Diaries of a Madman

by whatmustido

Chapter Two Hundred and Twelve

By the time we got back to the manor in Canterlot, I was mentally and emotionally drained. Every part of me wanted to immediately go sink into a bed. So I drank a few shots of liquor and cuddled my girls to take the edge off. It probably wasn’t the most healthy solution, but it’s better than beating someone to death.
“Cuddles aren’t as much fun as a human,” Taya muttered as she started to squirm a little. “I’m getting all hot and sweaty for some reason… Plus, there’s no belly rubs or ear scritches!”
“You’re the one who wanted to turn into a human,” I said. “What about you, Eva?”
“Changelings don’t sweat, even if we turn into other species. And petting doesn’t do much for us. I like being human more, because I can feel your squishiness!”
“Squish on squish is kinda gross feeling, though,” Taya said, reaching a hand up to jiggle her chest. “What’s with these things, anyway?”
“You’re definitely growing up to be a fine young woman,” I said. “No idea how you look as a pony, but you’re hot enough as a human to be a model. Anyway, I’m mentally well enough to get off the bed now, I think.”
“Do you think we should let her up?” Taya whispered.
“I dunno, I’m pretty comfy,” Eva whispered back. “I can get all the food I need right here, though. What about you?”
“I’m good. Let’s just keep her.”
“‘Kay!” Their grips on me tightened and both started giggling.
Truth be told, I was fine with that. Eating was probably important, but could it ever be as important as cuddling? I think even the most famous scholars would find that one hard to answer.
Sadly, privacy and locks mean little to magical fae. My door clicked open as an invader let herself in. I looked up expecting to see Kat, but instead I was greeted by Twilight. She was looking at the three of us with a raised eyebrow. “I see you’re… cuddling with your daughters,” she said.
“Is that the first thing you say when you break into someone’s room?” I asked. “Not ‘nice to see you’ or ‘how was your day’ or anything? You couldn’t even knock first?”
“...I actually came in to ask why you didn’t tell me my brother was in town. But yes, I could have at least knocked. But I knew you were in here with your daughters, so I didn’t figure there was anything to worry about.”
“Isn’t that a question for your brother, instead? They didn’t even plan on telling Celestia they were here. I had to talk them into it. Oh, and Pinkie is very grateful for the dreams you gave her.”
“Shiny did tell me you met with her on your date with him…”
“My what with him?” I asked, finally sitting up. “Don’t even joke like that, Twilight.”
“Well, that’s just how Cadance described it,” she replied with a shrug. “What else would you call that kind of tour around Ponyville?”
“Skyla seemed excited to see new places, so I wanted to show her some of the sites in Ponyville. Cadance didn’t want to draw a lot of attention as a well-known royal, so she hit up Rarity’s shop instead. Shiny obviously didn’t want to let his filly out of his sight, so he came with us. That’s all there is to it.”
“Hm…”
“As if we’d ever let mommy make that kind of mistake,” Taya said, poking me a few times.
“Cadance was talking about the creampie he gave Nav, though,” Twilight said.
“Yeah, the one he bought from Sugarcube Corner,” I said. “It was pretty good. As he said, why would we go into a bakery and not get something? I considered it payment for showing his filly the sites. Did she also mention the candied locusts he got me?”
“Wait, what? Ew! Where did you even get something like that?”
“Bon-Bon’s shop,” I said. “The rest are over there on the desk, if you want to try them.”
She trotted over to the desk, eyes wide, while I started awkwardly sliding to the edge of the massive bed. Once I got there, I poked Eva on the foot to shock her with the static energy and make her squeak in surprise.
“W-what was that?!” she shouted, looking down at her foot.
“Static electricity,” I replied. “It can build up when you rub fabric on fabric. It can make your hair stand up straight, too. Anyway, what do you think, Twilight? Want to try one?”
“...Why did my brother buy you something like this?” she asked, using magic to lift one out of the bag. “Or did you actually ask for them?”
“He kept needling me and Skyla always jumped to my defense, so I guess he wanted to get back at me or something.”
“How childish.” She finally crunched down on the locust and chewed it for a few moments before her eyes went wide and she shivered. Her horn lit up and some kind of light went off inside her mouth. “The taste isn’t bad, but the texture! Ugh, it’s awful… What did you think, at least?”
“I liked it, but the texture did get to me at first. The best part is that Skyla also enjoyed them. Taya refused to even try.”
“Bugs aren’t for eating,” she said from over on the bed. Since I slid out of their grasp, the two sisters closed the distance and were now cuddling together. Or more accurately, Eva was cuddling Taya, who was acting more or less like a teddy bear.
“Normally I’d agree. I only tried one to spite Shiny for buying them. It ended up being good, so I decided not to let them go to waste. And I made sure to vocalize how good they were so Skyla would ask me to try it. When Shiny said no, I kept egging her on until she threw a fit and made him bend.”
“Nav, you really shouldn’t use your powers against an innocent filly like that,” Twilight said. “Turning her against her father is just mean.”
“What powers? I can fly, I can poison things, and I do kinda have that weird pull, but I don’t remember purposefully using any of those on Skyla.”
“I meant the power of your words. The way you manipulate people. I’m sure it’s even easier on Skyla since she’s so young, but doing that to her so early may mess her up.”
“I resent that accusation.”
“Nav, ten minutes of talking to you got her to call her own father a bully. Another thirty minutes got her to accuse him of abusing his wife. What is that if not harmful?”
“Eva is the one who accused him of bullying me, and he actually was! Skyla just latched onto it because she couldn’t stand to see injustice committed in front of her. And I still don’t know where she got the idea that Shiny was abusing Cadance, but it was almost definitely Taya’s fault.”
“And now you’re blaming your own filly for something you did?”
“No, that actually was me,” my own filly said in my defense. “Nav set up the conversation for it, so I took the shot. Skyla misunderstood exactly the way I thought she would.”
“Taya, don’t cover for her. Nav—”
“I’m not covering for her,” Taya proudly replied. “I thought it would be funny and I was right!”
“It’s mostly just theoretically funny,” I said. “Something you joke about doing, not something you actually do. I mean, sure, it’s also actually funny, but there are risks of long-term consequences. Shiny already has insecurities. Making his filly think poorly of him will make things worse and then Cadance will complain to me about it.”
“Not to mention the risks to Skyla,” Twilight added.
“...That wasn’t very nice, Taya,” Eva said. “Punishment is in order.” Eva quickly used her grasp on Taya to begin mercilessly tickling her.
“So, yeah, not my fault,” I said. “And didn’t they tell you they were coming today?”
“Nobody told me they were coming today,” Twilight said, rolling her eyes. “Well, whatever. They’re here, even if I was surprised to see them. Why are they staying here instead of the palace, anyway?”
“Cadance was afraid of Newlestia stealing Shiny away. Or worse, Skyla.”
“Why didn’t they just tell me when they got here? I would have happily come back from the bunker to walk around Ponyville!”
“Well, there was the thing with the evil snake and then the future and we ended up just throwing her all over the place, so it was kinda busy. We got up in Ponyville on a whim, you know?”
“Nav… You can’t just say nonsense and pretend it’s an explanation.”
“No, all that really did happen,” Eva said, though she didn’t look up from tickling her sister. “First there was the evil snake, then all that weird future stuff, and we ended up throwing Skyla around! It was a lotta fun!” While she was helpfully backing me up, I was stealthily shoving another seed into my belly button. It would be my last chance for a backup before the pageant started, so I wanted to make sure I had something.
“Now I understand it even less!” Twilight shouted.
“It’s okay, Twiggles,” I said, patting her on the head. “So, you know how Skyla always hated my guts?”
“I figured you were pretending and acting out for laughs.”
“Turns out that her eyes can perceive auras around people. She can see certain aspects of that person’s fate inside of said aura. But since I was created by a monster and don’t have a soul, she just sees a giant snake wrapped around me with its fangs sunk into my throat. She was worried about the snake the whole time. She hasn’t really seen much in the auras around anyone else yet, but we spoke to Athena about it and got some more information plus a few books. Skyla’s eyes can be trained to see all kinds of fun stuff and can help her learn more about that person’s future. Part of the reason I took her to Ponyville was to introduce her to someone with a similar skill.”
“...Thus, the reason you went to the bakery,” Twilight said, nodding slowly. “And what about throwing her around?”
“Oh, we were helping her learn to fly,” I said. “After we spoke to Athena, we had some down time. We went up to play in the clouds, but before we left, Shiny cast a spell called slowfall on Skyla. Since there was no chance of her getting away from us, we could easily toss her and let her practice catching air with her wings. She loved it.”
“Alright, all of that makes sense, even if it’s quite surprising. I have heard of eyes like that, but never a pair that allows a glimpse into the future. Fascinating…”
“I suggest reading the books before you try to study her. Cadance has them now. And if you would, let me know what your experiments find.”
“I… I wasn’t gonna experiment on Skyla!” Twilight said, looking away and blushing. “I just… you know, wanted to ask her some questions…”
“Well, I’m glad you learned from the days when I used to live with you. Shall we head downstairs?”
“Should we stop Eva?”
“No, let the sisters have their fun. The laughter is soothing my soul. Eva, join us downstairs when you’re done.”
“You got it, mommy!” she happily replied. Taya cried tears of joy to play with her sister. Since she was so approving, I left with a smile. “This is why you shouldn’t trick fillies, sister!”
“Is tickling really a punishment?” Twilight muttered as she followed me.
“Would you like to get tickled?” I asked.
“Not me, no, but apparently there are some ponies out there with a fetish for it. I got some letters from a few fans asking me to try it out on you. They gave quite a few interesting suggestions. How do you feel about sybians?”
“...Leery, but willing to talk.” As we walked down the stairs, frantic and desperate laughter gave way to soothing piano music. “I take it the whole crew is back?”
“Zecora, Luna, and Kat are working with some of the guards to deal with one of the stronger ghosts in the bunker,” Twilight said. That sounds a lot more fun than a pageant, that’s for sure.
“I’m surprised you didn’t want to join them.”
“I did want to, but I understand that I would be more of a hindrance than a help in a fight like that. I don’t have much experience fighting in confined spaces. There’s a lot of spells that, if used underground, will have disastrous effects. It’s entirely possible I would use one without thinking. I still wanted to go just to watch, but there are less dangerous spirits in areas with more open spaces further down.”
“If they had let me know, I would have been willing to go.”
“As if they would ever put their lady in danger, especially in a bunker against ghosts. They’ll be fine, Nav. I mean, Luna is there. Worst case scenario, they abandon the idea of cleansing it and just put it in a soul gem instead.”
I could have at least been there to wish them luck. “Anyway, in exchange for the privilege to pet Skyla, I have to rub your brother’s belly. You’re welcome to watch.”
“So relax, Nav,” she replied, completely ignoring me. “Kat will be back to wrapping herself around your arm in no time. And instead of putting your hands on a filly, you can put them on the second oldest mare in existence instead! Since she acts like a spoiled filly, it’ll be basically the same, right?”
“Don’t tell me you’re jealous. I mean, I’m Skyla’s godmother. Of course I’m going to want to pet her!”
“Wait, you’re Skyla’s godmother?” Twilight asked.
“What, that’s what you react to? Yeah, they asked me to do it. Why?”
“I… thought I would… Well, you know!”
Spike’s mental health is a good indicator of why you shouldn’t be allowed to raise a filly on your own. Although I can’t really talk, given Taya’s mental state. “You’re her aunt. I guess Cadance wanted her filly to have some kind of attachment to me. It’s not like I’d be the only one taking care of her in the event something happened.”
“...True. I guess it is better not to think of it. Well, would you mind if I stayed the night, then? It’ll let me spend more time with them.”
“By all means. Also make sure you get them to visit your parents at some point. I’m sure they intend to, but they didn’t seem in a hurry to leave the house today.”
“Of course. I’ll have to talk to them about not letting any of us know, too.”
We were finally getting to the ground floor, so I decided to let that be the end of it. Skyla was sitting behind Spider, watching him play with figurative stars in her eyes. Cadance was next to her, watching with much less interest. Shiny was nowhere to be seen.
Neither of the listeners seemed to notice us yet, so I used it as an opportunity to sneak up behind Cadance and turn one of her ears inside out. She immediately smacked me with a wing and flicked the ear to straighten it. “I let you sneak up on me and this is the repayment I get?” she whispered, glaring at me. “At least scritch them instead!”
I rolled my eyes and did just that, making her sigh in delight. Twilight gently cleared her throat, so I put my other hand to use on her. Skyla paid us no mind, so there was no way to make her jealous. “I guess she really likes the piano. Or is it spiders?”
“This is the first time she’s seen a piano or a spider, so probably both,” Cadance said. “Trust me, she’ll get tired of the piano eventually. The Princess Training Camp will knock that right out of her. Four hours a day, every day, for two weeks straight… Ugh.” That seemed like a traumatic memory, so I chose not to ask and instead focused on her ear.
When Spider’s song ended, Skyla started clapping. Spider jumped and spun around, finally noticing his audience. All eight of his eyes widened and he did the spider version of bowing. “M-my lady… Your highness…”
“That was amazing!” Skyla said. “I didn’t know spiders could play the piano! Or talk! Why don’t we have talking, piano-playing spiders?”
“U-um…?” Spider didn’t know how to react, which wasn’t too surprising.
“Spider, this is Skyla, Cadance’s daughter,” I said. “Apparently she’s never seen a piano or a giant talking spider.”
“Oh, I’m not that large,” he said, shaking his head. “One of my cousins is bigger than this piano.”
“What?! No way!”
“...Please tell me that’s not true,” Cadance said, looking at me with despair across her face.
“Bigger than the piano and as tall as the house, I’m afraid,” I replied with a sigh. “Legs thicker than my body, eyes larger than my head, and brimming with enough rage to put a thousand angsty preteens to shame. Not a fun time, trust me.”
“I don’t know if I want to live on this planet anymore,” she muttered, looking down.
Excellent, I got Cadance on board with the abandon ship plan! “My personal recommendation is to never go to the southern hemisphere of the planet. There’s nothing there for either of you. Africa’s a mess and you can’t use magic much further in than the coast. South America is full of terrifying spiders and even scarier lovey-dovey monkeys. Australia is literally hell. Antarctica is full of undead.”
“You really have been all over the world, huh?” Skyla asked.
“I’ve seen a lot of it, yeah,” I replied, booping her. “If you like the piano, Spider knows several other songs. I’m sure he’d be happy to play more.”
“Would you… Wait, your name is Spider?”
“Y-yes… I am called Spider.”
“Wow, that’s so easy to remember! I love it! Would you really play more, Spider?”
“If that is as you wish.” Before I could tell him I’d rather know if he actually wanted to or not, he swung around and started playing again. Skyla was immediately engrossed.
“We can probably leave them to it, if you want,” I said.
“Yes, I think I’ll join you in the sun room,” Cadance said. “Shall we?”
I led the charge as we moved to the next room. Pretty much all my subjects were gathered there, which was convenient. “Welcome back, everyone,” I said. “As I’m sure some of you may have noticed, we’ll be having even more royalty staying with us for a little while. You can basically just ignore them, though. Except for Skyla, because she’s too adorable to ignore.”
“Am I not adorable enough?” Cadance asked, tugging at my sleeve and looking up at me with watery eyes.
“You’re married. I wouldn’t ask anyone to pay attention to a married mare, no matter how adorable she may or may not be. So, any questions from the crowd?”
“Can we play with Princess Skyla?” Gloomy asked.
“Only with parental supervision,” Cadance replied.
“Does… Princess Celestia know they’re staying here?” Silver Quill asked. “I figured they would be staying in the palace…”
“Celestia knows,” I said. “She’s cool with it.”
“Can I hug and pet Princess Skyla?” Spike asked.
“Yes to hugging, but you have to rub Shiny’s belly for permission to pet her,” Cadance said.
“Wait, what?!” Shiny shouted, finally jumping out of his seat.
“We already agreed to that, remember?” I said. My eyes turned cold and my smile went up a few notches. “Tonight. You.”
“W-what…” He looked around, but nobody else seemed to notice a thing. Or if they did, they knew better than to get involved. Sweat started to bead on his brow.
“Well, I guess I wouldn’t mind,” Spike said with a shrug. “His tummy does seem pretty fluffy…” Shiny flinched and started sweating even more.
“I also have a question,” Twilight said. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”
“We thought Nav would tell you,” Cadance said.
“You thought Nav would tell me? Nav? Are we talking about the same person?”
“We decided it in a hurry,” Cadance replied with a shrug. “We only thought to send a note to the person we would be staying with. Let’s say we were hoping she would spread the word.”
“Twilight wasn’t here when I opened the letter, but what’s done is done,” I said. “What matters from here on is what you do next. And my recommendation is to go visit your parents. If not now, then tomorrow.”
“I asked Spike to send them a letter telling them you’re here,” Twilight said. “So it’s entirely possible they’ll visit us instead.”
“No, that would be unlikely,” Shiny said. “If Nav were a commoner, maybe. But there are usually rules for visiting nobles you aren’t close with. They’d need to send a notice at least a day in advance of any meeting. We were planning on stopping by tomorrow morning, but if they already know we’re here, we might drop by after dinner.”
“I’m sure if we asked, they’d let us eat with them,” Cadance said with a warm smile.
“Oh no, terrible idea,” Twilight said.
“Trust us on this, we’re better off waiting until after,” Shiny said. “They’re great parents, but awful at cooking. What’s worse is that neither of them even realizes how bad they are.”
“My life changed the moment I first sat down at the lunch table in Celestia’s school,” Twilight said, her eyes taking on a faraway look. “I had read about it in books, but finally experiencing it in my own life nearly brought tears to my eyes… Flavor… Well, after that, I resolved to learn to cook at least one thing well, so I would never become like them.”
“Wait, you can cook?” I asked. “I lived with you for years and I never once saw you behind a stove.”
“I became a sandwich expert,” she replied with a proud grin.
“Fair enough. Anyway, any more questions?”
“Do we have to pet Skyla if we want to rub Shiny’s belly?” Gloomy asked.
“It’s not a requirement, but… why wouldn’t you want to pet her?” Cadance asked.
“I have hooves, silly! But I think he’ll make cute faces if I play with his tummy, so I wanna do it!”
“I mean, it’s not like I have a monopoly on it,” I said with a shrug. “This one’s up to you, Cadance.”
“Why not me?!” Shiny shouted.
“I have to be careful about letting mares touch my husband, so I’ll have to decline this time,” Cadance said.
“Why am I always ignored?!”
“Shiny, you’d be a lot more convincing without that smile on your face,” I said. His body froze in shock. After a few seconds, a hoof slowly lifted to his face so he could feel the sloppy smile for himself. When he finally realized it, he gasped.
“...Get it together, brother,” Twilight said, shaking her head.
“He’s perfect exactly the way he is!” Cadance said.
“So, that was the last question I’ll be taking for now,” I said. “Supper should be soon.”
“You mean dinner,” Doppel said, popping up from behind me.
“Sure, that too,” I said, patting her on the head. “Silver Quill, do you have any big updates for me?”
“I’ve finished with my audit of the changeling gem mine you have a stake in,” she replied. “The short version is that it’s worth a lot. Would you like the detailed version?”
“No, if you just start spouting numbers at me, I’ll probably mentally check out. Were you alright working in a changeling hive?”
“It took an hour or two to get used to, but ponies on leashes are better than ponies in cages, especially when it’s other ponies instead of me. I had to have a few guards so none of the changelings would try to leash me, which was kind of strange. Oh, and they invited me to…” A small blush lit up her face. “W-well… an experimental changeling facility, one you apparently sponsored yourself.”
“If you’re talking about what I think you’re talking about, we’re going to have one of those in our village,” I said. “What did you think?”
“I… I enjoyed myself, my lady…”
“Glad to hear it.” At least my accountant is on board with the changeling brothel.
“I’m suddenly quite interested in this facility that Navi sponsored,” Cadance said, wrapping a wing around my back to bring me close… and keep me there. “Would you please explain the details?”
“I will tell you more later,” I said. I didn’t want to risk traumatizing Silver again by letting everyone know she went to a whorehouse, so I decided to change the subject. “Watcher, I heard Zecora’s taking on a pretty bad undead right now. Is there any info you can give me on that?” Like, for example, why you’re here instead of helping.
“They have a good team, my lady,” he said. “They’ll be fine. It might take ‘em a while, though. I wanted to help, but there was limited space and so we decided to focus on a more defense-oriented group.”
“Then why is Kat there?” I asked.
“Scouting purposes. She’ll make sure none of the wandering spirits catch those who are fighting unawares.”
“She’d also probably make a pretty good cheerleader, with that lewd body of hers,” I said. “I need to train up with this new body so I can go out on the next hunt.”
“I’m not sure how Luna will feel about taking you as well,” Watcher said.
“That’s what direct orders are for.” I was suddenly enveloped by even more limbs. This time, one daughter was holding onto my back while the other was clinging to the arm on the other side of Cadance. I was now in the grasp of three dangerous predators. Escape was unlikely. “So, done with the punishment?” I warmly asked.
“I’m tired of getting tickled, mommy,” Taya whispered from behind me. Her voice sent shivers down my spine. “I think I’d like to be the one doing the tickling, soon. Oh yes, very soon…”
“Did you enjoy yourself, Eva?” I asked, doing my best to keep the grin on my face.
“Yes, tickling is the best! That’s why I wanna do it even more. And you know, we had a thought… Tickling somebody together, as sisters, would surely help us bond! Don’t you agree, mommy?”
“I think Skyla is the perfect target for you two to work with,” I said. “She could use two reliable older sisters in her life, especially if her parents are these two.”
“You know, I like the idea of watching someone get tickled,” Cadance said, her wing around me tightening. “But I’m not sure if my filly would be the best target…”
“You’re right, Shiny has more surface area,” I said, nodding. “Go for him, instead.”
“Don’t worry, mommy,” Taya whispered. “There’s no reason to panic…”
“I’m not panicking,” I calmly replied. “I’m just offering good suggestions for your target. I think Gloomy would also be fun to tickle.”
“Wha… You’re obviously just trying to save your own skin!” Gloomy shouted.
“You didn’t have any problems when I said Shiny or Skyla, so you have no right to speak up now,” I replied. “But we’ll put it to a vote. Who thinks Skyla should be the tickle target?” My hand was the only one that shot up. “Alright, who thinks—”
“I volunteer Nav,” Shiny called out, lifting a hoof. “All in favor?” Everyone else lifted an appendage.
“Man, good thing we don’t live in a democracy,” I said. “As the local ruling lady, I declare all votes for me as invalid. That means Skyla wins, right?”
“Tonight. You.” Taya’s breath was hot and uncomfortable in my ear, making me squeak just a little.
“Don’t worry, mommy,” Eva said with a giggle. “We’re just gonna play with you.”
“Both of you are too cute to be saying things that sound so ominous,” I said. “Maybe I should punish you with an early bed time…”
“Nothing will save you,” Taya whispered. With that, she finally released me and swung around to face me from the front. Now she was wearing a bright smile. “Cheer up, mommy! Don’t you wanna play with your fillies?” She wrapped me in another hug, which kinda made me feel uncomfortable. But she was my precious daughter, so I dealt with it.
“Of course, I always cherish my time with you two,” I said. I wanted to hug her back, but I couldn’t really move either arm.
“By the way, why is a married mare clinging to you so shamelessly?” Taya asked.
“I’m a woman and Cadance isn’t a carpet muncher, so it doesn’t count,” I said. “Other than that, who am I to question the will of a princess? Especially one who’s cruising toward a promotion to goddess?”
“Wait, what now?” Twilight asked.
“That’s something Athena and Hera said when they saw Cadance,” I said. “They called her a superior model that had the potential to become the goddess of love. They also said it’s possible Skyla could become the goddess of fate, in time.”
“They had the audacity to call me an inferior model!” Shiny shouted. “Can you believe that?”
“Yes, quite easily,” Twilight said. “First, because they’re old, ornery, and far too blunt. Second, because it’s literally true. Alicorns are superior to normal ponies like us in every way. I mean, it only makes sense if you think about how our species was made.”
“...That’s exactly what Nav said,” Shiny muttered.
“So how does one become a goddess, anyway?” Twilight asked.
“They gave Cadance a book about it,” I said. “It has all the conditions for godhood in it. I recommend reading it when she’s done with it.”
“I don’t know if I want to read it, to be honest,” Cadance said.
“Then I’ll borrow it,” Twilight said. “I definitely wanna read it!”
“Now then, I’m starting to get uncomfortably warm,” I said. “Am I allowed to sit down, or are you three still having fun?”
“I’d actually like to borrow one of your fillies for a few minutes,” Cadance said. “I’ll allow you to sit down while I discuss secret tickling techniques.” Cadance finally released me and looked to Taya. “Would you mind coming with me for a few minutes?”
Taya seemed reluctant to let go, but now that one of my hands was free, I could finally push her back. “She wouldn’t mind at all,” I said. “Taya, be a good filly.”
“...Yes, mommy,” she whispered, before allowing Cadance to drag her away. I assumed Cadance would be talking about how she called Taya scary, but maybe I was wrong. Now that the path was clear, I pulled Eva along to a chair at Shiny’s table. I didn’t really want to join him, but I figured Twilight would.
A part of me was expecting Eva to plop herself down in my lap, but she took the chair between me and Spike instead. Twiggles sat next to Shiny. Doppel started doling out drinks and whatnot to all the tables.
“So, one of the things we toured while we were out there was the academy site,” I said. “Did you know they were planning on putting a statue of me there?”
“Were planning?” Twilight asked. “I thought that was the one thing all of them agreed on?”
“I overruled it. I don’t need more likenesses of myself out there.”
“Huh. That’s a shame… Can I have the small statue they used as a model, then?”
“It’s not mine to give away,” I said.
“What would you even do with something like that?” Shiny asked.
“Use it to model clothes I want to give her,” Twilight said.
“How’s faculty selection coming along?” I asked.
“Celestia’s already picked the ones she wants for all of the fields she’s suggesting. I’ve interviewed several candidates who I think would suit what you’re looking for. By the time the college is actually built, we should have everyone we need. There are a few I’d like you to meet, though. Specifically, the ones who will be teaching the courses on human technology. As I’m sure you can expect, most of them are… unusual.”
“They’d have to be, to want to work with stuff like that,” Shiny said.
“I should be able to meet them. Unusual people are usually pretty interesting. If all else fails, I can tame them with a tummy rub.”
“Speaking of which, you mentioned earlier about giving one to a certain slutty brother of mine,” Twilight said. Shiny’s face lit up bright red.
“Yep, I’m looking forward to it,” I said. “You’re welcome to watch to make sure I don’t do anything inappropriate.”
“WHA—No, she can’t!” Shiny quickly said, butting his way into a private conversation.
“That makes it sound like you have something to hide, dearest brother of mine,” Twilight said with a big smile. “Why can’t I watch, hm?”
“B-because… Because Cadance is watching to make sure she behaves!”
“Cadance has a bad track record of keeping you two under control,” Twilight said. “I was told in quite explicit details how you two conspired to get Nav drunk on lust and take advantage of her. So if Cadance is the only one there to supervise you, how am I supposed to think you can keep yourself under control?”
“I mean, I’ll be there, too,” Spike said. “I wanna pet Skyla, and that means rubbing Shiny’s belly.”
“Aren’t you just as much of a harlot as Nav, though?” Eva innocently asked.
“No, he’s not that bad yet,” I replied. “Don’t worry, Twilight. I won’t let anything weird happen. Although I’m sure Shiny would appreciate certain… aspects of dragon anatomy.”
“Don’t you say another word,” Shiny growled.
“I still don’t see any reason I can’t watch,” Twilight said. “If nothing inappropriate will be happening, I can just join you in having my belly rubbed. Then you’ll feel less awkward, right?”
“I… But…”
“Maybe he wants his first time to be private and special?” I said. “That’s so cute, Shiny!”
“That’s not it!” he shouted. “Ugh, what is wrong with you?!”
“Ask me again when you’re not smiling like that.” His ears shot down and he looked away, trying to hide the sleazy smile. “Alright then, Twilight’s watching. That way nothing weird will happen.”
Or, alternately, something even weirder will happen.
“It’s just a belly rub, right?” Spike asked. “You’re making such a big deal over it.”
“That’s because Shiny’s fun to tease,” Eva said. “Isn’t he so adorable sometimes?”
“Only in a no-homo sorta way,” I said. “But yeah, he’s low-hanging fruit.”
“I’ve been telling you since you were a colt that you needed to get better at hiding your reactions,” Twilight said, looking at her blushing brother. “Really, this is your own fault.”
“That doesn’t mean you can’t support me anyway!”
“Stop picking on my brother for now, please,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Though you should stop hiding from it, Shiny. If you admit you like it, she’ll probably leave you alone.”
“Yeah, but then he couldn’t enjoy it anymore,” Eva said. “So he has to keep pretending, right?”
“Alas, poor Shiny,” I said, shaking my head sadly.
“I said please,” Twilight quickly added.
“Right, you did,” I said. “We’ll stop. For now. So, Eva, Taya will probably be taking young lady classes soon. Basically, to teach her proper noble manners. Would you like to take the classes alongside her?”
“I already passed all of them, but taking them again with Taya would be fun!” she said. “We also passed the young lord classes. Learning both was pretty neat. I could help her practice dancing!”
“That would be… something,” I said.
“You’re taking them too, right?” Spike asked.
“Nah, I’m not about that life,” I replied.
“What? But we could take the classes as a family!” Eva shouted.
“Those rules are designed for those who are equine-shaped,” I said. “Everything is different because of my body shape. I’d rather put my time to better use.”
“Sounds like an excuse,” Shiny said.
“Of course it is,” Twilight said. “Nav can come up with a dozen of them at the drop of a hat.”
“You make me out to be quite the character,” I said with a sad sigh. “What makes you so quick to assume it’s not the truth?”
“It is the truth, and that’s what’s so insidious about it,” Twilight said. “If you take it at face-value, you’ll think that’s all there is to it. But we all know the real truth is that you just couldn’t be bothered. Right?” Everyone at the table nodded. Even my daughter betrayed me by agreeing. “Nav, if you can’t be bothered, that’s fine. You’re a national hero. It’s alright if you don’t have the perfect behavior. But you should be honest about it, you know?”
“When the truth sounds bad, excuses usually sound better,” I said. “People got tired of hearing the blunt truth, so I started trying to sugarcoat things. Apparently people don’t like that, either. I’m starting to get a little confused.”
“Can’t you just be yourself?” Spike asked.
“What, and lose the few friends I managed to obtain?” I asked. “No thanks. Better to keep wearing masks. Wear one long enough and you start to become it.”
“Isn’t that unhealthy, mommy?” Eva asked.
“No, it’s for the best,” I said. “I spent a long time trying to be myself. Most people didn’t like that person. So I’m trying not to be myself anymore. It doesn’t seem to be going well, but maybe I’m wrong.”
“So, what, you’re just naturally bitter and angry?” Spike asked. “I just thought you were like that because you had to deal with ponies all the time.”
“Well, that was certainly a part of it,” I said with a sigh. “You’re lucky that ponies are all you really know, Spike. You’d probably be crazy if you could live in human society for a little while and then get forced to come back.”
“They aren’t all that bad,” Eva said. “But Ponyville and Canterlot seem worse than the Crystal Empire.”
“Yeah, that’s a fair point,” I said. “I keep forgetting that Ponyville is Celestia’s eugenics project.”
“Do you really think I’ll let you change the subject that easily?” Twilight asked. “Are ponies really that bad, Nav?”
“Not all of them,” I said. “But compared to most humans, fae are excitable and volatile. And the fact that all fae naturally become obsessed with humans didn’t help. I’ve seen unpleasant sides of a lot of races. I just have more bad experiences with ponies. Anyway, to get back to the point, I’m surrounded by ponies more or less all the time, so being bitter and angry about it isn’t healthy. Changing myself is a better use of my energy than being angry and whatnot. Hopefully I’m less unpleasant now.”
“You’re cuter, at least,” Spike said.
“Despite all the barbs, you’re better now,” Shiny said with a nod.
“You’re definitely happier now,” Eva said, though she was frowning. “But… is that really alright?”
“I dunno, probably?” I said. “Spike and Twiggles have known me the longest, and at least half of them think I’m better now. That means there’s a fifty to a hundred percent increase!”
“I think your math might be off,” Twilight said. “And I do like most of the changes you’ve been through, even if none of us are happy about the sources of those changes.”
“So, it’s a one hundred percent increase,” I said. “That means it’s probably alright, Eva.”
“Hm. I think Taya and I will need to discuss this later…”
“Do what you must, as long as you’re cute while doing it,” I said, patting her head. “Twilight, we’re diving back into the book tomorrow, but this time we’re bringing Skyla. Do you have any thoughts on who else should go?”
“You and Cadance, obviously,” Twilight replied.
“Is it really just limited to three?” Shiny asked.
“Apparently it’s a kind of defense mechanism,” I said. “I think the limit was higher when I found the book, but when she learned about the Tower, she decreased it.”
“Well… Is there any reason it can’t be me, Cadance, and Skyla?” he asked.
“Yes,” I said. “If you go in without someone who’s completed the maze, you have to walk it yourself. That means me, Twiggles, Luna, Celestia, Taya, Kat, or Jak. I do think you and Cadance would have a pretty good chance to make it through, but I also think it’s not worth the risk. And of your options for available escorts, only I have the ability to stop Hera from foalnapping your filly.”
“...Then yes, Cadance is probably the best choice,” Shiny muttered, looking away.
“You can show Twilight the outfit you picked out at Rarity’s shop while we were out,” Eva said with an innocent smile.
“...Brother?” Twilight sweetly asked, shooting him quite the intense gaze.
“I-it was for Cadance!” he shouted.
“Nav?” Twilight asked, her scary eyes turning to me.
“I don’t know. I was too out of it after being used as Rarity’s doll. I didn’t come to until just a few minutes before you broke into my room.”
“She was mostly comatose,” Eva said. “We had to lure her to bed with promises of cuddles.”
“Why not just teleport her?” Twilight asked.
“Because it’s not as cute,” Eva replied with a shrug. I wonder if this is how Lot felt, the morning after. I’m guessing he probably felt worse, given the hangover…
“Doppel did say something about helping him try on dresses,” I said. “But that’s about all I know.”
Twilight sighed and hung her head. “Maybe mom was right…”
“Wait, right about what?” Shiny asked.
“Well, she was pretty surprised when you started dating Princess Cadance,” Twilight said.
“Of course she was,” Shiny said. “I mean, I was dating a princess!”
“Yes, exactly,” Twilight said with a nod. “She was kinda thinking you’d go for Prince Blueblood instead.” Shiny’s mouth dropped.
“Twilight, don’t be rude,” I said. “You shouldn’t confuse your brother’s weird fetish with him being gay. He’s just kinky.”
“...I know you’re speaking in defense of him right now, but I really think he wishes you weren’t,” Spike said. Shiny’s face was a shade of red I hadn’t seen in a while and his eyes kept shifting all over the place. His ears were super twitchy, too.
“I don’t know why he’s blushing like that,” Eva said. “Basically everyone in the Crystal Empire knows after a few guards and servants walked into the wrong room at the wrong time. Isn’t it common knowledge here, too?”
“Didn’t you all agree to stop bullying him?” Spike asked.
“Oh, you’re right,” I said. “Man, it’s just so easy that we kinda default to it… Ah well. So, Twilight, how was your day working with the spooky scaries?”
Boring slice of life conversations are less interesting than bullying Shiny, but I guess they’re what living a slice of life is all about. Not that they’re any less forgettable.

After dinner, several of us convened in the bedroom that Shiny and Cadance would be using. “C-cadance, maybe we should talk about this,” Shiny said, nervously eyeing me and Spike. “I… I mean, why are we even agreeing to let them pet our filly, anyway?!”
“Because it feels good, duh,” Twilight said from her spot on the bed. She patted the space next to her. “So lie down and assume the position, silly!”
“She’s right, like usual,” Cadance said. “Why wouldn’t we want to let them pet Skyla? I just thought we should get something out of the exchange, too! So join us on the bed and show that tummy, dear!”
“Who gets his first?” Doppel asked.
“I think the honor should go to Nav, if I’m honest,” Spike said. “His first should be with the best of us, after all. I don’t mind rubbing Twilight’s belly, if you’re fine with a married mare.”
“Why is Doppel even here?!” Shiny shouted, glaring at my maid.
“Don’t be racist, brother,” Twilight said. “There’s nothing weird about the maid who looked after Skyla for so long wanting permission to pet her.”
“I’m also pretty confused about why Spike and Twilight are here, but I’m choosing not to worry about it,” Cadance said. “So don’t you worry about a thing either, honey. Just let this happen. You’ll have fun, I promise!”
“It’s not like anyone will judge you out loud for it,” I said. “Your wife and sister are already patiently awaiting their rubs, Shiny. Can they really say anything after going through it themselves?”
“B-but—”
“No, just your tummy,” I said, booping him. “There’s nothing to be worried about, Shiny. The longer you delay this, the more anxious you’ll be! Once you surrender yourself to my hands, you’ll discover there was never anything to be worried about in the first place.”
“C-can’t we just… give them p-permission?” he asked, his ears twitching.
“Shiny, you can’t just capitulate to the nobles,” Cadance said. “I know you’ve already taken this lesson to heart. If they are to be given any privileges, they have to earn them.”
“It’s the natural state of things, really,” Twilight added with a nod. “And so is receiving belly rubs. As ponies, it’s our duty to placate these vicious predators. The easiest way of doing so is to show off our submissive nature, thus discouraging them from hostility. Allowing them access to our tummy is the best way of accomplishing this, since it’s where we are most vulnerable. This is simple Biology 101, brother.”
“That seems totally made up!” he shouted.
“I dunno, honey,” Cadance said. “Twilight’s pretty smart. If she says so, I can’t help but believe her. I do know that you’re trying to stall for some reason, though. It’s just us here, Shiny. Nobody else is coming, I promise. Stalling just means you don’t get to enjoy it for as long.”
“Spike, it seems my target is being uncooperative,” I said. “Would you mind lending me a helping claw?”
“Of course, Navi!” he replied. Shiny didn’t even have time to react before his body was flying toward the bed. Spike was obviously practicing, because Shiny landed perfectly between his wife and sister, both of whom giggled and locked legs with him to stop him from resisting. All three tummies were bared before me, ripe for the rubbing.
“A-are you really gonna do this, Nav?” Shiny said. “Give me a non-consensual tummy rub?”
“You don’t have to be so dramatic about it,” I said. “As if that smile on your face didn’t give it away. At least some parts of you are enjoying this, I know that for sure.”
“Putting on a show of fighting back is unnecessary, honey,” Cadance said. “Like Nav told you, none of us will judge you out loud!”
“Well, unless you try to make it weird,” Twilight said. “Otherwise, we’ll keep our judgment to ourselves.”
“Let’s get started, shall we?” Doppel asked, an arm growing out of the top of her head. It swiftly approached Cadance’s belly. Spike took a moment to use fire on his claws to warm them up before using them on Twilight. Both ponies quickly started whimpering in delight, though they held their iron grip on Shiny’s legs.
I will note that absolutely nothing was stopping him from using magic to get out of the situation. If he put his mind to it, he could probably escape from Twilight’s grasp pretty easily, too. He was choosing to be there, which meant the smile on my face might have turned somewhat… venomous.
“I’ll make sure to take my time so you can really enjoy it,” I whispered as my hand finally connected with his fluffy yet toned belly. It immediately earned a low groan from him. “And so my hands have finally conquered their first prince. I can’t wait to brag to everyone about it!”
Shiny’s face was bright red as I turned him into a tummy slut. My hand slowly rubbed up and down, making him whimper with each stroke. “T-this is… t-torture!” he whispered, tears welling to his eyes.
“I know it’s difficult for you to stay soft, but you don’t want to embarrass yourself in front of Twiley, do you?” I sweetly replied. “Just take it, Shiny. Take it like the little whore you are.”
“Oh, N-nav…”
“Is it really okay for your husband to groan out another woman’s name?” Doppel asked as she toyed with the belly of a married mare.
“He has permission for Nav,” Cadance asked. “Mm, lower… If he starts moaning Twilight’s name or your name, we’ll have a problem.”
“Mmm, such a good little pony,” I whispered as I continued having my way with his belly. “Such a good little pony with such a fluffy belly…”
“Hm, fluffy but not soft?” Twilight asked, though her voice was a little uneven.
“You shouldn’t expect a trained stallion to have the same tummy consistency as a nerdy mage,” I said. “Spike, how’s that soft squishiness treating you?”
“I wish I had fingers like yours in moments like this,” he replied with a sigh. “I can definitely feel the squish when my claws sink in, but I don’t think it’s the same as how you feel things.”
“We should get Twilight to turn you into a human one day,” I said. “You could rub their bellies again and compare it. Luna’s belly is similar in consistency to Shiny’s, but hers is nicer.”
“H-hey!” Shiny said, twitching about but unable to do more.
“What, jealous?” I asked with a deep smile. “It’s not your fault I prefer a mare’s tummy. But you know, a stallion is fine, too…” He whimpered and looked away, his ears drooping down. It was so cute that I couldn’t stop myself from booping him. “Oh Shiny, you’re just too adorable… Ah, it’s a shame the stones malfunctioned on me instead…”
“Rarity mentioned that he makes for quite the inspiration,” Cadance said. “Although I’m sure seeing you with Braeburn back then probably did a lot to help her, too.”
“Yes, I’m sure Rarity would be delighted to work her magic on a canvas this fine,” I said, smirking down at the blushing stallion under my hands. “Cute expressions, feminine hair, no excessive facial hair… Aside from the semi-masculine face, he’d make a good trap. I think enough makeup would hide that, too. I bet you could easily trick a few stallions, Shiny!”
“No need for him to trick them,” Doppel said. “I’ve heard a few of the male servants in the castle whispering about how they’d like to toy with him. A few thought he’d make an excellent maid!”
“Hm, aside from the wings… Shiny’s about the same size as Aurora, don’t you think?” Spike asked.
“Yeah, I bet one of those maid outfits would be the perfect size,” Doppel said with a nod.
“Thank you for the valuable information,” Cadance said. “Now, Shiny’s tummy has been rubbed. Don’t you think it’s time to switch? I wanna feel Nav’s fingers again!”
“I’m trying to make his first time special,” I said. “He’s been stuck biting his lip for a while now… I was kinda hoping to provoke a more… pronounced reaction. What’s the matter, Shiny? Doesn’t it feel good, or even natural, to submit before me?” My hand finally pushed down harder as I started to get a little more rough with him. He moaned immediately before trying to hide his face in his wife’s mane. “Oh? Perhaps being gentle for your first time was unbecoming of me… Or perhaps, despite your looks and behaviors, I shouldn’t treat you the same as I would a mare…” The poor guy was starting to pant. His entire body was twitching and his eyes were completely unfocused. At this point, he might not even be able to talk anymore.
“It’s good to know that even stallions can’t resist,” Twilight said. “Although… An older sister might not be so bad!”
“You need to teach Cadance the spell to become a changeling,” I said. “They can use it to have all kinds of fun!”
“Oh, definitely!” Cadance said. “Nav’s told me so much about other species I’d like to experience for myself. Though with enough time, I’ll probably learn how to transform in my dreams, too.”
“I really do need more practice rubbing bellies,” Doppel said, sounding disappointed. “I’m doing my best, but you’re barely even blushing! Meanwhile, Shiny can’t even talk anymore…”
“More practice is always good,” I said. “But at the moment, I think Shiny might be broken… You think it’s a good time to swap?”
“If he spends any more time with you, you might end up with a mess on your hands,” Spike said. “But uh… I’m not sure I wanna pet him next.”
“I’ll take Twilight, you take Cadance, and Doppel can continue sadistically teasing Shiny,” I said. And so, like that, we all swapped partners. “So, glad you joined us, Twilight?”
“Someone had to make sure things didn’t get weird,” she said, finally releasing Shiny. He made no attempt to pull away from Doppel as she attempted to work some manner of magic on his exhausted tummy. “I have a feeling you’ve basically ruined Spike at this point. Cadance has been a lost cause since she moved out of your place. Doppel is right out, of course. If it was just the four of you in a room with him, I’m sure something terrible would have happened to my brother…”
“Something terrible, maybe, but nothing he wouldn’t enjoy.”
“What do you mean, lost cause?” Cadance asked from across her husband.
“And I object to being called ruined,” Spike added.
“I have no defense for myself and accept your judgment as sound,” Doppel said. “But I’m with Nav with this one: It may have been terrible, but Shiny would have loved it.”
Shiny had his own moan to share, which meant Doppel was either right or getting better at belly rubs. Soon enough, she’ll have yet another way to seduce ponies.
“I don’t think the Cadance who babysat me when I was a filly would have ever let so many others play with her husband, for one thing,” Twilight said. “She wouldn’t be so weird, lewd, kinky, or open about all of it. Being around Nav messed you up. But that’s fine, because she messed all of us up.”
“It’s almost like you don’t like belly rubs,” I said. “Would you like me to move back to your brother?”
“No, I was wrong and I apologize,” Twilight said. I wasn’t expecting her to immediately capitulate, but I shrugged and continued petting her. “And Spike, you were usually so gentle and calm when you lived with me, but a few months of living with Nav roughened several of your edges. But that’s fine, because she roughened all of our edges.”
“Most of my emotions may be muted and deadened due to trauma, but that doesn’t mean my feelings can’t get hurt,” I said. “I might have to stop rubbing this soft tummy so I can start crying instead…”
“I apologize and to prove I mean it, I’ll pay with my body,” Twilight replied. “Feel free to rub my belly until your pained heart is at ease!”
“And the little filly I once babysat never would have offered to pay with her body,” Cadance replied with a sigh of nostalgia. “Ah, the boring ol’ days… Hm, Spike, lower…” He obeyed and Cadance gasped lightly before sighing again. “Being a lost cause isn’t all bad, I suppose…”
“And getting ruined by Nav is normal for fae, right?” Spike asked. “Really, the weird ones are those who aren’t getting dragged along in her wake. So cheer up, Shiny. Submitting to her wonderful hands is the natural state of things.”
“I’m eternally grateful to serve under you, my lady,” Doppel said. “My joy at having been here for this moment will stay with me forever.”
“Being messed up by Nav isn’t so bad, right?” Twilight said with a smirk as my hands continued their work. “Mmm, belly rubs truly are the best… Oh, Cadance, Eva mentioned something earlier, about Shiny picking up an outfit from Rarity. Would you know anything about that?”
“It was two, actually,” Cadance replied. “I think they’re the perfect fit for him, if I’m honest!”
“Thank you, that answered my question,” Twilight said with a sigh.
“Are they actually for him?” Spike asked.
“That’s not a rabbit hole we should explore with his sister right here,” I said. “Or at the very least, let me redouble my efforts for a moment or two so she loses herself to it.” My hand started going into overdrive, making Twilight moan and give up on trying to talk. One of her hooves pushed against my hand on her tummy, though she did nothing to stop it. The other went behind her head so she could look up at me with a very lewd expression. It was clear that my mare was enjoying herself.
“I’m with my lady on this one,” Doppel said. “It can wait until Twilight and Nav leave.”
“Wait, why are we staying?” Spike asked.
“So things can get weird, obviously,” Doppel replied. “Nav’s not interested in married couples and Twilight’s not interested in incest, so obviously they won’t be involved.”
“...I think I might join them when they leave, actually,” Spike muttered, his eyes moving down to the married mare his claws were all over.
“But then your question might never get answered,” Cadance sweetly replied. Her eyes weren’t quite as lusty as Twilight’s, but I had a feeling she wouldn’t mind getting some dragon dick. If so, that meant Cadance really had changed. When I first met her, she judged me like crazy for having sex with one.
“...So this is what it means to be a lost cause, I guess?” Spike said.
“I’m sure Nav taught you how to do some ruining of your own!”
“Isn’t he like family to Shiny, though?” I asked. “I know things might get weird, but that might be a little too weird.”
“Well, we can talk about it after you two leave,” Doppel said with a shrug. “I’m totally cool with it, myself. It’s all the same to my tentacles.”
“How would a squid be any fun in bed?” Spike asked.
“Retract that question or I’ll answer it,” I threatened.
“No, I refuse,” he said. “You got me curious now.”
“Squids like warm and moist places,” I said. “They also have no bones at all and can squeeze through basically any space that their beak can fit into. And once through, they can expand. I’ve unfortunately seen a video where one shoved its entire body inside of a woman.”
“Wait, squids have beaks?” Cadance asked.
“How is that the part you have questions about?” Spike asked.
“My lady, I would like to view that video for reference material,” Doppel said.
“I’m happy to disappoint, but to my knowledge, nothing like that is on the laptop. There is more porn than I could view in a normal lifetime, but nothing obscene like bestiality. That video was something one of my so-called friends showed me in the fake memories I have.”
“No wonder you didn’t want to make any friends when you first got here,” Spike muttered.
“So, Twilight’s pretty out of it and Shiny is no longer on the edge of becoming hard,” Doppel said. “Think we should swap again?”
“I approve!” Cadance immediately replied.
“If you say it like that, you’ll hurt Spike’s feelings,” I said.
“No, I get it,” he replied, pulling his claw back. “I never thought of ponies as pettable until well after Nav got here. My lack of experience shows. Not to mention, it’s harder to enjoy scales and claws than Nav’s soft and comfy fingers. Still, I can’t let that hold me back. Even if I can never match her, I can still get skilled enough to gain great power over the ponies.”
“And deer,” I said.
“And griffins,” Doppel added.
“Is there anything soft and fuzzy that belly rubs don’t work on?” Cadance asked.
“...Soon, I will have unlimited power at my clawtips,” Spike said, looking down at his hands in awe.
“Yes, now put them to use on this stallion,” I said. “It’s time I reclaimed that princess belly.” Spike sighed as we all changed places again.
“I’m sure it’s not as fun for you when it isn’t forbidden,” Cadance said with a smirk as I assumed my place in front of her.
“So you heard about that, huh?” I asked.
“It made it to a few of the papers in Canterlot that we have delivered,” she replied. “Basically everyone knows of your lust for forbidden princess bellies now, Navi.”
“...Aqua took over my mouth in the middle of the fight.”
“My lady, is that actually true?” Doppel asked.
“Yes, it’s actually true,” I said. “I learned most of what she did while I was in the coma. Embarrassing me was one of her goals. So I would like some clemency for that one.”
“What can’t be helped, can’t be helped,” Cadance replied with a shrug. “So are you gonna get started or what? Or would you like me to beg?”
“I would like that very much,” Doppel replied in my voice before I could say anything. Personally, I wasn’t interested, so I started petting the princess to shut her up.
“That kind of ventriloquism is super broken,” Spike said. “Can you mimic any voice on the fly like that?”
“I can mimic the voices of anyone I’ve kissed,” she said in Spike’s voice.
“Why kissed?” Spike asked.
“Well, specifically, anyone whose throat I’ve shoved my tongue down. I can mimic the voices of others if I change my body around, but I can only copy just voices if I’ve had access to your throat.”
“You should take the chance to learn three more while you’re here,” I said. “Cadance isn’t out of it yet, but she will be soon. You can do whatever you want to her, then.”
“I’ll get the two of them once things get weird,” she replied with a smile. “And I’d prefer getting permission from Twilight, lest she use me for her experiments again later.”
“Smart choice,” Spike said. “Hey, is it normal for their back legs to kick like this?”
“It means you’re doing a good job,” I said. “This is Shiny we’re talking about, so he might enjoy it more if you demean him a little. You don’t even have to insult him. It can be something as simple as calling him a cute little pony.”
“Yeah, but I’m not really sadistic,” he replied.
“Sadism is making others suffer,” Doppel said. “Shiny would enjoy being demeaned, so that wouldn’t be sadistic of you.”
“And it’s good practice for foals,” I said. “The younger ones enjoy it when you say stuff like that, too. I mean, what filly doesn’t enjoy being called a good, soft, fluffy, or cute little pony?”
“Hm, I see,” Spike muttered, looking down at Shiny dubiously. “He always used to seem so strong and proud to me. This certainly is another side of him, isn’t it?”
“As long as you remember that they’re both sides of the same coin, it’s all good,” I said. “If you can keep that in mind, you should be fine even when things get weird.”
“Doesn’t that mean you should be fine to stay here, too?” Cadance asked.
“Another choice that Aqua made for me was giving married couples a chance,” I replied. “I don’t currently have any intentions of repeating that choice. To that end, I’ll be leaving before things can get weird. Besides, it sounds like Doppel’s planning on testing her mostly final form, and I want no part of that.”
“You also have to go and get tickled by your daughters,” Doppel added.
“I’m sure my adorable little girls would never even think of doing something so cruel to their loving mother,” I replied. “That said, I might spend some time with Twilight until Eva is asleep, just in case… Oh yeah, Cadance, what did you want to talk with my filly about?”
“Is that why you let me stay coherent this long?” she asked, though her voice was a little slurred. “Hmm, higher…” My hand obeyed, tracing up her tummy to her chest and gently caressing all the areas in between. “I just wanted to, you know, apologize for anything she may have heard…”
“And her reply?”
“She said it would be politically inconvenient for her to stay mad, so she’d get over it. That really wasn’t the answer I wanted, but… Well, I honestly don’t know what else to do.”
“Just give it time, for now,” I said. “If our living situation ever ends up stabilizing, she’ll probably soften up. Alternatively, turn into a human and rub her belly.”
“I think I’ll need some practice before I can make her forgive me. Hmm… Hmm… Have you ever had a tummy rub, Navi?”
“Yes. Celestia stole my first and Spike stole my second with Twilight’s help.”
“How scandalous!”
Spike awkwardly cleared his throat. “If I knew you’d have that kind of reaction, I would have said no…”
“I’m a complete harlot. What did you think was going to happen if you held me down and did something like that to me? Anyway, it seems like a certain princess is getting some dangerous ideas, so it’s time to put my skills to use.” With that, my hand went into overdrive yet again, making the pink pony moan in pleasure. Hopefully her reaction wouldn’t be the same as mine.
“Maybe I should try being a pony, too,” Spike muttered, looking over at Cadance’s face. It was melting down in joy. “Feeling the proper technique personally might help…”
“It does seem kinda interesting, if I’m honest,” Doppel said. “But what was that again about you abusing our lady, Spike?”
“I… I had Twilight’s permission, so it’s alright, right?”
“I suppose that’ll be up to the tentacles to decide,” Doppel said with a smile. “Hm, my lady, do you think Newlestia would be interested in testing my tentacles?”
Flo?
“She would be interested in trying your tentacles, but not Doppel’s,” Flo replied in my head.
“I’m afraid not,” I said. “I’m sure Kat or Luna would agree, as long as I was allowed to watch.”
“Now I’m even more curious about squids,” Spike said, his ear-spines twitching. “Why would Doppel even think about being a squid?”
“You’ll understand soon,” I said. “Doppel, would you like to swap? I can wake Twilight up so you four can get as weird as you want.”
“As you desire, my lady,” Doppel said, swiftly swapping places with me.
When I got in front of Twiggles, I took a deep breath, leaned down, and blew a raspberry on her tummy. She squealed and flailed around, finally coming to. Since she had recovered, I pulled back before I could get kicked. “So, did you enjoy being used like a little tummy slut?” I asked.
“Y-yes… I enjoyed being of use to such vicious predators,” she huskily replied. Her eyes were still a little cloudy, but walking around would help wake her up.
“Are you ready to walk?” I asked.
“Hm, I suppose…” She rolled off the bed and landed on her slightly unsteady hooves. “If… If you do use tentacles on my brother… Don’t tell me the details.”
“Deal,” Doppel said. “I do want to brag about it to my lady later, though.”
“That’s unnecessary,” I replied.
“I know, but it won’t stop me.”
“A-anyway,” I said, looking down at Twiggles. “Shall we abscond to my room so I can put you to bed?”
“Yep! But we might take a small detour before sleeping…”
“Then let’s detour away.” To make sure I matched her slow pace, I followed behind her.
“I don’t think I need my questions answered, now that I think about it,” Spike said, finally pulling his claws away from Shiny’s tummy. “I’m sure with Doppel here, things will be just as weird with three as they would be with four.”
“That’s a very responsible and wise choice, Spike,” Twilight proudly replied. “I’d hate to live with the knowledge that you’re as bad as Nav.”
“Spike, you have a long way to go until you’re at my level,” I said. “But with some hard work and enough time, you’ll get there! I know you can do it!”
“Thanks for the encouragement,” he said as he joined us on the way to the door. “But I don’t think I ever want to get to the point where parts of my body ache because of my numerous activities.”
“Yes, well, sometimes short-term gain is eclipsed by long-term profits,” I said with a shrug. “We’ve all been there at some point.”
“I know Twilight’s responsible enough to never stoop that low,” Spike said, making me burst out laughing before I could stop myself. A sharp kick to the shin did a pretty good job of stopping me instead.
“Quiet, you,” Twilight grumbled with a bright red face.
“Apparently I’ve been looking up to the wrong role model,” Spike said with a sly smirk. Twilight opened the door and used magic to float me out, then jumped out behind me.
“Doppel, Spike is volunteering to test your tentacles!” she called out. With that, Twilight slammed the door in his face. It clicked shut with a lock moments later, leaving Spike trapped inside with two vicious predators and Shiny.
“I’ll never forget your sacrifice!” I called.
“Don’t just give up on me!” Spike shouted, trying his luck with the door knob. “Come on, Twilight! Don’t be unreasonable!”
“That is a pretty good point,” I whispered. “Those tentacles might seriously traumatize him.”
“Do you think I couldn’t hear that?!” Spike shouted. “What do you think these spines are even for? Are you really gonna let them traumatize me?!”
“Fine, fine,” Twilight said, rolling her eyes. The door’s lock released, allowing Spike to immediately escape. I could see the dick-ended tentacles reaching for the door right before he slammed it again. “I mean, it’s not like Doppel would really do anything without permission, right?”
“...Like something out of a horror movie, I swear,” I muttered, glaring at the door.
“I seriously don’t even want to know anymore,” Spike said with a sigh. “Really though, Nav… You go at it hard enough with Twilight to make her ache?”
“Spike, what have I taught you about asking questions you don’t want the answer to?” I asked.
“I retract my question and am going to bed,” he replied. “Goodnight.” Spike left without another word, jumping off the railing to get away even faster. Twilight was still floating me, so she started trotting off to the staircase with me in tow.
“So, am I going to get to walk?” I asked.
“Doppel mentioned that you dislike walking up and down the stairs,” Twilight said. “Is this better or worse?”
“Worse.”
“Aww…” She seemed quite reluctant, but eased me back to the floor. Then she eliminated the entire issue by teleporting us all the way into my room. “How about that? Better or worse?”
“Better. I thought we were taking a detour, though?”
“We’re taking a detour to sleep, not a detour to bed.” Her horn lit up and various ropes and straps appeared in a pile on the floor. “Would you be kind enough to tie yourself to the bed? I’ll be right back.”
She wandered off to the bathroom while I took a look at the ropes and whatnot. Given the pile they were in, everything was tangled up and getting anything to come loose was going to be a nightmare. I sighed and got to work disentangling the rat’s nest of bondage tools.
By the time I got everything separated, she returned to the room. “Come on, Nav. You still aren’t tied down?”
“Everything was tangled up,” I said. “Organize your stuff better. Now, would you like to unwrap me yourself or would you rather watch?”
“The clothes stay on, for now,” she replied, using magic to float me over to the bed. At the very least, she stripped me of my shoes. Once I was settled down, all the equipment I dutifully sorted out started locking me in place. “That belly rub really did feel nice, Nav. And I’m glad to know you didn’t get weird with my brother. It was a good family bonding experience!”
“I’m glad to hear that. I guess this is the part where I ask if it’s your turn to make me feel good now.”
“You’re right, it is the time to ask,” she replied with a smile. The last strap finally locked into place, making me completely immobile. “Unfortunately, the answer is no. I’ve been bribed, after all.”
“Wait, what now?” I asked, lifting up my head. It was basically the only thing I could move.
“I’ll be back in a little while,” she replied. “Don’t go anywhere, Navi!” She took a few seconds to adorably giggle before vanishing, leaving me locked in my room and tied to the bed.
“For some reason, I have a really bad feeling about this…” It wasn’t just some reason, if I’m honest. There were several very good reasons, in fact. The two main reasons were the new giggles that filled the room. I recognized my daughters immediately, which made me start trembling in pure terror.
“It’s time to play, mommy,” Taya said from the bathroom.
“We’re gonna play all night long, right mommy?” Eva asked. I couldn’t really see them from where I was, but as they slowly got closer, I realized they were still human and once again wearing matching outfits. Their bunny onesie pajamas were so cute I almost forgot the true horrors awaiting me.
“Hello, girls,” I said with a warm smile. There was almost no way I could talk my way out of the hell that awaited me, but I couldn’t give up.
“Oh, she didn’t gag you?” Taya asked. “Well, let me take care of that, then.” Her horn lit up and I could no longer open my mouth.
All hope was lost. Color faded from my eyes as my two girls took turns tormenting me with relentless tickles. Seeing them getting along so well was nice, yet nothing silenced the part of me that yearned for the sweet release of death.
When they finished abusing their own mother, they ran off giggling to Taya’s room. Twilight teleported back in moments later and had her way with me, then finally released me. I didn’t feel even the slightest bit tired, and yet all I wanted to do was crawl up into a ball on my bed.
Thankfully, I had a pretty good excuse for doing just that. If I didn’t do as Pinkie demanded, there’s no telling what horrors she might unleash on me. With that in mind, I entered the dream realm. Finding Pinkie’s dream was a cinch. Connecting it to Rarity’s was just as easy. Dealing with the guilt inside of me as the dream instantly turned red was slightly harder, but I pushed through it.
“I’m sure Pinkie won’t let Rarity hate it,” Flo said, patting me on the back.
“Your skill at sacrificing others to save your own skin is very impressive, my lady,” Darya said. Thankfully, she didn’t sound sarcastic, so she probably actually meant it.
“It feels like a waste to spend this time busting nightmares, if I’m honest,” I said, looking around the dreamscape. It was mostly white and gold dreams, with a few green, black, and red dotted around. I’m sure I’d probably find more colors if I felt like digging deep, but it really seemed pointless. “Nightmares are a part of dreaming. It sucks when you have them, but acting like a custodian for it… That seems so controlling, doesn’t it?”
“It’s also a lot of fun, though,” Flo said.
“True. Being a god never does get old. And if I can help people out at the same time, it does seem like a win-win. But instead, I could be using this time to learn, train, solve crimes, or try to be social. Shouldn’t I reserve playing around for when I’m forced to sleep anyway?”
“Or when you need stress relief,” Darya said.
“Or when you want to experience kinkier sex than is possible in real life,” Flo added.
“Which is its own form of stress relief,” I said with a nod. “But I just got my fill of lewdness, so I think I’ll try to spend the time a little more productively.”
“I do have some questions and comments about that,” Flo said. “While we’ve been traveling around looking at prices of things, we’ve also been visiting libraries and gathering knowledge. At this point, we’ve basically read all of the books commonly available in Equestria. It would be possible for me to slowly transcribe the knowledge to you. I know you’ve already read all the books in the Ponyville and Canterlot Castle libraries, but there’s still a lot out there you haven’t seen.”
“We’ll need to get one of you to the Hamlet of Mehdiocrity,” I said. “There’s a ton of books there, even if most of them might be worthless. And I might need to ask Athena if I can spend time reading the books she has dotted around her main room.”
“You also need to procure raw bacon for Hera when you visit in the morning,” Darya said. “You could ask then.”
“I feel like we probably have bacon,” I said. “The two Gildas seem to be keeping us in supply of meat. That said, I should definitely go check. If not, I can go hunting in the Everfree and maybe visit the tree sister.”
“Is there anything piglike in the Everfree?” Darya asked.
“If it comes to it, I’ll just tell Hera that whatever meat I give her is bacon and act confused if she calls me out. I mean, she has no idea what the outside world is like. I can just tell her pigs don’t exist or something.”
“Do you really want to risk lying to Hera?” Flo asked.
“The other option is getting it through Celestia,” I said. “And I already got the blood from her. Owing her more favors won’t end well for me.”
“Celestia is just as interested as you are in keeping a good relationship with those two,” Flo said. “She does not consider granting their desires as giving you favors. She considers it a form of insurance. If you do not have bacon, she can provide it.”
“...Well, let’s hope I have some.” With that, I finally woke up. Twilight was snoring away next to me, having fallen asleep right after she got what she wanted from my body. I carefully slid off the bed, doing my best to avoid the wet spots. Once I was on my feet, I grabbed enough clothing to be decent and let myself out.
As it turns out, we did have bacon. It was the super thick kind, which was perfect as a gift for goddesses. I figured it was only fair to bring some eggs as well. Shamefully, we had no grits, so I couldn’t give them a complete southern breakfast. I’d bring some sausage and coffee to make up for it.
With my most important chore out of the way, I started searching the lower floor for Taya. She was missing, so I assumed she was still with Eva upstairs. Since bothering her wasn’t an option, I went back upstairs to stealthily grab my sword. There was nobody awake I could practice with, but my entire body was different. If I didn’t take some time getting used to it, swinging a sword might actually hurt me more than whoever I’m swinging it at.
I am mostly referring to my new breasts, of course. They were ungainly and a hindrance in a fight, even if I couldn’t stop myself from playing with them sometimes. There was nobody in the backyard, which meant embarrassing myself was less likely. Being near the two magical cherry blossom trees made me feel as energized as when I was directly under the sun, so I cleared a space near them and slowly started working out all the awful kinks in my new body.

My practice was suddenly and rudely interrupted by a sneak attack from behind. Something warm and squishy pressed up against my back as familiar arms wrapped themselves around me. “I’m home, my lady!” Kat whispered in my ear.
“Kat, I’d like you to work on greeting me like a normal person,” I said, lowering the sword. “It’s one thing to approach from behind me, but just suddenly wrapping yourself around me with no warning is going to end up with someone getting hurt.”
“Not with that form, my lady,” she replied. “You’re all over the place! There’s no way you could ever break this hold.”
“I’m feeling very unbalanced, between the very light wings and the new chest,” I said. “I know I probably won’t be fighting all too much in the future, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t know how. I’ve been trying to figure things out. More importantly, how did the ghost busting go?”
Luna finally made herself known by walking up from behind me. “We succeeded, my lady,” she replied with a smile. “There was only one major curse, but the pony who received it actually finds it useful. The minor curses have been dealt with.”
“And the loot we found looks promising,” Kat added, giggling.
“I’d like to be able to go down in there and either help or watch,” I said. “Preferably help, if I’m honest.”
“That’s not necessary,” Luna replied.
“I know. So, to get to that point, I need to at least learn how to properly swing a sword again.”
“A spear might actually be a better choice,” Luna said. “With your body in this state, you’re basically starting from scratch with swords.”
“Not necessarily,” I replied. “Normally, yes. But Flo and Darya have been analyzing me as I go. I honestly don’t like the idea of ever going autopilot, but it would be incredibly efficient in combat. It’s highly unlikely that I’d ever be able to defeat Kat in a fight, no matter how much I train. But I bet Darya could, using my body. Maybe not now, but a few days of practice would probably do it.”
“...My lady, why would you ever want to defeat me?” Kat asked, doing her best to sound hurt.
“I’m just using you as a baseline.”
Darya cleared her very wet throat in my head. “My lady, may I have permission to borrow your body? I don’t think I need a few days. Perhaps I’ll teach her not to latch onto you in the future.”
Only if you’re positive you can win.
“Then I shall assume control.” Moments later, Kat was on the ground with a sword to her throat. “Threat neutralized,” Darya calmly intoned with my voice.
“Blaze is quite surprised that a water elemental is both capable of and willing to do this,” Luna said. “And I’m quite impressed, myself. It seems that Blaze can do something similar with an entire army, which will be quite interesting to see in action.”
“Aqua developed her own martial arts style for bipeds during the war,” Darya replied, stepping away from Kat and putting away the sword. “It was designed with the philosophy that anything shy of death can be cured. To that end, most of it consists of brutal offensive takedowns. It was designed mainly to counter large groups of durable fire elemental hosts. Because of that, it works extremely well on normal people. There were no bipeds with lewd boobs like Lady Navarone’s back then, but I have already made corrections with them in mind. If Nav is attacked, I will take over and defend her.”
“You seem very confident for someone who got me on the ground exactly once,” Kat replied as she finally hopped back up to her feet. “However, after our very long day, I’d rather not pick a fight. But if you plan to defend Navi, why does she need to practice?”
“In case I am not with her.”
Since Kat was standing down, I finally took back over and shrugged. “It might end up being pointless if my body changes again, though. Still, that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t try. But now there’s something more important I need to be doing.”
“What is that, my lady?” Luna asked, tilting her head.
“Rewarding the two of you for dealing with that ghost,” I said. “I was thinking of brushing and then petting you for a bit, but if you have something else in mind, I’m all ears.” Kat gasped and Luna flinched.
“I would be honored to receive those rewards,” Luna replied with a small blush. “B-but perhaps allow me to bathe, first…?”
“By all means. Kat?”
“My lady…” Kat whispered, her eyes getting wet. “Nothing could ever make me happier!”
“I’m glad to hear that. Twilight’s on my bed, so we’ll have to do it elsewhere.”
“My lady, do you trust me?” Luna asked.
“Explain to me in detail why you’re asking that question.” In other words, no.
“Because I have a very private space I can teleport us to. It would serve us well while you deliver our reward.”
“That’s not enough detail. The fact that you’re being suspiciously imprecise makes me assume there’s something about it that you think I’d find unappealing. Be more specific.”
“I got bored while in Tartarus, so I built a greenhouse on the moon,” Luna replied. “It’s perfectly livable, as long as you don’t leave the magic shield. But without me, there would be no escape. So…”
“And it has showers and a bed or two?” I asked.
“Showers were beyond me. I’m an ex-princess, not a plumber. I built a very solid bath, though. And yes, there is a bed.”
“Kat, what are your thoughts on moonwalking tonight?” I asked, turning over to look at her. At the moment, her eyes were wide and she was staring at us like we were speaking gibberish.
“The… moon?” Kat asked. “Like, you mean that thing right there?” She pointed up at the sky, where the moon was clearly visible.
“Yes,” Luna said with a nod.
“So, you in or what?” I asked.
“I’m… having trouble wrapping my head around this,” Kat said. “I know teleportation is a thing, but… the moon?”
“Sounds like she’s in,” I said. “Luna, let’s go.”
“As you command, my lady.” Her horn lit up uncomfortably brightly before the three of us vanished. We reappeared in front of a small house painted a strange color of green. “Welcome to my greenhouse.”
“When you said greenhouse, I was expecting something a little different,” I said. “What’s with that color?”
“It’s a special paint that protects against the sun. The shield does most of the job, but it can still get warm inside. The paint helps keep the temperatures to a liveable level.”
“We’re… actually on the moon!” Kat shouted, looking up into the sky at Earth. “It’s incredible!”
“Is there enough oxygen here for three people?” I asked.
“I used to experiment with self-sustaining deep isolation pods,” Luna replied. “A prisoner will break fairly quickly if they’re locked in a small bubble several thousand meters underwater, with their only contact with others being the food delivered twice a day via teleportation. But keeping them alive down there is tricky. With enough trial and error, I got it down to a science. I can now calculate these things fairly efficiently. This home is rated for five quadrupeds my size. We’ll be fine.”
“I have a proposal for a generation ship for you later,” I said. “For now, let’s get inside. Kat, if you aren’t careful about where you look, your eyes might fry out of your sockets and run down your face like jelly.”
While Luna casually explained how the shield protected against that kind of thing, Kat handily picked the lock on the door and let herself in. I’m not sure if she was paying attention to Luna’s explanation, but it’s not like it was that big of a deal. Luna and I followed her into the small entry room.
“I carved a lot of rock down to make things easier,” Luna said. “Smaller shields use less magic to maintain, but I can go as deep as I want as long as I properly fortify the ground. I probably couldn’t hollow out the entire moon, but I could make a decently-sized complex. I didn’t see the need to make this particular area much larger than this, since I’m the only one I ever expected to visit.”
“That’s just way too overpowered,” I said with a sigh.
“Hm? In what way? I suppose I could dig a hole and throw someone in it, but that’s not really overly powerful, it’s just time consuming overkill.”
“Not overpowered militarily,” I said. “How long would it take you to build another fifty places just like this?”
“Less than a month, assuming I was able to get all the materials I needed. Would you like your own moon house, my lady? Oh, but you’d only be able to get here with me…”
“Do teleportation circles not work?” I asked.
“I’ve never tried. No one else has ever wanted to go to the moon before, so I never thought it was necessary…”
“But theoretically, if they do work, you could build an underground moon base in a month?”
“Indeed, my lady.”
“Overpowered doesn’t even begin to describe it. I’m glad you’re my pet, Luna.”
“You mean vassal, right?” Luna asked.
“Yes, of course. What did I say? Actually, never mind. We should probably find Kat before she gets into something dangerous.”
“As long as she doesn’t press the big red button, things should be fine,” Luna replied.
“Well, let’s get looking.” Luna led the way out of the small entryway. It led to a short hall that felt like it sloped down. After passing through a final magic wall, we were in one of the main rooms.
Luna never much was one for decorating in the first place, so I wasn’t surprised by the lack of furnishing or knick-knacks. The only thing I saw were familiar paintings, many of the ones that Celestia banned. There was also a small bookcase next to the very large bed. And above the bed was a massive telescope leading to a window pointed straight at Earth. Kat was gazing through it at the moment, giggling in childlike glee.
“So, where’s that button we shouldn’t press?” I asked.
“In the bathroom,” Luna replied. “I’ll point it out when we get there.” She continued down toward the bed. I followed, sneaking a glance at the bookcase as we got closer. Sure enough, it was more of my banned works.
“Do you like human art, or do you just like it because I made it?” I asked.
“Both,” Luna replied. “It captures my attention more than most pony works. Perhaps it is because our versions are mere echoes? Well, no matter. What do you think of the view, Kat?”
“This is amazing! You can see every centimeter of her bedroom!”
“Whose bedroom?” I asked, slowly turning a glare toward Luna.
“Anyone’s,” she proudly replied. “This telescope was another personal project of mine. It uses a lot of magic, but it allows you to basically peek through the windows of any building you can see. I’m not surprised at all that Kat can use magic when it comes to locating anything belonging to you, so she’s probably looking at your room at the moment.”
“Tch, I can’t believe Twilight gets to sniff the bed all night,” Kat muttered.
“Well, we can currently sniff the real thing,” Luna said. “So put that away and let’s go bathe.”
“Right!” Kat finally released the telescope and slid off the bed so she could wrap herself around one of my arms. “Let’s go, my lady!”
“I mean, I don’t really need a bath, do I?” I asked. Twilight used magic to clean the sex funk off me before releasing me from the ropes, so I should be good.
“We would be remiss as vassals if we did not take the opportunity to tend to the health and beauty of our liege lady,” Luna replied. “So let’s go, my lady!” A part of me was starting to wonder what I had gotten myself into, but I could probably stop them before they did anything I’d regret. Or at least, that’s what I told myself as Kat pulled me along behind Luna.
At the very least, I could add bathing on the moon with fae to my fantasy checklist.
When we got to the bathroom, Kat suddenly came to a stop, making me bump into her. That was enough for me to see inside, which is why I wasn’t mad at her for stopping. It honestly looked like we were stepping into a desert oasis, complete with the uncomfortably bright and warm light. It was radiating down from a floating orb, almost like a miniature sun.
Plants in sandy soil lined all the walls and floors surrounding a large pool of water. Some even dangled from the ceiling. Most of the plants looked like succulents, but I also saw a few cooking herbs that I recognized. Unsurprisingly, I also saw several poisons she probably used for alchemy. The water itself was crystal clear and, aside from a small area for bathing, seemed bottomless.
Hm… About on par with the hot springs at Gilda’s hamlet. Well, I guess we have to test the water first, though. “So where’s this red button?” I finally asked, making Kat flinch and start walking again.
“It’s over here, next to the entrance to the bath,” Luna replied. This room in particular was probably larger than the total area on the surface under the shield. As we got closer to the water, I started seeing and hearing small animals skittering away from us. There were even bees pollinating the flowers.
“What do you do with the honey the bees make?” Kat asked.
“Eat it,” Luna replied. “It’s nothing all that special, if I’m honest. But you’re welcome to try some, if you like.”
“I’ll happily eat your sweet moon honey, Luna,” Kat replied with a smile. “Perhaps we could take turns licking it off our lady?”
“That sounds like a fun way of cooling off after our bath,” Luna said with a smile of her own.
“That’ll just take time away from the brushing and petting,” I quickly interjected.
“...Well, we have time to decide in the bath,” Kat replied.
“This is the red button,” Luna said, pointing it out for us. It was set up right in front of a set of stairs leading into the pool. Two other buttons were to the left of it. The farthest left was blue while the middle was orange. “Don’t press this button, especially not if somebody you like is in the water.”
“What happens if it’s pushed?” Kat asked.
“We all die. Anyone in the water will die faster, but also much more painfully.”
“Please be considerably more specific,” I replied.
“The red button makes all the water start boiling immediately,” Luna said. “The steam will quickly fill the room and the heat will grow to the point the skin and fur will slough right off our bones at a mere touch. The heat will continue to rise until the house above catches fire and fills the bubble with smoke. With all the life inside extinguished, the shield above us will disperse, exposing the entire area to the vacuum of space.”
“So… Why does that button exist?” Kat asked.
“Because I built it,” Luna said, puffing up her chest with pride.
“Why would you build it?” I asked.
“I like having three options,” she said. “The blue button makes it cold, the orange button makes it perfect for bathing, and the red button makes it boil! It’s perfect, right?”
“Why is it right in front of the stairs leading in?” Kat asked.
“So it’s more convenient for you to choose before you get in, of course,” Luna said.
“Why aren’t there any labels on it?” I asked.
“Because I never expected to have guests. Why do you have so many questions about a mere button? All you need to know is not to press it. Now, shall we take turns running our hooves up and down our lady?”
“That does seem like a better use of our time,” Kat replied. “So, my lady, let me help you get undressed…”
“It hardly feels like making you take care of me is a good prelude to rewarding you,” I said. “Shouldn’t we all just enjoy this time before we get to the important parts?”
“Bathing you is just as fun as what’s soon to come,” Kat said, finally pulling my skirt down without warning.
“This is just as much of a reward for us as being pet and brushed,” Luna replied, pressing the orange button. The lighting instantly changed, growing dimmer and taking on a red tone. “We’re delighted for this opportunity, my lady!”
“...Do as you will, then. It’s hardly a reward, otherwise.” Kat started giggling as she went for my shirt next. Soon enough, I was completely bare before them. Kat wasted no time removing her own equipment.
“The water appears to be warm enough already,” Luna said, tearing her eyes away from me to look over at the water. It was steamy, but not to the point where it was boiling. “Soap, towels, and everything else you might need is here in a little container under the stairs.” Her horn lit up and a panel right in front of the red button popped open and fell into the dirt, falling less than a centimeter short. Several things started flying out, as though she had no regard at all for the big kill us all button.
“Can we… I don’t know, put something over that button?” Kat asked. “Or is it possible to deactivate it entirely?”
“Why are you so fixated on a simple button, of all things?” Luna asked. “Think of it as merely part of the floor. Just a part of the floor that you can’t step on or we all die. So, are you ready, my lady?”
“My body is prepared. But… I’m sensitive, so be gentle…”
“Sensitive?” Luna asked. “I remember your body being deadened to touch.”
“Not anymore,” Kat said with a pur, wrapping her arms around me and groping my breasts. “Even this much is usually enough to get her going! See there? Her legs are already squirming.”
“Oh, I see! Well then, we’ll just have to be extra gentle. Kat, would you rather wash her front or her back?”
“Back. My breasts against hers would make cleaning harder.”
“Then let us get her to the water!” Luna’s horn lit up and Kat and I were lifted up and placed on her back. She trotted up the stairs, narrowly missing the red button, and finally eased us all into the steamy bath. There, they proceeded to do some very semi-lewd things to me. Luna was nice and gentle while Kat made sure to stop just shy of rough.
Thankfully, in the end, we were all physically clean.
However… my clothes were missing when we got out. They should have been right where Kat dropped them on the floor, but they were nowhere to be found. And as soon as we were dried off, Luna teleported the towels out. That was slightly concerning, but lines had yet to be crossed, even if they were tip-toeing on the edge.
“So, you know I can walk, right?” I asked as Luna carried the two of us back up. Kat was once again clinging to my back. It felt very pleasant, but I could do without her caressing my thighs.
“The two of you seemed so concerned about that button that I thought it best to give neither of you the chance to touch it,” Luna replied. “Worry not, my lady, for I am always thinking of how to serve you best.”
“I’m grateful for your consideration,” Kat said. “And I’m sorry for making you ride up front, my lady, but I’m not used to riding and I’m worried I might fall off…”
“At least I’m not the only one who’s excellent at making up excuses on the fly,” I muttered, making both of my vassals giggle.
“So, should we start with the brushing, the petting, or licking off the honey?” Kat asked when we got to Luna’s bedroom.
“We didn’t really have much of a chance to eat after getting back,” Luna said. “The honey probably won’t fill us up much, but it might make us perk up a little before the petting can commence.”
“I… don’t really want to slather my body with honey,” I said.
“Don’t worry, my lady,” Kat said. “We’ll do it for you, so don’t worry your lovely little head about it.”
“Sorry, let me rephrase that. I don’t want my body slathered with honey.”
“We’re thinking only of your beauty, my lady,” Luna said. “Honey has many restorative qualities in it. In fact, most of the soap we just used was made with it. With the pageant so close, a pure honey-bath will do wonders to help secure a top spot!”
“I’m putting my foot down for this one,” I said.
“But you’re riding on my back,” Luna quickly interjected.
“Figuratively. We’re not doing the honey thing, as I also don’t want to be licked. No part of that plan sounds appealing to me, so I’m rejecting it as your lady.”
Kat leaned forward around me so she could loudly whisper, “I can’t believe this corrupt noble is already abusing her power! What should we do as her unwilling slaves?”
“Clearly we should lick something else off of her instead,” Luna loudly whispered back.
“Why can’t you just accept your pets and brushies?” I asked. “Greed is unappealing, you know.”
“But there’s two of us,” Kat said. “That means one of us will have to wait.”
“On the other hoof, if the two of us do something to you, we can all enjoy at the same time,” Luna added.
“Who contributed most to the battle with the ghost?”
“Me, obviously,” Luna replied. Kat scoffed, but didn’t reply.
“Then you’re first,” I said. “Kat will have to wait.”
“Life is pain and misery is unending,” Kat whispered, her entire body drooping against mine. It didn’t stop her paws from groping at me, though.
“At least you can look at all kinds of cool stuff with the telescope,” I said. “And I’ll probably brush you both before the petting begins, so you won’t have to wait too long for my touch.”
“You have no right to complain when we are being rewarded so generously by our lady,” Luna smugly added.
“Hm… My lady, have you ever been brushed and pet?” Kat sweetly asked.
“Yes. As both a pony and a human. I’m not interested in going through it again as a pony, but it’s not so bad as a human.”
“Hm… I’ve seen you in a few different forms, but I’ve never actually experienced it myself. I wonder how I would look as a human…”
“Probably unbelievably attractive,” I replied.
“Prettier than Luna as a human?” she asked.
“I’m not going to answer that dangerous question. So, here’s the bed. Am I allowed to get down on my own?”
“Why would that ever be necessary?” Luna asked, floating the two of us off her back and onto the bed. “My body yearns for your touch, my lady. There is no need to be gentle.” With that, she hopped up onto the bed and laid down in front of me. Her horn lit up and several brushes appeared.
I picked the most suitable one and began repaying their semi-lewd behavior in the bath. They moaned just as much as I did, so I’m sure they were satisfied with their reward.
While they were both panting for breath and grinding against the bed, I finally took my turn with the telescope. It was currently focused on the house, but I couldn’t see through any of the windows. Luna said it needed magic to work, which meant Kat was somehow using magic. That wasn’t too surprising, given her insanity and curse. Still, it meant the telescope wasn’t nearly as much fun for me, who can’t use magic at all.
I gave up on it and turned my attention to my vassals. Both were blushing and smiling, so I probably wasn’t going to be getting teleported back any time soon. My clothes were still missing, so I decided to head further in before I got roped into something strange. “Come back to the bath when you’re ready to go,” I said as I slid off the bed. “Take all the time you need. Feel free to… get to know each other better, if you want.” If I didn’t escape quickly, it was entirely possible I wouldn’t be able to escape at all. Without making it too obvious, I power-walked away.
I somehow made it. To my surprise, bees started flocking to me the instant I entered the bath chamber. Before, they were probably keeping away because of Luna and Kat, but they had no hesitation at all about violating my flowers. It didn’t quite tickle, but it felt strange. Still, my flowers seemed to react to it, anchoring in place so they didn’t bounce about as I walked. It allowed the bees to attach to my flowers with ease.
“I feel like this says something about me as a person,” I said. “I’m… I’m not that much of a slut, right? Or at least, I’m doing better, aren’t I?”
“Before the coma, you wouldn’t have tried escaping your vassals,” Darya said. “You would have been there sandwiched between the two of them, enjoying yourself to the fullest. What your hair is doing is merely a part of tree sister biology. It was mentioned in the book Athena gave you.”
“So all tree sisters are sluts… Maybe I should stop fighting it, then?”
“If you turn around, I’ll make fun of you for it,” Flo replied.
“As if. I wanna see where that hole goes.”
“I would like you to think very carefully,” Darya said. “Think about everything you know of Luna. Do you really want to know where that hole goes?”
“As her liege lady, it’s my responsibility to find out.”
Without the half-animal fae around, the regular animals were congregating around the water. They paid me no mind as I bypassed the stairs to avoid the button. Instead, I sat on the edge and just slid in. By that point, the bees were done with their business, ditching me like dead-beat dads.
“I would like to warn you again,” Darya said. “Luna would not think to tell either of you if there was something dangerous living in this pool. Especially if it had no way of getting to you while you were in the shallow area. Knowing what you know of her, would you discount the idea of her keeping some manner of dangerous fish down there?”
“Look, I understand why you distrust her. But Luna said this place was self-sustaining. Personally, I doubt she has the ability to keep a pet alive by herself. That means there probably isn’t anything larger than these small critters. Best case scenario, I die. Worst case, nothing happens and I just get to the bottom. So really, it’ll be fine.” With that, I finally plunged into the deep end. Holding my breath was a pussy move, so I quickly drowned to get used to breathing water.
Once the elementals kicked my aquatic lungs into gear, I began swimming to the bottom. Even with my special eyes, it got very dark quite quickly, making it difficult to tell what exactly was around me. With that in mind, I tried moving closer to the walls to discover that the walls were no longer surrounding me. At some point, I had entered a cavern.
I may not be very smart, but even I’m not dumb enough to roam around a pitch-black underwater moon cavern. I turned around and noped out before I got confused and lost.
Since that venture was a bust, I decided to lounge out in the bath and soak. Now that I was no longer moving around, the bees made another appearance and started buzzing around my hair again. I ignored them, along with the animals that occasionally wandered over to get a closer look. None of them were cute enough to pet, sadly. I found myself longing for a filly-sized, fuzzy thing to play with.
“I really am too far gone, aren’t I?” I mused aloud.
“You’re just changing,” Flo replied. “And that’s a normal part of life. It would be stranger if you weren’t changing. Are you still distraught at the loss of your humanity?”
“No. And yes. I know these memories are real, but they aren’t really mine. I never lived any of them. I’ve been a puppet since the day I was created, but… the thought that I was human filled me with some manner of pride. Now that I know I never was, I realize it was all hollow anyway. And yet… I find myself asking if my only option is to give up on my humanity. Magic’s a hell of a drug, after all. And changing is normal, supposedly.”
“Indeed, it supposedly is,” Flo replied. “You know we can remove those memories, Nav. It might do you good.”
“And lose my common sense? No thanks, I don’t want to end up like the ponies.”
“You really do look down on them…” Darya said. “I know you have every right to feel superior to such base creatures, but you should work on that.”
“I already own their princess. Next is their army and their economy. I’ve already infested their culture. They’ll be utterly irrelevant soon enough.”
“Your goal is to stop Discord, not get revenge on the ponies,” Flo replied.
“Revenge is such a strong word, Flo. I’m just trying to minimize the harm they can cause. Think of it like baby-proofing a house.”
“So you seek to replace the cradle Celestia put them in with your own?” Darya asked.
“At least mine will have changeling whorehouses. And it’s not like the ponies will have no power or influence. I just feel like I could do a better job at handling a few things. Do you disagree?”
“All you’re going to be doing is telling ponies what to do,” Flo said. “Never forget that without them, your success will be meaningless.”
“Yeah, yeah. This moon bath is pretty nice. Maybe we should hollow this place out to use as our generation ship, then launch it away from the planet.”
“Wouldn’t it be a better idea to try magically terraforming it?” Flo asked. “It might be possible to generate some manner of atmosphere with enough small bastions like this.”
“That would be a question for Luna or Grogar,” I replied. “But maybe. It would certainly be really cool. It would actually be a good place to stick the humans, if we could tweak the atmosphere here to fit them better.”
“That’s certainly one way to quarantine them,” Flo said. “No need to worry about the pull, then.”
“I’ll definitely have to set up a few human-run spas. Human hands are first-rate in this world. Although maybe changelings could be trained instead? I’ll have to see how good Doppel can get.”
“Why not elemental-run?” Darya asked.
“Because it’s a waste of your talents. You’re worth more than a roaming pet dispenser like me.”
“The next time you become a pony, we’ll have to see how skilled we are,” Flo said. “I’m quite looking forward to it!”
“You’re better than that, Darya. I’m proud of you.”
“I, too, am looking forward to testing my skills against your tummy,” Darya replied.
“I put my faith in you and you let me down.”
“Well, I hope my tummy-rubbing skills will make up for it!”
It took my vassals about an hour to come and get me. In that time, I had given up on soaking and was dried off and waiting for my clothes. They were no longer panting, but I noticed that Kat had a sizable limp while Luna was grinning smugly.
“So, have you recovered from your post-rub bliss?” I asked.
“Indeed, my lady,” Luna replied. “Your reward was more than satisfactory!”
“Serving you is always a blissful experience,” Kat said. “I’m forever thankful you chose to give me another chance.”
“You’re both quite valuable. I’ll do what it takes to make sure you never forget that you belong to me. Now, I would like my clothes. Where are they?”
Luna’s horn lit up and they appeared centimeters away from the button. “There you are, my lady.”
“Thanks.” There wasn’t much, so getting dressed didn’t take me long. “So how do the small animals here know to avoid these buttons?”
“Fear,” Luna replied.
After a few seconds of silence, I sighed and said, “That’s really not an answer, Luna.”
“There’s a rune carved into the ground under the dirt that makes creatures with a weak enough will feel a great fear,” she said. “That means they’ll never be able to get close enough to push any of the buttons.”
“You really should get rid of that button,” Kat said.
“I still don’t understand why you two are so fixated on that thing,” Luna replied. “It’s just a button!”
“I highly recommend getting rid of it,” I said. “Now, shall we head back to Earth?”
“As you desire, my lady,” Luna replied. Her horn lit up and the red button vanished. “It is gone. My feng shui has been ruined, but I hope you are more at ease.”
“I am,” I said, booping her. “Now, let’s go home so you two can get some rest.”
“At once.” Luna’s horn lit up and the three of us reappeared in my backyard. I could just barely see dawn breaking on the horizon, so everyone would probably start waking up soon. “We are home, my lady.”
“Thanks. Go get some food and/or rest.”
“I think I would recharge much more efficiently by your side, my lady,” Kat replied with an angelic smile.
“I will keep your opinion in mind. Now, go get some food and/or rest.”
They both sighed and gave up, turning around to head inside.
And so I managed to survive their… dedication yet again.
I felt two watery tentacles on my shoulders. “You wouldn’t have gone with them if you were that worried,” Flo replied. “I know you secretly yearned to give in to them, Nav. I’m happy that you held back.”
“It sure would have felt good… Alas, being a good girl is hard…”
“Calling you good might be a little much,” Darya said, sliding up from behind me. She continued moving forward until she was directly in front of me, then added her hands to my shoulders. Given her height, that happened to place her rather generous chest right in front of my face. “Welcome back, my lady. Would you like us to please you, since they did not?”
“No thank you, I’m good. Although… I’d rather let you two try tentacles out on me before Doppel has a chance to.”
“She made me promise not to,” Flo said.
I sighed and looked up to Darya. “Would you tentacle-rape me?”
“It’s not rape if you ask for it, my lady,” she replied. “And I would prefer my first time to be a little more sweet. But that would be fine for my second time.”
“...Remind me the next time I’m alone in the tub,” I said. “Although if you’d rather wait for someone else, that’s perfectly fine.”
“I will consider things,” Darya replied. “Would you prefer bimbo mode, if we were to make love?”
“I will leave your body up to you.”
“Understood. I will tap into your hidden desires.”
“I would rather you not—”
“Hiding things is unhealthy,” Darya said. “I will tap into your hidden desires. Prepare yourself.”
“...I honestly don’t know what hidden desires you’re referring to, so I guess I’ll be in for an interesting time.”
Flo pushed me into Darya’s chest, who wrapped her arms around me. Breathing was only painful for a moment before I felt her soothing nanomachines fill my lungs. “I’ll be sure to watch, of course,” Flo said.
You want to peep on your baby sister’s first time? You creep.
“Yes, it should be special,” Darya said. “At the very least, I’d like just the two of us in the room. You can watch when I use tentacles to toy with her, though.”
“Hm, very well. Try not to drown her for too long, now.” Darya finally pushed me away, allowing me to actually breathe again. “So, what is next on your schedule, Navi?”
“Why would you even ask me that?” I replied. “You already know I’m out of ideas. I was probably gonna aimlessly roam the house until more people started waking up. Well, either that or swing my sword some more. Do you have something better in mind?”
“Well, I think everyone would rouse more readily with some soothing piano music from their lady.”
“I think that’s a good way to wake people up before they wanted to wake up,” I said. “It would also be hard to impress Skyla after she saw Spider play, so it sounds like a loss all around, to me.”
“You’re impressively quick to give up on something before you even try,” Darya said.
“Thank you. So, should we start aimlessly roaming together? Or would you rather help coach me through swinging a sword?”
“The second, if those are our only options,” Flo replied.
“I’d rather be the one protecting you than the one teaching you to protect yourself,” Darya said. “It feels good to be needed, and I’ll be needed for longer if you can’t defend yourself. So I would be happy to aimlessly roam with you, my lady.”
“It’s bad for humanity’s image if I can’t fight without help,” I replied. “Everyone needs to know that even our women can kick ass better than most fae. Otherwise, they’ll be in for a world of hurt when the rest of humanity gets here and someone tries to kidnap a woman because of the pull.”
“After what you and Twilight pulled in that griffin arena, I think that message has gotten across,” Flo said, patting me on the back. “Personally, I happen to think the ability to defend one’s self should be honed as effectively as possible. I don’t like the idea of you fighting, but I’d prefer you to be able to in the event that you’re forced to. Even if it’s unlikely that you’ll ever be in that position, even if you can revive, even if you don’t care… None of us want you to be hurt, Nav.”
Cool story, bro. “I’m glad to hear that, Flo.”
“You really are getting better at being ladylike, Nav,” Flo said. “I know it brings you no solace, yet I can’t help but notice.”
“I’m praying that I lose this pageant,” I said. “If I truly am picked as the best female in the world, that’ll mean I’m better as a woman than as a man… I don’t know if I could stand that. I have to come in last place. I must. I won’t sabotage it, but… if I’m anything other than last place, I really will lose confidence in myself…”
“I never thought I would hear anyone say that,” Flo replied, finally turning pink. “Thank you for giving me a new experience. Those are valuable. I admire your integrity, Nav. You want nothing more than to lose, but you refuse to outright throw the contest. Our eavesdropping siblings are a mix of surprised and disappointed.”
“Disappointed?”
“Ice and the Rains were planning on betting for you in the underground scene. Ice had faith in you while the Rains thought we would never let you make a fool of yourself and would step in to save the day.”
“I’m sorry for letting you down, Ice. I feel no sympathy for you two, Raine and Rain. I will let the two of you cuddle me later to make up for it, though, but not at the same time. You two can pick who goes first. Oh, and let me know where to place bets. I want to put some money on Kat.”
“You think Kat is going to win?” Darya asked.
“They’re picking the best woman. Kat has us all beat in looks, hands down. She’s skilled in various fields, dextrous, knowledgeable in certain areas, a good actor, and a complete sociopath. That basically makes her the perfect woman in this awful post-apocalyptic society, doesn’t it?”
“The fact that I can’t say you’re wrong fills me with unease,” Darya replied, her body turning blue. “Though… To be fair, your memories of your life in America are certainly rose-colored. Your city was rife with crime, was it not? To the point where you yourself had a gun pointed at you.”
“That’s because America was suffering from cultural rot. I’d still say life there was generally better than life here. You know, assuming you didn’t live in a huge city. Although I guess if you gave us six thousand years to work with, there’s no telling what might have happened. From what Ava was saying and from the little I saw when we went back in time, it was basically an authoritarian corporatocracy.”
“And yet, despite knowing that, you intend to create the monopoly to end all monopolies,” Flo said.
“Isn’t that just Celestia’s way of showing me that she intends to work with me going forward, long-term?” I asked. “I’m not planning on creating a corporatocracy. We’re redoing fascism, instead. It’ll be the extremely lucrative merger of state and business. And it’ll only be fascism on the side, as it were, since I won’t be taking over everything. Private businesses will still be viable.”
“I’m sorry, am I supposed to be less worried that you’re a fascist instead of a corporatist?” Flo asked.
“I guess it’s all about your definition. I don’t see any reason that fascism has to require smacking people around. Making them happier is much more profitable. It’s just, there’s really no way to describe state-run businesses other than fascism. The point is, you know me, Flo. I’m not in this to wield my power in a way that hurts people. I’m just going to give them a higher standard of living until they’re all prisoners to it, and then use that to keep myself safe from Celestia and other nobles. Isn’t that what she intended when she gave me the reins?”
“I am, as ever, entranced by the way you think,” Flo replied, finally giving in and hugging me. “It’s so utterly alien! Ah, you’re truly my favorite, Navi…”
“That sounds a lot like a no to me.”
“Princess Newlestia never imagined a future in which you might need to defend yourself from her,” Flo said. “She would be quite disturbed to hear you say such a thing, in fact!”
“Just how innocent did you make her? Good lord, I worry for Equestria…”
“It’s just, if you ever need to defend yourself from her, it’ll mean that you changed so much that she turns against you. And it would hurt her to lose you, of course. Or failing that, it would mean you’re still afraid of her reverting back.”
“I am still afraid of that. Don’t count Oldlestia out yet, Flo. That monster was ancient and wiley and yet despite that, she went down way too easily. I know we held the advantage, but… I can’t ignore my instincts.”
“I erased her myself. There’s not a speck of malice left.”
“I don’t doubt you, Flo, but I’m going to be jumping at her shadow for a while. It’ll just take time, I’m sure.”
“Hm… Trauma is difficult to deal with, I know. Speaking of, Newlestia is requesting permission to cook breakfast for you and your guests this morning.”
“Shiny and Cadance were purposefully snubbing her yesterday, so… yes. I’m willing to let her annoy me if it means annoying both of them. Just maybe don’t word my answer that way.”
“This is technically the same mare you once told in a letter to go fuck herself with a rake, you know,” Flo said. “She’ll definitely just giggle at what you said.”
“I don’t want to give her ammo. She may never use it, but even arming her in the first place is a mistake.”
“Then you should watch what you say at all times, not just when she is near. She is coming.”
Soon enough, our temporary maid appeared before me with a smile on her face. “Good morning, my lady,” Celestia in disguise said.
“Good morning. So, are you going to pretend to be someone else in front of them? Or are you okay with them knowing who you are?”
“Did you ever tell them I do this occasionally?” she asked.
“Not that I can remember.”
“Then I’d like to see how long it’ll take them to notice! It’s important for me to have my maid act down.”
“I don’t know why you would consider that important, but I’ll take your word for it. Sunny’s a little too on the nose, so what name would you prefer?”
“Cadance already knows all my common ones, so I’ll have to go a little outside the box. Hm… Do you have any thoughts, Navi?”
“Nah man, pony names are a complete trip. And trust me, after that bastard king dosed me, I know what a trip is. I ain’t gonna touch that with any length of pole.”
“I see. I would like a full debriefing on your meeting with their royalty later, if you wouldn’t mind.”
“I wouldn’t. In case Flo didn’t already tell you, their royal family will be visiting Canterlot for the pageant. I’m not sure for how long, though.”
“...You fucked him, didn’t you?”
“Up the bum with a toy, yes. I also smacked him around a little and just overall tormented him. We both had a lot of fun, though I’m not actually all that happy about it.”
“Thus, the reason you tell me all the details. I’d bet you’ve been sharing it with everyone, haven’t you?”
“With a smile on my face.”
“As long as you keep the details of what we do private, I don’t care. You may spread that you’ve done lewd things with me, just don’t spread what exactly those lewd things were.”
That ship has already sailed, I’m afraid. “‘Kay. So, have you picked a name?”
“Is Crystal Drop acceptable?”
“It is. Do as you please, as long as you’re not overly obnoxious about it. And don’t hog Skyla too much.”
“...I will try to hold myself back. But I just wanna smush those cute little cheeks of hers!”
“You should try Cadance’s, too. More importantly, you should try it when you’re human.”
“Well, basically everything is better as a human,” she replied. “You’re the originals, after all.”
“I don’t actually know if that’s true or not,” I said. “I wouldn’t be surprised if magical beings like fae and unicorns existed before humans. They just went mostly extinct as a certain unpleasant demon eradicated magic from the world. But as humans faded and magic reentered the world, the fae returned. With the use of artifacts like the dream machines, the humans imparted more intelligence upon the mostly bestial fae. And now we have talking alicorns roaming around.”
“That was the purpose of the dream machine?!”
“As far as I’m able to tell, yes. It seems like the act of dreaming itself does something to impart intelligence. Maybe it helps stimulate the brain? I don’t know. There was probably a lot more to it than that. Anyway, you should probably get cooking before everyone starts waking up.”
“As you command, my lady,” she replied with the perfect bow. “Breakfast will be ready within the hour. Oh, do you think I should change my voice, or would that make it too difficult for them?”
“This is your show, Crystal. You’re free to write the script and set the stage how you choose. I’ll be watching from the crowd, so do your best.”
“With a smile, my lady. So, that’s Gilda, Cadance, Skyla, and Shining Armor, plus you, Taya, Luna, and Spike. Anyone else?”
“Luna actually just got back, so she might be going to bed very soon. And Twilight’s also staying the night, if you want to tack her on.”
“I do! I was wondering where that delinquent student of mine went off to… She could have at least warned me she wouldn’t make it last night…”
“Yes, she could have. Flo didn’t tell you when Twilight showed up here?”
“She did, but that’s not the point.”
“Fair enough. That’s everyone, then. Well, unless you want to make something for Eva, but she’s a changeling.”
“No, it’s rude to offer a changeling food,” Crystal replied. “You or Cadance can feed her.”
“I’d be happy to, of course. I’ll see you at breakfast, Crystal.”
“Yes, my lady.” She bowed again and finally departed for the kitchen. I realized that there wasn’t really much left for me to do outside and that going in was my only option, but that would mean walking next to someone I just said goodbye to. That would be too awkward, so I decided to start swinging my sword again instead.
It was clearly the only option. I endured Flo’s giggles.
Still, it felt good to get my body moving again, even if it was now jiggling more than it ever had. Given that my muscles were starting to whine after just a few minutes of exertion, I knew I had been sleeping for far too long. I figured with Hera’s magic, I wouldn’t have deteriorated that much. Thankfully, being a tree sister meant I didn’t tire easily, even if my body started aching a little.
Luckily for my muscles, my training was soon interrupted by the youngest filly in my house. Unluckily, she appeared with quite the entrance. One moment I was swinging my sword, the next I was teleporting. I appeared closer to the house in front of a terrified Skyla. Her horn was super bright and I heard an explosion behind me. I spun around, lifting the sword up to defend her, only to find… nothing. Or rather, nothing unusual, aside from the crater that was now in my yard.
I turned back to Skyla, putting away my sword. “What’s wrong, Skyla?”
“You were under attack!” she shouted, jumping forward to hug me.
“Wait, what? By who?”
“Someone invisible!” she wailed. “You were just fighting them off, weren’t you?!”
What, are you serious? “I was practicing, Skyla,” I replied, finally hugging her back. “Swinging my sword around is part of that. I wasn’t—”
The sound of another teleport cut me off. Taya appeared, still in her bunny pajamas, and a shield instantly covered us. “Who’s attacking?” she asked, looking around. “I don’t sense anyone else but Spider in the backyard.”
“It was a misfire,” I replied. “Stand down.”
“Hm…” She eyed the crater for a moment before tapping her horn. “You were just teleported, mommy. Are you telling me Skyla teleported you?”
“She did. She also caused that crater. Would you fill it in for me?”
“Yes, mommy.” The shield over us disappeared and she started walking over to the crater, her ears flopping about and fluffy bunny tail bouncing in the wind.
Thankfully, the guards arrived moments later, along with a curious Crystal Drop. Explaining things away didn’t take long and they all went back to it, leaving me with Taya and Skyla. Cadance and Shiny never showed up, so Doppel probably did a real number on them.
“So… why do you need to practice swinging a sword?” Skyla asked when she was finally calmed down.
“One, to keep in shape. Two, to help my body remember the motions of a proper swing. Three, so I can defend myself if necessary. It’s similar to why you practice flying.”
“Hm… Isn’t it more efficient to just hire guards, though?” she asked.
“Yes,” Taya replied. “Besides, that’s why I’m around.”
“That’s not the only reason I keep you around, Taya,” I said, patting her on the head. Her bunny ears were very fuzzy, so I decided to pet them while talking. “Your body is fun to play with, for example. Petting, cuddling, booping, all that fun stuff.”
“Best mommy ever,” she said, finally claiming one of my arms. Sadly, that ruined my ability to play with her fake ears.
“Hm… My mommy cuddles me, but she doesn’t pet me or boop me,” Skyla said.
“Sounds like my mommy is better, then.”
“I haven’t been pet yet, but I’ve heard it’s a lot of fun,” Skyla said. “Apparently daddy really enjoyed it last night, according to Doppel! I’m not sure that’s enough to make someone a good mommy, though…”
“Sounds like the perfect time for an experiment,” Taya said, eyeing my hands. “Why don’t you pet her, mommy?”
“I got permission from her parents last night,” I said. “But that’s up to Skyla, of course. I won’t pet her without permission.”
“Did you have daddy’s permission to pet him?” Skyla asked, tilting her head.
“He gave me as much permission as he always does,” I said. “And as Doppel said, he enjoyed every moment of it. There should be plenty of time before breakfast if you want to try it out.”
“If it feels so good… Would you like me to pet you, Lady Navi?” Skyla asked.
“No, it doesn’t work with hooves or on humans,” I said. “I’d have to be a pony and you’d have to be a human. But really, don’t worry about me. You’re the princess here, after all.”
“And… princess outranks lady, right?” Skyla asked. “So if I told you to let me pet you, I could pet you?”
“No, that’s not what it means, I’m afraid,” I said. “I’m a lady of a foreign nation, so you do socially outrank me, but you don’t really have the ability to give me orders. Or maybe I should rather say, I’m not required to follow orders you give.”
“So what you’re saying is… you’re really stubborn?”
“Yep,” Taya answered for me. “If you don’t want mommy to pet you, do you want me to pet you? I’m nowhere near as good at it, though…”
“You’re normally a pony, right?” Skyla asked. “Which is better, petting or being pet?”
“Definitely being pet,” Taya replied with a nod.
“Then can you turn me into a human and Lady Navi into a pony? That way, I can repay her for yesterday!”
“That… would definitely be cute,” Taya said. “But… No, I can’t let you pet my mommy. My sister and I have to go first.”
“Basically though, no,” I said. “I won’t consent, either to being turned into a pony or being petted while a pony. And that’s to everyone, so don’t think I discriminate.”
“Are you… are you really saying no to such a cute filly?” Taya asked. “Is that you, Doppel?”
“You would know right away,” I replied, booping Taya. “So, would you like me to pet you, Skyla?”
“Hm… Maybe later.” Don’t mind me, I’ll be back when I’m done killing myself… “Would you like me to grow your grass back? I did kinda put a hole there…”
“Do you know the spell for that?” Taya asked.
“No, but I can just connect the magic from those pretty trees to it for a minute.” Skyla’s horn lit up and… something happened. Moments later, a batch of exotic flowers sprouted in the ground where she put the crater. “There! Much better.”
“...That’s just cheating,” Taya muttered. “What the buck? Tch, alicorns…”
“Well done, Skyla,” I said, patting her on the head. “And thank you for repairing it.”
“Is that not petting?” Skyla asked.
“No, that’s patting. This is petting.” I demonstrated by petting the back of Taya’s head. Sadly, I couldn’t reach her hair, but the bunny fur was still nice and soft.
“Oh, that makes sense,” Skyla said. “You sure do know a lot, Lady Navi!”
“I’m afraid you just know too little,” I said. “But from the looks of things, you might surpass me within ten years.”
“Only if you give up on learning more, maybe,” Skyla replied. “Why don’t you like being pet?”
“Because I don’t like being a pony. Being turned into something else feels very uncomfortable for me.”
“Huh. So why do you become human, Taya?”
“Because being more like mommy is fun sometimes. It’s inconvenient to do it outside, though. We get a lot of stares…”
“Being a princess is like that, too,” Skyla said. “It’s kinda fun sometimes, like you’re always at the center of a parade!” Well, aren’t you just a constant ray of sunshine? Alas, if only my own filly could be so perfect. I guess that’s what I get for picking up a damaged and abandoned model.
“Alicorns are just about as rare as humans, after all,” I said. “It makes sense that you’d also be centers of attention.”
“Hm… How rare are humans, anyway?” Skyla asked. “You’re the only one I’ve ever seen!”
“To my knowledge, there are four of us left,” I replied. “Though I have a lead on two others, so there might be six or more. You’ll be meeting two of them today, after breakfast. They may also ask to pet you, but just tell them that I have first dibs.”
“I met you first, so I guess that’s fair,” she replied. “But… only four? Are you rare mutations, like the alicorns?”
“That’s not actually what alicorns are,” I replied. “But no, we’re not mutations. Well, of the four of us, three of us are definitely mutated, but humans are a race that existed a long time ago. We died out. The three of them managed to find ways to survive through time. I only recently arrived in this time.”
“You only just recently got here and you’re already a noble lady?”
“A lot of stuff happened.”
“Plus, mommy’s really powerful,” Taya said. “She’s done all kinds of incredible things. She even saved your kingdom by beating up a king with her bare hands.”
“You have bear hands?! Where do you keep them?! And… what happened to the bear?”
“The bear started it,” I replied. “It was attacking a friend of mine. I managed to defend her, but lost that time. I tracked it down later and killed it so it wouldn’t attack anyone else.” And also to get revenge for my finger, even if it did grow back. “I’m not sure how the taxidermist did it, but the stuffed bear can be found in the natural science section of the museum in Canterlot. It was a monster bear called an ursa major.”
“Wait… what does that have to do with my kingdom?” Skyla asked.
“Nothing at all,” I replied. “What Taya meant is that I used nothing but my hands, not that I used the hands of a bear. And that’s also not technically true, because I kicked him a few times, too. Basically, I fought him unarmed and beat him up until he cheated and used magic.”
“Cheaters never win though, right?” Skyla asked.
“No, cheaters win pretty often, actually,” I said. “After all, if you can’t prove they’re cheating, they’ll just get away with it. That’s why you need to learn to cheat. You’ll never be able to catch cheaters, otherwise. But we ended up beating that king even after he used magic by using even more overpowered magic. Something about a crystal heart? I dunno, I was focusing on something else.”
“You also saved Equestria,” Taya said.
“I just helped. Celestia did most of the work. Everyone else was just stupidly standing around as she was starting to get overpowered, so I stepped in to help settle things.”
“Is that the time you stopped the evil changeling queen?” Skyla asked.
“I’m not sure about the word evil, but yes, I was referring to the time I shot the changeling queen with a crossbow. Anyway, should we go check on the status of breakfast?”
“So you’re stubborn and shy? That’s a weird combination.”
“You’re so adorable, Skyla,” I replied, picking her up to place her on my shoulders. With her secure, we began walking for the door. “I’m not really that shy anymore, I just don’t like talking about myself. Some of the others who live here enjoy talking about me, though, so if you’re interested, feel free to talk to my subjects. Though it sounds like Eva has already talked your ears off.”
“Mommy told me a few stories, too. And I heard a few of the maids talking about how good you smelled. They were right, too! But you don’t deny being stubborn?”
“I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that Cadance told you some stories,” I replied. “Well, I’m sure you might hear a few more while you’re in Canterlot. Just know that some of the details may have become… embellished.” We got to the entrance of the sun room, so Taya opened the doors with magic to let us in. We continued on toward the kitchen, mostly ignoring the few tired guards who were sitting around.
“So you didn’t slap the princess in the face twice in front of visiting royalty?” Skyla asked.
“I said some of the details, not all of them. That technically did happen, but the visitor was only the changeling queen, so it didn’t count.”
“That sounds racist,” Taya replied.
“It’s not because she’s a changeling, it’s because she’s essentially the queen of a vassal nation at this point.” My crew was used to weirdness, so none of them paid our conversation any mind as we made our way through the sun room.
“Why were you slapping Princess Celestia, though?” Skyla asked.
“Because she deserved it. I had a lot of disagreements at that time with Celestia, but we get along better now.”
“Is that why she’s making breakfast right now?” Skyla asked as we finally walked into the kitchen. Crystal Drop flinched, but otherwise didn’t stop cooking.
“Is that what it looks like to you?” I asked.
“Daddy says you’re not supposed to answer questions with questions,” Skyla said. “I mean, isn’t that Princess Celestia? I thought mommy was the only princess that liked cooking breakfast…”
“Oh, right, I bet those special eyes of yours can see right through any disguise.”
“Special eyes?” Celestia asked, finally turning to face us. “You didn’t mention that, my lady.”
“Athena said they’re some kind of special magic eyes that can see fate. We’re going to take her to visit after breakfast to see if they can give us more information after looking at her.”
“I see. That’s quite impressive. Well, I am acting as my lady’s maid so I can spend time with her without bothering her other servants. You might be able to see through it, but I’m currently disguised as another pony entirely. I would appreciate if you could keep my secret.”
“Just call her Crystal Drop if you see her here,” I said.
“Hm… Isn’t that lying, though?” Skyla asked.
“No, it’s acting,” I replied. “A lie is a single untruth. Acting is where you live something that isn’t true. It’s not dishonest, it’s just a profession, or sometimes a hobby.”
“...Lady Navi, do you already know everything?” Skyla asked, sounding strangely impressed.
“I’m afraid I told you the truth earlier, Skyla. You just know too little. This is an important distinction for a princess to know, so I guess I should mention spies, who also lie as a profession. They do so in order to uncover secrets or to get in positions where they can cause damage. Actors usually pretend to be other people just as a hobby or to entertain others. The difference is intent.”
“Oh my, you’re actually taking the initiative to teach someone?” Celestia asked. “I thought it would take you years to get there!”
“Tell me about it,” Taya muttered, glaring at the filly hanging on my back. Thankfully, Skyla couldn’t see it from where she was positioned.
“Don’t hurt my feelings, I’m sensitive,” I replied. “Anyway, we just came in to check on breakfast.”
“Soon,” Celestia replied. “Prepare your body, my lady. I’ll have much to shove into it.”
“Thank you. Then we’ll get out of your way.”
“Wait!” Skyla said before I could move. “I don’t wanna be the only princess who can’t cook! Can’t you teach me?”
Celestia blinked in surprise before smiling. “I would love to, but some of this is dangerous. You should wait until you’re a little bigger before trying to cook. Besides, I believe Cadance would be upset if I taught you before she can. But once she teaches you the basics, I’d be happy to teach you enough to surpass her!”
“Are you really better than mommy?” Skyla asked.
“You’ll find out for yourself soon,” I replied. “Now, Taya, go get changed and find your siblings. We’ll be in the sun room.”
“What’s wrong with this?” Taya asked, looking down at her fluffy outfit.
“I don’t have any problems with it, but I’m sure Doppel would complain. That means it’s not noble-like or whatever. You’re also welcome to turn back into a pony and go without clothes entirely.”
“Can’t I just go without clothes as a human?”
“No, now go get changed.” She continued quietly grumbling, but did as I said.
“The view up here is better, but being held in your arms was more comfy,” Skyla said.
“Like this?” I asked, dropping her down from my shoulders into a proper princess-carry. Although I could probably only call it that since Skyla was a princess, since I was actually holding her like you would a baby.
“Yeah, it’s soft, warm, and cozy here!” she replied.
“I’m happy to hear that. I would also like to point out that this is one of the prime positions to be pet in.”
“That’s good to know, Lady Navi. Hm, do you think I should wake my parents up for breakfast?”
“I mean, they are technically on vacation. I don’t see any problem with letting them sleep in. But you can go wake them up if you want. Alternatively, we can ask a maid to do it.”
“...Vacation is the only time I can do it myself.”
“Then by all means,” I replied, finally setting her down. “Make sure to keep Crystal’s secret.”
“Right! I’ll be back soon, Lady Navi.” She trotted off upstairs, allowing me to finally claim a seat. There was no one that I particularly needed to speak with in the sun room, so I just took a chair at an empty table and stared out the window. I was doing my utmost to appear unapproachable so nobody decided to bother me without a good reason.
The first person to do so was Twilight, who walked over and nuzzled me. “Morning, Nav,” she said. “Have a good night?”
“I’ve had better. Starting it by getting tickled ruined the whole experience.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. At least what happened after was fun, right?”
“True, I did two fun things after that. Anyway, breakfast should be ready soon.”
“Well, I’m going to go help myself to some tea to help me wake up. I’ll be back in a few minutes. You can tell me about that second thing then.”
“See you soon.” She nuzzled me again before walking off, presumably toward the kitchen.
Moments after she turned the corner, Taya and Mimeo walked in together. They were now back in their natural bodies and neither were wearing anything. They made a beeline for my table and claimed the two seats on my sides.
“So, what did you do all night, mother?” Mimeo asked.
“Practiced my sword and rewarded two vassals for their excellent work. Would you like mommy to feed you, Mimeo?”
“...That feels weird,” he replied, looking away and blushing. “P-please don’t talk like that…”
“Would you care to feast on your mother?” I asked.
“Can’t you just say it normally?”
“There’s a normal way to say something like that?” Taya asked.
“You could just ask if I want breakfast.”
Where’s the fun in that, though? “Can’t you just answer a question?” I replied. “There’s no need to make things so difficult when you know my intent.”
“I don’t even see anything wrong with it,” Taya said. “Why don’t you ever talk to me like that?”
“Because you would enjoy it, obviously,” Mimeo said. “She just did it to me because it makes me uncomfortable…”
“You make me out to be such a villainess,” I said. “That’s no way to talk about your mother, especially as she’s offering to feed you. Or would you rather feed off Taya or Cadance?”
“...I would rather have breakfast prepared by my mother, of course,” he finally replied.
“That’s all you had to say, you know,” I replied as I snatched him out of his seat for a cuddle. “I really do enjoy how light changelings are. It makes holding you so much easier.”
“Would you like me to take on the form of something softer and fuzzier?” my son asked.
“No, you’re fine just the way you are,” I said. “Enjoy your breakfast, honey.”
It didn’t seem like he enjoyed that wording either, but didn’t let that stop him from feeding on me anyway. “Hm, even now… you taste different than ponies. Especially from Cadance’s magic.”
“Your mother’s home cooking is always different, silly,” I said, using it as an excuse to hug him tighter. He sighed in derision, but didn’t reply.
“You know… I still haven’t tried turning into a changeling yet,” Taya said. “I kinda wonder how mommy tastes, too…” Surprisingly, that prompted Mimeo to hug me back and turn quite an intense stare toward his sister. “Of all the things, that’s what makes you jealous?”
When he realized what he did, Mimeo gasped and tried to push away, but obviously I wouldn’t let him go. “There’s no way I’d let you get away after something that adorable, silly! You don’t have to hide it, you know…”
Luckily for him, we were interrupted by the arrival of tea. And also Twilight, I suppose. She took the seat that was previously Mimeo’s and placed cups in front of everyone who could actually eat and drink. “Good morning, Taya and Eva,” Twilight said. “Or… Wait, you’re not Eva. Mimeo?”
“...Good morning, Twilight,” he replied. It was slightly muffled given that he was pressed into my bosom, but it was audible enough.
“For someone who bemoans her fate as female, you sure do enjoy teasing the boys, Nav,” Twilight said.
“What’s cute is cute. At least I’m not as bad as Rarity. Besides, how else am I supposed to treat my son?”
“Well, he was hugging you back a second ago, so I guess it’s not really a problem… And you do need to feed him, so I’ll let you off the hook this time.” With his only avenue of escape cut off, Mimeo surrendered and finally hugged me back, blushing up a storm all the while. Teasing him for that would be a little too mean, so I just giggled and softly patted his back as he fed on me.
That said, I didn’t want to force feed him. When he finally stopped eating, I let him go. Amusingly enough, he either didn’t notice or just wanted to stay put, because he continued hugging me and blushing for a few seconds. Finally, his ears twitched and he shot away, using his wings to actually fly off to make it easier.
“I… I think I’m gonna t-take a short walk,” he said before making a beeline for the door leading outside.
“Guess he needs to walk off breakfast,” I said with a shrug, leaning back in my seat and smiling. “I never expected him to be so shy.”
“I’m not really sure how any boy would act any differently after being subjected to that,” Twilight said. “If you aren’t careful, you might give them another complex.”
“That… Well, maybe.” Since she went through the effort of bringing me tea, I went through the effort of drinking some of it. “Did you notice our chef for the day?”
“Yes. She gave me quite an earful, too. And then she had the nerve to ask me to keep her a secret.”
“Let her have this. It’s not like she has much else to do for fun. As long as I’m not her target, I’m fine with her playing around.”
“Well… True, I don’t guess there’s any harm to it. She told me Skyla saw right through her, though.”
“Yeah, her magic eyes did the trick. She just went to wake her parents.”
“Uh… Was that a good idea? I mean, after what Doppel did…”
“I’m sure Doppel would have made them very messy, but she wouldn’t have let them stay that way. I’m not worried.”
“...If you break Skyla, I don’t think either of her parents will forgive you.”
“I’m doing my best to make sure I’m not the one who breaks her. I like to think I’ve been doing a good job.”
“Uh huh. And what was that explosion earlier?”
“A misfire that wasn’t my fault.”
“Skyla was just a little too innocent,” Taya added.
“I was practicing with my sword when Skyla came outside,” I said. “Moments later, I teleported in front of her and she destroyed everything around where I had been standing. Apparently she thought I was under attack by something invisible.”
“That… would be a lot cuter if it didn’t involve teleporting or explosions.”
“My thoughts exactly. I explained things to her, of course, and she and Taya fixed the hole in the yard.”
“Well, I’m excited to finally spend some time with her today. So don’t think you’ll get to hog her, Navi.”
First come, first served. “I would never dream of it. After all, I have two children of my own to hog.”
“Actually, I have classes today,” Taya replied.
“After all, I have a child of my own to hog.”
“Well, have fun with him, I guess,” Twilight said. “You know, assuming he won’t be avoiding you for the rest of the day…”
“I will. Humans are especially blessed when it comes to pursuit hunting. He can try avoiding me if he wants, but I’ll track him down until he gives up and accepts his status as my cuddlebug.”
“You’re starting to sound like Pinkie, you know,” Twilight said.
“This body is a failure,” I said with a sigh, rising to my feet. “I’m going to go throw myself off the cliff. When I respawn out of my tree, tell me I had no other choice.”
“Mommy, don’t be so dramatic,” Taya said, using magic to sit me back down. “As if we’d ever let you do something so dangerous. But don’t worry: There’s absolutely nothing wrong with tracking people down and cuddling them when they try to avoid you. It’s one of the best ways to express your love, isn’t it?”
“No, that’s called being a stalker,” Twilight replied.
“Yeah, and stalkers are full of love,” Taya replied.
“Alright, I’ve said some pretty messed up stuff, but I don’t think you got that from me,” I said.
“Oh, Kat taught me that,” Taya said. “I learned a lot from her while you were in the coma, mommy!”
“You know that Kat is crazy, right?” I asked.
“She’s also had a very interesting life and has a lot to teach, crazy or not,” Taya replied. “She knows all about true love, for instance.”
“Let’s leave that one there before we go down a rabbit hole we can’t escape from,” I replied. “Just… ask me before trying anything you learned from Kat on anyone else.”
“I may be an eternafilly, but that doesn’t mean I need you butting in on my love life, mommy.”
“I’m with Nav on this one,” Twilight said. “With your powers, there aren’t many colts who could escape if you started stalking them.”
“Doesn’t that mean I have my pick of the litter when it comes to the dating pool, then?” Taya asked, her head tilting.
“Yes, you’re going to need to spend more time with Fleur. She can help get rid of all that nonsense Kat filled your head with.”
“Aww… Kat’s art of the hunt sounded so fun, too…”
“I would feel really bad about having to ban you from talking to two of our vassals alone, so don’t make me,” I said. “With Flo in your head, you should be better than this.”
“I feel like there’s a pot somewhere calling a kettle black,” Twilight muttered.
“Although… I feel like I probably should ban you from being alone with both of them at the same time,” I said. “Luna took me and Kat to the moon. Things almost got weird. I’d hate to see what they’d end up doing to you, either on purpose or accident…”
“Wait, why did Luna magic you off to the moon?” Twilight asked.
“Because you were sleeping on my bed.”
“That’s not an answer!”
“When my vassals got back from fighting the undead, I knew I had to reward them for their service. The first thing that came to mind was brushing them and petting them. You were in my room and I couldn’t think of anywhere else good to do it. Luna suggested a base she built on the moon, so that’s where we went. Thankfully, it was pretty fun instead of pretty weird. Well, except for the button, but don’t worry about that.”
“If you didn’t want me to worry about it, you probably shouldn’t have mentioned it at all,” Twilight said with a sigh. “Well, whatever. I’m not sure if brushing and petting is the best possible reward you could give your vassals, but…”
“Kat said nothing would make her happier and Luna was extremely interested in the idea as well,” I replied.
“You haven’t even brushed me in ages,” Taya muttered, pouting and looking away.
“You haven’t killed any undead in ages, have you?” I asked. “I mean, it’s hardly a reward if I just give that treatment out all willy-nilly. Although… I might do it tonight. I mean, you are my filly, after all.” And I bet if Skyla sees me brushing Taya, she’ll beg to try it as well!
“And your marefriend?” Twilight asked, batting her eyelashes at me devilishly.
“Maybe, but only if you keep it quiet. As I said, it’s hardly a reward if I just go around brushing everyone. It would devalue their effort.”
“Thus, the reason I don’t think it’s the best idea as a reward,” she replied. “But I’ve never had any vassals, so what would I know?”
“Aren’t you allowed a vassal or two?” I asked. “I don’t think you have a domain, but I think all nobles can still have at least one.”
“I’ve never needed one and there’s never been anyone who’s caught my eye,” she said. “Not to mention, it takes a lot for someone to be willing to devote themselves wholly to you. Especially someone worth turning into a vassal. I’ve never really had the chance.”
“It’s not always all it’s cracked up to be,” I said with a sigh.
“Isn’t sighing bad?” Skyla suddenly asked from right next to me. “I thought it was happiness leaving the body?”
“That sounds like an urban legend,” I replied, booping her. I finally looked back and discovered she had pulled both of her parents from bed, though neither looked like they were quite ready to wake up. “Good morning. Have a good night?”
“Yep, it was great,” Cadance quietly replied as she practically collapsed into a chair at the table. “We didn’t get much sleep, but… it was great…”
“I… do not have any comments,” Shiny uselessly added. He was a little more spry, but his limp was more noticeable and he flinched a little when he sat down. “Well, aside from good morning.”
“Luckily, we have coffee,” I said. “Skyla, would you be willing to use some of your boundless energy to ask Crystal Drop to make some for three?”
“Yep!” the perfect filly replied. She trotted back off. I expected her to ask to try some, but as a perfect filly, she instantly knew her place.
“So, that third is for me, right?” the considerably less perfect filly next to me asked.
“You don’t need coffee, Taya,” I replied. “You’re a filly. That means you always have energy. Twilight doesn’t like it, so that leaves me, Shiny, and Mia.”
Taya looked like she wanted to reply to that, but Twilight instantly cut her off with, “Who is Mia?”
“That would be me,” Cadance said. “I demanded Nav come up with a nickname for me. What do you think?”
“Why… Oh, I get it. Mi Amore, Mia… Yeah, I think it works, but… Well, don’t most ponies just know you by Cadance now?”
“That’s why it’s the perfect nickname,” I replied. “Only those close to her would get it. Although for now… It’s a name that only the two of us share.”
“I got Twiggles first, so that’s fine,” Twilight said. “But I don’t see why I wouldn’t get to use it!”
“It’s still just on a trial basis,” Cadance said. “Don’t think too far into it.”
“Sorry, I’m always somewhat leery when the woman I’m courting has a special nickname with another mare…”
“That’s a good reaction to have, I agree,” Cadance replied. “Especially when it comes to Nav. I mean, she gave Chrysalis a full on new name, then a nickname on top of it! If you aren’t careful, she’ll snatch Navi up.”
“Yes, but Moonbeam will allow us to continue playing with her,” Twilight said. “So it wouldn’t really be the end of the world, even if it would be disappointing.”
“She will now, sure,” Cadance said. “But what if Nav becomes a man again? Do you really think Moonie would ever let a single drop go to another mare?” Twilight thought about that for a few seconds before looking me up and down, sizing me up. “Love is not just a battlefield, Twilight. It’s a war. You have to think not just about the immediate day-to-day fight, but also the battles you’ll have to fight in the future.”
“Can you give the rest of your spiel when I’m out of earshot?” I asked.
“If you’d stop waffling around and make a decision, none of this would be necessary,” Cadance said. “But fine.”
“Nav… I’ll either win your heart or convince you to start a harem,” Twilight replied. “I’ll leave it at that for now.”
“How gallant of you.” I probably sounded sarcastic, yet… I felt something moving inside of me. I wasn’t quite sure what, but it didn’t feel all that bad.
“So, is Twilight your local mistress?” Skyla asked from the same exact spot.
“Sorta,” I replied, patting the filly on the head. “Specifically, she’s my pony mistress. She travels with me, so she can’t be my local mistress. By the way, where did you learn the phrase local mistress?”
“Daddy and his guard friends,” Skyla innocently replied. I suddenly felt an intense heat a few seats down, but paid it absolutely no mind. “And breakfast is ready and should be out in moments!”
“Thank you. Feel free to take any chair.” She trotted over to join her parents with a big smile on her face. At the moment, Cadance was facing Shiny, so I couldn’t see the expression she was wearing. Given the terrified expression on his face, I was quite thankful.
Right as Skyla seated herself, the food began carting in. A part of me expected more people to be awake, but I figured Crystal Drop would be dragging some of them out of their beds soon. At the moment, she was wearing quite the demure expression as she floated all the dishes onto our table. Once the plates were in place, she added four cups of coffee. Taya got the fourth, so apparently her wish was granted. Finally came the sugar and cream.
“Thank you, Crystal,” I said, dosing my coffee with a decent amount of cream and an excessive amount of sugar. “This sweet nectar of life will help us trudge through this dreary day.”
“I’m happy to be of service, my lady,” she replied. Her voice hadn’t exactly been changed, but she was talking in a tone that you’d never expect to hear from a princess. Neither Cadance nor Shiny so much as batted an ear. “Is there anything else you require?”
“Not at the moment. But it would be a shame if we were the only ones to partake. Would you be willing to go see if anyone else is awake?”
“It would be my pleasure, Lady Navarone,” she replied with a bow. She started walking back out with a small smile on her face.
She didn’t get very far, though. “Wait,” Cadance hissed, turning to glare at the mare. A fork was floating in her magical grip and she was clearly still chewing. Celestia froze, but didn’t turn back. “Would you introduce yourself, please?” Cadance sounded a lot colder than usual. Either she had a suspicion or she really was that angry at Shiny.
Celestia finally turned back around, but didn’t meet Cadance’s gaze. “My name is Crystal Drop, your highness. My lady hired me, but I am usually only here in the mornings.”
“Bullshit,” Cadance replied. “I recognize this taste anywhere, Celestia. No mortal could cook this well. Only ancient foreveralone hags who obsess over finding the perfect special somepony could cook like this!”
“That’s a… very specific accusation,” Twilight slowly said.
“How did you even disguise yourself that well?” Cadance asked, finally standing up to get a better look at my temporary maid. “I can normally at least see a flicker of your illusion magic, but this… It honestly reminds me of a changeling!”
“That’s because I am a changeling right now,” Celestia replied. “And I’m quite busy with my maid duties. Is there something else you require, your highness?”
“Why are you wasting time pretending to be a maid at Nav’s house?”
“I’m vacationing, same as you. I just happen to find different things relaxing.”
Cadance sighed and cast a forlorn gaze upon me. “Nav… Get your life under control.”
“The ruler of about half the world is my maid. How much more in control could I be? Now, your delicious breakfast is getting cold. Sit back down and turn your brain off like I have. You’re on vacation, remember?”
“...You’re right, like always,” she replied with a sigh and a shrug. “Whatever. I won’t keep you from your maid duties, Cel… Crystal. Thank you for breakfast.”
“I’m happy to serve. Please let me know if you need anything else.” Celestia bowed again and was able to successfully depart. Cadance fell back into her seat with a small groan.
“It really is better than your cooking!” Skyla said. “I had trouble believing her earlier, but she was right!”
“Wait, did you know that was Celestia?” Cadance asked.
“Yep! But she asked me to keep it a secret.”
“Skyla didn’t even realize Celestia was in disguise,” I said. “Her special eyes saw straight through it.”
“Well… I can’t deny her cooking is better,” Cadance said. “It’ll take me ages to get to her level, if I ever even can.”
“I still can’t believe you called her an ancient foreveralone hag,” Twilight said. “I’ll be remembering that one.”
“W-well… I thought about Shiny eating her cooking and about how he was looking for a local mistress and I… may have gotten a little heated in the moment…”
“I never said—”
“Eat your breakfast, Shiny,” Cadance said, cutting him off. “We have to have a quick and private talk when we’re done, after all!”
“...It may taste amazing, but it only feels like ash,” Shiny whispered, his eyes down. “At least the coffee understands me…”
“Coffee understands all of us,” I replied with a nod. “I’m hoping it’ll be one of the exports from our village, if you’re interested.”
“Do you think it could be grown under our barrier?” Cadance asked.
“I don’t think so. As far as I’m aware, our coffee fruits come from trees. The lack of light in the winter would probably do a real number on them. It’s possible Jonathan could modify them to survive up there, though. I think he gave the griffins a new wonder crop that should grow in their territory. It’s also possible we’ll discover native coffee plants when we start exploring Central America. Coffee fruits can also come from bushes, so you could set them up in a few indoor greenhouses. Although personally… I’d focus more on growing food than luxury crops.”
“With your upcoming teleportation shipping business, self-sufficiency won’t be as necessary anymore,” Cadance replied. “We’ll still grow enough food for our own ponies, but you’ll be shipping it in by the wagonload, won’t you? If we have luxury crops like coffee, it means we can also use your networks to ship it out.” Well well, the little princess has grown up.
“Should you really be talking business at breakfast?” Twilight asked. “Especially over me!” As it happened, Twilight was sitting between me and Mia.
“I mean… what do normal people talk about at breakfast?” I asked.
“Allow me to demonstrate,” Twilight replied, then proceeded with a completely bland and safe comment about what she planned to do for the day. That killed any semblance of fun, so I decided to focus on eating. After all, that was definitely a normal thing to do at breakfast.
And I gotta say, I enjoyed the feeling of Celestia’s meat inside of me. Her sweet nectar revitalized me and really got my juices flowing. It was pretty acceptable.