all year. But she's so smart and clever, and you just know she's gonna be, like, filthy stinking rich soon! She'll be a vet who can talk to animals. Who's not gonna want her services? She's gonna be this famous celebrity vet who's always working, all the time, and if we're together... I, like, wanna be someone who can do stuff for her. Who can take care of her, and can take care of myself. I don't want to have to ever ask her to be doing stuff for me on top of everything she'll be doing, y'know? The least I should be able to do is cook my own food."

Applejack took a moment to process that. "Wow. For someone as impulsive as you, you really think pretty far ahead when it comes to relationships. Especially since you haven't even asked her out yet."

"Hey, I'm... I'm working on that part."

"Well, I'll help ya. No sweat." Applejack laid a hand on Rainbow Dash's back. "But don't get so worked up over these things, Dash! If learning to cook's that important to you, I can help with that too. And I'm sure Pinkie Pie and any of the rest of us would do the same. But don't let little things like that keep you from doing what you want. Don't be so nervous. Fluttershy likes you for who you are, and I'm sure she'll remember that when you ask her."

"Fine. But you have to ask... you-know-who too!"

"Hey, that's diff... differ..." Applejack blushed. "Aw shoot. Fine, you've got yourself a deal."

"Ha! It is her! I was bluffing but I knew it!"

"Yeah, yeah..."

Rainbow stood up and cheered, and now it was Applejack's turn to assume the fetal position out of sheer embarrassment. Eventually Rainbow Dash sat back down, still laughing a bit. "Ah... well, it might be a while before I can take you up on any cooking offers. I, uh... doubt I'll be allowed anywhere near the kitchen anytime soon."

"Hey, if it helps, I'll stay here and try to explain things to your folks with you."

"Thanks."

"And, for what it's worth... I thought you steamed a pretty good ham in there."

"Shut up!" Rainbow shouted as she punched her friend in the arm. They both descended into giggles.