//------------------------------//
// A New Leaf 
// Story: All Smoke, No Mirrors 
// by Jinzou 
//------------------------------//

“Sunny.”

I felt something poke me in the forehead. I gave off an irritated groan, refusing to open my eyes.

“Sunny.” 

Another poke. The voice was high pitched and far too loud. 

“Sunny, wake up.”

I groaned again, opening my eyes to the annoyingly bright face of another pony. A yellow pony.

Noi. 

Who I was laying face to face with.

It took a second for that to sink in. As soon as it did, I lurched back and instantly got swamped with a powerful wave of nausea.

“Sunny, why were you hugging me? I mean I don’t not like hugs, but normally you ask a pony first and don’t just hug them in their sleep. And for that long. At least here in Ponyville. Is that normal for Kirin?"

Oh god, her voice was too loud.

“Wha-?” I managed. “I don’t… what?”

We were spared from an extremely awkward discussion as there were three soft knocks on the door.

I rolled off and hit the floor. The floor hit back with another wave of nausea. Somebody fit my head into a vice and was squeezing that bitch for all it was worth.

The absurdly loud sound of the door opening filled my existence, and I heard a sigh.

"Jenny." Golden's voice rang out. "I heard you had quite the night."

"A shitty metal band is using the inside of my skull for band practice." I groaned, covering my eyes with my forelegs.

Golden was silent for a few moments.

"Noi, dear, why don't you go make some of that sugary cereal you love so much? I left the box on the island counter. Your new sister and I need to talk." 

Noi gasped and sprinted out of the room. I heard a distant "Yes!" from the hallway.

I heard Golden pushing something across the ground.

"Eat this." She commanded, her tone impatient. "It will help with the hangover."

With a gargantuan effort, I raised my head and squinted at the tray in front of me. On it was eggs, toast, a clear glass of what appeared to be orange juice, and a white mug saying something in Equestrian. Or whatever their language was called.

I managed to push myself to a sitting position and grabbed the mug by pinching both forehooves together on either side. I smelled black coffee.

Well, it was no latte with foam art, but I did enjoy coffee in the mornings.

I took a deep sip and twisted my face up as the bitter taste assaulted my tastebuds. Kid body, different taste buds, I guess. Or just not used to the taste of coffee.

"Written Script tells me you had quite the night." Golden spoke.

"And let me guess, you're not angry, you're disappointed." I grunted, attacking the toast.

"In you, and in myself." 

I paused. The currently squished toast crumbled out of my hooves.

"Come again?"

"Listen, uh… Jenny…"

She got the name right. That's either a really good sign, or a really bad one.

"The hospital did tell me you had a history with alcohol abuse. I just didn't think a filly with a broken foreleg would be able to get into the back of one of our cupboards." Golden sighed. "Noi always needed help getting into them. And that's my fault. I might not have been actively enabling, but I should have found a way to lock it up."

My forehoof slowly found its way back to the floor. This was not going how I expected. I expected shouting, or her talking to me like I was a little kid which… well, it would make sense, to be fair.

Golden gestured to the space next to me. "Mind if I sit?"

I shook my head speechlessly.

"Do you know why I was so eager to foster you, Jenny?" Golden asked, making her way next to me and sitting too close for comfort. I scooched away.

"Either because you're such a kind, giving soul, or you didn't like seeing a little kid suffering with no family." I responded sarcastically.

"No, because you're not a little kid." Golden responded. "Are you? Well, you you. Not Sunny. I did want to foster her too, absolutely, but… sorry, Script and I were briefed on the whole 'separate identities' thing, but I'm not sure I really get it."

I'm not sure why her saying that shocked me so much, but it did. As I worked on picking my jaw up off of the floor, she continued.

"Jenny, I specifically wanted to help you because I was told of your  problem with addiction."

I paused again.

"You're bullshitting me." I stated.

"Watch that language!" Golden frowned and furrowed her brows. "And no, I'm not… pulling your leg."

"Well I'd appreciate that." I responded quickly. "It's already broken, doesn't need to be dislocated too."

Golden let out a laugh, and brought her hoof up to her mouth. Something about that just… filled me up with this weird feeling I couldn't explain.

"No. I wanted to help you because I've been right where you are before. Not with alcohol, but… I know how hard it gets. And that's why I want to apologize again about last night. Don't worry, this is going to be a dry household, and I'm gonna help you through this."

"What, with the power of friendship?" I replied sarcastically with a little chuckle.

"I was thinking more with the power of therapy and medicines that help with the urges." Golden gave me a small smile. "But friendship would be nice on the side."

If all this lady wanted was to be my friend… well I was perfectly okay with that. I mean, realistically I was closer in age to her than I was to Noi. Dunno how the dynamic would work with Sunny, though.

Why did I have to merge minds with a child?

"So… I'm not in trouble?" I ventured.

Golden sighed. "None of the parenting books or classes prepared me for this situation, so… stand by on that. I think the hangover itself will be enough punishment for now."

I moved on to the eggs. Well, I tried to. I couldn't pick up the fork with my dumb hooves, and didn't want to just gobble it right off the plate.

Golden saw me poking at the fork.

"Are you having grip problems?"

I laid back down. "Never learned."

Golden frowned as an eyebrow arched. "You've never learned to manipulate magical fields?"

I gazed up at her expressionlessly.

"What?"

Golden gently guided my good hoof to the fork.

"Now tense your hoof as hard as you can. Visualize the space between the hoof and fork disappearing."

As I did, the fork twitched, then seemingly magnetized weakly to my hoof. I picked my hoof up. It followed, barely hanging on.

"What the-" 

I flung my hoof to the left, and the momentum carried it up. I flung my hoof back to the right, and the fork went flying across the room.

My jaw dropped again. I feel the surprise might have hit harder if I wasn't queasy and feeling like something was trying to jackhammer out my forehead, but hey.

"Holy crap." I mustered.

"Language." Golden deadpanned as I went to retrieve the fork, plunging it into the eggs and trying to eat without knocking it off. 

I managed to get it hanging off my hoof again, and had to resort to kind of hanging the eggs above my mouth and trying to bite them off without pulling on the fork too hard.

With a heavy sigh Golden gently grabbed my hoof and righted the fork so I could eat normally. 

"I'm doing magic!" I exclaimed, ignoring the fact that I was probably acting like an excited little schoolgirl. Ooh, did this mean I could levitate shit?

I tried tensing my entire head and focusing on lifting the fork, but nothing happened. I tried doing anything with my horn, but just like my tail, I had no idea how to move my new appendages.

Golden let out a low chuckle. I was making a face similar to constipation and intense focus mixed together, so I can't exactly blame her.

"'Fraid unicorn magic is a bit more complex. I don't know how to teach that, but I'm sure we can find a tutor."

I mean that was all well and good, but one question had forced its way to the forefront of my mind.

"You said you wanted to take care of me specifically because I seemed like an addict." I started, rubbing my forehead in a somewhat valiant attempt to get the headache to fuck off. "Why?"

Golden let out a heavy sigh. "Though my vice of choice was different, I've known addiction too. I know just how hard it is to break."

The fork dropped from my hoof.

She was a recovered addict? But not to alcoholism, she said. So that left, what? Gambling? Drugs? Sex? I mean, maybe if she wasn't a horse and I was back in my old body, though I never was a fan of girls with orange hair.

"Gambling?" I guessed out loud.

"Oh by Luna, no." Golden laughed. "I'm a complete wreck with gambling."

Golden's gaze met the floor. Her ears moved to the sides of her head. "I'd appreciate you not telling Noi about this quite yet. I do intend on telling her when she's older, but not yet. No, I had a problem with painkillers."

Oh. That was unexpected.

"Codeine, specifically." She finished, letting out another sigh before meeting my gaze.

I'm somewhat ashamed to say my first thought was "It should be Coltdiene, following the pun names in the show". That's not something you joke about.

"Oh." I managed.

"The first week was so hard." Golden continued, staring off into space. "In fact, it was completely horrible until three moons had passed. That's when I started getting things under control. I spent so many nights when I was so impossibly close to relapse… and I did it alone."

Golden turned to face me finally. "And that's why I'm going to be next to you, every step of the way. I'm gonna make sure you're taken care of, okay? Gotta make sure my kids are good to go and be the best." She finished with a wink.

"Woah, woah." I waved a hoof. "I appreciate it, but I can handle it on my own, and I'm not your kid. You're just taking care of me 'till my sister can, right? Or well, Sunny's sister."

"According to a bunch of legal documents, I am your guardian at this time, so in the eyes of the law, you are my kid, and I plan on treating you like you were my own." Golden smiled. "And that second one will be between the three of you when she's old enough and has a stable living."

"That's uh…" I struggled to think of the words, feeling the hairs on the back of my neck raise up. "A really nice perspective, considering our first day together but… well, I'm sure Sunny would be fine with it, but I'm already an adult and I don't need guardians. I'd be set if I could get a little place and a job and just make my own way."

"I don't think you're gonna be able to get a setup like that as a little filly." Golden arched an eyebrow, still smiling.

"I'm not a little filly." I retorted, frowning at her. "Well, I mean I am, but, like… not me."

"Ah, so you are and aren't both? That clears it up." Golden chuckled.

I glared weakly at Golden. "I don't appreciate this back and forth, and I don't need to be treated like a kid. Sunny? Sure. She is one. I am not. I just want to work and make a life for myself. Build the one I already had back up."

Then again, that lifestyle wouldn't be fair to Sunny. It'd be robbing her of half her childhood just for my own stupid pride. Goddammit, why did I have to be bonded to another being?! Life was so much easier when I didn't have another consciousness to worry about.

Golden let out a light chuckle. "I don't think most businesses on the up and up would hire a foal, no matter how old the foal claimed to be. And good luck finding your own place to live even if. Sorry kiddo, looks like you're outta luck."

"Well…" I groaned. "Then I'll be a roommate. Let me work for my rent."

"I have a better idea." Golden smiled, poking my nose. I recoiled and screwed my face up. "While you're living under this roof, you're gonna help with chores, and in return, you get an allowance."

Much as I hated to admit it, looking at all the circumstances, her offer was fair, and her points good. Shit, life would be so much easier if I was put in the body of an adult.

"Ugh!" I groaned, face planting into the floor. I felt my ears point straight back, even though I didn't try to make that happen.

"Aw, it's not so bad. I'll do my best to make sure you're happy here, dear." Golden crowned, running a hoof through my mane and down my neck.

I moved away. "I am not a dear, and don't appreciate being pet."

Golden laughed loudly. "Oh, aren't you just a ray of sunshine? Guess that's where 'Sunny' came from, huh?"

"Do not call me that." I commanded.

"Aw." Golden crowned again, placing her hoof gently on my shoulder. "But it's such a cute nickname for such a cute little filly."

I sighed. "You don't actually believe I'm an adult, do you?"

Golden was quiet for a few moments.

"Well I haven't had much time around Sunny to compare you two, but you definitely talk more like an adult. Your behavior has been a bit… adolescent, though."

I raised my head and opened my mouth to rebuttal, but was struck silent.

I guess… she had a point. I mean, she could probably get in trouble for my actions last night, and she was offering me a really good life, despite my situation. No more bills, no more responsibility, and I didn't really have to deal with any of the issues I had in my own life. I mean, minus the psychological effects of the addiction, which was gonna be a bitch and a half to deal with. And even that, she'd offered to help. And here I was acting like I had to fight to get fair treatment.

Here I had a great chance at a second childhood, with a loving nuclear family dynamic and two younger fillies that already looked up to me, even though I'd done nothing but screw up since I got here. Well, that's assuming Sunny would forgive me for doing what I did to her body last night. She had been oddly quiet today…

"I…" I began. "Sorry, I know this is realistically better than any alternative, but just… everything is so starkly different. I'll help out and do my best to be good, but I don't want to be treated like a little foal, not when I'm fronting. Can we work something out?"

Golden gave me a small smile. She raised her hoof to bump. "I can work with that, champ."

I bumped her hoof in response. "Also, please don't call me that."

Golden nodded. "Noted. Now you can get some more rest. In a couple hours somepony is coming to give you a placement test for school. I wish you hadn't gotten hungover before it, but oh well, you live with the consequences of your actions, huh?"

My only response was another groan as she slowly got up, turned off the light, and closed the door behind her as she left the room.

It was just about when the door clicked shut that Sunny seemed to wake up.

"Ugggghhh." Sunny moaned. "Everything hurts."

"Hey, uh, Sunny." I hesitated, speaking aloud.

"Quietpleasemakeitstopquietpleasemakeitstop." She mumbled over and over.

"Listen, I'm really sorry about…" I started.

"You're sorry?" Sunny snapped back. I actually froze. This was the first time I'd actually heard her angry. "I trusted you. I trusted you the whole time and you keep hurting me! You're the worst sister ever!"

That sentence actually hurt. It reached through my chest, tore out my heart, and crushed it in front of my eyes. I felt my breathing pick up, and felt goosebumps break out over my forelegs.

We were both quiet for several moments.

"Sorry." Sunny whispered in her usual quiet tone. "Please don't be angry at me. I didn't mean to yell."

"No!" I argued out loud. "I f- I messed up. You should be angry at me! Don't just lie down and let others walk over you! Especially me!"

"No." Sunny responded, her voice growing weaker. "No. Being mad means others suffer. I'm... I'm not allowed to feel that way anymore."

I couldn't find words to respond with.

"You hurt us again." She spoke again, her voice getting stronger. "I know you don't mean to be a bad Kirin. Or um, a human. You don't mean to be bad."

"No, uh, I don't." I managed, rubbing my forelegs to make the goosebumps go away.

"I feel like we just drank poison."

I rubbed the side of my muzzle. "Honestly, we kind of did. I'm sorry, it was something… well, I needed it before I met you, and I can't function without it."

"You can't function without poison?" Sunny's voice took on a curious tone. "You must have had a very weak body. Or been poison-proof. Were you, like, a lizard?"

"No, like…" My gaze hit the floor. This was gonna be a hard discussion. "That poison? Alcohol? I drank it because… I'm trying to kill something inside of me."

"I don't understand." Sunny responded. "Does your species have something like the Nirik thing? ...Or is that why you asked Miss Nurse to get rid of you?

Shit. She had heard that.

"No." I rolled into my back. "These weird personal issues are solely my problem. It was like…"

I took a deep breath before continuing. I really didn't want to talk about my feelings. Especially with a kid. But I had to be fair.

I placed a hoof over my chest. 

"It's like... You have this hole here. You don't have a beating heart. Or at its best, it's old and broken, barely working. At its worst, it's completely gone. Everyone else is saying their hearts keep them warm and upbeat, making their way through life and not even having to put up a façade, but you never understood that.

"You can try to fill that void with things everyone says makes them happy, like kittens and chocolate, and maybe sometimes it will make a tiny spark, but you know that will never turn into a full flame. It's just shoveling... garbage into the hole. And you can tell it's not right.

"I never figured it out. The only thing that works for me is getting so fucke- messed up on drugs that I don't even realize there's supposed to be a heart there. A beating organ, spreading warmth to your whole body. That pile of garbage and fake smile isn't what everyone wears. It doesn't make the sparks any bigger. It just makes you think they are.

"So yeah, that's why I told the psychologist to get rid of me before I could twist you into something terrible and empty, Sunny. You may have a completely fucked past, but without me you'd still have a future."

"Oh." Was all Sunny could manage.

We both sat in silence for about a minute.

"You sound really sad. I think you need me to give you a niiiiice big hug." Sunny said. "That always makes me feel better."

"We share the same body." I retorted dryly. "How are you gonna do that?"

Sunny was quiet for a few moments, then took over control of the body. Quickly she wrapped her forehooves around herself. A moment later I found myself shunted into control of the body.

"There!" Sunny chirped. "Please feel better. For me?"

I bit down hard to try and fight the oncoming tears.

It didn't work.

"I'll try." I whispered. 

"Okay!" I could feel Sunny's warm smile from inside.

"Listen kid, I uh…" I burst out suddenly. "It's gonna be real hard to break the habit, so in return for doing my best to change who I am for you, I want something from you."

"Oh, um, okay." Sunny responded meekly, fear creeping into her voice. "What?"

"I want you to stop hiding all the time. We're both in a new environment, but this is your world, your body, and your species. I'm willing to be part of your life, not take it over."

I felt her let out a heavy sigh.

"Okay. Deal." She responded.

"Okay." I grinned. "Now here's the important question, since we have a placement test later today. Can you read Equestrian?" I focused my gaze on the writing on the mug.

"Uh, no. Not really."