The Unstoppable Moron

by aegishailstorm


The level of nonsense I deal with on a daily basis is unparaled

The 9 of them continued their way south. William walked in silence, far ahead of the rest of them. Grumbling to himself. Finally he turned back to them.

"Where exactly are you dragging us Twilight? You said south, were exactly south?" She looked at him, confused.

"Well, I didn't exactly catch that part-"

"Oh really? You didn't catch it? Well then how are we supposed to know were to go?"

"She said to find the queen of the Hippo's." William put his hand on his forehand and groaned.

"And pray tell, where might that be!?" She didn't answer him back.

"Yep, that's what I thought." William scowled, looking off into the distance. For all he knew, this jurney that he had willingly gone along for could take days, or even weeks on foot. Which may not have been much for his equine compainions, but he was in no way ok with this. As the hours went on, he slowly began to grow more an more tired, he took a look at his watch.
It read 8:00 PM, he looked up to see that it was still bright outside, that the sun had still not set, it sat just at the edge of the horizon. Irritated and exausted, he sat down on a nearby stump.

"All of you, stop walking."

"Why? Its still daytime." Asked Joey.

"My watch says its 8:00 PM!"

"Oh."

"That, and I'm tired, we make camp here!"

"But we didn't bring any-" Rainbow dash was cut off when William snapped his fingers, and a camp stove, and 9 olive green tents appeared in front of them.

"You were saying? Now, make yourselves at home. Joey, Rainbow, go look for food, preferably something we can all eat." He gestured to himself. I'm tired, wake me when you're back, or if the storm kings forces find us." Joey rolled his eyes, but obliged. The 2 of them headed off into the wood, William reclined back on a cot, and began to fall asleep. He soon found himself reawaken by Joey, who had returned, thankfully with something edible he got off his cot, and crawled outside his tent to see what they had found. Blueberries.

"Well, that's good, but we're going to need something a tad bit more substantial. "He shrugged, and devoured his portion, returning to his tent as soon as he was finished. Collapsing on his cot, he was asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

"Sure is strange one ain't he?" Asked Applejack

"Indeed he is." Replied Joey.


The next day William to pinkie yelling in his ear.

"GAHHHHH! Can a person get any quiet in this world?!" She, didn't respond, bouncing out of his tent. He got to his feet and stumbled out of his tent. Looking around to find the six, spike, and Joey waiting for him.

"Ya'll couldn't let me have a few more hours. No? Well, lets go." he snapped his fingers, and the tents disappeared. They continued walking towards...Where ever they were headed. He looked back up at the sky, the sun seemed to have magically moved back to the far side of sky, despite night never occurring, and the moon never rising.

"William, question." Joey trotted up to him. "What's wrong with the sun?"

"Well, that's a very good question..." He gave him a basic rundown of how the solar cycle of this world worked. Or at least, how he had been told it worked. After all, he still didn't fully trust the Equestrian government. Williams explanation hadn't been enough to satisfy him, so he trotted back to Twilight and her friends, hopping they would elaborate more. Unfortunately, their response was the same, he went back to his friend, and began ranting.

"You're ok with changing species, but their explanation for how the sun and moon work in their world isn't good enough for you?"

"Yes, and for the record, I am completely fine with being one of these ponies. Because of these." He extended his wings.

"Stop, now." William motioned for Joey to leave him be.

The next five days went on mostly without incident. The 9 of them crossed mountain ranges, forded rivers, passing signs of the storm kings conquest. And occasionally stopping in towns to rest. Usually being thrown out on account of either Joey's confusion, Williams demeanor, or a combination of the 2. At last, they had finally made it all the way to Equestria's border. Where the plains of southern Equestria met the harsh desert of the badlands.

"So, the forest wasn't enough universe, now you're making me trek through desert?" He swapped out his helmet for a nice desert brown combat hat. He checked his camel pack, 2.5 liters of water. He groaned.

"Tell me, are there by any chance any wells, or you know, water source's out there?" He found that he was alone, and the Joey, and the other 7 of them were already making there way into the desert.

"Eh, fine, when they're dying of dehydration I ain't helping them." He headed down towards them. He was not the only one displeased with Twilights decision.

10 minutes later...

Joey spoke up. "Twilight, why did you drag us out here?"

2 hours later...

"I'm sweating buckets, can we please find some shade?" Twilight looked back at him, then back at her friends. They soon found a rock outcropping, and sat down under it. They noticed that William was surprisingly unfazed by the desert.

"Hey William, I thought you'd be in much more pain than you are right now-"

"Alright, first of all Joey, it's not actually that hot, ok, its 102 degrees in the sun right now, maybe if you didn't have all that fur you'd be more com-"

"Oh really? Your bringing that up again? What's with you, every single time I bring this kind of stuff up, hooves, wings, whatever, you always shoo away from it, why?"

"Joey, just stop it. Here, have a cactus." He stepped out from under the overhang, grabbing a barrel cactus which he had spotted earlier. He cut off its top, and passed it to him.

"You're welcome." Joey stared at him for a moment, and than drank the water inside it.

"Were'd you learn that?" Asked Twilight.

"Man vs wild."

"What's that?"

"Nevermind, given the expression on your faces, I take it you want some as well?" They gave him a collective nod.