"Ma'am, could you please let me into the library," a brown colt pleaded with the crazy mare standing on the roof. "I have a book report on the warring tribe's period to write-"
"NEVER!" Twilight bellowed with megalomaniacal insanity. "Deny my enemies access to resources! Check." Phase one of her plan was already complete. She had occupied the library, locking it up and barring others from entry. She now controlled all the knowledge of this pathetic town. With it, the intelligence of the community would collapse. Once the ponies of this town were desperate for books, they would declare her allegiance to her or perish.
"OK, that's it!" The colt said with exasperation. "I'm getting the sheriff."
"That's right," Twilight boasted to the foal trotting away from her. "Spread the word: there is a new villain in town! Once people know of my grand designs, my ascent to power shall be inevitable!" She pulled out her checklist. "Boast of my plans with great boasting. Check." Twilight smirked evilly. "Who shall be foolish to challenge me and my evil ways!" Twilight smirked as she prepared to commit another evil deed.
"Excuse me," an orange stallion said politely from below ground. "The door to the library appears to be stuck, and I need to do research. Can you help unstick it?"
"Don't worry, sir," Twilight said very politely. She got down from the roof and, using her magic, she unlocked the door and yanked it open. "There you are-," Twilight paused when she saw what happened: she slammed the door open too far and accidentally knocked the stallion out.
"Orange Grove?!" Twilight looked and saw a yellow stallion running toward the unconscious pony with horror. He bent down to check on his companion. "Are you OK? What happened?"
Twilight felt immediate remorse for what happened. "I'm sorry," the mare said, her eyes wet with shame. "I guess I put too much force into my magic and slammed the doors into him."
The yellow stallion looked at Twilight with no small amount of anger while tending to Orange Grove. "What were you thinking, bursting in like that?!" The yellow stallion exclaimed at Twilight in anger. "You could've broken his muzzle."
"I'm so sorry, "Twilight wailed, tears running down her eyes and her heart heavy. "I just wanted to be a murderous warlord. I never meant to hurt anypony!"
"Excuse me?" The yellow stallion asked with a mixture of confusion and disdain. "Warlord?"
"What happened?!" A green Earth pony stallion with orange har interrupted. Based on his apron and hard cider cutie mark, he was some kind of bartender. "Desert Sands, what-,"
"Bar Tab," the pony named Desert Sands said. "This crazy mare knocked Orange Grove out!" The bartender glared at Twilight for a moment before tending to the unconscious stallion. "What were you going on about with being a warlord?!" The yellow pony asked Twilight with contempt in her voice.
The lavender unicorn looked at the Earth pony with a sheepish smile. "I was planning to become a desert warlord, and I figured I would take over the library to prove my power and cruelty, bringing countless warlord bandits on my side to aid me in my conquest."
The yellow stallion looked at the purple-eyed mare like she had come from some other planet, while the bartender fed the unconscious orange stallion a bottle of what Twilight presumed what a hard drink to wake him up. "You thought this would be some cowpony novel set in the Warring Herds era?"
"Uh, well," Twilight muttered nervously, "maybe."
"Let me guess: you're some Canterlot brat who thought we were all a bunch of country bumpkins, didn't you?" Bar Tab asked with an unimpressed frown.
A sheepish smile formed on Twilight's face. "Uh, well-,"
"Despite how we look and sound, it may surprise you to know we do have things like law, education, and technology around here, you know," the yellow stallion muttered in annoyance.
Twilight looked at her list and back at the two stallions with confusion. "So you don't have outlaws terrorizing you?"
"No," the yellow stallion replied.
"Highwayponies robbing carriages?"
"No."
"Innocent mares being tied to railroad tracks?"
"No."
"Uh...evil property developers trying to destroy this town for commercial gain?"
"Uh, we do have the rule of law and property rights," the yellow stallion lectured in a sarcastic tone. "A property developer can't just knock down a town, willy-nilly. He could seize the property he wants through eminent domain, but that requires a court battle that would take so much time, it would easier to buy the land they want."
"And even if his or her case is successful, he would still have to compensate the owners of the seized property," the green stallion added.
Twilight looked at the two stallions with no small amount of confusion.
"I'm a member of town zoning," the yellow Earth pony explained with a smug smile.
"And I did graduate from Manhattan College with a degree in business administration," the green bartender said with a mocking grin as Orange Grove, the orange pony, regained consciousness, sputtering and coughing from the hard drink he had to ingest. "It's shocking that we're not a bunch of dumb rubes, ain't it?" Bar Tab replied with no small amount of disdain in his voice.
Before Twilight could respond, another pony trotted in. It was a red Earth pony stallion with a black mustache and had a brown stetson on his head. The brown colt Twilight scared accompanied him.
"That's her, sheriff!" The brown colt yelled while pointing a hoof and glaring at Twilight with contempt. "That's the mare who wouldn't let me in the library."
"What's going on?" The red stallion asked in a stern voice.
"Sheriff," the green stallion pleaded. "That crazy mare knocked out Orange Grove."
"That mare also broke my teeth," the orange stallion declared, his mumbling indicating he was in some pain.
"Sheriff?" Twilight asked with some trepidation in her voice. It was then that Twilight noticed a gold star near the stallion's withers. The stallion gave Twilight a neutral but still scrutinizing glare.
"So you illegally occupied a public building and committed an assault on another pony?" Twilight, to her horror, realized she was being interrogated and just gave the stallion a sheepish smile. An unimpressed form on the stallion's face. "I strongly suggest you give me your name and come with me to the station." Twilight felt her blood go cold as she realized she was in trouble.
"So...let me get this straight," the Sheriff, whose name she learned was Hard Tack, asked her idly while glancing at her list with reading glasses. It was a fitting name since that was his cutie mark. Twilight was in an interrogation room. After asking for her personal information doing some paperwork, he returned to the cell and interrogated her. "You decided to turn to a life of crime and create a bunch of hoopla because....you got booted from a wedding?"
Twilight felt a sheepish grin form on her face. "It does sound...kind of silly... now you mention it."
"No, silly is when I arrested a mare who kidnapped ponies and stole their cutie marks because her best friend moved away," the stallion muttered with enormous disdain. "This," the stallion declared while lifting up her villainy to-do list, "is completely insane!" Twilight flinched again at the harshness of the stallion. He glanced at the list again. "You thought the sheriff would," he paused to read the list, " 'be a powerless corrupt drunk with no authority and even less backbone'?" He slammed his glasses on the table and glared at Twilight again.
"Well, that's what happens in the books," Twilight defended feebly.
"First of all, I didn't get this position by sitting around and chugging whisky all day. I got my position through training and a civil service exam. I earned my position through my services to the Crown-"
"You love boasting about that," some mare said with a sly look, butting into the room, "don't ya Hard Tack?" She was a pink mare with an orange mane and a cutie mark that looked like sticks of butter.
"Oh hush up, Margarine," the stallion muttered with a mixture of playfulness and annoyance. When the mare left the interrogation room, the Sheriff turned back to glare daggers at the remorseful unicorn. "Second of all, it is clear you think that we're all just a bunch of dumb hicks who don't matter." He held up the list furiously to Twilight. "The ponies around here may not be as sophisticated as your intelligent self, but we have lives, and your idiotic stunts disrupt them." Twilight bent her neck in shame. "You occupied a public building, denied a colt access to a valuable resource, AND put Orange Grove in the dentist's office." He finished with an expression full of disappointment. "But all that is just a game to you isn't it?"
Twilight flinched and sighed. "I'm sorry. I guess I was acting dumb."
"Well, I'm glad your sorry," the stallion muttered disdainfully. "But...sorry isn't enough." The red stallion got up from his stool and trotted out of the room. Twilight looked out of the tiny glass window, and what she saw made her jaw drop. He was preparing some kind of rope in the shape of a noose. Twilight shook with terror. She would be strung from the tree by a lynch mob. Time slowed as Twilight waited for the pony to prepare her for execution. It was what she deserved, but she at least hoped he would let her write one last letter saying goodbye to everypony. The pony burst in. "Please sign this form-,"
"DON'T LYNCH ME, PLEASE!" Twilight pleaded. "I have files that need organizing-," she did a double-take. "Wait, what?"
"Sign this form, agreeing to your day of trial, and you'll be free to go," Hard Tack muttered.
"Wait, you're not going to hang me?" Twilight asked.
"Why would I hang you?!" Hard Tack replied with annoyance.
"You were making a rope, and since this place has mob justice-,"
Hard Tack let out an annoyed sigh and face-hoofed. "Nopony has performed a public execution in Equestria for over a century, and even if it was, none of your stunts would be worthy of being executed over," he said in a softer voice.
"What about the rope?" Twilight timidly asked.
Hard Tack rolled his eyes and smirked. "I just like practicing knots."
Twilight stared at the pony for a few moments. "So you're just...letting me go? Why?"
"When you were in the cell, I used your information to do a background check on you," Hard Tack declared. "Up until now, you had one of the cleanest criminal records any mare could ever have. That means you're eligible to be released until your court date next month."
"Really?" Twilight said. "So I won't be going to prison?"
"Since you're also apparently a national hero," Hard Tack said with a wry smile, "you'll probably just have your wages garnished to pay off Orange Grove'sdental bills in lieu of jail." An amused smile appeared on the stallion's mouth. "Besides, you don't seem at all like the criminal type, Ms. Sparkle. And despite everything, I think you're a just a good pony havin' a bad day."
Despite her technically being in trouble, Twilight couldn't help but laugh. "I guess I was being ridiculous," the lavender unicorn conceded. "So what now?"
"Well, when ah let you go, you can take the train home." The Sheriff let his muzzle fall into a hoof with a thoughtful frown. "Since the sun is setting, I suppose the last train has left already. But you can rent a motel-,"
"Uh," Twilight said sheepishly."I...don't have any bits."
The Sherrif's eyes narrowed. "You were you robbed?"
"Uh...I kind of...let myself be...robbed," Twilight admitted in a tiny voice.
The Sherrif's eyes narrowed in disdain. "You let yourself be robbed? Why?"
"It was part of my to-do list," Twilight told the stallion as if that explained everything. "I figured I would be reimbursed through the pillaging I would do once I amassed my warlord army." The stallion just stared at the mare with disbelief.
"Do we want that crazy pony in our home?" Margarine asked Hard Tack in a soft tone. The married couple watched from their kitchen as Twilight organized Hard Tack's filing cabinet. It was Hard Tack's least favorite chore, yet the lavender mare acted like a little filly sliding down a slide while doing it.
"Yay, organization!" She chirped.
"Are you kidding," Hard Tack muttered, "she let herself get robbed on purpose. If we throw her out, she'll be dead in an hour."
Margarine sighed. "At least she's helping us pick up the house." She trotted to the wood-burning stove. "I'll make dinner."
"Do you really think your friends and family would disown you over something so petty?" Margarine asked Twilight in a sympathetic tone. The three ponies were eating at the dinner table. Hard Tack and Margarine's disdain for the unicorn faded as they chatted with her over a daisy casserole. They began seeing her as a well-meaning mare who was a little bit troubled.
"They were mad at me," Twilight said miserably. She put down her fork, too upset to eat. "And after what I did today, they probably-"
"Ms. Sparkle," Hard Tack said in a softer tone. "I wasn't happy with what you did, but I can see you regret your actions. As long as you pay your debts and say sorry, I'm sure they won't be mad at you."
Twilight frowned with genuine misery on her face. "But they got mad at me-,"
"Because there was a wedding going on, sweetie," Margerine added in a soothing tone. "Listen, Ms. Sparkle. Just because the ponies in your life can get mad doesn't mean they don't care about you."
"I guess," Twilight remarked.
"I'm sure once the wedding is over, they'll be in good enough spirits to understand," Hard Track added in a soft tone.
"Really," Twilight asked with some hope in her voice.
"Honey," Margerine said. "We've been married for longer than you've been alive."
"Says you, I'm 27," Hard Tack said in jest.
"The point is, darling, all relationships go through ups and downs," Margerine pointed out gently. "And you and your friends have faced down Discord, and your decency is legendary. I doubt one stupid act will make them forget that."
A relieved smile appeared on Twilight's face. "Thanks, you two. And thanks for letting me stay here."
"Just stay out of trouble," Hard Tack with a mixture of genuine warmth and firmness.
"I will," Twilight said. Feeling some weight off her shoulders, Twilight ate the veggie casserole more joyfully than before.
Twilight found herself being roused from her sleep by some hard shaking. She was sleeping on Hard Tack and Margarine's couch. While not her first choice for a bed, she was too exhausted by stress to care. She woke up to Hard Tack looking at her gravely.
"Hard Tack, what's wrong?" Twilight asked.
"Canterlot is...under attack," the stallion said in a severe tone.
Chrysalis never felt greater joy than before. Her swarm conquered Canterlot, Celestia, and that pathetic pink princess were captive, Shining Armor was fully under her spell and providing her with enough love magic to battle alicorns, and the Elements of Harmony rendered useless with one of their own having fled in shame.
She looked at the five so-called Bearers. She pinned them to the wall with her slime, their entire bodies were encased in cocoons from the neck down, and they had hopeless, angry expressions on their face. She flew up to them, relishing in digging the knife even deeper. "To think, if you hadn't driven your poor friend away," Chrysalis gloated to the heroes, "you all could've avoided all this."
"SHUT UP!" The blustery blue pegasus shouted defensively. "When I get out of here-,"
"You haven't won yet, ya oversized varmint," Applejack said defiantly.
"Yeah, you meanie," Fluttershy said with an unusual amount of bite. "Equestria's forces will come after-,"
"My power has beaten your pathetic princess," Chrysalis said, glancing back at the alicorn who she trapped in a cocoon. "There is no power left that can stop me!"
"There is," a powerful voice declared. Chrysalis looked back and saw a frustratingly familiar sight. "THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP!" Twilight declared bombastically. Twilight then pulled out her list. "Triumphantly declare that friendship is mighty. Check."
"Twilight," Pinkie Pie declared happily. All the other bearers were utterly relieved.
Chrysalis looked enraged. "How could you possibly return! Your friends and family backstabbed you! Betrayed you! Left you to wallow-,"
"You're right," Twilight said with a hint of self-loathing. "I was upset. I nearly threw myself into exile. But you know what I learned? My friends may not be perfect, but I'd be stupid to leave them over one mistake. And if you think I'm going to let something so petty get in the way of helping them, you must be a lonely and pathetic being." Twilight took out her list again. "Defend friendship and belittle opponent. Check."
The Changeling Queen did not take kindly to that if the growl on her muzzle and her horn lighting up was any indication. "How cute. But I still have the power of an alicorn, pony." Her horn glowed as she prepared to strike down the insolent mare. "You can't stand up to that."
"But I can!" Something slammed into the Changeling Queen and pinned her to the wall. A blue, furry something. Chrysalis' anger was replaced by fear as she saw the blue eyes of the night princess glaring at her.
"Didn't expect me did you?!" Princess Luna said with a wry smile, and she pulled her hoof back. "I'm not surprised. I was ignored over a millennia ago, and it drove me a bit mad. But now I realize there are benefits to not being noticed." Luna's smile grew wider. "Like being the element of surprise." Luna, using her strength, punched Queen Chrysalis into a wall. Chrysalis shrieked and blasted the night alicorn, who effortlessly dodged. The two soon engaged in a massive duel in the middle of the wedding chapel.
"Miss Twilight," Luna ordered. "Go to your friends. I shall hold her off!"
"Some lesser princess will not deny me my power!" Chrysalis yelled as she blasted Luna.
Luna dodged with a smug expression. "How terrible for you. Despite all your power, you can't beat this lesser princess!"
Chrysalis shrieked in a rage as she fired off another energy blast.
Twilight ran up to her friends, only to be blocked by a wall of Changelings.
"You don't have the energy to blast us all," Pharynx, the Changeling commander, barked with no small amount of malice.
"But we do!" A massive fireball blew the Changelings away. The captive bearers looked with shock. Two Earth ponies, a pink mare and a red stallion of middle age and arrived, hauling in a massive cannon.
"Who's that?" Rainbow asked with a mixture of confusion.
"Two new friends," Twilight said happily. "New friends saving me at the last moment. Check."
"Don't worry, Twilight," Hard Tack declared happily. "We'll handle the bugs."
"Go to your friends, sweetheart!" Margarine said. "We'll clean up this infestation."
Twilight ran to her friends and craned her neck to look up at them.
"Twilight," Fluttershy pleaded. "Can you get us down?"
"Of course." Using her horn, Twilight let out a laser that freed Fluttershy and Rainbow. Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and Applejack were later released, with the two pegasi catching them before hitting the ground. The skilled unicorn pulled out her list. "Free friends. Check."
"OK, Twilight, now what?" Rainbow asked. Twilight took a fancy box out of her saddlebags. She opened it, revealing the Elements of Harmony that were inside. Five of the Bearers put on their necklaces while Twilight put on her tiara, and together they unleashed a magic wave that spread across Canterlot. "Reunite with friends and unleashing the Rainbow Laser of Doom: check."
The Elements freed every cocooned pony from captivity, knocked the Changelings out, released Shining from his daze, drained Chrysalis of her magic, and returned Canterlot to its pristine beauty.
Twilight found herself being hugged by her friends, Shining, and Princess Celestia, who threw a barrage of apologies at her when it was over.
"We're sorry, Twilight!"
"We should've listened to you!"
"Can you ever forgive-,
"Girls," Twilight said, pushing them away with a reassuring smile. "There's nothing to forgive. Even though I was right, I acted like a complete nutcase at the rehearsal. I shouldn't have expected anypony to believe me when I did that."
"But we, to a certain extent, drove you to that," Rarity muttered shamefully, "by being so obsessed with the wedding, we completely ignored your feelings."
"Yeah, you did," Twilight pointed out with a frown. She glanced at the sheriff couple with a small smile before glancing back at her friends with a big smile. "But I'm not going to let that get in the way of our friendship. You guys are more important to me than a dumb grudge." Twilight took out her list. "Forgive friends and assure them that the strength of our friendship is greater than any hardship. Check."
"What matters is we're all safe," Shining added. His eyes widened with horror. "Oh no. Where's Cadence!"
"Yes," Luna said to the downed Changeling Queen with no small amount of malice, "where is my adopted niece?"
Despite being defeated, Chrysalis smiled in spite. "She's gone forever."
"LIAR!" Shining bellowed, tackling the Queen and pinning her to the ground with his strong hooves. "WHERE IS SHE?"
"There is nothing you can do to make me talk! Torture me. Send me to Tartarus. Turn me into a statue! If I can't have Equestria, I can revel in your misery of never seeing Cadence again."
Hard Tack approached the defeated Queen with a sly smile. "I suppose there is some community service that can jog your-,"
"SHE'S IN THE CAVES! SHE'S IN THE CAVES!" Chrysalis declared fearfully. "I SWEAR! Please don't make me do community service! I beg you!"
"Did you want to end up like that?" Margarine asked Twilight, gesturing at the defeated Queen.
"Thanks for helping me dodge that bullet," Twilight said with a sheepish smile.
"Guards!" Princess Celestia commanded. Shining Armor and other guards stood in attention. "Princess Cadence has been trapped underground for several days. We must find her and possibly prepare for her some medical care." Shining and his fellow guards immediately galloped out of the room to search for Cadence with a salute.
"Should we join them?" Twilight asked Princess Celestia.
"I think they have that covered," Princess Celestia said. "For now, I think we need to rest from what has been a trying few days."
"And throw Twilight a Thanks-For-Saving-Us-And-Still-Wanting-To-Be-Our-Friend-Party," Pinkie Pie chirped.
"Yes," Princess Celestia said. "I believe that is also in order." Princess Celestia said with a grateful smile to her faithful student. The two stared at each other before joining in a warm hug. A few small tears fell down Twilight's face. They were happy tears. She knew that whatever challenges she faced, she would always be Celestia's student. And with her friends joining in, she was more sure than ever that their friendship was more potent than the machinations of some pathetic monster.
"Wait," Twilight said with a stern tone, "hugging after this was not on the list." Everypony frowned, only for Twilight to start snickering. "I'm just messing with you guys." She pulled out her list. "I did put hugging on the list." The hugging resumed, and everypony let out a laugh, partly out of relief, and partly because they knew their friendships were still intact, no matter what they faced.
"Hugging and celebrating the overcoming of another obstacle. Check."