//------------------------------// // Chapter 13: Cuties, Marks & Crusaders // Story: Trip Of A Lifetime // by Tailslover13 //------------------------------// “Wait a minute…I know you!” Josh gasped, sitting up on his haunches and looking at the closest filly, “You’re Apple Bloom, right? That annoying Applejack’s little sister?” “Uh…yeah, that’d be me ahright,” Apple Bloom muttered, looking slightly unnerved, “Ah’m not really supposed to be talkin’ to strangers, though…” “Oh, right…it’s me, Josh,” the stallion sighed, realizing that he was still a hideous horse and no longer a handsome human, “To make a long story short, I walked into that dark forest on the edge of town and apparently had an allergic reaction to some stupid blue flower called poison joke. What you see before you is the result of that stupid plant.” “Apple Bloom, what’s he talking about?” the white filly asked, looking at her friend in confusion. “Um…well…oh, right!” Apple Bloom gasped, giving Josh a happy smile, “Ah remember ya now! Crusaders, this is Josh; he visited me on the farm earlier today. Only during that visit, he was…well, in a different body…or somethin’ like that. He said he was a human. But…now he’s a stallion…” “Ooh, cool!” the filly that sounded like Rainbow Dash grinned, “You totally got your whole body changed, and into an alicorn no less? That’s wicked, man!” “Maybe for you, sweetie,” Josh grumbled, giving the hyper little Pegasus a frown, “But, believe me, being in this body isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I’m really mad about it; I want my human body back! This really sucks.” “Well, maybe we can help!” Apple Bloom said, leaping up onto her hind legs and striking a pose as her two friends joined her, “CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS…BODY-CHANGERS!” All three fillies shouted out the final line together, leaving Josh to give a rare smile, even though he was still highly irritated. “Say, Apple Bloom, don’t you think you should introduce us?” the white filly asked, giving Josh a smile that made the former human feel slightly uneasy. “Oh, right, of course,” Apple Bloom chuckled, “Joshy, this here is Sweetie Belle; she’s Rarity’s younger sister. Over here with the scooter is Scootaloo, and despite what ya might think, she’s not related to Rainbow Dash. Together, the three of us make up the Cutie Mark Crusaders!” “A pleasure to meet you, my little dears,” Josh said politely, even going so far as to bow his head to the three adorable fillies, “So, uh…just what is the ‘Cutie Mark Crusaders’ anyway? The name of your little club or group or whatever this is?” “Um…well, it’s what we call ourselves because…well…we have blank flanks,” Sweetie Belle said hesitantly, pointing back to her posterior. When Josh took a closer look at the three fillies’ flanks, he realized that he didn’t see the tattoos that all the other ponies seemed to have. He seemed to recall that they were called “cutie marks”. “See, we hate being so different from everypony else, since all the other ponies we know have THEIR cutie marks,” Scootaloo explained, “We got picked on a lot in school and called ‘blank flanks’ a lot, but when we discovered each other, we became close friends.” “We formed the Cutie Mark Crusaders so that we might go on adventures to obtain our hidden talents and get our cutie marks!” Apple Bloom added, “Ever since Diamond Tiara’s party, we’ve been close friends. We do almost everythin’ together, most of which are us tryin’ new things to obtain our cutie marks. But…as ya’ll can tell…we still got a long way to go.” Josh listened intently to the three fillies talk, and his heart went out to them. He knew what it was like to be bullied just because you were different or “not as cool” as everyone else. Back in school, Josh would always get tortured and called names due to him always being a “teacher’s pet”, always preferring to study over party, never bothering to get involved with romance, always being a good citizen and obeying all the rules, and just trying to be as perfect as possible. He was such an outcast that he hardly had any friends at all, and those who wanted to be his friend mostly just used him for money or for cheating on homework assignments. It was just one of the many reasons why Josh didn’t believe in love or friendship. It was all a lie and he knew it. “Girls…I’m proud of you,” Josh said softly, trotting over and giving each of the three fillies a hug, “You’re all so young, and yet…you’re going through exactly what I did when I was your ages. But, unlike me…you actually have a person at your side that will always be there for you. I never had that, and as such I don’t believe in it, but…for some reason…I can tell that you three are legit. Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo…all best friends, huh?” “Yup, and we always will be!” Apple Bloom giggled, blushing slightly at being hugged by the much bigger stallion, “Even after we get our cutie marks, we’ll still always be best friends forever.” “Josh, what did you mean about going through this when you were our ages?” Sweetie Belle asked, “I thought you were a…human…whatever that is. So, how would you…whoa, wait a minute! Your flank!” She gasped when she finally noticed that Josh himself had blank flanks, and Apple Bloom and Scootaloo both joined in when they noticed as well. “Huh? Oh, right…yeah, I didn’t get a…a…cutie mark,” Josh growled, really having to force himself to say the words “cutie mark”, since he found them so girly and pathetic, “Apparently, the poison joke thought it was funny to leave me with a bare butt…which is what I honestly prefer, anyway. I like to be different from all the others.” “Wait…you LIKE to be different?” Scootaloo questioned, putting her hooves on her tiny hips, “Why in the world would you like THAT? I thought you said that you went through what we did at your age…but, if you were originally a human…and you’re now a pony with blank flanks…then, how could you…uh…I’M SO CONFUSED RIGHT NOW!” Before Josh could respond to Scootaloo’s frazzled accusations, he cringed when he felt his stomach hurt and give a loud growl of hunger. Due to being distracted by the Cutie Mark Crusaders, he had completely forgotten that he was very hungry. Ever since the picnic when he first arrived in Equestria, he hadn’t gotten any food in his belly. He had gone through an entire tour of Ponyville, a trip through the Everfree Forest, an interesting hour or two with Zecora, and finally extracting some revenge on Twilight and her friends, all without eating any food. Not only was he starving, but the day was beginning to end as well. “I think Josh is hungry,” Sweetie Belle pointed out, giggling a bit, “Hey, Apple Bloom, why don’t we all go back to your farm and have a sleepover? Josh would love some of your sister’s cooking!” “Er…wait, say what?” Josh gulped, quickly taking a step back, “Uh, hehe, that’s okay, girls…I really don’t want to impose or anything…” “What a great idea, Sweetie Belle,” Apple Bloom agreed, “And he can tell us more of his stories when we get there, too! Ah bet mah big sister will be happy to see him!” “Girls, are you even listening to me?” Josh snapped, speaking a little louder, all to no avail. “Let’s get our new friend some food then!” Scootaloo grinned, striking a new pose with her three teammates, “CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS…HUNGER STRIKERS!” “GIRLS, PLEASE, NO!” Josh roared, angrily stamping a hoof to try and get attention, “I DO NOT WANT TO GO TO APPLEJACK’S FARM AND…HEY!” Unfortunately for him, the Cutie Mark Crusaders weren’t much for listening. With excited shouts of glee, they all surrounded Josh and began ushering the protestant stallion along towards Sweet Apple Acres, much to his dismay. While the three fillies ushered and shoved Josh along, they all chatted with each other excitedly about their new friend and their sudden sleepover that they had just decided upon minutes ago. Josh continued to try and feebly protest and get away, but he found himself unable to verbally assault the fillies like he had with Twilight and her friends, and he naturally wasn’t going to physically assault them, either. Besides, the three girls were a lot stronger than they looked, and they weren’t about to be denied of having some fun with the former human. “Have you met mah big brother yet?” Apple Bloom was saying to Josh, “His name is Big Macintosh, and he does a lot of the heavy-liftin’ and stuff around the farm. Then there’s Granny Smith; she’s old and stuff, but we all love her. Together with mah big sister Applejack, the four of us live on Sweet Apple Acres and make sure it’s one of the best places in all the land!” “That’s lovely, really it is, but I REALLY don’t want to impose…” Josh said quickly, trying to squirm out away from the three fillies, but having no such luck. “Nah, you won’t be imposing…whatever that means,” Scootaloo smirked, “We’re gonna have fun! We throw the best sleepovers, so after dinner, we can all tell ghost stories and do all that fun stuff before we go to bed. Won’t that be fun?” “I…wouldn’t really know,” Josh muttered, “I…really never HAD a sleepover before…especially with three girls. The only time I was invited to one was when this fat guy wanted me to show him how to play Super Mario Brothers and I was too busy doing my homework that night to come over and…” “You’ve never had a sleepover?!?!” all three Cutie Mark Crusaders gasped, looking at Josh as though they couldn’t believe their ears. As always, they had completely ignored everything Josh had said after he explained that he was never invited to and never threw a sleepover. “Do you three airheads even listen to what I say before you interrupt me?” Josh frowned. “CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS…SLEEPOVER TEACHERS!” all three fillies shouted in unison yet again, which once more resulted in Josh getting a near headache and wishing he was anywhere else but here. To add to his misery, Josh was now having to endure listening to all three fillies explain all the joys of a sleepover and what he had missed out on his entire life. Naturally, since Josh wasn’t stupid, he already knew most of what the fillies said, but he never shut them up; seeing them so happy made it impossible for him to say anything. Despite Josh never having had experienced a lot of the more fun things in life, he still studied about them and knew enough to know what they were about. He never realized that another certain pony in town was almost identical to him in that sense. “…and if you have a nightmare and you wake up crying, your sleepover friends will be right there to give you some hugs and cuddles and let you know that it’s alright,” Sweetie Belle was saying, giving Josh an affectionate little nuzzle on his cheek, “Plus, sometimes you can all snuggle together in one sleeping bag and sleep as a cuddly little group!” “Since I’m a boy…and you’re all girls…and I’m quite a bit older than you all…I think that would be very inappropriate to do and I would be heavily scrutinized if I did something like that,” Josh whispered. “And we totally have to show you how talented we are at styling up our manes!” Scootaloo grinned, “Josh, your mane is so black and BORING; we have to fix that. Maybe add a little pink in there; pink and black would look SO cool.” “THE HELL IT WOULD! THAT WOULD MAKE ME LOOK EMO OR PUNKISH!” Josh shrieked, already having nightmares if he let his hair be dyed in the way that Scootaloo was suggesting. He HATED the color pink and believed that any male who liked the color was completely and utterly idiotic and stupid. “And we can play hide and seek, freeze tag, and red rover!” Apple Bloom giggled, ignoring Josh’s shrieks and taking them as playful protests, “Oh, and we can do yer hooves if ya want, Joshy; we’ll spruce them up real nice. Well, ah won’t; ah like mine nice and scruffy. But, Sweetie Belle knows a thing or two ‘bout how to make some shiny hooves.” “…are you girls TRYING to turn me gay?” Josh moaned. As it turned out, the Cutie Mark Crusaders basically ignored or didn’t even HEAR anything negative or rude that Josh had to say, and only listened to positive or useful things that he said instead. It was probably just how those with younger minds worked, and as such Josh couldn’t fault them too much, but he was still going stir-crazy at being led along by the giggling group of fillies and knowing that he had no way out of this dreaded sleepover which was going to be held at his biggest enemy’s home. At least it seemed he was gonna get a meal out of it and a place to sleep, though. “We’re here!” Apple Bloom shouted, eagerly bouncing up and down when the group arrived at Sweet Apple Acres, “Ah bet mah big sis already has dinner ready. Ah’m sure she won’t mind the extra guests; she always makes too much fer her own good anyway.” At that moment, Josh’s stomach rumbled once again and he was left at the mercy of the Cutie Mark Crusaders’ giggling. “Don’t worry, Josh, you’ll just love Applejack’s cooking,” Sweetie Belle assured him. “Something tells me that she’ll be ANXIOUS to deliver some home-cooking onto me,” Josh muttered, the image of the farmer being flattened onto Rainbow Dash flashing in his mind. He wasn’t looking forward to causing a scene with the three fillies present, but it looked like he wasn’t gonna have a choice. “Well, what’re we waiting for? Let’s get in there already!” Scootaloo shouted, racing up to the front door and bursting in without even knocking. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle both followed along, still ushering Josh along with them, as though they expected him to run away if they let him go, which was a distinct possibility. “Big sis, ah’m home!” Apple Bloom called out as she entered, shutting the door and sealing Josh’s fate when the stallion was forced inside, “Are ya here? Ah brought home my friends for a sleepover; ah hope ya don’t mind.” “Ah, there ya are, Apple Bloom,” came Applejack’s voice from the other room, the sound which instantly made Josh growl and shudder, “And, a sleepover, eh? Well, ah reckon that’d be ahright, so long as ya silly fillies don’t cause too much destruction this time around. Big Macintosh wasn’t really thrilled with cleanin’ up after ya naughty fillies the last time ya slept over, and ya nearly sent Granny to the infirmary.” “Heh…yeah, sorry ‘bout that…but, it’s not just us crusaders this time,” Apple Bloom explained, not noticing Josh looking very nervous, “We’ve got another friend with us, too…ya know him, in fact!” A short silence followed this announcement, and Applejack could be heard slowly trotting towards the front room of her home where the three Cutie Mark Crusaders were eagerly waiting and Josh was looking ready for a war. “Did ya’ll just say…another friend?” Applejack spoke slowly, trotting into view and instantly locking eyes with Josh. Almost at once, the orange earth pony’s eyes narrowed into angry slits, and she looked ready to tear the stallion apart. Josh noticed that she didn’t seem to have a scratch on her from falling off the cliff and splatting onto Rainbow Dash. She really was very tough, a fact that Josh wasn’t too thrilled about finding out. “Yep, it’s Josh!” Apple Bloom giggled, trotting over and giving her sister a gentle nuzzle, “He came by earlier today and said hi to me. We invited him along with us to enjoy a sleepover, since he’s never had one before. Plus, we want to hear his story; he sounds really interestin’ and cool.” “Apple Bloom…please take yer friends into the other room…and close the door,” Applejack said, her voice cold and her eyes never leaving Josh’s. “Works for me!” Scootaloo shrugged, “C’mon, crusaders; let’s go and get our sleeping bags ready. They should be in the same place we left them last time!” With nods of agreement, the three fillies all scampered off into the other room, and soon a soft slamming of a door was heard. This left Josh and Applejack alone. Since the fillies were now gone, Josh went right back to returning Applejack’s glares. Very slowly, Applejack trotted towards Josh, her eyes never leaving his and her glare daring him to break contact. Josh didn’t back down and held his ground, narrowing his own eyes as the farmer pony advanced on him in no time. Even though he wouldn’t mind teaching Applejack another lesson in just how intelligent he was compared to her brute strength, he still didn’t wish to cause a war inside of her own house, mostly since the Cutie Mark Crusaders were in the other room and he really didn’t want to hurt them in any way. Eventually, Applejack stopped only inches away from Josh, both sets of emerald eyes locked on each other. “Get…out…of…mah…house…now,” Applejack snarled, her voice just dripping with venom, her body tensing up as though she was just waiting for Josh to say the wrong thing before she annihilated him. Normally, any male being in a situation of being threatened by an irate female would’ve probably cowered just a little. But, since Josh was used to this, he didn’t even break a sweat. “Believe me, Applejack, there’s nothing more that I’d like to do then get out of this dump of a house,” Josh sniffed, daringly pushing his face a few centimeters CLOSER to Applejack to really mock the pony, “This place smells like someone ate too many beans and had a very weak stomach, mixed with skunk fumes and 12-month-old rotten milk, and combined with the essence of nasty, disgusting, stupid farmer ponies who don’t know how to regularly shower.” “Joshy boy…this is yer last and only warnin’ before I destroy you…” Applejack whispered in a dead voice, her face now a mere inch apart from the stallion, “You are, beyond a doubt, an evil, wretched, horrid monster who has no business bein’ anywhere on this world. You hurt mah friends, you humiliated and tricked me, you completely embarrassed Rainbow Dash so much that she’s hidin’ up in her home, yer usin’ yer evil schemes on mah little sister and her friends, and now ya dare insult mah own home right to mah face. Ah’m gonna give ya to the count of three to get yer sorry, rotten, good-fer-nothin’, low-down, back-stabbin’, two-timin’, disgustin’, rude, hateful body out mah door…or else.” Despite being so completely and singlehandedly destroyed by Applejack’s speech, Josh still didn’t back down. Again, he had heard it all before, and being death-threatened by a horse wasn’t gonna make him suddenly turn into a sniveling wimp. The stallion was angry himself at Applejack for daring to threaten him when he clearly was a lot smarter than she was. Didn’t she realize that they would just keep fighting back and forth and it wasn’t helping anything? When Josh was provoked, he was not gonna back down, and this was another case. The former human slowly broke out his famous evil grin and didn’t move a single inch from his spot. “Well, Applejack, go ahead and start counting, because I’m not moving,” Josh smirked, planting his butt down right on the floor to further his point, “I was personally invited by the Cutie Mark Crusaders, and if you don’t like it, you can kiss my ass. I’m not using any evil scheme on your sister; I save those for you and your dorky friends.” “One.” Applejack took a small step back, dragging her hooves along the floor and preparing to unload upon the smirking stallion in front of her. “Two.” She pawed at her floor even harder, her eyes nearly completely closed as they were so tightly clenched. Her teeth were bared and she looked like a wild animal about to attack her prey. Deep down inside Josh, his heart was beginning to get jumpy and nervous, and for a split-second, he wondered if maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. But, just as Applejack was about to shout three, Apple Bloom poked her head back into the room. “Hey, Joshy, come on!” she called out, “Talk with mah big sis later; we were just starting a game of cops and robbers and we really want ya to play, since we’ve never had a colt or a stallion to play with before! C’mon, hurry up!” She didn’t even notice the deadly stance that her big sister was in, and a second later the door was once again shut. “And, there you have it,” Josh laughed, standing back up and sticking his tongue out at Applejack, “As you heard, your little sister needs me. As much as I’d love to stick around for another one of your psycho tantrums, I have some fillies to entertain. Try to not be such a party pooper, okay? Oh, and AJ? Sorry for making you kiss Rainbow Dash…it’s clear you have the hots for Rarity instead.” Giving a loud laugh, Josh trotted past the seething Applejack and into the room where the three Cutie Mark Crusaders were waiting for him. That might’ve not been the best thing to say to the orange earth pony, and he was surely gonna pay for it later. But, Josh lived for the moment, and since Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo wanted him, he was happy to oblige. There was always time for delivering humiliation to the rest of the ponies in Equestria; for now, a little downtime would do him good.