There was a certain degree of absurdity to seeing tiny colorful horses in elegant evening wear. To Kirk, it was particularly strange, but by far not the strangest gala, party, or ball he had ever attended. He had several times attended such an event completely nude, and in at least one case he was supposed to be that way.
The vast majority of guests in attendance were female, confirming Rainbow Dash’s assertion that the population was probably mostly mares. A few were obviously military, wearing dress versions of their normal uniform, while many others wore more diverse clothing—but it usually split into two forms. Light-colored ponies, which Kirk assumed to be Equestrian, tended to wear a diverse range of creative and extravagant gowns. Darker and gray ponies—most of whom Kirk supposed were Lunar—tended to wear black, with hard components of armor and accessories made of strange silver. And of course the ruffs. Lunar ponies were apparently fans of extravagant ruffs.
From what Kirk could understand, there were at least three basic races of ponies: unicorns, Pegasi, and default ponies that had neither wings nor horns but that appeared significantly more muscular. There was an additional fourth race, apparent only in the Lunar group, that had exceptionally fluffy ears and leathery bat-like wings. Many of those wore dress uniforms in the style of the Lunar military, although not all. That seemed to make up the majority of the population. Although Kirk also could have sworn he saw a zebra somewhere. He had no idea how many types of ponies there were, or if a zebra or donkey even counted as a pony at all.
Regardless of what they may or may not have been, the ponies appeared greatly astounded by the presence of aliens in their midst. Most appeared afraid, but all stared, usually from a safe distance. There were various murmurs between them, and obviously excitement in the success of their space program. Kirk did his best to imagine how it felt to them. To a pre-warp human, the presence of an alien at a formal state function would likely have caused violent societal uphevel. Equestria, though, had numerous species of sentient beings, so perhaps the sight was not as surprising. Rather, the implication of it was. That there was far more life in the universe beyond their world. This translated, Kirk surmised, to a sense of wonder, curiosity, and a passion to answer all the questions it produced. And he was the embodiment of that sentiment.
He could not help but smile. He turned to Spock, also clad in a standard dress uniform, who could not help but not smile ever. “Lighten up, Spock, it’s a party.”
“I am demonstrating the same degree of levity as I ordinarily do.”
“And that’s exactly the problem, Spock. Try to have some fun.”
“I am a Vulcan, Captain. We do not ‘fun’.”
Kirk sighed, and started to scan the crowd for the Princess. It should not have been difficult; after all, she was three times the height of a mortal pony and slightly luminescent.
“However,” said Spock.
Kirk stopped. “What?”
Spock paused. “Captain, do you not notice something unusual with this situation? Concerning the clothing, in particular?”
“Yes, Spock, it’s ponies in dresses. We expected that already.”
“Indeed. Although the ponies within the dresses are neither my concern nor the object of my observation.”
Kirk groaned. It was apparent that Spock was extremely displeased by being forced to attend a formal function instead of being permitted to science. He was therefore making things difficult. Kirk knew the only option was to humor him.
“What exactly is the object of your observation, then?”
Spock pointed discretely at a pony with a tall, flowing hood. “That dress incorporates several shapes and seam ordinations associated with Ariolian formal wear.” He pointed to another, wearing a flowing white gown, “while that one bears the distinct profile of highland Deltan ceremonial robes.” He gestured to another, her body wrapped in flowing, colorful cloth. “And that one bears pattern motifs of traditional Earth garments. The chiropteran pony to your left also has unmistakably Klingon motifs inlaid into her armor, and the one beside her has a Romulan collar.”
“Spock, since when were you so knowledgeable about interstellar fashion?”
Spock tilted his head. “Captain, I am a Vulcan.”
“That...doesn’t answer the question.”
“Regardless, at least half of the formal wear in this room draws distinct motifs and styles from over ninety seven distinct cultures across nineteen world.”
Kirk considered this for a moment. He did not like the implications of it, but did not fully understand them either. “Spock, is there a possibility that it is a coincidence?”
“It is unlikely, however not impossible.”
Kirk nodded, unsure what to think of the new information. “I am going to find the Princess.”
“To conduct diplomacy, I’m sure.”
“Of course, Spock, we’re delegates from the Federation. We need to make a good impression. Why don’t you go and...I don’t know, mingle?”
“I am Vulcan, Captain. We do not ‘mingle’. I will, however, conduct scientific observations on the behavior of these various small horses.”
With that, Spock waded off into the crowd. Kirk sighed. He was not sure where Spock was off too, and had no idea where M’Ress had gone. Those were not technically his concern, though. His concern was finding the Princess in order to conduct diplomacy upon her.
Something brushed near his leg. Kirk looked down to find Rainbow Dash. She had worn a dress uniform, one cut specifically to allow for her wings. Several large medals were pinned to her chest, apparently for the heroism that had cost her her the ability to fly. She was also apparently eating an entire shrimp cocktail which she had managed to balance on one hoof.
“You clean up well.”
“I clean up shrimps well,” she replied as she guzzled more shrimp and drank the sauce.
“Can ponies even eat shrimp?”
“I just did. I’m going to drain the whole cider supply, I can’t do that on an empty stomach.”
“Alcoholic cider, or the kind that’s just juice?”
“I don’t ask and they don’t tell me, but it stops some of the implant pain, so who cares?”
Kirk sighed. “Do you know where Princess Celestia is?”
Rainbow Dash set the empty basin of shrimp onto the head of a passing servant and pointed. “Over there, greeting guests. Same as every year.”
“Thanks.”
Kirk left the rainbow pony to her attempt to eat another entire shrimp cocktail—and then possibly to drink her weight in cider. He instead moved in the direction she had gestured, the ponies before him parting as he passed, staring and whispering at the alien in their midst.
Then he saw her and, indeed, she was not hard to miss. Upon getting relatively close, though, he had to pause.
She was not naked. Instead, she had dressed in pure white robes fixed with various pieces of gold assembled into delicate motifs of the sun, including a component that rose high against the rear of her neck and linked to her horn through a series of fine golden chains. The dress, Kirk also noted, had a slit all the way up to the sun on her flank, revealing the large golden boots or shoes she wore.
It was a rather breathtaking sight—and was contrasted almost completely by her sister beside her. Luna had elected for something far less elegant but probably, at least in her opinion, more regal; she seemed overstuffed with black fabric in a pattern that was a cross between some kind of florid dress and a military uniform, complete with armored segments over various parts of her body apparently meant to be ornamental. Her head was almost buried in the largest possible ruff, and was engaged in thorough conversation with a somewhat frightened looking pony holding drinks.
“Indeed, it is a misconception that the moon represents a penal colony! In fact, it is a refuge for the ponies that cannot adjusteth their beings to the lifestyle of the surface! There is comparatively little penaling on the surface of the moon, and we in fact only rarely penal!”
“Except for the public floggings,” added Celestia.
“Except for the public—sister! We require the public floggings! Regular beatings boost morale!”
Kirk approached. “Am I interrupting?”
“Yes, you are, alien!" She glared at the server. "This heratic hath accused us of excessive penaling!”
“Luna, it’s not a verb--”
“We hath sayethed it as a verb, therefore it hath been made a verb!” She glared at the pony. “Is not this so, small mortal? Agree with your Princess!”
The pony squeaked and held up the tray of drinks. “P—punch?”
Luna’s pupils narrowed. “A threat? So you hath elected to challenge our divinity, then?”
“She means the drinks.” Celestia snatched a pair, levitating them through the air, and gave one to Kirk. She sipped from the other. “Try it,” she said, gesturing with her glass to Kirk’s. “It’s good.”
Kirk took a sip. It was excessively sweet but not terrible. At least there were not tumors in it. That he knew of.
“Thank you, your Majesty,” he said, bowing.
Celestia covered her mouth and giggled. “Oh Captain, so formal!”
“It is not improper for these rabble to bow before us,” snapped Luna. She gestured to Kirk to rise. “This gesture is expected, mortal.”
Celestia elbowed her sister. “Luna, he’s a guest. You don’t have to be so stiff.”
“I already told you, we do not do that anymore--”
“Luna. No. Not what I meant. Focus.”
“On what?”
“I like your dress,” added Kirk, gesturing to Celestia. He pointed at Luna. “Yours too.”
Celestia almost blushed, but Luna darkened thoroughly. “Why thank you,” said the elder Princess, “it is tradition for the Princess to appear nude before her subjects, but I thought it might be better to change the rules. Especially considering how Lunar mores seem to require clothing most of the time.”
“The moon is a frigid mistress,” said Luna with a degree of pride.
“Clearly,” added Kirk, causing Celestia to suppress a giggle and for Luna to nod in agreement.
“It’s actually even more comfortable,” said Celestia, swishing the trail of her dress and clearly showing Kirk the impressive slit up the side. “It feels like I’m wearing nothing at all. What they say about Rarity is most certainly true.”
“Rarity? What’s that?”
“Not whatk, Jim, who. She’s Equestria’s most famous fashion designer.” Celestia gestured out to the crowd of ponies. “She designed most of the dresses here. I consider myself lucky to have gotten a place on her list with how busy she’s been in the last few years.”
“Sister. You could order her to maketh the dress whenever you please, or a hundred of them. On pain of suspension.”
Kirk raised an eyebrow. “Princess, you really do seem to enjoy corporal punishment, don’t you?”
“It be the golden rule, to treat others as you beleiveith you ought to be treated.”
“So,” said Celestia, “you’re saying you want someone to flog you?”
Luna blushed severely, her nose scrunching in the process. “No?” She immediately picked up a whole pineapple and began to munch on it with great vigor.
Kirk was about to mention something else when something caught Celestia’s attention.
“Excuse me, Jim,” she said, stepping past him toward a pair of ponies that had approached her.
Kirk observed them, sipping his overly sweet punch. They were unicorn males, a rare sight indeed, and unusually tall for their species; both were wearing what seemed to be expensive suits that were so tacky that even Kirk could notice it. Most disturbingly, one of them had a mustache. Kirk had not even realized that was possible for a pony.
“Princess!” said the mustachioed of the pair. “How pleasant to see you!”
“Yes!” said the other. “Have you grown?”
His brother elbowed him in the side, nearly tipping him over.
“I mean—have you shrunk?”
Celestia smiled at them, then looked past them. “Forgive me for asking so abruptly, but is Twilight Sparkle with you?”
The two looked at each other, exchanging a glance, and both smiled.
“No, I’m afraid not,” said the elder. “After what happened, she was simply distraught over the failure of her core design. She hasn’t slept since it happened, going over the plans over and over.”
“Absolutely distraught,” sighed the younger brother, nodding. “Downright obsessed with figuring out what went wrong.”
“She told us to tell you that she regrets the fact that she can’t attend. There’s simply too much work to do.”
Kirk, hearing this, approached. When the smiling unicorns saw him, their smiles immediately vanished and their eyes grew wide. The younger of the twins shot a terrified glance at his older brother, who did not immediately answer it.
“From the way you’re dressed, you seem like important ponies,” he said.
“Oh, yes! Where are my manners! Flim and Flam, this is Captain Kirk of the Federation starship Enterprise. He rescued the pilot from the prototype, and his crew is currently assisting us with the joint salvage operation to recover the debris, including Twilight’s core.”
“It’s...intact?”
“It certainly is,” said Kirk. “We hope to have it retrieved...probably by about now, actually.”
“You can’t!” cried the younger pony, only to be elbowed.
“The core system is extremely volatile,” said the elder. “You don’t have the equipment or procedures to manage it--”
“I assure you, my chief engineer is the very best in Starfleet. There isn’t an engine he can’t figure out.”
“And Moondancer is overseeing the operation personally,” added Celestia. “My sister puts her absolute faith in her, so I do to.” She turned to Kirk. “Flim and Flam are two of the most important ponies in Equestria. They founded Division 51, the aerospace company that built that virtually invented space travel. I dispatched my dearest, beloved student Twilight Sparkle to assist them with the FTL project. She designed and constructed the reactor core of the prototype FTL ship, what you call a warp-core, with the remainder built by dear Moondancer.”
“All by herself?”
“She is a prodigy. A brilliant young girl. I am obviously sterile, so she is the closest thing I have ever had to a daughter.” Her expression fell. “She used to write me letters every day...but now I hardly get any. And I haven’t seen her in almost a year. I was hoping she would be at the party.” She smiled. “Not that I’m displeased to see her two closest friends, of course.”
“She has been awfully busy,” sighed the elder brother.
“A workaholic,” said the other, agreeing and nodding, but staring at Kirk, still terrified. “A genuine workaholic, can’t stop her calculations long enough to write.”
“It’s very rare for a warp-drive to be built by just one person," noted Kirk. "The only civilization I know that ever did that was...well, Earth. Zefram Cochrane.”
Celestia smiled. “Yet another connection between our planets. I am sure Twilight would love to hear about how this Cochrane made his progress. If she were here tonight, of course. But maybe at a later date when you meet her."
Kirk gestured to the twins. “I’d like that. And I'd like to know more about your company. Commercial development of a working warp-drive is no small task.”
“Well—um—we--proprietary, a lot of secrets—griffon spies, communism--”
“He means,” said the elder, shushing his brother, “that it’s really all very boring and complicated. You can always take a tour of our Ponyville facility. It only costs twelve bits. Eleven for foals, and a special deal, only fifteen—twenty--for aliens. But right now, we need to go.”
“To the bathroom!” cried the younger twin, nervously. “I need to take a LEAK!”
He was promptly elbowed so hard he nearly fell over. “Because the Princess has many important ponies to greet. And because we’ll have to get back to work as soon as possible, won’t we?”
“We won’t?”
“No, we will. Because Twilight will be expecting to rebuilt the whole core. Again.”
The younger twin groaned. “Not again, brother.”
The two walked off. Quickly. In fact, nearly trotting.
Kirk watched them go, frowning. “They seem...nervous.”
Celestia shrugged. “They just met an alien for the first time. Weren’t you nervous the first time you met a non-human?”
“She was Arcadian. And I was no more nervous with her than I am with you.”
Celestia smiled, although there was a sense of sadness to it.
“What exactly do they do, though?” asked Kirk.
“I actually don’t know,” admitted Celestia. “Twilight is mostly in charge of the company, at least from a research perspective. You would need to talk to her.”
“And how do I do that?”
Celestia sighed. “I wish I knew. I miss her dearly.”