Dash of Humanity 3: Live, Fly, Reboot.

by Kaidan


Ch. 1 Prelude

I shifted in my seat to get comfortable and picked a small tomato out of my salad with my primary feathers. It rolled back and forth across the three longest ones before I brought my wing up and let it roll down into my mouth. The tomato tasted amazing and fresh, which was really saying something given how much I’d hated salads up until a few months ago.

There was a time when I thought salads weren’t food, they were what you fed food. I’d even made it a point to find the one place in Ponyville that could serve bacon to try and escape this cruel fate. But in the end, I’d learned to embrace healthy living. Mostly it was because I had a new set of taste buds that were less appalled at the thought of eating leafy green lawn clippings masquerading as a balanced breakfast.

“Dawn?” Lyra asked.

I blinked and looked over at her across the small purple table of the diner. “Huh?”

“You tilted your head and kind of zoned off there for a minute,” she stated.

“Oh, just reminiscing about the first time I ate a salad—”

“And got zapped to Equestria by Discord.” She chuckled and took a bite of her daisy sandwich.

“Guess I’ve told that story a few too many times. I’m feeling nostalgic.”

Lyra finished her sandwich and took a drink. “For Earth? Do you still think of going back?”

“No,” I shook my head. “Couldn’t even if I wanted to.”

“Guess that freeing Discord from stone and asking nicely isn’t an option.”

I smirked. “It’s really not. Doubt he’s coming back this time.” I gestured over my shoulder towards the sun.

Lyra raised an eyebrow and whispered, “I thought he was turned to stone. Was he banished there?”

Nodding, I ran a hoof across my lips to zip them shut.

“Looks like Celestia isn’t taking chances.”

“Plus, I’m happy here,” I explained. “It was rough going for a while with Soarin dating Dash and getting her pregnant. If it hadn’t been for you and Twilight, I might still be moping around. Since then, nothing terrible has happened. It’s actually been a bit too quiet.”

“That’s just Ponyville,” Lyra explained. “Quietest town in Equestria, until it’s not.”

The salad was nearly finished and the cloudy sky was giving us a respite from the sun. It was chilly out, and the weather had called for clear skies by noon. There would only be about an hour left now for me to handle Dash’s weather duty today.

“I appreciate a chance to have lunch and catch up, Lyra, but Dash is expecting me to clear out these clouds and I think I’m running out of time.”

She nodded. “I wouldn’t keep her waiting. Thanks for lunch.”

I placed several bits on the table to pay for lunch, it was my treat today. Lyra had become my closest friend when I’d first become a pony. It started when Pinkie sent me on a blind date, knowing that Lyra was fascinated with the mythological beings known as humans. After I proved it wasn’t an elaborate prank, we’d become inseparable. Lyra probably realized my feelings for Dash before I did, yet she didn’t get upset about it. Instead, she supported me as I tried to untangle the love triangle that had developed between Soarin, Dash, and Myself.

Back on Earth, Lyra would have fit right in with the sixty’s hippie culture. Here in Equestria, I guess free love never died. Lyra and Cloud Kicker were a couple of the more notorious ponies, but it seemed like everypony was a bit more open about their sexuality. This had led her to become a friend with benefits for Dash and myself. I’d be a foolish stallion to turn down an arrangement like that.

I gave Lyra a salute with my wing, “I’m off to clear the sky and save everypony from the horrors of not getting enough vitamin D!”

Lyra leaned back in her chair and waved.

After a couple wing beats, I was soaring through the nearest clouds, dissolving them instantly. One after another they burst as I flew through them, and I worked my way out towards the edge of town. It didn’t take long to clear the sky, and I finished about half an hour early. I left one cloud intact to take a nap upon, a trick I’d learned from Dash, and flew up to it. I went to land on it and flipped over at the last second, landing on it back first.

I sighed contently as I wiggled my wings and sank into the cloud, only my muzzle remaining above them. The moisture tingled gently against my skin as my innate pegasi magic allowed me to lay on them. It was without a doubt the most comfortable place to take a nap in all of Ponyville. I yawned and felt sleep taking hold of me.


I glided down to the ground and faced Tirek. He was imprisoning seven ponies in magic-proof bubbles. The landscape was scorched, and dozens of ponies lay on the ground, lethargic and apathetic after he had drained their essence.

“You! The pony whose essence I couldn’t drain, this can’t be!” Tirek ground his teeth so hard I could hear them from twenty yards away.

“But it is, Tirek!” I smiled and flared my wings. “The princesses knew you couldn’t consume me because I was human, and they gave me their power!”

I lit up my horn and tried to growl menacingly at him.

“No! Dawn, the Alicorn Princess! It can’t be!”

“That’s Prince to you, asshole! Now unhand all my friends before I go medieval on your sorry ass.” I could feel the magic thrumming in my horn and saw small pebbles rising off the ground as magic permeated the air.

“Fine, have them back! What do I care? I still have the rest of the magic in Equestria, and you’ll never foil me… once I have consumed—”

“Quit explaining your evil plan, it’s so cliche.”

Tirek hissed and floated over Twilight, Fluttershy, Pinkie, Applejack, Rarity, and Dash.

“I said, all my friends!” I shouted at him, firing a warning shot to his side that cut a swath of ground out of the hillside.

Tirek tilted his head and looked puzzled. “You… consider this pony a friend? After his fits of jealous rage? In Pegasi culture, that’s considered ‘a dick move’.”

I nodded, watching as he floated Soarin over to join me and the former Elements of Harmony.

“You see, Tirek, I learned something important about the magic of friendship during my time in Equestria… It’s not about some fancy gems, or where we come from, or what we’ve done… The true magic that lives in our hearts—”

I heard somepony giggling and turned to look to the right. Sitting in a black and red reclining chair and eating some popcorn was the Princess of the Night, Luna.

“Really? In the middle of my monologue?!” I sighed and fired a bright multi-colored beam of magic to vaporize Tirek, as my mane and tale gained a strip of bright green. Turns out the magic of friendship lived inside us all, and not the fancy jewelry my friends had worn. The moment was ruined though.

“Sorry, Dawn, to interrupt your dream… but you’ve got the most interesting dreams out of all my subjects.” Luna put her popcorn down and walked towards me. “Plus, not many ponies are napping at noon on a Monday.”

Now that I realized I was in a dream, I had enough awareness to take control of it. I felt myself shrinking back to my normal size. I felt rather silly standing there as a brightly colored fictional alicorn. “Hey, shouldn’t you be sleeping right now? How are you here?”

She smiled. “If I can dream walk when I’m awake, how much easier must it be when I’m asleep?”

“Guess that makes sense. This really was a pretty sweet dream.” I gestured to the hillside and the several craters Tirek and I had blasted into it. “This is a much better version than how the fight with Tirek actually went.”

Luna smiled gently. “There is no shame in the role you played. Had you not helped find the last key, Twilight would not have found the inner magic she and her friends needed to be victorious.”

“Yeah,” I snorted, “ it’s not at all embarrassing to have spent most of that day imprisoned in a bubble, waiting for my marefriend to rescue me… I’m just glad the whole Tirek apocalypse is over, and I did have front row seats to a pretty epic ass-kicking.”

Luna lit her horn, returning the landscape back to its normal appearance. The ponies who had their essence drained began to walk off back towards Ponyville. “Don’t sell yourself short, Dawn. Tirek imprisoned you when he couldn’t figure out why he couldn’t drain you, and later trapped the Elements of Harmony. Had it not been for Twilight’s realization that she had taught friendship to a human, and thus could teach it to all the races of Equestria, she would not have found the final key.”

I thought about it for a moment and smirked. “So really, this means I’ve saved Equestria twice? First from Discord, then from Tirek with the last minute assist? How many more on my punch card until I get a horn of my own?”

Luna laughed merrily for a minute. “Now that I’d quite like to see; we haven’t had a Prince in ages. Perhaps after you avert the next apocalypse we shall broach the topic with our sister.”

“I’ll hold you to that. I could be the Prince of Procrastination,” I said with a chuckle.

“I’ll try not to interrupt you the next time you’re having such a good dream. Joking aside, I just wanted to visit and check in on how you were doing.”

“Oh? I’m doing pretty well. I’ve been thinking of making the next move with Dash, but don’t tell anypony.”

“Congratulations,” Luna said. “I’m happy you’ve adjusted so well to life as a pony. Though, I’m afraid our time here is about to end.”

I looked around at the dreamscape. Usually, if a dream was ending, things would get hazy and fade out. I’d been visited by Luna enough times to know the signs. “Uh, what makes you say that?”

“Simple deduction,” she explained. “You’re napping in the afternoon, I assume on a cloud, on a day for which Ponyville is supposed to have clear skies.”

“I’m with you so far.”

“And the lead weather pony in Ponyville, whose job it is to clear those skies, is going to find you passed out cold on a cloud.”

I opened my mouth to make a smartass remark when it dawned on me what Luna meant. “And she loves a good prank… Quick wake me up!”

Before Luna could reply, the dream blacked out.


I was jolted awake as every muscle spasmed simultaneously and I felt myself falling. The cloud that had been holding me had been bucked and evaporated. I could feel my body twisting as my wings flared, the air currents surrounded me and I knew without thinking what to do. By the time I was aware enough to realize what happened, I was hovering in the air ten yards below the cloud I’d been napping on.

“Rainbow Dash!” I yelled. I heard laughter to my left and looked over to see her. “You could have hurt me!”

“Come on, I put a backup cloud.” She pointed down below me to where I would have been caught if my instincts hadn’t kicked in. “Besides, I had to see if you’d been sticking to my practice routine to build up your muscle memory.”

“The only thing you’re gonna remember is my primaries on your hooves when I catch you!”

And with that, I angled my wings and shot forward towards her. She evaded me easily and was still faster and more agile than I could be as a stallion. Even pregnant she could probably have out-flown half the Wonderbolts with her eyes closed.

She didn’t seem too determined to get away as she flew into a formation of gray rain clouds over the Everfree. I followed her in to find they had been hollowed out. I tackled her into the wall and tried to get hold of her hooves to tickle her, but she moved at the last moment. We ended up tangled and laying on our sides when Dash started to kiss me. I lost focus as my hooves wrapped around her and pulled her in close.

It was several moments until our lips parted, leaving the faint taste of fresh rain in my mouth.

“Wow, big talk about revenge and I shut it down with one kiss.” Dash laughed.

“What can I say? I’m a stallion of simple pleasures.”

I looked into her magenta eyes for a minute, neither one of us wanting to do more than just lay there cuddling. It has been said the eyes are the windows to the soul, and I had been on the other side of those magenta windows. I could still vividly remember being trapped here in Equestria by Discord when both our minds had been forced to share the same body. Over the course of a few weeks I had gotten to know her intimately, mostly by being an insufferable ass, but the end result was the same. I had gotten closer to her than anyone I’d ever known in my life. As my human side affected her, Dash’s loyalty for her friends had changed me in a way nopony would have predicted.

When I realized that I was what stood in the way of the Element of Loyalty functioning, I enacted a plan to sacrifice myself and save Equestria. Discord hadn’t expected it. I had to let go of who I was, fading into Dash’s mind, to restore her element. She never gave up on finding a way to rescue me. Without her I would still be living out my days in her subconscious, but she saw something in me worth saving. I tried to repay her by helping her relationship with her idol, Soarin, but in the end, I couldn’t deny my true feelings for her. Luckily, Soarin was a huge jealous douchebag and torpedoed that relationship almost on his own. Once Dash had forgiven me for my part in it, we had gotten together and continued dating since.

Dash and I had enjoyed the last several months together. Until Tirek’s attack we had been spending time with Fluttershy, who was as close as family to us. We’d been having fun with Lyra, and teasing Rarity, whom we both agreed was likely just as big a freak in the sheets as anypony else. Rarity was less than amused that she now had two ponies to put up with that knew how to push all of her buttons.

“You look lost in thought, Dawn.” Dash pushed a hoof gently against a rib.

“Oh, just remembering how we met, and it reminded me there’s something I wanted to ask you.”

She smirked. “Yeah? What’s that?”

I ran a hoof up her chest, ruffling all the fur so it puffed outward. “Well, I—”

Of course, at that exact moment, her cutie mark started flashing like a strobe light. I let out a long sigh and rolled my eyes. “Friendship problem? I guess I can wait a couple days to ask.” I gave her another kiss, not letting it end until she gently pushed back.

“Yeah, I better go to Twilight’s castle and see what it is, and who I’m going with. Duty calls, just don’t miss me too much while I’m off saving Equestria.” Dash stood up and began preening her feathers, quickly fixing the ones that had gotten smashed together as we made out in the cloud.

“I wish I could come with you.”

“Why, you jealous?”

“Of a glowing flank stamp? As if.” I chuckled.

She gave me a playful hit on the shoulder as I stood up. “Hey, it’s important work, but I promise to wrap it up as fast as I can. I mean, other than that weirdo town in the middle of nowhere the problems usually only take two days tops.”

“I’ll hold you to that. Two days or I get to do that thing I keep asking about.”

Dash blushed, wings fluttering upward. “D-Dawn… are you serious?”

“Yeah, I’m telling you… once you’ve tried Dungeons and Dragons you won’t ever go back to Monopoly.”

She laughed out loud and shook her head. “I really thought you were going somewhere a lot dirtier with that.”

“There’s only one pony in Equestria who gets my bad references, you bet I’m taking advantage of it.”

Dash’s flank started flashing with a renewed vigor, and she walked past me slowly, raising her tail. “Well, I think my flank stamp is getting impatient.”

I tried not to stare and extended a hoof to dissolve the wall of the cloud for her. “Far be it from me to argue with the will of a magical table you grew out of a kinder surprise egg.”

“Thanks, Dawn. Now go check in with the weather team for me and let them know we’re done. You can meet me at the castle to say goodbye once I know where I’m going.”


I hovered in the air with Thunderlane and the rest of the weather team as they made their reports. When Dash needed a day off I’d fill in on the weather team, but I had neither the college education from Cloudsdale in weather nor the decade of experience that she had. Normally Dash called the shots, but Thunderlane and Cloud Kicker took over in her absence, and I was just an extra pair of hooves to help.

My own talents lay in the medical field, not weather. I’d learned after coming to Equestria that I had a knack for finding lost ponies. The search part of search and rescue seemed to have more to do with my cutie mark than my training on Earth. The rising sun accenting the medical caduceus symbol had appeared on my flank when I’d tracked down Dash in the Everfree. Years as a nurse in the emergency room had taught me all I needed to know about trauma and first aid. Adapting those skills to apply to ponies took time, but luckily ponies exhibited a lot fewer high-risk behaviors like riding shopping carts off roofs while drunk.

“Thanks, Cloud Kicker. Tell everyone good job and that Dawn will continue filling in for a few more days. Dash has a friendship problem to solve,” Thunderlane explained.

“Yep,” I added. “Good job everypony! Now I’m going to head to that tree castle and see them off. Probably catch the end of a big speech about harmony and all that. Somepony has to sit in the peanut gallery and cheer for them.”

“Have a good night, Dawn,” Thunderlane said with a nod. “Skies should stay clear but if they aren’t, meet us back here in the morning.”

“Aye aye.” I smiled and took off towards Twilight’s castle.

It was an impressive sight, made mostly of crystal and resembling a tree. The thing had basically popped up instantly, and since then they’d been adding to it. So far they had built a small garden, some dirt paths, a track and field for buckball.

On one of the upper levels was a table that contained a map of the entirety of Equestria. There were six chairs, plus one for Spike. I’d asked when I would get a chair, but unless there were any friendship problems that needed some aggressive negotiations I was unlikely to earn a seat at the table.

I can dream though. With the way villains seemed to grow on trees around here maybe I’d get to knock some heads around one day. On the other hoof, the last villain had almost sucked everypony’s essence out and gotten away with it. Maybe I should be more careful about what I wish for.

A window was left open on the castle, likely by Dash, who would certainly have flown in instead of walking. I flew through the window and landed. They were still seated around the table, so I approached them quietly.

Above Canterlot was a symbol matching Twilight and Dash’s cutie marks. They circled the mountain, indicating a problem that needed to be solved and the ponies who needed to do it.

“The table’s never been wrong before,” Twilight stated. “Somepony in Canterlot needs Dash and my help.”

“All I’m saying is to be careful,” Rarity said. “I haven’t seen the table flicker like that before.”

“It’s Canterlot. Twilight will have both princesses there if she needs help, plus ah reckon it’s the closest friendship problem we’ve had to Ponyville.” Applejack adjusted her stetson. “Anything goes wrong and we’ll all be on the next train there.”

“Let’s head out tonight.” Dash pointed to the train station just outside Ponyville. “We can get on the next train there and get a room for the night. I bet Dawn I’d only be gone a couple days, and you know how competitive he can get.”

“Now where do ya reckon he picked that up?” Applejack taunted.

Pinkie was seated across the table from me and smiled, having seen me waiting and listening to the conversation. “Sounds like Dashie is gonna miss her little snuggle bunny and wants to fix the problem fast!”

Dash sputtered and looked to her other friends. Her back was to me so she didn't see me lurking there. “What? That’s not what I said! I’m… too cool to cuddle!”

I had to stifle a laugh as I imagined Dash blushing in her chair.

“Girls, can we focus on the problem at hoof?” Twilight asked. “Dash, let’s leave tonight like you suggested and solve this quickly. It would look bad if friendship problems this close to Ponyville went unsolved, or expanded. Plus if we fix it quickly I can visit Celestia. I haven’t gotten to catch up with her in ages.”

“Sounds like it’s settled then,” Applejack added.

I walked up behind Dash’s chair and stepped beside it. “Hey snuggle bunny!”

She gasped and almost shot out of the chair in surprise, but it was pushed up too close to the table. “Gah! I knew there was somepony spying on me!”

Pinkie laughed and waved a hoof at me, and I nodded my thanks for her help in tormenting Dash a bit. I’d certainly miss having somepony around to keep me warm at night, especially when I would stay over at the cloud house. The clouds could get drafty at night, and as nice as pegasi magic was at keeping you from freezing, it didn’t keep you warm quite the same way a special somepony did.

“You’re incorrigible, Dawn,” Twilight said.

“Guilty. I just thought I’d fly Dash back to her house, but if you’re leaving immediately then I’m glad I dropped in so I can say goodbye.” I reached over with a wing to rub Dash’s back gently. She had an image to maintain that didn’t include too much mushy stuff in public.

“Thanks, Dawn.” She got out of the chair and walked with me over to get her saddlebags. “We’ve got most of what we need right here so I don’t need to stop by the house.”

Everypony got up and started gathering their things to head back into town for the remainder of the day.

“Be careful, and remember… grab me one of those snow globes at the train station,” I stated.

She rolled her eyes and whispered to me. “Hey, no need to hide your concern with jokes. We’ll be in and out in a couple of days.”

“Well,” I whispered back. “Guess you just need a kiss for good luck?”

I leaned forward and kissed her. To my surprise, she pushed closer and tilted her head. Dash pushed her tongue into my mouth and I felt my wings stretching a bit to show off my plumage. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the moment until she pulled back.

“Wow… who was giving who the good luck?” I asked. I shuffled my legs and I flapped my wings a couple times to close them.

“You need it more than me, I’m not the one always accidentally eating poison joke.” Dash smiled widely as she went over to Twilight near the open window.

“Hey, that was like... four times. Max!” I shouted. “Good luck you two!”

Twilight and Dash flew out the window and towards the train station.

I turned to walk out of the castle. As much as Dash tried to avoid making out in public, she’d never hesitate to try to get me excited in public. The joke’s on her though, turns out I enjoyed that little game and had gotten a lot better at not giving anypony an eyeful. Still, it’d be best to walk and not fly back to my house since it was the middle of the day.

As I was heading down the stairs into the foyer, Fluttershy came up beside me. “Oh, Dawn, was my advice helpful?”

I nodded. “It always is. But the friendship problem interrupted before I could ask Dash if we should move in together.”

“Ah. Well, I’m still certain she’ll say yes.” Fluttershy smiled. “You make her very happy.”

I extended a wing to give her a quick hug as we walked. “And you make both of us happy, you really are the best friend I could ask for.”

Fluttershy was kind to a fault, even standing up for me when Twilight had first suggested removing me from Dash’s mind as if I were a disease and not a sapient being. I’d recognized Dash was overly-protective of Fluttershy, and later learned why. Fluttershy had been bullied in flight camp for liking mares, and that realization bothered me too. I’d become similarly protective of Fluttershy, in addition to becoming a close friend of hers. She was my go to for all my advice when it came to dating mares, since Lyra’s expertise was more in bedding them.

“I… um… thanks.” Fluttershy blushed and I released my wing from her back.

We reached the castle’s front door and I pushed it open. “Take care, Fluttershy. I think I’ll go check in at the guard station to see if there are any missing ponies for me to track down. Then I’ll check the hospital to pick up some shifts with the emergency response team, and last I should make sure the Cutie Mark Crusaders aren’t causing any trouble. Then again, maybe I hope they are. They’re my job security, after all.”

“Okay, I have some animals to tend to. If you get lonely, feel free to stop by.”

“Thanks, have a good night.”